Current dating attitudes.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-01-15T21:24:15+00:00

High Maintenance/above average women tend to have this line of thinking. As a woman, I know those women tend to deal with men of a certain caliber which is why they say those things. If you’re a man that’s average or even slightly above average, you’re not even on their radar.

Now is it against equality? Yes. Do those women believe in equality, I’m not sure since they’re not the average woman. Women that deal with men on a higher scale already know there’s no equality.

If you want a hot (above average) woman then don’t be surprised when they have this type of mentality. They’re used to a certain lifestyle.

To put it into perspective, Men wanting a beautiful/hot woman to be low maintenance is the equivalent of women wanting a 6’4 sexually attractive millionaire to be faithful. Odds are slim.

EulenWatcher · 2024-01-15T21:54:02+00:00

It depends on a woman and culture. It seems in the US the expectation put on men to pay for dates is still strong and is stronger than certain European countries. Although even in the US you can find women who prefer to split or at least don't mind it, but it depends on your social circle and what kind of women you're going to.

I'm egalitarian so when I was dating I preferred to split expenses or pay in turns. I also have no problems paying for my friends and generally spoiling people around me when I have the opportunity to do it, so I can't really relate to the expectation to be paid for.

I guess it makes sense if you're more on a traditional side and you're looking for someone compatible. Some women also do it just because they can afford it and/or because they go for men who express their admiration through money. I'm not sure these women are interested in equality or making things fair for both genders, just as men who use money as their main mean to get a partner probably aren't really interested in more egalitarian relationships.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-01-15T21:40:46+00:00

The video was created to attract attention from that particular audience of trad women, so that’s who is commenting.

Most women don’t see crap like that in their feed unless they cater to or are courted by trad-con social media content.

hungrychick404 · 2024-01-15T21:16:47+00:00

I personally don’t want to make someone else pay for everything on a date. However, I don’t want a man who seems stingy with his money. I would rather be in a relationship where we can treat each other generously while not nickel and diming each other. While I like to offer to split the check, I have asked people out on dates and paid for both of us because I was the asker, so I don’t see much wrong with wanting to treat someone that you chose to take out.

toasterchild · 2024-01-15T21:14:22+00:00

You will agree with some of the people some of the time but never all of the people all of the time. The point of dating is to find the some you agree with. There are many women who prefer to split the bill, seek them out.

Sillysheila · 2024-01-15T22:17:04+00:00

It’s about getting free stuff. That’s it. People take all sorts of excuses to get free stuff. Women are not excluded from that. The idea that it’s to “prove” that men can provide or that they care about the woman is really weird to me, because they barely know that dude. You don’t even know if you’ll like him well enough that he’s going to end up doing that.

penndelnj · 2024-01-15T21:26:25+00:00

How many of those unyielding girl bosses with snappy comebacks actually have a man? This is peak loser female energy.

confused_makeup · 2024-01-16T19:05:38+00:00

Personally, the person who asks the other out should at least offer to pay, since the date was their idea. But that's just my perspective.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-01-15T21:06:48+00:00

In general, I like to split. Actually my man is going through some tough financial times right now so I more often pay for both of us at the moment. I know he’ll return the favor eventually. Part of it is that a man will usually choose the place and ask the woman on a date, and if he chooses an expensive place, it’s kind of weird to ask to split since you chose the spot. That’s why I always say it’s good to choose a really cheap place first like a coffee shop. But if you only go after girls who are so high maintenance that they drop you unless you take them 5 star dining, then that’s what you’re going to get.

Mayfloweronthewall · 2024-01-15T21:51:24+00:00

I mean a man paying sounds nice but I wouldn’t mind paying half on the first few date because I wouldn’t want him to think I owe him sex just because he paid for some food.

Some women can afford to move through life like this because they are attractive, incredibly charming, etc…They don’t need to be fair because they can get what they want regardless. All that matters at the end of the day is if they can find a man who is willing to do those things, if they can then 🤷🏾‍♀️

Some things will never be fully equal. A lot of women wish they could share the physical burden of pregnancy with their partner but they can't. Men have a greater desire for sex (especially from beautiful women) so much so that they're willing to pay for it. Supply and demand.

MailenJokerbell · 2024-01-16T08:26:16+00:00

Problem is, chronically online people would say shit like that because that's what's being posted all the time on TikTok. It isn't even an original thought so it's hilarious to think people try to pull this shit off offline.

It's like one time a guy said I have "masculine energy" and I had to remind him that he wasn't in some YouTube comment section. Cringy ass behavior

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-01-15T21:22:45+00:00

People are free to choose for themselves what kind of relationship they want instead of being coerced into a mandated role.

"Equality" doesn't mean every single person must have the exact same kind of intimate relationship. So if a woman wants a traditional man, she's allowed to. And if a woman wants a more liberal or egalitarian man, she's allowed to as well.

The difference is that women had very little choice but to be traditional.

But I feel like we are taking a step backwards and there’s some huge double standards in that women want traditional men with those values, but on the flip side don’t want to be those traditional women

Do you think more women split the bill in 2024 or 1974?

They don't have to be those traditional women if they don't want to be. They'll either find someone okay with what they ask or stay single. No one is making men pay for women on dates if that's not the kind of relationship he wants. Instead, men whine about "not getting a second date if they don't pay" like someone is forcing them to date women who are apparently fundamentally incompatible with them.

Men have plenty of double standards of their own - the expectation that we immediately fuck them while keeping a low number of sexual partners is one of the biggest ones.

If you don't want to pay for a woman on the first date, congrats! Feminism made it much more likely to find a woman okay with that.

Pola_Lita · 2024-01-15T21:13:20+00:00

So I’m genuinely asking for the women, you want equality & to be treated like normal human beings then why is the attitude currently in the dating sphere that men have to pay for you time.

Why would gender roles preclude this? We should all have equal rights and be treated like "normal human beings" whether we want to be SAHMs or CEOs.

Am I just being dumb considering I’ve not dated for better part of a year as I’ve been in therapy & doing some personal growth/healing. But I feel like we are taking a step backwards and there’s some huge double standards in that women want traditional men with those values, but on the flip side don’t want to be those traditional women.

This confusion isn't exclusively the province of women. Women have been expected to be mothers and keep a household while holding down full time jobs for a very very long time.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-01-15T22:46:40+00:00

I've found it's normal in my generation (z) for women to want to pay for their own food. Whether or not men let them is another matter. The whole thing is very tokenistic, worst case you have like £20 on the line and that won't buy you love or bankrupt you or flush anyone's equality down the toilet but often someone ends up upset. I will always pay for at least myself, that's how I was raised and it helps to filter, and I'm not feeling like I'm paying someone for their time or oppressing them or determining all our future interactions by being nice and getting them one spaghetti boognese.

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-01-16T20:24:21+00:00

I only deal with men who pay for the whole date, don’t ask me out and then expect us to spilt anything unless you’re ok with being friendzoned, because I’m just gonna assume you only want to be friends at that point 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m in my early 20’s and prefer to date men who are slightly older than me, so I expect them to have their shit together and know how to court a woman at their big age

Also you want to talk about fairness and equality, but men get on here and say they want to date hot, young, beautiful women all the time, is that fair to the women who aren’t hot, young, and beautiful?? If a woman is hot, young, and beautiful then she will have options and she has no incentive to scrape from the bottom, so if she can pull a guy who has enough money to pay for dates, why would she pick the broke one who has nothing to offer?? Men do the same exact thing, if he can pull a hot, sexy woman, why would he pick the ugly one when he doesn’t have to??? Supply and demand 🌝

AngeCruelle · 2024-01-15T21:48:08+00:00

you want equality & to be treated like normal human beings then why is the attitude currently in the dating sphere that men have to pay for you time.

How pray tell does paying for someone's food make them less equal or less of a human being than you?

Call the expectation of having your date for dinner entitled, presumptuous, whatever. But I think being unable to see the people you buy things for as equal human beings is a character flaw on the part of the giver.

demedermidimi · 2024-01-15T21:57:11+00:00

women, just like men, pick and choose which parts of traditional dating and which parts of modern dating they like. it's normal, not everyone will be compatible

Safinated · 2024-01-15T21:22:44+00:00

Men have and always will have to put in more effort because they want sex more than women

Men will pay for sex. Women will generally not

operation-spot · 2024-01-15T21:57:02+00:00

I like to split because I don’t want a man to think I owe him anything but I would call myself somewhat high maintenance so I still have high expectations of income, class, and education because I want a partner to match me.

thetruthishere_ · 2024-01-16T02:05:07+00:00

I dont think its just 'traditional' and etiquette plays a role. The asker pays and men/women are still raised that men pay. Its still alive today even though things have chaged.

Also a huge thing is if a man doesnt pay hes just not that interested and its a very real thing and any men here can deny it all they want. Men will 'jump through hoops' for women they really like. Women know this, you man made it this way.

And really a lot is equality as can just get jobs, buy homes, obtain, credit, etc and not about just dating/relationships.

Women I know as well as myself, if we are in a relationship, we buy too, dutch it, cook, buy him gifts etc and dont expect our men to pay for Every date and dont treat him too.

Women that expect a man to pay for Everything while dating and she does nothing in return is a different batch of women. They are not the norm and weak men put up with them.

Youre dating a women that doesnt ever treat you, dump her.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-01-16T01:04:11+00:00

Sex and companionship for commitment and resources. It is an equal trade. Men and women simply want different things so that’s why it looks different but the value the exchange is equal.

relish5k · 2024-01-15T22:59:41+00:00

Women wanting equal status before the law and a right to earn income without wage discrimination. =/ men and women are interchangeable and the same

RubyDiscus · 2024-01-16T05:38:51+00:00

I'd expect the men to pay for dates, unless we are in a relationship then I will start splitting or pay for some. It makes him less attractive if he doesn't pay for dates in initial dating phase.

apresonly · 2024-01-15T22:01:50+00:00

> So I’m genuinely asking for the women, you want equality & to be treated like normal human beings then why is the attitude currently in the dating sphere that men have to pay for you time.

because a 50/50 relationship needs to be 50/50 in all areas or else you are just catering to men but leaving all the unequal aspects of relationships that women have to deal with.

since i don't live in a fantasy world where men are willing to do that, i'm not concerned about men paying for dates.

MistyMaisel · 2024-01-16T04:27:38+00:00

It's a bit difficult to explain, but I'll put it as simply as I can.

You know how maybe in say the bedroom women don't want some weird equality business where half the sexy time they're dominant and then half the time he is? That in fact maybe in the bedroom she wants him to be quite dominant and submissive?

But then in say their couple life as like an economic pairing say, she wants equality, they both work, they both pay as best they can, and so forth?

In this case of sexy times, you wouldn't ask why women don't want equality right? Because you kind of recognize sexy times are different than economic pairing times or who cooks and cleans times or childcare times or such.

And probably you especially wouldn't because assuming you're compatible, you like that she's more submissive and no so into equality during sex and she's into you being dominant and not you know, asking to be pegged sometimes.

Ok, so assuming you understand that, the paying for dates things is similar to sexy times. It's kind of an...intimate courting game. It's a way of seeking compatibility. It's not an arena that most of us want equality to be ruling because equality would ruin both the fun and the compatibility seeking.

Like if I was going for equality on early dating, I'd get my hair trimmed, wouldn't shave, wouldn't wear make up, and I'd wear something generically ill fitting and blandly matched. I wouldn't be almost at all sexy or pretty or cute beyond whatever mother nature has given me and I'd probably be fucking that up with my clothing choices.

Does that sound fun to you or exciting? No. Part of the fun for a woman is getting dressed up and pretty beyond that of what the man is likely to accomplish. And it's fun for men too to feel the lady looks quite good for them. Paying is kind of part of the fun romantic courtship dance.

But I don't want that kind of generic, you should respect me and be an equal partner in a committed relationship to extend into dating because it ruins lots of the courtship and fun. Just like it would ruin sex for a lot of us.

AriesProductions · 2024-01-16T12:51:32+00:00

I expect whoever asked the other out on a date to pay, but am absolutely not offended if asked to split.

If I ask, I fully expect to pay. And I want to. But if someone insists on splitting, I’m not going to make it awkward by arguing about it.

AutoModerator · 2024-01-15T20:56:22+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Current dating attitudes.
Author	Mindless-Spare-2454
Upvotes	30
Comments	227
Date	January 15, 2024 8:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/197jop4/current_dating_attitudes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/current-dating-attitudes.1243052 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243052

Comments