Is it worth getting married?

upvotersfortruth · 2024-10-10T03:21:23+00:00

No links, no "should I get married" posts.

DriverMysterious9505 · 2024-10-10T02:51:45+00:00

Marriage is a luxury, which made most men living beyond his means.

SighRamp · 2024-10-10T02:44:35+00:00

Women usually have every reason to get married if she no longer feels that spark down the road she can walk and take half your shit at least. I’m shocked more women aren’t trying harder to get married instead gettin fake likes and sleeping with tons of dudes. Some of them have no clue.

SighRamp · 2024-10-10T02:42:53+00:00

If you have to ask you know the answer. If she makes more or as much and no way she will quit her job after marriage that’s about as good as you can get. Also buy home prior to marriage.

No_Pen_3200 · 2024-10-10T01:11:17+00:00

I think it depends on the person. But the t wasn’t worth it for me.

probebeta · 2024-10-10T00:18:23+00:00

Just because a bunch of us are divorced and have been burned doesn't necessarily mean marriage is a bad thing. I never cared for it, especially having government in your house, but a good wife can complement your life in a way no one can, bring you kids. Not getting married for me it's eating ramen and donairs for dinner, revolving door at your new home. You know what... I like it! I do whatever I want with my time. But even that can get old. If you find someone that respects you and brings you peace, it might be worth keeping her around. Hard to believe I'm saying this, but I did.

team_starfox3 · 2024-10-09T23:29:59+00:00

It's a gamble especially in this day and age.

You roll the dice and lose or win big.

A good marriage is, I would argue, one the most valuable things and relationships anyone could ever want.

But if you miss, it's nit heart breaking, it's soul wrenching.

Be mindful of you want to be married to and prepare yourself to be the best you can.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-10-09T23:26:41+00:00

Thought I would never to it. Never say never. Been married for a year and I love it. Luckiest man in the world. So much luck involved. Godspeed.

Wolfjak · 2024-10-09T23:21:08+00:00

I’ve posted this before, but I believe it’s worth repeating.

Marriage has undergone drastic changes in the last 50 years. What used to be a life-long commitment, unbreakable barring the most severe circumstances, has been relegislated into something entirely new thanks to the lobbying efforts of radical feminists and the divorce industry. In trying to make divorce “fail-safe” for homemaker or lower-earner spouses, the bad ones included, society has made marriage “unsafe” for virtually everyone else.

Marriage was a worthy goal for a man about 50 years ago. Today, not so much. Some things changed in our culture: legalized abortion, no-fault divorce, domestic violence laws and the concept of marital rape. The changes themselves were not wrong, except the principal benefactor of these changes are modern women.

And modern women have a sense of entitlement that is not possible to satisfy. They expect to have it all - and they are being told that they should have it all - that their whim and feelings are most important. Somehow they expect to juggle a marriage, career, parenting and social life with no hassle - and when it doesn’t work, the husband is the first to suffer. We live in a world where arguing with your wife is considered emotional abuse, telling her that she is spending too much is being a control freak, and wanting regular sex is misogyny. These same women cannot cook, clean or handle the kids without stressing out, but we men are expected to make it better.

Women are taking advantage of men in every way possible, and the government is enforcing this scrupulous behavior. To sum the current circumstance: women have choices, men have responsibilities. Marriage only benefits women. Men accept all of the risk. Marriage amounts to a no-win struggle of mutually assured disappointment.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. – Charles Schwab

Marriage today has the potential to be the most damaging decision a man can make in his life – it’s a legal extortion scheme. You’re betting a woman half your net worth that you’ll love each other forever. Marriage is handing a woman an axe, then putting your head on a chopping block in the trust that she won’t cut it off. It’s not reciprocal. The modern state of matrimony has become the legal equivalent of gambling. Getting married is like betting half your stuff she won’t cheat on you. No matter what she contributed, or did not contribute to the marriage, half of your stuff is hers. If you are not married, she has no claim on your assets, nor you on hers. That fact alone makes rejecting marriage the smartest financial move a man can make, and lets you avoid career slavery. Marriage used to be a business and social partnership for the accumulation and conservation of wealth and the raising of children. Now marriage is the new retirement pension for modern women, rewarding them for breaking a contract. A woman that won’t take your name in a marriage will gladly take your house in a divorce. You can get the same effect of marriage by selling your house, giving all your money away and have someone castrate you. There is no incentive for men to get married. Society has stacked the deck against men in modern marriage.

Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like I love you so much I’m gonna get the government involved so you can’t leave. – Jim Carrey

onajourney13 · 2024-10-09T23:01:50+00:00

Falling in love was the best thing that ever happened to me. It transformed my life, making everyday things amazing.

It’s only hard when it doesn’t last.

Those who find true love and keep it are truly lucky 🙌🏼

I’d fall in love a thousand times if I had the energy and resources. Now, I’m working to avoid the same mistakes and build a better future. I miss her every day and still don’t know how or when I truly lost her. I know women can be both mean and the nicest. It’s on us what we bring out in them. We all married, and that speaks for itself someone trusted us, but somewhere, things went wrong.

I wish I still had my wife, but that’s in the past. I’m living alone like most guys here, just trying hard not to turn BITTER, even though it feels almost impossible. But we’ve got to try, and I truly believe it’s the only way to find love again, possibly for the rest of our lives, this time.

Good luck ❤️‍🩹🙏🏼✨

Betteroffalone1111 · 2024-10-09T22:24:41+00:00

Watching how my ex wife changed from being a gf to a wife will forever scarred me from getting married again

DifferentCup1605 · 2024-10-09T22:18:09+00:00

f-this-im-out · 2024-10-09T22:14:29+00:00

There is no reason to invite the government into your personal relationship. There is zero upside for the high earner.

I used to belive that getting married was the right thing to do if you want to start a family, now I’ve come to realize you can have a family with out marriage and very little actually changes.

Grand_Alps9214 · 2024-10-09T21:18:38+00:00

And to piggy back off this. Is it even worth it to have kids?

Divorced. Not sure!

techrmd3 · 2024-10-09T21:04:10+00:00

I think it is worth getting married in most places in the world actually.

But strangely it seems very very bad to get married in Aus, US, Canada and UK these days.

In most places in the world there is not a community concept of shared Marital Assets. So if a woman wants a divorce she cannot by default have claim to a man's assets.

I'm fine with marrying a woman in an area of the world where there is severe penalties to a woman exiting a Marriage. In the US for example if your state mandates Alimony for long term marriages... then the State is almost bribing the wives after 10 years to exit the Marriage. Not good.

sidhaarthm · 2024-10-09T21:00:05+00:00

Never again, thanks.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2024-10-09T20:32:07+00:00

Unless you’re going to have children of your own, absolutely not.

The marriage contract is one of the few where the parties involved are both subservient to the state. With no-fault divorce being the norm, the party who ultimately cares the most is the one who loses. Your spouse can be a serial cheater and still walk away with half your shit and child support and leave you picking up the pieces of your life for years after.

THX1138-22 · 2024-10-09T20:31:23+00:00

By the way, this website "maleofthefuture.com" has a lot of really bad advice and takes a very simplistic view of the world. I would think twice about what you read there. (I'm a middle-aged male and would not want my boys to behave like this)

Melodic-Grapefruit-4 · 2024-10-09T21:01:55+00:00

lol no.

GarbanzoBenne · 2024-10-09T20:24:57+00:00

IMO there's a lot of value in marriage but we need a course correction on what marriage is all about. For the past few decades we've been going down this psychological road that people need to do what makes them happy, yet no one seems to know how to be happy. Therapists help people explore what they want and then encourage them to do it, under the false belief this will make them happy. So people break relationships, act selfish, hurt others, then--surprise--they aren't actually any happier.

The biggest example here is that marriage counseling is horribly ineffective. The idea is usually that they help spouses communicate better, which results in being better at fighting, but not actually working together to help each other meet shared goals.

I don't think we should get back to the marriages of our grandparents that were about staying together through abuse and misery. But we really need a reset where both spouses feel societal pressure to be responsible for their part of the relationship and see divorce as the option of last resort.

Responsibility has gone out the window and it needs to come back.

THX1138-22 · 2024-10-09T20:22:28+00:00

I think marriage has a lot of benefits and is worth it in order to have kids...with the right partner. As others have mentioned, a woman who has traits like "respect, empathy, dealing with adversity calmly, and good listening skills." I would add to that she should also bring joy into your life. I hope my sons get married.

One way to assess if she is the right person is to ask for a prenup. Many women will get upset and try to shame you into declining a prenup. You have just learned that they are not the right woman to marry, consider yourself lucky, and move on quickly. She needs to hire her own lawyer and you need to hire your own lawyer, otherwise it will likely be invalid. Since women now earn more than men in the <30 age range, you can say that the prenup will protect her as well since she may out-earn you.

This_Train340i · 2024-10-09T20:02:23+00:00

Not worth it. A man would have to be a fool nowadays to get a marriage license from the state and consent to its de facto prenup which will screw him over royally when his wife decides she is no longer happy. Pro tip: you can't make a woman happy.

VariousScallion8597 · 2024-10-09T19:30:58+00:00

We need to start coming to a consensus on this point: marriage in 2024 is for producing children and a family. Period.

That is the only reason to get married. If you aren't getting kids, there is ZERO reason to marry. Since the child is the only reason to marry you must paternity test your first child immediately. You dont have to tell her but you have to do it. Also children must come within the first year of marriage. Do not marry a woman and live with her for 5 years while you decide to have kids. She can cheat you at any point and give kids to another guy while enjoying your money.

And finally marriage is NOT for life. It is for a few decades. Plan to die alone. She's not going to stay. Do not make her your world. She is your wife. You made a deal to protect and provide in exchange for legacy and support and sex. You will come to love her because that's how emotionally healthy men are but do not weren't the same in return.

Last point, you need a prenup and you need to talk to a lawyer about securing your assets the second you meet a woman you are considering. You must protect your future because as I said you will probably be alone at the end. She won't be. She's never alone.

No-Ground1625 · 2024-10-09T19:01:00+00:00

No. Partner for life.

Particular_Mix_4160 · 2024-10-09T18:41:19+00:00

If you’re young and you’re wanting to start a family, then maybe it’s worth the risk. But understand this: The risk is great! What we’re talking about is a legal judgment against you where you can lose all your possessions, your rights to your children, and your future income.

I’ve done it. Been through the divorce and I can honestly say that I’m not brave or stupid enough to do it again.

If you’re not young or looking to raise a family, DO NOT GET MARRIED!

OkEmphasis5923 · 2024-10-09T18:09:42+00:00

Commitment to one another is good, marital laws are not. Legal marriage incentivizes shitty behavior and punishes responsible behavior.

Stand on the beach and say I do, call each other husband and wife, don't live in a common law state and don't ever sign a marriage certificate.

One-Donkey-9418 · 2024-10-09T17:59:32+00:00

I'm gonna say no. It's a financial agreement just like a divorce. Too many options for the spouse to cheat nowadays, let them be free to ruin someone else. Make money, have friends and hobbies, be single, be happy.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-10-09T17:40:52+00:00

If you want kids then absolutely yes marriage is worth it.

But for the life of me I cannot understand why men get married or remarried when kids are off the table.

Kids are the one and only upside of marriage for a man. If she is not going to give you kids, and kids very shortly after marriage, then do not give her wife privileges.

Nothing worse than a man who gets divorced with no kids, and has to do it all over again to have the kids he does want.

Main takeaways are: 1) Marriages are not forever, despite what vows you take. One or both of you will outgrow the other partner and want to move on....and that is completely ok.

2) Choose a wife who will make a great co-parent. You will be co-parents far longer than you will ever be romantic partners. If she bad mouths exes do not marry, because one day you will be her ex.

3) Don't get bent out of shape over money list when you do divorce. Until you can push a kid out of your asshole it is the best investment you will ever make. Just don't be that guy who loses it all with no kids to show for it.

4) After divorce do not get remarried. You already have your kids (if you followed the above) so there is no upside to it for us men. Enjoy your kids and live an amazing life. Date and have your fun when your kids are with mom. Your kids do not want a bonus mom, step siblings, or half siblings....they want a stable home and a kickass dad.

deep66it2 · 2024-10-09T17:40:03+00:00

Having been married quite a # of years. Not only NO; but F* NO! CYA at every point. Not worth all the BS over time.

embarrasing_right · 2024-10-09T17:22:12+00:00

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Women have become so self important. They think they are some sort of prize that needs to constantly be “won”. It’s fascinating to see how quickly feminism has utterly evaporated their value as far as meaningful relationships go. I’d love a loving caring relationship but the trade off just isn’t worth it.

sooperunknown7 · 2024-10-09T17:19:46+00:00

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-10-09T17:00:07+00:00

Only if you want to have children - women are unlikely to have children with you otherwise. Other than that, no point. But even in this case have low expectations and understand that nothing motivates her to have dignity and respect for you. You are likely to lose a lot.

ABBucsfan · 2024-10-09T16:58:27+00:00

There are three main reasons to cohabitate (whether you out want to call it married or not.. some jurisdictions don't have any real difference)

Feel good hormones and secure safe sex - can also change very quickly.. personally it's the only place for sex morally,.but if that's not an issue it may actually be worse in a marriage

Raising a family - I personally think kids should ideally be raised in a secure marriage where there is that commitment

Financial - risk/reward, things are easier with two incomes but are you willing to divorce if they suddenly stop working? That's very expensive by itself. Personally I'd have been better financially if I'd never married

The biggest thing is if having a family is important and a stable place for your kids. You take that off the table and it's pretty hard for me to really advocate for it.. pretty much just other Christians who can't control their hormones and after they've hopefully done everything they could to vet them. For anyone I'd recommend seeing what kind of family they come from and getting perspective from your own family.. ideally before becoming too invested. Otherwise don't even cohabitate.

I suspect many of these studies that claim married men live longer are skewed from divorced men who went through hell in their divorces. It's supposed to be worse than many things like smoking and you're never the same

euphramjsimpson · 2024-10-09T16:51:04+00:00

It definitely can be devastating financially and emotionally to get divorced. And it is not good for children.

I think it's worth it to do once. I meant my marriage vows more than anything else I've ever undertaken in my life. She changed her mind after 17 years and two kids. It really sucks to have brought that dishonor on my kids, my family, and myself, but I feel like I would be a liar on top of that dishonor to do it again while she is alive.

jacare_o · 2024-10-09T16:48:03+00:00

Short answer, no.

Marriage is a financial contract. It is disadvantageous to sign this contract with someone who doesn't earn as much as you, especially when they can stop the marriage at any time when they feel like it and get half of the wealth earned during marriage. Also, if you dutifully did your best at work, while the other person stayed the mostly at home and with the kids, you will be punished by losing the kids and having to pay child support and alimony.

Learn from the stories on this sub.

If you want to have a family, to ensure that you get fair treatment, move to a state that gives 50-50 custody (KY is the only state that gives default 50-50, but there are others that are close) and have a long term relationship without marriage.

TCH_1971 · 2024-10-09T16:39:09+00:00

No! Not anymore. Women fall out of love quickly, and women cheat like crazy these days because it is so easy for them to find a willing partner. I am married now (#2, #1 cheated), but if this doesn't work out, I will never do it again.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-10-09T16:38:21+00:00

You can have a ring, ceremony, kids, call each other husband and wife without legally marrying. That would be my path if I could do it all over again.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2024-10-09T16:32:42+00:00

Consider it as the most valuable investment into your future And, within your lifetime you just have few attempts

Hence: 1) Does this person bring enough to the table to change your lifestyle? 2) Is this person willing to commit as much as you or better more into this relationship? 3) Is this person mature? Are you mature? Will this person go for a major longterm downgrade for you? 4) Are you on same page with financial responsibility? Are both of you willing to carry it solely in case of adversity? 5) Can this person emotionally regulate her/himself in case of adversity? 6 ) Are there topics you are afraid to talk to make your partner mad? 7) Does this person manipulate you into lifestyle u cant afford? Do they think about your financial state of things? 8 ) Does your family and friends recognize her as a solid partner? 9) Are all stories straight and clear about background of your partner?

If you are not stating yes to any of these, you better re-think. Probably your marriage/relationship will be a repeat of your previos atory

hazalo9 · 2024-10-09T16:27:24+00:00

Marriage is just a legal document that states your assets will be shared. It's literally a contract and if you are the breadwinner, alimony and keeping your home you worked for will be a nightmare. Would you sign a contract with someone with a 50% risk of failure and if you do fail you lose at least 50% of assets plus paying them alimony checks from your paycheck every week? This is my point of view and just telling you the risks cause I've been through it. Think hard about it and make the decision that best suits you. Good luck bro!

CaliDude75 · 2024-10-09T16:22:47+00:00

I know a lot of guys in this subreddit are in the “never again” camp, but I’m not. But my first marriage and divorce taught me to look for things this time around. Namely, respect, empathy, dealing with adversity calmly, and good listening skills.

Still undecided whether or not I’ll do a prenup, but leaning toward it. I’ve met someone I really like, who I feel “gets” me, and I can be myself around. Going on a week-long trip with her in a few weeks. I think the trip will determine if we’re truly a good fit for each other or not.

Long story short, you just need to decide what’s important to you, clearly communicate your needs and wants, and see if you’re aligned. Infatuation and lust fades. Your core values are what remains.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2024-10-09T16:20:40+00:00

I’m too jaded right now to answer that.

BlindSpoiledPotato · 2024-10-09T16:16:21+00:00

I think so, I don’t regret it at all despite how it’s still ending.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-10-09T16:15:11+00:00

Pre divorce I’d say you can’t be afraid to live. Post divorce I say girls are happier as girl friends🤣

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-10-09T16:13:50+00:00

It seriously depends on severe vetting, which the majority of western males have been “taught” no to do, because we have been “taught” all women are “sugar, and spice and everything nice.”

This has cause society to place women on a pedestal.

What a lot of us will tell you is that you need to be ruthless in vetting a woman. You need a pre-nup (which most jurisdictions will discard once children enter the picture), and you should place all pre-marital assets of value into a trust.

Never tell yourself, “she’d never do that”, because statistics prove otherwise.

BanjoKfan64 · 2024-10-09T16:12:26+00:00

I think it is, you just got to be with the right person...I married my Ex Wife because I had gone 3 years without dating and honestly just let the fact that someone liked me as my reason. I saw red flags while dating, but again I was oblivious. Now I know what I am looking for and want.

Everyone is different, but don't let other per sway you. If you want too then go for it.

azwildcat74 · 2024-10-09T16:10:35+00:00

Answer your own question - what would YOU personally stand to gain by getting/being married?

Title	Is it worth getting married?
Author	western_poet1
Upvotes	9
Comments	75
Date	October 9, 2024 4:08 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fzv2jf/is_it_worth_getting_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-it-worth-getting-married.1532529 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532529

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