Q4M : How would you react if you have doubts / find out you've been lied about being the biological father of your children?

fisherman11111 · 2018-12-24T15:26:15+00:00

I read some of the comments posted in that thread, and you can tell who the women are. A woman will never understand what it is like to raise a child thinking they are your own, then finding out everything you believed was a lie. I will never personally be put in that situation, but I feel terrible for the men who are.

IF it were to happen to me, I would either kill myself or move far away, leaving my old life behind.

Alth12 · 2018-12-24T17:52:47+00:00

If I knew for sure I'd leave her, never speak to her again except through lawyers, try to minimize any financial obligations I'd have and cut the kid or kids out of my life for my own mental health. Seeing them would bring back the betrayal and sticking around would just lead to bad times for me and them, as I'd likely resent them. It's not great, I know, but it'd be better all round long term in a situation in which there's no way the kids won't get screwed in some way.

lucky_beast · 2018-12-24T20:47:49+00:00

These threads are always a reminder of how fundamentally incapable women are of empathizing with men.

Which is funny given how much women whine about men's lack of empathy.

despisedlove2 · 2018-12-24T15:20:46+00:00

Since killing her would be illegal, in such a situation, the man should test the kids, and prepare for a divorce. He should get a great lawyer and protect as many of his assets as he can. If he still wants kids, use an egg donor and a surrogate.

Why do you think paternity testing is outlawed in many European countries?

Nyquil-Junkie · 2018-12-24T20:41:39+00:00

The fact that she exploded at his comment and threatened to divorce over it was a red flag stabbed right onto his forehead.

I'd have every one of my kids tested the next day. Nobody threatens a divorce over a comment in a conversation unless its a smoke screen to hide guilt or they have developed some kind of mental disorder.

I'd wager good money at least one those kids aint his.

Dubslav_von_Chekem · 2018-12-25T18:02:29+00:00

Kill the mother and the child, obviously. It's the only right thing to do.

Jebediah_Goodplow · 2018-12-24T15:31:29+00:00

I like the top answer given for his situation, and am for once impressed by the r/relationships_advice linked here. If the kid was old enough to recognize the situation, I would tell them the truth, that I'm not the real father. Then we'd go from there based on how they took it I guess.

If child was a baby, or toddler that wouldn't really remember, I'd probably just be gone.

crackrocksteady7 · 2018-12-24T16:31:51+00:00

If they're not mine, bye. Probably leave at night without saying a word

Deoxysxx · 2018-12-24T18:19:23+00:00

I'll say what a lot of men believe but won't say: I would likely murder my wife.

-Mavs · 2018-12-24T15:32:43+00:00

Scary times we live in.

It's crazy how women will side with the slut who opened her legs for another man and expects the non biological father to raise this kid.

GrumpyOldHistoricist · 2018-12-24T19:35:41+00:00

So the question here is how I’d react, not how fucked is this dude (extremely, that’s how fucked).

If I had well-founded doubts like this guy does, I’d demand a paternity test. And I wouldn’t budge. If that led to the wife threatening divorce, I’d call her bluff. And then use the divorce negotiations as an opportunity to compel testing. I’d have no regrets if they came back showing that I was actually the father. The wife’s behavior in the linked thread is already indicative of problems. Immediately employing the nuclear option (relationship dissolution) is always a bad sign. So is the fact that she has a friend who’s likely hoodwinking her husband. You can tell more about a person’s moral compass by what they tolerate in close associates than by what they espouse.

It could go two ways if it turned out I wasn’t the father. I’m relatively emotionally well-adjusted, but I can cut people out easier than most. Dead to me is fucking dead. If I erred on that side with the kids I’d do everything in my legal power to divest all responsibilities and obligations. Let the wife find the sperm donor and try getting child support and coparenting from him. If the kids complained I’d tell them that this is a parental issue, I’m not their parent, and that they should talk to their mother about it.

But it’s equally (and hopefully more) possible that after 14 and 9 years of parenting these kids I’d feel too bonded and invested to just leave them high and dry. If my feelings fell on that side, I’d still divorce their mother and do everything I legally could to sever all financial ties to her. I’d look into pursuing a fraud case against her as leverage in the divorce negotiations and hire a PI to look into other things she might have been hiding from me. As for the kids, I’d talk to a lawyer, an accountant, and a financial advisor about structuring a child support arrangement that looked more like a trust or some other instrument that benefitted the kids and was more difficult for mom to touch.

Popeman79 · 2018-12-24T15:19:58+00:00

At this point I love my kid too much to walk away from being a dad. But I would fuck the mother up in all ways imaginable.

toronto87 · 2018-12-24T15:12:47+00:00

I'm not raising children that aren't mine.

That being said I'm also not having children with anyone who won't agree to paternity testing of every kid.

whatyoucallaflip · 2018-12-24T16:36:35+00:00

Run, don't walk. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200

Workaholico · 2018-12-24T15:32:25+00:00

How would you react if you have doubts

Clear my doubts, with 23andme or other genetic testing.

find out you've been lied about being the biological father of your children?

Kick her and her children out. She did not try to be loyal, so I have no meaning continuing this relationship. I believed a woman's word. So I will face the consequences of my bad decisions. But I will not continue a relationship with a traitor.

BuzzLightGear321 · 2018-12-24T16:28:46+00:00

Wow there's a lot of cucks in that thread. Goes to show the type of relationship advice you get on Reddit outside of TRP.

As for me? Get them tested and go from there. Most likely divorce.

CamoWoobie10 · 2018-12-24T15:28:49+00:00

I would leave. Depending on how old I was I might consider murdering her.

diffdedbed · 2018-12-24T15:33:52+00:00

My kids are now my kids. They worship me at this point in life. To take that away would be monstrous.

My wife on the other hand would no longer be my wife. To cuckold is also monstrous. Sexual jealousy is in large part evolved to protect men from cuckolding. By being "over protective" what a man is really doing is protecting his genetic legacy. Its is a complete betrayal by the woman if she does this.

[deleted] · 2018-12-24T20:47:15+00:00

I would probably be distraught to be sure. I would probably do the same thing i did when i broke up with my last ex.

Sell the house full of memories, move to different town, ghost 👻

EminemLovesGrapes · 2018-12-24T21:18:59+00:00

It scares me to know what lengths I would be willing to go to make sure I come out on top in that situation.

IRunYourRiver · 2018-12-24T22:38:57+00:00

It's easy in this situation to look at the jam OP is in and conclude that the deck is stacked against men. But this isn't true. The deck is stacked against cuckolded beta men. Therefore, TRP exists as a response.

Redslif · 2018-12-25T06:37:23+00:00

Women seem to not understand just how important being the biological Father is to a man. Let's say there are two scenarios involving a 15 year old kid:

1) Wife cheated every single day for 15 years but i'm still the biological Dad.

2) Wife cheated by having a one night stand, remained loyal for the rest of the 15 years but i'm not the biological Dad.

I'd chose scenario 1 and it'd be an extremely easy choice.

That being said, how would i react?

I'd be getting a paternity test irrespective of the wife's opinion (Her opinion would hold zero weight at that point). If it turns out that i'm not the bilogical father, i'd most probably start planning to move to another country while trying to figure out how to retain any significant control over my assets. I might still show some love for the kids since it isn't their fault but it wouldn't be anywhere near the love i once held for them. The wife would be literally dead to me.

I'm a relatively unemotional and cold guy but that scenario would come pretty close to breaking me. More so if like in the OP, the guy is in his mid 40's.

Karakal456 · 2018-12-25T10:35:16+00:00

I hope that never happens to me...

If it did, I hope I would still love the children. The mother would be lest behind as soon as possible. I also hope I would be strong enough to not let me resentment, contempt and utter hate for the mother affect my relationship with the kids. Let’s hope I never have to find out.

That thread is a perfect example of “women are wonderful” and the utter lack of agency attributed to women.

There are (potentially) 3 victims here:

The children, denied access to their bio parent. Possible the victims of loosing the only father they ever knew.

The OP (father), well obviously.

The bio father, potentially denied access to his children.

I will have no problem getting in a relationship with a woman with children of her own, as I am aware beforehand and makes that decision.

If the women I met suddenly started claiming her kids were my children, we would find that claim ridiculous. But that is essentially what is happening in that thread.

The mother in other thread is not a victim and could easily have avoided the situation. If paternity is in any way, shape or form uncertain, let the man know. Then he can make an informed decision.

But noo! OP is victim blamed, “think of the children”!

Here is a thought: How about the mother think of the children? For some reason “it already happened, get over it” is a perfect excuse to shift blame away from a women, never from a man.

BasedGodot · 2018-12-24T15:44:45+00:00

Total scorched earth, if not a gruesome home invasion where I'm the only survivor with two bullets in my left shoulder

Such an act of war deserves no less

Deoxysxx · 2018-12-24T23:25:58+00:00

Seems obvious that he should get them tested and then go from there.

I'm not sure from his story though. Just look at the thread. His wife got angry but so do many other women about the exact same thing.

I'd get them tested then leave if they weren't mine. I've thought about this already and if they're not clearly 100% mine then I'll do that anyway because I can. I'd be prepared to leave over it .

LeJacquelope · 2018-12-25T00:30:36+00:00

Paternity test. Now.

SAC-Lawn_Gnome · 2018-12-24T15:22:49+00:00

You could easily test it without anyone finding out, assuming you don't live somewhere like France.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2018-12-24T15:57:27+00:00

I'd feel absolutely, atrociously exploited.

I say this as someone who is both bisexual and doesn't want kids myself. But think about it... I was told they were mine but I was lied to and my effort, resources etc. were used to benefit the children of someone else.

Its an obvious betrayal. A deep betrayal. From an evolutionary perspective she's basically saying she didn't want them to be my kids, just wanted me to pay for them. How could any man not take that as an insult? Or as evidence she doesn't really desire him sexually?

I'd feel used. I'd feel defrauded.

The kids aren't the perpetrator in this situation. The mother is. She would've essentially maintained a relationship with me on fraudulent premises.

Shadow_Of_ · 2018-12-24T15:20:06+00:00

Throw them out.

jax006 · 2018-12-24T15:51:30+00:00

If I have doubts? Do more investigating while keeping my cool. Maybe a sneaky paternity test or something.

If I know they arent mine? Get paternity test results to keep in my back pocket - leave the country probably for Central America or SE Asia, as off-grid as possible, and be a paragliding instructor.

aanarchist · 2018-12-24T16:48:05+00:00

Likely it won't get that far because I'm too discriminating. If she was that good of a liar well, I'll cry over the betrayal then get angry over my own foolish dumbass falling in love and not being able to piece the math together sooner, because the signs are always there and only reason not to see them was to be blinded by ass in the moment and then hoping for the best afterwards. I would have to leave, I'd have no other choice. Honestly I might try to sue custody for the kids they don't deserve trash for a mother and I would be their best hope to grow up and be better, I like kids anyway if they haven't been polluted by retard parents yet. It would put a lot of pressure on me to have biological kids though and find someone else I'd be however many years behind on the time table because someone stole from me. This is under the assumption I have the financial freedom and also the assumption that I had kids because I had financial freedom because I wouldn't do it the other way around I know I would grow resentful having to waste my life on a job I hated for 80 hours a week to feed kids and all that shit. The more you raise yourself up the more you can benefit the people you care about. The more you sacrifice yourself the less you can benefit the people you care about. To sacrifice is to hurt others not just yourself, though I guess I wouldn't want to be with a woman who says the same things because that's how she'd end up doing op situation is being so utterly self centered that she thinks she has the right to trick a man like this.

Ideally she has her kids taken away from her. I'm assuming she would hope you'd stay and clothe and feed her and usually she cares more about keeping the kids. If she's a piece of shit who would be bad to the kids then they're fucked regardless if you stay or go or pay alimony whatever. The best way to cure a cancer is to isolate it and starve it out or scalpel it out.

Thounumber1 · 2018-12-24T18:51:30+00:00

Even as a BP, I would be absolutely disgusted and I would leave the mother. I wouldn't necessarily leave the kids. I am childfree though so I don't really have to worry about this lol.

abaxeron · 2018-12-24T22:04:26+00:00

How would you guys react in such a situation?

In a situation where I have two almost adult children and didn't have paternity tests done when they were infants? - I'd probably be happy. Because it means I'm an idiot.

DaphneDK42 · 2018-12-25T02:19:27+00:00

Get them tested of course. Isn't that a no-brainer.

If I had been lied to, I expect would depend on the age of the child. But I'd surely do everything in my power to take revenge on the cheating mother.

WhatIsTheMeaningHere · 2018-12-25T02:30:06+00:00

Option 1: Find the biological father and drop the woman and the child off.

Option 2: Waste everyone involved.

darksoldierk · 2018-12-25T02:38:56+00:00

If I knew for sure, I'd turn off emotions, and disappear into a country that has no jurisdiction to where I am. Leave a note for the kids, telling them that I"m sorry and that I would have liked to continue to be a part of their lives, but I will not live a lie. Tell them that they aren't my kids, their mother has fraudulently forced me to be for too long, and I refuse to stick around to allow the court to force me to continue the lie.

As far as having doubts, I'd ask for a paternity test, damn the relationship. If she refuses, I'd insist. If she continues to refuse, I'd disappear one night and just go to one of those countries again. If she accepts and she holds it against me, I'd disappear. Only way it'll work out for both of us is if she accepts that I am allowed to request proof that I am the father without it being an attack on her.

DaphneDK42 · 2018-12-25T03:55:11+00:00

What's all the talk about suicide? Just move to another country if required to get out of child support. Get a new identity if needed. There are many places in the world where you can live off the radar or buy a new identity for $500.

Noononsense · 2019-01-06T23:59:17+00:00

For a women to do this to any man she is soulless. If it ever happened to me I’d have a new career. Her life as she knows it would change forever and I would see to it. Nothing violent to be clear. Lots of ways to create pain in someone’s life without being physical.

vicious_troll · 2018-12-24T19:43:07+00:00

I would probably hire an assassin to take her out quietly and then raise her kids (I, not the assassin) without her. But I only date single moms and sluts with whom I don't want to have children, so this's never gonna happen.

peterlongc · 2018-12-24T15:31:15+00:00

It may be possible to forgive sins of years long past. It certainly isn't the children's fault and hopefully nothing has to change in his emotional relationship towards them

Esk1mOz4mb1k · 2018-12-24T20:13:04+00:00

If that happened to me I would sell my soul to the devil and take the most horrific revenge one can ever imagine on her and her children.

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Ezaar · 2018-12-24T16:45:12+00:00

To much to think about. Therefore probably the beginning of the end.

If I even think there’s some bullshit in any form, that’s not good on my end if the relationship.

richpenney · 2018-12-24T16:55:12+00:00

I'd be angry about beinfied to, but I would still love the children.

TriadFamilyTimes · 2018-12-24T17:03:25+00:00

I really honestly do not know. Too many variables. I can't see it happening though. I have two kids and they both look like my little clones, boy and girl.

MisterJose · 2018-12-26T02:26:40+00:00

That would really suck, I'm not sure what I would do.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2018-12-24T16:01:18+00:00

The kids are not to blame. I would probably still strive to be the best parent for them, but I would sue the fuck out of her

Belugoid · 2018-12-24T19:56:30+00:00

I can scarcely imagine something more painful than finding out you were lied to about being the biological father of your children. That's why I can't really say with any certainty what I'd do in that situation. However, I hope that if I had spent any time raising these children I would still be there for them and would continue to be their dad. Because ultimately that's what counts. I raised them so I'm their dad, no matter what. I wouldn't want the hurt of their mother's betrayal to fall on their shoulders.

I don't know what I'd do to their mom tho. "There's never a reason to hit a woman" doesn't cover this kinda shit.

SimulatedEnvironment · 2018-12-25T08:50:41+00:00

Depends.

If the kids are good kids and love me then I’d still be their father.

If they’re shitty kids then I’d leave.

Either way, I’m not continuing the relationship with the wife/girlfriend and I’d happy fuck myself over to make sure she doesn’t get any benefits from me.

Before anyone criticizes me for saying I’d leave the shitty kids, we all know someone who’s a good parent but the kids are still shitty. If you don’t know anyone like that, it’s you and you have shitty kids despite you trying to be a good parent.

AlexCoventry · 2018-12-24T18:29:13+00:00

That is an invidious question.

Another question would be, does prioritizing biological reproduction still have any merit, given our recent understanding that it arose from cultural and biological selection for reproductive fitness?

Once you know the rules of the game which shaped you, you're not obliged to keep playing by those rules. To do so without a compelling extrinsic reason is atavistic.

KeyAssumption · 2018-12-25T10:01:01+00:00

ITT: Men only love "their" children until the mother is out of the picture.

Unconfidence · 2018-12-24T15:51:52+00:00

I'd be like, "Holy shit, when the fuck did I get kids?!"

Title	Q4M : How would you react if you have doubts / find out you've been lied about being the biological father of your children?
Author	Esk1mOz4mb1k
Upvotes	35
Comments	420
Date	December 24, 2018 3:06 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a95ohw/q4m_how_would_you_react_if_you_have_doubts_find/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-how-would-you-react-if-you-have-doubts-find.258382 https://theredarchive.com/post/258382

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