Do you think you can actually Empathize and understand the points of men

Oli_love90 · 2026-01-16T08:58:58+00:00

I mean as a woman who falls outside of norm for most women, I do understand. It’s likely I’ll never be in a relationship and it’s a hard reality to accept. That being said, every time a guy brings up how women should empathize with them, they can’t seem to answer how or why

How do you think we can get billions of women to collectively empathize, and what does that look like? If you ask the women who are less fortunate in love to empathize, would this help?

Why would you ask for women’s opinion if you’ve already decided that they won’t get your experience, what would that even do for you or other guys?

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2026-01-16T09:14:43+00:00

Yes I belive parts of dating are a lot harder for men. I sympathise with that.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-01-16T12:41:19+00:00

I can empathize with men, but what does that actually look like? Empathy doesn’t magically change dating, and it doesn’t mean women ignore their own experiences. Men dealing with scarcity is real. Women dealing with bad, unsafe, or unfulfilling options is also real. They’re not the same issue, but they’re happening in the same market. Understanding men matters, but validation alone doesn’t fix dating. If there’s no talk about behaviour, expectations, or compatibility, nothing actually changes.

Sonia314 · 2026-01-16T08:41:13+00:00

Identity politics leads to really inaccurate beliefs.

It's just as bad when redpillers do it as when feminists do it. Human beings have the mental capacity to understand things they haven't personally experienced well enough to have useful opinions on it. That's how knowledge was passed down enough to create civilization in the first place.

Another flaw in identity politics is that people who belong to groups with different averages can still have similar experiences due to other factors. For example, I'm a woman but didn't have sex for a decade because of my mental health issues. While a person who was exactly the same as me but a man would have had a harder time, such severe mental health issues limited my dating chances much more than being a man does for men.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2026-01-16T11:06:54+00:00

As a woman who isn't conventionally attractive, I can understand men's points yes.

Lysa_Bell · 2026-01-16T08:57:38+00:00

I think my main issue with the way empathy and understanding is viewed by men which makes it harder for me to actually do these things.

Because everytime I say I assume I can understand and empathise on these topics I am told that I will never understand how it feels or that just saying I understand does nothing.

So my question is more about what am I supposed to do with this? If I agree that women have a different experience in dating with their own struggles it becomes oppression Olympics so its not really worth bringing up womens suffering to help men empathise and understand. The only other solution would trying to show empathy as best as I can which is with talking about the issue and expressing compassion that the person is going through this - which tends to result in attacks on "your platitudes aren't enough".

How do men want women to express the empathy and understanding? Because empathy doesnt mean a certain action and apparently men are stuggling with lack of actions in situations they can't influence. Suggesting acceptance is viewed as "giving up on life itself".

We can talk about the topic of dating and relationships and everything. We can bring empathy and understanding. But it seems like this isnt enough? For some reason empathy and understanding is not enough but there needs to be some sort of action that is completely outside of the scope of empathy and understanding?

So what are we supposed to do?

DMmeClownPics · 2026-01-16T15:23:16+00:00

Yeah I was ugly and awkward growing up and faced my share of rejection. I remember clearly all my friends hooking up with guys and me being alone for a couple of years in high school and wondering what was wrong with me. My friend tried to set me up with her boyfriend’s best friend who I didn’t really think was attractive but I was willing to give him a shot, and he told her that I didn’t look Iike the girls he usually dates. Even when I finally got someone interested in me he was an adult preying on a teenager with low self esteem and no one stepped in to protect me from that. But that’s beside the point.

Idk what’s supposed to help though. I don’t have any height requirements for men that I date, or rules about who makes the first move or who pays for dates, or what kind of income they have or anything. My boyfriend is 5’9”, bald, skinny-fat, and works in the kitchen at an assisted living facility. But that’s not what I see when I look at him. I see a vibrant, passionate, creative man with beautiful kind eyes and an adorable smile who cares deeply about what he does for work and cares deeply for people in general. He is tight with his family and has a strong bond with his nieces and nephews. He’s a great dancer, a better kisser, and an even better lover. I’m absolutely crazy about him.

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-01-16T13:36:37+00:00

Yes to a certain degree, but many men respond to any attempt at expressing empathy with hate, derision, and rejection. Men claim that women are unempathetic towards them and then when a woman tries to be empathetic, it’s “you don’t understand! you’ve never struggled for anything in your life! you don’t care about me you only care about Chad!” So many men claim that women are unempathetic and then shut down any woman who tries to be empathetic towards them.

So I’ve stopped trying to express empathy for men outside of the men in my irl life.

mar-uh-wah-nuh · 2026-01-16T08:56:34+00:00

I deeply empathize with men. Dating is really hard for young men right now. I think young people are really struggling in general. I just wish we could organize around our common enemy‐‐the corporations that are ruining our global political and financial systems and making is harder and harder for people to have free time and feel connected to others. I think social media is a problem. I think dating apps are a problem. I think our anti-worker global economy is a problem. I think unaffordable living conditions are a huge problem. If these problems were addressed in a meaningful way, I genuinely think our social reality would improve substantially, including men's dating experiences and prospects. I would love for us to organize around our shared struggles instead of focusing on the trivial issues that divide us.

Meallaire · 2026-01-16T08:53:20+00:00

I'd like to think I can empathize, but I don't know that I can truly understand. Most (not all) women only experience super high desire levels depending on where they are in their cycle, so even if we have a dry spell, there's a decent chunk of the time we don't even WANT sex unless the strong feelings we have for a partner come into play. From what I've been told by high desire men, they don't really get that same relief from high desire on a hormonal level without actually fulfilling those desires. Of course, high desire women who don't experience significant cyclical desire drops are out there, but I am not one of them.

tl;dr I don't think I can fully understand it, but I can acknowledge it must be very frustrating for high desire individuals that aren't having sex. I don't think it makes those men freaks or pathetic to be centering so much mental energy to the sex they aren't getting, though I do genuinely feel sad for them. Humans that aren't getting their core desires fulfilled obsess about it, it's normal. I think as long as those men aren't going out and assaulting people to fulfill their needs we shouldn't mock their frustration.

toasterchild · 2026-01-16T14:59:58+00:00

The problems with this mindset is how these spaces define "blue pillers" it is anyone who doesn't agree with redpill. That means it includes most women who do empathize with lonely men who struggle socially and also all of the naturally social, outgoing people with oodles of confidence who can't relate at all on any level about it.

If you want empathy you have to look for it in places where people can relate to you a little bit. If you want empathy you have to be careful to leave out rants where you blame other groups of people for your situation. If you want empathy a good place to look for it is in places where you can also give it.

There is literally no way to get all of any group of people to agree with you all of the time, you have to actively search out people who you feel better talking to and sharing time with and avoiding the ones who don't get you at all.

Happy_Huckleberry246 · 2026-01-16T11:36:57+00:00

I have empathy for men’s dating struggles but not for dry streaks and (at least on this subreddit) that’s what they really seem to care about.

This question pops up regularly and I always ask what actions men would like women to take to show empathy. I either don’t get an actual answer or it comes down to them wanting it to be easier to get casual sex.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2026-01-16T13:00:45+00:00

I understand they're in distress, I understand why they're in distress, I do believe much of that distress is inappropriate and if they'd get out of their myopic world they'd realize that.

However, I too have been distressed by my own myopic desires before so I can empathize with this situation.

Why do I think I have something to contribute? Well, I've gotten out of my own way before so I have some insight into how that works. I also know very often why they're failing with women generically and specifically if given enough data. I speak nerd pretty fluently so I can communicate metaphorically with a lot of the struggling dudes. I also fluently speak debate bro, so that helps.

Putting it most simply, if you think your reality is that wildly separate...there's a good chance you're just being a sad boi emo cry baby....and I'm decent at dragging that sort of person back to reality with the rest of us. (Not perfect, but I do an ok job from time to time).

Lemon_gecko · 2026-01-16T08:39:05+00:00

"What leads you to believe that your opinion or perspective meaningfully contributes to this discussion?" - men trying to date women, and us women being literally the other half of this process.

The question is so what? Like you, as other men, cry about women not understanding you to what point? What do you want? Lets imagine that i magically will understand you now, so what? My reasons still the same, my actions are still the same, and guess what, my level of sympathy is still the same because men taught me what should i show or not.

Anyway, you all cry about women not understanding you, while making literally 0 effort of understanding women and their reasons and perspective. What makes you think you have some leg to stand on in all discussions?

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2026-01-16T08:44:51+00:00

Yes I understand them and this is the recoil of issues feminists have been complaining about for decades such as the oversexualization of women. Women are the "prize" and their wants and desires are not considered or met because men have not been socialised to meet them.

It's a double edged sword and unless you consider both these sides you're just going to be arguing with yourself and blaming it all on the opposite sex to satisfy your need to absolve yourself and make sense of things you don't have all the answers to.

Like "women are just naturally hypergamous harpies and hate 80% of men and think they're subhuman". You're just asking the question and then answering it yourself.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2026-01-16T19:19:43+00:00

I can empathize and understand, but I don't think that's what a lot of guys on here care about. There is always something else beyond understanding that they want, some kind of action to be taken by women as a whole, to fix their woes. And I don't really see how that can become a reality. Like, what is expected of women here? What actions should we take, how should we change to accommodate these guys? Is there even a way to do that?

Half the guys on here go on about women lowering their standards, giving guys a chance, not only going for the guys they find attractive. The other half complain about being settled for, how a woman must lust for them immediately, or it doesn't count. If the only solution is that unattractive men should suddenly be seen on par with attractive ones, that's not going to happen. Because men also don't see unattractive women on the same level as attractive ones.

mashedturnip · 2026-01-16T15:05:49+00:00

It is very easy to understand men, since we are all human, and because men communicate their thoughts and desires freely.

It is also very easy to understand men’s struggles, because everyone knows that women are nowhere near as thirsty as men, due to men’s words and actions

Women just won’t do what men want, which is fuck them, because we don’t want to.

Unfortunately, women are not empathetic to men trying to make us do things we don’t want to, and hating us because we won’t do things we don’t want to

ValeWho · 2026-01-16T10:33:38+00:00

I can empathize with the problems of men and believe it or not there are some women in this world who also experience the "male perspective" of dating. No one is showing interest in them, they get rejected when they make advances.

Just because the majority of women face a different reality than most men doesn't mean the world is black and white.

So yes, I think I have empathy and many problems I do understand even if I haven't experienced them myself.

But my understanding has its limits because some men make claims that contradict everything I have witnessed in my personal life. Or they talk about women as if they are just mean spirited and blame women for their situation as if women only rejected them to make them feel bad

Tylikcat · 2026-01-16T21:54:33+00:00

But how long does the person have to be in the desert before they drink sewage.

...an awful long time, considering that you don't need to date to live.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-01-16T15:59:37+00:00

i absolutely understand the points men make and thats why i was in the manosphere for almost 20 yrs . no. i dont "empathize" with anyone because thats not a thing. it is also not my business that strange foreign men cant fuck in the west. go get your moms to arrange marriages for you

Keep_calm_or_else · 2026-01-16T19:49:35+00:00

Most people, male and female, deal with those things as part of life. I don't know why men won't listen to women's experiences. It seems men are the ones willfully lacking empathy and understanding in this area.

love_in_october · 2026-01-16T16:42:58+00:00

Obviously I can empathise with men as we are both human and I have had some similar experiences to the men saying these things, not that the coddling they expect ever did anyone any good (it's only natural, but as I know from teaching, just doing what someone wants and being nice isn't usually the best way to help them in the long run). These men certainly don't want to empathise with women though, they're sad and want to attack, they're not interested in the truth or improving things. I know women are just expected to roll over for the sake of niceness but these are the first signals of toxic beliefs that can harm them and those around them.

wild_squirrel_ · 2026-01-16T18:08:19+00:00

I do think I can personally understand to a degree. I spent most of my 20’s in a femcel mindset and was extremely frustrated romantically and sexually. I felt repulsive and subhuman, like I was being kept out of a quintessential human experience. I understand how much being isolated and feeling romantically/sexually hopeless impacts your self worth.

However- I recognize a lot of that was delusion on my part and I didn’t experience as much rejection as men do. I think if I were a man I would have had a lot more external factors feeding into that mindset to confirm it instead of having external factors helping me realize I was incorrect. So there’s limitations to my understanding.

I’ve always resented the general societal consensus that there’s something wrong with you if you are single.

United_Donkey8368 · 2026-01-16T09:05:19+00:00

That's because you think and value things like a man. If you had a woman's mind, you'd know that a dry spell doesn't affect us at all.

In fact, most sex for women is bad. The world of abundant dating doesn't work for us because these are generally men who only want sex, which doesn't benefit us in any way other than providing validation, and that can be obtained from other sources and activities.

ambiguous-potential · 2026-01-16T20:09:07+00:00

To a point I can empathize with men. Being lonely is awful. It's incredibly hard to put yourself out there knowing that you're likely going to be rejected. Lots of men will die single.

I'm a lesbian, and the number of true lesbians is incredibly small. I'll likely remain single, even though I have literally no standard outside of being alive, and I've started to come to terms with that. That doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with other women, straight or otherwise. I am not owed any of them, and I respect their standards. I don't understand why people get so angry.

More women should be aware of and empathize with men's issues. Not just around dating, around mental health too. But other than that, women can't be forced to do anything. You can't force them to date you, or change their standards.

bondepart · 2026-01-16T23:28:34+00:00

most woman live in a world of absolute abundance for Dating

An abundance of bad choices isn’t exactly better than having no choice.

Big-Bodybuilder-5035 · 2026-01-16T18:02:55+00:00

Yes I just don't sympathize with most of the points men bring up here

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Title	Do you think you can actually Empathize and understand the points of men
Author	Ok_Cook_3098
Upvotes	18
Comments	340
Date	January 16, 2026 8:31 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qeamq9/do_you_think_you_can_actually_empathize_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-you-can-actually-empathize-and.1571260 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571260

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