It is very unlikely that couples today will last deep into their 70s and 80s

grillopie · 2023-11-06T18:13:09+00:00

I think this ironically means the divorce rates will be lower. People are splitting earlier, and staying single longer. When they settle, more thought was put in. Millenials already have lower divorce rates than the immediate prior generation. I bet this trend will continue into gen z.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-11-06T18:48:01+00:00

If you've ever volunteered at old folks homes or live in a area with lots of elderly you'd see plenty of old couples that still love each other. I used to do handy work for some wealthy old couples that were super in love since like 1953

toasterchild · 2023-11-06T19:06:08+00:00

About 20 years ago I got my first job at a retirement center working with old folks 60-98. They talked a LOT. I do not believe at all that people are less happy now than they were in the past. Divorce just wasn't a thing and if you were miserable you just low level suffered your entire life. If you got lucky your partner you didn't like would die first and you could live live it up with the other singles in the retirement communities.

Now at least you can leave a miserable marriage without too many negative consequences. Just because a relationship didn't last forever doesn't mean it was a total failure, failure is being stuck with someone you don't even like forever.

BlueMountainDace · 2023-11-06T21:00:02+00:00

I think it is the other way around. Back in the day there was enormous social pressure to get married and people either were pressured into it or did it because "it was the thing to do", the "next step."

I see that far less today. When I see the couples that are married, they spent a long time dating, living together, and aligning on their value and what the future looks like for them, before getting married.

What the future actually holds, we can't know, but my best guess is that marriages will be stronger and more fulfilling for those that choose to get married.

wtknight · 2023-11-06T19:21:06+00:00

Is this just doomy prophecies? Probably, but we cannot expect love to be the same as we are used to see it.

Was love ever like this? People often just stayed together out of social convention and a desire to not want to experience shame.

So basically, I'm challenging the "today" part of your assumption. In fact, I think that couples are more likely to stay in love with each other these days due to men and women more often being equals. On the other hand, in the old days, wives often quickly resented their husbands and felt powerless and unhappy with them. One can still see this kind of thing in cultures that continue to be strongly patriarchal.

SupposedlySapiens · 2023-11-06T19:45:28+00:00

Modern culture has convinced people that they deserve to “have it all,” all the time, no matter what. It’s utterly insane and unnatural, and has created the conditions for the vast majority of people in developed countries today to be nothing more than unrepentant narcissists. Me me me me me me me. That’s modern life in a nutshell.

Loyalty. Sacrifice. Commitment. Compromise. Those are the pillars on which long-lasting loving relationships are built, and those traits are in shockingly low supply these days, especially among Americans. No one wants to sacrifice or compromise anymore; it’s all about immediate self-gratification. No one values loyalty nor commitment anymore; most people have one foot perpetually out the door, always looking for something better, even 1% better.

Most people have spent their whole lives being told that they “deserve the best,” and it’s honestly hilarious to me. Who tf are you? You “deserve” the best? Why? You’re nothing. You’re a bipedal ape wandering around a big rock, and your existence will be entirely forgotten about in a few generations. But yeah, sure, special little you “deserves the best,” that’s a totally normal mindset to have, right?

The widespread narcissism of modern culture is just wild to me, and it’s the reason why male-female coupling has become such an absolute disaster these days. Both sides are fully convinced that they “deserve” nothing less than their “perfect” partner, and will blithely dump a partner who is 95% perfect without a second thought. Then they’ll actually have the audacity to go online and whine about, “where are all the good men/women??” They’re all around you. It’s just that they’re good, but you don’t want good, you want perfect.

Clementinequeen95 · 2023-11-06T17:31:13+00:00

Believe it or not many couples still marry the person they love and have wonderful happy lives. In fact, divorce rates have decreased in younger generations. I think people now have better chances of staying together longer as women have more choice, people tend to get married later now and people have more choice regarding kids or not.

MidoriEgg · 2023-11-06T18:08:36+00:00

I think we’ll be living in an apocalyptic landscape by the time gen z reaches that age anyway

lighthub · 2023-11-06T21:51:56+00:00

Forget 60s, 70s, 80s, most couples now, it will be a miracle if they end their 30s whilst still together.

People these days do not have patience and loyalty, they are always looking to monkey branch.

MailenJokerbell · 2023-11-06T22:13:54+00:00

As opposed to... The very conditional marriage for social/economic reasons of the past?

obviousredflag · 2023-11-06T18:05:44+00:00

I don't see a reason why this is bad. Why would you want to live to old age with someone who just tolerates you? Why not look for another partner that you love and that loves you? I see the situation that was the standard in previous generations as the doomy prophecy situation. What is your reason to be so opposed to only living with people in relationships where both people are in it for romantic reasons rather than tolerance and social pressue/existential needs?

DRW0813 · 2023-11-06T18:08:47+00:00

see any couple in their 70s and 80s. They barely like each other anymore.

A couple in their 80s now, who started dating when they turned 20, met each other in 1963.

Women couldn't open banking accounts until 1974 with the Equal Credit Opportunity act.

Many unhappy old couples married before the current modern age. Before women had the legal protections, and definitely before women were viewed as socially equal. They have been together so long they are dependent on each other despite not liking each other.

I bet if you looked at elderly couples who had a good power dynamic, you'd also find elderly couples who still love each other and haven't let 60 years of resentment build up into loathing

SianOiseau · 2023-11-06T17:44:25+00:00

Considering that both marriage and divorce rates go down, I'd assume that there will be less married couples, but the ones who do marry will have longer-lasting marriages.

I think if you take your time and marry a person who you are well compatible with, you have better chances for a fulfilling long-lasting marriage compared to couples who were rushed into marriage because they didn't really have much choice or were afraid to be the last in the stock.

azurix · 2023-11-06T20:37:35+00:00

People only tolerate their partner in the initial phases of dating as well since they don’t want to be alone. I feel like after being with someone for years that would be more normal. It doesn’t mean they’re not in love since showing love and affection is different for everyone. Also with age you can’t really be all over someone like when you’re younger, it’d probably be uncomfortable.

It is doomly prophecies. People will always be able to fall in love and people will also find ways to be miserable

MrBrittle · 2023-11-06T19:47:06+00:00

Love is definitely a strong reason to keep a couple together, in fact it is the strongest of all. If there is no tolerance, then there is also no love, as love brings several consequences, including tolerance (of what is tolerable), as well as the commitment to improve for the good of the other.

Willow-girl · 2023-11-07T01:28:14+00:00

See any couple in their 70s and 80s. They barely like each other anymore. They only tolerate each other.

I have known lots of older couples who were very devoted to each other. Knew a man who kept his wife (who had dementia) at home as long as he could, then followed her into the nursing home when the burden became too great to bear. They died within a few months of each other. RIP, Stan and Janet.

SaltySyndicate7 · 2023-11-07T05:02:06+00:00

Because monogamy is unnatural and only existed because it was beneficial for society.

KorinTowerFreeloader · 2023-11-07T11:25:52+00:00

This is a generation of AF/BB. The divorce rates in 10-15-20 years will be skyrocketing. If she won't cheat, he will. That, on top of the single and childless women by 2030 and 2040 respectively. The generation of our grandparents is the last normal one. Most of our parents are already fucked up, so I can't even inagine the generation of OLD and social media.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-11-07T17:15:52+00:00

I highly doubt we're see the long lasting relationships and marriages our grandparents knew. We live in a different world nowadays.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-11-06T17:53:30+00:00

so what

Cjaylyle · 2023-11-06T18:33:19+00:00

Until their 70’s?

A couple getting together, having a kid and lasting 10 years is an absolute miracle these days and SHOULD be considered successful.

Relationships that last decades are not a thing any more lol

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henrycatalina · 2023-11-06T22:00:44+00:00

I'm 69 and my wife 70. Mostly, we are together because of large extended families and many years of raising kids. We have had many good years. But, out of 46 years married, I'd say 10 were really good. Another 10, ok. But after that, I let my wife's tendency to be angry make me walk on eggshells. We get better and then it gets back to her being disrespectful and contemptuous.

When you hit difficult years, the past will be context for the present. If your wife ends sex and affection, then her wilder college years seem like those guys have sex for free , not you, her husband, You, the husband, get measured on every past issue. One can say the past is over and forgotten. What happened before you didn't count in your relationship. But that's not how relationships ignite your emotions when hurtful words are repeated.

I'm sure there are wives with opposite views.

The couples I know that make it work mostly show respect for each other. The wives aren't controlling, and the husbands are caring. One never hears much disrespectful comments. They have arguments, but they don't resort to cutting down their spouse.

MountainNine · 2023-11-06T22:14:53+00:00

I might be in a weird love bubble but every grandparent I personally know was very close, loving, caring and communicative with their partner until one or both died. Including my parents and friend's parents, who are aging into 70's-80's. They don't need to "tolerate" each other because they actively love each other.

One of my friend's parents are divorced but they're still very active in each other's lives and family community, cordial and kind.

I don't know where you're finding all of these dry, lifeless older couples OP.

Turbulent-Tonight975 · 2023-11-06T23:42:10+00:00

I think what might prove to happen that would go against your prediction is that the number of marriages today is in steep decline and maybe a high percentage of these people getting married are more in a position and mentality to make it work than in previous generations.

In previous generations you had almost everyone getting married because that is what people were supposed to do. Many people who didn't want to get married and were not suited for marriage got married because of pressure from family or society. Many marriages were 'shotgun marriages' where the couple got married to avoid the social stigma of having a child out of wedlock. It could be reasonably argued that a shotgun marriage was inherently less stable than a couple that decided to get married for other reasons than an unplanned pregnancy. Today the out of wedlock birth rate has skyrocketed because the shotgun marriage is far less common now.

Now in modern times when being single into your 30s isn't seen as something wrong with you or people questioning if you are gay, like previous decades, it seemingly leaves most of the people getting married as choosing to do so because they want it. While this will mean that the percent of people that are married is lower overall, it very well could mean that the percent of married couples that are stable might be higher than decades past.

AidsVictim · 2023-11-07T05:53:10+00:00

See any couple in their 70s and 80s. They barely like each other anymore. They only tolerate each other.

I see tons of older couples that seem happy or at least content together.

Today, such tolerance does not exist anymore... it is love or it is over.

A spouse used to be bound more closely like a family member - you don't necessarily love everything about your family but most people(?) still loved them or at least cared for them in one way or another. Now a spouse is more like a someone on permanent engagement - there's no real cemented bond just a more formalized form of dating.

Economy-Persimmon494 · 2023-11-07T07:46:31+00:00

Yea because love isn’t real.

Odd-Luck7658 · 2023-11-07T08:27:32+00:00

Lots of nonsense here. Most marriages go the duration. Divorce rates in US were recently at a 40 year low.

shonenhikada · 2023-11-07T11:10:53+00:00

Well of course. If you give a woman a phone app that gives her unlimited options+ unlimited attention from horny men then she is going to see her husband as nothing more than a utility. Her hubby is going to be only as "good" as what he has done for her recently.

This is why the vast majority of relationship breakup/divorces are done by women because there is always another guy lined up to take the other guy's place. Also women get bored once they think they've domesticated you. A lot of guys forget to keep women on their toes and put forth dread game to keep the relationship going which is also another reason it fails.

Lastly, the elephant in the room is also that there just isn't enough RICH Chads. Remember that for majority of women, they chase the richest and/or hottest guy in their youth for commitment and then fall back on lesser men when things don't work out (hence why single rates among men get cut in half when we go from under 30 to over 30). After spending so much time being a mini celebs, a lot of women are going to dread being stuck with avg joe who can't carry her to yatcht parties every week or who was not born with top 0.00001% genetics.

WaitingForTheFire · 2023-11-07T17:28:10+00:00

Do you have any idea how socially unacceptable it was to divorce, prior to the 1960s/1970s? People stayed in bad relationships because divorce was an equally bad option due to the social stigma. Nowadays, people are much less likely to feel like they are trapped in a bad marriage with no escape. The couples that are actually meant to be together into their 70s and 80s will still do so.

taco_smasher69 · 2023-11-07T18:24:29+00:00

I'm okay with this.

I was in a loveless/sexless marriage for 10 years. I wish I had the balls to end it after the first. But instead I tried to stick it out. Wasted 9 years of my life that I'll never get back. If we had kids, it would have been different, but my life is so much better now.

I'd rather stay single and never again know the touch of a woman than be stuck in that horrible, horrible marriage.

veloron2008 · 2023-11-07T20:34:01+00:00

If you think most couples in their 70s and 80s today are only tolerating each other, than you don't understand what real love is.

Heck, my wife and I are only in our early 50s but have been together 30 years. As fresh empty nesters, we're closer than ever. Especially romantically, which sounds like your only notion of what love is.

Go to any RV and observe all the happy older couples. I hope we continue to follow suit.

StupidSexySisyphus · 2023-11-07T20:53:44+00:00

You see boomers stay together with pretty major incompatibility issues. You see Gen Z and Millennial women split ass hairs over minor incompatibility issues. My ex quite literally stated that not having the same fandom of a singular artist is an incompatible dealbreaker for her. There's plenty of bands that I like and I don't expect anyone to share the same enthusiasm for them. That's a dealbreaker?!

It's fucking ridiculous. The worst offenders of this shit are women who are already incredibly superficial and materialistic on top of it. What's the fucking point when women like that exist? How is this real life? Fucking put me back in the Void. I'd rather go back then deal with unfathomably stupid nonsense like this again in the future.

It's all the visual superficiality of men (IE: she's unattractive/fat) PLUS this goddamn fucking ridiculous bullshit.

You don't share my exact matched enthusiasm for mint chocolate chip ice cream (or insert any ridiculous nonsense)? We need to terminate the relationship immediately/shouldn't date!

PM-me-imagesofcats · 2023-11-08T08:54:02+00:00

It’s unlikely in general and always has been

Pyroblasts · 2023-11-09T07:01:01+00:00

Negroddamus.

Title	It is very unlikely that couples today will last deep into their 70s and 80s
Author	Amiskon2
Upvotes	70
Comments	182
Date	November 6, 2023 5:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17p7ygf/it_is_very_unlikely_that_couples_today_will_last/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/it-is-very-unlikely-that-couples-today-will-last.1237454 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237454

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