Weekly FDS Check-in

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-14T16:24:04+00:00

I’ve made the decision to try to get full parental custody of my children and not do a 50/50 arrangement with my stbx husband. He hasn’t had contact his 3 children in three months (they have a private phone line and my oldest has his own cell phone and still no contact, not only that he did not answer my sons phone call to him on his birthday. Furthermore no one on his side of the family has reached out to the kids since March when the separation began), hasn’t contributed financially to their care (food, tuition, clothing, transportation or music lessons, and he stole 1,500 of their child benefits for his personal bills), strapped me with all the marital debt and hasn’t even checked in with their schools. He’s not a parent. We don’t want him. Hopefully the courts agree.

Alive-Cost · 2021-09-14T14:28:32+00:00

I just want to say that I'm so glad that I found FDS before I actually stated dating people, there are so many things I'm learning here, this sub is helping me level up and become a better person and it's also helping me realize that most of the things I dreamed about in a partner are actually just bare minimum, like being loyal, not drinking and being at least average looking, I used to think that it was everything a possible partner had to do. Also I absolutely love how it's a sub of just women for women, it never sat well with me how other subs would allow men to give their opinions on how a woman should look, talk, etc.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-09-14T13:21:43+00:00

So far, it’s been 6 weeks since I deleted all of my OLD apps. I’m super happy with the progress.

pawg_patrol · 2021-09-14T17:12:51+00:00

My NVM ex just moved out yesterday. I want to say I’m doing fine, but I’m not. I really miss him, even though he treated me like garbage.

The worst part is, he dumped me. I feel so pathetic. I just want to be strong, and reading what all of you ladies have to say is what’s helping me get by right now.

(That and cheesy fanfiction. And weed.)

I feel like I lost myself in that man, and I’m almost excited to be me again. But I’m scared. And I’m so, so sad. How do you pick up the pieces? I’m trying to hang out with my girlfriends and take care of myself, but I just keep wondering why I wasn’t enough. I keep doubting myself. I wish I could just be happy and content being alone.

File-Own · 2021-09-14T13:12:21+00:00

A narcissistic LVM tried to "shame" me for my "low paid" career last weekend, only to realise it wasn't even my career SMH lol.

I was at a party with a good friend of mine (who works as a secretary) but mostly acquaintances, and got chatted up by a finance guy I later found out had a reputation for being a "ladies' man" especially on OLD. (And for chasing around female Z list celebrities hoping to snag one). He kept hinting at being interested but refusing to make a move, so I gave up as I do not like men who act like they're the prize and started talking to other people. I later spoke to him in a friendly way (as we were by then playing a drinking game and actually did need to talk to each other as we were on the same team) and he point blanked me which I thought was weird.

Later on, I heard him chatting to another acquaintance of mine loudly in my earshot (I think he wanted me to hear), commenting on how he "wouldn't date losers even if they had degrees" "such as secretaries, waitresses and bartenders." I wasn't sure what he was on about as I am not a secretary, not that there's anything wrong with that. He then smirked at me and said "So which firm do you work for?" I looked him in the eye and said, "Oh, I work for [this firm], I'm a [senior position of responsibility]." He started laughing and said, "Are you sure?" but by then our acquaintance interjected and said, "She is, [our mutual friend] is a secretary you must mean her."

His FACE lmao... I laughed, rolled my eyes, looked him up and down, said "Idiot!" and walked off. He avoided me the rest of the party.

There's nothing wrong with being a secretary but there is with being a narcissistic LVM! Also, interesting fact, I am career minded but the most high value men I've met don't care about womens' careers so much. I have a friend who went to Oxford but she chooses to do temporary jobs like everything from creative stuff and freelancing to bartending to working in retail. She has never had any trouble finding men who spoil her, treat her well, etc. she just picks them well. LVM look for meal tickets and "strong career girl who will also go 50/50" mommy bangmaids.

Betty_Bottle · 2021-09-14T16:42:48+00:00

The Weeknd has a new song out called Take My Breath. I quite like it but can't help but think it's about choking, especially reading the lyrics. Am I looking too much into it? If it is then I HATE how normalised and even glamourised choking has become.

I don't know about you but I like to NOT die during sex 🤷🏼‍♀️

SpiteTomatoes · 2021-09-15T00:27:11+00:00

Thank you FDS for giving me confidence in my standards. I don't like sleeping with men until we have gotten to know each other at least a few months or are committed. I've gone on a couple dates with a seemingly HV guy, but he pretty much ghosted me after finding that out. Thanks for showing your true colors, dude. Are my standards too high or are you just too low? The answer is always the latter.

falsadinheiro · 2021-09-14T16:07:18+00:00

FDS is saving me, thank you! A guy from the job I just left reached out and asked if I was applying for another job in a different section with them; he was nice enough the few times I worked with him so had a brief conversation over text abojt work and holidays, before he sent me a meme with an innuendo. My gut and FDS training told me he was testing the waters so I didn’t reply.

Lo and behold, he’s been manipulating a girl half his age (near my age) behind his gf’s back and says he has feelings for her 🤡

Gross.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-09-14T13:09:32+00:00

I've been reading How to Spot a Dangerous Man by Sandra Brown and I love it! I'll probably make a book report post on it when I'm done.

spaceyAsh · 2021-09-15T19:52:08+00:00

My housemate has been going on OLD dates, and i have been comparing her experiences with FDS princicples, especially spotting red flags. I am very pleased to say certain behaviours immediately triggered a "nah this is bullshit" response in me. And I was proved right each time.
For example, the first date was with a guy who she had been talking to for a few days, and enjoyed speaking with. He 1) Asked her preferences for restaurants/diets 2) Suggested a fancy restaurant all on his own 3) Drove an hour to meet her and pick her up 4) Had his car detailed before the date . During the date he was respectful and insisted on paying. They didn't continue because the spark wasn't there, but I appreciated him treating her so well. He is someone I would set up with my friends because he obviously treats his dates well . Not saying he's a HVM though, I dont know enough for that. He's off to a great start though.

Onto the second guy, ugh, during the first day of texting he sends kiss face emoji's. The very first time he did, she shut him down. Then he offered to send her a "gym selfie" since she "wouldnt get to see his workout bod during the date" What? She obviously refused. But when she mentioned those things i immediately thought "fuck boy alert!" and told her as much. She still went ahead with the date because those things could be considered acceptable (by her, FDS reading me would've blocked immediately)
The date he invited her to was drinks and dinner at some bar. Ok. He didnt ask her how she planned to get there, and didnt even tell her how he would. She had to assume he would uber and did the same. Uber makes sense if you're drinking but wouldn't you atleast ensure the other person is aware? Then they split the bill for drinks. And some time into the date he suggested they walk to another bar and continue there. Because walking to hang in a bar is so different from what they were currently doing. It instantly reminded me of the lessons here mentioning "creating false intimacy by extending the date or doing multiple things". At this point she was mentally mapping her exit. He reluctantly walked her to her uber (i say reluctant because he asked "should i say bye to you here or.." when they were like 50 feet from her uber) and ends it with "I really want to kiss you.." After knowing each other and speaking for a grand total of 2 days. LOL. She laughed and said "not today" and bounced.

This got long, but basically he was full of red flags about not wanting something serious, and i was able to spot that very very early on. Yay FDS and yay me.

ExampleHuman8777 · 2021-09-14T19:57:00+00:00

Hidden Brain recently re-released an old podcast episode called "Just Sex" and it was a great listen because they talked about how hookup culture doesn't benefit women, particularly women of color.

daisy_0720 · 2021-09-14T15:25:02+00:00

Mods, could we consider removing the 'Male Depravity' flair and any posts with this kind of content? They're depressing, disgusting and add nothing to the discussion. Unlike the Stay Woke posts, which often provide sensible and practical advice for women, or the Cultural Misogyny posts that always invite intelligent and insightful discussions, the Male Depravity posts are nothing but an excuse for people to wallow in sick filth that has no business being on the front page of FDS. We know there are sick men out there, but how exactly is it helpful to read a comment about a man who raped a dog and broke its back legs?

The sub has taken a real negative turn recently and instead of a place that is empowering women and arming them with tools to date with self-worth and confidence, it is increasingly becoming a depressing and dispirited place with fatalistic doom and gloom mentality. I miss the posts where we could laugh at the Nest Guy and actually have fun here, while also learning useful dating tips to our advantage.

I'm thinking about just sticking to the Podcast for the foreseeable future, as the ladies are pithy, hard-hitting, hilarious and seem to reflect the spirit of FDS far more than the sub at the moment.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-09-14T23:01:42+00:00

I've been on the fence about wanting more children (I have one). I keep bouncing between "do I want to bring a poor child into this shitty world?" and "I want to raise someone who can make this shitty world a better place"

Though my anxieties around having another one seem to be winning most of the time with how depraved the world is. My wants for another child just seem selfish at this point.

Hateorade_ · 2021-09-15T02:31:54+00:00

I keep beating myself up due to the fact that I have anxiety and feel somewhat depressed due to my ex LVM. I see amazing stories on here where women feel the opposite: all their anxiety is away, any sadness that they feel is nearly gone. I hate how irritated I get with little things, I hate how isolating I can be… I broke up with LVM ex a year ago… why am I still like this? I realized that my anxiety gets triggered by anything having to do with him… I have occasional anxiety when it comes to school but it’s never severe.

I’m in therapy and we’ve concluded that I still have emotional trauma from this relationship and I haven’t had the balls in driving to his city to visit my friends there. It sucks. Sometimes I really want to push myself to my limits but other times I don’t want to push myself too hard.

DarbyGirl · 2021-09-17T17:58:29+00:00

I FOUND A HOOOOOOOUSE!!!

I'm pumped :) Well, I'm trying to not get too excited as it still has to pass the home and septic inspections. Its 40 minutes outside where I wanted to be, but it's a nice little 3 bedroom bungalow on a quiet road with a great half acre lot. I got it for a song because it's an estate sale that needs some paint and elbow grease and has been on the market for too long for them to keep floating it.

Hopefully my pup, kitties and I will be LVM free by Nov 1!

Suspicious-Judge-380 · 2021-09-17T02:05:42+00:00

proud of myself bc some guy left a note on my car saying “you’re hot” with his number. old pick me would have thoughtfully texted him. FDS me cracked up, sent a photo to my girlfriends, threw that shit in the trash and walked my way into work 🤣

FineDeliciousSnakes · 2021-09-17T16:38:00+00:00

I am so grateful for FDS. Male bullshit is EVERYWHERE and I no longer feel confused or small. I feel liberated and happy every day!

shedipity · 2021-09-14T12:43:53+00:00

please can i get my newbie flair back? i’m unsure as to why i have the Pickmeisha flair all of a sudden, as far as i am aware my comment history is not pick-me or questionable and i haven’t argued with any mods?? i’d love to know what happened!!

ello-motto · 2021-09-14T23:34:06+00:00

Could we get Breeny Lee on the FDS podcast?

Her philosophy aligns so much with FDS. Since she's broken up with her ex, her FDS aligned content is on overdrive. Really good videos about the real nature of men, and teaching young girls and women to not be pick mes and spotting red flags.

Aloe_You_Vera_Much · 2021-09-15T02:35:46+00:00

As I’ve been going through a tough journey to get my mental health in order, I’ve finally found the motivation to make it further on writing a book than ever before! It’s my dream to write a full book because I’m a voracious reader, but I’ve never had the motivation to get past the idea stage and 2-6 pages of writing. I’m so excited!

WCAttorney · 2021-09-15T04:05:09+00:00

I received a mod notice "you have been identified as male" - what's up with that? It was a month or so ago, right around the same time as all those "concerned redditor" reports. What's the story with it?

Breesasha · 2021-09-14T14:04:57+00:00

I've been continuing to re-evaluate my friends and make sure they're actually high value.

I had a former friend from high school reach out to me on Instagram; we were cool since Sophomore years and then I didn't see her for awhile. There was 7 year ago where we both moved away for college but we kept in contact on social media. She invited me to be a bridesmaid in her Vegas wedding in 2017 but it was a whole mess. She basically shunned me or avoided me the whole trip. I flew out with my mom and stayed in a separate hotel. She drove with her family and the rest of the wedding party. The rest of the wedding party went out every night for dinner or drinks or sight-seeing and I was never included. She wouldn't text me back or answer my calls or she'd wait hours and tell me they had just finished up an activity. I was confused cuz she invited me to be in her wedding...but basically out of a 4 day trip, I only saw her at the wedding and reception right after. We tried going out to Fremont Street later that night but she cut it short and went back to her hotel because she was "tired". After I got home from the trip, i didn't hear from her. 3 weeks later she posted the professional photos from the wedding which I downloaded and saved to my PC. Then I unfriended her. Fast forward to 2 days ago, she sent me a friend request on IG and DMed me. I was surprised but still hurt. She never apologized and she seemed like she wanted to just catch up like nothing happened. I immediately blocked her. I don't need a fake friend in my life. I don't care what she's done in the last 4 years or why she decided to reach out now..

Gambit12345 · 2021-09-16T13:59:40+00:00

Ladies I’m devastated. Guy I was seeing revealed to me he has been with men. He didn’t say when or what he did. I don’t care necessarily that he may be bi (he didn’t want to put a label on what he is), but I was more concerned about the fact that he wasn’t being forthright about what he’s done, which leads me to believe he thinks it’s bad enough that he doesn’t want to tell me, and the impact it could have on my health. It really sucks because he was adding a lot to my life and things were going well. But I don’t think I can get past this.

warinmymind94 · 2021-09-17T05:50:22+00:00

my roomate is loosing her temper and snapping. it's becoming a verbally abusive/manipulative situation. I am making an exit plan to get another place before my lease ends. I dont have the money to get another place right now but im gonna work harder to save up money again and get a different place.

anyways I had a first date with a guy a month ago. thought it went good enough to keep in contact. the week afterwards he spent away on a vacation he was still checking in and showed me some of the vacation pics... and when he got home I was pretty much heading out for my 2 week vacation /family visit. he started to slow fade then like 1 text a day. when I got home he got a little chattier and called me to hear about my trip... but the convo was boring and awkward ... I had this weird gut feeling he was trying to masturbate just to hearing my voice... I ended up saying I had to go. I thought the call would have been enjoyable like the other ones before but nope, and he still hadn't asked me on date number 2. I ended up texting him saying I am having roommate issues and really cant be bothered right now. im not a last ditch option and I cant tolerate the slow fading.

blocked another dude was way too clingy. just constantly messaging me. triple texting. I have stuff to do and I cant be pen pals. he needs a job and a hobby the constant texts were quickly too much and I blocked him.

guy that wanted to catch up with me when I was visiting family went silent and ghosted me when he knew I was there. sort of felt like being stood up. we had plans and then the whole 2 weeks I was there hadn't heard a peep. blocked. done.

i'm having a beer and a cry tonight. I will feel better tomorrow

SpicyScroteRoastery · 2021-09-17T07:14:40+00:00

I've felt incredibly fucking lonely these past couple of weeks, but I was kind to myself and just comforted myself through it the best I could. On a more positive note, work is actually going great!

FDS-GFY · 2021-09-15T00:58:56+00:00

I just finished “consent: a memoir” and hoo boy should that be on our book list.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-16T17:56:54+00:00

It’s been 2-3 months that I’m single and I’m feeling so good, so myself, that lvm really wanted to get in my nerves but i didn’t let him. I’m learning a lot trough all of your experiences and advices, thank you so much💕 i m glad that i found fds at this age (20) i have a long way to go

Feministtiktok · 2021-09-17T02:50:56+00:00

I miss FDS memes! Did FDS remove the ability to post them?

Julia374 · 2021-09-15T00:08:17+00:00

Kind of random but i’ve been kind of stressed recently so I decided to treat myself to a nice relaxing bath today to alleviate it. I haven’t had one for ages but it was heavenly. If anyone else is feeling below par I’d highly recommend trying it! 🙂

Golden_Lavender · 2021-09-15T00:32:18+00:00

Feeling confused and a little lost as to what to do now with my career choices. Its like everytime I make a decision there's like 50 practical reasons to not go for it. I'm tired of school and working retail and I just don't know what to do anymore. I know that in your early 20s your supposed to be in school but I just cant anymore.

Expensive-Worker5767 · 2021-09-14T21:30:40+00:00

Seeing someone for about 6 weeks. The first week we went on two dates and then they left for a 3 week trip. Upon return went on two dates. The night of the fourth date we tried to have sex (I know not FDS, I’m still learning). It didn’t work, he says that condom is the problem. I reply that I don’t have unprotected sex unless I’m in an exclusive committed relationship. He assumed that we were exclusive and when I told him I had dates with other people he was very upset. It was awful, he reacted poorly. Also surprised to learn that he has had a vasectomy for about a decade. Previous dates he had been vague about if he wanted kids or not. Anyway I tell him that I’m fine to be exclusive but we should wait longer to have sex, and must get tested prior. He agrees.

Out last date (#6) he asked me to be his girlfriend. He also asked if I would be a date for a couple of weddings in the next month or two. He has planned and paid for every date, bought me flowers twice, and seems to have a lot of HVM traits. I am recovering pickme, who has dated LVM. Compared to my last LVM situationship, this feels like a lot of commitment. It has also been hard for me to nix my pickme 50/50 mentality and I feel a little guilty letting him pay for everything. I totally think that he should pay and 50/50 is bs, but it is an adjustment.

I guess I’m looking for advice on the situation and if any queens see red flags or am I just accustomed to LV behavior that this feel like too much.

TL:DR - HVM behavior or too much too soon?

EDIT: Wow, after reading the comments I realize my original question is likely the least of my worries. I am going to go back and read the handbook again. I appreciate all the comments. I am not yet ready to block and delete, but I am in a much better place to accept that he may not be the one.

Confusing bare minimum for HV
Opposite behavior of some LV men does not automatically make it HV, could be just a different flavor of LV. 😂

❤️ thank you!

RufusLaButte · 2021-09-14T13:25:51+00:00

This is a random thought I’ve been having - I feel like women need in-person groups (post covid obvs) to meet and discuss these kinds of things.

I hate that I also immediately think about how those groups might be targeted, but at the end of the day I do think bringing some of these principles to women IRL groups/community could be really useful.

Trojaneer_South · 2021-09-18T03:55:23+00:00

Just met a new acquaintance and thought we were kind of vibing. He then mentioned how he has a girlfriend and they're "nomads" who usually stay in hotels/bnbs but his "recent victory" was convincing her they should sleep in their car instead sometimes. His job pays well and lends itself to working remotely but for her it's less advantageous/convenient to be remote, let alone living in a car. What a hoot that I would have been smitten with this kind of guy before FDS.

lostmillenia · 2021-09-18T00:31:14+00:00

Life: year 4 of sobriety is absolutely insane. Just like my sponsor said.

Manbaby ex is prolly going to go live in his dads gfs basement he told me. When I'm nice he thinks we are fixing things. Too bad so sad. He's watching the pets while we are on vacation.

Business ex capitalism fanboy has been popping up here and there every couple months. We chat, how's the fam, how's life etc, I ask him business questions, and then we dont talk for month. Was telling him about the airbnb I had reserved for the 2nd half of vacation (the exbf isnt coming on) and he was like, "when is it? sure I'll come!"👹 Im like............ what. He goes, "hey you broke up with me!" And it would be wild.

Pickme would have been like "sure, but let me get my clown nose first... oh and can you drive the fancy whip there?" 🤡

What would my family think?!?!?!

Wow. Yeah im gunna take YOU on vacation. Pffft.

I'm gunna stick to my plan though. My plan is to cancel for full refund, then book myself something luxurious. No scrotes allowed.💅

Enjoying Breeny on YouTube and the podcast in the car.

I was approached by someone in my industry and offered a new job. Working weekends so far, then fulltime in Oct. Hoping they arent bait and switching me. It sounds like potential upward movement, and I like the comraderie, but at the same time its working for a big corporation when before I was working for a small business. If it isnt how they promised me in terms of mentorship and job duties I will be so bummed. I accepted their first offer moneywise 😬😓 I left a job where I was like 80% happy in hopes of being 90%. I hope the increase in my knowledge, the health insurance, and the CV boost is worth the pay cut. My last pay cut was when i switched industries in 2019.

Researching starting an online business/content site in order to be a little more financially comfortable. All of a sudden lately I'm having anxiety about money.

I usually never worry about money. And i know this is a time of a lot of change. Considering that I think im coping well.

Thank you for reading ladies. Any feedback welcome.

modernmedusaa · 2021-09-19T20:59:54+00:00

Anyone else sick of ‘quirky’ white male clones that don’t work out, make dark (read rude/arrogant) jokes & basically have no personality

It’s like they’re all the same person. Same bad jokes. Same style. Same whimsical lack of effort

Throw me something new already 🙄

Livia_Drusila · 2021-09-20T17:03:40+00:00

I have an OkCupid account I barely use and check intro messages once in a while just out of curiosity for the terrible state of affairs. MEN ARE SO AWFUL AT CONVERSATION. Not talking about the typical "hey" or "let's have fun ;)" scroteys. I mean the slightly "smarter" ones. Once I give them a chance at conversation given their slightly above average effort intro, they fizzle out. They think everything is given once they got my initial attention, and their subsequent messages get less and less engaging. Sometimes there's not even room for me to answer. Do they honestly think I will waste my time carrying a whole conversation? Do they think I have to seduce THEM with my intelligence, creativity and sense of humor? THAT'S YOUR DUTY, HALF-WIT! Their Y chromosomes are so degraded that they don't even attempt to "compete" with the other men for our attention, and even go to the lengths of defending each other! (e.g., an otherwise half-decent seeming guy felt the need to question the use of the term fuckboy by women on the site, because doesn't everybody want sex?) They're not smart enough to keep the facade for long enough to even fuck. I have more testosterone in my ovaries than they do in their own balls at this point. Jesus Christ.

Friendly-Yesterday21 · 2021-09-15T15:48:35+00:00

So I know online dating goes against the FDS rules but I need a way to put myself out there as I have been busy and not really socializing as of late. I recently updated my online dating profile to include that I’m looking for someone with “traditional values” a few men have asked what I mean by it and explain that I want someone who wants commitment, a family eventually and pays for dates.

I don’t mind explaining to them but I wonder if having that on my profile is a way to filter out LVM? Any other good strategies? I would prefer to not even see their likes come in if they are LVM.

Okami-Sama19 · 2021-09-17T21:23:51+00:00

Yo, the link for the fds discord won't work for me, can someone dm the link for it via reddit?

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-09-20T00:29:04+00:00

My heart is broken for Gabby and her family.

Chubby-Lovie · 2021-09-21T12:54:44+00:00

Dumped a fake friend who thought he had compromising pics/info on me. Feels nice.

Title	Weekly FDS Check-in
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	74
Comments	139
Date	September 14, 2021 12:07 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/po1gir/weekly_fds_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-check-in.1070491 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070491

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