What even is the "friendzone"?

OhDestinyAltMine · 2022-08-04T18:07:46+00:00

Sometimes it’s “ugh if i never saw this guy again that’d be great but we share enough friends i need to let him down easy.”

Other times it’s “guy is too chickenshit to push things into genuine romance and girl is okay with the situation.”

Other times it’s “guy is nice for attention and the warmth of companionship but this does nothing for me sexually.”

All of them get called the friendzone bc the guy isn’t getting laid and wants to be. Men stay there for a variety of reasons equally. It’s not that it doesn’t exist or is solely an online angry guy thing. It’s just too vague an umbrella to diagnose without more context.

sarkington · 2022-08-04T18:31:13+00:00

Unrequited love

A term too boring and sappy for edgy youth, apparently

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-08-04T18:59:49+00:00

You have a crush. They have a friend. You are the friend. They are the crush.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-08-04T18:28:52+00:00

allow the man who coined the phrase to explain it

EulenWatcher · 2022-08-04T18:14:49+00:00

I believe there are two types of friendzone. Unintentional friendzone, when one has no idea that the other is romantically interested and they see them purely as a friend and intentional friendzone, where one knows about the feelings of the other and uses them for their own benefit maybe giving them some crumbs of attention and hinting on a possibility they could date/fuck one day.

In a lot of cases a person who gets friendzoned doesn't give clear indications of romantic interests nor tries to initiates, so the other person doesn't really know or have only slight suspicion about their true intentions.

Barneysparky · 2022-08-04T20:04:54+00:00

What's important to know about the friend zone is 90% of the time the other party has no idea they are zoning anyone.

JapchaeNoddle · 2022-08-04T20:05:48+00:00

You can get out of it, but don’t put the effort to try,just find a different girl.

TheWhispersOfSpiders · 2022-08-04T19:33:00+00:00

It's just a friendship.

Sometimes, it's good, sometimes, it's meh. Sometimes, it'll tear your soul apart. Sometimes, it's like meeting your soul mate.

Anyways, it kicks ass if you're both doing it right.

If one of you is pretending to be a friend, in order to get laid? You deserve your failure. Fuck off and stop crying about it.

If you tell your friend you're attracted to them, and that friend just keeps you guessing about how they feel for years, because you're too useful? THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND.

They're a parasite. You don't owe them a damn thing.

It may hurt to break things off, but so do a lot of amputations. Don't let them poison you. Nobody deserves this.

Anyways, it'd be nice if people would stop shitting all over friendship, just because they can't get laid through poor communication.

2022-08-04T23:53:55+00:00

To me it's just when a friend rejects you because they are not attractive .

People seem to make it out to be they reject you because they see you as a friend which I don't think it's true

The only reason why I didn't ask out my friends is because I don't find them physically attractive or compatible. They were like friends of convince. People assume friends of convince are same a true friends which is wack. And the only reason why I don't ask out my close friends is because I am not gay.

UnkutThaLyrikal · 2022-08-04T23:20:32+00:00

The recovery is cutting off your attention from the woman who friendzoned you. Friendzoning is a discrete form of cuckoldry/femdom that toxic modern (feminist) women do and shouldn't be tolerated. In the old days it was acknowledged that platonic friendships between men and women are unnatural so there was no friendzone, she either liked you or turned you down.

63daddy · 2022-08-04T18:28:38+00:00

It’s when a woman decides to see you as a friend only. Being a friend essentially means you have rapport with someone. Love and infatuation is essentially rapport plus romantic/sexual attraction. So, if a guy doesn’t do anything to build sexual or romantic attraction, he ends up in the friend zone. He has rapport only.

Hoopy223 · 2022-08-04T18:47:53+00:00

Its a toxic “friendship”. Girls (sometimes guys) taking advantage of people who are lonely, have poor boundaries, low self esteem etc.

toasterchild · 2022-08-04T18:51:50+00:00

For me it's a real thing, when we meet you will likely get catagoried in my brain as potential sexual interest or not rather quickly. You could be really hot but if the flirtation isn't started rather early on my brain will just lump you into a friend catagory. I can't think of anyone in my life who's come out of that for me. If sexual relationships are something you're interested in learn how to flirt.

LowCreddit · 2022-08-04T19:52:43+00:00

I have never seen anyone move from the friendzone to the loverzone without years of absence. It has a bad reputation because a lot of men experience early on in life when they still think that women want caring men. The difference between a friend and lover is of course attraction. That's definitional. Never try to move out of the friendzone. You are better off fucking her friends.

AelfredRex · 2022-08-04T20:30:21+00:00

It lies between the Neutral Zone and the Red Zone. Take a left of the Forbidden Zone and then a right at the Twilight Zone. When you come across a place full of guys wandering about in tears, whining that she only dates jerks, and that NiceGuys always finish last while making devils shiver for some obscure reason, you're there.

TonytheNetworker · 2022-08-04T22:22:44+00:00

"Can a man really put himself in the friendzone with no way for recovery?"

I think there is recovery but it's slim. One instance is when a girl I dated briefly stated she did not want to continue seeing me. I was hurt but I moved on after 2 days. A year later she was interested. I had lost 34 pounds, grown my hair out, and had a better-paying job. Those changes made me more desirable and we hooked up.

"Why is the friendzone something that has such a bad reputation?"

Because usually (mostly guys) want to have a sexual relationship with the women and having those feelings ignored or dismissed stings like hell. A platonic relationship with a woman can be easily had but having a sexual one is significantly harder. This is why guys will often cut a girl off if she doesn't reciprocate because the rejection hurts too bad. OTOH You can also argue that he never really saw her as a friend.

jymssg · 2022-08-04T23:26:51+00:00

friendzone->loverzone just straight up ask her out, if she says no then just move on and don't waste your time.

JSears90210 · 2022-08-05T00:22:19+00:00

When most people complain about the Friendzone they are complaining about a pseudo relationship they are having with someone that has no physical component but an emotional. They are fulfilling some emotional need the other person has and most likely giving positive attention.

I think many people have friends of the opposite sex. Even those they find attractive. But they don't have an emotional component to it. And they do not feel used.

kinhk · 2022-08-05T14:18:12+00:00

Being in the friendzone is like you applying for a job and getting turned down but then they offer you the chance to volunteer at the business for free.

CosmicBioHazard · 2022-08-04T21:38:39+00:00

Commonly, you’ll just be looking at a guy trying to pursue a girl who isn’t attracted to him and thinking that a relationship can be built from the ground up as the theoretical end point of a friendship becoming closer and closer.

The thing is, if a woman wanted to escalate her friendship with a man to a relationship, she’d have decent odds; she’s probably attractive enough for his standards, assuming she’s average or above, and the pre-established trust and companionship would make her a better pick for him.

A man, however, doesn’t have the odds in his favour; first, of course, you have to contend with the statistical likelihood that she was never attracted to him to begin with. Women’s standards trend higher than men’s and even if he’s broadly attractive she’s probably got a more specific ‘type’ than he does. This can’t really be prevented but it’s hell if you’re unattractive or socially awkward because there’s no easy way to walk away from that friendship that’s not going where you wanted without being branded a creep with ‘ulterior motives’ in deciding to be her friend in the first place.

Let’s assume she does start off attracted to him, though; speaking from experience, that fades unless it’s acted on: if the man takes too long to escalate, a woman will start to lose interest and acclimatize into a friendship without much attraction. That can really suck for a man, because often times the close companionship is what triggers his interest in a relationship to begin with, dooming him to make that decision after it’s already too late. Now, if she was making goggly eyes at you before at least when she asks why you disappeared and you say ‘I got interested, you weren’t feeling it, didn’t want to be distracted from other women’ you should be forgiven, right?

Vtridolla · 2022-08-04T18:07:05+00:00

I friendzone women cause it’s always cool to have women around and part of the crew.

ohheyhi99 · 2022-08-04T18:52:18+00:00

It’s when someone has a friend who they wouldn’t date or have sex with.

NockerJoe · 2022-08-04T19:46:46+00:00

Its a friendship where one side is attracted to the other, but the second party isn't. This means that one person will put a whole lot more time and effort into a friendship while waiting for an indication of interest that isn't coming.

I have a personal test:

-Would you give this person a ride to or from the airport at 4am?

-Would they do that for you?

If the two answers don't match thats a bad sign.

JapchaeNoddle · 2022-08-04T20:57:34+00:00

People call it that when they wanted to date someone but the other person just wants to be friends…hence friend…zone.

AreOut · 2022-08-04T21:58:33+00:00

as someone who liked to play life on a hard level I had a couple of friends(actually just acquaintances that friendzoned me) turned to lovers...just by becoming very unfriendly to them, according to my stats it works around 10% of the time so don't hold your hopes high, remember if you want sex with them those are not your friends anyway so you won't lose anything

poppy_blu · 2022-08-04T23:33:44+00:00

When a man thinks if he just hangs around his female friend long enough and does enough nice things for her that she’ll eventually fall for him or at least sleep with him, through I tend to think of a guy who stays in the friend zone as motivated by love more than sex.

everythingelseisfull · 2022-08-05T02:39:45+00:00

Friendzoning is strategy used by women who have been talking to a man and worry that he might embarass both of them by making a move. They might say a variation of "you're a really great friend and I want your advice about problems with a different guy...". If the man takes her at face value there are two problems. He might think he has lots of female friends, so he is close to getting a girlfriend and doesn't need to change anything. If this happens consistently, he is nowhere near getting a girlfriend. He might hear all these women complaining about men who act interested and then sabotage the relationship and assume the women understand they have been conned by a player. The men then carefully avoid looking like a player, which compounds their problem. The men need to explicitly say "I'm sorry you have been played. If I could say anything to stop them I would, but there is nothing I can do. You just need to be more careful".

Wide_Result9679 · 2022-08-05T04:02:33+00:00

Ryan Reynolds felt sparks long before Blake Lively did.

I've witnessed this many times irl, and studies back me up: men often feel attraction and/or "love" long before the woman does.

I'd say just don't care as a man. It'll click for her one day she's into you for a random reason or it won't, so don't attach to any one woman, plant many seeds.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-08-05T05:12:26+00:00

Can a man really put himself in the friendzone with no way for recovery?

Yes, if she's not into you it's overwhelmingly never going to happen

Why is the friendzone something that has such a bad reputation?

Why would you want to be just friends with somebody that you're clearly attracted to and possibly in love with?

Is the difference between a friend and a lover really just the level of attraction?

Pretty much, there could be other circumstances like somebody being gay or married or something like that but if you have two single people then pretty much yeah

What should someone do to increase their chances to move away from the "friendzone" and into the "loverzone", this of course under the assumption that they want that.

It's probably not going to happen like I said earlier, so the best thing to do is to keep some distance and move on if not cut the Friendship off entirely

Another possibility i just thought about. What if they have been friends for a while and one just recently developed feelings/attraction?

That's usually what it is at the end of the day it's just unrequited love

DXBrigade · 2022-08-05T09:38:04+00:00

When you want to be more than friend, and he/she doesn't.

Friendzone happens to both genders but it has a bad reputation for guys only, because spending time with a woman they don't have sex with, hurt their male egos.

TravisScottNL · 2022-08-05T11:24:49+00:00

Friendzone doesn’t exist lmao. You don’t have to be friends with a woman who doesn’t want to fuck you.

UpperInjury590 · 2022-08-05T15:48:51+00:00

Person A wants a relationship with Person B, B simply wants to stay friends so B rejects A. Thus A was friendzoned. Simple

dbz19_kai · 2022-08-05T15:51:02+00:00

You like someone but they only see you as a friend

hairy_bamboo · 2022-08-04T20:14:55+00:00

I admit that if I'm hanging with a chick I'm probably thinking "I wouldn't say no" - but ya know, there have been women where I would say no but would actually be willing to be 'friends'. They usually don't believe that anyway so whatever.

The "friend zone" that I don't like is the one where she NEVER initiates any sort of communication unless she wants something. I've heard the "let's be friends" shit before, and I know that it can and usually is a soft rejection, but you don't know it's a soft rejection until a few days/weeks go by where she makes zero effort. It's like "Ah, ok, she wasn't serious" and I think all the excuses women make for doing this just sticks it in and breaks it off.

They always try to excuse the lie by either pretending to be compassionate "I didn't want to hurt his feelings" OR pretending acting like she had reason to be scared "I didn't want him to end up stalking me"

So basically the message is that men are either sissies or predators and she gets to act like she's compassionate or being smart.

Dude is already being rejected. Then they poor salt on the wound by trying to elevate themselves.

The stupidest part is that the "let's just be friends" to 'avoid being stalked' ACTUALLY ends up in a situation that makes the guy look like a stalker. If he rings her up a week later she gets to act like "Omg, he's such a stalker creep, can't take a hint".... yeah, YOU did that.

And it's all a double bind because if she says "let's just be friends" and he goes "Uh, no thanks, not interested" then she can act like "Yeah, ALL he wanted was sex, what an asshole".

As far as I'm concerned, the week a girl starts wearing a bra she should be prepared to be approached and have an appropriate and polite response that ACTAULLY takes his feelings into consideration and lowers the odds of a stalker situation like "No thanks, I'm not interested"

Also, shit like "not right now" or "I'm seeing someone" sends a message that "maybe in the future". But yet women complain about Chad "future faking".

If women want the right to consent it's time they took the responsibility to dissent. But yeah, they don't like responsibility so there's that. "Responsibility makes me feel uncomfortable"

launcelot02 · 2022-08-04T19:02:41+00:00

Friendzoned is one of worst things to happen to a man. He may pick himself up, but he must respect himself as well. This means he looses the chance of a lover and looses a friend. The weak men stay around hoping she will change her mind. It never works.

There is no amount of energy or effort worth trying to convince a woman once her mind is made up.

However, if a man wants her there is but one way I know that works. That he find another girl, then the girl who Friendzoned will be crawling back. She senses she is losing her emotional tampon to talk about all her problems. Even then it rarely works, for the man moves to the new girl who actually wants him.

It is always best to move on.

Only the best looking men with a thick wallet and a large social circle can friendzone women. That is why it is rarely seen in the dating market.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2022-08-04T18:14:04+00:00

When you’re a sub 5 who doesn’t know how to manage expectations

delight-n-angers · 2022-08-04T20:22:28+00:00

There's no such thing as the friend zone. That's just how men justify thinking they're entitled to have sex with every woman they interact with.

lalelu2727 · 2022-08-04T20:46:33+00:00

There is no friend zone. Someone who is friends with you doesn’t owe you more than that. If someone you romantically like does not reciprocate your feelings there is no way of changing that or convincing the other person. Simply respect it and move on. Yes it sucks not having your feelings reciprocated, we all been there but that’s life and it does not devalue someone’s friendship.

RRBeachFG2 · 2022-08-04T21:40:42+00:00

Guys who string girls along know what they are doing because he doesn’t really want to be friends with you anyways, girls not so much, I think they are a little more naive and want to be friendly with everyone.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-08-05T13:17:46+00:00

I don’t get the hate for friendzoning.

If she is telling you she doesn’t want to be with you and just wants to be friends then either be a friend or walk away

pronouns-king-lord · 2022-08-04T21:16:38+00:00

Male interested in females but the female only interested in free dinner.

TheElusivePeacock · 2022-08-04T22:19:18+00:00

Fictional place people (usually men but I’ve seen women do it too) put themselves in thinking they can use an emotional attachment to get laid or a relationship. Someone who doesn’t place value on actual friendship and only cares for it as a means to an end. A place people put themselves in to victimize themselves when they themselves are the actual villain.

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hearyoume14 · 2022-08-04T19:49:57+00:00

The two main ones I’ve seen are where the person who likes the other plays it close to the vest and doesn’t tell them or where the other person knows they like them and uses it to their advantage. Luckily most of the cases where disclosure happened it was reciprocated.

I suppose you could call asking a friend out and them declining because they don’t feel the same way being friend zone. Some of it is dependent on how the asker reacts. I’ve seen it where a girl asked a guy out , he declined and she went into stalker mode.

In one case the guy who everyone called on to help with things like moving freaked out on a woman because he thought she should be able to tell he was paying extra attention to her when even the most observant person in the group couldn’t tell.

In another case a woman kept dangling the carrot of getting with her in front a guy to keep him doing stuff for her. Even my autistic ass could tell.

The typical traits we like romantic partners is similar to that of friends. The depth of emotion and,in most cases, the sexual feelings differentiate between the two. Most couples I know have things they keep between themselves and maybe a therapist.

I do believe it is possible to love someone without liking them.

2022-08-04T20:28:20+00:00

https://youtu.be/jSftfShKuMY

Super controversial guy but he talks about this in the podcast. Hes pretty funny tbh

ShadyKnucks · 2022-08-04T21:42:55+00:00

No. It’s just a construct people made, so that they can about having a friend when they really want a sexual/romantic partner.

I take it as people complaining about having friends.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2022-08-04T22:30:40+00:00

This may sound counterintuitive, but the only way to move from “friend” to “potential lover” in someone’s eyes is to not try so hard. There’s nothing less attractive than desperation, and if a girl sees you following her around like a lovesick puppy, all she will see is desperation.

On the contrary, if she sees you doing cool stuff, being social with people outside your immediate friend group, and potentially getting attention from other girls, she’s MUCH more likely to take an interest.

statsfodder · 2022-08-04T23:08:08+00:00

How do you get to men putting themselves in the friendzone?? Whether a man is in the friend zone or not is almost solely the woman's choice.

AdditionalPrice7336 · 2022-08-04T23:16:12+00:00

To even ask these questions is an act of severe departure from human normality.

LotBuilder · 2022-08-04T23:27:53+00:00

A man cannot put himself in the friend zone. A man can accept being in the friend zone or not. The woman makes that decision. If/when a woman decides to move a friend into a romantic situation it’s usually a form of settling.

mahaitre · 2022-08-04T23:51:25+00:00

Friendzone is when she likes you so much by seeing you as a great human being, but not as a man.

civilityisgood · 2022-08-05T02:29:20+00:00

It’s essentially a “sex free zone” it means she isn’t interested in you sexually and no punani for you 🤣

AbbreviationsHot1200 · 2022-08-05T02:54:53+00:00

The only way to get out of the friend zone and into the lover zone is to make her jealous

YtBlue · 2022-08-05T03:49:21+00:00

Once someone sees you a certain way, it's hard to change that. The friendzone is the girl thinking she's above or worse a woman.

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-08-05T04:14:19+00:00

It’s not as bad as it’s made out to be the most funny part is it’s like people think that if she doesn’t fuck me and I still decide to talk to her which I can just stop doing , that I’m waiting on rooftop singing sad songs preying for her to come to me Lmfaoooo like Bruv I’m out partying and she’s with him o well

Aluminiah · 2022-08-05T09:54:45+00:00

No one puts you in the friendzone.

You put yourself there when you refuse to let go of someone who just isn't that into you.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-08-05T11:38:00+00:00

My female friends(outside of my GF) are actually my friends. There not women I tried to sleep with, failed, and are just hanging around them in a fake friendship with the hope that I’ll catch them in a week moment lol.

I don’t allow myself to friendzoned because I dub the chick the minute she says/implies she’s not interested

HuckleberryThis2012 · 2022-08-05T12:24:52+00:00

So there’s no 100% concrete rule that covers all situations. Yes it’s true that the friendzone is inescapable for the vast majority of those placed in it, but that doesn’t mean no one has ever gotten out of it. It seems to me, in my personal experience and those I’ve known, that if you haven’t “hooked up with” (or gone on a date or at least kissed) the woman early on, then she is going to view you as just a friend and you’re stuck there. You can go from hooking up to friends and then get out of it, bc on some level she viewed you as a potential partner, but it is way harder to transition out of friend zone if you’ve never been viewed as a potential partner.

At the very least you can’t get out of the friend zone without risking losing the friendship. I find it’s best to just avoid trying to date anyone you’re friends with. There’s so many women you aren’t friends with so why bother. If you develop super strong feelings I guess you might have to bring it up so you can at least step away from the friendship if she doesn’t want to be with you.

ruboyuri · 2022-08-05T17:29:31+00:00

A rebrand of an old concept, just with reversed accountability to favor (usually) men

sex_throwaway999 · 2022-08-05T17:31:50+00:00

it means someone doesn't mind your personality (would be friends with you), but doesn't find you sexually attractive

LMM-GT02 · 2022-08-05T20:42:22+00:00

Even if you are her friend, her level of respect she gives is higher for a dude she has fucked. Never had a female friend that didn’t forget about you as soon as the material or convenience benefits of your friendship ends.

If you fuck her, she’ll remember damn near forever.

Title	What even is the "friendzone"?
Author	BittererWegwerf
Upvotes	26
Comments	147
Date	August 4, 2022 5:55 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wg7p7r/what_even_is_the_friendzone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-even-is-the-friendzone.1126271 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126271

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