My problem with Seddit

dontneednomedication · 2012-09-05T13:41:13+00:00

You are right.

You are so very right.

How do I know? I grew up so shy, that I would blush to a glow-in-the-daylight tomato red if a girl talked to me, or if a teacher would address me in class. Needless to say I was not popular with girls. And I am not gifted in the looks department. I am no ugly by any means, and I am tall; but I was always skinny and up to not long ago I was skinny fat.

I don't know if it was nature or nurture, since I had so much time in my hands, I studied A LOT, and read A LOT. I was an A- student, since I was not a nerd and learning didn't come easy, I just spend an exorbitant amount of time studying and reading because I had no social life whatsoever.

One thing I have always had going for me was being stubborn, in a special way. I know that no matter what problem I had, the solution was somewhere out there, someone was the expert, or there was a book or something like that; I had the conviction that if someone achieved something, I could achieve too, if I wanted it. I only had to find the right expert / resource, and dedicate time. And I knew that it always took me longer than anyone else.

Of course I was horny, just like any other teenager, probably more. And I had fapping to a science!

You are right, I started small, very small. I started by not looking away when a girl was looking at me. I have read so many self-help books that it's not funny, from How to start a conversation to stuff about The Shy Child, and stuff about Building your Self-Esteem. Of course I read all this stuff in secret, unbeknown to anyone. DUH!

I've tried a lot of new Age stuff: EFT, LOA, NLP, tarot cards, Meditation, Tai-chi, Bible Churches, Buddhism, I even did Toastmasters for quite a few years.

And in the meanwhile I discovered the PUA/Seduction literature, I believe I started with The Game, but I have read it all. I even read dating books geared towards women, books like He's not into you, and I regularly would read Cosmopolitan to try to crack the code.

Somehow I manage to lose my virginity at 17 (I thought I was late), and I got married... TWICE. I am 50 now, and I can tell you that I have come a long way from that shy kid that I once was, there was not 1 breakthrough but it was more of a smooth transition with little baby step.

I remember going to the Mall and walk in circle around the Mall and .. practicing looking at people in the eyes, without looking down right away. Of course I didn't want to be creepy or anything.

Then I graduated to smiling. Do you know how many times in stores like Best Buy people thought I was working there because I would look at them in the eyes and smile? Once in Best Buy a woman asked me a question about a camera and I answered it, and that lead to another question..... then she said OK, I'll take this one and that's when I told her that I didn't work there! It was funny.

And YES, like everyone else I can tell you that going out there is the one and only way. Do it at your own pace, you will fail, at times it will be a small fail like when a girl will flake on you, at times it will be a BIG FAIL like when someone you are in love with cheats on you ... just for fun, with a jerk, and then she still wants you to marry her.

Read books, articles, /r/seduction , then take a look at yourself and see what is the area that needs improvement, what is the next baby step you want to take, and go out there and practice.

At some point in time, along the path, you will realize something: IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, it's about living a life that fits you comfortably, living the dream life that you dreamed when you were a kid. Sure it doesn't happen overnight, but once you realize that and start in that path, you will become more attractive to yourself, and to the rest of the world. People will find you interesting and want to engage with you, and some of these people would be age-appropriate women, and some of them will be to your liking and.... magic will happen, in the bedroom and outside the bedroom.

Google, blogs, amazon, and /r/seduction is like trying to drink from a firehose, but that's not a problem. Read, read as much as you can, and see how that applies to you. Of course you have to be skeptical, but at times you might encounter something that is so weird and foreign to you, but that promises results and ... sounds like fun: why not try it? Something like... hypnotic phrases. or whatever.

And you'll also find out that something that's a sacred cow for someone really does not apply to you. For instance, I never go to bars and clubs to try to pick up women, it's just not me. I do go to bars and clubs on dates, and if a PUA artists approaches my date, I don't like it a bit.

I will leave you with a few reading suggestions:

Something I wrote about talking to everyone http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ufzvf/planting_1000_seeds_a_bit_long_i_know/
If you are an introvert, this book will open your eyes: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
If you are a nice guy: No More Mr. Nice Guy! by Robert A. Glover

No matter what, keep on doing. Don't get discouraged. Yes I am old at 50, but... you won't believe the game that I am able to pull off, I don't say anything because..... I hardly believe it myself (i.e.: today I had the choice of 3 women... and it is MY choice which one I am going to have sex with, the other 2 have to wait their turn).

EDIT 1: grammar and typos

EDIT 2: wow 120+ points, thank you guys, my Ego is really enjoying this boost

IFeelItToo · 2012-09-05T12:29:28+00:00

You're confusing shyness and introversion. You're describing shyness. I know plenty of introverts who can go out, be social, talk to people, and then go home and recuperate in a quiet room by themselves and read a book. This kind of explains it, but I'll look for better: http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/introvert.htm .

tl;dr: You're shy, and that's ok, but it doesn't have to be a defining, immutable character trait.

2012-09-05T12:45:56+00:00

next time you go out ANYWHERE (which you should do right now), just say 'hi' and smile to ONE girl you think is attractive, then keep moving. You do this, then you analyze how it felt. Feeling game for a couple more hi's? Great, go for it! Felt too easy? Escalate to asking them a question / starting up a very small conversation. Felt nerve wracking and awkward? That's fine, you accomplished your goal. Go home, you're a winner, and repeat day after day until it becomes easy, then escalate

I like this advice a lot.

PAinPA · 2012-09-05T12:36:32+00:00

Honestly, you're just making excuses for yourself. Look up the definition of an introvert and tell me why we can't talk to random girls any less than an extrovert could.

You're just describing social anxiety from doing something new. The faster you man up and just do it, the faster you'll see results. You're just trying to claim you were "born to fail" so you can have an excuse when you go out and you're too nervous to approach anyone. This is the starting point for ALL "betas", it doesn't matter if it's introvert/extrovert.

livinglogic · 2012-09-05T12:41:20+00:00

Nothing is going to help you.You will rationalize anyway. Today its because you are an 'introvert' tomorrow it'll be some other identity you will trap yourself in.

ThrowawaySweden · 2012-09-05T12:08:19+00:00

When they say "Get out there, talk to woman, just go for it!" they're not talking strictly about friday/saturday night in clubs and bars. I had the same question as you earlier this week and thought about it.

You see, they're talking about approaches. Have a quick chat with the busdriver, the cashiere (sp), the other guy waiting at the busstop. This is truly what you'll have to start with, it'll will make you more comfortable simply speaking to other people. Now sooner or later, you'll notice that conversations will flow, and what you need to say, and probably what you shouldn't.

Look, with girls you're in a much different mindset. It's easier to start with anyone and everyone, everywhere. I'm not asking you to approach every stranger, but even a quick remark, a little bit of small talk will make you feel more comfortable.

Now the great thing is, you'll notice that seddit and whatnot isn't so much about girls (or rather; picking up) as it is about basic human interaction. The more you do it, the more standard it'll become, and you will notice how people treat you differently just because you won't have trouble making a quick chat.

But! You'll have to make the start, regardless.

BaseballGuyCAA · 2012-09-05T14:41:13+00:00

Okay. Let me preface this with a preemptive apology. I'm about to say some really hurtful things. This isn't meant to be personal, but your post sucked. And you caught me as I just woke up and can't get back to sleep, so I'm in a shit mood to begin with.

You're not an "introvert." The word "introvert" is used to describe someone who is happier, or more comfortable, in an alone setting than in a big crowd. You are what I like to call "socially awkward." Introverts can deal with people when they have to, but would rather not. The socially awkward lack the ability to deal with people, period. There is a monstrous chasm of a difference. Especially on Reddit, there are hundreds of thousands of people who are socially awkward who like to call themselves introverts because it sounds softer and more acceptable. Which makes you, in turn, softer and more acceptable. The first thing you need to do is break the cycle and own up to your own shortcomings. "I'm socially awkward" is not a death sentence. Like most things in life worth doing, it takes a ton of effort to fix. I was a socially awkward teenager who couldn't talk to girls, spent Friday night playing Madden or some text-based MMORPG, and frequently made an ass of myself in public. Today I'm 23 and that social awkwardness is mostly gone.+
Your "I feel it's just a natural progression" line supports this socially-awkward hypothesis. You talk about basic human interaction as if it were a foreign concept.++ Think of Seddit as a 300-level class in a subject that you flunked out of 101 in. You are right in that your fundamentals need serious work--but I really don't know if this is the right subreddit for your issues at this point. I also apologize in that I'm not entirely sure of a better one. /r/relationships maybe? Is there a /r/howtotalktopeople? Little help from the peanut gallery on this one?
One great first step you can make is to can the whining. Nobody likes a whiner--not girls, not guys, not even your mom even though she puts up with it because she has to. All I'm hearing is "This sub needs to change what it is to accommodate MEEEE!" I say this in the nicest, gentlest way possible: fuck you. This is the real world, and the real world does not work that way. And guess what? The world is not going to up and change what it is to accommodate you. You can either live in it, or you can bitch about how unfair it is. Personally, I've always found Option A the more fulfilling--but hey, you might be one of those types who really likes to complain. Good for you I guess, but take it somewhere else.
The reason this subreddit is not geared towards beta males is that this is a subreddit about how to succeed with women. If you self-describe as a "beta male," the first step towards that is changing everything you are, or at least concealing it.+++ I really really fucking hate the types of people who turn every single discussion on masculinity into a pissing contest of how alpha they are, bro, but the only thing I hate more than that is the whiny cunts who self-identify as beta males. You're just as annoyingly delusional as they are, only without any of the (possibly faked) self-confidence and with a healthy side order of "why don't girls want Nice Guys" whining thrown in for good measure.

Seriously, consider that time span. This is a process that started when I was 15-16 and continues to this very day. From your post it sounds like you've done the ol' "I'll try it once and if it doesn't work I'll go complain some more" technique. Nope. Again, success is hard work and suffering. You need to spend years working on bettering yourself.

++ That part where you say "If this is too large for someone, they probably need to go see a professional for some social help?" That's you. Unless you are in high school,++++ you are really socially underdeveloped. This is, again, not a death sentence, but it's a major issue that will make your life suck hard for a long time if you don't actively work on it--hard.

+++ This may sound unnecessarily harsh. I have no problems with beta males. If you're a beta male and you're happy, I'm happy for you. But from my experience, at least 95% of the guys who self-identify as "beta male" do so out of extreme unhappiness and lack of self-confidence. Both of which are toxic to everything /r/seduction is about.

++++ If you're in high school, you have no need to be posting on here. Everyone is an awkward, sexless loser in high school. Stop thinking you're so special that you deserve special help from your special internet friends. Wait until college, while passing the time with internet porn. Then? Let instinct take over. Tackle. Drunk. Bitches. And yes, I just included a footnote within a footnote.

EDIT: Well, that formatted like a dickhead. Asterisks clearly can't work for footnotes considering that they accidentally italicize everything, and apparently the ^ skews the formatting as well. How's the plus working?

I_cut_my_own_jib · 2012-09-05T13:37:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

wolfie1010 · 2012-09-05T15:52:17+00:00

Great post thanks for sharing that.

I bought 'Rules of the Game' by Neil Strauss and he uses an incremental 30 day action plan. It's pretty cool and uses the baby steps approach and a bunch of internal work along the way. There are lots of exercises that are not so directly about approaching women, but about starting conversations, making eye contact with ANYBODY, not just hot women. It progresses to much more daring stuff but I have had fun along the way even when it had nothing to do with seduction but more about enjoying yourself in social interactions.

I'd recommend giving it a read through at Chapters if want more small steps along the way like the good advice you got on here.

hivemind_MVGC · 2012-09-05T15:22:10+00:00

You need a therapist, not Seddit.

MrJekel · 2012-09-05T14:06:37+00:00

One of the more pernicious misconceptions that fester within reddit is that introverts, based solely on their nature, deserve to be coddled.

In a word... NO.

If you're an introvert but you want to go out and meet woman, then you don't get to say "but I can't do that because I'm an introvert." Intro/extro version is defined by what you prefer, not what you're capable (or in this case, incapable) of.

The people who can't do the introductory exercises claim it's due to introversion, but it's actually due to severe social anxiety. Playing along with their self deception does them no favors.

Exercises like the hello game, and eye color game are designed specifically for introverts who have let their social skills go to atrophy. The only way you can lose these games is to not play them, and they are as easy as they can be while still making baby steps towards improvement.

squarehouse · 2012-09-05T16:45:25+00:00

Dude. I'm an introvert. You don't understand introversion. Yet I can start conversations with strangers no problem, as long as they aren't awkward about it. But I still have the problem that, if I'm not careful, I could spend all day at home if I don't push myself to get out there, make a routine that puts me out there, meeting people, inviting people to things.

absolutebeginners · 2012-09-05T13:23:03+00:00

TL;DR OP makes excuses

D33D33 · 2012-09-05T13:02:29+00:00

Nah sorry, I used to be an "introvert" or a "Shy person". I had about 3 friends, stayed in doors playing video games 24/7 apart from school from ages 14-18, as soon as i went to uni I just grew some balls and started talking to people.

At the end of the day if you're an introvert and you come on these forums asking how to become more social or how to get girls, thats the answer, man up and do it. What's holding you back? Whats the POINT of baby steps? I've been where you've been before maybe even worse, I barely even spoke to a girl outside of someone who worked somewhere until the age of 18.

Seriously, its actually stupid to go on about baby steps and taking things 1 step at a time, there is NOTHING holding you back from just opening a girl at a bar except you're nervous and intimidated, are those any sort of barrier that wont be overcome by simply growing some balls? Open random girls for 1 hour, 1 hour of your existence which is going to last years and years and years, you're telling me 1 HOUR is too difficult and you need baby steps?

" at least not true introverts whose largest fear is talking to people they don't know"

You're afraid, its not an actual barrier stopping you lol, every single person on these forums who comes in at one point or another is intimidated by approaching women, please dont use being 'introverted' as some sort of excuse as if its a mental disability: you simply need to man up. At the end of the day, if you're an introvert and you dont want to socialise with people thats different to coming on here and asking how do I approach women? By not being an introvert and growing balls.

I may have ranted on for longer than necessary and repeated myself but your post is retarded, thats not a problem with this subreddit, thats a problem with you being a pussy and blaming it on being an 'introvert'. You're not born an introvert, there's nothing stopping you becoming more outgoing and social except fear.

Tofon · 2012-09-05T13:01:49+00:00

I used to be shy, awkward, useless, and pretty much just unsocial as fuck. I was scared shitless talking to girls. You just need to bite the bullet and do it. School should be starting soon, so just walk up to a girl in class, sit in the desk next to her, introduce yourself and start talking. Inside you might be scared shitless (I was), but the more you do it the easier it becomes.

Things to remember:

Smile. Or at least don't look all doom and gloom.
If you get stuck just ask her questions. You can start with basic things but try to branch it out. I.e. what classes are you taking? Oh you like X? Do you want to do something with X when you're older? Move away from just random facts and more into how she feels about things or what she likes or wants to do.
Even if you're not, try to appear confident. Know when it's appropriate to stop talking (especially since this is during class) and even though you'll be right next to her don't give her your undivided attention or try to talk only to her.

I did all this before I even found Reddit. You have a head start on a bunch of shit you'd end up learning the hard way.

Captain_Bassdaddy · 2012-09-05T13:09:34+00:00

Can't believe you just described introverts as beta. Now I'm not a huge fan of the whole alpha/beta terminology but you can still be introverted, like I am, and be the absolute megaboss champion. I'm a 'true' introvert. I need my recharge time after socialising and I don't like small talk (though I recognise its importance). I like to put my headphones in and go about my daily tasks often without talking to anyone. That may seem to go against seddit principles but frankly, I don't want to talk to everyone I see. When I want to talk to people though, I'll do it with ease and confidence because I'm not shy, just introverted.

Luminaire · 2012-09-05T13:19:22+00:00

The truth is at some point you have to get over your fear. If you simply can't do it alone, here are some practical ways to do it with help:

Join your local seduction community. Go out with them, and ask them to push you into sets. Look ridiculous cause you're so nervous, but get it done and feel better.
Take a public speaking class. This will help you with you're ability to talk to others. I recommend Toastmasters.
Get one-on-one training with a seduction trainer. Prices vary based on the persons notoriety. For your current level of skill, you just need someone who confident and personable, who can help push you into approaching and talk you up.
Get therapy. I'm serious. First thing, you have a negative mental image of yourself if you say being an introvert would absolutely stop you from talking to others. Even if you're shy, if you're completely unable to speak to strangers on any level, then you have fears that a professional may need to take care of. Go to a therapist, this is exactly the kind of thing they are here to help with.

ExpertOnNicheThings · 2012-09-05T13:31:10+00:00

When I was younger I was very shy and barely talked to girls. Then one day I was walking down the street when I was overseas and saw a really hot girl. I decided to ask her directions, she told me and I said thanks and moved on. I don't know why I did it, I just was sick of being where I was and I also kinda wanted to check her out again...

Somehow being overseas gave me more confidence as I knew I would NEVER see her again. Also as I had a foreign accent I found that random people were generally more kind. Then I realised in my city there was a 99.999% chance I would never see that person again, and I started to find it easier.

Once I had gotten used to this I started to get over the whole just saying hi to people and started getting into conversations, then not even thinking about it if I had to ask someone a question.

Anyway, I know that feel man, just keep at it. You'd be surprised how good it feels to get a few "hellos" under your belt.

2012-09-05T14:08:23+00:00

Introverted and beta don't go hand in hand. I bet most of the guys on here are considered introverts on a personality test, but still talk to plenty of people. I'm INTP if I remember correctly, and I talk to tons of people about random shit.

IMO: Introvert / extrovert doesn't determine your ability to talk to others. Introverts can be happy by themselves and entertain themselves easily... extroverts need that interaction with other people. It's not that it's any easier for extroverts, it's that they NEED to do that to feel happy. If anything, being introverted should allow you to give less fucks, because your happiness isn't hinged on the outcome of a given interaction. outcome independence

AhhhSharkBoy · 2012-09-05T15:13:14+00:00

You're describing extreme shyness or social anxiety bordering on a phobia, not introversion. An introvert isn't necessarily shy or has anxiety. And introvert doesn't equal beta.

2012-09-05T15:48:00+00:00

As an introvert who is neither shy nor socially awkward, please don't confuse the three. They are three different things.

Mudgetzu · 2012-09-05T16:52:40+00:00

Yea I think ranking yourself as something never helps. It's like those kids who blamed being hyper on having ADHD which was always complete bullshit ( I was diagnosed with a extreme case of it and I am calm as fuck). Just don't find shit to blame all YOUR problems on like being an introvert. That's just a lame excuse.

mrmj · 2012-09-05T16:52:55+00:00

I am not an introvert or shy but I see where OP is coming from. I am surprised at how many are putting this guy down. It doesn't hurt to break things down to very small digestible steps for some people. All I am seeing are people basically responding with hostility to the OP and saying "stop being a bitch and man up" which is exactly the useless type of advice the OP is referring to.

2012-09-05T17:20:39+00:00

I watch a lot of the Dog Whisperer. When he encounters a pet with a phobia, he'll put the animal in that situation, and just stay there. "He has to experience this, so he can get past it." When I was getting off cigarettes, that looped through my head through the most painful joneses. And for me, it really helped. I deeply hope your social phobia or whatever is not as tough as a nicotine jones was for me, because Damn! How do you apply that to a cute stranger? I dunno. But I find cute girls love vulnerability. Especially since you're not aiming to be a one night stand, but just to spend a few minutes talking.

"I'm working on my social phobia, and girls as cute as you make me pretty nervous. Would you tell me a joke if I tell you one?" "I don't know any." "OK try this one. Knock knock." "Who's there?" "How the hell should I know it's your joke."

This isn't really going that well, is it. Could you introduce me to a friend who's not quite as good looking as you, but almost?

Greenlava · 2012-09-05T17:28:02+00:00

I don't think that seddit is your cup of tea.

You should just pay $2000 for a personal PUA to train you.

You're the reason they make money.

2012-09-05T17:28:57+00:00

You're not an introvert. Introverts are fine going out but just prefer spending time alone. You're scared of going out.

2012-09-05T17:51:11+00:00

You might be an introvert, but that's no reason to assume you can't do certain stuff. You're just not comfortable doing it, but that's a whole different thing. Try to see these things as exposure therapy..

Contrary to your belief, you are not confined by what you think you can or can not do. You're effectively building you're own prison. I recommend you stop that.

tdubya84 · 2012-09-05T17:52:03+00:00

To me, an introvert, the end goal is not learning to seduce women into dating/sex, the end goal is learning to start conversation with strangers that I am sexually attracted to.

That's the same thing, if you have trouble talking to strangers you're attracted to then just talk to strangers you're not attracted to until you're comfortable in that and then push to talk to strangers you're attracted to.

Where you start isn't important, and your goals are still the same it's just that you're on a different playing field. Adjust the advice to fit the situation you're in.

SeekingAlpha · 2012-09-05T18:10:22+00:00

I am an introverted alpha-male.

captcha_wave · 2012-09-05T18:58:36+00:00

you make some good points obscured by your misuse of terminology. I am an introvert - I recharge by spending time alone. as far as I can tell, I will always be an introvert. it's not really the issue, though.

i used to have crippling social anxiety, but i've gotten over it. you're right that it takes baby steps. I started by forcing myself to look at people's eyes when they talked to me. then when that got creepy, I learned to pretend to be distracted and look away every 20s or so. I was so focused on learning these behaviors, I could barely register the actual words. my goal was simply to be able to hold a conversation without running away in shame (c-close?). forget flirting or sleeping with anyone.

I know now these are precursor seduction behaviors, but seddit doesn't really discuss these. it took a long time before i could comfortably walk up to a beautiful woman, touch her elbow in greeting, and get her so wrapped up in me, she'd forget her boyfriend was standing next to us.

EdgHG · 2012-09-05T19:41:36+00:00

Focus people. Quit arguing semantics with this guy and give him some valuable advice. He has social anxiety. Let's leave it at that. He just wants advice on how to gain the confidence that you already possess to interact with people and especially women. So when you post your ideas on here perhaps, as a side note include advice for someone like him with social anxiety.

2012-09-05T23:21:42+00:00

Sometimes you just got to jump in the god damn pool and stop thinking so much about it.

iwenttocharlenes · 2012-09-05T18:15:48+00:00

As other people have mentioned, you are not describing introversion, but shyness/social anxiety/what have you. Introverts recharge their emotional energy by being alone, while extroverts recharge their emotional energy by being around people.

Now that that is clarified, I am an introvert that used to be the shyest mother fucker around. Not kidding. I could not start a conversation for the LIFE of me.

It takes a bit of effort to get over this, over time, but you can do it. I'm not sure what exactly paralyzes you about talking to people, but I always assumed someone would talk to me if they wanted to. But if we were to ever meet, how would we ever talk?

For me, that realization helped get me started. In high school, I became very good friends with a very extroverted fellow, who I tried to emulate in social situations after I get over the saying hi to people thing and started awkward conversations. Look at how a conversationalist manages a conversation, and try and do that.

In college, I joined some clubs, which I ended up running on the board for. This put me in a situation where I was expected to be the high energy social person for the sake of the face of the organization and how it interfaces with members. Somehow this expectation made it easier for me to put on my game face.

After that, I tried going to a few networking mixers, because according to business school, networking is the thing to do. Here was a room full of strangers, all older, and I had nothing to offer them. But they expected people to be friendly and talkative, so I was. And I met some people there I've had speak at club events and things.

You're probably a smart guy. You can figure out what you need to do to help get yourself out there. If you need some help, feel free to ask me. I think, though, the stuff we learn in seddit expects a certain willingness to do things, and if you have high social anxiety, I don't think it falls on the stuff seddit teaches to get over it, necessarily--although some of it may be helpful.

theaccountijustmade · 2012-09-05T12:55:48+00:00

I sort of agree. I am somewhat quiet/shy, and anytime I ask for ways to get over this the answer is always something vague like "just do it, man" or "Talk to everyone".

If I could do that I wouldn't be asking for advice in the first place.

2012-09-05T13:08:53+00:00

As an introvert I stopped caring because I realized I chased girls for self validation and actualization not because I liked them. The one will come as long as I keep myself out there.

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-09-05T13:10:40+00:00

"Next time you go out ANYWHERE (which you should do right now), just say 'hi' and smile to ONE girl you think is attractive, then keep moving. You do this, then you analyze how it felt. Feeling game for a couple more hi's? Great, go for it! Felt too easy? Escalate to asking them a question / starting up a very small conversation. Felt nerve wracking and awkward? That's fine, you accomplished your goal. Go home, you're a winner, and repeat day after day until it becomes easy, then escalate."

Okay, so have you done that?

Tkozy · 2012-09-05T14:11:58+00:00

My problem as an introvert is conjuring things out of thin air. I can thread conversations pretty well, I can muster the balls to say ridiculous things. If we're doing some task, I can talk about that, and lead it. In a group, I can say one thing and it will steer the conversation that way, but I won't say much after. It feels as though I am in control, but it's low impact. Yet, the impression seddit gives me is that I should be domineering the conversation. When it comes to that point where everything is quiet, I can rarely conjure new topics. I'm immune to awkward silences now, but seddit has brought that stigma back for me.

AlbionRemains · 2012-09-05T14:33:11+00:00

It might be helpful to follow r/howtonotgiveafuck. They post stuff like this.

CriminalMinded · 2012-09-05T14:59:55+00:00

You can be an introvert and not be beta. As someone who used to be both, but is now only an introvert, I assure you it can be done. It sounds like you still need to do some work on your inner game. Also, those baby steps you mentioned are spot on. That's pretty well exactly how I got started, walking through the grocery store saying hi to pretty girls. I still have a very hard time approaching groups of people or being in a large social setting like a crowded club. Just keep at it, one baby step at a time.

dracthrus · 2012-09-05T15:33:55+00:00

I don't normally post here in seddit due to not going out and looking to pick up girls, so I can't give any tested ideas. But every single system for meeting people starts with approach them. Some systems have ideas in place for getting over the shyness of people in meeting others (tape a dildo to the side of your head and walk down the street), but general pickup comes after the introduction is made. a community about a topic tends to focus on the meat of the topic not the first steps, racing cars there will be very little about how to start the car but a great deal about suspension tuning and cornering.

Starting the car is step one to driving same as walking up is the someone is step one in pickup there are tons of things on here for openers and how to react to a reaction but if you can't start the car why are you talking to racers?

I know I'm not helping with giving the steps you are looking for but I'm not qualified to answer it just want to put a bit of light on why there isn't much about it here.

2012-09-05T15:38:39+00:00

On top of mixing up introversion and shyness, there is no reason why you cant adopt some extrovert traits. Its good to be able to do both. Even extroverts benefit from introverted traits.

Stop worrying about introversion/extroversion, these are just useless labels that mean nothing. Now get out there and do something! :D

legendofpasta · 2012-09-05T15:39:14+00:00

Sounds pretty beta. Read the side bar and practice.

hydrolith · 2012-09-05T15:51:24+00:00

I think you make a really good point. I think what to describe it as shyness or introversion or phobia is a little beside the point. The point I think is that there are some people, myself included ( a few years ago) that find it hard to even approach and are really just dealing with the very very first steps that some people may assume are easy to do, but maybe aren't as easy for everyone else.

I think the idea of going out and saying hi to the first attractive woman is a good piece of advice. For those who need those tiniest of baby steps, and I know I did. I would say, just going out would be step one. I had a kind of 5 for 5 system that I was working with a few years ago. If I could simply "Go Out" 5 times in a row when I had reasonable opportunities to do so, within the course of a 2 weeks, then I could move up to the next step.

The next step would be eye contact, indicators of interest, that I think is an important idea. Look not just for the women you are attracted to , but for a sign of their interest in you, and for me I used eye contact and a bit of intuition to decide if the eye contact was just a normal looking around type of thing, or if it meant they were attracted. Just eye contact alone is enough though usually. So If I could go out 5 times in a row to somewhere where I know there will be attractive women, whether campus, a busy street, grocery store, club, party, etc. Then 5 times in a row, making eye contact and finding those ioi's.

Then working on approaching, physically walking closer and having something to say that isn't a question, that can sort of test the waters for conversation. Maybe something about the music, or the party, something about the present moment that's positive. Then after that, working on physical contact...etc. touching, numbers, kisses, hugs, etc...after doing it a lot, it gets easier, but I know what you mean about needing those baby steps.

wankman · 2012-09-05T16:11:23+00:00

As an introverted type of guy, I find scouting venues to be especially important. Once you become very familiar with a place and its regular people, you can start to bring it psychologically into your 'bubble'.

intjpua · 2012-09-05T16:28:56+00:00

Every step of the journey is improved by guidance.

You are at the beginning of the journey. Your questions and the answers you need are different from those who are further along. Neither type of question and answer is wrong; they may just not be right for you at this time.

It can be productive to read about what more advanced seductions look like, so you begin to internalize right behaviors before you see them in real life. Humans can model activities, or watch others performing the action, and learn from it, so it isn't harmful to see more advanced suggestions before you're ready for them, as long as you don't let it make you nervous.

You've got some valid points, of course. When someone says, "Just be confident." that means they don't actually know what to do well enough to be offering advice on it, and you can safely ignore them. They have nothing to offer you on that particular question. Move on to the next suggestion.

There are plenty of keyboard jockeys here, playing at self-confidence and capability, and it's unfortunate. But, it's common to any community, especially one this large. I vote down the obvious keyboard jockeys, in the hopes they'll shut up and listen, go out and get some more practice, and then come back and bring with them some useful questions and useful advice. But, some folks just want the validation that an orange arrow gives them, since they aren't getting it in real life.

audiostatic82 · 2012-09-05T17:06:50+00:00

OP, there's a lot of great advice here, but I'll add two little things that may guide your approach rather than just give advice.

1) As I stated, there's a lot of really good advice written directly to you in this thread. There's some less helpful stuff too, but most of that is buried at the bottom. The thing about it is that your responses are almost entirely to people who you're disagreeing with and almost trying to put up a fight. You're coming across as saying 'I've never tried any of this, but none of it will work so stop suggesting it', which is the wrong attitude. At the end of the day, if you make a complete ass of yourself and feel embarrassed, it's just as much of a win as if things go perfectly. The point is to get out, not to get a certain result. Don't find excuses why you shouldn't listen to the advice here, after all, that's why you asked the question in the first place.

2) Social anxiety, or anxiety in any sense is simply lack of experience and comfort. The first time you give a speech it's scary. The first time you turn in a homework assignment that your mom didn't check is scary too .. but after you've done it several times a week for years, it's barely even a thought. You just do what you know how to do. Take some chances, go screw up, learn from it. Realize that being bad at something is the first step to being kind of good at something.

Other than that, don't go looking for advice if you're not willing to take any of it. If what you were currently doing was working the way you wanted, you wouldn't be here. Point is that if you want different results, you gotta do something different.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2012-09-05T17:10:02+00:00

I agree that we need to differentiate shyness with introversion. Frankly, the guys I know who talk too much and push themselves onto women do horribly with them, while the introverts just sit back and let the women come to them. It's knowing when to speak that is key.

JewChooTrain89 · 2012-09-05T17:23:05+00:00

I know you're getting down voted to oblivion in this thread but I do agree with every word you say. I have terrible social anxiety when it comes to talking to strangers. I have friends that just tell me to just grow a pair but it doesn't help it only freaks me out more. The small step approach is the way to go.

ImNotElric · 2012-09-05T17:30:11+00:00

I reccomend you read the book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman, and then learn about eye contact, body language, etc, it's pretty much empirical, but you need to start practiving right away.

afraidofalliteration · 2012-09-05T17:38:27+00:00

You keep saying you need more detailed advice than "just get out there and talk to someone" and it seems like you're looking for a detailed script that will walk you through a conversation. Those don't exist, there is no sacred ode to pussy engraved in stone somewhere that is guaranteed to to drop a woman's panties. Sure plenty of guys can share what worked for them and tell you what to do but because every person is different you won't ever be able to truly learn what works for you unless you go out there and start talking to women. Now you've previously said at this point that you need smaller steps than "just go out there" but are you really so inept that you can't figure that out on your own? In your example of smaller steps you said that you needed someone to tell you to just focus on saying hi as your one small step. Are you seriously telling me you couldn't figure out that the first small step you should take should be saying "hi"? That's just common sense, and I think you could deep down figure that out, but instead you're just letting your lack of detailed steps and introversion act like the rope around your ankle.

6PoolPwnage · 2012-09-05T17:40:39+00:00

Yeah, I agree. My co-worker is an introvert. He'll talk to you, he might even start a conversation. He's just a huge, huge nagger.

Coming from me, which I feel that you deal with shyness a lot.. It really just takes time. What helped me the most, before seddit, before advice from any PUA's was myself. I went to the gym, ran everyday for 2 years straight. I did those things for myself, loosing 50 pounds. Still going to the gym, getting all cut up and that's what drives me.

It just might be a confidence, maybe you think when you talk to people you're bothering them or something. If you do, that's a horrible analogy.. Don't link the two!

adanceparty · 2012-09-05T18:49:21+00:00

It does apply though. It's all part of getting over AA. I have high social anxiety I have been to a doctor and prescribed pills for social anxiety and extreme paranoia. Even for me it's a matter of saying enough is enough. I forced myself to a party the other day with friends and as soon as I calmed down a little I had a great time. I didn't check the clock once and the next day my friends said I was the man there. All I did was pick out people sitting alone guys or girls (I only knew a few or just sort of "knew of" most of them) I would walk over say "hey I didn't get your name? they would tell me I would introduce myself and shake their hand. Is it easy no will it ever be easy for people like us? no. But that is a very basic step. It helps in that situation I guess to have a couple friends there. Seriously though nothing different from what I did and you saying Hi to a random person. Really is just overcoming AA and yes that is just the first step. I understand where you are coming from but it's really hard for people to make it easier than that. Ask a name, give yours, shake hand. You can leave at that point if you are too uncomfortable.

creativebaconmayhem · 2012-09-05T18:57:49+00:00

OK, I understand where you're coming from and what you're saying. However, there are resources for you. There are different levels of PUA, different personalities, different speeds. A lot of the guys here are young, energetic, shy, probably in college, in a very social environment, basically. They go into high energy situations, see attractive women, and come here with some diagrams of the steps of the mating dance we do as people. I feel like you want a more relaxed setting for finding women. This is fine, but Mystery Method basics still apply here. FMAC. Find, meet, attract, close. I assume you understand that there are types of women who will not be attracted to you. Women are tribal. You still need to, once you do begin a conversation, keep them engaged, display your feathers if you will. Good stories, your passions, things to make her laugh.

If you want a couple good resources, check out Neil Strauss' Rules of the Game. The 30 day challenge is low key to start, small steps to break you in. The end challenge isn't to have a gf or fuck a hot girl, but to have a dinner party. Make some friends. That's a great basis for all seduction. You also might want to look into Juggler's stuff. He's very low key. Bookstore and art museum kind of approaches, very conversational, no gimmicky routines, just how to be charming. I once winged with a guy who took his seminar in SF, and he knew some of the motivational tricks, but he had a hard time in a friday night downtown type situation. His material is really good for building conversational skills. I don't know if you can still download masf archives of forum posts, but that's where I'd look.

mattmcegg · 2012-09-05T19:19:17+00:00

if you call yourself an introvert 15 times in a single post, you'll be an introvert.

sloppy421 · 2012-09-05T19:30:01+00:00

You have the complete wrong idea of what an introvert is.

In fact I would venture that more than half of Seddit's readers are introverts. Being introverted is wanting and needing to spend alone time. Most introverts are not socially awkward or shy, in fact they are usually quite the opposite. They just don't need to be excited by conversation, bright lights, and all the sensory overload that extroverts need to feel normal. Introverts are very comfortable with themselves and their personal time.

Next time you see a girl you want to fuck, you go say hi. It's not a loss if all you get is a hi back, there are millions of fish in the sea and you have all the tools you need to catch them inside that introverted brain of yours. In fact you've probably internalized half of the "uesless" shit you read and just don't realize it. Don't blame yourself for being introverted, embrace it. Oh and stop being a pussy.

MARSpu · 2012-09-05T19:35:28+00:00

The problem with this post is that you're categorizing yourself as a true introvert. Your ego is putting up some defence mechanisms to stop yourself from expending energy in something that it may not like.

dxdifr · 2012-09-05T20:02:54+00:00

Actual introvert here. Social anxiety is something different than introversion. The best advice is actually to go out and talk to people. It sounds harsh to say grow some balls, but that's half the battle. When talking to anyone, the penalty for failure is pretty fuckin low.

jnethery · 2012-09-05T21:10:15+00:00

It's not about introversion, it's about guts and practice. I'm introverted, but I don't blame my introversion for my lack of social aptitude, I blame my lack of practice talking to and in front of people.

I'm getting better at being social, but honestly it's taken effort and it's fucking draining. However, the work is worth it.

2012-09-05T21:12:05+00:00

I don't know man, I feel like I was in the exact situation myself from the time I was born until about Freshman or Sophomore year of highschool. What really broke me out of being shy was literally FORCING myself to talk to people and putting myself in situations where I'd be forced to talk to people. A big help to me was working at a smoothie bar for years where talking to customers well meant tips. After awhile I wasn't so much talking to people just to make tips but really just to pass the time and entertain myself. Sure I felt an idiot sometimes the conversation would die, but learning about conversation threading, for example, shot me form a place a year ago when I had no friends and no dates to a place where I have dozens of friends and am always out for doing things, either going out by myself or with friends. Life is so much better.

EvolutionTheory · 2012-09-05T21:17:45+00:00

You do not describe a problem with Seddit. Seddit is an aggregation of personal posts and links from around the global seduction community. The Seduction community has many resources for dealing with what you're mentioning. One such tool you could use would be a self post on Seddit describing your issue and asking for specific help.. oh wait, you just did that? So then Seddit is helping you in the manner it was designed?

Second, you are not understanding the advice you're given. This is not the fault of the advice or the advice giver, it is your error for not seeking clarification. The first step of overcoming social anxiety is to literally place yourself in the situations which make you uncomfortable.. social situations for example.

If you personally have the need to work from the most comfortable social situation to the least comfortable, instead of throwing yourself into the deep end of the pool.. that's fine. You have recognized your issue and the necessary steps. The advice was still accurate. You are projecting fault onto a community and a medium where you already understand the advice and how to integrate it, but feel there should be a more basic and easily understood hand-holding process. Seddit is not a step by step support group, like.. for example, Neil Strauss's Style Academy or something similar. If you need more specific advice, ask.. like you just sort of did with this post of yours.

Third, there are many resources in the community on ways to take baby steps into social interaction. Define your need more clearly, as you've done now in the form of a complaint, and then wait for the responses and continue to define your need until you have an answer.

You're wanting your hand held through this whole process, and perhaps your complaint should be the Seddit community did not hold your hand as tightly as you wished? That is indeed not a prerogative of this forum when approached from the perspective you have presented.

GigaAFC · 2012-09-05T21:45:13+00:00

I totally agree, I'm a typical 22y/o AFC. The other day I bought some meat from the butchery. The 16 year-old girl behind the counter served me, I said "having a good day so far?", she said "It's been alright." I said "Better than bad!" She smiled. I felt good.

This is as far as I take interactions with strangers. I barely even join in the office banter with my co-workers.

reddstudent · 2012-09-05T21:46:42+00:00

Alright sir, Brad P had a great set of 18 exercises with the exact program you need to overcome shyness and experience social freedom (well, that's the name of it and it worked for me). It seems some kind soul has put it on scribd: http://www.scribd.com/doc/7651901/Brad-P-Approach-Anxiety-and-Social-Freedom

Arigot · 2012-09-05T21:51:51+00:00

To me, an introvert, the end goal is not learning to seduce women into dating/sex, the end goal is learning to start conversation with strangers that I am sexually attracted to.

You do realize that the goal of talking to people you're sexually attracted to is getting them to date/have sex with you, right?

2012-09-05T22:08:23+00:00

everytime i chime in on seddit, i like to focus on the mindset and self-development. A lot of rhetoric can be employed to discussing how to achieve a certain confidence, and for some, "GET THE FUCK OUT THERE AND DO IT" works really well. It's a mantra that needs to be repeated, even bruce lee had one when he ruined his back and they told him he couldn't fight anymore, he simply wrote "Walk On" on his business cards and left them everywhere in his house. When Bruce came across "Walk On" he hit the floor and started body-weight excercises. He ended up being the biggest and strongest he had ever been. Mantra's help, despite how asinine and inapplicable it may seem sometimes. another thing to consider is that you don't need to be the one approaching, the people can and will approach you. live a life where your concerns are not of your high social anxieties but what's in front of you, of things that you like to do, want to get good at, have a curiosity for. Seek confidence not in your interactions but the activies and objects that garner respect, excitement and passion from you. Let those things that you become good at, that you care about, that you want to achieve become the bridge between yourself an another individual. This surpasses the need to be good at "empty" interactions. This allows you to play off your opinions, your education and your own intensities.

I_cut_my_own_jib · 2012-09-05T22:18:19+00:00

I don't know where the post is, but I read a post by TofuTofu (I think) on here that was a great idea for what you're describing. It was basically a broken down list of goals to try to accomplish over a month or so, starting with asking 5 strangers for the time. If you could hunt it down, it would be something you would likely be interested in.

Nick_Dipples · 2012-09-05T22:40:40+00:00

You, sir, are quite the badass for posting this. I've been feeling the same way about this whole sub reddit. So, yeah, thanks. It's tough for those of us who aren't really into the whole "talking to other people" thing.

hhmmmm · 2012-09-05T22:45:01+00:00

After one can comfortably do that, I feel its just a natural progression to dating/intimacy.

A dangerous mistake to make.

This assumption frustrated me for a long time. I got (still get a bit tbh) AA but it's only ever been when I've gone to speak with the intent to hit on a girl. I've always been able to shut that down and talk away and charm by knowing I wont hit on a girl and speak to girls I was completely into easily,knowing I wouldn't escalate. Looking back I see so many missed opportunities because it didn't progress naturally.

This is incredibly frustrating. It's also prime unrequited love/oneitis/friendzone (i hate that last term for a bunch of reasons) territory if you are doing it with people in/around your social circle you might have regular contact with.

This is because you chat to, laugh with and have fun with a girl in much the same way you do with someone you would be romantically involved with, but without the romantic involvement. So you'll fall for them and they will have no idea, they won't see you as a sexual person etc because you've not made any moves.

You have to push it; speaking to someone and hitting on them are different things, related but different.

2012-09-05T22:47:01+00:00

As someone who is an introvert, shy among strangers, and with social anxiety (hell, just plain anxiety, social or otherwise), all I can say is ... Word, bro.

Whata_Turkey · 2012-09-05T22:48:56+00:00

People on Reddit, and yes I've seen several posts about introversion on reddit lately, seem to think being an introvert is some sort of disease and they use it as an excuse for EVERYTHING.

You are not special. You're not some mystical creature they call an "introvert". You're not good in social situations because you were never taught to be for whatever reason. So yes its going to be very hard and uncomfortable no matter what. No one needs to handle you with kid gloves. You have to do the work. You have to really want it. You have to force yourself..really FORCE yourself to do things and you have to live wit hthe fact that you're going to fail and be EXTREMELY uncomfortable for a lot of the time. You dont have the skills to effectively and smoothly deal with women/people, but you can learn it. You dont have some disease or condition.

Also if you know the things you're not good at, and you need THAT tiny of steps, then I think you can come up with that yourself. We don't need 100 posts on this forum with things like "Ok, heres the hot tip/technique of the day guys. Make general eye contact with 2 people today." You know what your deficiencies are..dedicate yourself to fixing them. No one can do it for you

fartuckyfartbandit · 2012-09-05T23:32:12+00:00

The problem with seddit, is that the majority of people here are exactly what you are, and are therein giving advice to other people struggling in the land of seduction. There's very little proof of expertise and on top of that for every great bit of information I read, there's bound to be 30 or so misconstrued or misrepresented theories or anecdotal conclusions being brandied about like fact and the sheep are following.

It's also over the past year because of the population demographics it has become less and less about racking up clunge and more about personal growth. Which is fine, the self-help movement is huge, even in the laws of attraction, but at the end of the day this should be about seducing women (edit, or people!) and very little of the content here is actually a derivative of that. Two sects are in this subreddit, and most of them are more akin to something like /r/selfhelp then seduction.

Don't get me wrong. Everyone starts somewhere. And 5 years ago, I was probably in a worse place then you. But Seddit in general fosters a very laissez faire vibe and likely will not be beneficial to the masses. Sure, you'll get success stories, of ugly duckling naturals, who's confidence from reading about how someone fat and stupid got a perfect 10, but if you dug deep down and polled everyone who uses this subreddit, very few are actually getting to down to business and exploring the art of seduction because they aren't putting in the actual work. Their theories are sound, they know the phrases and terms, they can tell you exactly how to woo a girl, but never go out and actually try it and therefore have failed. What seddit actually reminds me of is a complete spectrum swap of what was happening from like 2008-2011 (and it still happens, but not as much in pua circles) where dudes talk on forums about strategies and never do shit, it's just back then it was all about "the game" and loser pickup magic and shit--whereas now it's the same but we're more in tune with our emotions. We've traded in douche for pussy.

funkmasterfelix · 2012-09-05T23:47:54+00:00

nothing is set in stone. my buddy was the image of an introvert. He even took the Meyers-Briggs prior to engaging fieldwork and has the score to prove his natural tendency toward introversion. 5 years of work later and he is an extrovert (again corroborated by a Meyers-Briggs score). human brains and minds are exceptional for their plasticity. experience reshapes them.

chad1312 · 2012-09-06T00:00:10+00:00

You have the best username ever.

2012-09-06T00:38:08+00:00

sigh and so seddit falls... The whole point of seddit is seduction so your missing the point ...of your that bad refer to basic basic basic stuff but your struggle really isn't the point of this sub reddit or really that important sorry but it's true

k1ngk0ngwl · 2012-09-06T01:42:38+00:00

I am on the fence with what you say. In general, seddit can overcomplicate things, but the guiding principles are fairly simple. here are a few things I think everyone in seddit should know.

It doesn't matter if you are a good guy or a bad guy.

Bars are the worst places to meet people.

In order to build confidence, find something you like to do and become very good at it. Tap into your passion. It will overflow into the rest of your life.

Being able to invoke an emotional response in people is where the difference lies between you and people who are successful at all this stuff. If you can invoke a strong emotional response in a girl (often, even if it is negative) they respond. It isn't just women you want to have sex with. It is everyone. If you are a nice guy, you won't be invoking the same emotions, but those emotions can still be powerful.

So, if you really want to practice your baby steps, don't worry about saying "Hi." Worry about invoking an emotion. Stare her in the eyes with a half smile and wait for her to turn away. Make a game of seeing how far you can get into a social interaction without saying even one word. Forget trying to intellectualize the process. That is where everyone here fails.

2012-09-06T02:31:31+00:00

You clearly have fear of socializing. You say that the advice doesn't apply to you, but really that's just you rationalizing being unable to overcome your own fears. But in reality it's actually the perfect advice for you, since by going out there and exposing yourself to the cruel, heartless world of social dynamics, you get hurt, and in the end you learn. Ultimately, seddit teaches its subscribers that there is nothing to fear but fear itself, and by the advice that it gives, helps people to overcome their fears by facing them.

AYWMS_NWiam · 2012-09-06T03:45:34+00:00

Another option to consider is having an extreme but fragile ego. Putting yourself on such a high pedestal that you won't allow yourself to be in a situation where you can look stupid or lame. Fear of embarrassment is much more common than being introverted. I heard this redefinition recently and knew immediately I was not introverted or shy. People have just always told me I was so I went with it because it was easier to face. I am an alpha but I don't act like it because my ego is huge yet flimsy.

As for your post, i would make a small goal. Like going out and having a short, two line conversation with X number of different people then go home or somewhere comfortable and not think about it. Not thinking about it is key because it won't get stuck in your long term memory and then come back to bite you in the future. That is the main problem with introverts or shy people or whatever. They attach long term anxiety to meaningless interactions by thinking about them excessively in a negative manner. If you must think about it, don't be negative.

erchlt · 2012-09-06T03:50:10+00:00

This is the stupidest thing I've read all day.

2012-09-06T04:34:19+00:00

Shy is a choice. Just try coming out of your shell little by little. Behaviour can be altered. Being shy is just bad behaviour that you can change slowly, over time.

You want success? Make measurable progress in reasonable time.

erosaru44 · 2012-09-06T06:06:11+00:00

As an introvert that does not have high anxiety, I just don't always know the right protocol when meeting people. This is an excellent post and it has been something I have come to realize not too long ago.

http://imgur.com/FZ62M

fr33runner · 2012-09-06T07:45:09+00:00

I understand where u are totally coming from. I was like that before. Basically kept to myself and was extremely shy with the opposite sex and people in general. I'd go to college and go home being content to play videogames. I was a late bloomer. But it got to a point I was thinking to myself at this rate I will never kiss a girl if I don't do something about it. I made it a priority to put myself out there more. Now this didn't exactly happen over night but took a couple of years till I finally found the confidence. Once I found my groove good things started to happen.

ShamwowTseDung · 2012-09-06T08:11:34+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

jasenlee · 2012-09-05T12:32:33+00:00

My problem with seddit is you need a dictionary to understand half the acronyms.

Aurelean · 2012-09-05T15:32:51+00:00

So I read the first couple lines and the first thing that came to mind was "man the fuck up pussy". You're scared of approaching people because you have self esteem issues. I don't know if it's because you're ugly, fat, or mommy beat you, and it doesn't make a goddamn difference. If you're ugly, dress well and be witty. If you're fat, drag your fat ass to the gym and haul it until it's gone. If mommy hit you, see a therapist.

The only problem with seddit is that there is so much great info here and people want to make baby bullshit excuses not to get shit done. Don't be one of those people.

2012-09-05T13:00:21+00:00

there is a difference between shyness and introversion. as an introvert most of my conversation is borderline social manipulation.

nnocor · 2012-09-05T13:09:56+00:00

I lurk more then post. But these beginners posts are getting me down. Read the side bar, crack some actual books if you need more info (Double your dating-perfect for you). No one cares about your excuse, come with problems in the feild, not asking directions how to get there.

2012-09-05T14:12:43+00:00

My problem with Seddit is I don't trust the OP, which is the case with all of Reddit to be honest. I don't know if the stories and advice are coming from people who tried and had successes or just fat old virgins who are lying to get their karma hit. No offense to anyone but I've seen a lot of bullshit liars on Reddit and I can't help but suspect there may be a few in Seddit.

2012-09-05T15:25:21+00:00

As a once severely depressed, shy, and introverted person, don't make this an excuse to not find your happiness. "You gotta have balls?!" You are ready have balls my friend, now it's just time to engage others as a human being. I do agree with you that you have to start small. Small steps repeated, yield great gains. It's a journey. Rome wasn't built in a day, and you're not going to expect to walk out of the house the next day, and become a Lv. 100 social butterfree. I wouldn't even focus of asking for numbers yet, but just basic talking. Like at a counter of a gas station, just ask the clerk, "Have yall been busy today?" At the gym. "Man I need to work on my calfs do you know any good workouts for those?" Ongoing open-ended questions, followed with a genuine care and attention to their answer. On and up.

Hurensohn · 2012-09-05T17:12:53+00:00

Sounds like you might be interested in this TED Talk:

http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

ThisisIp · 2012-09-05T19:39:35+00:00

All of the people bashing you are just Alphas who don't understand what it feels like to be shy and awkward, call it introverted, shy, aspergers, a rose by any other name right? They're missing the point that even finding the balls to open your mouth and stutter out a friendly greeting can take hours to muster up the courage, and often you miss your opportunity. You've probably already seen it but leodoestheopposite has great advice for anyone who sympathizes with the post.

D33D33 · 2012-09-05T18:43:50+00:00

tl;dr: grow a pair.

iedaiw · 2012-09-05T13:48:10+00:00

Introverts arent really shy by nature!

Honestly. no. you come of as a whiny little bitch. your describing social anxiety but blaming it on your "nature". Man up please, THATS the first step.

Oh and when were on this topic, i find that introverts tend to have self-improvement as the end goal. Where extroverts tend to have social proof and status as the end goal.

2012-09-05T15:11:55+00:00

You need to get out of your comfort zone.

You are using your introversion as an excuse for your inability to socialize.

Introversion means that you process your world primarily as within yourself and extroversion means that you process the world as outside yourself.

Introversion does NOT mean you hide in a shell.

n0ggy · 2012-09-05T15:19:47+00:00

The problem with introverts is that they don't accept that life is full of barriers you have to overcome.

You have to overcome your fear when you're learning how to ride a bike, how to ski, how to drive, how to pass an exam. You can't just say "I'm an introvert" as an excuse for not putting yourself out of your comfort zone. Is that unfair ? Yes. But the sheetah can't just say "I'm lazy" as an excuse not to hunt either. That's life.

If you are extremely shy, you shouldn't focus on dating right now. You should try being less insecure in your everyday's life. I think it's pretty safe to say that you're not exactly an extrovert with men and people you don't want to date either, right ?

Why don't you get out of your comfort zone with men first ? Start asking for directions to strangers in the street. Try making friends with dudes you don't know at a party. Then you'll try to be friends with girls at a party. And in the end, the step from where you are to "asking a girl out" will be less terrifying and easier to overcome.

I know that being alone makes you want to rush thing, but don't. Plus, proceeding that way could get you a girlfriend quicker than you know. A social person is more attractive, and being friends with people will attract women.

afkyle · 2012-09-05T20:37:55+00:00

i'm an introvert and you're making me look bad.

social anxiety is social anxiety, and correlates with introversion, but it is perfectly possible to be introverted without being socially anxious.

this post is not about introversion at all.

williedatx · 2012-09-05T21:30:47+00:00

It's easy......stop calling yourself a fucking introvert and go talk to people.

SharkDoctor · 2012-09-05T21:50:20+00:00

You suck.

For every day that you try and take one tiny step, there is someone who tries to take 10 giant leaps.

Even if you succeed everyday and he fails ninety nine percent of the time At the end of the year he is going to have made huge improvements to himself, his outlook, and his situation. At that same time you will have smiled at many more girls and remain still choked by the boundaries of your comfort zone.

peachpua · 2012-09-05T14:23:52+00:00

You need to stop self-identifying as a "beta" or an "introvert". These are meaningless, over-generalized labels and it is nothing but a self-limiting belief.

You're giving yourself an excuse for being an under socialized pussy and truly the only way to overcome it is to "just get out there."

VoyPerdiendo · 2012-09-05T23:58:42+00:00

You're a fucking pussy making excuses. WHY IS THIS CRAP ON THE FRONT PAGE????

Title	My problem with Seddit
Author	I_cut_my_own_jib
Upvotes	337
Comments	263
Date	September 5, 2012 12:00 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ze0mt/my_problem_with_seddit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-problem-with-seddit.1338698 https://theredarchive.com/post/1338698

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