Is it common to look up the salary of your date's job?

NockerJoe · 2023-12-23T00:59:39+00:00

Anyone looking it up and saying under 400k is too low is very obviously rage baiting. That's like top 4% of all U.S. earners and literally 10x the median wage. I've known FAANG programmers making less than that at the top of their game.

This isn't normal person rules. This is gold digger on the toxic woman side of tiktok rules and a lot of the people saying this is normal are kinda telling on themselves.

Glittering_File_6990 · 2023-12-23T08:55:37+00:00

why are you trying to learn about women's dating habits from TikTok of all things?

BackToTheMoon_ · 2023-12-23T01:33:12+00:00

The woman in the video is an onlyfans girl so shes a prostitute

macone235 · 2023-12-23T01:47:02+00:00

Imagine making 500k or more to get with that woman. That's like dropping millions on a trailer.

But to answer your question, yes. A woman is going to want to know how much you make sooner or later (generally sooner so she doesn't waste much time with you), because it's either going to make or break whether she continues things with you.

GlitterAndFireballs · 2023-12-23T00:41:02+00:00

I think it’s a little weird and I don’t know anyone who does this. It’s also usually easy to ballpark, especially as you get into dating the person.

MistyMaisel · 2023-12-23T01:49:33+00:00

Not to me....but maybe I'm just not as good at stalking?

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-23T04:53:08+00:00

"IMO, by the time your partner's salary actually matters (family planning and budgeting etc), you should have enough rapport where you can simply ask them about it. Or they'd have told you, right? "

Sweet Summer Child, that isn't how these things work. Women want to know immediately how much a man makes as soon as possible so (a) they waste less time and (b) they avoid getting emotionally tangled with an unsuitable man, which might impair their judgment about financial suitability later on.

Here in China, if an intermediary sets up a date, like a friend or cousin, the intermediary will basically ask for a financial statement. Not just salary--assets! What do you own? What does your family own? The actual date happening is contingent on her reporting these facts to the principal and getting consent. If no intermediary, the first date can be like a brutal job interview: job, salary, assets, prospects for promotion, etc.

I much prefer this done by an intermediary--face to face is brutal. Though most Chinese pre-date with SERIOUS texting in which all of this comes out, so that is a bit better.

I don't mind this, really. Great that people are serious. Money fucking matters. So does hypergamy, of whatever kind to whatever extent it is at play. If she can't really be attracted to a guy on your level, better to get that over with fast. Men also want to know about the woman's situation as China is also mostly a double-income world. Wanting to know about money does not make one a gold digger. It's how much money you demand that does.

Pathosgrim · 2023-12-23T13:35:06+00:00

Why is this a thread? This is normal for women to do. If they aren't googling the dates they have lined up, then they are going to ask them what they do for a living at the date and predict their salary from there. Tiktok is somewhat of an exaggerated expression, but it isn't too far from the truth.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-12-23T01:59:54+00:00

She’s low IQ and will never mother a child and if she did she couldn’t raise it herself. I don’t know why we waste time getting mad at these dumb whores.

Natural-Sun1850 · 2023-12-23T05:36:56+00:00

Women are probably looking up your salary and judging you whether you’re dating them or not. Your girlfriend’s friends probably look up your job so they talk about you behind your back. Women see you as a dollar sign, not a human being.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-12-23T03:52:31+00:00

Of course. When I tell women my job a lot of times they just straight up ghost me because they think it's low paying (I guess this weeds out the gold diggers for me though)

RicePresident_ · 2023-12-23T01:17:33+00:00

Have people always been this obsessed with money?

Or are they just more confident and able to say these things now?

Specialist-Action-33 · 2023-12-23T01:17:09+00:00

Thats some delusional woman shit that they would do and make a video about how bad their dating life is.

Specific_Praline_362 · 2023-12-23T05:00:29+00:00

I've been with my husband for 13 years so not dating-related, but yes...I absolutely do Google the average salary for various careers. Just from videos we watch or people we know. My husband's in on it, too. We're nosy like that lol

AriesProductions · 2023-12-23T06:41:14+00:00

Until discussing a joint purchase or moving in together? NO. Just, why? If we’re not living together, he’s paying his own way and his finances are absolutely none of my business. IF we’re getting close enough for me to consider hitching my financial future to his, honest conversation will be had. And I’d check if I didn’t think things sounded right (if I though he was lying about income or debt, that’s kinda already the death of the relationship though).

I’m not saying everyone else feels this way, but I’d have a little bit of the ick if a female friend of mine looked up her casual bf’s salary.

moosemc · 2023-12-23T16:06:44+00:00

Of course. They always have.

Hulkbuster0114 · 2023-12-23T04:55:38+00:00

A lot of girls feel masculine if they out earn their boyfriend in the relationship. This girl probably makes around 400k off onlyfans so she wants someone who makes equal to or more than her.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-23T00:50:09+00:00

I didn't see anything about anyone's salary, but let's see. Fake ass lips, shitty tattoo, died hair. To me that says - dumb bitch. Why would anyone care to impress her with money.

apresonly · 2023-12-23T00:41:48+00:00

yes. i look up everything about them in the beginning.

"fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me."

> IMO, by the time your partner's salary actually matters (family planning and budgeting etc), you should have enough rapport where you can simply ask them about it. Or they'd have told you, right?

i wouldn't ask a guy his salary until well over a year into the relationship

i would see his lifestyle but i would not ask for financial info

i dont wanna wait a year to find out he isn't self-sufficient, which is what my dealbreaker is. a higher salary is obviously nice but too high and i'm like "he's a cheater"

i also wanna ballpark so i don't come off as bragging about my lifestyle if he has a more modest budget than i do. this is not an issue for me i would just be conscious that he may be self-conscious/anxious about it.

however, some blue collar guys also are really aggressively anti-luxury (even if i'm buying myself) and make fun of me, which is a dealbreaker that also makes me feel like shit about myself when it happens.

Kapoue · 2023-12-23T17:15:48+00:00

This is obviously rage bait for red pills. I think you'd ideally want to earn about the same as your partner. So a woman making 100k could realistically want someone making 70k-130k. So that there is no power dynamic based on money.

blebbyroo · 2023-12-23T00:31:09+00:00

I did personally yeah but for a guide not a rule

RealMenEatPussy · 2023-12-23T01:20:25+00:00

Are you surprised women want to know what you make?

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-12-23T17:38:19+00:00

As someone who doesn’t care about income beyond ability to support oneself, which I can easily tell soon enough, I think it’s a little weird. But if this is a priority to her, it makes sense. That way nobody’s time is wasted. If she can’t find someone who meets her income requirements, well, she will find out.

apresonly · 2023-12-23T00:35:50+00:00

Why not? It’s just a quick google search. It’s good to know for the future.

lvoncreek · 2023-12-23T09:10:52+00:00

Ive never heard anyone doing this

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Hoopy223 · 2023-12-23T01:02:06+00:00

Yes people will google you lol. Its all available online with just a couple clicks. Honestly its good policy sometimes you find out some really crazy stuff (like arrests, batshit social media postings, weirdo ex boyfriend/girlfriend still in the picture).

As for the woman in that video…no thanks. She has bad vibes imho.

Demasii · 2023-12-23T01:16:24+00:00

I think it would be pretty hard to look it up ahead of time.

Businesses actively use different wording for job titles to prevent potential employees to compare salaries.

hungrychick404 · 2023-12-23T14:46:16+00:00

No. I’ve never met anyone in my circles who does that

ladyindev · 2023-12-24T00:40:22+00:00

I personally did that with some guys because I’m not interested in raising children with a broke dude generally. I fear that struggle too hard, I’m sorry. Going through pregnancy and raising children is hard enough but being comfortable in an expensive city too with someone who makes less than I do? That’s a lot for me. I did get feelings for a broke artist I lived with once, so we can’t protect ourselves completely lol The feels be feeling.

If you don’t care about the struggle life and it’s all only about love, that’s cool too. That’s not me though. I know how much daycare costs, I’ve looked into real estate, the school system, I know the correlation between opportunities for children and maternal happiness and money, etc. I have to be very into you to overlook being broke. But if he’s not currently making a lot, ambition and actively having a plan was also attractive for me. Broke artist was working very hard to make a dream reality. He wasn’t interested in me back though, so I gathered my feelings and focused on the apps again and now my bf (likely future husband at this point) makes more than most men. The broke guy rejected me, so I’m in the clear lol I’m glad it turned out that way because had the artist worked out, I’d have been in for a ride.

I didn’t know how much he made, but I knew he obviously wasn’t broke because of his job title and where he works. I can’t remember if I looked up his salary, but I didn’t know how much he made until maybe at least 6 months together, maybe a year. But we talked about money actively before that so I can put two and two together. I was still way under, but meh.

I personally don’t think it’s a problem. For me, it was just a factor of the equation. I cut off guys before my bf who likely also had high salaries because of their careers for various reasons, so I’m not worried about anyone accusing me of being a gold digger. I support gold diggers too though so there’s also that. 😂

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-12-23T06:02:19+00:00

Yeah sorta? I have some idea of the general ballpark figure of the primary job of most of the people...male or female... in my social circles. It's a social situation awareness thing. It's context. You use it for all sorts of decisions around how you interact with them. If someone dings my car in the pub carpark I'll likely take it on the chin if they are on minimum wage but if they are earning a huge amount I'm going to insist they pay for the repair.

Same would apply with dates if I was dating. Let's say we get close and his apartment is barely furnished and his towels and sheets threadbare. I might try to help out if he's poor...get some stuff off Buy Nothing Project, give him a few items of mine when I upgrade, make it my business to make the basics happen for him. Got a lot of sympathy for the hard patches in life. If he's rich...like fuck that noise he's living how he chooses to live. I'm not giving him stuff he can and should get for himself. I'll sell my old stuff on gumtree not give it to him. And it's a bit of a red flag...can take care of it but doesn't.

What's weird is telling the world one does that just to get tiktok engagement. No way would I put my face to that.

Custard-Gyal · 2023-12-23T02:32:55+00:00

yeah i do this. joke's on me though, because last time I was about 20K off.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2023-12-23T01:10:38+00:00

Yes. What’s wrong with it? Obviously you can’t find everyone’s salary unless they are a public employee, but it’s extremely easy to find a ballpark range on websites like Glassdoor. If it’s something incredibly low, why waste time?

Right-Butterfly5036 · 2023-12-23T01:18:00+00:00

I always asked 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sillysheila · 2023-12-23T03:09:24+00:00

I’ve never heard of this ever.

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2023-12-23T05:14:25+00:00

Hopefully anyone going on tiktok and telling on themselves gets stapled to their ID later in life.. that would help a lot of us out. Be able to look up their 'reputation'. It would make dating easier for those who don't do those things. Oh.. you have a clean record.

caboosenoob · 2023-12-23T10:45:08+00:00

Well, first of all, I think she was making a joke/rage-baiting. And I'm not sure she actually "looked up" his salary.

But, no, it's not really common. And frankly you'd have to be kinda dumb to look at average salaries, because even if you get accurate information, many careers have a power-law distributed compensation pattern. Or at least bimodal.

An easy example for the former is software engineering (first year compensation can be as piddly as 50k or as outrageous as 500 or perhaps even 600k at the right place, even if these roles are rare).

An easy example of the latter would be lawyer compensation (first year compensation can still be piddly, like 60k, for a public defender, while it starts closer to 200k for big law and grows to and past 500k mid-career. And the rare partner late in their career pulls in millions most likely).

To some extent the same is true of doctors, finance jobs, or anything that pays well... looking at average salaries is not a bright idea.

BrendasThrowaway · 2023-12-23T11:43:30+00:00

I know I’m the anomaly here, but I have never even asked what a man does for work because I don’t care lol. I don’t like talking about what someone does for work because it’s boring and I don’t care. Also, keep in mind that I dated in college so everyone I dated was also in my uni… they would ask me what I’m majoring in and I’ll just ask them about their major just to be nice but honestly I don’t care about your degree or job. I know a lot of people think this is crazy, but I really have no interest in learning about someone’s job or work at all. On dates we only talk about her personal interest and what we like to do and we’ll just have random conversations about whatever.

operatowers · 2023-12-23T13:07:14+00:00

I always assumed they did. People google everything else - why wouldn't they google that?

HamzaAghaEfukt · 2023-12-24T03:16:20+00:00

Salary doesn’t matter if it’s Chad. Most women spewing salary requirement happily become broke Chads whores.

Hell with them too

coping_man · 2023-12-24T20:44:26+00:00

Acemanau · 2023-12-25T02:43:33+00:00

I guess my recent experience is relevant to this discussion.

I'd just had my first meetup with a lovely Indonesian woman yesterday and was totally upfront with my income and she didn't react one way or the other and that was very reassuring for me.

She seemed to appreciate that I was doing over time to earn more, far more than the income number itself.

wheartv · 2023-12-25T17:40:32+00:00

As long as you aren’t spying, I consider anything publicly available as fair game.

Women now think you cyber stalk them because you look through their online posts that they freely posted for all to see. If you stop dating them because you realize they dated 20 other guys that same year just by scanning their Facebook, then you are suddenly a Soviet spy.

However, if you looked and only found wholesome things, then they wouldn’t care.

Title	Is it common to look up the salary of your date's job?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	40
Comments	223
Date	December 23, 2023 12:28 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18ot72t/is_it_common_to_look_up_the_salary_of_your_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-common-to-look-up-the-salary-of-your-dates.1241407 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241407

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