Men and women cannot be friends because the woman would still expect the man to do all the same stuff that a boyfriend or husband would do.

lle-ell · 2022-12-16T04:25:00+00:00

If you help someone move you can't be friends? I helped my female friend move, are we not friends now? Huh.

VTHokie2020 · 2022-12-16T02:17:59+00:00

I have not had women friends expect these things from me. At most I've given them rides to the airport, just like I give my guy friends occasionally.

Yeah I do think it's hard for a single man and single woman to be good friends without one becoming attracted to the others. But you don't need to simp for any of your friends like that unless you want to.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2022-12-16T04:15:31+00:00

Huh dude? Never had a female friend ask anything of me that a male friend hasn't asked. Kill spiders or make them feel safe or reach high places? Nope, never happened.

Her: "Hey, I don't know how to do electrical work, can you come show me how to change out the chandelier. Pizza and bear are on me"

Me: "bet, what time?"

Her: "Hey, I'm moving this weekend. Pizza and beer on me if you come and help"

Me: "bet, what time?"

I've had both male and female friends ask about those two. That's what friends of any gender are for.

gopher_glitz · 2022-12-16T02:41:21+00:00

Don't simp then

thetruthishere_ · 2022-12-16T02:44:52+00:00

I have female friends for that or do it myself. LOL

I have asked some men over the years for help but I pay them/repay the favor.

Sure some people out there use people.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-12-16T02:22:28+00:00

why does that mean they can’t be friends? my best guy friend has changed my tire a few times in the years we’ve been friends. i always say thanks with dinner and a pitcher of beer or something. sure, it’s fucked up if it’s one sided, but usually friendships are reciprocal

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-12-16T04:21:47+00:00

Guess all of my past male friends have been crappy...they didnt do this.

OP are you 15 years old?

MyLastBestChance · 2022-12-16T03:00:43+00:00

Lol. Literally yesterday I replaced a light fixture for a male friend 🤣.

This reads like the grumbling of a boy who is afraid of girls and is looking for excuses by saying that those girls are dummy-heads who have cooties anyway 🤣

fiftypoundpuppy · 2022-12-16T04:47:39+00:00

I agree OP. Allow me to add to "all the same stuff that a boyfriend or husband would do":

file taxes
raise children
take care of parents/in-laws
go on vacations
plan estates
have sex

Seriously what a fucking stupid argument.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-12-16T07:52:01+00:00

I'm married and have plenty of male friends. They do none of the things you listed

KirthWGersen · 2022-12-16T06:57:04+00:00

I tend to find that in return for those things my female friends:

- Cook me meals

- Ply me with wine.

- Have sex with me.

- Introduce me to their friends.

Seems like a good deal to me.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-12-16T02:27:10+00:00

Believe it or not there are in fact normal people who are capable of having friendships that aren't diet indentured servitude^TM

MarBitt · 2022-12-16T07:45:37+00:00

If I do these things, she will be like:

advise me on choosing clothes, cooking, gifts for other women
reach small and narrow places
helping me move (packing and cleaning)
doing various little annoying things for me that she is good at

If not, then we are not friends, but she is simply trying to use me and offer nothing in return. Or maybe I just do charity by choice and for my own pleasure.

No_Speech_2309 · 2022-12-16T02:33:47+00:00

Also none of these things are boyfriend/Husband things. It’s bc ur taller or u have knowledge of appliances or if ur helping them move idk a lot of people help their friends move. As for spiders she probably just thinks you’re braver than her

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-12-16T05:11:18+00:00

Translation: “All the female friends I’ve ever had weren’t actually my friends- I was simping for them.”

This list reads like the tv sitcom version of a typical a heterosexual relationship and what the typical woman wants out of one.

Reach high places.

There’s some pretty simple technology for that that’s been around for millennia.

Check the appliances.

Check what? What does this one even mean?

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-12-16T02:49:03+00:00

No, that’s not why. Friends do stuff for friends. Like I will reach things for my shorter female friends, take care of spiders and snakes for those who are afraid, and generally help in any way I can, provided they help me too sometimes. And my boyfriend will often do “dad” stuff for his male friends, like changing a tire or fixing something in the house.

Men and women usually can’t be friends because most men don’t befriend women they aren’t attracted to. There are, of course, exceptions.

Birb-brained · 2022-12-16T08:30:38+00:00

Would I do any of those things for a female friend if I could? Yes. I don’t understand the post. That’s not ‘boyfriend’ stuff. That’s being a helpful person stuff.

NakedStreets · 2022-12-16T02:24:32+00:00

I have male friends that have never been to my house.

saraimarsena · 2022-12-16T02:41:22+00:00

reach high places

i’m taller than my female friends. they ask me to reach stuff for them. tallest person in the room naturally gets expected to reach. does that stress men out?

make her feel safe

god forbid you make your friend feel safe when you’re able to

help her move

again, not gender specific

check the appliances

what? are people’s appliances regularly on the fritz?

overall I think it’s weird that OP picked things that any best friend could do for the other, regardless of gender. personally, a man who has platonic female friends is laugh attractive to me because it shows he can value a woman’s company outside of being a sex object.

KikiYuyu · 2022-12-16T06:30:15+00:00

Damn, guess I gotta tell my friends I gotta drop out of the pathfinder game and we can't be friends anymore. I might ask them for a favour someday and that would just be going too fucking far.

Carloverguy20 · 2022-12-16T04:26:08+00:00

Sometimes I wonder about the people who subscribe to this ideology, you all need to go outside and touch grass.

Those things are the bare minimum though, and doing those things are good, you should make her feel safe, and if she needs help, feel free to help her out, but that is if she asks for it.

I've protected some good female friends and made them feel safe, these are just basic common decency here.

Terrible_Terrance · 2022-12-16T19:53:05+00:00

I always find the idea that "Men and women can't be friends" so dumb because by that logic a gay man can't be friends with another man and a gay woman can't be friends with another woman. It's a stupid argument that just exposes that the person saying it only values the sex their attracted to as nothing more than a potential partner. Would you not reach high places for a male friend that's short? Make another one of your male friends feel safe? Or help them move?

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-12-16T02:44:24+00:00

The only one of these I have ever seen is 'check the appliances'.

Also what do you think happens when a girl dates another girl? Or what housewives do when they're doing pest control or have to dust on top of the tall kitchen cabinets or aren't dating anyone and move to a new city?

Most people ask or pay (with money, pizza, or beer) a group of friends to help them move, not just a singular romantic partner. Usually it takes more than one pair of extra helping hands to move.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2022-12-16T06:10:47+00:00

Touch grass, seriously.

None of these things are things that are husband/boyfriend level and women do them on their own (except the moving thing, my female and male friends have helped out on that one sometimes) and some of them that you do for friends because that's what friends are for. I've helped my shorter friends, both men and women, get things from a higher place. Are we dating now?

Check the appliances.

This is probably the one the irked me the most, because I'm so damn tired of guys acting like they know how to fix stuff just by virtue of being men. You don't have some great knowledge of the microwave's inner workings because you were born with a penis, my guy. Most men I know are as capable as fixing a broken applieance as most women, meaning they aren't capable at all.

northernlights190 · 2022-12-16T02:26:47+00:00

I’ve never asked my guy friends to do any of these things, except maybe a couple times a guy friend has offered to walk me to my car for safety but I mean, I really don’t see where that conflicts with us being friends.

RGL137 · 2022-12-16T02:22:16+00:00

It’s impossible to be friends if one has unrequited feelings.

Fearless_Trouble_168 · 2022-12-16T02:26:45+00:00

I've never asked a guy friend to do any of these things.

It's true some women use their guy friends. I knew a couple of girls like that in my 20s, but I found it hard to respect them because of that.

But the idea it's a hard fast rule that all women use guy friends as pseudo-boyfriends is silly, and easily avoided by you as a man having boundaries.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-12-16T11:16:18+00:00

Is removing (please don't kill them!) spiders and helping your friends with simple tasks really so much of a burden for you? I do this for my friends without thinking, and they'd do the same for me if I couldn't myself. I don't only help out people I'm dating ever abd don't see them as girlfriend/wife jobs. Surely you have friends that help you sometimes and you help them back because you, you know, like each other?

SegaNaLeqa · 2022-12-16T14:41:19+00:00

Those things you listed, are also things a brother would do.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-12-16T03:14:29+00:00

Only woman I keep as a friend, we've already had sex so the sexual tension is out of the way and she's married to a woman now anyways so that's whatever lol, I've always said men should never be just friends with a woman they're attracted to, it does you no favors, but I will say if there is no attraction on either side, yeah men and women can be friends I do agree that some women are going to take advantage of the boyfriend without having to put out aspect but if you want to test the friendship call her up at 3 in the morning do the monologue from the town and "say I need you to help me dispose of something, I can't tell you what it is and you can never ask me", and if she doesn't comply you know she's not a ride or die and you can kick her to the curb

Although I will say you also have to keep women at a certain level of friendship, one of the reasons you see so much jealousy towards male friendships from women is because they'll never be "one of the boys", not truly

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-12-16T10:46:23+00:00

That’s not how it works, I don’t ask my male friends to do things like that, my husbands female friends don’t expect these things.

What does happen is a friend need help if we can we help, we have good friends that help us out too.

thelajestic · 2022-12-16T11:37:10+00:00

Kill spiders.

Unless they live with you, how are they going to kill or relocate spiders for you? And if you're in the same location as each other and a spider appears, whoever is least scared of them deals with them regardless of gender. If I'm with my sister, I'd deal with a spider because she's terrified of them. I've also got a male friend I'd deal with spiders for. However my husband loves spiders, so if he's about then he'll deal with them, because he likes to let them crawl on his hand and look at them.

Reach high places.

Again reaching high places is not gendered. I'm 5"0, whoever's about that's tall is getting roped into it unless there's a ladder about. And reaching a high place isn't a boyfriend or husband duty, it's just a polite thing to do for people shorter than you - for instance, I will reach things for children as I'm generally taller than some of them.

Make her feel safe.

What does this even entail? I can't think of a single instance in which a male friend, boyfriend or husband has needed to "make me feel safe".

Help her move.

Never in my life have I asked a friend to help me move, or a boyfriend unless we were living together in which case we both have to do it anyway, it's not a favour. My family have occasionally helped me move (50/50 women and men), but I don't think it's really the done thing to ask your friends to help you move, I don't know anyone who does.

Check the appliances.

What does this even mean?? Check them for what? Ghosts? Spiders?

Your post reads like it's a guy who wants to be in a relationship with someone so is hanging about doing random favors that weren't needed or asked for to try and get in there. In that case, I'd agree that very specific male probably can't have female friends. But normal men and women who act like normal people absolutely can be.

MistyMaisel · 2022-12-16T13:25:43+00:00

The high places thing is just about height and politeness. I help children reach stuff and I'm not trying to have a quasi dating relationship. It's just being kind.

Killing spiders is about fear. I expect any person who isn't afraid to deal with the spiders. In return, I deal with the fears of my male friends which typically included sending things back at restaurants, helping make returns on their clothing, and all other manner of scary social situations. Again, it's just being helpful. It isn't dating.

Help me move? I mean, if they wanted to and I'd certainly repay them in pizza and drinks. But I'd never overtly expect this. I'd ask. And if they said no, that's cool. But also, again, I'd help them with life shit I'm good at all the time in return. This is being friends. Men help other men move house. Women help other women move house. This is just caring, it isn't inherently dating.

I don't even know what check the appliances means so maybe that one is dating.

Make me feel safe? Sure. Of course. I'd expect to the degree of our capabilities we try to take care of each other. That's friendship. Not dating. I don't expect him to die for me unless that's where the friendship is at. But otherwise, again, it's just using your skills to take care of your friends. I do the same for them. My skills just don't happen to include telling a creep dude to get lost and them listening. They're more like baking him a cake on his birthday.

Why is this dating? You're telling me you don't help your dudes move, help them with stuff they're afraid of, help cover their back in tense situations by broing up? No wonder men want women. Y'all aren't being friends to each other.

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No_Speech_2309 · 2022-12-16T02:28:05+00:00

You wouldn’t help ur friends w their errands? Idk sometimes I hit up my friends before I go to the grocery store. Trust me they’ll help you when u need it too.

5eggsEveryday · 2022-12-16T03:15:07+00:00

And men must stop simping for women when such situations arise and respectfully refuse tp do any boyfriend stuff. The solution is simple and I don't think it's entirely a woman problem. Men do services gladly even without asking and overly insisting. Imagine yourself around 100 orbiters. You would start using them eventually.

Safinated · 2022-12-16T05:13:01+00:00

Nope

lots of us don’t confuse bfs with friends

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-12-16T06:12:10+00:00

Women don't know how to change energies in a male to female dynamic. Ask strippers starting out - it's wierd for them to make it sexy, if they don't feel it's sexy.

So if the man doesn't know - odds are all relationships will merge towards that of brother sister.

Blame society - it told both men and women that "sparks" just happen. And all you have to do is show up. Well - you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

oneblackcoffeeplease · 2022-12-16T10:29:05+00:00

i expect shit like that from female friends too tho (and ofc i offer the same treatment in return)...like, i basically just care about my friends and want to be taken care of by them as well...if that sort of dynamic is automatically a romantic relationship well..yeah, then every nice gesture and treatment looks like a romantic relationship to you

ManWazo · 2022-12-16T12:45:32+00:00

Men expect their women friend to do girlfriend stuff, like emotionnal support and sex, so I guess it's fair. I dont see why they cant be friends tho, I'm friend with people from all genders and it's going well

hybridcbu · 2022-12-16T16:03:48+00:00

Well yeah it's basically bf without intimacy. Men just love getting exploited by the ladies.

Gilmoregirlin · 2022-12-16T16:04:54+00:00

LOL I have several male friends and quite a few exes that were petrified of spiders, so I was the one that took care of that. I am short I have a stool, but if someone is taller they generally offer to get things, PS lots of women are taller than their male friends. Don't ever ask or need a man to feel safe. My female friends helped me move why would my male friends not? What are they checking for on the appliances? You presume men are all handy I can assure you they are not.

SoIlikeMangos · 2022-12-16T18:22:08+00:00

Come on

DLifts777 · 2022-12-16T19:08:37+00:00

Posts like this convince me most of the guys on this subreddit are autistic

IntegrityDJones · 2022-12-16T19:29:35+00:00

I have 8 brothers for all of that. Y’all are weird.

Seriously y’all friend groups don’t just do fun shit? Bowling outings? Arcades? Game nights? Hosting a potluck? Movie nights? Brunch? Holiday parties? Comedy shows? Do you guys even like your friends?!

Stop cosplaying friendship for sex and y’all won’t have these issues.

no202 · 2022-12-16T20:21:59+00:00

Men and women can’t be friends because men expect women to do the emotional labor that their moms would do.

MGTOW_FIR3 · 2022-12-16T23:24:53+00:00

yep, that's why I agree with Myrone from Freshandfit on men having female friends

hydrogen_sulfate · 2022-12-17T01:39:26+00:00

My friend didn’t do something like that yet. I guess I should still wait patiently since all men and women are the same.

QueenKordeilia · 2022-12-17T02:21:23+00:00

TIL that my dad and my brothers cannot be my friends.

2022-12-17T04:24:35+00:00

Don’t make friends with women and avoid being friends with them. Problem solved, everyone wins, you don’t need the sub anymore and are free to find other activities.

AntWillFortune15 · 2022-12-17T06:06:28+00:00

My girl friends do all of those things…looks like I can’t have friends lmao

NewDate6115 · 2022-12-17T09:17:34+00:00

I can do all those things myself and I'm aro-ace. I don't need a boyfriend or husband figure in my life, my friends are my friends. Gender irrelevant.

suj1290 · 2022-12-17T15:55:13+00:00

Desperate friendzone guys act as therapist of girls ,do bf duty ,pay for dinner and any outing they do,fight other guys when she is in danger but don't get any affection in return

TheMedsPeds · 2022-12-20T14:48:52+00:00

Lol, wow. As a tomboy that’s male to female ratio of friends my entire it’s been about 75% to 25% female and never asked my guy friends to do any of that besides move and I also paid the guys for their labor. I’m also about a 4 when it comes to looks and don’t have a very girly style so no, those dudes weren’t orbiters. I was an only child to a hard working single Mom and was stuck with my 3 male cousins most of the times when my Mom was at work, so my personality just turned out very boyish.

Do you just imagine every woman as this stereotype in your head?

Title	Men and women cannot be friends because the woman would still expect the man to do all the same stuff that a boyfriend or husband would do.
Author	No_Reflection_798
Upvotes	37
Comments	162
Date	December 16, 2022 1:45 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zn2uam/men_and_women_cannot_be_friends_because_the_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-and-women-cannot-be-friends-because-the-woman.1143709 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143709

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