Late Miss USA, having previously written a heartbreaking essay about turning 30, dies by suicide at 30 years old. Women being worthless at 30 is an idea perpetuated by the manosphere, yet they dare say FDS is toxic?

asocialsocialite · 2022-02-01T03:44:29+00:00

I really wish that there was an ad campaign or a PR campaign for thirty-something women and above that said how much more powerful we are in our 30s, versus our 20s, where we tell young woman that there is no such thing as a wall. There, is, however, fears of men that become realized at that age of their jig being up.

I grasped something in my 30s that I never had in my 20s - self-esteem and boundaries.

desertcoyoteazul · 2022-02-01T02:27:43+00:00

When society only values women as trophies or mommy bangmaids ALL WOMEN LOSE.

Just having this realization is difficult. Cheslie knew this like many of us here know.

myheartisfulloflove · 2022-02-01T02:10:26+00:00

After cultivating an impressive resume — including earning a law degree and MBA at the same time while going to Wake Forest University and attending the University of South Carolina as an undergrad where she was also a track athlete — Cheslie learned that the need to be the best can have consequences. She noted:

“I joined a trial team at school and won a national championship. I competed in moot court; won essay competitions; and earned local, regional, and national executive board positions.”

Her inspiring work ethic came with a downside, she insisted:

“I nearly worked myself to death, literally, until an eight-day stint in a local hospital sparked the development of a new perspective.

I discovered that the world’s most important question, especially when asked repeatedly and answered frankly, is: why? Why earn more achievements just to collect another win? Why pursue another plaque or medal or line item on my resume if it’s for vanity’s sake, rather than out of passion? Why work so hard to capture the dreams I’ve been taught by society to want when I continue to only find emptiness?”

Reading things like this depresses me so hard because I do know exactly how she feels, but a part of me wants to continue to remain stubborn and live for my own happiness, and not care about society that deems me worthless. I'm just so scared that years from now, when I have completed the goals I have wanted to achieve (financial, career wise, home ownership, traveling, education, etc), that I'm still going to be hit hard with the realization that the world still wants me to stay humbled and miserable because I'm no longer a 20 year old.

ImpressiveHat8550 · 2022-02-01T02:22:39+00:00

Her name was Cheslie Kryst. She was a sweet, kind, beautiful woman who deserved so much more.

No more age shaming when it comes to women. No more shaming how women age. No more telling women they look younger as a compliment. No more. We can’t change the misogynistic and hateful ways men view us and their pedo obsession with young women and girls, but as women we CAN change they way we treat older women and the way we view aging. Time to be the change.

NotMyRealName814 · 2022-02-01T06:31:39+00:00

This story has really saddened me. It's heartbreaking to know that a gorgeous and accomplished woman such as she felt there was no way to go on.

The disgust and contempt for women of all ages, but especially women aged 30 and up, is not only pushed and perpetuated by the manosphere but by society as a whole and it starts at birth. It's pushed by organized religion and by Hollywood's demand that women stay young forever while men are considered dignified as they get older. I think it's also heavily pushed by beauty pageants and the culture that lifestyle promotes - perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect bodies and ways of moving in those bodies. Beauty pageant culture encourages women to compete against one another for the attention of men under the guise of "scholarships" or "developing poise and confidence". Make no mistake, I am not blaming Cheslie for her own mental health issues nor for her own death. She was highly accomplished in regard to pageants but I believe she ultimately became a victim of the very culture that built her up.

Personally, if it were up to me, I would like to see FDS criticize pageants as much as we criticize porn and sex work. Ultimately they all denigrate women. Sure, these women can achieve fame, further their education and otherwise accomplish what they dream of doing professionally. But at what cost?

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-02-01T02:51:04+00:00

We really need a cultural shift for older women (not that 30 is even old). The fact that the patriarchy demonizes the wisdom and life experience that come with age shows how afraid men are of women's power and confidence. Even young divorcees are labeled jaded and are othered so younger women don't go to them for relationship advice.

lansburysoda · 2022-02-01T04:53:04+00:00

I see so many people commenting about how depressing this is. It IS depressing. This society (USA specifically) is depressing as fuck.

The way we treat old people is horrible.

The way we treat poor people is horrible.

No wonder most of us don’t want to grow up if we can’t at least get “successful.”

Not everyone gets to be rich and famous. Actually, most of us don’t get to be that. When our society is based entirely around celebrity worship and wealth worship, we’ve lost our way.

Most rich and famous people who “made it” also come from wealthy/famous backgrounds. They try to drum up some rags-to-riches bootstrap story because it sounds good, but it’s bullshit 99% of the time. They’ve sold us all a Hollywood dream that is a TOTAL LIE.

The American community has been systemically hollowed out and nearly destroyed over the last few decades. Most people are lonelier and more isolated than ever, and to many people, being rich and famous seems like the only way out. Sad state of affairs.

asoww · 2022-02-01T05:16:33+00:00

I'm reaching 30 this year and it has been a big source of stress and a real work to undo all the ingrained misogyny regarding women's age. Sigh.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2022-02-01T05:35:21+00:00

Poor lady, if only she knew that what lies on the other side of 30 is the perspective to care less. It's not a downgrade.

nolongerhume · 2022-02-01T12:44:51+00:00

Yeah I'm not clicking on a perez hilton link.

preppykat3 · 2022-02-01T02:51:43+00:00

This is sad and sends a bad message to women. She had so much going for her. I hope women stop believing in the aging bs

katiekat0214 · 2022-02-01T13:51:41+00:00

And let me tell you, 30 is just the beginning! At 40 and now 50+, I'm a stone cold, take no shit woman and it rocks so damn hard. I know myself inside and out, know my boundaries and limits, am not at all afraid to assert anything, and have no compunction about dropping people who are low value to me. My life is peaceful, quiet, drama free. I have family, friends, community, and no man in sight -- not opposed, just not actively looking. Edited to add I've always worked hard at knowing myself, gaining knowledge and wisdom from the time I was a child, and that said, so much of life comes from experience, plus a developed frontal cortex to have the perspective and objectivity to make sense of experiences. That, plus a lot of reading and talking to people.

This is the kind of thinking that led, quite frankly, to the witch hunts and witch burnings. Wise older women have always been hated, feared, reviled, and projected upon, mostly because our lived reality is just so different. Quite a few of us are naturally solitary, and don't mind it one bit, and even cultivate our alone time. We find more and more that other groups of older women are just way easier to be around. I'm telling you all, the sexes really come down way different on what they want in life the older we get. Women get a taste of freedom and independence, and they're hooked. Men divorce or become widowed, they want a nurse and a purse. Anytime you see an older couple, I'd bet good money she's set the rules and he's acquiesced.

elainejay82 · 2022-02-01T06:06:56+00:00

Of all the things the patriarchy made me feel like shit about over the course of my life, age has not been one of them. I really, I mean reeeeally do not give a shit about my age and never will.

Maybe it's because I grew up in a very rough area where all of us were very wild at a young age and the number of close friends of mine who passed away reached 20 by the time I was early 20s and I just saw too many kids taken before their time, or maybe it's because I know the patriarchy has stripped a lot from me and every other woman but I am deep down just too stubborn to allow them to take away my ability to appreciate simply living.

I just won't do it. Do you know how many people have been taken aback by my nonchalant attitude about my age? How many scrotes it has deterred?

To shame a woman for aging is to shame them for simply living, and you know what? Nobody's going to make me feel like shit for living and staying alive. Not scrotes, not other women. Besides, we all know women are beautiful and wonderful at any age.

Just remember when you are shamed for your age, that person deems you unworthy of remaining alive and when you put it that way you realize how sick "the wall" really is.

PicoPicoMio · 2022-02-01T05:01:24+00:00

She was such an tenacious intelligent beautiful woman. Someone to truly look up to, and it’s heartbreaking that despite her successes academically and professionally she still struggled with her mental health. I wish her loved ones lots of healing.

InspectorGadget07 · 2022-02-01T02:41:42+00:00

Do you really think the suicide was about that though? It’s so hard to say- maybe there were other issues at play.

I’m invested in this as Id recently started following her and interacting with her videos on social. I literally commented on a post of hers like 3 days before her death.

And when I saw her face splashed about the news I thought- Noooooo. It can’t be!!! Can’t be!!!!!! How???!!!

I’ve literally combed every thread on lipstickalley, reddit, rooted through tiktok, dailymail, nypost, facebook, shaderoom comments and basically all the black gossip blogs on IG (sometimes they spit street knowledge that turns out to be spot on/ quite true) etc etc looking for answers as to how and why this happened and yes, naturally I came across that interview and read it in full.

I still don’t feel satisfied that I know what motivated her to do this

I stayed up til like 1 am “investigating” this and combing for answers last night

Maybe all her constant efforts at achievement were actually her running from something that finally caught up to her. Maybe there’s undisclosed trauma, childhood abuse in her background that had her struggling with feelings of worthlessness etc. There are rumors that she mayve felt pressured to achieve by her mother whom some suggest mayve been living somewhat vicariously through her achievement. It’s also been suggested that perhaps she had some struggles with suppressed or hidden sexuality. There have been rumors of that from the time she won the crown. I hope none of this is maligning or slandering the deceased. Some of it seems highly speculative. I just don’t know. Who can say?

I hate to even bring this up, but it appears she jumped from the 29th floor terrace. And in my fervor to figure out what went wrong I ran across some outlets that were headlining their stories with a photo of the body covered by a white sheet lying on the snow filled NY sidewalk. You can literally see where a pump/ heeled sandal flew off about a foot away. Really really freakin distasteful thing to put up.

But when I saw it that thing filled me with so much sadness. So much to live for.

Edit: I really do find saying this had to be about age- a bit overly simplistic and unlikely. One really strong possibility that everyone overlooks is that maybe she was getting help. She’s mentioned in articles that she was already under the care of a good counselor/ therapist. With it being winter in NY and all it’s possible that they’d just started her on antidepressants which caused her suicidal ideation/ suicide. Proven fact, by study after study, that antidepressants can actually cause suicide and make a person worse especially in the beginning. It’s little talked about though. I look at that as being more a possibility.

MsWriteNow07 · 2022-02-01T17:23:20+00:00

I feel like because Cheslie wrote about a fear of aging a year ago, which she seemed to have come to grips with by the end of the essay, people are minimizing the reason for her suicide into “women are afraid of hitting the wall.” But the truth is, we don’t know what this woman was going through. Just look at the last two years. We don’t know who she lost to Covid, we don’t know what her living situation was like, we don’t know what her health was like. We do know she struggled with mental health issues for years, we don’t know if the pandemic impacted her ability to get treatment, or if lockdown sent her spiraling into a worse depression. What this should be is a reminder that we as women have a lot of mental health issues and very few outlets to get the proper support and treatment.

c_a_t_lady · 2022-02-01T12:15:51+00:00

The idea of women's value decreasing is disgusting and also so harmful. Women don't "hit the wall", society just puts more emphasis on women's youth and wants women to fear running out of time, so they'd settle for less than they deserve out of concern of missing out and that it is too late soon.

I'm 19 and pre-FDS I used to have a feeling that I didn't want to live past 30. I'm suicidal regardless, but I held this strong belief that for some reason especially after 30 my life wouldn't be worth living, and then "I would've ran out of time".

FDS helped me to realize what had caused these ideas for me and why it's not true, and now I've been working through them! 💕

One_Bat_2525 · 2022-02-01T03:45:51+00:00

Absolutely tragic 😢

vilepurity · 2022-02-01T07:50:35+00:00

This breaks my heart, this is like the aged up version of innocent teenagers having panic attacks about turning 18-19. (Because Worst of the worst LVMS think that’s “the wall”)

(I’m dead serious, I know a girl online who has dealt with trauma online, like serious trauma. I’m pretty sure there is some sort of epidemic of women/girls having negative mental health due to the patriarchy)

I hope one day I can help people like her, and help women/ girls like the one I know. She is very smart at least, and persevered. But still, it’s heartbreaking… :(

mysterypurplesock · 2022-02-01T13:08:15+00:00

I think what a lot of comments are missing is the Cheslie is navigating this world as a BLACK woman and that comes with a more complicated and intense form of misogyny that is needed for this discussion.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-02-01T07:26:06+00:00

😒 I can't wait to be 89. My goal in life is to be the hippest, most fashionable octogenarian. And then at 100 I'm gonna throw a large party and dance on tables if my hips still hold 🎉

What's your goal for 80, 90 and the big 00? 💯Normalize80s💯

modernmedusaa · 2022-02-01T19:34:28+00:00

Alright but can Pickmeisha’s stop playing into the 30 panic

Most of this crap is online

And the types of men trying to shame you about your age

Are often extremely undesirable, insecure and trying to neg you into having sex with them

Bc a lot of times you get bitter male incels cosplaying as women online

Online I see supposed ‘19 year old girls’ on tik tok panicking about how they’re rapidly losing value the minute they turn 18

How come in real life…. I don’t meet 19 year old girls panicking about their age.

I also don’t recall being panicked about my age at 19 either.

Though I do recall being constantly sexually harassed by men I had no interest in.

I actually enjoyed growing out of that peak sexual harassment phase. Much of that attention was unwanted and aggressive.

Men assume women just LOVE being harassed by losers all day long. No we don’t.

Oh god what will I do if less balding cheating hideous morons harass me? Curl up in a ball and die? Or sigh in relief?

What happens is women get wiser and grow a back bone. They start saying no much louder and faster.

This reduces our accessibility to men.

And it’s a positive.

It’s ridiculous when the brain doesn’t stop growing till 25.

Don’t believe everything you read online.

It is way too easy for bitter LOSER insecure men to make fake profiles of women online and push fake insecurities .

It only has an effect bc so many buy into it.

Realistically men project their fears and insecurities onto women - they are shit scared of being alone.

It’s up to us to see through it and resist.

30 is fairly young - barely a 1/3 through your entire life assuming you die at 90.

And men age like everyone else.

Many of them are balding, have dad bods and failing dicks before 30 , so why would you care what they think?

Back in reality men don’t stop desiring women or harassing them the minute they turn 30

They harass them well into the grave.

Women don’t recieve some gigantic drop in interest at 30

But what you do see is women being more selective and choosy bc they’ve learned their lessons and won’t sign up to bullshit as fast.

Most can’t even guess my age correctly ffs.

There’s many positives to getting older.

More experience, financial security, tolerating less shit and having a better grasp of reality and what you want.

Plenty of women can have children into their 30s and 40s too- the idea we become infertile at 30 is outdated rubbish.

The same biased bullshit studies are pushed over and over by the manosphere despite the fact most men don’t even want to settle down in their 20s.

So wtf are they talking about.

Most men are hypocrites still cheating and clowning around into their 40s.

They have no desire to start a serious family in their prime.

They end up unremarkable washed up alcoholic Peter pans that nobody wants. Or in jail for some pedo crime .

They want you to panic buy some male in your younger years so you end up trapped with 3kids.

Many women don’t even want kids now so who cares.

There’s also adoption, IVF etc.

hdost34 · 2022-02-01T20:56:35+00:00

30 is still REALLY young.

thebearflair · 2022-02-01T14:58:00+00:00

Life doesn’t start until your thirties you really find yourself

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2022-02-01T10:22:26+00:00

I was so eager to turn 30, because I thought it mean finally being an adult, a grown woman. And tbh, its proven true so far. I'm now mid-30s and I feel like an adult most of the time, as opposed to rarely when in my 20s. I also know what I want and I can take the steps to accomplish it without making excuses anymore. I hope we get to a point someday where all women can feel this way, because I find it so sad seeing my younger friends fretting about turning 30.

salthoney · 2022-02-01T10:39:03+00:00

This is so fucking tragic!

I feel like women desperately need a culture of our own that exists outside of pleasing men, men's desires or anything really to do with men. A lot of things we bond over as women, still often benefit men, be it beauty stuff, fashion, sports. I'm reminded of this quote:

"You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur." Margaret Atwood

Yes, women will swear up and down that they do it for themselves (and maybe few truly do) but at the end of the day being "good" at those things put us in a better light for men. And that is where this whole idea of women only being valuable until we are 30 is born, in men's (rotten) brains. Our usefulness to men, whether it be beauty, child bearing or being young/naive enough to be molded and coerced into certain behaviors that benefit men. Every woman is able to see herself as more than those things, but often that is not nurtured in us as children or actively forced out of us as we grow up.

Yes, youth is valued in both men and women and put on a pedestal, however, I have yet to hear of men being referred to as Christmas cakes, because they "expire"/"go bad" at 25 years old. Men supposedly age like wine (LOL) and women like milk. If you internalize all that, of course you can do something as drastic as that. Add to that pressure from family to do this or that by 25, 30,... and it can became unbearable.

Every female villain in classic children's stories and media generally is an old(er) woman who is mean and jealous of youth or scared of losing it. You rarely see them in a good role, the only one I can think of off the top of my head is The Oracle in The Matrix. And her role was still very maternal. Most people don't associate positive things with older women other than maybe their own granny. But the thing is, it doesn't matter, as long as we have our own culture as women where we count as people and not what we can do for men. Where it doesn't matter how old or young we are, but that we are human. Where we can share our wisdom and advice etc... with no men there, visible or invisible. The way women move through the world would be so different.

denimbastard · 2022-02-01T10:27:45+00:00

I'm a 30 year old woman. I'm short, and I dress more alternative so I constantly get told I don't look or act 30. My mum gets the equivalent and she loves it, but I just don't take it as a compliment. When I was 20 I was anxious, insecure, I drank too much, had awful boyfriends and didn't look after myself. Now I'm career driven, I own my own house, I know who I am, I'm more confident and overall a better person to be around. I'm proud of my progress and don't need it to be overlooked because apparently it's an insult to look 30. I'm excited for the next 10 years and plenty more after that and happy to create as much space between myself and my 20s as possible.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-02-01T10:53:31+00:00

All the fucking ads for botox and wrinkle cream made me think there was a wall. Never looked better. Patriarchal propaganda.

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-02-01T19:37:58+00:00

Personally, I can't wait to turn 30 so I can finally move to the mountains and become an evil harpie witch that sells potions for exorbitant prices and curse wayward men.

Okay joking aside, the article is heartbreaking.

She had many years ahead of her and I can't imagine the abuse she faced with pageants and having to stuff herself in some impossible mold. How much you want to bet the people calling her ugly were cave trolls themselves?

It's so messed up...IDK what she went through but no healthy society should allow this to happen...too many women have eating disorders and Instagram just makes young women are girls feel even worse. It's a sick societal standard and FDS is probably one of the few places that smacks that idea in the face and says "NO."

FDS isn't toxic...it's holding a mirror out and the scrotes are just scared to look because they don't want to turn to stone.

butteryrum · 2022-02-01T09:04:52+00:00

I had a bad feelings it may have been something along those lines.

This makes me angry for young, vibrant women very much still in their prime convinced as if they're not. It has to stop.

HoracioCarrillo · 2022-02-01T11:29:27+00:00

Im about to turn 27 in a few weeks and even though I really try not to think in this misogynistic way, I sometimes am really scared about turning 30 in the near future.

But everytime I feel like I might not be desirable anymore after turning 30 I have a look at the ages of some of the women that are called the most beautiful and desirable by men:

Emma Watson: 31

Jennifer Lawrence: 31

Elizabeth Olsen: 32

Scarlett Johansson: 37

Ana de Armas: 33

Monica Bellucci: 57

Marisa Tomei (aunt May from the new Spiderman movie guys are drooling over right now): 57

Christina Hendricks: 46

Aubrey Plaza: 37

And those women are just a fraction of the proof that men don't stop chasing and drooling after us like dogs once we turn 30. They just want us to believe that to damage our self-esteem, so we will lower our standards.

quasarbar · 2022-02-01T08:26:59+00:00

What a tragedy. RIP Cheslie. You will be missed.

relampagos_shawty · 2022-02-01T02:10:27+00:00

I’m 31 and proud. Anyone who has a problem with it can kiss my neck wrinkles

TripleMoonMorrigan · 2022-02-01T04:26:34+00:00

One of the biggest lessons that I have had to learn, with growing older, is that women get more beautiful and more powerful as they age. Not less. Use this to put that anxious existential dread at ease: it is up from here, not down. Patriarchy wants us fretting and fussing about wrinkles, weight, the "wall", and other bullshit because as long as we are anxious and upset at that, we certainly aren't questioning why grown ass men have waifu pillows.

This is why childlike women and young girls are prized by the patriarchy. They do not represent a threat to patriarchal authority the same way an educated, independent, and learned woman does.

If at all possible, live out each and every day if for no other reason than to be a thorn in the side of the patriarchy. Make your grandmothers proud.

InspectorGadget07 · 2022-02-01T11:51:12+00:00

I really do find saying this had to be about age- a bit of a stretch/ overly simplistic or unlikely.

One really strong possibility that everyone overlooks is that maybe they started her in antidepressants that caused this.

She’s mentioned in articles that she was already under the care of a good counselor/ therapist. With it being winter in NY and all it’s possible that they’d just started her on antidepressants which caused her suicidal ideation/ suicide. Proven fact, by study after study, that antidepressants can actually cause suicide and make a person worse especially in the beginning. It’s little talked about though. I look at that as being more a possibility.

KayrrrRrrr · 2022-02-01T04:22:16+00:00

I'm so happy I've managed to stay alive long enough to have gray hairs on my head, it breaks my heart in a million pieces to hear about this. My wrinkles, scars, cavities, the weight I gained, everything I've learned... these are my achievements; everything is so much better as I get older!!! I can't imagine how overwhelming and inescapable the negativity that surrounds celebrities is for them to be robbed of the joy and privilege of getting older. I hope her tragic death haunts the people who looked down on her.

CrazyPaine · 2022-02-01T16:31:36+00:00

Honestly I didn't have the balls to be myself and literally tell someone to fuck off now being blunt and mean to men especially if they're fucking with me. Even if my voice shakes, I'm going to speak out.

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