Gents, I'm stuck in an unhappy marriage and find myself in the sad situation of contemplating divorce. However, I fear I will be financially ruined if I go down that path. This is making me feel completely trapped. I'm reaching out for help/advice from those who have been in similar circumstances. Here's my situation:

  • Married for between 15 and 20 years.
  • Age: mid-40s.
  • Residents of Canada (province of Ontario)
  • 2 kids, both under 6. (We had difficulty conceiving and needed fertility treatment. As a result, our 2 boys are young, considering the length of the marriage).
  • I'm in a stable career and earn CDN $100k+ per year.
  • Wife earns around 20% of what I earn. She's in a low-skilled job and works part-time. Even if she worked full-time, her income would still be less than 50% of mine. It's unlikely she could/would go back to school to get a better-paying job.
  • My retirement plan through my work is worth $500k+.
  • We own a home together and have around $500k in equity there.
  • No other significant debts, but no significant savings either.
  • I was on track to retire before age 60. My job is stressful and the option to retire before 60 has been a light at the end of the tunnel, helping me get through the daily grind.
  • No "smoking gun" (cheating, abuse), but the marriage is loveless, we argue constantly, and I don't see therapy changing that.

Based on my understanding of the divorce process in Canada, I understand our assets (including the value of my retirement plan at work) will get split 50/50. I understand I will also owe child support (even in a dual-custody scenario, and I definitely want shared custody), as well as spousal support (alimony).

Given the young age of our boys, I might have up to 20 years of child support to pay. In Ontario, I believe child support lasts until the children finish a post-secondary degree/diploma.

Given the income disparity between my wife and I, the spousal support (alimony) could be significant and for a lot of years.

When I used an online calculator, it looks like my child support and spousal support obligations would take up such a large chunk of my income that I would struggle to even live a basic life, rent a basement apartment, etc.

My two options seem to be:

  1. Pursue the divorce and live in poverty. My much-anticipated retirement would need to be delayed, in order to meet my child support and spousal support obligations. - or -
  2. Remain stuck in a miserable and loveless marriage. As I mention above, I can't see any amount of therapy reviving the marriage. I feel that once the love is gone, it's gone.

Both options are untenable from my perspective. Am I truly trapped? It would be great if someone could share advice/experiences that may give me some hope.