Why you should NEVER accept a 50/50 relationship: THIS. Imagine how life is if she just stay single and work on her business alone.

Drpyroxene · 2022-03-31T20:53:10+00:00

"We have a great relationship otherwise," she lied to herself. 😒

ThrowRA_lantern · 2022-04-01T02:22:40+00:00

I’ve been trying to talk my friend out of a similar situation. She’s in part time retail while he works full time for a major TV channel and they have this stupid joint account arrangement where basically all her week’s earnings go into it and he just sprinkles whatever money is needed for their date/event.

He loves to “spoil” my friend but that literally translates to using their joint account on one card so it looks like he’s paying for everything or “treating” her to sporting tickets to go support HIS favourite team, then at the end of the night asks her to pay her half for the tickets AND the taxi ride home 🤡.

And just like this post, my friend still says “I’m completely broke and losing my hair trying to keep up with my bf but we have a great relationship otherwise and now we’re thinking of moving in together!” 🤡🤡

LateDiagnosedAutie · 2022-04-01T08:53:04+00:00

I never understood this whole 'allowance' system. It's humiliating. My parents are classic boomers with breadwinner father and SAHM. My mother has literally NEVER had to ask for money, much less beg for it. Everything that my dad makes goes into joint accounts. She has several credit and debit cards linked to all accounts and can spend at her leisure and convenience.

The idea of the SAHM being forced, again and AGAIN, to timidly ASK for an allowance... that's both enraging and heart-breaking.

It's pretty obvious, in this post, that this isn't even a budget issue where he has to keep track of where the money is going in order to make sure bills are paid. Nope. He just likes the sick thrill of making his wife beg for food, clothing and household supplies.

I wonder what her idea of 'luxuriously treating herself' is? My mother would luxuriate in solo vacations, massages and spa treatments as occasional special treats to herself. This poor woman from the post probably feels guilty when she's spending her 'allowance' on anything other than basic necessities.

aquietsword · 2022-03-31T22:02:45+00:00

He'll revisit this joint account himself when she starts making more

Sage_Planter · 2022-03-31T21:22:05+00:00

The worst part of this is we all know he's getting some sick pleasure out of controlling her this drastically. It's awful that she has to beg for money, but it's even worse that he get some twisted glee out of her living the way she is.

Platipus6 · 2022-04-01T00:05:53+00:00

Imagine if she was single and got PAID to be a house-cleaner instead.

thewetdog_ · 2022-04-01T02:35:51+00:00

Genuinely would rather move back in with my mom and dad and live out our days together than suffer though this.

KitKat1705 · 2022-04-01T08:51:43+00:00

Cheap men are the worst. Been there done that.

missgelassenheit · 2022-03-31T20:09:10+00:00

I can't even imagine that wow just wow.

SayNad · 2022-03-31T20:18:07+00:00

Goes to show that if more often than not, a 50/50 man is a horribly stingy yet entitled man that for sure demand sex and expect her doing all the house chores - but she better be paying every single dime of her half. Even when she makes only 20% of his income. He doesn't care if she suffers - everything is a transaction to him.

He won't appreciates her sacrifices - he sees it as his "right" to get all he can from her while protecting his money from the her potential "evil gold-diggerness".

You get nothing out of a 50/50 relationship ladies, only pain and suffering. Resentment will build up over time - no matter how fine you are with it at the beginning.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-04-01T05:42:24+00:00

Resent him a bit?

Remember that post ehere he invited her to an exotic vacation with his family but she had to pay her half? And he was upset eith her because she skipped most lunches cuz she couldn't afford them?

I mean .... How can a man just be like this? ☠️

🤡"Sorry, mummy..Cindy can't afford to eat lunch with us today and the day after tomorrow. You see, she is poor."

💩"Poor, you say? How awful! Then who is going to go shopping with me?"

🤡"Oh, no, mummy, those are the money she saved to pay for the deluxe room. She's sharing with me. I hope she has money for a return ticket! I wouldn't like to have to find a new house buddy that shares all the bills with me. And an attractive one at that, mummy!'

thicctoria · 2022-04-01T10:32:47+00:00

“We have a great relationship otherwise”

No you don’t. You have to ask your man for pocket money. That’s embarrassing girl. 😬

Also at that salary difference, he should be covering ALL the bills.

sleepysiri · 2022-03-31T21:12:08+00:00

As a WLW, I would never do this to my hypothetical wife. Jeez. I wouldn’t do this to anyone I was supposed to be in love with.

My parents gave me more money than that growing up 🥴

queenofswordsxxx · 2022-03-31T22:35:47+00:00

This is straight up financial abuse wtf. She should have access to her money and more

tzijo · 2022-03-31T22:58:54+00:00

Y’all know it’ll still be 50/50 when they have kids

oscine23 · 2022-04-01T03:30:54+00:00

I’m divorced and my ex makes twice as much as I do. He 50/50’d me to death when we were married and he still does. My sons therapy is 175 a week. Instead of giving me his half for the month, he gives it to me weekly l, the day before each session, and splits it down the middle to the CENT. Today he sent me $87.50. Mathematically it’s correct, but it annoys the fk outta me to see that fkn 50 cents. He’s so goddamn cheap. 😡

millennialpink2000 · 2022-03-31T21:33:24+00:00

This is financial abuse. Full stop

mandoa_sky · 2022-04-01T04:57:18+00:00

my dad actually is happy to pay for a lot of stuff "cos it keeps my mum happy". she's still upset that she doesn't really have a credit card in her own name though - although i dunno why she won't get a debit card since you don't need a full time job to have one of those.

radfem_babe · 2022-03-31T22:24:13+00:00

In marriage all assets are shared unless there is a prenup..

She needs a good divorce lawyer.

fartsplatter · 2022-03-31T20:58:25+00:00

This was my marriage. I found out 10 years into that relationship that he was hiding a "sexual addiction", spending money on interactive camgirls, fetish videos and a shit ton of porn. I never questioned his need for all his hard drives and computer equipment because he worked in IT....he always made double my income but enforced 50/50 rent and mortgage. Fast fotward to current divorce situation, he refused to pay child, spousal support and the proceeds of the house sale are frozen in a trust account until he agrees to split it.

Sephoricfallout · 2022-04-01T00:44:58+00:00

This is absolute nigthmare and rage fuel. Sadly, this trash behavior is very common among men currently. Them expecting to go 50/50 on payments, bills, etc. because eQuALiTy , no matter if he makes 5 times as much as her. Meanwhile these men have no issue with letting her do the majority if not all the chores. Then people wonder why an increasing number of women now forgo having kids or getting into relationships with men. At this point she'll be better off divorcing this degenerate and taking half his shit, I really hope she does.

4E4ME · 2022-04-01T05:16:26+00:00

You just know there's a significant age gap here

missdanielleyy · 2022-03-31T23:24:32+00:00

They are MARRIED and he still doesn’t trust her :(

CaliPenelope1968 · 2022-03-31T20:35:05+00:00

This is financial abuse. I lived like that until I found out about his emotional and sexual abuse (cheating) which is typical of these types of men. Financial abuse and hoarding is a big red flag warning of sexual infidelity. He does not see you as an equal partner. It's not a good sign. I regularly talked myself into his narrative, that I was at risk of being financially irresponsible and that it was my fault that I chose to work part time while raising children. Pick-me self used to justify this separation of assets to others by positively gushing that this arrangement was the only reason he (not we, he) had any savings at all. This was primarily to women who were 100% SAHM married to HVM. I made myself look like a LVW on purpose in order to try to comparatively make him look like a HVM. It didn't work. It never does. Level UP, not down. Do not make yourself small for a LVM ever. Then he chose to spend "his" savings on a vacation home that was a financial and time drain. I resented it--the time on the road, the extra laundry and cleaning, money I spent on furnishings, etc. But he loved showing it off to the women at work that he openly fantasized about. We would clean the place up so that they could visit. Financial hoarding and control gave him a very false sense of importance. He was extremely dismissive of my contributions to the household and family. Don't be like former me. Current me is doing QUITE well financially, after recovering from a divorce and my half of the financial losses incurred when he chose to invest in bad real estate. I let him lie to me. I lied to myself. Don't allow a man to make you think you're financially dependent on him. Each time you beg for money, you are feeding into his teeny, fragile ego. You know this makes him UNattractive but he thinks he is king shit. The dissonance causes depression and discord in the marriage.

solarflour · 2022-03-31T23:17:49+00:00

Of course she ends with the classic “we have a great relationship otherwise.” Uh yeah, other than the fact that your husband is a selfish piece of shit.

SwallowerOfSkies · 2022-04-01T04:27:21+00:00

I have no doubt she pays for her own food during their dates too.

cat_realness · 2022-03-31T21:09:56+00:00

Well I am sure at the beginning she found this whole set up "empowering" because she didn't want to owe him anything. Like how the hell does a man making $100k wants to split things with his wife who makes $20k? Like he would pay ay more to have access to a cheap prostitute. $20 transfer?

nietzschequeenxo · 2022-03-31T23:17:45+00:00

It’s bad enough that these scrotes are all rapists and pedophiles, but they have to keep us as slaves too? Drop this sack of shit ASAP! I’d bet anything he subscribes to onlyfans too but is too cheap to share a bank account so she can get her coochie waxed when she needs to.. stay strong queen xx

elainejay82 · 2022-04-01T14:25:49+00:00

I never went 50/50 with any of them but I have dated some seriously rich dudes. One of them was self made and the other was a trust fund kid.

The trust fund boy was EXACTLY THIS POST, but he seemingly treated me like gold on the outside looking in. High end gifts, lavish vacations, snowboarding, snorkeling...you name it we did it and I didn't have to pay for anything. HOWEVER, we had been together for a long time and I started realizing I was not in on the finances of our household at all, never knew amounts on accounts, etc etc. He did not give me an "allowance," but I was left out of knowing the full scope of our finances. Yes, OUR finances.

Ladies, NO. Don't let this happen to you. If your relationship is progressing correctly, you become a part of the finances and the budgeting process or you get tf out. If he uses words like "gold digger" to describe other women, he probably thinks you are one too.

Look at it this way. If he's making you budget and save so hard, meanwhile you really don't know the scope of his money (aka YOUR money), he's being controlling with the finances. Remember, omission of the truth is LYING. So you can think of it like that. You're not in on the accounts, etc.? This guy is LYING to you and we don't stay with liars.

Also, I always think of men doing this shit with their money like this... What's he hiding? Why is it such a secret? If he thinks I should budget and walk around in the dark without knowing the full scope, is he doing the same? What's he doing with OUR money? And if he's making you budget really hard or nickel and diming you along the way, what are WE saving up for? Is there even a goal in budgeting this hard? A home? A car? What? If he never expresses why you're budgeting so hard (as in an active, tangible goal), then this dude is CONTROLLING YOU with money and wants you to be fucking poor. Meanwhile he has and does what with the money?

He has no problem sleeping with you and getting the most intimate parts of you, but after 2 years he can't be frank with you about the financial situation you both are in? Nah, son. It doesn't work like that.

This post would have been me had I followed through with marrying the guy. I would have been nickeled and dimed the whole way while he did God knows what with OUR money. I'm grateful everyday that this post wasn't me.

chainsawbobcat · 2022-03-31T23:13:22+00:00

Oof that one is rough

annie222222 · 2022-03-31T22:48:47+00:00

This is why you should at minimum get a pamphlet when you get married that spells out marital law in your state at the time of marriage, with a clause that laws change and so signing up to get married might not even be what this pamphlet describes. But the pamphlet should spell out that all money earned during the marriage is equally owned by both spouses. Because it is.

HeatherandHollyhock · 2022-04-01T08:37:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-03-31T20:31:27+00:00

That’s not remotely 50-50.

dragonqueen65 · 2022-03-31T20:36:19+00:00

She could also just open her own account and keep her own cash. How did she get to the point where she needs permission to access the money that she earned herself? Even if she wasn't earning anything, she should know how much is in her husband's account, she should have access automatically. My gut is saying he's doing something ridiculous..he's probably supporting two families or something and hiding the financial evidence from both women.

arcanaschala · 2022-04-01T08:19:09+00:00

What a terrible relationship

FlockAroundtheClock · 2022-04-01T14:43:58+00:00

"We have a great relationship otherwise."

How? I don't understand how that's possible. He's a stingy little man and you have to beg him for scraps. How can you have any respect, desire, or affection for someone who treats you that way?

MyBeautifulSweetsong · 2022-03-31T20:32:59+00:00

Anytime a man gives exact amounts for currently needed items he is controlling and keeping her under his thumb.

Have it in writing before the marriage ladies.

LevelIngUp21 · 2022-03-31T22:48:46+00:00

I didn’t even go 50/50 with room mates, we contributed equitably to our rent/expenses based off of income. This is bullshit.

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-04-01T16:33:39+00:00

You can't have a relationship without trust...and you certainly can't keep one for long when you RESENT him. And she has every reason to resent him!!!

He should be taking care of her and the amount he makes in comparison is staggering.

These men want to keep women dependent and weak...it's heartbreaking.

cutekittensmeow · 2022-04-01T18:18:21+00:00

What is wrong with both of these people? Once you're married there's no more "my money", there's only "our money" or you're just dating with extra steps.

Why even bother to get married if you don't want actually want to share with your partner?

Estrella_Rosa · 2022-04-01T00:55:49+00:00

As someone who was married to an extremely cheap asshole who tried this, you have to ease your way into controlling all of the finances. Don’t even flinch when you go to the store don’t ever offer to pay for anything. Don’t even ask for money asked to use his card and forget to give it back. Slowly wearing him down into having a second card in your name and making sure your Social Security number is added to it. With AMEX being a second card user is actually good for your credit but every other card just makes you an authorized user. By the time we were divorced I maxed out every credit card he had I did not care in any shape or form. I’m also the one who ended the relationship. I went into it all innocent and blinded to how he was but by the time it was over I made sure to spend everything possible

edwardianemerald · 2022-04-01T19:08:00+00:00

I think this is also an argument for people dating within their socioeconomic strata.

preppykat3 · 2022-04-01T22:14:25+00:00

I don’t understand what’s the point of dating a man who makes a lot more than you and still expects 50/50. You’re better off getting a roommate???

pinkgirly111 · 2022-04-01T19:22:42+00:00

control. it’s always about control.

esthermaniii · 2022-04-03T07:41:45+00:00

Leave him, sis.

randomgirlimok · 2022-04-09T04:41:11+00:00

I was friends with a married couple like this. We’d go out to dinner and he’d be telling his wife how much to pay him back for the meal. They’re divorced now.

Title	Why you should NEVER accept a 50/50 relationship: THIS. Imagine how life is if she just stay single and work on her business alone.
Author	SayNad
Upvotes	998
Comments	107
Date	March 31, 2022 8:07 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tt8g59/why_you_should_never_accept_a_5050_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-you-should-never-accept-a-5050-relationship.1109230 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109230

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