Bumble is proof that women have to been taught to be very lazy when it comes to courtship

ThotismSpeaks · 2026-03-12T23:15:07+00:00

Women are usually less interested in pursuing men than men are in pursuing women.

Of course the most attractive men were getting messages. Most dating apps have at least 4 male users for every woman and it's probably more considering some of the "female" profiles are bound to be bots, scammers, or sex workers.

Bekiala · 2026-03-13T01:25:34+00:00

All of these apps just seem to prey on lonely men. Also it looks like Bumble, like most dating apps, is mostly men. The small percentage of women on the app may be lazy but mainly they just aren't on the app at all.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-03-12T23:13:08+00:00

Not at all, women will be very un-lazy when they are genuinely interested in the guy. It’s a rare occurrence for a lad like myself, but I have occasionally had women send long paragraphs and try very intensely to make a connection with me.

It’s proof that women don’t need to try in order to get attention. There are so many dudes on these apps.

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-03-13T18:05:19+00:00

All of the Match Group apps are lazy and uninspired.

If I was designing a dating app:

It would have strict filters for age, religion, race, has children, wants children, food preferences, alcohol preferences, smoking, and distance.
You would be able to answer each question for yourself, then set allowable answers, and only match with people who your answers to the prompts meet all of their allowable answers AND all of their answers to the prompts meet all of your allowable answers...with prompts to relax the filters if you end up with no matches.
You get 30 prospective matches a day, and you can only swipe right on 5. You can go through them in any order, but you can't get new ones until you clear old ones. So if you get 30, and you swipe left on 4, and 0 right, you'll get 4 new matches the next day and the 26 you haven't done anything on will remain.
Once you swipe right on someone, you jump to the head of their list to get on their top 30 prospective matches, but only 10 of the 30 displayed to someone will be people who've already liked them. You receive no information when somebody "likes" you, nor is them appearing in your next 30 matches a definitive indicator they've liked you...it just increases the odds you find each other.
Once you match with someone (both swipe right on each other), you will be matched for 48 hours during which time you can't unmatch. After 48 hours, either person can unmatch. Either person can message the other, or nobody can message, but you can't be unmatched within 48 hours unless there's a terms of service violation which is handled through the Report button.
If you actually go on a date with someone, both people can affirm the date occurred by clicking an "I went on a date with this person" button which the other person will then be asked to confirm. Then, both will get credit for having gone on a date.
Publish the following stats on every user profile: Swipe rate (right swipes / total prospective matches), Match message rate (total matches where the user sent at least 1 message regardless of who messaged first / total matches), date rate (total matches where both users affirmed a date / total matches). This weeds out people who swipe on everyone, people who never go on dates, and people who are unresponsive to matches.
Cap the number of maximum number of simultaneous matches at 5. If you want to match with someone new, you have to unmatch with someone else first. If you haven't waited the 48 hours to unmatch yet, you have to wait to unmatch.
Any profile that does not log in for 120 hours (5 days) is immediately made inactive and unmatched from everyone it's matched with, penalizing the user for non-messaging and non-dating if so. It will not receive new prospective matches, and no one will be able to match with it, even if it has previously liked profiles. It will be pulled from any other profile's prospective matches.

Pay structure would be a minimal monthly fee for the service. Say, $5-$10 a month. This slows down the rate of swiping, forces people to be intentional about responding, matching, and unmatching...but also forces people who get a lot of interest to swipe and engage in conversations.

Also, all profiles prevent submitting fields blank. You have to answer all the prompts with something.

throwaway164_3 · 2026-03-13T00:14:07+00:00

You are wrong

They haven’t been taught to act lazy

Instead, women are biologically hard-wired by evolution and sexual selection to do the choosing and filtering and not the chasing

Like in numerous other species, it’s the men who compete with other men for access to mates. They take the initiative and women are the ones who passively screen and reward the winners

It’s biology, not culture or socialization

NiaMiaBia · 2026-03-12T23:10:01+00:00

I think it proves that women are less interested, which should not be surprising. There was an uproar about Bumble’s messaging a couple years ago.

Also, do you have a source for “it’s just been revealed…”

ValeWho · 2026-03-12T23:26:38+00:00

So on the one hand you say that really attractive men get a lot of messages on the other you claim that women don't reach out to people? And you don't see a flaw in your logic?

Also just because women on bumble don't automatically have to chat with their matches does not necessarily mean they will have fewer matches. Hypothetically (I don't know if it's actually the case though) women might give out more likes to men compared to other dating apps, leading to more matches, because they can still filter them out later and just not message them

So you can't base your theory that women are lazy and not perusing men, based on how many messages the men are receiving. What would be much more telling of how outgoing women are is, how many men are they reaching out to.

Because if a woman gets 50 matches but wants to have deep and meaningful conversations and has a life outside of dating, she might only text 5 of them. Giving 45 men the impression that she is lazy, even if she is very invested in the conversation that she strted

Which does not necessarily mean your initial statement is wrong just that your evidence is flawed

No_Teacher_3313 · 2026-03-12T23:13:04+00:00

You are shown profiles from a stack one at a time. You can’t say “maybe” and you can’t come back later. I think that encourages people to swipe right even if they’re not super enthusiastic. But then you see people you like better and match with them. You can end up with a lot of matches but realistically you’re not going to be chatting with everyone. You also don’t know whether the person you’re swiping right on is actually available and active on the app.

I don’t think that it’s an issue of women not being willing to start a conversation, but of how the app is designed.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-03-12T23:10:07+00:00

So you’re mad that women reached out to men they find attractive instead of you?

If they’re reaching out to talk to men they DO find attractive, that’s not laziness, that’s pursuing exactly what they want.

Environmental_Day558 · 2026-03-13T00:01:59+00:00

I met my wife on bumble and didn't pay anything. I left tinder because I liked the concept of bumble better.

Now the number of matches on bumble was less. On bumble I had 8 total in like 2 weeks I was on there, and I'm only counting the ones that message because if they don't in 24 hours then the match goes away. On tinder I don't remember the exact number but it was over 100 total. Sometimes I'd get 8 in one round of swiping.

That said, the "engagement" was still higher from the bumble despite that. Not a drastic difference because they're are still a bunch of one word texters on there, but I was able to have better conversations. When a woman messages you first at least you know she's somewhat interested in you. I had a few women message me first on tinder but 9 times out of 10 you have to make the first move and she likely also has a bunch of dudes doing the same so at the end of the day the higher match number was meaningless.

Also by the way a lot of things have been getting revealed about bumbles stocks being at an all-time low

Btw this is mostly because they became publically traded right after covid (when the majority of people would have used their app) and they're not going to recover unless we have another pandemic. And I also heard that they are moving away from the women must text first rule, which doesn't make them stand out from any match group app anymore.

Throwawaypmme2 · 2026-03-13T02:33:19+00:00

I got messages on bumble with crappy photos. But my opinion is that women who want a healthy relationship are willing to put in the work for dating and be active in their life about it. When you see women who expect someone else to do the hard work, you cant be shocked when things dont work out in their favor. You need to treat dating like a job in a few ways. Maintain social connections, keep a routine and schedule, and do your part. If you "only" have time for online dating I'm sure it will eventually work out. The people I personally know who have gone the online dating route struggle to be together or go to social outings.

My thought process is that if someone doesn't have time to date in person, and can only date online how is that going to work when I'm dating them? How is there going to be any us time? Call it lazy or whatever you want. When I've asked the women they kind of expected me to do all of that work, and I had to explain they were adults and needed to plan for things too

kbkvvuknklnni8888 · 2026-03-12T23:36:04+00:00

Women have been taught to be lazy and entitled in pretty much everything. Selfishness, solipsism and contempt of men. Lots of women ignore that nonsense but it's still incredibly common.

Mud_Blossom · 2026-03-12T23:24:06+00:00

No, it doesn't. Trust me, women will initiate if they like you. Most people don't get fluttery eyes at an online profile, is my guess.

What you learn offline and in real spaces where women might pursue is that almost none of them have even a thimbleful of game, but they can get away with it unless they go full-on creepy in their behavior.

Online, though, I'd bet that you won't see the same behavior often, and it makes sense why not.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-03-12T23:57:24+00:00

Not lazy. Discriminating

Because men only will when they want to

yourfavoriteblackguy · 2026-03-12T23:28:14+00:00

I would argue that it's solely due to fear of rejection. Women have been proven to less risk prone. Asking someone out is extremely risky. You could call them cowards, but I feel like that's a label only for Men

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LawfulnessSuper5091 · 2026-03-13T00:39:28+00:00

It may be true that relying on women to make the move was tricky, though now they can reverse it with a question. I think overall that is correct, they like you to chase a bit at the start, though I also think if a woman is into you in most cases she'll make it clear with effort very quickly.

Two other aspects on Bumble that hinder connection:

Not seeing any likes without paying. At least you can go through your list one at a time on free Hinge.

Not seeing any likes that sit outside your search parameters. These can be quite specific on Bumble, height, kids, and crucially age, and while of course it's good to be able to look for what you want you might be missing someone just outside.

A "market" reason Bumble might have dropped off faster than Tinder - it's probably a more direct competitor to Hinge, and Hinge is generally more popular now. The emphasis on liking a particular prompt or sending a witty intro helps men target the women they want and women to vett the numbers a bit.

Foreign_Ad4782 · 2026-03-13T00:50:20+00:00

There should be a timer on all messages. 1 day for either one to respond via text or call as long as they're on the app.

ta06012022 · 2026-03-13T02:52:23+00:00

Sounds good on paper right? WRONG! If you looked at most of the complaints with the app it was mostly the same things men getting matches and the women not initiating any conversation.

But it's really no different than tinder.

Matching is just the first step. A match means "maybe I would consider you". On tinder if you message a woman you matched with and she never responds, that means she considered and the answer was no. On bumble if you match with a woman and she never messages, that means she considered and the answer was no. It's essentially the same thing.

The nice thing with bumble is a guy didn't have to waste time coming up with an opener. If she wanted to message she would and if not the match would just expire. In some ways it was more efficient.

love_in_october · 2026-03-13T08:09:43+00:00

Other than its one gimmick, I'm not really sure of the advantage Bumble has over other dating apps, so it may just be that if you weren't specifically interested in that gimmick you decided to go for another app that did essentially the same thing. That said, I do know quite a few who use or have used it.

Axis_Control · 2026-03-13T09:19:14+00:00

It's not that women have been taught to be lazy, women like to be persued by men which is probably biological.

Since most male mammals persue the females and not the other way around.

The issue with bumble is it's too slow as it shows only 1 profile at a time and makes it slow to swipe to next profile.

Other issue is it makes people have matches before they can interact which is not very organic and naturally women will only match with the more goodlooking men.

RIchardjCranium · 2026-03-13T16:26:44+00:00

Why work hard when you don’t have to? When your inbox is overflowing there’s no need to put any effort in. Plus that exposes the main issue with the dating apps is you can be pickier when your selection is wide. An average girl will get more messages in a day than the average guy will get in a lifetime.

matthedev · 2026-03-13T18:34:20+00:00

My experience with Bumble was a few women messaged first with something like "hey" (effectively the same thing as leaving it up to me to send the first substantial message, so no different than the other apps). One woman used an extend-her-time feature to give her another 24 hours to say "hey" but didn't get around to it before the match expired. The quality of the women seems higher than Tinder, but either way, it's pretty much just "swiping into the void."

socraticsnail · 2026-03-14T10:18:52+00:00

I’m an insane woman. When it was time for me to find my forever guy, I started making decision matrices. I also use a decision matrix for most important decisions; I blame the fact that I took game theory as my math credit in college.

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-03-15T06:07:10+00:00

Dating apps, by design, do not work for average men and they are not supposed to. Dating apps make money from users. They do not make a cent on people who meet someone and then get off the apps.

Stop using them. Genuinely.

Substantial-Fly4895 · 2026-03-15T06:14:24+00:00

Were they taught to? Or is it an evolutionary outgrowth of the fact that sperm is cheaper than eggs and so in the vast majority of sexed species men compete over women rather than the converse?

Lost_Heron830 · 2026-03-15T11:35:43+00:00

You know nothing. Women always initiate when a man is chad or handsome. Talking from real experience. You are just not the 1%. It is the ugly truth. But you need to accept that and move on. Even your wife will be attracted to this type of men, but if she is good, will stay loyal. It is a fact from thousands of years

SelectAd1485 · 2026-03-16T09:03:08+00:00

Interesting as I found my partner on Tinder myself 2 yrs ago. He started messaging with a question and it went from their. He had just joined and ive been on and off the app for a few yrs and have tried bumble but didn't like it either and is no wonder men are not using it this just sounds stupid and almost degrading to men. I've tried one called tagged and do not recommend as my young stupid ex found me their and met alot of idiots. But Bumble was strange and I got rid of it after been on a speed dating thing they tried and got humiliated on it as im older at 57 and not great at yakking to guys I don't know alot just cut me off in mid conversation. I've put up with alot of rude male behavior on dating apps in the last 10 yrs since leaving my older awful ex husband. I've been abused of been a scammer also and I'm lucky I found a decent man finally but it takes determination and been tough as I am. Alot of men and woman just don't know how to talk to people or give away to much on their profile and show way to much ....so if you want to be taken seriously don't. I never did just a few shots of me in my bra but not less than this and on Tinder I didn't as I learned not to be to obvious. We are a cute couple who don't live together and he is like the male weird version of me and we both have troubled pasts. Unfortunately scammers are now ruining dating apps and Un Newzealand where I'm from to many Indian and foreign men and not enough kiwi men so I was fortunate to find a guy from the same country. He's 48 and as tough as me and funny and alot of fun to be with as we don't live together. I'm no racist either as my ex husband of 30 hard yrs was Iranian. The problem is men from the middle east and India are not open minded enough and ive found go back towards their culture as they get older and it's not good. They are very controlling and conservative and boring and I'm a wild older hot kiwi girl who enjoys a smoke 🚬 and a few drinks 🍸 and they don't like this either .

Pitiful_Home5655 · 2026-03-17T18:45:36+00:00

I've genuinely had to tell acquaintances/colleagues that they have to message first on multiple occasions. Like they actually can't comprehend it and get upset that the guys they're matching with aren't messaging them.

AngeAware · 2026-03-13T00:02:16+00:00

Bumble was always weird to me because the "send the first message" gimmick doesn't address any of the major concerns I've actually heard from women about dating apps. I don't think it proves that women are lazy so much as the app is a solution to a quite frankly delusional understanding of a problem.

To be clear, it's like Tinder in that you both have to swipe right to be matched, correct? So what does the man not being able to message first accomplish exactly? If you swipe right on a dude by accident and he messages you, there's already a solution on the other apps: unmatch him.

On top of that, iirc Bumble makes you respond to the match within 24 hours or it gets dropped and you have to pay to restore it. So my understanding is that if a woman has a fucking life and don't open the app for a day or two you might miss the chance to talk to your match. You don't have that issue on other apps.

ThatBitchA · 2026-03-13T00:35:24+00:00

So what does that make men who don't want to plan first dates?

Honestly, I think people swipe and then never follow up. 🤷

Most people I know using apps are constantly deleting and re-downloading.

Title	Bumble is proof that women have to been taught to be very lazy when it comes to courtship
Author	Chemical-Low209
Upvotes	155
Comments	174
Date	March 12, 2026 11:04 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rs6cpo/bumble_is_proof_that_women_have_to_been_taught_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/bumble-is-proof-that-women-have-to-been-taught-to.1575362 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575362

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