Is the act of a man giving a woman full commitment fundamentally unattractive?

ashpr0ulx · 2021-09-28T09:19:32+00:00

for me it’s unattractive to push commitment very quickly. but wanting commitment after getting to know each other and establishing a good connection is attractive.

Creation_Soul · 2021-09-28T10:09:56+00:00

As a married man, I can say that full commitment doesn't mean it's unconditional. We have a common understanding that we must both put effort in the relationship and that we both have red lines that should not be crossed.

NarniaFox · 2021-09-28T09:23:22+00:00

It might be unattractive for people with insecure attachment styles or people who aren't into LTRs, but not for everyone.

cupcakegensis · 2021-09-28T09:44:05+00:00

I know for me I've rationally told myself it's okay for a guy to talk to multiple women during the first stages of dating, but it kills my attraction if I know he is playing the field. If we go back to biology, women are looking for a male that can protect her and her offspring for about two years. Humans are basically useless for the majority of pregnancy and after birth. A man that isn't committed is a liability for a women because if he decides to run off with a different woman, she will be left to care for her newborn by herself and could be killed/ starve. From a primal point of view commitment is vital to the survival of a Mother so I would think not being committed would be an instinctual turn off.

relish5k · 2021-09-28T12:32:03+00:00

People want two things: attachment security and novelty / excitement. Unfortunately, these two things are diametrically opposed. So in that regard - yes, commitment is an attraction killer.

I've been reading Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity which discusses the topic at great length. She talks about how a woman who has lost attraction to her husband catches him out of the corner of her eye at a party talking to another woman, doesn't recognize him immediately, and is instantly more attracted to him. Novelty -> excitement -> attraction and arousal. Men too can find it challenging to view the mother of their children and washer of their underwear as a sexual being.

It takes work to maintain 'the spark' in a long term relationship. You need to keep flirting, maintain a spirit of playfulness, don't get into a sexual rut, etc.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-28T11:22:16+00:00

I think a guy giving women his sole attention might be unattractive if they mental gymnastics their way into thinking "he's got no other options = he's not attractive to other women = why should I want him then?" but it's not inherently unattractive when women actually want that commitment of course.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-09-28T13:17:01+00:00

Yes.

It's especially unattractive when it's an unattractive man giving that commitment.

It's even more unattractive when the only thing that man has to offer is commitment.

festethefoole1 · 2021-09-28T09:16:03+00:00

Hmm… maybe. But the trouble is that if you’re a man trying to cultivate a relationship with a woman and being rejected, it’s impossible to identify whether or not your approach for her and making it clear that she can consider you an option (as you’ve described) was in itself off-putting, or if she just wasn’t-that-into-you to begin with and there’s no amount of “playing hard to get” that would have helped.

I recall telling a woman back in May who I slept with a bunch of times that I was really into her and considered her girlfriend material and that’s how I saw things and so on. Sure enough it petered out and faded and she lost interest. Was that what killed it? Or was it impossible anyway? No way of knowing really.

cuntreaper69 · 2021-09-28T14:55:21+00:00

Yeah women like can’t get wet when a dude commits. Safety and security with a beta are antithetical to a woman being aroused

NotTheBestMoment · 2021-09-28T17:36:57+00:00

Big difference between full commitment and the claim of “I think you’re the best I can get”

sootlord · 2021-09-28T12:54:12+00:00

Fundamentally. No. Its shows responsibility and accountability, very masculine traits.

However no one cares about fundamentals

"What have you done for me lately" - Janet Jackson

xFallacyx69 · 2021-09-28T14:50:17+00:00

Full commitment up front is weird AF. Just cuz you wanna bang her doesn’t mean she’s wifey material. She knows this, you know this. You need to use what’s left of the blood in brain to remind yourself of this.

If some chick came up to you in the bar begging to suck your dick are you gonna be weirded out? Are you gonna think she’s capable of making rational decisions as an adult?

AngelxEyez · 2021-09-28T18:42:07+00:00

My boyfriend being super into me and talking about future marriage topics like last name, location, engagement length with me is extremely attractive!

I want to be married before I’m 30 (I just turned 24) So having convos like this is reassuring to me that I vetted properly for someone whos wants in life do line up with mine

I’m confident I chose a partner who is crazy about me, who I dont have to stress over if hes gonna cheat on me, because I know he values commitment. I know he wants a cliché 3bed 2bath 2kids nice lawn homecooked meal type life

I know he thinks he lucked out with me. I’m 4’11, 97lbs and have an above average face. I’m bubbly and always complimenting him or kissing on him, getting him to smile

Hes very very shy and so has never had a gf before me. He had a hard time keeping eye contact the first few times we hungout and didn’t talk too much for like 2 months but does now ! We apparently went to the same highschool and I’d never seen him there before! He showed me his grad photo and he looked like a 12 year old in grade 12! I thought it was adorable haha

I’m not turned off that he doesnt have any experience or that hes absolutely crazy about me and very clearly wants to lock me down and commit. I’m excited that I found a partner who wants what I want, who I am physically attracted to and who I feel great around, safe to be myself around. I found someone who will be happy to have me take care of them and who wants to take care of me too

I’ve never been so sure about anything, I’m gonna marry that man and I’m gonna make him so happy and take care of him till we are old and grey. I adore him

LORD-THUNDERCUNT · 2021-09-28T10:57:07+00:00

Purely anecdotal but every guy I know who basically worships their girlfriend always gets cheated on/completely disrespected in the relationship. On the flip side, the guys I know who don’t really give a shit about their relationship and who cheat/flirt around usually have girlfriends who worship them. It’s very strange, if a guy is very committed, the girl cheats. If the girl is very committed , the guy cheats lol.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2021-09-28T13:32:56+00:00

Is the act of a man giving a woman full commitment fundamentally unattractive?

Not at all, so long as the man is hot.

Indeed, the "hot man giving women full commitment" thing is a cornerstone of romance novels (see Fifty Shades) and pop songs (see Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up).

Women (in general) absolutely love the idea of "alpha male offering true commitment."

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-09-28T10:23:21+00:00

Who do you think a woman would prefer to with? Guy A who is committed to her because he has no other viable options of guy B who can have any woman he wants but chooses to be with her? And not only that but he has high standards and has a line in the sand that she has to meet him halfway?

0ne0s1x · 2021-09-28T09:10:49+00:00

I find it really attractive actually. The idea that women are only into “excitement” and bad boys is bullshit. Yeah there are some women like that but they have issues, and don’t represent women as a whole. Also commitment doesn’t have to be boring

TomorrowsWar · 2021-09-28T12:12:51+00:00

I mean, if this is how you feel that says a lot about you. Not in a good way. It sounds really insecure on your part that your commitment = “you’re the best I can get”

We all know we can always do better. But you choose someone you connect with. To me it sounds like you’re either incapable of connecting or have never connected lol

nemma88 · 2021-09-28T09:43:27+00:00

Is the act of a man giving a woman full commitment fundamentally unattractive?

I don't think so. Through mate choice copying wedding rings on guys make them more desirable to other women.

Gravel_Roads · 2021-09-28T09:57:10+00:00

I think it’s more men who need to be given back pats for doing it that are unattractive. It’s like the male equivalent of giving starfish sex and expecting to be thanked

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-09-28T12:45:59+00:00

Men giving women commitment is like women giving men sex.

If you go around giving commitment too soon they pump and dump you.

There's a reason for the "three day rule" (don't call them until 3 days after meeting them).

Mystery is sexy.

wtknight · 2021-09-28T13:49:07+00:00

No. If she is attracted to him and he compliments her, then that increases attraction. However, there is a difference between normal compliments and overblown simp compliments. The latter will likely decrease attraction because it makes him look obsessed and potentially dangerous, and also without options.

midwestufohunter · 2021-09-28T14:02:46+00:00

No the way that man stops showing up in the relationship is

tonyghow · 2021-09-28T14:16:46+00:00

I think you're implying that a man who commits to one woman is not fully red-pill "Alpha", and that a woman will always be more attracted to an "Alpha" man.

Or you're referring to a man who wishes he had more options, but has to settle for this hypothetical woman, therefore signaling to her and himself that he is less of a catch.

Either way, it doesn't sound very confident, which IMO is the main attraction killer for women.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-09-28T14:54:11+00:00

Commitment isn't the problem. The terms associated with the commitment is the problem.

PopRevolutionary1475 · 2021-09-28T16:33:06+00:00

No.

However, she doesn't get my full commitment unless she's with me when I'm down and out.

If a woman is still with me when I lose everything, then I know she's a real one.

Until then, I don't owe her commitment because we have sex or if she looks pretty.

Key-Progress-8873 · 2021-09-29T03:26:51+00:00

The answer is no. In plain terms, women want to be wanted, men want to be needed. In threads focused on casual sex/ONS you'll see that women will rarely say they are all that fond of these, and I do believe they say the truth.

However, if you have not shown to be a strong man, yet you demand commitment, you will look doubly weak in her eyes. Commitment is something she must demand, not the other way around. If you've given her complete power, complete control of the direction of the relationship, she has no reason to trust your judgement.

She'll see the notion of commitment very attractive - once it's proven that you have a plan, and the drive to fulfill it. And that the two of you have common goals. Common goals are the fuel for any lasting LTR.

Taipanshimshon · 2021-09-29T04:35:57+00:00

A woman usually needs to know she earned the commitment from a man she is attracted to in order to keep that attraction. It helps if he is obviously desired by other women but does not act on it to her knowledge

upalse · 2021-09-29T10:30:33+00:00

Yes. The whole hard-to-get schtick works the same as shopping: You're thrilled by the prospect of having the thing. But once you have thing, the rush is gone. Same goes for women serving their pussy on a platter. You're simply no longer as invested once you get some returns on your effort, ergo, you're attracted less.

excusemeILY · 2021-09-28T14:08:57+00:00

It’s in reading posts like these that I wonder if ppd guys have any grasp on social skills

DiamondLilyD · 2021-09-28T12:16:23+00:00

What the fuck is wrong with the men on here, seriously.

No-Statistician1362 · 2021-09-28T13:20:05+00:00

It is, don't do it.

AerieIll3707 · 2021-09-28T09:34:20+00:00

No, that logic applies to marriage

For LTRs, you can still subtly communicate that you can and will leave at anytime, which will keep the woman in check

taapy234 · 2021-09-28T15:16:48+00:00

YES.

The moment you showcase you are totally committed, she will secretly think you are a chump. Women here will insist they don't label men like that, and I would agree with them. Most of them probably won't label him a "chump" deliberately, but they will behave as if they are dealing with a chump indirectly. As the saying goes, you give somebody an inch, they take a mile...

Its kind of ironic how its men who are the most romantic sex. Women are incredibly resourceful, pragmatic and even brutally go after the very best with their hypergamous instincts, but a lot of men got to be redpilled before he ever gives up his "women are wonderful" bluepill indoctrination.

The concept of relationship like a monthly contract sounds incredulous if you think about it, but women instinctively judge men frequently with their shit tests to test his viability and fitness and whether he stands up to the stress.

DARE not DEER

gimpgirl555 · 2021-09-28T09:14:40+00:00

Yep. It's a beta move.

Rosifer433d · 2021-09-28T12:01:52+00:00

Nope. It's not unattractive for a man to marry. Why would you take dating advice or life advice from the mentally ill kids who call themselves red pillers and black pillers? They're just spoiled brats with no life experience.

ErrendeEbecee · 2021-09-28T11:18:58+00:00

Yes unless there is some kind of threat of the man leaving(i.e. what TRP calls dread game)

superlurkage · 2021-09-28T14:20:49+00:00

Just don’t get married, lol. We’re not going to beg you

midwestufohunter · 2021-09-28T20:54:09+00:00

i think men find women consenting to sex fundamentally unattractive

TryLambda · 2021-09-28T12:21:19+00:00

every relationship where I told my partner that I loved her and gave my commitment to her, the women would dump me the next week. From then on I realised there is no point in discussing emotions with women, they will see you as a weak man and will dump you, so now I act like an emotionless POS in relationships, cos women have beat this into me.

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Willow-girl · 2021-09-28T10:55:48+00:00

Cuntwaffe2 · 2021-09-28T13:20:49+00:00

I think a full commitment is so fucking sexy, but my guy and I believe in love with conditions. It wouldn't be sexy if I could treat him like dirt and he will still stick around. If we are commited to one another and treat each other with respect and love, but also have our boundaries and don't put up with any shit? -chef's kiss-

Megabyte7637 · 2021-09-28T14:12:54+00:00

chilikettlechips · 2021-09-28T15:22:40+00:00

There is such a thing as too early. But after that the answer is gonna be yes or no, no matter when.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-09-28T16:16:47+00:00

Of course commitment is attractive - IF you also want to commit to that person. There is nothing better than being in love and having full faith and confidence that your love is returned.

If the feelings are unrequited, or if the other person is pushing you for commitment and you are not ready for it, that is when it is unattractive.

sine120 · 2021-09-28T16:32:06+00:00

Data says no. Married men are perceived as more attractive to other women, especially when they have an attractive partner. It falls under the pre-selection umbrella. Someone else has already done the work vetting him as a partner and he passed her tests, chances are he'll pass other women's tests. You could argue attraction as a mate isn't the same as sexual attraction, but the result tends to be the same. Some or most women would get an ego boost from being able to poach someone else's partner.

If a single man is offering to commit to a woman, I can't imagine how it would negatively influence her attraction, it seems like it would only boost his reliability as a partner which would seem a positive to someone who does not have attachment issues.

shepskybuddy · 2021-09-28T17:06:08+00:00

It would depend I think.

For example If you have been on a couple of dates and the guy comes on heavy and talking about full commitment that would be off putting

If you are in a relationship which gradually becomes more serious and both parties emotions are involved then I think it's very attractive

I'm in a committed LTR and I find my partner very attractive

Pilling_it · 2021-09-28T17:36:04+00:00

If you're not giving value to what should be, yes it's going to be.

Otherwise it's fine.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-09-28T23:40:13+00:00

I think if the woman is pushing for commitment she is attracted to you. Easiest thing as a guy is go slow. If she pushes for it you are good if you actually like her.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-09-29T01:29:32+00:00

Commitment is attractive, desperation is not. What a woman wants to know is that a man wants to be with her. Not that he’s going to stay with her no matter what because he has no other options and wants to get his dick wet. That he’s committed to making the relationship work along with her input, not that he will hang on no matter how she treats him because his self-esteem is shit. That’s why everyone, male and female alike, needs to set boundaries and stand up for themselves when necessary. That doesn’t mean not committing, that means committing with the expectation of mutual love and respect from your partner and the willingness to walk away if they refuse to uphold their end of the bargain.

A man wanting to immediately lock me down before getting to know me is unattractive to me also and makes me think he just wants to own a vagina, any vagina. But on the other side, dragging one’s feet on commitment when we have been dating plenty long enough to know each other is a deal breaker.

flowerwoven · 2021-09-29T04:16:06+00:00

NOT giving full commitment is unattractive.

epbro2978 · 2021-09-29T12:16:25+00:00

I used to think being with the same person forever was ideal. Now, it’s become one of my greatest fears. People change as they get older. I tried explaining this to my friends last night, and I basically got belittled and shamed for not wanting partnership at this stage in my life. I can’t rule out changing my mind in the future, but right now if a guy told me I was “the one,” I’d tell him to pump the breaks, or I’d run for the hills. Something about the pandemic has made me enjoy dating a lot more than usual but has also made me understand how much I cherish my own independence.

miketrance · 2021-09-29T16:53:52+00:00

Why does commitment mean "you are the best I believe I can get". For me getting married to my wife is more "You treat me well and I want to build a future with you". Maybe the way you look at relationships is the problem here. Do you not think you can get the sort of woman you wouldn't want to lose? Do you not think a woman exists that you felt would be a great addition to your life?

You shouldn't even date anyone that you feel is "good enough" you should always strive for "great fit" and if you can't get that stay single. I don't know anyone who is worth having that would accept being seen as "best I can get".

Flat_Plane_V8 · 2021-09-30T09:21:19+00:00

A woman will subconsciously despise a man if she is his only option

WilliamWyattD · 2021-09-30T10:51:23+00:00

Remember that pure Alpha is not optimally attractive. It is beaten by the right sprinkling of Beta.

So if a woman finds you attractive, and she is convinced that you are strong and no pushover in any way, then explicit and full commitment can make you more attractive, even sexually.

But if she is starting to think she has your ownership papers and can make you dance to her tune whenever she wants, then explicitly giving her total commitment can make things worse.

gorilla_blanco · 2021-09-28T09:30:32+00:00

If she’s a good girl she probably deserves full commitment, if she isn’t chasing it down… she doesn’t respect you much. Women are jealous creatures and def don’t trust each other. She should flip the script by date 3 and be trying to lock you down!

EstablishmentKooky50 · 2021-09-28T13:42:53+00:00

Not being able to enforce boundaries and continuously failing her shit tests is what makes you unattractive. This, and "full commitment" usually goes hand in hand.

SaBahRub · 2021-09-28T14:59:03+00:00

Sure. Never get married, dudes; it’s totally not worth it. Also, never commit, love or show affection; it’s weak and women don’t care about it

WretchdFlesh_Redeemd · 2021-09-28T16:57:14+00:00

No, just be a man about it.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-09-29T01:36:51+00:00

"You are the best that I believe I can get and I am going to forgo all other options to secure you"

This is settling. Not committing. If your girl said this to you this would definitely kill all attraction. You have to understand that, right? That’s common sense that’s obviously not that common for red pill men.

Title	Is the act of a man giving a woman full commitment fundamentally unattractive?
Author	Artistic_Guest4386
Upvotes	16
Comments	186
Date	September 28, 2021 8:58 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/px28fl/is_the_act_of_a_man_giving_a_woman_full/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-the-act-of-a-man-giving-a-woman-full-commitment.1073813 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073813

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