Women will emotionally cheat/manipulate/hide things more often but men physically cheat more in a relationship?

obviousredflag · 2024-04-25T15:16:23+00:00

Stop assuming there needs to be something wrong in a relationship for cheating to happen.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-04-25T15:33:15+00:00

A woman in another subreddit was explaining how her marriage failed because sex with her husband had became so infrequent that he ended up sleeping with another woman. She blamed the husbands lack of showing forms of non physical intimacy and doing the little things like he used to that turned her off from wanting sex. She had checked out from sex with him for a long time. The thing is she never let him know any of this before he cheated

No quotes or anything for context? Okay.

Isn’t this a form of emotionally cheating on your partner?

Not at all.

Do you find that in most cases this is how things play out?

Guys being too chickenshit to leave and instead setting off a nuke in their relationship? Yeah probably.

The woman emotionally checks out from her partner, it’s not really communicated why, sex becomes less frequent, man cheats, woman blames man

If lack of sex is an issue and talking about it hasn't resolved it, then the proper course of action is to either talk about opening up the relationship or to leave and find someone else. Not physically cheat.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-04-25T15:06:29+00:00

Isn’t this a form of emotionally cheating on your partner?

Lack of communication isn't emotionally cheating. It is lack of communication. Which the husband didn't communicate either, he just cheated.

Do you find that in most cases this is how things play out? The woman emotionally checks out from her partner, it’s not really communicated why, sex becomes less frequent, man cheats, woman blames man

I also would blame the man. He can communicate too. Why isn't he communicating? Why isn't he filing for divorce? Cheating is cowardly.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2024-04-25T18:07:39+00:00

Emotional cheating would mean that she fell in love with or became infatuated with someone else but didn’t sleep with them.

krackedy · 2024-04-25T15:09:37+00:00

Bad communication isn't cheating. It's just bad communication.

That case is 100% the man in the wrong. The right thing to do is divorce if you're unhappy, not cheat.

EulenWatcher · 2024-04-25T15:46:44+00:00

Emotional cheating is getting emotionally intimate with someone else. Failing to communicate your needs or problems doesn’t equate to emotional cheating.

A lot of women in a similar situation do communicate their problem though. It’s a pretty common complaint - sex frequency for men and romance for women. To tackle both things both partners have to take some changes. The longer you let it sit and brew the harder it will be to overcome and not all couples manage to do it. In the end of the day, unless you’re both interested in improving the situation, you can’t really change it. You can be great at communication, but it won’t help if your partner doesn’t cooperate.

SmallSituation6432 · 2024-04-25T17:59:36+00:00

I think you have been way too exposed to online bullshit and no longer understand words to have particular meaning because everyone changes the meaning to whatever fits their argument. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here with over exposure, because the alternative is that this is a comically poor attempt at equivocation.

It is not emotional cheating. The word 'cheating' and the lack of anyone else to 'cheat' with should have been the clue there.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-04-25T15:49:16+00:00

It’s not emotionally cheating because there wasn’t another person there.

Emotionally cheating is basically being in a relationship with another person but not being physically intimidate. Spending your spare time with them and caring for them, treating them the way you should be your spouse and putting their needs/desires first before your actual partner.

This example is a woman not wanting to be used as a flesh light and telling her husband exactly what the relationship needs in order for more frequent sex. He choose to ignore it and cheat on his wife.

But as usual on this sub we try to find reasons to blame woman for mens bad behaviour

MistyMaisel · 2024-04-25T16:08:20+00:00

I'm gonna change a lot of dude's lives right now.

Non-verbal communication is communication. It is real. In fact, most science suggests it is more of our communication and knowledge than verbal communication. If your woman stops having sex with you, stops showing you affection, or really stops anything that used to be normal between you two: she is communicating with you. And given that her affection is withdrawn and sex is stopped or trickling, it stands to logical reason that only a handful of things can be happening. So you can either directly ask or deductively sleuth out what is wrong.

And no, a woman doing this is not cheating. Cheating is going outside of your relationship in ways that break the stated boundaries of that relationship. Failure to communicate problems through verbal communication is not cheating. I'm not a big believer in emotional cheating unless it is really really gone quite overboard, but no, this wouldn't even fit that. She's not talking to someone else in ways she should be talking to her husband. She's not finding emotional fulfillment from someone else in the way a husband should.

Even if we pretended this lack of communication is cheating...the husband would have already cheated by that logic by having removed non-physical intimacy and doing little things for her.

MassiveAd1026 · 2024-04-25T15:51:17+00:00

They're actually both wrong, men and women need to always communicate their needs in a relationship. The man should've asked why they aren't having sex anymore. The woman should give him an honest answer.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-04-25T17:26:52+00:00

Emotionally checking out and/or not communicating your wants and needs ≠ emotionally cheating

It is not a good way to manage your relationship, for sure but it's not cheating. I haven't seen the thread, I don't know if the husband communicated his needs, or if either of them tried to bring up the subject of their relationship slowly dying in any form, so I can't make any other comments on this. But if I have to go off your post, both people didn't handle things well. It's not a surprise that someone wouldn't want to sleep with you if the only time you're affectionate towards them is to get your dick wet but you should let that person know that this doesn't work for you. It's not a surprise that a lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship would make you feel sad/lonely/unloved but you should let that person know that this doesn't work for you.

But he cheated, which is still worse than not communicating. If he was that unhappy, he should have divorced her.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-04-25T15:14:33+00:00

Emotional cheating is not a thing. I refuse to believe that you can cheat in your head. This is just another version of "she cheated on me in a dream". In your case there isn't even anyone else involved, you're saying this woman is cheating because...she isn't horny.

spanglesandbambi · 2024-04-25T15:11:56+00:00

According to whom?

Solondthewookiee · 2024-04-25T15:42:10+00:00

Isn’t this a form of emotionally cheating on your partner?

No. Yes, she should have brought it up, and yes he should be in tune with what his wife needs.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-04-25T15:16:23+00:00

Men pretend to be competent and attentive lovers until they secure a commitment, after which, they drop the hero act and expect duty sex for merely going to work, which they were already doing anyway, prior to the relationship.

Apparently the only thing which reminds men to stay attentive and and loving is the threat of competition.

Ladies: don't marry them if you want to retain an equal partnership and a reciprocal sex life.

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-04-25T16:23:00+00:00

Lack of communication is not cheating. But still I can’t understand why do couples let things fester until it’s too late. I don’t think a couple can survive without honest communication, even if there’s no cheating involved.

edgyny · 2024-04-25T16:39:42+00:00

I didn't see that other post but the situation seems pretty stereotypical and I also think it's a trap I have fallen into in the past.

It can happen in a marriage that people no longer see each other as they did when they were originally dating. Something that opened my eyes about this was back in the day on TheBluePill a bunch of the regulars got into a discussion on a thread about this topic and how it affected their marriages and divorces. One thing they said really struck me as extremely odd... they advised husbands should take sex off the table treat their wives as they did when they first started dating. What stuck out to me about this is that... dating is all about sexual tension? What on earth were they talking about??? It was so odd to me that these clearly articulate women would suggest rewinding the relationship to dating stage as relieving sexual tension. It made no sense to me. I think what they're saying is dating has a lot of attention and and playfulness but that sex was not necessarily expected. And that could make sense. Women date and don't feel obligated to have sex. I can understand it from that perspective. And I find it personally very useful to mentally and emotionally reminisce about how I felt about my wife when we were dating.

Early in relationships there's a lot of fantasy and play involved. You're putting on your best self because you're seeing yourself sort of through your date's eyes rather than your own. It's a strange thing, but its fun and that's what's nice about young relationships. It's important to remember that the reason the relationship exists is because your partner liked the way you saw them then. That's a core kernel of the relationship's existence. It's also difficult to explain. Fromm has a very good description of this early relationship process in The Art of Loving where he calls it "egotism á deux". It's a sort of mutual ego-stoking fantasy spiral.

So wrt this specific story what I see is the couple has become too comfortable and he's not "dating" her anymore. She misses "dating" and the exciting sexual tension it brought.

I don't think it's so much that she really knows what's going on and is lying about it. It's just difficult for everyone to understand. Another dimension is reactive desire puts the burden of action on the husband. Husbands are responsible for winding sexual tension.

ArmariumEspata · 2024-04-25T17:27:55+00:00

The idea that men cheat “physically” but women cheat “emotionally” is bullshit. It’s a gross generalization at best and a straight up lie at worst.

bluestjuice · 2024-04-25T18:09:11+00:00

I mean, maybe your premise is true. I don’t know. Emotional affairs, manipulation, and hiding things from your partner (plus good old-fashioned cheating) are things people of all genders have done. It’s possible that there’s a gendered bias to it but honestly I doubt there’s real data on this. Nobody is exempt from the possibility of being a shitty person.

As far as the situation described, sure, that happens. It happens in all gendered directions also. It’s not actually a good example of either an emotional affair or manipulation, nor really of hiding things; this is just poor communication. The solution to bad communication is good communication, not trying to identify who’s ultimately most at fault.

AcephalicDude · 2024-04-25T23:31:17+00:00

That's not what "emotional cheating" refers to. Checking out and withholding intimacy aren't good things to do, but cheating - emotional or physical - involves a third party.

SpareSpecialist5124 · 2024-04-25T23:38:02+00:00

If she checked out of sex and doesn't even communicate it, what is she even doing in the relationship? Milking money?

I mean, he's wrong for cheating before divorcing, but she's basically already checked out of the relationship, i'm not sure what she's expecting. Is it even cheating if she's already checked out? What difference does some divorce paper make at that point?

I'd bet that him withholding the intimacy is exactly because she's withholding sex, that's how it goes usually.

So, she should definetly communicate her feelings if she wanted to keep the relationship. It's not the husband duty to ask to her why she's withholding sex, and he's not supposed to read her mind, he's not entitled to sex, and complaining about the lack of it could as well be seen as coercion, so he did what most men would do, which is find a partner elsewhere.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-04-26T00:49:16+00:00

He's also got a duty to open up communication and try to work towards answers if the situation is unsatisfactory. Doesn't sound to me like he did that. He's also got a duty not to cheat. He could have sought to negotiate an arrangement whereby he gets to play away occasionally...that too would have opened up the necessary conversation.

The woman you talked to is behaving like a responsible grownup and identifying the things she personally could have done differently, the hurdles she could have jumped that may possibly have saved the marriage. But doing those things differently wouldn't have necessarily saved the marriage. Because there's two people in a marriage and quite clearly the other person wasn't someone who was keen on doing the correct things either, and in some quite egregious ways.

Its almost always a bad idea to talk to about this sort of work on oneself to strangers that are profoundly unsympathetic based upon prejudice. They are almost never helpful.

You dislike women and like.men. Therefore you're not going to have the necessary personal perspective to help her in this by pointing out that yes it would probably have been much better for the relationship and more appropriate if she had done those things but her husband wasn't exactly doing the right things either and if she had done more things right she may still have been greeted with her husband continuing his part of the sabotage of the relationship. It may even have sped up the demise of the relationship if she had pushed harder to address issues. People who don't talk generally don't talk due to discomfort. She may have made her husband more not less happy by talking, the issue may have remained unresolved and he may have cheated even sooner.

Ultimately one should do the right thing in one's dealings with others because the right things to do are good. It shouldn't be primarily goal directed. One can't control other people to make them good simply by being good oneself. You can be perfect and still get divorced. That's life.

tiger_ttt · 2024-04-26T01:12:22+00:00

It's the most common double standard you see in marriage. Wife shuts down the sex, blames it on the husband for not "doing enough" whilst doing literal fuck all herself to help the situation or marriage. You see it time and time again all over dead bedroom type forums.

When the shoe is on the other foot and the women cheats due o lack of sex you get women coming out supporting her decision saying shit like "you gotta get your fill" or "your husband didn't provide". It's always the mans fault no matter what.

DarayRaven · 2024-04-25T15:24:12+00:00

Isn’t this a form of emotionally cheating on your partner?

Whether it is doesn't matter, because to her

Your suppose to read her mind that she has become emotionally detached from the relationship

That's why no amount "communication" will ever work with a woman

Haunting-Run-5346 · 2024-04-25T20:13:59+00:00

probably started a relationship with a shallow foundation and never learned how to communicate.

volleyballbeach · 2024-04-26T04:53:46+00:00

How is emotionally checking out cheating if she isn’t emotionally checking in with someone else? That’s like calling not have sex cheating

PyropeKun · 2024-05-02T01:19:51+00:00

Mb, slime. Didn't realise your girl was watching Spongebob episodes while you were out. I feel you.

No_Range2 · 2024-06-19T23:52:15+00:00

Men get caught more..men can cheat and still love the women they are with …women cheat because they are emotionally checked out …women cheat more and can hide their dirty little secret for the rest of their lives ..scum

8won6 · 2024-04-25T19:53:35+00:00

He cheated. But she 100% used manipulation by withholding sex before that. And no, one is not worse or better than the other. Both are equally wrong. Let's not sit here and try auto-blame the man. Also, if this story is being told from a woman's perspective best believe she left out alot of stuff she did that was wrong.

SomeGuysPoop · 2024-04-25T16:00:09+00:00

Women cheat as much as men nowadays. Maybe even more the younger you go. I think you also have to consider that men are more likely to be emotionally neglectful/unavailable. We all know far more absentee fathers than mothers, similarly with husbands and wives.

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-04-25T16:16:08+00:00

Lack of communication is not cheating. Something is not clear about the dynamics though: was he trying to initiate and she gave him the cold shoulder? Or was she simply distancing and he didn’t pay attention until it was too late? If they weren’t able to face the issues with honesty that relationship was doomed from the beginning, like every relationship without honest communication. And sure, he might have become lazy, that happens frequently. But she could also have asked “I see we are drifting apart, what’s going on?” instead of “checking out” like an immature capricious brat. Communication was subpar on both sides. Seen this far too often with Americans.

ICU8a8 · 2024-04-25T18:32:41+00:00

If he communicated how unhappy he was, and she did nothing, he was justified.

If he never told her he was unhappy, he was unjustified.

spaffjizz · 2024-04-25T17:33:25+00:00

This is exactly why I only start relationships with someone I have excellent sexual chemistry with.

SteveSan82 · 2024-04-25T23:27:28+00:00

Women do all forms of cheating more. Most women do not even hide emotionally cheating. If she has a male friend, she is emotionally cheating. If she has social media, she is emotionally cheating and likely cyber fucking or sending nudes. If she suddenly "has to work for a few hours" or "girls night" she is fucking another guy.

campskills21 · 2024-04-25T16:09:52+00:00

Women physically cheat a lot more than men, it’s too easy for them, and can hide it better. They can leave their guy in their own head to pursue another guy without telling him. Then say with a straight face that’s not cheating. That’s why all the studies on google are wrong, when women cheat they don’t think it is. A woman will never see herself as a cheater.

Also, especially if she’s out of town with girlfriends, finding a hot guy to cheat with is one of her hopes. Girls aren’t so much different from guys with this type of cheating.

The moment your girl is unhappy with you and is just thinking of leaving, she will cheat. She prob not going to tell you because there is emotional and possible financial benefit to her, so she needs to complete the monkey branch before she leaves. If she’s talking to a lawyer about serving you papers, she going to cheat at any opportunity now, even if she doesn’t go through with it.

The top 10% of cheating men, cheat more than women, most guys aren’t going to go to all the effort to cheat, for women it’s just available. Source, myself and every single guy I know that got divorced or left by their girlfriend.

DannyBOI_LE · 2024-04-25T15:10:42+00:00

They also justify any and all critiques of these behavioral patterns by deflecting the conversation onto anyone that would make such a critique. Fascinating.

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wolfloveyes · 2024-04-25T15:38:06+00:00

Most of my female friends have 2-3 guys who they talk to on daily basis, while having one boyfriend.

She often tells me her boyfriend asks "who are u talking to to? ", then she tells me she will talk to me later when he's not around.

They started out with seduction/flirting and later became friends.

But they can quickly become more as the guys are interested in them and they keep orbiting her.

The guys also are trying to get other girl too.

So yes, most women have some backup like this.

I never had a backup in my life so stayed single after a breakup for long time.

It was shocking for me to see how they could move in and out of relationship that fast as if there was no feelings there.

I think women have so many relationship/crushes that they become numb to all feelings of attraction and love at some point.

Most of them stay with a man out of convenience and not some fatal attraction.

This is how they play though, reality is depressing. That she will just move on if her man got killed or got diseased.

Also they tell me men just want sex, so that's fair. If it's worth giving them sex, relationship lasts. If not, they breakup.

Very transactional with lots of fake words.

Title	Women will emotionally cheat/manipulate/hide things more often but men physically cheat more in a relationship?
Author	Harkmunt40
Upvotes	1
Comments	600
Date	April 25, 2024 3:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ccu65o/women_will_emotionally_cheatmanipulatehide_things/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-will-emotionally-cheatmanipulatehide-things.1516374 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516374

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