Is it ALSO a red flag if a man has had casual sex but never a relationship?

Safinated · 2023-09-11T09:04:51+00:00

Anything unusual is....unusual

glowietime · 2023-09-11T10:32:31+00:00

Yes, I would find it as a red flag at 27. I don't do casual sex and I don't find myself interested in those participating/who have participated in that culture, although I'm not judging.

Many women will think that you will struggle with committing emotionally.

However, there will always be people out there who don't mind. Presumably women in the same seat as you. It's not end of it all.

MistyMaisel · 2023-09-11T12:18:58+00:00

Yes, mostly because of your age. If you were under 22, not so much an issue. But by the age of 27 having casual sex and not a real relationship screams, "I'm a player with commitment issues and connection issues who sees people as tools and unfulfilling". Beyond this, many are going to be turned off you have no idea what a real relationship looks like or takes.

As for what you should do, no use crying over spilt milk. Be honest, be self aware, apply yourself to learning what you've missed asap. Accept that there's a good chance you'll be relationshipping women with equally red flags. If you led any women on, an apology tour is always good for the soul and business. Also, work on your urge to lie and use people, it is a genuine problem.

ashpr0ulx · 2023-09-11T09:41:43+00:00

shit like that is a yellow flag.

like maybe you’ve never come across the person you want to pursue seriously or you’ve been busy with school or career. okay, cool

but like if you’ve wanted relationships with every woman you had casual sex with and none of them were interested, i’d probably think there was a reason for it

Creation_Soul · 2023-09-11T09:55:40+00:00

it sometimes becomes a turn-off, as in "I don't want to waste my time with this guy". I have had female friends ask me if a certain guy (who is good looking) is single and I said yes, but he is not really the "relationship type" and they stopped pursuing him.

Of course there are some women who believe they are the solution and that guy will certainly settle with them, but other women are realistic and don't pursue men who they know/believe is not the "relationship type".

blebbyroo · 2023-09-11T08:47:02+00:00

I would think it’s fine just say you didn’t click with anyone on a serious level but that you’ve had various casual relationships

dishonouronmycow · 2023-09-11T09:53:31+00:00

For me yes. I’m a virgin and would prefer a man that had either been in relationships or maybe tried casual sex and didn’t enjoy it. You could lie but the subject of ex girlfriends is likely to come up at some point and a lie could be easily exposed, you’re better off just being honest and seeing how she takes it

Wattehfok · 2023-09-11T09:30:22+00:00

Don’t lie; but there’s no reason to just vomit your insecurities on a potential partner.

You can just say you’ve had a few short term things, but you’ve never been lucky enough to date someone you’ve really clicked with.

27 is when heaps of people start getting serious about relationships. You’re definitely not alone.

If you were 45 - that’s a different matter. But 27 is fine.

saving_private_ryan_ · 2023-09-11T09:02:53+00:00

Why people have casual sex with the high risk of STD's is beyond me.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-09-11T09:27:50+00:00

Yea quite a few women will see it as a red flag.

Some will look past it, some will be into it as they get to be your "first", but some will see it as a red flag that you're a Fuckboy who can't commit.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-09-11T10:02:54+00:00

To a person like me you wouldn’t exactly be a red flag but it would be a matter of “let’s not waste each other’s time”

I value sex and would only have it in a committed relationship snd I imagine your someone that’s the other way round and perhaps wouldn’t expect to wait. Don’t lie because it will come out and questions I would ask like “why did your last relationship end” and it would be obvious if your were just winging it

But op, if your content not being in a relationship and enjoy casual sex, why change? If you don’t want to be in a relationship your just wasting everyone’s time

Frosty_Can9571 · 2023-09-11T12:43:40+00:00

As a woman who is only interested in serious relationships, I find it a red flag.

If you have a history of not wanting to commit to women, it is extremely unlikely that you will suddenly change that.

People always say it's just a matter of "meeting the right person", then you'll immediately want to settle down, have kids and all that good stuff. That's bullshit. Not everyone is happy being in a relationship, and that's okay. If you never even felt the need to try it out, chances are that commitment just isn't for you.

If you never wanted anything but sex from a woman, why would that suddenly change? You'd have to be naive as fuck to think that you're special enough to convert a commitment phobe into a long-term partner.

Last but not least, as dumb as it may sound, being a good partner is a skill that needs to be learned. Your partner is not always going to have the same needs as you and A LOT of compromising is required. The longer you have been single, the more inflexible and set in your ways you're going to be, which means you're probably going to be a pain in the ass for your partner.

I have dated a guy like you. It was the worst relationship I was ever in. Not saying every "inexperienced" man is like my ex, but personally I wouldn't be very keen on repeating the experience.

MidoriEgg · 2023-09-11T09:51:38+00:00

At 27 it’s not a red flag, in your mid 30’s it would be, at least in my opinion.

AcrobaticRhubarb2147 · 2023-09-11T12:14:41+00:00

Yes, but don’t lie. Also though, I don’t think you should spill everything on the first date either, don’t vomit up your past unless asked and then be truthful at that point.

Psl0131 · 2023-09-11T15:59:36+00:00

It would make me skeptical of how good you are at being a partner. It’s a skill that takes learning - I have done my learning and growing, I don’t plan to teach a man how to be a decent partner from square 1, I expect him to also bring some learnings to the table

lle-ell · 2023-09-11T09:17:34+00:00

Yea, it’s a red flag. Don’t lie about it though, your future gf will see right through it.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-09-11T10:00:15+00:00

Worrying about it will probably make you more unattractive than the actual lack of relationships themselves. Just be a cool and fun dude and some women will want you. If it comes up, just say that you were focusing on yourself.

mystery1nc · 2023-09-11T10:28:08+00:00

It heavily depends on age I would say.

To not have had a relationship but several experiences of casual sex at the age of 27 is a red flag in terms of the the perspective from a potential partner imo.

That is a considerable chunk of your years as an adult spent without cultivating invaluable experience of what it means to be in a romantic relationship, to love and how to treat a partner, to navigate how YOU take on the role of a partner and what that means to you. This is all CRUCIAL learning and experience in terms of future and adult relationships.

Sexual experience is quite honestly an easy thing to catch up on with no roughly defined timeline (if given the opportunity). Relationships, not so much. You could hypothetically get a girlfriend right now, but actually learning from it and cultivating that experience and essential emotional growth that is SPECIFIC to romantic love is going to take years with that partner or multiple relationships (whichever comes first).

Existing-Sign4804 · 2023-09-11T12:06:09+00:00

Having read the post and all the comments, you are absolutely clueless about what’s involved in a relationship. I would genuinely feel sorry for anyone who tried to be in one with you. Also, having only had casual sex, I’d be willing to bet you’re terrible in bed. Relationships are where the learning happens. People have to be fully comfortable with someone to open up about their needs and wants, that doesn’t happen in casual sex. You need a relationship for a lot more than status. But having waited so long, you’re gonna have to drop your standards or accept being single for life. You aren’t going to get an attractive partner who’s gonna stick around to teach you.

retal1ator · 2023-09-11T11:08:44+00:00

As a man I say it’s a yellow/red flag.

When women do it it’s sign of probable stability issues down the road; for men it’s not much different.

Plus if you’ve never been in a relationship you lack the maturity to handle it; so any woman entering your life will need to accomodare for that.

oneblackcoffeeplease · 2023-09-11T09:25:43+00:00

So I'm wondering, what about a guy that has had sex but never been in a relationship because he never wanted one? Would women find that a turn off?

depends on you, if i as a woman think i could easily replace you with a guy who's had relationships i wouldnt bother with you, if you are the greatest guy i ever met i prob would try to ignore it and give you a chance...if ur just a regular dude (idk, 6-8 in attractiveness, decent job etc) i would avoid you and find a similar guy with a diff dating history

baiser_vole · 2023-09-11T11:42:03+00:00

Absolutely but I’m anti-premarital sex and like volcels.

Ok_Smile_60 · 2023-09-11T14:47:31+00:00

Probably? I haven’t read stats on it, honestly. Past behavior is our best indicator of future behavior, and someone who hasn’t ever committed when enough time and opportunity to do so presented themselves likely is a worse bet to expect a serious relationship from.

On the other hand, serious relationships also damage your success rate in future relationships, due to obvious reasons so…eh, not a great answer. It’s life, you don’t have a ton of control, hopefully you get it right the first time but if you don’t it doesn’t matter that odds are down going forward as you don’t have a choice.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2023-09-11T14:47:31+00:00

What exactly do you want ? If you want a long term relationship, then yes, you must absolutely be honest. Such an omission would be similar to finding out your couple months girlfriend was sleeping with other men while you weren't exclusive. Do your best.

Greedy-Heat631 · 2023-09-11T15:04:36+00:00

As a man. If I were giving dating advice to a lady I’d say yes it is a red flag. However I think ladies know these things they just have a hard time letting go of their innate preferences based on biology and social programming.

Proudvow · 2023-09-11T16:57:06+00:00

It's a red flag for relationships/marriage. But fortunately for you women often have other problems to worry about. If 80% of men dry her up like a desert it's hard for her to cast off one of the 20% who doesn't simply because he's too good with women. Hence why players still get play even when it's obvious that they're players.

You basically just say you had fun exploring in your youth and but are ready to get serious and make a real connection now. If you're still as desirable as when you were having a bunch of casual sex then plenty of women will take a chance on you.

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2023-09-11T10:03:36+00:00

I had sex for 10 women before my wife. I was too chicken to talk about sex . The women were also too chicken to talk about sex. I did not really learn to be a good lover with my casual sex partners.

A girlfriend is much more likely to teach you things than a casual sex partner is.

I was with 4 women before I learned from porn that clitorises existed

I don’t think the women were going to tell me that clitorises existed.

Maybe no relationships should be a red flag but I’m not sure that women would know that .

Aditya-Kalita · 2023-09-11T11:49:23+00:00

So I'm wondering, what about a guy that has had sex but never been in a relationship because he never wanted one? Would women find that a turn off?

Not a woman so can't comment on turn offs. But I would like to know why you never wanted a relationship. If its anything like "its my wish", "my life my rules" and you have no good explanation I wouldn't bother to know and neither bother to ask anymore. It just makes it easier for me to not trust you. Makes you less human (From a guys POV who is a romantic. What I mean is its difficult to relate or understand this concept of not wanting love and relationships.) Its a free world, but just difficult to understand everyone.

Also, if the answer is yes, what can I do about it? I could lie and say that some of the women I slept with are ex-girlfriends

Trust me. Lies will get you nowhere. It could get you laid but often comes back to bite later. Be honest to every person you meet. No need to divulge every detail unless they asked or are invested somewhat with you. But be genuine and come clean. Also I hope you didn't scam any girl by lying. I consider that a terrible person who pretends to want a relationship or hints at the person that they are dating for something concrete and then pulls out. That's NOT the pull out game everyone talks about. Don't do it.

WOMEN APPRECIATE HONESTY.

in the truest sense they do. Much more than guys. They either will be turned off by it and be clear to you and move away, or tell you that they understand your position. Unlike guys who prefer to not let out their true feelings in fear of judgement or shame or loneliness.

But give them ample time to make their decision. They might change their decision if they are too quick about being understanding but make sure you know what's up.

could get caught

even if you have zero chance of getting caught you shouldn't lie. Be upfront and honest.

coffee_helpz · 2023-09-11T17:14:08+00:00

Yes it’s very disturbing. Like you just use women’s bodies. Women you meet will kno this because you won’t have any stories like oh my ex and I used to do this or that together.

DicamVeritatem · 2023-09-11T12:49:19+00:00

Guys that have had abundant casual relationships are literally chick crack. Regardless of protests to the contrary.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-09-11T17:11:49+00:00

To me yes. I wanted someone with similar values so I vetted out men who did casual sex but no relationship. I once rejected a guy for this reason. Its doubtful a guy like that would make a good boyfriend anyway even if he decided one day he wanted a relationship.

meteorness123 · 2023-09-11T09:38:16+00:00

Why keep asking these questions. The woman adapts to your values, not the other around. And you guys call yourself "redpill":

social_mules_alt · 2023-09-11T16:39:07+00:00

At the risk of giving blackpill idiots more ammunition I'll say this:

All these red flags and so called deal breakers are just excuses women use to reject a man they weren't attracted to in the first place. Smoking, being mean to servers, being the wrong zodiac sign, hair too long or short, too many or too few tattoos, a felony conviction, a history of abusive relationships or no history of serious relationships at all...they all amount to diddly squat if she's attracted to you.

So that's your answer. It doesn't matter what flaws you have, real or imagined, so long as she's attracted to you.

c0pkill3r · 2023-09-11T18:51:13+00:00

I don't think it matters if you lie about such a thing given that I suppose you are seeking a gf now otherwise why else would it matter? If you are still seeking casual sex but find it's easier to get if you appear like you want a relationship then you are just a rapist. If you actually want a relationship though you can just tell the truth as I see no problem with what you described. Lots of people sleep around casually while young. That's healthy. And people catch feelings, that's normal. Not your fault you didn't want to be with them. That's also normal.

itsmeart · 2023-09-11T19:17:06+00:00

Being a man itself is redflag

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obviousredflag · 2023-09-11T09:58:20+00:00

This depends on your answer to the question: WHY did you never wanted to be in a relationship and why has this changed now?

Berzabu · 2023-09-11T10:31:28+00:00

I'd say so

DietTyrone · 2023-09-11T13:11:58+00:00

Most won't care bro. They'll enjoy trying to be the girl that can change you. Even open womanizers continue to get women for this reason. They all want to be special and they'll sooner take their chances with you over a virgin.

philseven12 · 2023-09-11T14:15:28+00:00

it's more bad if you can't get any casual sex

Typical_Priority_393 · 2023-09-11T14:17:51+00:00

Being in a long term relationship is a skill . You’re choosing not to level up your skill as a man . It’s hard enough figuring it out on the fly and now you’re 27 with no real world long term relationship skills or awareness . It will bite you in the ass guaranteed . On the other hand if you don’t care then don’t worry about it just be honest don’t lie to women have fun enjoy yourself don’t do anything illegal gg

KayRay1994 · 2023-09-11T14:18:50+00:00

depends a lot on context - ie. how do you treat the women you have casual sex with? do you have issues with commitment? have you tried to get into relationships and failed?

it can be a red flag, but it isn’t inherently one

liferelationshi · 2023-09-11T15:18:34+00:00

Puzzleheaded_Pin4857 · 2023-09-11T18:52:48+00:00

Yes. It’s a red flag. What you can do about it is framing it as you’ve had a few, but never really connected to anyone. This is true because whether you were looking for a relationship or not. If you had connected you’d run with it like everyone else does and sometimes that’s a good thing. I wouldn’t outright say that you weren’t looking. That doesn’t sound good.

vtribal · 2023-09-11T19:06:44+00:00

Huge red flag

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-09-11T20:15:38+00:00

I don't think women care that much.Ive never had a woman ask about my past relationships or body count.

Your putting way to much thought into this.I purposely don't bring up the past it litteraly doesn't matter unless you're married or divorced or have children.

At 27 your probably dealing with young immature women and women that don't want to settle down.The majority of women I dealt with at that age weren't interested in marriage or having kids.Finnaly in my late 20s women seemed more interested in a relationship.

Now I don't even entertain anyone over 25,these women are focused on their careers and aren't interested in being a mother or wife. And most won't be untill their 30s.

Alarmed-Rent-5384 · 2023-09-11T22:19:35+00:00

Its shows you just maybe dont need or value a relationship that much, witch is fine. I think from my perspective as a woman i kinda value a relationship and monogamy a loot so i would probably question your loyalty and want to be in a relationship plus the fact that u are 27 and still haven’t been in one is also kinda a red flag.

Rogue5454 · 2023-09-12T07:24:01+00:00

All you can do is be honest. They will ask why you never wanted to be in one before.

Yes, it can be a red flag, but with good communication about it, it can reduce the colour.

Women want men to “tell their story” so to speak & be honest. It’s how we feel close to you/get to know you.

Also, 9.9/10 we find out everything no matter how a guy tries to hide shit. Just remember those odds. Lol

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2023-09-12T12:14:43+00:00

I've never had casual sex, I take relationships and sex seriously. So even one casual sex is a huge red flag to me...

What you can do about it? Nothing. Just find someone who is ok with it, who has similar past... Don't lie, it would just make it worse.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-09-12T21:07:31+00:00

It's the same red flag as a woman who's only had casual sex.

It's not unattractive, it's just a lot harder to trust and want to have a relationship with.

Probably you should say you've dated one girl for a year, that'll make you seem like you can at maintain a semblance of a relationship.

Maybe even confess she didn't exist after some time if the relationship goes well - say you were embarrassed that you only had casual sex (it seems like you are anyway).

noach_qayain_ · 2023-09-13T19:22:07+00:00

Fake it until you make it. Find a woman to marry is important but heaven forbid it is some insane game like the men here make it sound. We are humans and meant to be together. Also NOAH from the Bible got married later in life. There are men who never get married and then there are men who paid for sex but then get married.

Title	Is it ALSO a red flag if a man has had casual sex but never a relationship?
Author	anon35465768
Upvotes	23
Comments	265
Date	September 11, 2023 8:32 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16fpwa1/is_it_also_a_red_flag_if_a_man_has_had_casual_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-also-a-red-flag-if-a-man-has-had-casual-sex.1231261 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231261

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