Men get destroyed by divorce because they view it as a moral failing. If men adopted the mentality "she's not yours, it's just your turn" they wouldn't get devastated by divorce

demedermidimi · 2023-09-24T11:38:30+00:00

seems stupid to marry at all if you believe "it's just your turn"

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-09-24T13:33:02+00:00

Marriage is dead, men shouldnt even consider it anymore,

Shes not yours, its just your turn as much I as agree with the phrase is counter intuitive to why men get married in the first place.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-09-24T16:03:53+00:00

Did you know that you don't have to get married?

If you're not interested in marriage, don't get married.

Marriage is a choice. Don't want to be married, don't do it.

Marriage isn't a life sentence that guarantees another human being won't change or will put up with shitty treatment.

Just don't get married, FFS.

Grand-Inspection2303 · 2023-09-24T14:44:49+00:00

There are two sensible choices to make in regard to marriage:

Marry someone with the old fashioned view that marriage is for life and that divorce is not an option except in extreme cases like abuse or infidelity. Marry someone who rejects modern views that broken relationships are just something that happens to people, and instead views marriage as a commitment to keep your relationship together.
Don't get married.

I don't understand why people add the legal complications of marriage for a relationship that has the same commitment level to them of a boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. If you don't believe in life-long commitments than just be boyfriend and girlfriend and keep the law out of it.

AngeCruelle · 2023-09-24T15:46:41+00:00

That's just the internet bro speak equivalent of the angsty loner kid who says he doesn't get close to people because they'll wind up hurting you eventually.

Carrying angsty teenager mentality into adult life is...certainly a choice. Teenagers aren't exactly known for their resilience and mental stability however.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-09-24T17:24:20+00:00

That's because men are looked after within marriages, and then when it stops they notice.

Anxious_Adult123 · 2023-09-24T13:07:38+00:00

She's not yours, it's just your turn.

One of the most important regret in my life is not realising this sooner. It's baffling to see how easy it was for many women in my life to forget everything like it never happened.

MotherPermit9585 · 2023-09-24T16:02:07+00:00

She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.

This is true for men too though. You can’t own another human being. Everyone has their own hopes, dreams, and values and people change over time. Their goals and interests may change. It takes a lot of work to keep a marriage going after many years and it’s easy to get complacent. Most men don’t file the divorce paperwork but they often mentally check out of the marriage years before the actual divorce. In some cases by cheating, being irritable and moody constantly, verbally abusive, or not contributing to the household. They’re also more resistant to marriage counseling. I’m not saying this to bash men; I’m happily married to a man and have good relationships with the men in my family. But these are the patterns I’ve seen.

For most of human history longlong pair bonding has not been the norm. Serial monogamy has been far more common. It’s easy to stay with someone for a year; 50 years is really tough without a lot of work

ratboi34 · 2023-09-24T12:46:24+00:00

"She's not yours, it's just your turn" might sound offensive to some women, but is one of the few true statements made by the redpill, since the dominant mating pattern is serial monogamy.

thatguywhosadick · 2023-09-24T15:00:20+00:00

The “it’s just your turn” thing only made sense to me as a mindset to have during casual dating/hookups because there’s no real commitment, and you need to accept that you don’t have much say in how long the situation is going to last.

Marriage at least for my cultural/religious background is very much supposed to be a life time commitment to one another, she’s yours and you’re her’s.

1Here4Bach · 2023-09-24T12:08:40+00:00

Males get destroyed by divorce because In marriage, they get everything take care for them and they don’t notice it until after the wife is gone.

I’d say my dad and mom have a pretty equal marriage. They both work and my dad “cleans” to some existent. But he doesn’t know how to cook nutritious meals at all. Without my mom he’d be living on fast food, pancakes and TV dinners. Probably dying of a heart attack in 5 years due to the how bad his diet would get.

My mom manages all aspects of his social life. Without her there is none. He’d never invite friends to the house for card games and he’d never host family gatherings.

It was my mom who urged my dad to go get a colonoscopy. Without her would have never went and would have died of colon cancer.

My mom is the one who keeps track of bills and any debt to make sure everything is paid on time. Without her my dad would have probably had the IRS knocking on his door a long time ago.

If my mom left him or suddenly died I would have to manage his life.

So yes, males are depressed when women leave but it’s not because they see marriage as a moral obligation, a sense of loyalty or even because they love their wife. It’s because most males are like my dad. Their quality of life would get so low without their wife that it would invoke majority depression.

Males try to belittle marriage saying it’s awful for males but every woman in my family goes above and beyond to to care of the physical, social and mental well-being of their husband and don’t even get back 50% from them.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-09-24T13:30:46+00:00

Men get destroyed by divorce because

They plan poorly. All relationships end. Morally. Financially. Emotionally and mentally. These factors are all secondary. To practicality. Planning for for it, prior to it, isn’t being pessimistic. It’s being pragmatic.

Godspeed and good luck!

wtknight · 2023-09-24T14:37:49+00:00

She's not yours, it's just your turn.

That's not the right way to look at it. But I do agree that they shouldn't see it as a moral failing. Instead, they should just see it as they didn't meet a compatible person, learn from their mistakes, and then do better next time (if they choose to get married again, anyway).

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-09-24T17:41:35+00:00

I know my dad would be kinda fucked if my mom left him. The man hasn't done his own laundry, cooked his own food, or made his own doctor's appointments in the last 30 years. Of course he'd be miserable if she left, he'd have to do everything for himself, when you're used to the cushy position of having all your needs met, it's gonna suck having to meet them yourself.

Lots of men are miserable in their marriages but they still don't want to get divorced.

Sounds like they're still getting something out of the marriage for it to be worth staying in. And I don't think that something is the idealized image of marriage they had in their heads.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-09-24T18:36:47+00:00

If your mentality is "she's not yours, it's just your turn", then there is no reason to marry at all. If marriage doesn't come with a sense of permanence, then why would anyone even engage in it?

Safinated · 2023-09-24T19:08:21+00:00

If you adopt that attitude, you’ll make less of an effort/investment. You think that’s a successful marriage strategy?

Reasonable_Listen514 · 2023-09-24T21:12:36+00:00

Marriage needs to be seen as a relic of the past. Modern western culture doesn't support it, and the legal environment doesn't support it.

The only case for getting married is for people of deep religious faith, and those marriages should only be through their churches, not the state.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-09-24T11:38:34+00:00

Maybe if women knew how to be loyal and not move on once they got bored. Women don't love as deeply as men do. That's why it takes men so much longer to get over a divorce. Everyone thinks women are more emotional, but it's not true. Men are just better at hiding emotions. In studies of infants and toddlers it has been shown boys cry more when away from caregivers and show a heightened response to pain (physical and emotional). Marriage is supposed to be about commitment. The question isn't why men get "destroyed by divorce," but why women care so little about their partner.

RatchedAngle · 2023-09-24T13:13:04+00:00

Men are destroyed by divorce because it usually takes them by surprise.

Even if a woman says “I’m not happy, this is a problem for me” men tend to ignore it and pretend everything is fine. She’s just nagging, she’s just on the rag, she’s just being a woman complaining, etc. Then when she actually hands him the divorce papers, he’s shocked.

I think men have a biological tendency to dismiss women’s complaints because women are generally smaller and weaker. The same exact complaint made by a man would be taken more seriously. I don’t think this is because men are evil or anything - I think the male brain is legitimately designed to hear a woman complaining and automatically file it as “not a big deal.” Men simply do not take female unhappiness very seriously. Again, because women generally aren’t a threat to men.

So your wife tells you she’s unhappy. She tells you she feels unsatisfied. Maybe you do the dishes or mop the floor one time and then you tell yourself, “Okay, everything is fixed now, so hopefully she will stop bitching.”

Then the divorce papers come out and it’s a shock. She’s been unhappy for years, openly communicating her unhappiness, and unfortunately your brain simply doesn’t allow you to take her seriously.

That’s the real reason why divorce hits men so hard. You are biologically incapable of seeing the warning signs.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-09-24T13:50:48+00:00

I’ve seen a lot of men admit they will stay in a unhappy relationship because dating is too difficult. Seem even more men claim “I thought everything was fine”, when I’m truth, he was fine because he did nothing but go to work and allowed his partner to run the entire household, raise her family, and manage his life, too.

I don’t agree that men idealize marriage. I think they take their wife for granted and assume she is supposed to replace his mother and take care of everything for him.

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neverendingplush · 2023-09-24T15:52:49+00:00

Lmao in germany if you have a kid even though you aren't married. If the woman decides not to work for whatever reason you can be liable to pay spousal support. Yes

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2023-09-24T21:57:21+00:00

Best way to avoid divorce is to avoid marriage. 100% effective.

Think_Brilliant3517 · 2023-09-27T07:32:39+00:00

If marriage to you is "his turn with you" you might as well just stay unmarried. In fact this goes for anything that isn't "until death does us apart". If you're planning to break your vow before even taking it, you might as well just leave it.

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-09-24T18:44:33+00:00

Because men think sustaining a marriage is just them working and paying bills & having sex. Women typically bare the burden of raising the children, working as well, splitting the bills, maintaining the house and also making sure her husband is ok. That’s why married men are known to live longer than single men. For the most part men can barely care for themselves properly. A common thing nowadays is Women are teaching their BF’s/Husbands how to wash their own body. Women are pushing their husbands to go to the doctor, making their appointments. Making sure they eat a good diet. I would argue the average single man is probably not even doing any of that.

Anecdotally - I used to work in a medical office & physical therapy office, and it was always a woman (wife/daughter/mom) making the man’s appointment and keeping track of their own progress. Most of the men that came to the office alone didn’t even know what they were even coming for. For reference both offices was in midtown Nyc. So people from different races and different ages, cultures etc.

Men only get “destroyed” during a divorce because they can’t fathom the fact that they now have to care for themselves. Only 10% of divorces result in alimony, and the average child support is under $500 a month. Women on average are worse off after a divorce, so the fact that women are willing to take that risk when initiating divorce says a lot.

I always say modern women may be bad but modern men are bad and sometimes worse.

Brazuca0 · 2023-11-18T03:00:22+00:00

If men adopted the mentality "she's not yours, it's just your turn" they wouldn't get devastated by divorce

True. But then there is no reason to get married in the first place.

Why would i marry her if i dont think she'll stick around?

Comments

True. But then there is no reason to get married in the first place.