Girl with holding sex?

1hundredeight · 2022-01-04T09:52:48+00:00

I was in a similar situation and what happened was that she was not emotionally available, she liked me a lot but she had some self-love issues, had daddy issues, past relationship issues, and needed time for herself to heal.

I ended the ting you can't do much because it's outside of your control best advice is to ask her directly, if she's mature enough she'll tell you

You are not wrong to want sex It's about more than just a need it's about an intimate connection and in my experience, the best way to know if a girl likes you for real is when both make love.

Cookies993 · 2022-01-04T09:14:02+00:00

I see a few possibilities here.

She has had a bad previous experience where she really liked a guy like you, but he left as soon as they had sex. Makes sense, since you say that you are financially set and can get a lot of girls, so she wants to see if you can stick around for not just sex and her looks.
She wants to be able to control you with sex, because she is insecure about her self. Not her looks, but if she is good enough for you.
Somewhat like 2, she is used to being able to get who she wants, but hasn’t ever been with anyone she has felt “equal” with before. So it’s all new territory for her, and she doesn’t want to look like a slut. Obviously looking for a long term relationship.
She’s done with her “slutty days”, and she’s exploring new long term relationship territory, and doesn’t know when’s the right time.

I would honestly just talk to her about it, don’t pressure her, just let her know what’s on your mind. Communication is key in any relationship. Talk to her while ur both in a good mood, obviously not in the middle of a great time, but not right after she has denied sexual advances.

pehanger · 2022-01-04T08:27:57+00:00

I was in a similar situation recently, and it didn't work out. It sounds like we both don't like their rules, and it was better for me just to leave the situation.

Dracron · 2022-01-04T11:19:09+00:00

A lot of guys have decent advice, so I will put something I haven't seen as a top level comment yet. Assuming that you know how to escalate, I would tell her to stop working you up if she doesn't want to get physical.

You've been doing this for months, and that means you should be able to talk to her about why she doesn't want to get physical without feeling like your stepping out of bounds. If there is a genuine connection, then you should be able to talk to her about it and let her know that while a purely romantic connection is great, that you want more.

The question you should ask yourself before you start that conversation is, "Could I be happy in this relationship for years if we never had sex?" If the answer is no, then you need to find out what stopping that on her side, or break it off and find someone that wants what you want out of the relationship. It might be that you need to throw more romance/seduction into it or it could be a bad experience in her past and you'll want to know how to be sensitive about it or she could be using you.

That conversation should not come in the heat of the moment, because you want to still have blood going to your brain while you have it. It might be best to do it in person, but however you can broach the subject with out either of you being too emotionally invested before it starts is okay. It could start with something like, "I really like where this has gone and I want it to continue, but physicality is important in my relationships and I just want to know whats holding you back." Put it in your own words so it sounds more natural.

The point is that you want to let her know you have needs that eventually need to be met, and that you would like to know what you can to do get her into the mood, even if its not happening tonight. If she has a reasonable explanation then you can work with it from there, assuming you still want the relationship and think it can work. It is healthy for you to say that you have needs while also maintaining that you care for hers as well. If she makes you feel guilty for mentioning it then either you don't have the connection you think you do, she using you or both. If you make yourself feel guilty about it, that just means you have a conscience.

Basically everything after that is about communication and with a real connection with someone you're dating that should flow naturally, as long as both of you want to make it work.

pokemonpokemonmario · 2022-01-04T08:17:28+00:00

She's setting you up for a relationship where she controls the sex. If she withholds sex you have to withhold your none sexual attention otherwise you're giving it up for nothing and she doesn't have to give anything at all.

I can guarantee you she's sleeping with men she's physically attracted to but doesn't like the enough to be in a relationship but because she wants you she's making you wait to take control.

CuriousWonder17 · 2022-01-04T09:01:23+00:00

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oceanstwelve · 2022-01-04T15:20:57+00:00

it could be anything. you however learn from each situation.

she is not ready first time. you accept humbly.

she is not ready 2nd time. you accept humbly but express you not liking it. (Again like a gentleman)

3rd time you say : would you like to talk about it?

remember sex is normal from both sides. you cant make it into a thing that she is "giving" it to you . (there can be situations where guys are not "ready")

so if its something genuine but she is doing everything else. you get her out of it. and then maybe help her be "ready".

otherwise if there is any manipulation intent. that will reveal itself.

dont fall in a RUT . always be escalating.

even if its some mental block in her. she subconsciously wants you to remove that if she is interested.

GhoulChaser · 2022-01-04T08:45:41+00:00

What she’s truly doing is holding off sex for a period of time since she does like you and wants a relationship with you. She see’s you as a potential partner. It’s up to you if you want to stay and wait because eventually since you did break through the kissing barrier you are a potential partner not friend. Girls usually try and make guys wait about 3 months. You can wait or do your own thing in the meantime. Up to you chief.

Ancient_Leader5572 · 2022-01-04T16:52:03+00:00

This is less so from the seduction lense and more so from my own insight as a woman. Truth is some of us have really messed up views surrounding sex (so do some men to be fair). But no one wants to admit that. She could have been raised to view sex as transactional or she could have been burned in the past after getting feelings for someone, having sex with them, and then they immediately ghost her. Which could have lead her to believe that you shouldn’t have sex with a guy right away if you really like him or else he will leave. Which could explain why despite wanting to, she won’t have sex. Because she fears this will mean you get what you want and then will leave. Which personally i feel like just pushes the people that actually do care, to leave. But then again i did say it was a toxic belief not that it wasn’t a form of self-sabotage.

We all got toxic traits. Guess you found one of hers.

2022-01-04T18:08:02+00:00

She could either have an STD or be a victim of SA.

A lot of women have been sexually assaulted and struggle with sex afterwards.

Mog_Melm · 2022-01-04T14:44:33+00:00

I know I probably sound like a pig which is not the case at all

You're really not. You're allowed to want to have sex. The difference between a friendship and a sexual relationship is having sex. Maybe she isn't in a place where she's emotionally ready to have sex. That's fine. You're friends. Look for sex elsewhere.

blockfuture · 2022-01-04T15:31:31+00:00

Mate you need to sit down and establish expectations and needs. This is a sexless failed long term relationship waiting to happen.

mrdedfolx · 2022-01-04T20:54:10+00:00

bounce. now. fuck that shit. intimacy is the only thing that separates couples from friends. you can go out to eat with friends, you can laugh and hang out with friends, go on trips with friends, etc. in fact the only thing you cant do with friends technically is fuck. if she aint fucking shes a friend. period. intimacy us what makes couples couples. once you share that experience then you're open to connect at deeper levels because you have literally been inside her body and she's allowed you to. theres nothing closer than that. so dont waste time. lifes too short. youll end up wandering. and thats not wrong you have needs. if shes not willing to meet those needs shes not for you. go now.

Radio_Unique · 2022-01-04T14:27:51+00:00

She’s not attracted to you or Her heart is with someone else. it’s impossible to hold flame. Don’t u get burn in fire?

It’s impossible

IamRocksteady · 2022-01-04T12:06:36+00:00

The reasons don't matter in my opinion. The fact remains the same: she is withholding sex for whatever reason, and your needs aren't being met. Those 2 months you are wasting on this girl just to get laid, could easily be invested in meeting other women, who are actually open to intimacy.

I was in your situation 4 years ago and I just broke it off with that girl over text. She didn't even deserve a face to face conversation cause she was never straight up with me, why she doesn't want to sleep with me, after dating for 2 months. If I would be in your shoes, I would just ghost her and look for a new woman. Sex should be something that the partners share willingly, and not something you have to work or plea for.

Just ask yourself: is this really all that I'm worth?

no_not_this · 2022-01-04T15:37:11+00:00

This is the “honeymoon phase” the first few months are always the most exciting. Imagine 2 years into a relationship with this person? Obviously she doesn’t want sex very bad, or at least not with you.

2022-01-04T11:07:21+00:00

From your other comments it seems that you are paying for everything. Stop that, go split. It is okay if she is not ready sexually. It is also okey for you to have sexual needs you need satisfied. I think you should talk about that. "I want to respect you not being ready for sex, but my sexual needs need... attention. What do you suggest we do?"

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2022-01-04T11:52:10+00:00

It's possibly a shit test and a tricky one in the current state of social conventions. If she's making out with you and you do all kind of other sexual stuff and she says she's not ready for PIV or fill in whatever reasons she gives. You have two options. You either need to demonstrate she wants you to take her, not matter what she thinks or she honestly she wants you to back off. Without the entire context of the situation it's hard to judge, but the way I understand female nature it's one of those too. Since she is very good looking, you might be looking at tougher shit tests compared to other women. So my guess it's possibly a shit test.

Time to learn the difference between a no and a no coming from a woman. Personally I'd playfully tease her with it, to gauge her level of desire. But, again... it's dependent on the type of no she says. Bill Burr explains this difference in type of no very well.

okcomput3r · 2022-01-04T11:58:15+00:00

Sounds like she is fucking with you tbh

2022-01-04T12:25:35+00:00

Dude, if she is making you wait for sex - leave her. Sex is NEVER worth the wait

Alex_O7 · 2022-01-04T09:47:42+00:00

There is a great response in the comment section (the one with 4 option). I think that the truth is among those 4 option, probably she was left after sex before or she really want a serious relationship not based mainly on sex.

In any case I will talk to her if I was you. Try to talk seriously about your situation, be ready to listen her and let her open up about this problem. It is really the only thing you can do now, make it clear of of what you want even if you respect her choice.

Jortimusprime · 2022-01-04T11:45:32+00:00

Went through something similar recently and it actually worked out well. Went on dates, hung out, lots of sexual tension and talk but she wouldn’t cross the rubicon for 2.5 months or so. I’ve never waited that long in my life. And she wouldn’t tell me why. I went through all the same thoughts about looking weak. So I started to reduce my attention just slightly and tried to project a lack of need for sex with her, kind of insinuating that I was getting it elsewhere (I was). Mostly it was a calm waiting game. Her final explanation was that she really liked me but had been nervous about getting too involved with a guy who seemed successful with women and might just be using her. We’ve both stopped seeing other people for the last 2 months and it didn’t affect the sex power dynamic at all. If anything I ended up with the upper hand oddly enough. Potential long term keeper.

wakawah · 2022-01-04T09:11:24+00:00

Who goes 3 months before banging? I understand not having sex until everyone is ready but I'm gone after a couple dates to be with someone that does want to smash.

ScrumNoobie · 2022-01-04T12:47:42+00:00

Check out the YouTube MJ GetRight and after a few videos in, you will realize how your wasting your time with this one. And you will learn what she is really doing to you.

Ok_Medicine_7662 · 2022-01-04T16:09:11+00:00

This is why you only Netflix and Chill.

Its not that hard guys lol.

2022-01-04T09:21:02+00:00

two months is crazy dude. I think she's into you but not enough where she is willing to surrender her power postion by having sex with you. Because once you have sex all the power is in your hands.

RPslimjim · 2022-01-04T16:53:12+00:00

She’s withholding sex because she has nothing else to offer you.

In the future don’t invest in women who aren’t investing in you. For a woman to invest in you she needs to invest her time, her body, and her money.

You’re traveling with a woman and you’re not even sleeping with her? Dude you’re getting played because everyone on this sub knows she’s fucked guys with less.

Leave her and be great king.

ScrumNoobie · 2022-01-04T12:58:34+00:00

Money comes and goes. But once your time is gone. It’s gone. You wont get that wasted time back.

earthwalker7 · 2022-01-04T13:12:42+00:00

I'll take a different tack than the others here. If you enjoy spending time with her, and you're down to just do that and not be intimate, then I think the occasional visit just to have fund time is ok. But I wouldn't get hung up on her, and I definitely wouldn't be spending much time or money on her. Withdraw your attention and make her the occasional drop-in friend. No more. Date other girls, and make this one a back burner. She may have problems around sex and intimacy, and these are not your problem. She may be traditional - and that'd be a good thing. But in any case any girl that makes you wait is a backburner for sure.

Dbest9 · 2022-01-04T17:11:24+00:00

Maybe you're in some sort of 90 day rule and you don't even know it😂. I'd advise you to reverse the whole thing. Do the teasing do the holding back do what she's been doing. She's playing the push pull well. If you do that well you'll turn her on bad. Everything she expects you to do when you're in the bedroom don't do. Act like you are the prize in the bedroom and don't make sex a big thing. Give her the gift of seduction of wanting you. Allow her to want you. I've done this with multiple women even though no one has ever made me wait but I've dealt with a lot of shy girls.

BradleyX · 2022-01-04T18:25:37+00:00

She’s just not that into you.

hardthumbs · 2022-01-04T18:33:27+00:00

Maybe stop pushing?

You say “every time I push for sex” then “I never pressure her even tho she says she isn’t ready”

Doesn’t make sense

pru51 · 2022-01-04T18:39:28+00:00

Just continue about your business. You have a life also. The fact you wrote an essay is a huge red flag that she was already picking up on.

thaughty · 2022-01-04T18:41:39+00:00

Talk to her about it.

Just tell her that you're feeling confused about her feelings/timeline. Don't press her for an explanation, just ask something along the lines of "what do you envision for the future wrt physical intimacy? is it something you want? if so, is there a certain length of time or event that you want to happen first? are there certain conditions that aren't being met? is there anything you want me to know that you haven't had a good opportunity to talk about?"

The goal is to find out what she wants and then figure out if you're compatible.

I definitely wouldn't phrase it as "withholding sex" as though "sex" is something she has sitting on a shelf somewhere ready to give to you. It's not an item that you can just hand someone, it's a very intimate mutual activity that you can't participate in unless you're ready.

chipetpet · 2022-01-04T19:05:46+00:00

Hey man. Im happy that you found someone who makes you feel excited and can spend a good time with.

I always acknowledged that there are no "gray" sides when it is about a relation between a man and a woman. It is either white or black.

She's having no trouble to get into your place, cuddle or kiss with you. From what i experienced until this day, had she didn't see you as a sex material who is physically or mentally suitable, she wouldnt even talk to you at all. Considering this, we at least know that she is seeing you as a suitable partner.

You are the one with penis and balls. You are the one that determines if there is going to be a breeding session or not. Because she picked you between hundreds of men. I think all you need is to push the boundaries and grab that butt, or scratch her vagina over the pants. Let your animalistic instincts grasp you once. There is nothing wrong with that.

That is what i think, man. Wish you good luck.

medinilla · 2022-01-04T19:08:05+00:00

There are lots of different reasons that she could be doing this. One is that she wants to get to know you better before having sex with you, because sex is very bonding, especially for women. It makes more sense to wait and date a while longer, to see how things pan out, and so that you are right for eachother, rather than sleeping together now and then trying to change eachother when you both see behaviour or character traits that you don’t like. I know you might think two months is a long time but it’s not really as it’s easy to fake being very nice to your partner for that length of time.

In any case, the best thing is to talk to her about it. Being close enough to be yourself and raise concerns with eachother is an important foundation for a relationship and so it’s worth taking the risk and opening up. I’m curious as to why you haven’t discussed it already, as it’s a reasonable concern.

Jacob_961 · 2022-01-04T19:22:07+00:00

I wouldn't deal with it. If she wants to sleep with you but isn't sleeping with you, it means she doesn't want to sleep with you. My suggestion is to take it one step at a time. Ask her to remove her close but keep her panties on. Just keep your boxer on. You will get a hard on, just start dry humping her and get her turned on. Suck on her nipples, side of the neck, get her turned on, choke her lightly while you suck on her nipples, the standard stuff. At some point, maybe like 1 hour in and yes it's going to take that much time, there will be a tipping point, take her hand and put it on your dick from outside the boxer, she will start rubbing it, then remove and she will continue, while she is rubbing your dick, start to rub her pussy from outside of her panties, if she objects, tell her to shut up and trust me, she will comply because at that point she wants it but just needs you to be assertive. Bear in mind, I'm not telling you to rape the chick but obviously if she clearly wants it but has a mental block, a bit of assertiveness can go a long way. Once, she gets a bit more aroused, put your hand inside her panties and start to finger her, she will object again. Again, if she is clearly into it but it's just a mental block, tell to shut up. She will comply immediately. Again note, if she clearly doesn't want it, stop immediately but more often than not a girl that wants you and is turned on will comply at some point. Anyways, once she is past the tipping point, ask her to remove her panties. Yes, you don't remove it yourself. She has to invest. She will do it and then you reward her with dick. If you force everything, she will resent you so she has to be a part of her seduction.

Y_Moya_C · 2022-01-04T19:51:35+00:00

I would make a statement like "Hey, I feel really atracted to you, and I know that you don't feel ready. That's ok. I just wanted to led you know that I feel little confused because you seem pretty ready when we text. I understand that texting can feel more safe and comfortable, but if you ever wanted to do it with me, you can tell me how can I help you feel more comfortable. Regardless I do enjoy my time with you A LOT. So don't worry that much about this either. I just wanted to led you know!"

Or something like that... I don't know if this helps, but this is the best I can do right now😅

2022-01-04T20:32:54+00:00

Ghost her. There's no point in spending time with someone who is only in it for the "experience"... Translation: Please spend your money on me, because my BF won't.

Cheers.

TTV-DontEvnTrip · 2022-01-04T21:23:11+00:00

She has herpes, and is in the middle of an outbreak

ilpcbf1524 · 2022-01-04T11:33:47+00:00

I don’t think she’s doing it to “tease” you, if that’s what you’re asking. It’s not a power play. If she doesn’t want to have sex she doesn’t want to have sex.

Also it’s weird to talk about her “withholding” sex as if it’s something you’re automatically entitled to and she is actively preventing you from doing. Change your mindset, respect her boundaries.

MinimumNew7743 · 2022-01-04T12:11:20+00:00

2 months? Broke nxgas would have her dick-whipped within 2 encounters. It’s crazy out here

i_love_crazy_hobos · 2022-01-04T09:21:22+00:00

Like others said, I think it’s a dangerous game to be involved with a girl that will withhold sex for that long. Makes me scared she will do it in the future. Over and over.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2022-01-04T10:16:39+00:00

Of course she is trying to manipulate you. Stop seeing her unless she puts out. What do you need her for? Make up your damn mind and stop settling for smelling her pussy.

no_not_this · 2022-01-04T11:43:02+00:00

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phizzyie · 2022-01-04T15:54:04+00:00

She probably has an STD

pdiggs1500 · 2022-01-04T16:56:26+00:00

She's not interested and is keeping you only as a backup. Women will make rules for some men but ignore the rules for others (e.g. Chads/Tyrones).

Keep your dignity, use this as a lesson and move on.

monkey36937 · 2022-01-04T09:32:03+00:00

Never say no problems with giving punishment. By punishment I mean taking away your attention

2 this"I never felt this way about a guy before is b's" if never felt about a guy before then she would still be a virgin, but she not.

After reading most of post sounds like she is in control from the minute she approached you, you are the female in this situation. Either grow a par and start talking to other people or stay here like a good boy waiting for pus pus

Letsdewit69 · 2022-01-04T08:19:33+00:00

So you think she will lose respect for you, because you dont pressure her to have sex.

I dont know how you think that women work buddy.

Also you said you enjoy the time with her. Dont put it like you would be wasting money because she wont let you fk her.

Shadow__Account · 2022-01-04T10:18:06+00:00

Get away from her, withdraw , think about it if she is really into you she’ll come back to you and drop the manipulation even though you likely already fucked up. She is manipulating you and you already showed her that you will let her. You want to have sex but you probably tell her that it’s ok not to have sex. But are you being honest? No you are frustrated yet you still let yourself get manipulated. If she wants you like you want her why would she play games think on that.be honest with yourself in the first place, you can’t make a topic about something that clearly frustrates you and at the same time say it’s not a big deal, this is weak behavior and you are also showing her this weak unrespectable behavior. The sad thing is even if you man up now and be blunt and straightforward you already fucked up by tolerating this previously. The foundation has been set, she manipulated you and you showed you are needy to the power of the pussy and that already made her perception of you.She basically tested you if you would chase her if she would withhold something you clearly want and you failed and kept chasing and put her over your needs thereby showing you are ( put yourself ) below her to be blunt

Billieclide · 2022-01-04T11:40:50+00:00

Long distance and she is still making u wait. Thats kinda of Fucked

creamyturtle · 2022-01-04T13:47:46+00:00

my guess is she has another guy she is seeing regularly, and feels conflicted

Fanmann · 2022-01-04T14:30:04+00:00

Wait, you said that you are both financially set, and then you say "...I am spending all this money on her doing these activities and trips, she will start to lose respect for me as a man if I keep doing this?? ..."

Is she not helping with the costs of this relationship? If not, that's not a relationship and that's a huge red flag right there my friend.

Sensitive-Permit-877 · 2022-01-04T14:53:26+00:00

Leave her actions are everything

2022-01-04T15:54:55+00:00

it’s long distance

Sigh.

I’m usually the type of guy who can get a lot of girls

Which might explain why you're particularly invested in the one girl you can't "get."

I enjoy my time with her so this isn’t as big of a deal

So why are you talking about this? Either it's a (big) deal or it's not. I suspect it is. But if you're here twisting your words in a post to strangers, good luck acting congruently when you're in the flesh with this woman.

it doesn’t add up because we’ve built trust and she isn’t a virgin, but she says she is not ready.

Trust and comfort isn't the only requirement in a romantic/sexual relationship. The attraction side matters too and there's no talk about it at all.

I know I probably sound like a pig which is not the case at all,

Not sure why you're being so apologetic. You have the right to want to have sex with your romantic partners. They have the right to say no. And then you have the right to keep it moving if you feel you aren't getting your needs met. If you can't get this basic truth straight in your mind, well, again, good luck acting congruently to that when you're out there in the real world dealing with women.

Anyway, I'd move on. All the talk about "communication" is pointless and not how things actually work out in the real world in my experience. More importantly, you need to work on ironing out your frame, which should hold true and constant regardless of the woman you're dealing with.

funnkmasterr · 2022-01-04T16:15:32+00:00

She’s not into you buddy

eyesopen1111 · 2022-01-04T17:23:37+00:00

Tl;dr: OP is a novice with oneitis. He should be moving things forward by fucking other chicks behind this girl's back and/or making her jealous with the attention he's getting from other girls.

This sounds like high school level communication because after two months of no sex, he still can’t get an answer to the basic question "why aren’t we fucking right now?"

He should suspect that she has a local guy she's fucking because this makes no sense as written.

2022-01-04T18:24:17+00:00

“Women make rules for betas and break rules for alphas.”

As much as I hate the alpha-beta terminology, this statement is 100% true.

If she’s as physically attractive as you say she is, she is likely accustomed to using this to manipulate thirsty (aka most) men.

I think she has you on the simp training plan. If i you like her, I see no issues with waiting until she’s comfortable. But I would make it clear that you will be having your sexual needs met elsewhere. If she reacts negatively/possessively to this, you can be almost certain she’s issuing sex to manipulate you. If she doesn’t trip about it, then you’ll know she cares about your needs, she’s just not ready to be responsive to them herself.

cyrusol · 2022-01-04T10:25:28+00:00

and always just say ok no problem I won’t force you

Aside from the fact that I would probably recommend you to look for someone else... dude, you can't word it that way. The human unconscious cannot correctly process "not". She'll register you forcing her. The conscious side will say "yeah, okay, I know, thanks" but she won't feel that way. You would have to word it "I'll let you your freedom" or whatever. But that's just slightly off-topic.

MikeAlphaGolf · 2022-01-04T10:15:55+00:00

Withdraw attention and when she asks why, tell her you’re looking for a sexual relationship. You’re not wrong to want this. If she isn’t on the same page then c’est la vie.

Simply_Konrad · 2022-01-04T14:37:46+00:00

I'm going to assume that bit you wrote about never having felt this way about a woman before is something you told her outright. Given how you've spent money with traveling and doing fun things as you said without any sexy times, she is holding out on you and every one of those make out sessions is her dangling the carrot, so to speak, to keep you in pursuit. And yes, I would say she has lost respect for you if she had any to begin with. As far as there being a genuine connection, I'm not going to call her a liar or a deceitful person, but women are far more socially developed than us guys are. So, she could be putting on one helluva performance.

If you want to turn the game around and get in her head, I would set her up with someone just her type without her knowledge of your involvement, get her to fuck the guy (or girl if she's into it), and then let her know how happy you are that you were able to bring her some pleasure. The thing women like her know is how powerful her pussy is. So, you have to take away that power by showing her it has no power over you.

(I should point out I have never done this/have no experience in the field. I am only repeating what the late Patrice O'Neal could've potentially said about this scenario. This is important to note because many have regarded him as someone who understood women inside and out, literally and metaphorically. SERIOSULY, LOOK HIM UP. THERE ARE PLENTY OF VIDEOS OF HIS GOING OVER SITUATIONS LIKE THIS ON YOUTUBE. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. IF YOU TAKE AWAY ONE THING FROM MY COMMENT, IT SHOULD BE THIS.)

Armybert · 2022-01-04T17:43:40+00:00

Whatever she does now she’ll do it later when she’s married

erarjorin · 2022-01-04T11:10:15+00:00

The term “withholding sex” sounds like she owes sex, for example, my employer is withholding my paycheck which I earned, sex is not something you earn by spending time or money on her, she is setting a boundary saying she doesn’t wanna be intimate with you in such a short time.

Just cause she’s not a virgin doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with a guy she’s barely known for 2 months. She could’ve been in relationships where she knew the guys a friends for a long time before intimacy, she doesn’t feel the same with you cause she doesn’t know you very well.

Derpakiinlol · 2022-01-04T10:56:47+00:00

The real answer is to talk to her and ask what her hang ups are. We can make all the assumptions we want but only she knows exactly why she is holding out

Cal_G · 2022-01-04T11:40:48+00:00

I think you should try different advances. She doesn’t want what your giving her and right now you’re being very passive. A women wouldn’t travel, sleep with you, be intimate with you if she wasn’t ready.

LolaBijou · 2022-01-04T14:39:32+00:00

She’s making sure you’re not there to hit it and quit it. She’s probably had a lot of guys do that to her in the past.

Pmurphy37 · 2022-01-04T14:41:53+00:00

Personally I think she really likes you and she’s enjoying her time with you, and once you start sleeping with her she thinks you’ll just do that a few times and leave. Being long distance this would be a worry for me too

kylomorales · 2022-01-04T14:10:38+00:00

Have you say down to have an honest and frank conversation about sex and what's up with her? There's a lot of possibilities. Sometimes they want to wait because the relationship is special and they feel it's going somewhere long term so they're not rushing. She might be manipulating you. She might have no malicious intention at all. Hell, some girls are into CNC and push it to very morally grey areas (if this is the case you absolutely have to communicate beforehand and have safewords in place). Whatever the case, you'll find out when you say "we need to talk" and then ask her what's up

Just be very clear that you're not just in it for the sex and all that jazz, like you said, this topic can make you sound like a pig even if it's not really what you mean

VDKay · 2022-01-04T14:45:33+00:00

In my personal opinion, either one of these is almost always the case:

She does not feel ready for it. This may be about her (religious, got hurt in the past, other trauma, scared of LDR, asexual, etc.) or about you (you come through as a player)
She is seeing someone else (for sex) who is more important than you and she feels she does not like to "cheat" him with you. Could be an ex who she is not totally over yet.

In either case, you could equally "manipulate" her by subtly (or overtly) implying that you are fine with it because you are getting sex somewhere else. You'd be surprised how many times this has worked. Don't be an ass about it. Just make it clear that you are not seeing her exclusively. If she indeed cares about you, and wants to carry on being "together" with you, she will get the message

Plane-Asparagus-4266 · 2022-01-04T15:22:11+00:00

My ex said that for almost first 2 months but we were genuinely connected so I told her I liked her soo much that I don’t even want sex and she said that was the best thing I ever could say to her. My man we smashed after that week

2022-01-04T15:13:43+00:00

Duude try to understand her side, maybe her first or last time was very bad and that has hurt her so much, that IFE she has sex she will be again reminded of her trauma. and about spending money on her means you are being quite desperate and not respecting her consent, so just keep of your male ego and the very little of bit patrairchy you have in you and just let her be herself and open up ton you deeper, All the best to you two.

ScuzeRude · 2022-01-04T15:29:44+00:00

See. This is why seduction subs are kinda trash. No one here can answer the question of why she isn’t ready for sex—only she can. And instead of being curious about it, asking her questions, showing investment in her well-being regardless of the outcome to you, you’re out here “pushing” her for sex and assuming she’s “withholding” (newsflash: she can’t withhold something that isn’t yours in the first place!).

My advice would be to grow up and start learning how to actually talk to women like, y’know, people. Which they are.

Coconut-Lemon_Pie · 2022-01-04T09:50:45+00:00

I don't understand, are you both traveling together and you're paying for everything or you are travelling to her because she can't travel to you? How much money have you spent and on what things? If you're both financially set why do you need to spend so much on her?

Aquix · 2022-01-04T12:16:46+00:00

Her behavior screams like you are her beta-male provider (in which case the rules for sex are set differently for you).

However, it could also very well be because of past trauma or how she was cultured (her not being a virgin doesn't mean she's easy to bed, and you said it's long-distance so how many actual sexual encounters have you attempted?)

I truly just want some input on what I need to do here

Think. You have chemistry and everything seems fine to you, including her telling you she wants to fuck you. There's a missing piece here. Communicate that you don't think she respects you and that there's a part of you that believes she's either faking or "playing games". Draw your boundaries and stick by them - accept the fact that perhaps this isn't the girl for you. She'll either confess whatever she's hiding to you (or make up a story) and fuck you, or she won't and you'll know to walk away from that trap. It's a win-win. Don't waste more of your time and resources.

CarpetBagger96 · 2022-01-04T18:01:35+00:00

she’s playing you brother. She doesn’t want to fuck you. period. Cut her loose and find another. because the last 10 dudes she fucked she fucked them fast and for free and didn’t make them wait.

brabus4 · 2022-01-04T19:55:13+00:00

Maybe just ask. So when we gonna f *winky face. If she is withholding sex she either doesn't like you, is manipulating you or has a ton of baggage. There could be a good reason(which I don't believe, but very well could be) so ask without making her feel pressured. In the meantime, if you are not exclusive you should definitely keep talking to other girls, because a lot of the time, if she isn't getting her sex from you, she is from someone else.

Progress-Competitive · 2022-01-04T13:17:23+00:00

Withholding sex doesn’t exist. She is not withholding sex. Why? Because to say that she is withholding something implies an entitlement to the thing you are not receiving. You are not entitled to sex EVER. Not even if you buy her flowers, not even if you buy her dinner, not even if she kisses you, not even if she gets you hard, not even if she says she wants sex and then changes her mind. She owes you 0 (ZERO) sex. Therefore, she is not withholding sex. If you want your dick wet then go on tinder and find someone who is willing.

CigarFrog · 2022-01-04T16:12:14+00:00

If Sex isn't an issue, then deal. But if it is this is clearly a Red Flag! Dump her and move on. Don't try to change her, that's not your place. The phrase "plenty of fish" for a reason. - ZenMachine

Ecofre-33919 · 2022-01-04T16:33:21+00:00

Maybe she should get a physical. Does sex hurt her? Is there a hormone imbalance somewhere? Does she just naturally have a low libido? Is she somewhat asexual and just saying what she says to you out of duty to fit in? Or is she really more lesbian and you are just her cover guy to show to the world she is straight?

Decumulate · 2022-01-04T16:45:50+00:00

How are things otherwise as they pertain to intimacy? Besides the things she tells you, does her body language suggest that she is obviously sexually into you? The reality is, many many women want the feeling of being in a relationship, but are sexually attached to someone in the past still. It’s a bit of a raw deal for men, and it’s probably something she doesn’t even consciously acknowledge.

I had the same thing happen once. When I finally left, she broke down and started screaming a bunch of crap about her ex. It made me realize quickly that she was still in deep love with him and I was her emotional rebound.

The f-ed up element of this: if you were to call it out and say “look, I get that you aren’t sexually ready yet but I need that. That said, I’m having a good time together as friends and want to keep that going”, she would probably freak out. It’s a bad situation for you all around, hence why this dynamic almost always results in fizzling out.

I also don’t agree that you can do anything to suddenly make her want it after months of being together. You’ve already shown your cards and gone through the escalation process. This is a selection problem, not a seduction problem - sometimes men need to be more selective up front.

drgreen987 · 2022-01-04T17:21:17+00:00

Don’t take this the wrong way but she likely had a one night before meeting you (she might not admit this to you). Do you think she cared then? No, she’s trying to manipulate you into thinking that she isnt “easy” and is relationship/marriage worthy. its up to you how you move from here but dont push for sex in stead i would actually do the opposite and not want sex from her. She will then try to escalate herself. I had a girl who said no sex until 2 months, slept with her the same night. Dont matter what they say, its how you make em feel

SgtSplacker · 2022-01-04T17:23:42+00:00

You need to with hold a little bit too, you can decide what. Don't make it seem like you are already all in on the relationship either. Sex is a big box to check off, don't ignore it. She might have a friggin STD for all you know. Tread carefully..

jackzander · 2022-01-04T17:43:15+00:00

I am spending all this money on her doing these activities and trips

bruh

illyxxx · 2022-01-04T17:45:18+00:00

you told on yourself when you said you’ve never been in a situation like this before. mind/matter yo

skinisblackmetallic · 2022-01-04T18:07:58+00:00

If you don’t feel comfortable spending so much money then stop doing that. It doesn’t mean you don’t see her anymore…. Unless of course she isn’t into it anymore without the $$$$…. At which point you will have new information.

Lopsided_Breakfast99 · 2022-01-04T20:04:52+00:00

As a girl I can say, if she wanted to she would. Sometimes we withhold sex for trust, or respect for the relationship but if she’s dangling it and not moving forward it’s a red flag

Sup3rHD · 2022-01-04T20:08:16+00:00

Long distance relationships are for beta. She is fucking other guys after 1 date and she is not attracted a lot to you and wants to control you by holding sex. Walk away bro trust me, she is playing games with You.

A-sop-D · 2022-01-04T20:10:08+00:00

You can go ahead and next this one bro. You're not her saviour and leaving her can only work for you. She'll figure it out on her own.

whomeverIwishtobe · 2022-01-04T20:33:36+00:00

Im sorry man I’ve wasted a lot of time on girls like her and the sad fact is it’s too late for this dynamic to be changed and despite any sexually charged energy, she is hesitant and so it’s just not gonna work out.

You should have:

A) pulled the trigger sooner

B) built more attraction at the outset

C) not wasted so much time and money on someone not sexually gratifying to you

I don’t want to have a relationship or date a woman who doesn’t want sex. Some men accept that or don’t even mind. Not me; and it seems not you either.

End it.

Tell her why and what’s making it so you can’t move forward, but end it.

TheCaribbeanRedditor · 2022-01-04T20:50:37+00:00

99% sure that she has a man that she actually is having sex with

Geodude07 · 2022-01-04T20:56:35+00:00

Never feel like a pig for wanting what makes you happy. Being a pig is if you take what you want without regards to someone else.

Being yourself is honoring your desires, making them clear and leaving if you are not being fulfilled. There are lots of reasons people may be worried about having sex, but too bad. It's cold sounding, but it's not your problem.

It's not like you'd say she's a gold digger or a tease for not putting out despite all the things you're showering onto her. Just be upfront about what you feel.

"Look. I like you a lot. I am serious. Sex matters to me and I want to know why you're not letting me get close to you like that. If we can't, then I am going to move on because it's not fair to me to be denied something that makes me feel loved"

Title	Girl with holding sex?
Author	CuriousWonder17
Upvotes	196
Comments	240
Date	January 4, 2022 8:04 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rvp8lm/girl_with_holding_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/girl-with-holding-sex.1269696 https://theredarchive.com/post/1269696

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