Lower your standards- or stay single?

MyLastBestChance · 2025-07-29T02:10:29+00:00

I have been single (yes, and celibate) for about 5 years now. I may well be single forever, not because I’m “too picky” or “fickle” but because I’m content.

Why would I want to disrupt that? I don’t need protection or provision. I’m not isolated or lonely or sexually frustrated. If I feel like having an orgasm, it takes less than 5 minutes and is 100% guaranteed.

I have a step ladder for high shelves, the ability to use power tools and AAA. I also have a huge dog and my concealed carry permit with appropriate hardware and training.

I’ve been through sickness, injury, grief and loss, and poverty both partnered and single and guess what- single is easier…for me.

I don’t hate men. I know some amazing men. I love and have loved many men throughout my lifetime. I just don’t particularly want or need one underfoot.

Women don’t stay single after a year because they’re “fickle”, they stay single because after a year or more we realize that we are truly happier this way. We have faced struggles and found that we are far stronger than we believed we were. We are far more resourceful and resilient and capable than society ever imagined us to be.

Men aren’t the enemy. Men aren’t evil. Men aren’t bad or useless or unnecessary to society. They are, however, optional when it comes to individual romantic relationships.

Some women choose that option, some don’t. Some women choose that option over and over again, never realizing that it’s a choice in the first place. Some are happier coupled, some are not. I know plenty of women who truly need to be with a man to be content and there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s what they choose. I also know that many of us have found that we’re truly happier and more content without.

I think men would likely find more happiness by realizing the same applies to men’s relationships with or without women.

wtknight · 2025-07-29T02:56:27+00:00

If someone is happy being single, then they shouldn't lower their standards. I don't see the benefit of this.

Temporary-Flight-192 · 2025-07-29T02:08:53+00:00

Do you “lower your standards” ….maybe?

…..for someone who is emotionally immature ? oh hell no.

I like being coupled tbh. If I’m ever widowed, maybe I would have to look at someone slighter older than my preference, or less financially stable, or someone not into the hobbies that my husband and I share. But emotionally immature ? I’d rather be single than deal with that.

Alternative-Dream-61 · 2025-07-29T01:55:58+00:00

Emotional immaturity means drama. I'll take a peaceful, single life over a toxic, drama filled relationship any day. It took a year or two, but I found someone that fits what I was looking for and also wants me.

If I settled for subpar I wouldn't have found that.

AngeAware · 2025-07-29T02:27:58+00:00

I was single from 19-23 and even considered joining a convent. The guy I met at 23 is my everything. If I had been in some mad rush to start a new relationship before I met him there's a good chance we wouldn't have met.

harmonica2 · 2025-07-29T02:54:08+00:00

I couldn't say if I agree because I don't know what those people's motivations are that are single for over a year. However, I lowered my standards way back, and I am happy about doing so, it paid of well, many more dates and relationship experiences.

Substantial_Video560 · 2025-07-29T11:21:34+00:00

Stay single. I much prefer to keep my self respect.

myboobiezarequitebig · 2025-07-29T01:47:56+00:00

I would just find someone not emotionally immature. It’s not like that’s a super outlandish dating expectation. I absolutely would rather be single.

jamalzia · 2025-07-29T01:57:20+00:00

I've never heard the sentiment that a woman single for longer than a year will be single forever. Obviously there are reasons we need to look into as to why this is, and often times it could be a good thing for her to remain single.

I do think being a serial monogamous is more of a red flag than being single for an extended period of time. Having 20 failed relationships in the past 3 years is worse in my mind than being single for that same amount of time, just from a surface level analysis.

As for the "lower your standards" aspects, Idk why people repeat this line as it's pretty dumb. It's pretty obvious that lowering your standards arbitrarily just so you can date people is not a good idea. The actual meaning that is intended behind this statement is "correct your standards," meaning you have standards that are not unreasonable for whatever reason and are actually wisely developed.

So to take your example, yes you should have a standard in regards to your partner not being emotionally immature. However, that standard might be based on a misunderstanding of what that is, something stupid like you see him laughing at a poop joke and think that is "emotionally immature." or something. This is what an outside observer would say is you having a "too high standard" when you make an issue of this.

I think a lot of people, both men and women, have standards that are, let's say, unsophisticated, as opposed to them being "too high." This tends to be more of an issue for women for obvious reasons. We're talking about the average woman here too. Yes, there are people with standards just straight up too high, like expecting a millionaire or whatever, but most people are reasonable, it's just that they need to develop a higher resolution understanding in regards to the qualities they think will make for a good relationship.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-07-29T04:53:44+00:00

Either I FEEL it or not. I don't think about standards, just pure feelings. And even though I'm not happy alone I just can't without feelings.

Disastrous-Sound-694 · 2025-07-29T08:44:39+00:00

I am married but If i woke up single tomorrow id rather stay single than lower my standards. My standards are simple. Respect me, respect the people I love. The second you're begging someone for respect is the second you lose it for yourself.

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-07-29T01:49:54+00:00

It’s mostly men who primarily use online dating that say this. If you’re meeting men mostly through real life, then chances are your standards are a lot lower than what men experience from women on Tinder.

Edit: as an example, if I hit on a random woman at a club that’s not the hottest woman at the club, I might be at worst the 5th guy to hit on her that day, or maybe even the 1st.

On Tinder, I am one of her 100 messages. I’ll still get picked sometimes, but it’s simply easier for me to hit on the equivalent women in real life, because I sort of automatically get a 1:1 audience with them, and they typically trust me more in real life than a completely anonymous man on an app.

Edit2:

Also, more attractive women are probably also more likely to be meeting men in daily life than downloading an app. Apps are going to skew towards less attractive women as the main users.

Reddit is also kind of like this. I’m a significantly above average man compared to Redditors on text based subreddits (and only above average in the image based ones). In my social circles, being 5’10” would make me feel a bit short sometimes, because 6’1” buff hot men tend to go outside more.

ThatBitchA · 2025-07-29T04:08:57+00:00

I'd rather stay single than be with someone who is emotionally immature.

An emotionally immature person will ruin your life more than being single.

Logos1789 · 2025-07-29T03:02:33+00:00

I thought it was wrong to assert that people should lower their standards (ncls are assumed to be implicitly advocating for this when they complain about not attracting women).

aslfingerspell · 2025-07-29T15:28:52+00:00

Every time I've lowered my standards something bad has happened, so no.

FriendlyCapybara1234 · 2025-07-31T00:17:53+00:00

It’s not a matter of being happy single, but of being even less happpy if I settle for someone. It’s also not fair to them.

balhaegu · 2025-07-29T03:18:59+00:00

Do what you want

Juat dont blame others for your choices

KayRay1994 · 2025-07-29T02:18:52+00:00

I think unless your standards are delusional, there is no need to lower them.

Tbh I don’t think most people’s standards are delusional and generally, when two people click that’s really all that matters. Stuff like dating app data is kinda thrown out the window when talking about irl interactions. (And I say ‘people’ instead of ‘women’ because men should absolutely be functioning under this mindset as well)

Like this is my hot take: women swiping on 3-10% of men on dating apps is totally fine because for lots of women who use the apps (which are a minority of women compared to men anyway), the apps aren’t even a first, second or third option towards meeting someone, so given that alone keeping that open only to one’s most ideal option possible makes sense. Like I guarantee ya’ll for most people who have rigid preferences online, they’re far more flexible in person.

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ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-07-29T05:06:41+00:00

I think it would be better to be single especially if u are happy single, If u lower your standards and date someone emotionally immature its likely to be very emotionally draining and u would have been better off spend your time, effort, energy on yourself.

thinkB4WeSpeak · 2025-07-29T05:08:28+00:00

I mean technically how the economy is set up it strongly favors partners/couples. Other than that you don't have to lower the standards just widen the range you're looking for someone, could always try long distance and then combining together. Like most people in my small ass home town for sure settled whereas I know people who move to be with someone who are now in great relationships, with their standards because they opened their dating pool

harmonica2 · 2025-07-29T21:08:45+00:00

another thing about lowering your standards that is good is that you think most people would be attractive to someone who gives them the time of day vs. not.

shadowrangerfs · 2025-07-30T09:21:46+00:00

Those aren't the only options. You have the option of self improvement. Step up your game. If you are unable to attract the people that meet your standards, then learn what their standards are and work to meet them. If you're looking for your ideal partner, then become their ideal partner.
As for lowering standards, it depends on which standard. Are they WANTS or NEEDS?

You are better off single than dating a person who doesn't treat you with respect. You should lower standards when it comes to being treated with respect and dignity. When it comes to character, you should have high standards.

When it comes to superficial and material things, then maybe you should lower your standards.

Alternative_Cod2280 · 2025-07-30T10:24:38+00:00

Is it truly bad to stay single for more than a year?

I wish I had the luxury to ask myself such mondain questions.

Maybe try a decade and you will see.

Initial-Test-8052 · 2025-07-31T01:01:24+00:00

I was adamant about maintaining my high standards, as I believed it *wasnt better to endure something I didn’t want than to settle for being single.

My perspective changed through my attempts at serious dating.

For experiment purposes of not only verifying things I thought but perhaps checking myself if I was standing in my own way, I at one point did the opposite. So to me that means going from ppl who I thought I deserved in some way to basically those who showed me interest (in dating/relationship).

What concluded was, I ran into the same problem.

Attempts to lower my standards or what I may tolerate didn’t correlate with the other person wanting me.

They say if you keep attracting similar people, it might be something about you. I had reason to believe it wasn’t really me, it was very common to run into ppl who basically said one thing, meant another.

Way too common others attraction seemed to start and end at the physical (aka they wanted to fuck). Sure, could have lost the romantic element along the way; more inclined to think it was never there.

This would be communicated to me thru action, as well as they just said something that ti me, communicates they dnt really want u like that: “going with the flow” “not looking 4 anything serious” “looking to meet ppl and see where it goes”. The ones that try and invite u over at 11pm. Lol the asking for pics before knowing anything abt u. All of it.

I guess if I truly lowered standards, I would be doing sneaky links all the time tho! If my attempts would attract those w that intent, what’s the solution (that I can fix for myself) ? Be uglier? Lmao so then it leads me right back to upping the standards—but shocker, many date and they shouldn’t, cause u find the same things there.

So, where I currently am at is it doesn’t matter which I do, but I do choose to not expend energy for those who dnt really want me. Which is fine, but what’s not is potential feeling like u ‘can’t’ find someone.

Rich-Efficiency3394 · 2025-07-29T01:54:12+00:00

As a RP man, I don't expect anyone to lower their standards.

What I want is for people to have realistic views about what they offer and if what they offer is sufficient to warrant having the standards that they do.

Usually, the people who say that they have "high standards" don't have the outcomes that justify it because they aren't offering anything special.

J3ezyTheSnowman · 2025-07-29T03:16:20+00:00

Stay single.

Mission-Necessary111 · 2025-07-29T15:43:29+00:00

Stay single. Last time I lowered my standards I wasted a year of my life in a relationship with an abusive woman

Tylikcat · 2025-07-31T01:57:05+00:00

It seems like men are already mostly chasing after women who are more attractive than they are, even in environments where women are in the minority.

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0327477&utm_source=pr&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=plos006

SleepyPoemsin2020 · 2025-07-29T03:13:07+00:00

Do you “lower your standards” for someone who is emotionally immature ?

Why the fuck would you? You're happy single. Why trade a happy lifestyle with a worse one?

Is it truly bad to stay single for more than a year?

...bad? In what sense? There's no moral imperative to date. Nor is being single for longer than a year going to prevent you from finding a relationship in the future.

Or is it bad to be a serial monogamous- never taking time to get to know yourself, or why your relationships keep failing ?

Seems like a good way to keep making bad decisions.

Men may lower their standards, and expect women to do the same- do you agree with this?

They're welcome to, but cannot expect other people to.

Men say women who have been single for more than a year will be single forever because they’re too picky, and have been single for too long. They feel that these women will not tolerate anything or let things slide- Essentially saying the woman is fickle. . Do you agree with this? . .

I think a number of women find that they're quite content single, so it may in fact result in them being "pickier" about getting back into a relationship. Fickle isn't the right word. It's being informed as to what the alternative looks like.

GrouchNslouch777 · 2025-07-29T01:53:12+00:00

No one's standards have anything to do with emotional maturity so idk why we are larping on this.

How attractive they are + how willing they are to put up with you = all of your dating decisions.

RealScientist2215 · 2025-07-29T01:55:19+00:00

It’s more expensive for a man to have a girlfriend so the older you get I think the less like you wanna make that permanent. On the other hand, it’s less expensive for a woman to live if she’s a poor from then if she’s single for her, the motivation is tolive with a guy or two marry someone.

Cool-Mixture-4123 · 2025-07-29T02:45:14+00:00

I think there's a danger the way you say this. Some people are obviously emotionally stunted, otherwise is it possibly unfair to judge your version of emotional intelligence ( perfectionism is an avoidance tool)?

Neptune-Jnr · 2025-07-29T03:03:26+00:00

It depends on what standards we're talking about.

LimbBisquet · 2025-07-29T05:13:26+00:00

I guarantee you no one who is happy being single and is secure in themselves stays single for a very long time.

ImpossibleCandy794 · 2025-07-29T01:52:52+00:00

My standards are:

Weight less than 3 times my weight, só less than 180kg

Woman, with a vagina, born with it preferable but not mandatory

In a 20 km radius from where I live or study(and I study 10km from my hime btw)

In a 10 year bracket above or below me, but above 18. Im 24

What exactly can I lower? Im not American só there is barely any morbidly obese even if I gave them a chance, no idea how to become bi or stop thinking anal is disgusting to to chance the second, third is pretty much a logisitics problem, past that it become a distância relationship. For the age, fuck, I doubt anything will change until I go for cougars at 40, just strange to show up on the tinder of some of my moms younger friends

Title	Lower your standards- or stay single?
Author	EveningSuggestion283
Upvotes	17
Comments	83
Date	July 29, 2025 1:16 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1mby84s/lower_your_standards_or_stay_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/lower-your-standards-or-stay-single.1558372 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558372

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