Self-aware guy realizes he doesn't take debate seriously when he perceives the person to be a woman.

WorkaholicParty · 2021-12-31T16:57:32+00:00

And we can tell. But women can't even state that they are perceiving the misogyny because that's "self a victimizing". Meanwhile legions of women out there have to stay anonymous, pretend to be men or hire front guys so they can have a successful business.

23eggz · 2021-12-31T17:29:38+00:00

Men are lying when they say they think misogyny isn't a thing anymore. They know and this is proof. Never argue with a man over these things, he knows but he just doesn't care

JulyParade · 2021-12-31T18:16:34+00:00

My client lost $20,000 because he didn't take my advice. That's how much they internalize their hatred of women. (And he's someone I like.) They will risk EVERYTHING, their money, their marriages, their health, to prove us wrong.

Mcccy · 2021-12-31T14:17:36+00:00

Well duh when you spend your whole life hearing that the worst thing a man can do is being a 'woman', it's impossible to see them as equals

JadeBaby2211 · 2021-12-31T14:19:49+00:00

Georgia OKeefe, the famous Anerican painter, started out her career only signing her initials and pretending to be a man. It got her into a lot of shows and helped get her established enough so that she could reveal that she's a woman. Sometimes you gotta manipulate the patriarchy to get that bag.

Cat_With_The_Fur · 2021-12-31T18:36:39+00:00

I love arguing with men on Reddit and then when they get really patronizing I hit them with “I’m a dude.”

I’m not a dude, obviously. But they always come back with some version of oh sorry bro, unless they’re smart enough to look at my post history.

This happens to me all the time IRL too - I’m a lawyer.

lks_89 · 2021-12-31T14:46:07+00:00

I recently watched this movie, the Associate, with Whoopi Goldberg. In this movie, she’s a successful financial consultant who quits her job after she’s passed over for a promotion in favor of a sexist prick. Spoilers:

When opens her own business, she cannot find new customers because nobody in the market wants to do business with a women. Only after she makes up a white, male partner people start listening to her advice and her business thrives. The movie is delightful, a nice afternoon entertainment. The worst part: it was released in 1996 yet seems so current.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-12-31T17:25:09+00:00

This kind of sounds like a humblebrag, unless he mentions or shows elsewhere that he’s actively working to undo his biases.

BxGyrl416 · 2021-12-31T18:14:56+00:00

I have men debate with me who won’t back down even if I use statistics versus “mY fEeLiNgS” and even when I point out that I have 2 degrees on the topic. They still will speak over me. Maybe it’s not that you think that you’re right as much as you think that a woman can’t be right or more knowledgeable or smarter.

fireforestfairy · 2021-12-31T12:44:19+00:00

It's sad how so many men look down on women like this. They see women as less rational and intelligent as them and hate it when a woman is smarter than them. This is why a lot of men refuse to date women with more advanced degrees than them.

A lot of men also look down on women they see as unattractive. It doesn't matter how talented or HV that woman is. She gets dissed by men who find her unattractive as "ugly".

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-12-31T17:34:18+00:00

Hey, I'm shocked he 1) recognized it and 2) admits it.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-12-31T19:22:15+00:00

I can’t count the number of times men around me have gotten tons of praise and positive attention for saying what I just said not five minutes ago, to crickets.

LadiesOpinion · 2021-12-31T12:45:52+00:00

When contacting customer services I make sure to use only my initials and last name, for this very reason. They'll assume I'm an old white male and take me seriously.

Sincerely,

N.Y. Exampleton

rysedg · 2021-12-31T18:58:46+00:00

Sucks. Even here on Reddit my profile name and pic are of a man - an ugly, gross man - exactly because I know that being perceived as male will save me a ton of headache overall. It really does suck though.

2021-12-31T14:41:44+00:00

Interesting that he took responsibility. Sexism is disgusting.

Drpyroxene · 2021-12-31T13:48:21+00:00

It's interesting, a lot of times when I make comments and someone engages I can tell the think I'm a man. Why? My username. "Dr" makes people assume, both men AND women, that I'm male. Usually if I'm going back and forth with someone they eventually look at my comment history and realize I'm a woman. If I'm talking to a man I can usually tell when he checks if he doesn't outright say that he did. It's wild. Irl, I have an extremely feminine name (which as a tomboy I loathed, but as an adult tomboy I've embraced... people who know my name before I meet them (say a work function) are always kind of like "oh, okay..." or outright say "I expected you to look different" ...simply because of my name... lol) I'm glad this guy saw the light and is hopefully working on himself to change his way of thinking, as well as spread this newfound information to his friends and family!

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-12-31T15:32:18+00:00

And then men get angwy when you prefer women over men.

"Oh that female composer is really making strides for sex equality!"

"WhY dO yOu cArE aBoUt ThEiR gEnDeR"

I wish more men were this self aware though...hopefully he will get better at catching himself and change.

ItsFreezen · 2021-12-31T16:21:15+00:00

And these guys expect us to give them sympathy in return.

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-12-31T18:40:45+00:00

Aaand there it is! Devil's advocate, annoying mansplaining explained

_bethiebabes · 2021-12-31T15:56:28+00:00

The worst part is I have no idea where these thoughts came from

no, the worst part is that you’ve spent your whole life speaking down to half the population and admittedly treating them like stupid children, and never once possessed the self awareness to even notice this behavior let alone question it

melympia · 2021-12-31T12:43:31+00:00

Well, self-awareness is the first step to self-betterment. Nothing more, nothing less. And, yes, this means you have to take the 2nd, 3rd ... and 1,000,000th step, too.

MightyErudite01 · 2021-12-31T15:49:47+00:00

Funny, I have experienced that feeling with men where it’s obvious they feel they’re talking to a child or someone beneath them.

Almost like like a bemused attitude where it’s like they think they’re toying with you like a cat does a mouse.

Interestingly it’s always been the men least qualified to do so. We used to have this fat barely can read fuck who worked in the mailroom at my job who would assume this huge knowing, cheshire cat smile when I’d talk about my experiences on the job (I’d been working there many years longer than him). It’s an attitude of being almost bemused by how cute, small, trivial you are. And also of mansplainy male superiority. Like not even listening just waiting for their chance or any pause to jump in and tell you where you’re wrong or misperceiving things on your OWN experience.

It’s so condescending and fucking patronizing. Of course he also thought he could manipulate me into dating him despite being way below my league looks wise and 20 years older.

I could literally see the thinking as he’d saunter over to me big belly leading the way. I might not be a looker but see I know how to talk to her just right to get her to xyz insert smug, barely concealed smile to self

He was trying to get with me but his condescending and infantilizing way of talking and dealing with me made him almost fucking unbearable for me to even be around or talk to for 5 minutes. It was repulsive and insulting

He was always trying to correct me on my own experience which he had not been around for or lead me on shit in my own department that he had zero knowledge of. Always waiting with a big smug smile to jump in and tell me how I was msiperceiving things, or how I mishandled a situation or didn’t know how to talk to/ deal with people, or suggest without saying so that I was being too hysterical, uptight and that was causing me to not see clearly people’s motive or intent

Example: He had a woman in his department who he was convinced “take too long in the bathroom. She just on her phone”. Ok. That may or may not be a valid complaint. The women could’ve had gynecological issues like fibroids that bleed and cause her to need to change a tampon every hour or two. By contrast I had an employee in my department with a client facing role. She was supposed to open up and greet clients at about 7:30 and would often not arrive til noon and not tell anyone. Every week, she’d be 1-3 hours for 1-2 days. I mentioned this after his asking how the new employee was doing and received a condescending smile suggestive of me being too worked up or not really having a valid complaint, that’s just some bs I need to learn to brush off. Like I was being amusingly hysterical and blowing things out of proportion. Mind you he’d been complaining to me for several several years about his employees too long bathroom breaks and considered that completely valid. This woman had not even been working there 3 weeks and was already regularly sauntering in 1-3 hours late several times a week with no call informing an administrator.

But of course his complaint was 100% valid and clearheaded and mine was so trivial and nutty a “‘misperception” based on me being over worked up and “not knowing how to deal with people”. He could barely hold in his giggles and sense of superiority while I was saying it. Everything I was saying was stupid or childish or me not knowing how to handle people or basic life situations. He was way less educated than I was but always thought he needed to and was qualified to play the guide/ father to me.

BasketLow8411 · 2021-12-31T18:43:58+00:00

Great example of implicit bias here. It’s completely inundated in our culture. If you want to learn more about yourself, take a few of the Harvard implicit bias tests.

scorchedsouI · 2021-12-31T15:55:26+00:00

Imagine giving birth to a wombless subcategory of the human species that speaks of you and your sex like this. I'd never reduce myself to that.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-12-31T15:57:11+00:00

The entire world would be better if more people would be self aware. And didn’t quash/conveniently ignore those observations.

OnlyPaperListens · 2021-12-31T20:21:02+00:00

I'm childfree, but the mothers I know who are most "with it" were careful to take this into consideration when naming their daughters. Feminine names that can be nicknamed unisex are the best: Samantha to Sam, for example.

aquietsword · 2022-01-02T07:51:22+00:00

This is why I don't give a fuck about any man I don't personally vet.

FI-REfox · 2021-12-31T17:23:47+00:00

If I'm being completely honest, I've had moments like this, to my shame. It's not only men who are socialized to not take women seriously or respect their contributions.

I'm hoping it's because I'm older than most of the ladies here, and that younger women do not experience this. The more female-focused I've become, the more I am consciously unlearning these assumptions.

Muffcakelord · 2022-01-02T12:50:01+00:00

And men swear up and down that when we change our genders online to be heard we're wrong and that men supposedly get treated the same or worse than women

lessadessa · 2021-12-31T16:05:51+00:00

Really glad he made this self realization.

Title	Self-aware guy realizes he doesn't take debate seriously when he perceives the person to be a woman.
Author	Softrito
Upvotes	1442
Comments	87
Date	December 31, 2021 12:24 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rssu7e/selfaware_guy_realizes_he_doesnt_take_debate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/self-aware-guy-realizes-he-doesnt-take-debate.1089781 https://theredarchive.com/post/1089781

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