Women: How many of you want men to improve their social skills?

beautyloser · 2024-09-28T21:29:56+00:00

Yes, but counter question: when a man does something inappropriate or creepy, how do you suggest we phrase our boundaries or redirection without it coming off as a full rejection?

I’ve done this before with a man I thought was cute at a bar and he was clearly nervous and he broke the touch barrier way too early and intensely by caressing my neck. I said (word for word) “hey man let’s slow it down, you’re cute but that was a lot” and he got embarrassed and defensive.

It seems men who are socially unskilled are just as bad at not taking feedback personally, resulting in an uncomfortable catch-22 that the woman has to constantly accommodate for while he repeatedly crosses boundaries.

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-09-28T23:25:56+00:00

Sure I would have no problem with them speaking to me. But I think what your question implies is that the women they are talking to improve their social skills are women they want to date and whom they are approaching for that purpose. The best way for men to build social skills a long women is to be in an enviornment around women whom they have zero interest in dating or at the very least have a secondary or primary interest other than dating. So for example men are often told to volunteer, or to take a class etc. that makes it a lot less awkward for them.

EulenWatcher · 2024-09-28T22:24:22+00:00

Sure, I want people struggling with dating and socializing to improve their social skills. I don't mind them talking to me and I'd be glad to give them any feedback if they asked for one, but I can't provide any close relationships or constant communication.

leosandlattes · 2024-09-28T21:55:30+00:00

I think it's nice for all people to improve their social skills, generally. Both on the context of flirting and outside of it as well.

I've talked to so many awkward men back in college and also at work or networking events (I work in tech). I'm not sure what you guys are imagining it to be like... most of these guys aren't doing random sexualized creepy behavior, lol. At most they're just kind of quiet. On occasion they crack a joke or something like that and it's funny so I let them know I found it funny.

Being flirted with (even badly) is not something crazy or a social faux pas necessarily. Women will just be disinterested and the guy will move on. It's as simple as that. If the guy is crossing boundaries (usually physically), I mean he has to learn that way too if the woman tells him to fuck off (in so many words).

missmireya · 2024-09-28T22:04:53+00:00

Yes. But more importantly, I want to be talked to/treated like a human being and not an object by men. I feel like middle aged men are the worst when it comes to this.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-09-28T23:31:41+00:00

Are you asking to practice on women? Can you clarify this question?

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-09-28T23:24:37+00:00

Question 1: I think the amount of men who are really bad at socializing isn't as high as some people imagine but yeah, some dudes need a crash course in how not to be weird.

Question 2: I wouldn't mind, provided the guys were open to criticism and suggestions. If they're going to get whiny and/or defensive if you tell them what they did/said was inappropriate/creepy/pushy/rude, I'd stop engaging with them.

ThatBitchA · 2024-09-28T21:35:03+00:00

I think most men have great social skills and don't need to improve.

Second question: How many of you want to be one of the people that these socially unskilled men talk to when trying to improve social skills and learn what's appropriate and how to flirt and express attraction without being creepy?

Most women were those people in jr high and high school.

I'm sure there's professionals who can teach social skills instead of unsuspecting strangers. It's a bit strange to ask strangers to teach someone social skills.

Cactaceaemomma · 2024-09-28T22:57:43+00:00

I'm too old to be bothered with it. Are these teenage boys we're talking about?

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SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-09-29T05:43:56+00:00

I know a lot of men in my family my husbands most of my team at work are men.

2 could do with improving their social skills a bit it’s mainly lack of confidence

So no over all I don’t see many men that need to. The ones I know I am more than happy to help

As a married woman I don’t tend to go round talking to random men in social settings any more

chalkandapples · 2024-09-29T07:29:23+00:00

Why wouldn't I want men to improve their social skills? And sure, they can practice and talk to me if they want. I'm socially awkward myself but improved a lot. And I find that people that are even more socially awkward than me like talking to me because the pace and energy I talk at matches them better and I'm less intimidating.

Unique_Mind2033 · 2024-09-28T22:19:36+00:00

It's not about developing social skills or charm it's about developing sincerity

when someone uses social skills to seem charming, it feels hollow and manipulative and I can't develop any sort of trust toward that person

So I would bypass the social skills development and go straight to the secret ingredient (compassion)

Makes women (everyone) feel more trusting and vulnerable bc it's real 💪💗

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-09-29T01:21:12+00:00

Here are the real questions you need to be asking:

Why didn’t these men learn social skills in grade school?

AND

Why is it up to women specifically to have “socially unskilled men” practice talking to them and only them? Women aren’t Barbra the builder; here to build up a man so he can dump her for a “better” women after she fixes him. Men have a responsibility to themselves to work on their own self improvement. It’s not women’s responsibility to run a charity service to improve men’s dating lives at the cost of their own.

Seriously though, there is no reason for anyone not to learn how to socialize young without needing special attention assuming they went to public school. Talking to women should feel normal and natural not like you’re trying to be smooth.🙄Men trying to slide into women’s DMs to get laid is the real problem with men’s dating attempts. All men need to do is completely ditch this idea of sleeping around with lots of women (as most men will never be rich or attractive enough to experience that in their lifetime anyway) and focus on finding a life partner to commit to and settle down with and then communication wouldn’t be so awkward and stressful for men. The rejections wouldn’t be as harsh either if women knew they were safe form men trying to pressure them into sex.

Think about it, no one likes it when someone tries to sell you something crappy that you don’t want or need and that’s exactly what’s going on when men are trying to sell women on the idea of casual “fun”.

SaBahRub · 2024-09-28T21:22:52+00:00

I’m not in favor of coercion.

If you hate people and it’s torture to interact, don’t

MistyMaisel · 2024-09-29T02:07:43+00:00

I've never minded helping a dude learn social skills platonically or via joke flirting or general female male friendships. Frankly, 95% of this can be learned just by flirting with everyone all the time constantly in a light hearted manner. You shouldn't need to specifically bother women in a genuine trying manner.

But I've also never been interested in being anyone's practice in how not to be a creep. That other 5% comes from genuinely being concerned about the best interests of the women you're approaching and not being a headcase in their direction.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-09-29T11:54:48+00:00

Nope, we learned this in school if you missed that boat you’re on your own.

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-09-29T12:41:58+00:00

Men as a whole? I have no interest in the matter one way or another, as long as they stay out my business.

If a specific man I know has social issues then sure I'd hope he could improve his social skills if that was the issue, and I'd give my advice if asked.

I'm not sure what you mean by the last part, I'm not taking part in national service over the matter. I've been a barmaid and I definitely gave a lot of chat to men who needed that, that's part of the job. I'm not here for random men to approach and practice flirting on though, that's bizarre.

Sophiatab · 2024-09-29T18:54:25+00:00

I wish my husband had a lot fewer social skills. I hate some of his friends. Social skills for men aren't that difficult to learn either. Don't act out sexually with a woman who isn't your wife. How is that so goddamn difficult to understand? I know the answer, Male creeps don't want to understand. They know their behavior is unacceptable, but keep trying to get away with it.

AnonPinkLady · 2024-09-30T04:23:25+00:00

I think it’s great to improve social skills for everyone- I’m still learning things as a neurodivergent 27 yo woman, but if someone otherwise nice and friendly told me they were struggling to make friends and wanted advice on how to respect women’s boundaries and bond with them in a potentially romantic way I’d say sure as long as they treated them like people and were willing to actually heed my advice

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-09-28T22:03:23+00:00

How many of you want men to improve their social skills?

I don't care what men do as long as it doesn't infringe on others' pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness

In order to want them to do things I'd have to care in the first place

How many of you want to be one of the people that these socially unskilled men talk to when trying to improve social skills and learn what's appropriate and how to flirt and express attraction without being creepy?

Why on earth would I willingly desire to subject myself to this

AngeCruelle · 2024-09-29T01:40:54+00:00

I was that girl for my BF lol. I don't regret it. AMA.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-09-29T06:05:51+00:00

You shouldn’t need to see the disgust on my face to know what is socially appropriate. Observing others and learning in other ways should be enough to do at least 70% of what is required to be normal. I’ll do the last 30% with you, but only after you’ve exhausted the other options.

Title	Women: How many of you want men to improve their social skills?
Author	CthulhusIntern
Upvotes	17
Comments	157
Date	September 28, 2024 7:08 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1frlnng/women_how_many_of_you_want_men_to_improve_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-how-many-of-you-want-men-to-improve-their.1531392 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531392

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