A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.
We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.
Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.
Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.
Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.
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[–]ImpatientZenMRP APPROVED / Divorced / Dark Fucking Savage 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]aussie_darrowUnplugging 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]aussie_darrowUnplugging 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ImpatientZenMRP APPROVED / Divorced / Dark Fucking Savage 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]omuredGrinding 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]aussie_darrowUnplugging 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]Solid_Run8850 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]fix-the-manUnplugging 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]DiamondUnlucky9120Grinding / Went full on Rambo Retard 2 points3 points4 points (9 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ryaninthesky123Grinding 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ryaninthesky123Grinding 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]DiamondUnlucky9120Grinding / Went full on Rambo Retard 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]OYSFFFSGrinding 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]sparkling_truth1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Been there as a mix couple so just sharing my 2cents here, also lived in 4 different countries already and going for 5 soon. You might get a lot of pressure soon for the marriage due to visa issues especially if it impacts your livelihoods. I married, didn't regret but had to setup some boundaries especially on the timeline. Now, I don't understand from your OYS if you 2 have visa issues where you are now. Are you in a mix couple? How different?
Anyway understand if you want to change country because you really want it within yourself or because you expect your life to suddenly improve/get sex because now you feel you are interesting person going abroad. You will be disappointed otherwise, especially if you don't own the logistic. Been there, it is complicated. Visa, housing, language barriers, friends, neighborhood, expenses, moving your stuff etc. Own it all. Did it plenty of times, worth it. If you really want it, totally an experience worth to live.
Set a timeline in case of marriage and set boundaries. Evaluate your relationship for real don't fuck around.
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OYS 1
33yo, 5y relationship, no kids.
I read this post in askMRP about the sentiment towards masculine lesbians in MRP and the answer was “if you do the work we don’t give a fuck”, so here I am to do the work.
Read: NMMNG (not all BFAs), WISNIFG, MAP.
Currently reading: re-reading NMMNG and completing BFAs.
Lifts:
Just started SL 5x5 after joining 60 DoD. One of my goals for 60DoD and ongoing is to get stronger physically and mentally. This is the first time I’ve lifted (apart from haphazard lifting over the last month) so I want to get the technique right from the get go. Waiting for fractional plates to arrive as my gym doesn’t have them. Starting with the bar as recommended by SL for beginners (plus I’m weak as fuck) - squat 20kg 5x5, DL 40kg 5x1, dumbbell bench press 16kg 5x5, dumbbell OHP 12kg 5x5, barbell row 30kg 5x5.
Nutrition:
I have started tracking my calories in MyFitnessPal. I plan the day’s food the night before and have been on goal for calories and macros since starting four days ago.
Mental:
I lack consistent mental strength/frame. I am working on STFU - half the battle is recognizing I need to STFU before I open my mouth and making it a conscious priority. I also am ego-driven and constantly seek validation. Recognizing this through readings on MRP has been life changing. I still lack the frame to consistently change how I respond both inwardly and outwardly when I find myself seeking attention or validation, but I often recognize what I’m doing during/after and occasionally can stop myself before and do something different. I have found the discipline of lifting, especially on days I can’t be fucked going, and being disciplined with my food, is beginning some sort of base for mental strength. Re-reading NMMNG and starting the BFAs is helping to keep the mentality I want at the forefront of my mind. I have a long way to go.
Relationship:
I like and love my partner. We cuddle a lot, constantly touching and quite affectionate, but I don’t get the sex I want and there is no passion at all anymore. I do not initiate sex anymore because I am deep in her frame, thinking about how tired she is and how she doesn’t find my attractive or want to have sex with me. I agree I am unattractive. I am also deeply scared of rejection - my ego is bruised very easily so it’s easier to just not risk initiating. My sexual attraction towards her is waning. Our values and major wants from life align. She adds some value to my life and has the potential to add a lot more. I want her in my life for now. It’s a bit of covert contract but I hope that by working on myself I’ll either a. lead the relationship in the direction I want it to go, including the sex life I want, or b. have the mental strength/frame to be ok moving on.
Goals
Keep lifting three times a week and continue to make it a priority.
Continue tracking food.
Read up to and including chapter 3 of NMMNG and complete BFAs.
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[–]loveisconditional1 points [recovered] (27 children) | Copy Link
OYS 3
24yo, 5'9, 205lbs, married 2, no kids
READ
MMSLP, MAP, SGM, Archwinger posts pdf (1/2), MRP top posts pdf x 2 (currently reading)
MY UNATTRACTIVE TRAITS/PROBLEMS IN LIFE
I'm not under 12% bodyfat. I make minimum wage. I do not own a car. I have a drivers license that is going to expire in under 2 weeks. I make less than my wife. I owe my wife money. I have under $100 in my savings and checkings account. I never buy household essentials or cleaning products and instead use whatever my wife buys. I frequently asked my wife "I don't know what do you want to do today/watch tonight/eat for dinner" for a large portion of our relationship. I have no social life or friends, and have never cared to have a social life or friends. I have frequently begged for cuddles and begged for sex. I am the clingier one in my relationship. I cut my hair, but I never style my hair. I do not run our finances, and even I don't think I presently deserve nor trust myself to do so. I frequently accept mediocre starfish sex even though my wife doesn't want it at all. I gained 15lbs of bodyfat over the duration of Covid, just now returning to the gym. I have a decent wardrobe, but still, a lot of it has stains or holes and needs to be thrown out and re-newed but I don't even have the money to replace them. I did under half of the household chores for the majority of our relationship. I didn't take my wife out on dates for pretty much the entirety of Covid. I have no life outside of the gym, work, and being at home on my computer/phone. I flirted with my wife bi-weekly, instead of daily, ever since we've been married. I stall on my mission as I haven't completely decided on the idea. Obviously, all of this is a major issue. In my opinion however, the most pressing of the issues is: money.
MONEY/MISSION
A few of the comments on my last OYS resonated with me. Although I just got the job I'm currently working, and I've never found a job as enjoyable as this one I'm currently at, I still make minimum wage, and that's a huge problem. I have been unemployed or working part-time or making shit pay for the entirety of my relationship and my adult working life. I have always been broke. With no car at 24 years old (nearly 25 now) and not owning one since I was 21 or 22. Each week I'm just barely breaking even to pay rent, food, essentials, and little dates with my wife. I have made less than my wife forever. I am completely failing in the financial portion of my life and I need to acknowledge this and make a change. It's been this way so long I've simply gotten used to it. In the interim I'm trying to pick up any additional hours at work just so I can have some additional spending money (they don't like giving us overtime though so they try to avoid that). I know this isn't the way to getting rich but I picked up two additional shifts this week. It's the best I can do for now. It was 58 hour work-week in total. But what really interests me is a business/mission I've dabbled over in my head that I've dreamt of attempting but have never taken action on or carved a fully-fleged idea out on and I think it's my way out of my complete poverty. It has a very high chance of failing, but hell, at least I can say I tried, and I can always try again. It's a content-based business idea I've had for awhile, which isn't as guaranteed of an income as a trade or some other value exchange service, but it's something I'm highly passionate about and would love to do as a hobby, as a mission in life, and as a potential form of additional revenue. I still have not made a decision on the entirety of the idea.
SEX/GAME
After reading all of the above it becomes pretty damn obvious why my wife wouldn't want to be fucked by me. I'm honestly surprised I get fucked at all. Anyhow, I've begun teasing her a whole lot more lately. Plus with the additional hours I've had this week she's sent texts saying she missed me and was wishing I'd come home. One of the nights I worked late I came home and she had dinner prepared for me (she almost always makes us both dinner so this is nothing new). I ate dinner and thanked her for it. Went to go to bed after my long work day but she wanted to cuddle and kiss. Well, kissing turned into making-out and for the first time ever I didn't ask to fuck her. I took her panties off of her whilst kissing her and she smiled a bit about it. She didn't resist me at all even though I didn't ask to fuck her, I think there was slight dread that night as I worked pretty late on surprise. I didn't last long during our session but it was actually some pretty damn nice sex, plus I didn't warm her up at all nor did I care about her pleasure, and I think the moans she was making were fake but shit I liked those too. I cavemanned her and came in her and didn't ask or beg for sex for once, and it was great. She shit-tested me the following day saying "you didn't even ask to cum in me" and I didn't pass the shit-test as I reflexively DEER'ed. I normally always ask to fuck, ask to cum in her, but I didn't this time and I fucked up my response when she brought it up. She knows she can influence my behaviors with her sex, and I've begun to notice when she does this, still need to begin playing her off and STFU a bit more until I can respond appropriately. She knows I am very desperate for her pussy and she completely controls me with it. Pranked her twice this April Fools. Tricked her into thinking the dog shat on the bed and also made her think I was working an extra shift on April Fools too but I wasn't. Trying to work on my text game too. Anyway yeah, still working on this. Getting into the habit of gaming her every day, not asking for sex but stating it/initating without words/indirectly implying it, not accepting starfish/unenthusiastic/uneffortful sex, being someone worth fucking, not DEER'ing anymore, and not showing desperation anymore.
CHORES
Ever since I've started doing quite literally all of the chores around the house just 10 days ago, my wife has seemed to become competitive about doing them before me. She used to make us dinner and then leave the dishes dirty for 36-48 hours after that (I didn't do them either) but ever since I've picked up the slack and I do the dishes, and the laundry, and take out the trash and recycling, and make the bed, and sweep the floor, she tries to clean up things before I do. I've gotten into the habit of doing all the housechores immediately after work even if I'm tired. It's actually kinda funny that she's gotten competitive about it. I'm not sure if she considers housekeeping one of the ways in which she can provide me value, and I'm taking that away from her or if she just finally acknowledges that yeah, living like a slob is kinda gross. Anyhow, trying to beat her to the chores now. I know I don't need to. No I don't think she'll fuck me if I do the chores and she doesn't. Just trying to take on more responsibility for my own life and prove to myself that I'm self-reliant and that I truly don't need her for anything.
BODYBUILDING
This went fine. Lifts coming back slowly. Once I pay my wife back I will begin saving for a coach to hire again as I used to have one and I made better progress with one. Went to the gym 5x this week at 5AM before work. Weight has remained the same but I look slightly leaner.
THINGS I WILL DO THIS WEEK
I will stop jumping at the chance to do little tasks for my wife in the form of compliance tests. I’ve noticed she‘s been asking for little favors a lot lately like getting her water, filling her water bottle, scratch her back, etc; I will stop asking and/or begging for sex and will initiate physically or through being indirect and implying that I want to fuck her; I will pay my wife back the majority of the money I owe her; I will continue my lifting in the gym and saving for a coach again; I will continue doing all of the household chores and not neglecting my basic responsibilities; I will continue to think of new ways to game/tease my wife every day and enact them; I will put some more thought into my mission and attempt to come closer to a decision on it.
[–]SBIIIMRP APPROVED 4 points5 points6 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]loveisconditional1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
I‘m not out-of-shape, but I‘m not in great shape either. I‘m working on getting in the condition I was prior to Covid, if not greater.
I‘ve lifted weights for 13 years. I‘m not new to weight training. I was varsity weightlifting in high-school and I‘ve kept it up ever since.
Also, I agree on pursuing the mission. I agree completely… I‘ve been putting a great deal of more thought into it and I‘m getting closer to starting it. I know action proves my want, and I haven’t taken action yet, so I’m all talk for now, but I intend on proving it soon. There’s still a small bit more I need to muster over with the idea + a little I need to buy.
Next, I‘m buying a coach. I‘m already lifting 5x a week and fully understand programming and basic progressive-overload. Not gonna attempt to convince you why a coach is worthwhile but I will be getting one.
Things I‘ll do this week, I think I can accomplish all of these. It’s mostly NOT doing things I used to. We‘ll see.
Lastly, you’re right I need new clothes.
[–]SBIIIMRP APPROVED 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]loveisconditional1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
You’re tiring to reply to. I‘ve already made my claims. My responses are verbatim.
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]arm_candy 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]aussie_darrowUnplugging -1 points0 points1 point (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]SBIIIMRP APPROVED 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]loveisconditional1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
„Things I Will Do This Week“ is a plan.
[–]SBIIIMRP APPROVED 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Blarg_RisenMRP MODERATOR | Married 0 points1 point2 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (12 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Blarg_RisenMRP MODERATOR | Married 2 points3 points4 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]loveisconditional1 points [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link
I need to make more money, yes. However I won’t negotiate how I spend my money, nor am I interested in convincing you.
[–]Blarg_RisenMRP MODERATOR | Married 2 points3 points4 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]loveisconditional1 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
I responded to every comment. You‘re the one here taking „nah“ personally.
You want internet brownie points and for me to say you won?
Okay bro, you won.
[–]Blarg_RisenMRP MODERATOR | Married 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]fix-the-manUnplugging 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]loveisconditional1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
I‘m not trying to get in your panties.
Yeah I get it. DARE not DEER. Hold muh frame. Ego bad.
Here’s a post of mine under a different account: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/q71qu3/the_mrp_mods_are_all_faggots_other_shit/
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married[M] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathy1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Banned for ban evasion.
You're one dumb fucking ego fuck.
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sparkling_truth1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I would focus my efforts on the money part for now. Feel to share more about you job/education/income/expenses? I'll be happy to share some tips. You are 24 mate, one life only. Don't waste in on minimum wage.
[–]Along-The-ReedsGrinding / Dread boosted 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]R288DRO 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]red_bond 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MonstrousRocket 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]MonstrousRocket 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]Blarg_RisenMRP MODERATOR | Married 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]fix-the-manUnplugging 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MonstrousRocket 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sparkling_truth1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
OYS 8
Stats: Male | 29 Years Old | No kids | 7 years relationship married since 2 | 182 Lbs (83kg) | SW: 231Lbs (105 Kg) Dec 2020 | 5.11" (181 Cm), BF TB
Lifts: Bench 160 Lbs | Deadlifts 300 LBs | Overhead Press 130 LBs
Diet: 2000kcal
Read: them all.
Reading now: you are a badass and rereading WISNIFG
Intro
Good week, productive and feeling happy. Love to be in control of my thoughts.
Career and Finance
Nothing interesting to report from previous weeks. Finally slowly back in office so I could have a better hand at my tasks and cleaned some old work. Preparing for the high season at my job and expecting work to ramp up. We made some new hires for my team so I'm getting some help and will try my best to be a good mentor to them. Not planning to be a retarded boss but work with them and mentor them to grow up in their career. I'll keep a good attitude when deserved while creating an interesting working environment.
Financial part still the best part of my MAP, made some fat investments this week.
Mission and life purpose
"My mission and life purpose is to enjoy as many meaningful and deep experiences with the people I care for and whom deserve to share them with me. Making sure that I can look back and feel that no time was wasted in the process. I want to live my life fully with great experiences all over the world and with great people without losing myself in playing the humanity rat race to survival. I want to become the best version of myself so that I can be in the centre of my world, share with others the best of myself and feel proud of what I did and became".
I came out with my mission and life purpose last week. What I did this week for it:
Called a good friend of mine for a day out doing sport together. We had fun, I enjoyed the time with him and have some good memories. He is more trained than me so to keep up I got quite physically tired, but was a good challenge. We also made a catch up of our life and was happy to reconnect.
Spent at least 30 mins to 1 hour each day focusing to my wife each night without distractions. Just chatting or doing things together. Overall funny, helps to connect more. As I mentioned before I applied too much dread lately and had to slow down things a little as the building was shaking too much. I don't like it.
Still researching about visa requirements and other countries as I plan to relocate. I have figure out some options and laying down the plan for the move next year.
Arranged a day out with my wife in nature. I planned everything from the place to the logistic. Came out quite well, physically tired but got both moving.
For the self improvement part refer to OYS
Had some fun time with colleagues, focusing on the conversation and adding value to it.
Mental health
My mental health is at all time high. I feel self centered, good mood, creative and mentally sharp. I keep meditating whenever I feel down and never been in such control of my thoughts. There is an internal positive talk ongoing which is keeping me up and I'm happy to feel in control of it. Still doing therapy although I feel I solved what I started it for. However, it is a nice talk and sometimes digging into myself come out more useful then I thought. As my life becomes more interesting I don't feel "boring" anymore and I can keep conversations sharp and interesting.
Fitness
Feeling physically tired. Did a lot of biking, walking and home workouts. No results in terms of weight or body composition, everything is flat. I upped a bit the calorie this week as I was moving a lot and feeling drained. Disappointed by how the cut didn't play out at all over these 3 months. I'm not sure what I did wrong. Probably workouts were not challenging enough and I didn't give my best during lockdowns. Gyms should reopen in the next 2-3 weeks and looking forward to it. As summer approach and having a private swimming pool, I'll introduce the following workout:
2x morning swimming/week 3x run/week 2x yoga/week 6x lifts PPL/week
Ill up calories to 2500 and reassess from there. It should get something moving.
Relationship
Things have been better lately. Relationship is more stable and I feel happy in it. I have slowed down the dread and especially the attitude playing well comfort test and reducing the flips on shit test. Sex was initiated by my wife in any sexual interaction and PIV is getting better, I would say we had the first real time this week, came out natural and passionate. I felt like doing interracial dirty talks this week as we are a mix couple and it did well. Not giving too much details. I still can't orgasm from PIV tho, at the beginning was funny to think that I could last 1 hour, now is starting to piss me off.
As I also went back to office, not being together 24 hours a day helped a lot.
Final check up
Happy with where I am and where I'm going. Main focus for now remain keeping my mental health well in check and the fitness part, which is the weakest in my MAP. Laid out some plans and let's see what I can do here this quarter.
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