Your S.O. sex drive is largely dependent on your physical attractiveness

Yokowi · 2023-08-30T09:14:53+00:00

Im...just not gonna talk about the obviously glaring nonsense in details but tackle the problem itself.

I completely agree. It is LARGELY connected to looks. Just like it is LARGELY connected to foreplay/general chemistry (putting / bcs for me making each other laugh is a foreplay but not for most others). Just like it is LARGELY connected to stress around sex. So,in the end,i might jill off 4x a day but have sex 1x week simply bcs i don't have to worry if i smell sweaty during the deed,or if my liquids are up to partner's standards (i had a guy complain I'm too dry and other im too wet,so...yeah,no thanx.)..for example.

Sillysheila · 2023-08-30T10:06:31+00:00

You have no idea what vaginismus is, it’s not caused by unattractive men. It’s caused by a physiological and psychological response of fear of penetration. Many virgins have it.

Plenty of people that get with their partners during their spell of vaginismus have penetrative sex with them when they get over it.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2023-08-30T07:04:28+00:00

We need to be careful putting too much faith in online stories. In reality, very few of us know how quickly the women we know had sex with their various partners/how often.

retal1ator · 2023-08-30T08:39:32+00:00

I’ve been in relationships with different women, and I kind of agree with what you are saying.

I think that if your man is very attractive and very good at making you comfortable it will be easier for the woman to overcome minor sex issues or boundaries.

Not always, but sometimes women experience issues around sex because they don’t get aroused enough or have mental blocks.

I never had major issues convincing my parter to experiment with things they were not comfortable with previous partners, and in some cases they discovered a higher sex drive with me.

If you don’t get what I mean, imagine having low sex confidence but suddenly being with a bombshell of a woman that makes everything easier for you in bed, I am sure you will get a higher sex drive too, and become more comfortable / explorative.

Or imagine a woman that had only “meh” sex all her life meeting and being with (hypothetical sex god) Henry Cavill. I am quite sure she will be more likely to break any barrier for him.

bluestjuice · 2023-08-30T12:57:49+00:00

Nah bro. If this were true, assuming that my personal attractiveness remained level, all my partners would have effectively similar sex drives.

throwaway1276444 · 2023-08-30T13:12:33+00:00

Maybe, some science back it up. Partner rated attractiveness to oneself and other women, increases frequency of orgasm.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886915001002

Wattehfok · 2023-08-30T07:16:02+00:00

OMFG. Vaginismus is a chronic condition and has nothing to do with how attractive your partner is.

What might be happening is a woman’s new partner actually engages in a little foreplay.

If you MFs are so paranoid about women and relationships - do everyone a favour and just don’t engage with them.

bluepvtstorm · 2023-08-30T09:29:33+00:00

Literally not true at all. Not even a little bit. I am considered on the side of things attractive. I am a black woman so there are going to be people not attracted to me but I am considered conventionally attractive.

I dated a man who every women lusted over. They thought he was the hottest thing since sliced bread turned into toast.

I got to know him and immediately, my vagina was dry as the Sahara. Not interested in sex with him at all.

I have also dated men who are unconventional looking but could spend hours and hours days and days just talking and enjoying their company. Best sex ever.

So yeah, men need to stop basing their beliefs about sex on men and listen to women.

Gravel_Roads · 2023-08-30T09:29:46+00:00

How many times have we heard of women claiming to have vaginismus, only for them to discover that it was only with the previous guy they were with?

N-never? I've never seen this? Like, I could probably count on one hand the number of women I've ever heard even mention vaginismus, and none of them related it to their boyfriends, because it exists even when a woman isn't sexually active (ie, I remember one lady saying she struggled with tampons her whole life ect.)

How many times have we heard of women putting out immediately for men that are tall, good looking, etc., only to have their boyfriend jump through hoops and not even provide a similar amount of affection towards him as to the FWB/ONS?

I've heard a lot of men on this sub say they're AFRAID any partner they get will somehow always pine for a lover she had before them. But that's just how insecurity works - you fear something that MIGHT happen to the point of it impacting whether you even try.

It is common knowledge that the bar for casual sex is much lower than the bar for a long-term relationship, but that's the same for both men and women. You only have to spend a few hours with a casual, and never have to worry about seeing them again if it goes poorly. You share your entire life and hopes and dreams with a long-term partner. Both men AND women benefit from having more hoops for LTR's.

There are countless stories of AF/BB, changes in libido, etc., that can most of the time be attributed to a lack of physical attraction.

If the change was in someone's libido, that means they were attracted but then stopped? Is that one of those "Honey, you got real ugly" things?

Safinated · 2023-08-30T10:24:21+00:00

Then everyone will eventually not have sex because we all become old and unattractive

2023-08-30T07:26:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

OkLingonberryx · 2023-08-30T18:17:37+00:00

Also, men with E.D. just have ugly/fat/disgusting wives or girlfriends.

Most E.D. cases disappear if a guy really has HOT girl in front of him.

slazengerx · 2023-08-30T22:14:02+00:00

There are countless stories of ~~AF/BB,~~ changes in libido, etc., that can most of the time be attributed to ~~a lack of physical attraction.~~ the mere passage of time with the same partner completely regardless of how attractive either is.

Fixed that for you.

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-08-31T00:23:51+00:00

This is true...if she's not putting out regularily,eagerly and enthusiastically..She's not that into you.and let me add willingly meaning it doesn't count if she says "Yes" after 5000 "No's"

obviousredflag · 2023-08-30T08:33:55+00:00

People have a sex drive without having a partner. On what does that sex drive depend?

How many times have we heard of women claiming to have vaginismus, only for them to discover that it was only with the previous guy they were with?

NEVER. Literally NEVER.

How many times have we heard of women putting out immediately for men that are tall, good looking, etc., only to have their boyfriend jump through hoops and not even provide a similar amount of affection towards him as to the FWB/ONS?

That is not sex drive. That is lust.

Sex drive and lust are two related but distinct concepts when it comes to human sexuality.

Sex drive refers to a person's overall level of sexual desire or interest in engaging in sexual activities. It is a natural and physiological aspect of human behavior influenced by hormonal fluctuations, genetics, and various external factors. Sex drive can vary greatly among individuals and can also change over time due to factors such as age, health, stress, and hormonal changes [1].

Lust, on the other hand, is a more intense and often fleeting feeling of strong sexual desire, typically directed towards a specific person. It involves a heightened state of arousal and can be accompanied by fantasies and physical sensations. Lust tends to be more immediate and impulsive than a general sex drive. It's important to note that lust is often driven by both physical attraction and psychological factors [2].

In summary, sex drive is the underlying baseline level of sexual desire an individual experiences, while lust is a more intense and focused form of sexual desire often directed towards a particular individual.

Sources:

Baumeister, R. F. (2000). Gender differences in erotic plasticity: The female sex drive as socially flexible and responsive. Psychological Bulletin, 126(3), 347-374.
Carvalho, J., & Novo, R. F. (2017). Love, lust, and the emotional context of sexual desire. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 32(2), 159-171.

Slyfer_Seven · 2023-08-30T12:29:28+00:00

How many times have we heard of women claiming to have vaginismus, only for them to discover that it was only with the previous guy they were with

Never, but by all means post some stories

How many times have we heard of women putting out immediately for men that are tall, good looking, etc., only to have their boyfriend jump through hoops and not even provide a similar amount of affection towards him as to the FWB/ONS?

See above

RareSorbet · 2023-08-30T11:45:36+00:00

How many times have we heard of women claiming to have vaginismus

I'd like an answer to this without the context of the rest of the post. How many times has the average person heard the word "vaginismus" in any context?

I'd be pleasently surprised if its well know.

Think_Brilliant3517 · 2023-08-30T07:20:40+00:00

If we're talking about women, then yes, women unlike men don't just have sex for the sake of having sex, it's not nearly as much about the physical experience than it is about the intimate/emotional experience. Women are more emotionally motivated, so yeah the more the is attracted to you the more she is gonna want it. It's about both physical and emotional attraction.

clayrivermud2 · 2023-08-30T07:09:11+00:00

vaginismus is a chronic medical condition, i've never seen the phenomenon you're describing. the opposite is usually true.

anyway besides that you're right and i think that's a reason for a lot of dead bedrooms as well.

Lovemelikeareptile1 · 2023-08-30T11:03:10+00:00

The fastest way to kill someone's libido is to get into an exclusive monogamous relationship. Humans were crated to crave variety of sexual partners. Lots of penises in lots of vaginas. New ass is the best ass. It's sad but true.

Hatefuleight-36 · 2023-08-30T14:21:27+00:00

"Your wife will want to have more sex with you if you are in shape, have a good jawline, well groomed and masculine looking." Gee, thanks bro, what other secrets shall ye reveal to us next? Mayhaps the color of the sky?

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-08-30T15:03:44+00:00

Nah. I know lots of attractive guys who’s wives don’t fuck them. It’s just something that happens.

This obsession with physical attractiveness just fails to understand women. Sure, many like a good looking guy with a hot body, especially if they only want sex (which isn’t often!). But their attraction and arousal is much more emotional and psychological.

PlayHardGoBroke · 2023-08-30T08:38:18+00:00

Sex with the same person can get boring after a while regardless of how attractive that person is, while there's always some sense of excitement when it is someone new. This happens to men all the time as well, I reckon probably more often based on countless episodes I've seen of men cheating, even myself, with less attractive women

Attraction is of course important but ultimately after the initial "new partner excitement" fades you need to know how to get her in the mood etc

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-08-30T15:36:44+00:00

No.

My sex drive is largely dependent on my hormones, stresses, overall mood and interest, etc.

My partner's hot bod doesn't control my libido.

No_Side3261 · 2023-08-30T18:10:43+00:00

This post makes my labia shrivel.

Women shoot their shots with off the chart hotties too, doesn’t mean they want them as an SO. Rationalizing that it’s everyone else, is the escape, and a mental health 🚩.

Sex drive is often tied to physical health, mental health, safety, and chemistry. The hottest guy with an attitude like this—not a good boy to bang. Also, we not calling out the obvious? If you have a girl and she isn’t driven toward you, look inward, methinks it’s the putrid male jealousy that’s killin her vibe.

thechopps · 2023-08-30T14:57:28+00:00

I think the context of relationship and hookups need to be address as well. Most women I don’t think really put out of guys they really like all that quick.

I think some women are aware that if they put out too quick women will lose interest and think negatively of them. The women who do put out quick I doubt we’re looking for relationships.

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-30T16:46:19+00:00

"I really hate broads claiming to have a very physically painful condition that they often find ruins their body image and self-esteem. It's just the worst for me personally as a man" -Red Pill Wizard Hot Takes 2023

"I really despise that women won't treat me like a FWB when she offered me the boyfriend position!" - A Red Pill Man who isn't going to be working for that company at all soon.

"Hormones, you mean FAKERS!" - The scientifically obsessed rational super logical gender

"Relationship troubles and poor character? Sounds like excuses to me!! I'd still fuck Brad Pitt even if he was abusing and using me" - A straight man

AutoModerator · 2023-08-30T07:00:20+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

VoltairesBarista · 2023-08-30T09:41:31+00:00

From personal experience this is totally false

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-08-30T10:48:07+00:00

When I was single, the number of women I plated who had exited sexless relationships/got bored quickly with their previous guy typically said it had to do with him being vanilla in bed. Which, basically means he didn’t have enough experience to really know what to do.

However, when I saw pictures of these guys… it definitely made sense.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-08-30T12:20:10+00:00

The key here imo is was it always like this in the relationship? If so, attraction may be an issue, if not, it probably has to do with other relationship or hormonal factors. If she never had the issue with past partners, that obviously points to an issue with this partner as well.

However, I don’t think vaginismus in particular tends to be related to attraction, it’s more of an anxiety response. Most women with this problem have it with all partners, and if not, there is something triggering her anxiety toward sex with a particular partner. It’s highly correlated with repressive religious attitudes to sex in particular.

Sorcha16 · 2023-08-30T12:45:47+00:00

How many times have we heard of women claiming to have vaginismus, only for them to discover that it was only with the previous guy they were with?

Never. No women I know or interact with claim this. I have not seen it on Reddit either.

SianOiseau · 2023-08-30T12:49:08+00:00

Libido can depend on whether you're attracted to your partner or not, but it isn't the only thing it depends on and attraction itself is more complex than "oh, this dude is bangable". Physical and mental health, relationships issues (that do come from one's personality and communication), stress, all of it can decrease one's desire to have sex even when it was great in the beginning.

KayRay1994 · 2023-08-30T13:22:34+00:00

Well…. yes and no, it depends on how attracted she is to you, not how physically attractive you are - which depends on various factors outside of just looks. To put it bluntly, if you’re a safe, boring reliable dude, she won’t have much sexual interest. If you’re fun, interesting, confident, etc, even if you’re a 5, her sex drive will be, at the very least, receptive to yours.

jamalzia · 2023-08-30T13:37:31+00:00

Absolutely incorrect. Your SO's sex drive is dependent on your emotional connection.

You assume because a spouse is able to cheat with someone else, even assuming they're more physically attracted, this means that it is entirely physical. Yet, all you need to do is consider the fact that what happens if she were to marry that more attractive affair partner?

The same issues would inevitably reveal themselves, and the sex would dwindle. That is because profound sex, and the desire to want to have sex over and over with one person has nothing to do with the physical act of sex and everything to do with the emotional bonding that sex facilitates.

The reason why someone can have insane sexual chemistry with someone new and quickly have good sex is because they are emotionally connecting on a superficial level. Yet as time passes, you begin connecting on a more profound level. It is at this time you get a truer sense of one's character, and if you end up conflicting as opposed to continuing this emotional bonding, that lack of connection will prevent you from having sex.

Spouses with problems in their relationship always lead to a lack of sex, because those problems are obstacles to emotional bonding. Foolishly, those who allow themselves to give into the temptation of cheating because they found they can indulge in connection that is lacking in their relationship will inevitably realize it is a shallow connection. Some times, people are absolutely guilty over the act.

The ones who aren't guilty for cheating do not feel the same because their relationship with their spouse was equally shallow. And this is what happens when you get into a relationship on the basis of physical attraction. You WILL break up inevitably due to the lack of emotional connection, of real love.

A lack of sex in a relationship is a symptom of a greater problem, and it is simply WRONG to claim the primary issue is a lack of physical attraction. It is a lack of EMOTIONAL attraction. The desire to jump down your spouse's pants is fueled by emotion, NOT by physicality.

dishonouronmycow · 2023-08-30T13:50:38+00:00

I can’t use Tampons, or have a smear test. I’ve never had sex and my doctor thinks I likely have vaginismus. If only it were as easy as finding a partner you’re attracted to.

NakedStreets · 2023-08-30T14:11:50+00:00

How many times have we heard of women claiming to have vaginismus, only for them to discover that it was only with the previous guy they were with?

Never. Has this happened to you a lot?

begayallday · 2023-08-30T14:42:57+00:00

Nah, I’ve been incredibly aroused with men who I wasn’t even remotely attracted to. It’s a skill issue.

CyrusVercetti · 2023-08-30T18:11:49+00:00

It can also happen if psychologically with the female, she’s had past experiences with the guy having negative reactions towards her vaginas lack of sensation on his penis.

So if a women feels insecure of her vagina, then many women can create a Vaginismus response on occasion.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-08-30T18:14:35+00:00

This is true for the most part but I believe it's more relevant for women in relationships than men. Men's sex drive tends to stay high no matter what

Hello891011 · 2023-08-30T18:47:19+00:00

No. I’m extremely attracted to my boyfriend, but he is just bad in bed, doesn’t try, doesn’t act interested, etc so I don’t like having sex anymore and my libido for him has been destroyed over the years.

Sometimes you just aren’t that good in bed.

WistfulPuellaMagi · 2023-08-31T01:52:57+00:00

Nah. Just physical attractiveness doesn’t do it. Care for their needs in the bedroom. Many men don’t. Don’t be selfish.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-08-31T07:21:03+00:00

Luckily I'm blessed with a low libido/testerone. Saying that I can be sexual in the right mood. Off/on switch! 😎

calfshrug · 2023-08-31T14:44:35+00:00

My SO was very attracted to me, and I was declining sex with her due to my guilt over cheating on her (I later decided to tell her and confess, very hard experience), and my novelty addiction, combined with the negative feedback basically of her becoming less in shape, largely due to my feedback to her from being her love, but distracted and not giving my all to her for years, which led to her stress-eating

wheartv · 2023-08-31T14:56:04+00:00

Yep

Women are a lot like us men

Women also often like novelty/newness and variety

Every guy has experienced a woman that tore their clothes off the first few month until they got used to you/got their hooks in…,,then they are way less interested in sex

No-Introduction411 · 2023-08-31T15:26:18+00:00

Thats cool, but women dont keep that same energy. Women expect men to love them, desire them, fuck them NO MATTER what till death.

Man doesnt clean the dishes right way and sex life is over 😂 the issue is women weaponize everything. Men give love and sex more freely, but cant get. Women give only with conditions, but has a highe capacity to get laid. 🥵 rip

Old_Speed_7861 · 2023-09-02T19:22:15+00:00

Absolutely. If their husbands looked like brad Pitt then their libido would not be at 0. It’s why friend zone exists as well. It’s not cause they see u as a friend it’s all due to looks.

Title	Your S.O. sex drive is largely dependent on your physical attractiveness
Author	Help_Support-Account
Upvotes	109
Comments	124
Date	August 30, 2023 7:00 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1657eao/your_so_sex_drive_is_largely_dependent_on_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/your-so-sex-drive-is-largely-dependent-on-your.1230637 https://theredarchive.com/post/1230637

Comments

It can also happen if psychologically with the female, she’s had past experiences with the guy having negative reactions towards her vaginas lack of sensation on his penis.

So if a women feels insecure of her vagina, then many women can create a Vaginismus response on occasion.