Casual sex or short flings are more likely to be fulfilling for guys than relationship sex

wtknight · 2022-07-05T20:11:54+00:00

I would think that women would be willing to have the kinkiest sex with men whom they trust rather than with strange men whom they don’t trust.

AltACCboyos · 2022-07-05T20:00:41+00:00

Women definitely are not more relaxed when they have casual sex. They're often more reserved, usually drunk and don't know your particular preferences/ kinks.

All the exploration happens with either boyfriends, husband's or fuck buddies. They also know your particular turn ons and can cater to that.

herefortheparty01 · 2022-07-05T19:53:52+00:00

Best sex is relationship sex. I’m a dude

delight-n-angers · 2022-07-05T19:51:13+00:00

Of course casual sex is better for men. They don't actually have to care about getting their casual partners off. That's exactly why I don't have casual sex with men, I like to cum too.

toasterchild · 2022-07-05T19:19:14+00:00

If sex is all you want out of relationships with women that makes sense. Most people who want relationships are willing to accept sex that is a little less wild.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-07-05T19:17:58+00:00

Yes, cause two people are automatically going to be able to give their best performance with zero experience with the other person. That’s just logic!

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-05T19:55:13+00:00

So why do you assume that only attractive looking men get casual sex? It sounds like the guys not getting casual sex are trying to pretend they are boyfriend material and expect their woman to be low n count and adhere to expectations vs the guy who accepts women as they are, understands their nature, which is that they want sex as much as men as long as it doesn't cost them loss of reputation or respect. It's a self imposed problem.

Lysa_Bell · 2022-07-05T19:35:08+00:00

I don't agree with the way you describe casual sex for women. But I do agree that guys like casual sex.they can be less invested and will gain so much more from casual sex. That's why they love it. And they don't have to care about the woman. They can just focus on their own pleasure. It's usually quite disappointing for women.

Wooden_Worker_3107 · 2022-07-05T20:11:54+00:00

there are hot guys who can have sex right away and there are not-as-hot regular guys, who need to prove that they're good relationship material before there's any sexual intimacy.

I am a regular guy and I never had to prove myself beforehand if I escalated towards sex. If I wanted first date sex I mostly had it.

Women have told me they're more relaxed with casual sex guys because they have nothing to prove or worry about being seen a certain way.

had casual sex several times and women were actually way less relaxed.

Casual sex is built on real physical attraction and passion.

and relationship sex is not?

mavis_03 · 2022-07-05T20:30:46+00:00

For most women the sex is better in relationships. Casual encounters feel empty to me personally, may be exciting at first to get with the "hot" guy, then you realize they don't give a shit about you and are mediocre at best.

ex-turpi-causa · 2022-07-05T22:22:38+00:00

Does this mean that men in relationships are degrading themselves had the woman they're with had casual sex in the past? In my opinion it's incredibly degrading.

jah-roole · 2022-07-05T21:28:03+00:00

I’m sorry but that is nonsense. The conclusion does not follow the examples as that is just an opinion. I slept with A LOT of women in my life and to me long term relationship sex is significantly better than casual sex with someone new. This may of course depend on an individual. Sexually inexperienced men will fuck their long term partner the same way they will fuck someone new. This might be why so many women are sexually unsatisfied with their partners. I am convinced this is lack of experience or lack of willingness to learn and explore or poor communication or some combination of all or some of those things.

OhDestinyAltMine · 2022-07-05T19:57:41+00:00

Counterpoint: even “Chads” are often dumpster diving for casual sex. The way women complain about hookups often acting is textbook “guy is not remotely attracted to her as a human but needs his dick wet.”

At least at first, Main girl sex is better than hookup sex because the girl is hotter and you have feelings (not even mushy lovey feelings, just FEELINGS) toward her.

If this wasn’t true, apex men would never have main girls. Like obviously truly top men are often bad at monogamy, so why do they get into the mess of a main girl/wife when it would be simpler to just cruise and nut? It’s not JUST because they want relationship benefits. It’s also because it’s just a more intense experience fucking a girl you idealize and want to claim somehow. Casual sex is nice but it’s often more like smashing a big messy slice of pizza when you’re drunk: kind of gross afterward. The manosphere obsession with it is mostly about validation and the “meta” of the perceived hierarchy. Those things aren’t even always FALSE, it’s just validation doesn’t necessarily make you cum harder.

NockerJoe · 2022-07-05T20:04:37+00:00

If the sex is good you probably want to do it again. Likewise if you actually like her as a person you probably want to do other stuff. A lot of women complain men will leave for some other woman or not stick around but they never really make the connection to what it is they were lacking.

Old-Information-5233 · 2022-07-05T20:36:55+00:00

Nothing even remotely beats sex with a connection and feelings. I have my fair share of experiences and I talked with a lot of my friends about that, there is not even a comparison between the two. They are almost separate things, its soo different.

boofthegirl · 2022-07-05T21:31:41+00:00

I would be much more likely to do kinky stuff with my fiancé because I know him and I trust him. I know he loves me and won’t hurt me (outside of the realm of what I want lol).

Hookups and ONS are not worth it for most women anymore. At best, you’ll likely just get mediocre sex and, at worst, you’ll be Ted Bundy-ed.

2022-07-05T22:30:47+00:00

I think the issue is that casual sex or hookups have become way easier to do than marriage. If I remember right, back in the day (I am not saying that the past was better, just making an example) if you wanted to do casual sex you needed to do it secretly. Like how a teenager sneaks out of his room or just tries to secretly meet with his crush to kiss and eventually have sex with her. Nowadays casual sex or hookups have become so easy, there is literally no repercussion, everyone does it openly, posts it openly on their social media even and people who go the marriage route usually are being looked down at, shamed and judged.

I think that is why see casual sex being more rewarding than marriage nowadays. If we would make marriages easier than casual sex, I believe the majority of men and women would prefer marriage.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-07-05T22:50:05+00:00

No. Casual sex can be more validating, but that's it. Relationship sex is "better."You know how to please each other and you're emotionally invested in making other happy.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-07-05T23:15:17+00:00

For a guy who can only get sex through a relationship, yes, but if you're capable of getting both, the emotions take sex to another level

infinitofluxo · 2022-07-06T00:25:17+00:00

Too much effort for a regular guy to get casual sex.

DerekMorganBAUxx · 2022-07-06T18:50:50+00:00

Relationship sex falls off a cliff but can start strong with passion though. Casual flings definitely gets the best though in a short time frame due to low expectations

Luciansleep · 2022-07-05T21:44:04+00:00

Counterpoint: casual sex is NOT built on real physical attraction and passion for women. Men get casual sex largely by being in the right place at the right time and being easily forgettable.

2022-07-05T20:37:09+00:00

I hate casual sex. I'm a dude.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-07-05T20:38:11+00:00

Once again, PPD generalizes men and women alike. I'm not saying there are no women who think the way you presented, but it's not a majority. How many women never even have casual sex?

I personally would never be in a LTR with a guy that I didn't feel raw attraction for. I had one instance of casual sex before, and the sex that I have in my current relationship doesn't even feel like the same category of activity. I'd never let a casual partner do the things I let my boyfriend do. Sex is undoubtedly the best when you are 100%comfortable with someone, feel love for them and know they feel love for you too.

ViolentTakeByForce · 2022-07-05T20:50:58+00:00

For me personally, casual sex without some kind of relationship, even basic, it’s not as fun. Not saying I need a full on relationship but at least enjoying the company of the person. Male speaking here.

2022-07-05T20:57:15+00:00

Definitely, not from a ONS though. More when they are a casual (plate). You get the honeymoon faze without the costs and liability of marrage, its a win win for the man. The ultimate is to find a plate that will go on an actual honeymoon with you. Book a trip away for a naughty weekend and have the time of your life.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-07-05T22:07:15+00:00

Maybe if you elicit that response from someone you've just met. I don't, so I have no idea if passion really can be ignited so quickly. For the less stellar and more cautious among us sex can, believe it or not, be more passionate once we are more comfortable with one another.

This sub careens between marriage and casual sex; there are exceptions but most people do both badly. Consider the middle way.

DXBrigade · 2022-07-05T22:32:43+00:00

I had 2 ONS, both times the sex was mediocre, I doubt the guys enjoyed it either. I noticed that very few men enjoy casual sex for the sake of it, most of them just crave the validation.

2022-07-05T23:40:34+00:00

You contradict youself so much in this god forsaken shithole of a post, i dont even know where to start. Its so adamantly clear youvr never had casual sex or relationship sex.

taco_smasher69 · 2022-07-06T02:10:33+00:00

I know everyone’s experiences will differ but mine and OP line up quite nicely. My ex was a robot in bed. She was also way more attractive than me. Some friends once said she could have modeled. Our sex life just sucked lemons. It was an obligation for her as much as my paying the bills was my duty to our marriage. Only mine was mandatory. Honesty I preferred masturbating over sex with her.

Fast forward to me finding a tinder hookup and…holy shit it was life changing. My FWB was not as attractive (maybe a 6 vs my ex who was a 9) but the sex was mind blowingly good. It was supposed to be a fling but the sex was so good we kept extending the benefits.

ashleyrose56 · 2022-07-06T06:29:50+00:00

No way. If a woman has feelings for their partner, she will allow things that the one night stand would never get. If anything, casual sex is masturbating with a body for men, and disappointing for most women.

cuckspace · 2022-07-06T18:39:38+00:00

The best sex for men is recurring casual sex. Friends with benefits. You learn each other’s kinks and build up trust, but it’s sporadic enough so that you don’t become bored because of familiarity or annoyed because of how they act outside the bedroom. No social obligations, emotional dumping etc. If it happens you can leave and come back when you have forgotten about it and are both horny.

Simpin--Aint--Easy · 2022-07-05T19:40:42+00:00

Not for me. I get better the more times I have sex with someone. I suck at ONS.

TheSnowyPlover · 2022-07-05T20:09:10+00:00

Yea but…few men have the ability to consistently attract women for routine casual sex.

The ultimate situation IMO is not casual sex, but short to medium term serial monogamy—I.e. date for a year, break up when she withholds sex, passion dies, etc.

Notice that I’m not advocating for marriage here. The unfortunate reality in 90% of long term relationships is that women in particular tend to lose their sexual attraction toward their partners much more profoundly than men. Although the studies already exist demonstrating this, the gentleman in audience can see this in their own relationships by using what I like to call the “blowjob barameter”. You simply take the number of blowjobs you received in the past year and divide it by the number you received in the first year of your relationship—this exercise will undoubtedly be eye opening for many men who have been in 5+ year relationships

sarkington · 2022-07-05T19:18:43+00:00

I promise you everyone already knows that men like sex best

bluestjuice · 2022-07-05T20:12:44+00:00

I don’t agree that casual sex is purer and less transactional, but I agree it can be simpler in some ways. With casual sex the sex is only about the exchange of pleasure. Effectively everyone is setting aside the more complicated aspects of personhood and compatibility and just doing this one thing.

It’s sort of like the difference between the interaction between a server at a restaurant and the friend who invites you over to dinner. The server interaction is brief, focused, and its success is high as long as there are no major clashes. With the friend, you’re still getting served dinner, but now the dynamic has a lot more going on, deeper expectations, and you’d use more tact if something wasn’t to your liking because you care about that person aside from the meal.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-07-05T20:15:18+00:00

No way. I've had plenty of both. While the best single instance of sex was indeed casual, the best overall is definitely NRE sex where you're <6mo in a LTR but you've committed

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-07-05T20:27:18+00:00

I'd say relationship sex can be a lot better due to getting to know what works together, but you are right that it can also become stale and become a reluctant routine.

Longjumping_Mud7294 · 2022-07-06T07:42:44+00:00

Despite being as ugly as a deformed horse I did have a few one night stands when I was younger. Some were unrewarding and depressing, others were great and will stick in my memory forever. Sometimes you get lucky.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-07-06T08:25:14+00:00

By many women's own admission, there are hot guys who can have sex right away and there are not-as-hot regular guys, who need to prove that they're good relationship material before there's any sexual intimacy.
It then follows that casual sex is more likely to be fulfilling for men than relationship sex.

Explain this logical leap.

just_a_place · 2022-07-07T07:49:47+00:00

I haven't had that deep committed relationship sex yet so I don't have that frame of reference but I can definitely vouch for the fact that flings and FWB sex is mighty good.

Call me crazy but from past experience with love I believe that if I ever actually fall in love with a woman again (which I don't believe will ever happen again) sex with her will not be as much of a priority as with the girl's I'm dating now.

Your priorities change when you love a woman. You view of her is completely different than the way you see any other woman in the world.

cvslengthbucketlist · 2022-07-05T20:00:54+00:00

Casual sex may be more exciting because it's more unfamiliar, sure. But it absolutely can be transactional, it's just that the commodity you're trading for is a nice body or a pretty face.

In the end it's about self-interest and maximizing pleasure, everyone benefits. There's no sacrifice or altruism involved.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-07-05T20:24:12+00:00

What about casual sex that turns into a relationship?

But I do disagree, when you know what someone likes itssso much easier to please them, to explore their fantasies etc

PurplePillEric · 2022-07-05T19:26:36+00:00

I'm a bit biased because at the moment I'm having the best sex I've ever had with my GF of under 6 months.

Casual sex can also be a total letdown.

The one thing casual sex can offer that relationship sex can't is the feeling of achievement. The conquest. The "I saw her, I gamed her, I got her panties off" feeling.

So in that respect you're on to something.

This is a side not and not related to your point, but of course relationships offer more than sex (cooking, cleaning, companionship). You can get those things from plates but in my experience it's been way better in a new LTR. We'll see how it pans out as time goes on.

2022-07-06T00:18:46+00:00

I don’t get this. To me, NO guy can have sex right away. None. Where is this assumption that women give away free sex and then to you as a poor bastard she will settle down for. According to a statistic it’s the same men women want STR and LTR with.

The only situation where I can see it happening is when a woman does it because she wants a relationship with him and hopes sex convinces him. But that’s if anything with the relationship incentive. Most women don’t do things like that and it’s the man that pursues her.

Theorethically speaking I couldn’t have good sex within a STR because I wouldn’t feel relaxed enough. I wouldn’t even be turned on enough, even if the guy looks good and ”behaves” sexy.

As with ”intense” or ”kinky” sex or whatever, it’s a sign of complete trust. I don’t think that happens in STR, why would a woman who already gave away sex free give away a man actually dominating her physically which is lite giving away sex but on drugs i.e. x1000.

SOME women have Madonna whore complex (but even I have it and I’m not like that) and don’t want it with their partner because ”what if he thinks I’m slutty and will not want me anymore” whereas they don’t think the ONS will judge them. But that’s retarded and I think not the norm.

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SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-07-05T20:24:20+00:00

What about casual sex that turns into a relationship?

But I do disagree, when you know what someone likes itssso much easier to please them, to explore their fantasies etc

SmakeTalk · 2022-07-05T20:57:08+00:00

This is true if all you want is casual sex with a new person. Personally I'll never get more hard or more satisfied than when I'm with someone who 1) knows what I like and already knows how/when to do it, and 2) is comfortable enough with me already to fully enjoy themselves.

It's literally like crack for me, whereas casual sex honestly never felt satisfying. If anything, casual sex just felt like "chasing the dragon" where I had one good hookup years before and I was constantly trying to match that and it usually failed.

edgyny · 2022-07-05T22:07:17+00:00

Could be true but I suspect your reasoning to explain it as having anything to do with the woman's behavior is projection.

Guys are likely less invested and less inhibited with strangers and that leads to a simpler and easier sexual experience for them.

Yummylicky23 · 2022-07-05T22:21:38+00:00

I mean doesn’t that depend on the person? You can’t tell a man that prefers the intimacy of a relationship that no he actually wants only sex

Also have you only had mediocre sex i relationships or something? What’s up with the assertion it’s always worse?

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-07-05T23:17:28+00:00

As a woman, I disagree. It's highly improbable that casual sex, specially a one night stand can be satisfying, because woman's sexuality is complex and there's a very small chance a random man will get it right the first time.

Catherine772023 · 2022-07-05T23:31:53+00:00

But a relationship can be more fulfilling if there’s an emotional connection.

Just make sure she’s enthusiastic and attracted and it’s all good. If she’s settling you can dump her. If you get to know someone you’ll know if they really want it.

Esoteric-Wanderlust · 2022-07-05T23:50:52+00:00

I guess it depends on what you find fulfilling. I have zero interest in casual sex. Intimacy with someone you're actually in love with is 1,000x better in my experience, for too many reasons to list. I'm not a stunt-cock. I'm not keyed that way and don't want to be either.

WYenginerdWY · 2022-07-06T00:40:15+00:00

What a weird way to say men should place no value on interpersonal intimacy.

Puttix · 2022-07-06T00:41:49+00:00

I (m) was getting plenty of casual sex from dating apps and girls I met going out... I much prefer being in an LTR. This post smells of faeces.

2022-07-06T01:09:18+00:00

Which women are you referring to ? The ones I come across are paranoid about stds as they should be and they complain about hook up culture taking over.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-07-06T01:38:45+00:00

I can’t speak for all women, but I am less inhibited sexually in a relationship, and I would guess most women are the same. People are usually at least a bit nervous with a new partner, you don’t know what each other like, and no trust has been built. Most women also do not orgasm during a hookup, statistically speaking. So while it may boost your ego to put another notch on the bedpost, chances are she faked it and left unsatisfied. Which some men care about, others don’t, but happens to be one of the reasons women tend to lose interest in hookups. There’s no emotional component, and the physical component is usually disappointing, so then why bother?

Now on the flip side, yes, sex in a long-term relationship can become routine after a while if no effort is made to keep things interesting. The best sex is usually going to be during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, but as long as both people are on the same page, it can get better as they learn and explore more. A lot of that has to do with the overall health of the relationship, too.

2022-07-06T01:46:30+00:00

This post really shows guys on here lack of sexual experience. If you had actually had one night stands you would often know they are emotionless and kind of awkward. Whereas relation sex is passionate and full of love.

KaleidoscopeEyes12 · 2022-07-06T02:11:55+00:00

Relationship sex is better because you can work to make things better and better each time. As someone in a relationship, I’m having way better sex than any of my friends participating in hook up culture lol. I know it may be a little different for men but my point still stands.

Responsible_File_529 · 2022-07-06T03:01:55+00:00

I'm the type of dude that values emotional connection relationship depth. For me, sex in these relationships, where there is trust, especially emotional trust, make everything, including sex, much better.

Blaphrodite · 2022-07-06T03:05:15+00:00

Casual sex is not relaxing for most women. Unless they are working through some issues. It’s not my gig. I’m after my O and since he doesn’t know what I like, he is unlikely to get me there. Might as well lay there and be a starfish.

Not really worth my energy

ChickenInPlaid2201 · 2022-07-06T03:28:17+00:00

May I offer a counterclaim. Personally, I care for a touch of class and prefer relationships over all. I mean nothing beats looking into the eyes of someone you truely love deeply whilst running the ole "three legged marathon". Hear me out, every touch is electric and when the two of you finally well...Connect, It's like a shockwave of intimacy.

KayRay1994 · 2022-07-06T03:37:37+00:00

I meann… i’ve heard opposing accounts from women about relationship vs casual sex - so we really can’t generalize, especially with a topic that’s so fueled by personal preference.

As for myself, i’ve found relationship sex to be better since there is that emotional link + there is that factor of wanting to please your partner (and if it’s mutual both ways, even better), in a healthy relationship you create a space for open feedback and experimentation - problem a lot of relationships, especially the ones where sex becomes transactional, aren’t exactly healthy to begin with

MetaphysicPhilosophy · 2022-07-06T15:26:27+00:00

I disagree with this entirely. Obviously you haven’t had a lot of casual sex. Casual sex in the long-term is empty and not fulfilling. With a loving partner, sex can be amazing. Of course each guy has their own preference, but most of the guys I’ve been with have told me that casual sex gets old after awhile, especially because of the lack of emotional connection. Most guys want intimacy and they just don’t know it. Sure, sex can get boring in a relationship, but that just means you are not in the right one.

7186997326 · 2022-07-06T16:30:05+00:00

Relationship sex is more fulfilling because you don't have a wear a condom.

AnonPinkLady · 2022-07-06T18:59:10+00:00

I've had a lot of ONS and having sex with someone I have a connection with has always been better, just way better. There is a big difference for me between obligation sex and "making love" so to speak.

ProseccoIsLife · 2022-07-07T09:16:27+00:00

I didn't engage in causal sex mostly because I can't imagine being relaxed with a random guy, trust him enough to introduce anything more than classic PIV sex and even then I would probably have to share my location with a friend. And I would definitely not try to "please someone into becoming my partner" via physical intimacy. I can't see the ONS as nothing more than having fun with a person who is gonna disappear from your life tomorrow - why would anyone bother to go all the way out to please them?

Even in FwB, which I tried once, letting myself loose was off the table, but that's mostly because the guy was focused on doing things according to his kinks. Right now my sex life is much more "vanilla", but there is exactly zero obligations (while with FwB it was natural that meeting had to include sex), I don't feel embarrassed of natural sounds bodies make cause I feel emotionally safe with my SO and we both know our communication styles, so we can effectively point to what we like and don't like, which makes sex better.

Admirable_Bass8867 · 2022-07-07T15:22:27+00:00

Most people commenting are wrong. The original post is wrong too. The logical fallacy is "false choice".

Sometimes casual sex is better than relationship sex because some women are better at sex than others (regardless of the duration of the relationship).

Some women get better at sex over time. Some will always think sex is taboo or dirty and don't get better.

Some women perform better when a relationship is new based on infatuation and lust.

Even the most inhibited women will have sex on the first or second date. And, some of those women perform better early and much worse later on. Did we all collectively forget about pregnancy or how their libido fluctuates over time?

Women can get better AND worse at sex over time.

It seems like most answers here are to argue the point rather than reflect and provide accurate responses.

decoy88 · 2022-07-08T09:51:27+00:00

Speaking from experience, my gf is the best sex I’ve had. Sure, she was top tier when I met her, but she’s even better now cus she knows my body inside out and can push all the buttons to make me cum (which can be notoriously difficult for women to do in my case).

Relationship sex has more time to get better.

Title	Casual sex or short flings are more likely to be fulfilling for guys than relationship sex
Author	-passepar2t-
Upvotes	49
Comments	237
Date	July 5, 2022 7:15 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vs5onp/casual_sex_or_short_flings_are_more_likely_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/casual-sex-or-short-flings-are-more-likely-to-be.1122898 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122898

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