Virgins are preferable for long-term relationships and marriage

Aclopolipse · 2021-12-07T01:48:35+00:00

The marital stability stuff is a perfect display of correlation doesn't equal causation. Someone who's going to stay a virgin till marriage likely is very traditional - probably religious - and therefore places a high premium on marrying for life and sticking out a marriage no matter what. That attitude would also provide a motivated reason to claim higher marital happiness on a self reported survey.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-12-07T04:34:58+00:00

Your ice cream analogy just reads like you need your partner to remain ignorant so they don't know they could do better. Eating only vanilla ice cream doesn't mean I'm going to like it very much. I just accept that it's my only option. But if I try a dozen flavors, I pick my favorite and keep buying it.

Willow-girl · 2021-12-07T02:33:24+00:00

28-32 is statistically the best age to get married, as those ages have the least likelihood for divorce. Do 28-32 year olds sound like they're virgins?

PronKing10 · 2021-12-07T05:32:40+00:00

Can’t the ice cream analogy go the other way? Someone never had ice cream but tried strawberry and liked it. But you don’t think they’d get curious what other flavors tasted like? 5, 10 20 years down the road? Still only ever tried strawberry. It almost seems like it’d be better to have someone whose tried a variety of ice creams so they know what they liked and if you were strawberry and that was their favorite, that seems like it’d be pretty successful. Opposed to the person who’s only ever tried just one flavor when there’s dozens out there

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-12-07T05:44:15+00:00

Hahahahah, the fucking IFStudies again? Totally not some wacko conservative, religious think tank with an agenda? Totally not!

figuringMylife · 2021-12-07T05:10:23+00:00

i love tasting all kinds of ice cream but religiously i buy one flavor lol. i think most humans are like this. i don’t think you truly want anyone to change your view. i honestly think preferring a virgin is fine if you are one. as long as you have similar values it’s okay.

since i won’t change your mind i’ll say most men can prefer whatever they want - what’s the point of trying to convince someone of what they should prefer?

but the likelihood of dating a virgin as you get older in America, especially since most men are in pretty mediocre places even in their 30s/40s with the median income being so low - the market is very competitive. i’d argue virgins can play up their worth immensely and as long as they’re not unattractive should be able to get top men.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-12-07T02:26:57+00:00

I know 3 Different couples that waited until they were married to have sex , two couples ended up divorcing within the first 2 years because they were sexually incompatible, and the one other couple are still married to this day. Being fulfilled physically is a very important thing in a relationship and since women are not stuck in a relationship because of financial reasons I think it's more important nowadays than it's ever been to be fulfilled . One of the core aspects of a good relationship.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-12-07T01:50:26+00:00

These are all true in theory. But in a world where you don't get married at 18, and where sex is available easily, what type of woman tends to stay a virgin until marrying age? Low libido? Really unattractive? Hates men? Mental issues?

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-12-07T01:43:45+00:00

Yes, but I’m not buying the ice cream analogy. I would guess it’s actually more the type of person who wants to have one lifetime partner is the same type who sees marriage as very important and wants to do everything they can to make their marriage work and not divorce. After all, if you wait for the person you’re going to marry, you don’t want everything you’ve hoped and waited for to fall apart and be left with no choice but to find someone else. In short, they prioritize marriage.

So yes, you absolutely do have better odds of your marriage working if you find someone who wants one partner for life. But not really because they’ve “tasted” other partners and now want to cheat for variety, but because they are monogamous by nature and/or religious/moral values.

goatismycopilot · 2021-12-07T03:33:09+00:00

Great marry a virgin nobody is stopping you.

CosmicBioHazard · 2021-12-07T02:12:29+00:00

A relevant analogy can be drawn with different ice cream flavors. If you have only been exposed to one flavor, that flavor will satisfy you whenever you have a craving for ice cream. If you've been exposed to multiple flavors (vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, etc.), you will develop a diversity of cravings - one flavor is unlikely to perpetually satisfy your desire. It's not to say that one flavor tastes better - it’s about the cravings for variety that will arise from being exposed to other flavors

I don’t think that’s the way to conceptualize it. sex provides the highest reward in terms of hormonal bonding of any sort of intimate interaction; do it with one person they’re the de facto love of your life. Do it with multiple, the first gets special status for giving you the experience completely unadulterated by knowing what to expect, the rest don’t really have any way to top that by having a monopoly on some more intimate thing that they can do with you.

What you’re left with is a situation where you’re desensitized to just being able to go ‘my one and only sex partner, I’m therefore in love’, so the bar gets raised by some disproportionate amount; being better than your last partner in every way isn’t in itself enough.

quiturbitchn · 2021-12-07T02:43:23+00:00

How are we still using this bs source that’s absolutely not rigorous in methodology nor peer reviewed

Virtual-Jackfruit243 · 2021-12-07T05:35:23+00:00

They probably are but if men want virgins they have to stop having casual sex.

BrundleKitten · 2021-12-07T03:37:46+00:00

If you want a woman with low n count then that’s a fine choice to make. You don’t even need to be able to articulate a reason. As long as it makes sense to you. No need to bring ice cream into it.

Dapper_Art_8269 · 2021-12-07T07:30:07+00:00

I had sex with only one man and the analogy with ice cream doesn't work.

If I never finally orgasmed I would know that something is wrong and that it might be my man's fault. I would not be satisfied untill I orgasmed. I knew from the internet and other friends that sex can be amazing for women. And that's what I expected, nothing less.

I went to christian school. Many girls married as virginis. Most of them are divorced now, often because of sex.

relish5k · 2021-12-07T15:33:16+00:00

Only in so much as they are a proxy for religiosity. Religious people are not or are at least less sexual promiscuous, and embrace marriage. It has nothing to do with pair-bonding, everything to do with God-bonding. The data you cite supports as much.

girlindolor · 2021-12-07T04:21:38+00:00

I agree with all of this as a virgin woman, but it goes for both genders. I'll only marry a virgin man for these reasons, if i will marry at all.

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goatismycopilot · 2021-12-07T10:35:23+00:00

I live in the south where there are still women who marry as virgins. Red states tend to have higher divorce rates than the blue ones.

Kaisha001 · 2021-12-07T11:50:45+00:00

Sorry but ifstudies is hardly an unbiased source. It has as much credibility as those silly feminist opinion pieces masquerading as actual science.

The data shows that short of being a complete slut, it makes little difference.

KaroBean · 2021-12-07T03:15:14+00:00

My partner’s sexual past is none of my business. Nor mine theirs. Unless it resulted in a child or incurable disease, what do I need to know? I think it’s fine to discuss your past a little. Like, I lost my virginity at this age, to share a trauma (so the person can treat you with care) or maybe even something like, my ex didn’t like lingerie or something really simple and noninvasive. But I don’t need numbers or stats.

I don’t know how many people my husband has been with and he doesn’t know mine. We both clearly have a past. We were friends when we were still with our exes and I had children with my ex that he is now a wonderful stepfather to.

The person you love is that person because of their experiences and life they’ve had- including sexual experiences and relationships.

IcarusKiki · 2021-12-07T04:42:58+00:00

the problem with virgins is that they arent magically going to have a libido when you put a ring on her. Also those marriage studies dont control for religious beliefs that ban divorce.

kittenated · 2021-12-07T09:42:50+00:00

"I love you because I don't know any better"

vs

"I've known many women/men, and I pick you above the rest"

Which one sounds better?

Additionally, you are unlikely to remain sexually satisfied in the long-run if you've been exposed to multiple bodies. You will begin to think about and crave the sexual encounters from your past.

Purely anecdotal but I do see posts on the relationship subs from men who were virgins before their first serious relationship and down the line end up feeling like they're missing out on other sexual experiences. It's pretty common, I think, actually, for people with no sexual experience prior to a very serious relationship, to eventually feel like they missed out on a lot of experience when they were younger, and come to feel some regret.

LackOf_Empathy · 2021-12-07T01:45:04+00:00

Personally, I don't do virgins, but yea generally speaking women with fewer past partners are more suitable for marriage.

NewWayNow · 2021-12-07T05:18:35+00:00

And unicorns are preferable for racing. But good luck finding any,

Chaos_and_Horny · 2021-12-07T01:42:47+00:00

Virgins are not preferable for relationships. If they were then why are they virgins? Sex quantity doesn't define a person

ToughAnswers · 2021-12-07T02:28:27+00:00

Which in current year means not committing 🤷‍♂️

Also username checks out

seste · 2021-12-07T06:15:55+00:00

Isn't IFS a think tank? Have those studies been peer reviewed?

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-12-07T01:40:44+00:00

Well I'm not looking for one but for those that want one I wish you luck lol

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-12-07T06:00:58+00:00

If you have only been exposed to one flavor, that flavor will satisfy you whenever you have a craving for ice cream.

You might find the flavour shite and just stop eating ice cream altogether (even if you might crave it, but the flavour is not worth it)

throwconfessions56 · 2021-12-07T06:21:27+00:00

There are lots of stories about people wanting to explore more after being with one person. I'm a virgin, but there is one guy I know I'd have sex with if I ever met him again. Hopefully, I'll be in a relationship, and will stay loyal, but I already have someone else I'm curious about.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-12-07T12:08:33+00:00

If I'm the ice cream I'd rather a woman have sampled many ice creams and actively chosen me (I like to think I'm chocolate chip cookie dough or maybe Turtle ice cream... or blue bell xD) than take a taste of me as the first time they eat ice cream and maybe not like me as a flavor

wtknight · 2021-12-07T15:02:26+00:00

If you've been exposed to multiple flavors (vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, etc.), you will develop a diversity of cravings - one flavor is unlikely to perpetually satisfy your desire. It's not to say that one flavor tastes better - it’s about the cravings for variety that will arise from being exposed to other flavors

Or one could decide that all of the previous flavors kind of sucked compared to the flavor that one has just discovered. I think some women with partner histories see things in this way. I mean, I had partners before my current partner but they were inferior to my current partner, so the fact that I had previous partners doesn’t make me automatically desire new ones.

Cauligoblin · 2021-12-07T15:05:38+00:00

There’s also the stories from many people who chose to remain virgins until marriage because their religion deeply shamed sexual actions and behaviors, and then when they did marry they found it very difficult to start having sex because they couldn’t get over the deep seated feeling that sex is sinful

relish5k · 2021-12-07T15:38:27+00:00

> Women older than 33 are even less likely to divorce than women in that age range.

How does that negate the point? You are talking about two different things - age of marriage, and age of divorce.

IkeaMonkeyCoat · 2021-12-07T18:07:33+00:00

A relevant analogy can be drawn with different ice cream flavors. If you have only been exposed to one flavor, that flavor will satisfy you whenever you have a craving for ice cream. If you've been exposed to multiple flavors (vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, etc.), you will develop a diversity of cravings - one flavor is unlikely to perpetually satisfy your desire. It's not to say that one flavor tastes better - it’s about the cravings for variety that will arise from being exposed to other flavors

Are you 12 years old?

M_LaSalle · 2021-12-07T20:50:50+00:00

If you have never been exposed to ice cream, you might be lactose intolerant. I'd like to know that the person has at least some interest in and desire for sex, since I'd like to have it every now and then.

ApollosArrow11 · 2021-12-08T06:16:35+00:00

I think being with someone who's never had sex before you is a big risk. From what I've seen from my female friends, they start fantasizing about other men. I've had more than one tell me they dream about it... so I expect them to do this once they hit 40-ish. Their marriages are temporary.

I wanted to be a virgin until marriage but met my ex, and it wasn't realistic. I wanted to know if we were compatible on that front as I'm a horny woman and we almost got engaged and married. So while I've done it with one person, I see that as better than being a virgin (and if I wasn't highly intuitive in bed, I imagine I'd need 3-4 partners to figure it out). It means I know what works and what doesn't work. A lot of virginal women have no idea what good sex is like and/or will want to explore later in life. Obviously, depends on your age too. It's unrealistic to expect a virgin if you're above the age of 22-23, and this is coming from someone who really wanted that from a partner.

rufinishedrudone · 2021-12-09T05:11:46+00:00

I wish more men felt this way.

DisfiguredRuined · 2022-01-04T06:34:27+00:00

Goes mostly to men. Men with high N count are unmarriable.

Kitchen_Apartment · 2021-12-07T12:52:08+00:00

Staying in a relationship because you don’t know any better doesn’t sound very ideal. You don’t need to sleep with the whole world, but an informed choice doesn’t hurt anybody.

There’s no scientific backing on the pair bonding piece - we have multiple friends and relationships over our life. I’m currently in one and anecdotally I’d argue that it’s filled with first times TOGETHER that bond us, regardless of what we’ve done before.

Title	Virgins are preferable for long-term relationships and marriage
Author	mathisfun100
Upvotes	16
Comments	176
Date	December 7, 2021 1:31 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rana84/virgins_are_preferable_for_longterm_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/virgins-are-preferable-for-long-term-relationships.1088247 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088247

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