Why are "pick mes" so reviled?

LittyKitsune · 2022-02-15T05:48:08+00:00

I don't dislike them as people but the strategy itself is just...depressing.

Pick mes know what they want and are taking the steps to get it.

My older sister was basically in a love triangle that involved a "pick me" once. She was the safe place to land when my sister would cheat on him or dump him again. He also told her straight-up that he'd leave the pick-me girl in a heartbeat for her, and he did more than once. When my sister officially ended things with him the other girl took him back once again, and now they're married with a child. But when I see pictures of them smiling and happy I wonder if she knows about the kind of demeaning stuff he used to call her to my sister behind her back, or that she was and always will be his second choice. Or about the fact that my sister caught him stalking her social media with an alt account fairly recently.

Did she get what she wanted? I guess so. But...deep down I feel like she deserves better.

CodeCody23 · 2022-02-15T05:03:16+00:00

Same reason why simps are disliked by men.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-02-15T05:14:15+00:00

You wouldn't shame a woman for devoting seven years of her life to going after a medical degree, but you'll shame a woman to taking active steps at getting the kind of man she wants

People going to medical school aren't shitting on other people for it, being nice to men is ok, shitting on other woman to get men is not.

I thought feminist ideology was about female empowerment and the ability to choose your own goals? If a woman wants to be a wife and a mother, isn't it her right to pursue that wholeheartedly?

Yes it is, yes she is. What she shouldn't do is shame woman who don't pick the same thing

Do pick mes get picked? Is their strategy more or less effective than others?

I don't think they do, and when they are, it's from the trash guys not the ones the non pick mes would want

Why do some women not have as much contempt for men being "pick mes" as they do for women?

I think they're both dumb, idk what women you're talking about here

spinsterchachkies · 2022-02-15T08:31:48+00:00

None of what you have described is pickme.

Pickmes tear other women down to look cool in front of a man. No one cares about your job. The point is if you are being a dick just to get attention and validation from a man you’re a pickme.
Pickmes have no self esteem, self respect, and degrade themselves. A pickme can be a CEO, a Lawyer, or a wife and mother. It has nothing to do with career. If she is desperate, has little to no standards, and is making a fool of herself, she is a pickme. Simple. Don’t make it complicated.
Most of the time, no. They get used. They get pumped and dumped. Which is why women tell other women to stop being pickmes. We tell them to raise their standards. We are trying to help. We are looking out for them. Pickmes don’t have a strategy, they are just naive and stupid and get used up and thrown away by men because they believe in them too much.
The male equivalent of a pick me would be a simp.

Mimoxs · 2022-02-15T06:16:09+00:00

They tear other women down in the process. They are almost synonymous with the "not like other girls" girls. It's a "look at me I'm not like all the other women who are awful and worthless, I'm good" because they can't just be good enough on their own I guess

If a woman wants to be a wife and a mother, isn't it her right to pursue that wholeheartedly?

This has nothing to do with being a "pickme" or not. You seem to have that and tradcon woman conflated. Plenty of "pickmes" seek casual sex and child free, promiscuous lifestyles.

AquaChip · 2022-02-15T13:27:26+00:00

My sister used to be a pick me. She low key still is and it had her suicidal. The short version is she met a guy, he moved in with her after a month of dating. He didn’t have to pay rent or buy grocery’s because she was trying so hard to prove that she wasn’t like other girls. She flunked out of college because she was spending so much time taking care of him and trying to find him a job. He got a good job then he ditched her for another woman. When I tell you she spend ALL of her time trying to build him up and support him I mean, all of it.

To say she had a psychotic break would be an understatement. She drove 7 hours to his new apartment and spent the night pounding on his door crying and begging for him to take her back. It got so bad that he had to call the cops to remove her. Being a pick me will drive you crazy.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-02-15T05:12:33+00:00

A pick me is a woman that is willing to do anything for male approval. She will embarrass or throw other women under the bus to achieve this goal. The unfortunate thing about a pick me is usually the men they are trying to seek approval from are of poor quality and treat women badly, leaving little real benefit for the pick me.

If pick mes were successful in their pickmeing and really could achieve what they want, people wouldn't mind it much. The problem is that they aren't and they often harm themselves and others in their attempts. It gets multiple times worse if there are any kids involved and this kind of women tend to have a bunch of them in their attempts to keep a man.
There's nothing wrong with being a wife and a mother. You're changing the topic though. A pickme isn't necessarily (and often not) a wife or a married mother. And being a wife and a mother doesn't turn you into a pickme. If you want to discuss women who are into traditional gender roles, you should create another post for it.
They get picked at least for some time, but most often by shitty men. Just like simps rarely get a good deal, neither do pickmes. Also from what I've read from men, pickmes tend to be pickmes for a lot of men. Male attention is their main source of validation, it makes sense they have issues with turning it down.
It highly depends on one's definition of a pickme. If you think that a woman that doesn't hate men or who takes care of the house and children is a pickme, sure, you won't see them in a negative view.

CatchPhraze · 2022-02-15T10:38:55+00:00

Putting other woman down to bolster yourself or being a black hole of male attention that just jumps from guy to guy leading each one on as to get as much attention as possible

Isn't fun for men or women to interact with.

Your_Couzen · 2022-02-15T07:01:27+00:00

It’s just cause people are mean and cause people are jealous especially if they tried being pickmes and never got anywhere. I agree with your points. It’s their choice of lifestyle. No need to disrespect people over wanting to be a stay at home wife or a man who’s overly devoted to a woman, but that’s just how the world is. Everyone in reality wants to be picked by someone whether love partner or in job opportunities. Try hard at work and in school.

womandatory · 2022-02-15T13:36:28+00:00

Because pursuing a medical degree is about her own self improvement and pleasing a man at the expense of her own self worth and dignity is not about her, it’s about him. Really? You struggle to get this?
Female ‘empowerment’ is a liberal feminist nonsense. Liberal feminism centres men. See point 1. Actual feminism is about equality. Treating people with equal respect and dignity and offering equality of opportunity regardless of their choices. Feminism is about equality, dignity and respect for each person, not fake empowerment of the individual.
Pickmes get picked for sure! Usually by misogynist, self-centred assholes who wouldn’t recognize dignity or respect if they motorboated him.
Women have plenty of disrespect for pickme men. I believe the kids call them ‘simps’ these days. Doing things for someone else at the expense of your own dignity and self-respect and against your own self-interest with the sole aim of getting laid/a relationship is horrifically cringe. Their true nature is always revealed eventually, as is their purpose for pickme/simping. The issue isn’t doing something for someone you love out of love, the issue is doing it with an expectation of a return on investment, or doing it at the expense of your own dignity. No woman wants to date a guy who goes out of his way to de-prioritize study for his final exams to help her set up an Instagram photo for her wannabe account, because he’s demonstrating poor decision making and women want a mate who can make good choices for her and any kids they have together. Men however, want the Cool Girl who doesn’t mind him watching porn and football all weekend and brings him and his mates beers and nachos and sucks his dick during the final because modern men are weak and poor at decision making for themselves and any families they might spawn.

The problem is men. Simps sacrifice good decision making and self respect in the hope of winning a woman over with a view to getting laid, but they fail because decent women want relationships with men who make smart choices, not sex with men who make bad ones. Pickmes sacrifice self respect for men who make bad choices and then get angry and abusive when the guy doesn’t morph into respectable husband/father material after she’s played up to and tolerated his gaming and fishing weekends for long enough for him to commit.

Decent women disrespect pickmes because pickmes are often at least women with reasonable standards who lower them temporarily to secure a man and then raise them straight after and cause hell when men don’t live up to them. We would rather all women just had high standards to begin with, then we wouldn’t all have to trawl through so much trash to meet a halfway decent man.

wtknight · 2022-02-15T05:06:57+00:00

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AtTheEnd777 · 2022-02-15T07:59:34+00:00

It's not about her wanting a relationship or marriage and being willing to pursue it. It's about how they're so desperate for male attention and validation that they change themselves to please men with unreasonable expectations, accept shitty behavior from men and worst of all, they pass this mindset onto their daughters. It makes it much harder for us to enforce necessary changes in the behavior of awful men because the truth is that men only respond to the threat of being unable to date or get laid. Pickmes undermine all of our progress and efforts. Plus, the lack of spine and self-respect is absolutely contemptible and pathetic.

theo_luminati · 2022-02-15T05:11:04+00:00

Ahhh generally, because when girls act like that, other girls don’t actually perceive it as being for sex/love, whether it subconsciously is or not. To us, she’s vying for comrade-esque respect from men, in the wrong ways. She’ll put other women down to get kudos and props from misogynistic men, think it makes her look smart and ‘above it all’ and one of the boys, and then act surprised when they still eventually end up treating her just like they treat the rest of us.

Edit: You know what, I might have to change ‘to us’ to ‘to me’, because it looks like most girls here are in agreement that this behavior is for sex/love. I hate it specifically for the aforementioned comradery-coveting reason, but I understand where the other takes are coming from too.

Slipthe · 2022-02-15T06:27:27+00:00

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LotBuilder · 2022-02-15T05:59:57+00:00

Pick me’s enable “negative” male behavior like simps enable “negative” female behavior. Both are doing what the want in the moment and they may or may not benefit from it in the long term.

livs4dietdrpepper · 2022-02-15T11:51:07+00:00

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SylvestorTalone · 2022-02-15T13:17:04+00:00

Other women don't want to compete with them.

2022-02-15T22:49:42+00:00

when i was sexually abused but an older boy at the park when i was 5 his mom told me "boys will be boys". since i was 5, i thought she was right and i didn't tell my mom or anyone else bc i thought that resolved the matter.

pick mes will always blame women, even children for men's behavior.

gimpgirl555 · 2022-02-15T07:05:46+00:00

Women hate Pick Mes because it means you actually have to do something for a man. And most women don't want to do anything for a man.

Women are afraid that if men see Pick Mes doing things for men then men will come to expect it out of all women. Also it's just offensive in female culture.

In female culture women expect men to do stuff for them. That's where the sense of entitlement comes from. If you go against that then you're destroying the culture of having people do stuff for women. For most women that's their life plan: sit on their ass and have a man do everything for them. Starting with pursuing men, because they don't really pursue men.

For example if Pick Mes pursue men, then other women will actually have to start doing stuff - for men.

divinedeviancy · 2022-02-15T09:30:33+00:00

Because they go against feminist goals and ideas.

sarkington · 2022-02-15T05:08:06+00:00

Because they complain. And also endanger others

Dealunbreaker · 2022-02-15T07:28:54+00:00

Because putting down women to earn men's attention is weird and gross. It's not exactly rocket science. Pick-mes are assholes to amuse men, how hard is if fo just not be an asshole?

kittenated · 2022-02-15T10:00:57+00:00

Pick me's are women who are acting out of insecurity, not empowerment. They're not expressing a fondness in everything masculine because they genuinely like those things, they're doing it because they know men like it, so it's ultimately all just an act.

The fact that you call it a "strategy" is exactly why they're looked down upon. The same as RP men put on an act.

When you bullshit your entire personality, character, tastes and preferences, and bend over backwards to try to attract people of the opposite sex, it's pitiful because it's fake and desperate.

chromie96 · 2022-02-15T08:46:06+00:00

Pick mes are not women who "know what they want". It's women who shit on other women for the sake of male approval and validation. I'm confused where you got the idea that they are just women who know what they want.

A woman can totally be a wife and mother. It's when she starts taking shots at women who aren't. There are feminists who also take shots at women like that and they are equally as problematic.

In my experience, no. And if they do get picked the relationship doesn't last for long. There are exceptions ofc but most average pick mes don't. I think it's because if you are actively talking down to women only for male validation, there are other insecurities there.

Male pick mes are simps and women put up with them for the same reason men put up with pick mes : the attention.

Rough_Collections · 2022-02-15T13:14:15+00:00

Women hate pickmes because they get picked. So breaking the narrative. Men hate simps because they messup the market for nothing. Simps distort the market because they Simp for all women across the board.

If simping worked all men would Simp. Just like they use to wear makeup & high heels in the 1700s

Pickme's typically have standards for submission. I make exceptions for victims at both extremes.

So yeah a bit different.

wtknight · 2022-02-15T13:27:31+00:00

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madame_imane · 2022-02-15T07:19:22+00:00

wth! they have no self respect and do everything for the validation of men. agree with anything men say just to "fit in" with the guys. they are also okay with insulting other women for male validation, why would feminist support this lmao?

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2022-02-15T09:33:37+00:00

Pickmes have the saddest life.

Dapper_Art_8269 · 2022-02-15T12:33:38+00:00

For the same reason simps are criticized by men.

Pick me is not a houswife. Pick me is a doormat. That's the definition of a pick me. So pick me allows her man to cheat, or talk shit about women. She does much more for him than he does for her. She sacrifices herself hoping that he will finally show her kindness. She will trash other women who don't suck their men dicks 24/7.

Why is it weird that we criticize them?

ksja88 · 2022-02-15T05:37:44+00:00

They are gender traitors.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-02-15T05:16:37+00:00

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sunkized · 2022-02-15T07:03:38+00:00

Any woman that's pragmatic is considered a pick me.

bot_girl · 2022-02-15T08:16:07+00:00

It’s the pick-mes who shame other women. They belittle others in hope of getting male validation.
It’s fine if you want to be a tradwife. Pick-mes can be traditionally feminine but they can also be career women and present an approach like “I can bring money to the table and still have children with you, not like those stupid bitches that want only to stay home and do nothing” or “I am not a shy bitch that won’t sleep with you on the first date, other women lead men on and won’t go to bed when men want to, so I’m better”.
Some time ago I read a post by a woman giving a lot of pick-me energy who was complaining that she can’t find a guy, even though “she’s not a stupid feminist who thinks that only because she has a work then she doesn’t have to do stuff at home” (and following later with suggestions that she would take all home responsibilities on her) and that she “works out because she actually cares that her man is sexually attracted to her”.

Later she found a guy and then she was complaining about him on the same forum while adding that she’s such a great partner to him because she doesn’t break up with him for the stuff that she complains about while other women would (I cannot remember all but the fact that he doesn’t have a driving license was one of the complaints).

I think some pick-mes get picked, some don’t. But based on reaction of guys in the mentioned girl’s posts, some found her constant shitting on other women putting off.

I think it’s the case of seeing more of the behavior in their gender group and the direction of behavior. I am not a target of belittlement from pick-me guys but I am from pick-me girls. And I believe pick-me guys are either a lot rarer than pick-me girls or are the “nice guys” of internet who, when rejected, attack not other men but the woman who rejected them. Pick-mes do not openly attack men.

2022-02-15T12:52:48+00:00

People feel visceral disgust and discomfort over anything that's 'pathetic'.
Many women have gone through a pickme/cool girl stage in their younger years and experienced how it didn't make them (the women) happier.

icanchi · 2022-02-15T13:25:23+00:00

The problem with pick mes is they would throw you under a bus for men approval. Most women has been bullied, insulted by a women who wanted to be approved by males around her. Could be her boss, boyfriend, father...

If a woman wants to be a mother and have 7 babies it's ok if it's her dream. The problem comes when her true desire is something else but she is willing to sacrifice it to stay with a man.

Call the attention from a guy in a bar, take initiative for dates, pay for drinks it actually level 0 of this culture. It is disgusting and even dangerous when escalates. I've known cases in which women allows to be cheated on, mistreated, she can even allow to let her kids beaten, or taking drugs, perform illegal acts, change the whole personality just to stick with a man or be seen as a part of the crew.

Also, the culture (movies, music, novels, tv shows...) Has taught women for decades sacrifice is true love and if we meet the right man we must sacrifice our lifes for him and it completely sucks.

Pick me culture give women even more job than we have. Remind most of us has careers and jobs and house work. Add that looking pretty, give full attention, pay, listen, commute in exchange for...just attention. Sound this fair??

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lonely_mixtape · 2022-02-15T05:10:08+00:00

what qualifies as a pick me?

CatoftheBanals · 2022-02-15T06:59:01+00:00

I don’t especially think they are a problem. It’s their life. If they want to cook and clean and play bangmaid to some guy just to have a man around and not be alone…so be it. That’s an extreme case. I think pick mes are a spectrum, from the woman who hangs out at the parties where med school guys go to land a future doctor on the one end to the woman who stands by her abuser on the other. None of them really affect my quality of life. The only reason we don’t especially like the classic pick me is she just tends to try too hard and often pull a “not like other girls” act. That’s kind of cringe in general.

Like others have said, they are like male simps. But they aren’t really hurting me so I don’t hate them; I just kind of roll my eyes when they try too hard by aggressively putting other people down.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-02-15T07:35:42+00:00

It only works for attractive women.

_mwk · 2022-02-15T11:26:30+00:00

for me, second hand embarrassment mixed in with some pity and some disgust. im judgy about pickmes who are successful in their pickme endeavours bc i just find it so humiliating but i only feel major pity and disgust for the pickmes who fail. it’s embarrassing, degrading and they dont even get what they wanted.

Firefly_Cait · 2022-02-15T14:22:59+00:00

My thoughts are this,

If you’re a man who defends women, someone’s gonna call you a simp.

If you’re a woman who defends men, someone’s gonna call you a pickme.

If you don’t support trophy hunting, some jackass will call you a tree hugger.

Etc

Do any of these labels matter? No. They do not.

There’s no winning with any of these fuckers online. Someone’s always gonna be offended or hateful. and you’ll ALWAYS be judged by others, regardless of what you do.

So just do what you fucking want, and be who you are. Don’t let the judgement of others taint your self perception.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2022-02-16T02:06:44+00:00

Pick Me women support misogyny and patriarchal values as long as they directly benefit from it by getting male acceptance and validation. Their objective is to increase their value by devaluing and stepping on other women.

Think about all the women who have mothers that are pick mes and have their mothers choose men over them every single time and put those men first. They’ll believe and support men before women, the sad part is that it doesn’t prevent them from getting mistreated

(See Serena Joy in The Handmaids Tale or Cassie in Euphoria. The men that they support and defend turn around and mistreat them.)

IcarusKiki · 2022-02-16T02:38:43+00:00

My definition of “pick-me” - A woman who values herself based on male attention. NOT A WOMAN WHO TREATS HER BF/HUSBAND WELL. A “pick-me” is by definition not “picked” or being treated well by men in return.

Pick-me’s are reviled the same way simps are reviled for men - because a lot of women see their former selves in them and cringe. You tend to hate traits you spot in yourself.

Also chronic pick-mes are bad to be female friends with because they will throw you under the bus for male attention or sabotage any you get because being a pick-me is just a symptom of low self worth.

OldStorageUnit · 2022-02-16T05:56:25+00:00

No one dislikes Pick Me’s for their life choices. Pick Me’s are universally disliked because they consciously resort to putting down other women whilst making those choices.

No one hates the guy who likes x over y. Everyone hates the guy who cannot enjoy x without putting down those who enjoy y.

2022-02-16T19:07:33+00:00

If you pretend to be someone you're not it's going to get old really fast for you, and when you start setting boundaries, the lucky dude you've been bending backwards for is going to get mad, bitch and complain that you're asking for sleep, asking for rent money, asking to not be talked to like a dog. But by then, you're emotionally broken down, and unable to leave the relationship because all you've invested into this relationship is all you have, you've given up your own hobbies and opinions, it's all about your boyfriend, he is your entire world, and the only good option feels like suicide. I think that's what makes it so reviled, so warned against - because it is a path to destruction

Superfluous_Toast · 2022-02-17T03:01:19+00:00

Because not only are they being pathetic, they're throwing the rest of their gender under the bus.

Doormats who will take any abuse if it will get them positive attention.

AdorableDictator · 2022-02-18T12:27:24+00:00

Pick mes are like the male simps. They do embarrassing and self effacing things to get or keep a guy. Simps end up being used by their target more often than not. And I have not met a pick me who is with a guy who respects her.

It’s just pathetic and ugly, and offends my sense of aesthetics, that’s all. If simps disgust you, you should get it.

RealNiceLady · 2022-02-15T06:14:46+00:00

Why are "pick mes" so reviled?

I just think they're dumbasses.

you'll shame a woman to taking active steps at getting the kind of man she wants?

Honestly, the men they strive to get kinda suck.

If a woman wants to be a wife and a mother, isn't it her right to pursue that wholeheartedly?

These women take it to an extreme though.

Why do some women not have as much contempt for men being "pick mes" as they do for women?

I thought it was a exclusively feminine phenomenon.

spacemanofthezone · 2022-02-15T09:22:42+00:00

Pick me's often simp for men who don't want them and would never want them the way a woman wants and needs to be wanted, instead of investing the time to raise their stocks and then have their pick. They are not so much reviled, as pitied/disrespected. The strategy rarely works by itself. When it does, more power to them if they got what they wanted. But they often get dumped for a better model eventually. Also they tend to be hopeless romantics, which is naive after a certain age.

I say let men strive for your pussy. Develop looks, personality, great lifestyle and earning potential (in that order) and see what happens. hanging on one dick at a time is time wasted.

TL:DR: People with no self respect are disrespected. More news at 10.

figuringMylife · 2022-02-15T13:17:43+00:00

Just to counter something.

Men hate simps because it means you actually have to do something for a woman. And most men don't want to do anything for a woman.

Men are afraid that if men see Simps doing things for women then women will come to expect it out of all men. Also it's just offensive in male culture.

In patriarchal culture men expect women to do stuff for them. That's where the sense of entitlement comes from. If you go against that then you're destroying the culture of having people do stuff for men. For most men that's their life plan: sit on their ass and have a woman do everything for them. Starting with buying gifts and doing all chores for women, because lots of men aren’t even .

For example if simps buy gifts and do all chores for all the women, then other men will actually have to start doing stuff - for women.

i’ll even argue pickmes are more dangerous to others than simps because of their lack of boundaries. but for emphasis, this comment.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ssr7xl/why_are_pick_mes_so_reviled/hx01f1q/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

there are too many horror stories of women letting stepdads or men rape or hurt their kids so they can keep that man.

figuringMylife · 2022-02-15T13:18:34+00:00

Just to counter something.

Men hate simps because it means you actually have to do something for a woman. And most men don't want to do anything for a woman.

Men are afraid that if men see Simps doing things for women then women will come to expect it out of all men. Also it's just offensive in male culture.

In patriarchal culture men expect women to do stuff for them. That's where the sense of entitlement comes from. If you go against that then you're destroying the culture of having people do stuff for men. For most men that's their life plan: sit on their ass and have a woman do everything for them. Starting with buying gifts and doing all chores for women, because lots of men aren’t even doing any chores.

For example if simps buy gifts and do all chores for all the women, then other men will actually have to start doing stuff - for women.

i’ll even argue pickmes are more dangerous to others than simps because of their lack of boundaries. but for emphasis, this comment.

there are too many horror stories of women letting stepdads or men rape or hurt their kids so they can keep that man or so the man doesn’t get in trouble.

Title	Why are "pick mes" so reviled?
Author	Watch_the_backflip
Upvotes	37
Comments	219
Date	February 15, 2022 1:49 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ssr7xl/why_are_pick_mes_so_reviled/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-pick-mes-so-reviled.1102265 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102265

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