There is nothing wrong with a man wanting 50/50 in a relationship

egalitarian-flan · 2024-07-09T21:02:38+00:00

I'm not sure what we're supposed to debate you on? This is a perfectly normal preference, and one that the majority of my friends and coworkers have. My own relationship is a slightly different dynamic, as it's egalitarian-slightly female led, but even then my bf and I pay according to our ratio of income.

Wanting to be desired by ones partner is also a "goes without saying" aspect imo.

AcephalicDude · 2024-07-09T20:50:46+00:00

I agree, and that's how my wife and I operate our relationship. We make the same amount of money, we do the same amount of chores, we split our bills and spend equal amounts of money on gifts, etc.

I will say though, what makes this lifestyle really easy is not having kids. I think when kids enter the picture, things can get a little bit wonky just because of the natural tendency for mothers and fathers to fill specific roles. Not that it has to be that way, it's just a bit more difficult to even things out.

Nyanpireeee · 2024-07-10T03:44:58+00:00

I think it’s 100% fine to want 50/50, but the problem is a lot of people want 50/50 on finances and 0/100 on labor which is simply not a fair division. In the vast majority of middle class families I’ve met- wife and husband both contribute 50% of household funds but wife does 100% of childcare, cooking, and cleaning. That’s just not fair- in reality that’s 25/75 because household labor is still work. True 50/50 means 50/50 funds, 50/50 childcare, 50/50 cooking and 50/50 cleaning. And if that’s what a guy wants when he says 50/50 then that’s GREAT. I truly have nothing wrong with that. But I’ve met a lot of guys who want 50/50 on finances but don’t want to take any part in household labor. Which like I said- is basically 25/75. Also, 50/50 isn’t always equal either. Bring kids into the equation and the wife must take on the task of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and postpartum recovery. Imo, the husband must temporarily increase his contribution to the household for it to be truly fair. But it really shouldn’t need to be a fight. Both should put effort into making a fair dynamic because that’s what you do when you actually love someone. You step up to make their life easier.

Some women like to be courted in the dating stage because it takes a lot of effort and money to look feminine by todays standards. (Where natural is just not considered enough even if you’re blessed) But I don’t fully understand that argument unless you are pursuing a traditional marriage (where traditional dating would also be logical) because makeup and hair is a choice and not really a requirement. It’s certainly VERY expensive not going to lie, but again, it’s a choice, not a requirement. Unless the dude only cares about looks- in that case you probably shouldn’t date him. So overall I think 50/50 finances is better in the dating stage. As a woman, I also personally feel uncomfortable when a man or woman (bisexual) pays because I know that nothing in life is truly free and often the expectation is sex, and I’m not selling my virginity for a steak..😭Plus it just feels unfair to me, so I’d like to pay for my meal always. In serious relationships where other labor enters the equation- finances can be divided depending on how labor is divided- whether one person does household labor and one covers all finances, or 50/50 on labor and finances. Or whatever way the couple wants to divide it. Based on your post, it seems that you genuinely want fairly divided 50/50 labor and finances and I think that’s totally reasonable. And a green flag! That’s my ideal dynamic. People who get offended probably are making assumptions about what you expect in a partner- because like I said previously, it’s not uncommon for guys to want a housewife who also does 50% on finances which is not fair.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-07-09T22:23:21+00:00

50/50 can certainly work, but a lot of men don’t want to do 50/50 on chores, parenting, and obligations. So what may start as 50/50 becomes 40/60 when she moves in and 20/80 if they have kids. So I personally find it easier to have a guy who works more outside the home and just take care of the rest myself vs doing 50/50 and having to nag a guy to do his part and building up mutual resentment in the process. Of course not all men need to be nagged, and in those cases, 50/50 is fair.

literaryhogwartian · 2024-07-09T21:42:49+00:00

50/50 or rather proportional is fine in the beginning but once your committed and building a life together it needs to be 100/100

sublimemongrel · 2024-07-09T23:23:45+00:00

Nobody is truly 50/50 even if you try. But best case scenario you aim to make it as equitable as possible. Most? Women I think want this these days anyways besides tradcons so idk what you are worried about.

Dishonouronmycow2 · 2024-07-09T21:04:42+00:00

I do think most modern relationships are 50/50 or at least an equitable financial equivalent depending on who earns more/if kids are involved and one works part time. Find someone that wants what you do and go from there

izzzy12k · 2024-07-09T21:24:10+00:00

The problem is that there's a lot of entitlement going on between many, and equating what is 50/50 is also a thing where some people feel what they do in a relationship is highly valuable and what others do is not.

imagineDoll · 2024-07-10T00:15:14+00:00

yeah, there's nothing wrong with either preference, actually. find someone compatible.

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-07-10T00:27:55+00:00

Being desired as a guy is a very difficult thing to come by especially without having to constantly chase/win her over (even wile in the relationship) I hope you are able to find it.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-07-10T05:09:33+00:00

so if a relationship is not egalitarian or 50/50 you don't get anything back and it's pointless?

the idea is that both sides bring things to a traditional relationship, it's just that they're different things. it's fine to want a 50/50 relationship where you split finances, chores, planning dates etc. if that's what you want. it's also fine to want a more traditional dynamic or something in between (that's what i prefer for example). the problem nowadays is that some people (not saying you OP) want the perks of both a traditional and an egalitarian relationship while picking and choosing whatever benefits them. that's delusional and it happens on both sides.

MistyMaisel · 2024-07-09T23:37:05+00:00

I largely agree with you, like 95%.

But, I would somewhat throw a spanner in the works by saying the fact women go through pregnancy and experience childbirth and the after math means there's no such thing as 50/50. A man saying he wants 50/50 in this case would be saying he wants an unfair and unequal distribution in his favor.

Similarly, this is largely true in terms of risk of pregnancy, birth control, etc. This is almost exclusively a female burden...

Again, I largely agree with your sentiment, I just think there's a solid devil's advocacy that this is why men are often called upon to seemingly provide more when really they're fighting that uphill imbalance.

I also think, there's a chance masculinity is about creating and sharing excess. Still toying with that one.

Electrical_Novel1156 · 2024-07-09T21:34:15+00:00

This is normal? I still think the man should be paying for dates and such but if your girl isn't providing you what you want out of the relationship then it's not fair. I make far more than any of my GFs so I'm happy to pay for dates. She can't do that so she does things like make me nice meals so I don't have to cook for the day.

It's when you get woman who expect you to pay for everything and then act like that's a bare minimum is when you get the bitches that need to be given a dose of reality. It's why I always tell guys to not be fancy with the first couple dates. Take them for things like ice cream or a walk by the pier cheap stuff and see how they react. A girl who expects you wine and dine her at all times is just after your wallet. Might as well get a hooker at that point at least they're guaranteed to put out.

nikolala · 2024-07-09T21:17:34+00:00

Most likely there isn't, but personally I don't care for 50/50 rule as long as both in our relationship contribute. If partner sees one side doing less or nothing then there should be a conversation for it. But strictly 50/50 I don't think so. Relationship or marriage at the end should be enjoyable, pleasant, respectful, humble, kind, experience. Of course with ups and downs but conversation must be the factor for successful relationship or marriage.

Funstands4Funger · 2024-07-09T21:53:22+00:00

If you make a similar income then this makes sense. But if one side makes much more than the other and expects the lower income partner to pay half on overly expensive items and experiences. I don’t think that’s going to work out very well.

truth-informant · 2024-07-09T22:16:38+00:00

What is even this post?!

LiftSushiDallas · 2024-07-09T23:32:22+00:00

Absolutely nothing wrong with that preference. Just like there's nothing wrong with a woman who wants a man but doesn't need one and doesn't want to be submissive.

False-Purple3882 · 2024-07-09T22:52:37+00:00

50/50 Is a scam for women. The reality is what is actually 50/50 and what men conceptualize as being 50/50 are two radically different things. You can’t expect a woman to carry your kid and then ask for 50/50, that’s not an equal distribution of work. Especially when men still expect the kid to get their last name when they did none of the work. You can’t ask to split the finances and then expect her to do nearly all of the childcare and household chores, that isn’t 50/50.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-07-09T21:07:41+00:00

If that’s what you want, go for it! Sure it might thin out your dating options, but you probably wouldn’t match LTR anyways with them if it’s that meaningful to you.

Glarus30 · 2024-07-09T21:25:31+00:00

The problem is the vast majority of women don't want 50/50 relationship. They want to have their cake and eat it.

Women are far more mercantile and transactional and they reeeeeeally don't like marrying down.

In 55% of all marriages the man is the main/sole provider. In 29% both earn about the same. And in only 16% of marriages the woman is main/sole provider.

And do you want to know the divorce rates? The marriages where women who make more than their husband have almost 3x higher divorce rate per year compared to the opposite. So if your wife makes more than you - the current chance for divorce in a 10yo marriage is 84% vs 29% if you make more (if the current trend holds).

*** I don't have time to teach you statistical analysis, cohorts, cumulative percentage, remarrying within the cohorts, higher divorce rates for 2nd marriage and so on. So you can either accept those numbers or you can be wrong.***

Marriages by relative income: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/

Divorce rates: https://ifstudies.org/blog/husbands-with-much-higher-incomes-than-their-wives-have-a-lower-chance-of-divorce-#:~:text=For%20the%20more%20recent%20marriage,husband's%20income%20was%20more%20than

LevelCaterpillar1830 · 2024-07-09T20:48:18+00:00

Of course there isn't anything wrong with that.

The only thing to consider here is that you'd have to bring things of value to the table, in order for such a relationship with you to be desirable. If she's got another dude outside the door willing to be her mattress, and you're in no particular way more attractive than him, then he's going to become the more efficient option.

I also want to feel desired in a relationship

The first step to achieving this would be to be a desirable person to the respective woman. From there on, all things are possible.

You sound like a respectable individual, so it may be that you can fulfill this criteria for a decent number of women. Godspeed.

YveisGrey · 2024-07-10T00:02:47+00:00

You can’t give birth or nurse a baby. That’s why I don’t believe in 50/50 well for those couples having kids. When it comes to baby making the baby might be 50/50 but the reproductive labor is much more on the woman than the man, that is why men should support and provide for women they have or plan to have kids with.

GGMcThroway · 2024-07-09T23:18:05+00:00

50/50 finances is fine as long as everything else is 50/50.

The issue with men wanting 50/50 finances is because that's the only thing they want to go 50/50 on. They're only too happy to let wives continue doing near 100% of the chores.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2024-07-09T21:24:32+00:00

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r2k398 · 2024-07-09T22:12:40+00:00

My wife and I split all of our household bills 50/50 but we make around the same amount of money. We also split the household chores as close to 50/50 as possible.

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-07-09T23:33:55+00:00

It’s fine to want that! Many women, especially if they earn significantly less than you aren’t going to be happy with that setup.

Most women aren’t attracted to most men! Most women wouldn’t be attracted to a male version of themselves. They WANT Chad & Tyrone! But when Chad & Tyrone won’t commit because of all their options they then need to look for a dutiful beta that will provision, protect and provide.

If you hold to your hard stance, you’ll either stay single or likely have to date down in terms of attractiveness as men on average make more money than women (due to working longer hours, more dangerous jobs, taking less time out of the workforce etc) and women will only want you if you can improve their life (unless you’re Chad/Tyrone).

The upside for men if they provide more than 50:50 is that they can date a women better looking than themselves or that woman will do more of the childcare/housework etc

emorizoti · 2024-07-10T03:50:02+00:00

Yes totally normal to want that. Now the next time you start dating someone and you are in the phase where ypu put boundaries or make your intentions clear, you should tell them exactly what you wrote in here. What you want and need in a partner. If you say that on the first date it will be a mood killer, so swallow up your ideas and pay for her drinks. Then have the talk. If you don't communicate that you'll never get that 50/50.

Gloomy_Tumbleweed · 2024-07-10T05:45:35+00:00

I’ve found that the 50/50-sentiment wanes in acceptance as you move up the hierarchy of female attractiveness - the less you care for looks, the easier a 50/50 relationship will be to find

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-07-10T10:17:32+00:00

I personally think that 50/50 is quite harmful and people should look at things more openly. If one makes more money they pay for more things, if one has more free time they do more chores, etc.

If you follow this then things will most definitely not be distributed equally but it will be fairly. And that is personally what you should want.

Otherwise-Archer9497 · 2024-07-10T11:56:10+00:00

I will never understand why the matter of sewing gets raised when it comes to modern wife skills.

Downtown_Cat_1173 · 2024-07-10T12:45:11+00:00

I’m more a fan of the 100/100 model, myself. Each person contributes as much as they can in every way. This might not mean equal in each area, but it becomes equal overall.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-07-10T13:47:09+00:00

I can cook, clean, sew, etc. I don’t need a woman to do that for me, I can do it myself.

Most men can do them, the problem is if most men are willing to do them.

If you're actually willing to do the 50/50, then that's fine. But the same men who complain about being expected to put more money in are usually the men putting in much less labour, especially when kids are involved.

JustMoreSadGirlShit · 2024-07-10T13:57:32+00:00

As long as he doesn’t want kids, I agree. Bc it can never truly be 50/50 if one partner is gestating and birthing and nursing a baby.

SeaworthinessSea2407 · 2024-07-10T20:55:37+00:00

I literally cannot develop interest in a woman if I am chasing. Its actually a turn off if its not reciprocal right off the bat

slim_thuggin101 · 2024-07-12T15:48:26+00:00

As a man who has the means to take care of a women I will not respect you as a women if you don’t go 50/50. Dependency gives me the ick. I’m looking for a partner not a daughter that I will claim on my taxes

AnonishCath · 2024-07-09T23:53:24+00:00

You’re certainly free to have that preference. I don’t want a husband who treats me like a roommate. Out of curiosity, how do you (and other men who want it) expect 50/50 to work out practically? Does that mean taking kids off the table? Doing something else to compensate for the woman’s childbirth ability that you don’t have? Will you split bills 50/50, or adjust it by percentages if one of you makes significantly more?

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-07-09T23:40:48+00:00

I guess it’s what you mean by 50/50.

I know guys who are amazing husbands and fathers, likely are pulling 70/30 in terms of overall weight, and their wives are still up their ass (see: they married these women later and they were definitely seen as a shot clock buzzer beater).

Then again, for me, my wife’s idea of 50/50 is skewed because she knows so many marriages where the guys literally do jack shit. Having lived by myself for some years, I can take care of myself and my own shit just fine.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-07-09T21:32:02+00:00

You just described everyone in my family and social spheres, and most people in my work sphere, too.

You may be suffering the idea that conservative/trad values are the norm because so many people here belong to religious sects, but it's not universal and definitely not the norm for people in professional fields.

Several-Bridge2138 · 2024-07-09T22:48:19+00:00

I feel the same way as a woman. I can easily pay bills and don’t need a man doing that for me. I also don’t want to do any more cooking and cleaning than I have to

Fresh_Truth_8569 · 2024-07-10T00:22:04+00:00

I’m sorry bro, your post just stinks of male feminist. I want to say I care about you no matter what you believe, but these people don’t.

If you look at the stats about 75% of women don’t want to date a man that makes less than they do. The other 25% want super hot guys. That said, you CAN get women to give up that income requirement, but you can’t be a weak feminist type man. You have to be the masculine kind of guy that will disagree with her and stick to your guns.

Be strong! Best of luck to you.

wideHippedWeightLift · 2024-07-10T04:36:45+00:00

As long as you accept 50/50 everywhere and don't suddenly feel a great urge for tradition when the woman wants you to do half the chores.

Salt_Alternative_86 · 2024-07-09T21:35:47+00:00

There's no such thing as a 50/50 relationship. What actually happens is one person does everything and the other person acts like they deserve equal credit for doing less.

Fabulous_HonestTea · 2024-07-09T21:33:29+00:00

I also want to feel desired in a relationship and if it’s not 50/50 then it feels like I’m just trying to chase and convince her/win her over while she doesn’t offer me anything back

You, as the male, are instantly replaceable and therefore expendable. This is rarely true in the reverse. Therefore, the onus is on you to give her what she wants and that’s material, not emotional or sexual because that’s not why women enter into relationships with men since most men are hideous in the eyes of most women.

(Unless Chad, then the entire dynamic is reversed)

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-07-09T23:55:23+00:00

Most guys just want someone who is pleasant, peaceful and pretty. Being a working woman usually means she wont be any of these cause she will be those to her boss, not you. It is me who questions, why would you want to live with someone who is always screaming and being a burden around you?

Title	There is nothing wrong with a man wanting 50/50 in a relationship
Author	Cheetahfan123
Upvotes	75
Comments	209
Date	July 9, 2024 8:37 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dzcufj/there_is_nothing_wrong_with_a_man_wanting_5050_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/there-is-nothing-wrong-with-a-man-wanting-5050-in.1523764 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523764

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