Why do women care about men slut-shaming them?

oppositegeneva · 2026-04-10T18:15:55+00:00

Most people are insulted when you insult them

fiftypoundpuppy · 2026-04-10T17:46:56+00:00

You can engage in a discussion or debate without personally caring about what the person you're talking to actually does. The idea that talking about anything at all must always convey personal investment is false. If someone says one brand of vaccuum is better than another, me disagreeing with them doesn't mean I'm personally invested in what they choose to own.

I don't care what these dudes think of me, but I will argue against nonsense logic - like the idea that "we praise men cause hard, we shame women cause easy, duh." This logic of shaming people for something being "easier" for them through no fault of their own doesn't translate to any other circumstances. Their attempts to rationalize their preferences are obviously ad hoc. It's an ick, and most of them try to gaslight you about it.

There's also other false claims they like to parrot, like the idea of all these "HVM" always pursuing low-n women for commitment (gestures broadly to everything); the idea of women getting "sTuCk On ThEiR hIgHeSt SeTtInG" (gestures specifically to Ariana Grande, Gisele Bundchen and Selena Gomez); and the notion that there's all these "ran through" women chasing and pairing up with inexperienced men to a statistically significant degree. Most people mate assortatively, and the median partner count for men is higher than for women. If there's any discrepancy, it's more likely to be with the reverse gender scenario.

All in all this engagement doesn't mean anything more than the fact I like to argue with people I think are wrong. None of it means I actually take anything these men say personally. I just think they're wrong about a lot of things they say

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-04-10T20:30:54+00:00

I was called a slut when I was still a virgin because I liked talking about the subject and was a natural flirt. Women are valued for this imaginary virginity thing. Controlled by it. There are still places where they perform purity tests before marriage. It’s just a “rage against the machine” mentality for me. Fight the “patriarchy”

Tylikcat · 2026-04-10T18:08:16+00:00

As someone who has had a lot of partners* I largely haven't been slut shamed about it, certainly not by partners, people who aspired to be partners, generally socially, etc. (Probably some by randos on the internet, but far more have tried to tell me that my destiny is to settle in the house and kitchen and breed smart children.)

A lot of this is community. I grew up in Seattle, got pretty deep into some of the music scenes, and the SFF crowd and suchlike. Oh, and came out as queer in the eighties (I'm 53 now). So, not crowds where having sex was stigmatized (mind you, had they been I'd have dropped the crowd rather than the sex) plus we just plain had a lot more sex in the eighties and nineties.

For people who grew up in more conservative contexts, slut shaming can be toxic as fuck. And it's not just from the guy - it's from the guy, and then it's from half of the folks at your school. And then it gets around to your church. And your mother. The social pressure can be intense. Meanwhile, the guys who are having sex are largely lauded for it, or at least suffer no adverse consequences.

So yeah, it's easy for someone like me to see slut shaming as evidence of both immaturity and insecurity, and both turned towards being an asshole. The best thing to do is drop them, and, optionally, mock them. But that's not all women.

And even those of us from contexts where having sex wasn't stigmatized are often aware of the history - that this was something used to degrade and control women. (Hell, when I was a kid, it was pretty common that if a woman got pregnant in highschool she wouldn't be allowed to graduate, even if she had the classes and grades to. Not in the more liberal areas, of course.)

*Though it gets complicated, as somewhere along the line I realized I only counted piv sex for men, but counted all kinds of things for women

love_in_october · 2026-04-10T18:52:02+00:00

Why does anyone care about being insulted, rejected and bullied? It feels bad obviously.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2026-04-10T17:46:50+00:00

We could ask why men care about being called ”insert any random insult”. 🤷‍♀️

People who are confident in themselves don’t care what others think.

Expensive_Lion1807 · 2026-04-10T20:05:22+00:00

Why do men care about “the bear”?

Why do men get so mad when women call them incels?

AmandaPea · 2026-04-10T20:53:07+00:00

Slut-shaming is an informal method of social control rooted in pre-enlightenment, patriarchal religious sentiment. It's unevolved behaviour that signals insecurity and impaired cognitive ability.

It was once very popular to shame masturbation as dirty sinful behaviour that led to negative physical/psychological outcomes. See: The Kelloggs cereal origin story.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2026-04-10T22:11:34+00:00

I never cared. It was pretty obvious that the men doing it were jealous because those women were having the casual sex they wanted and couldn't get, and the women that did it felt threatened in a space they were not confident competing in.

Other people's insecurities never did and never will affect the choices I make for myself.

Fondacey · 2026-04-10T19:29:06+00:00

Why do people care about being treated like worthless garbage that can be used and discarded? You really don’t understand why?

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2026-04-10T20:52:38+00:00

Well, the last person who slut shamed me was my ex husband as he had his hands around my throat, so yeah, I'm a bit sensitive about slut shaming these days.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2026-04-10T18:45:01+00:00

i think it’s worth noting that kids start picking up on slut shaming and the sexual double standard at very young ages, my niece for example was about 7 or 8 when she asked me why the boys at school called Taylor Swift (her fav) mean names bc she had a lot of ex boyfriends, along the lines of “why can boys have lots of girlfriends but girls can’t have lots of boyfriends?” and that’s probably not the first time she has been exposed to those kinds of messages it’s just the first one i’ve been made aware of her hearing. i can remember being about that age when i first heard messages around how girls are sluts if they ask out boys and that’s why boys are the ones who are supposed to pursue them, also around the time my fkd up sunday school started breaking out the chewed bubblegum and used tape metaphors.

a lot of women care bc they were raised in an environment that tied their self worth to their sexual expression, and bc they still live in that environment/society. same reason a lot of men care about the flip side of the sexual double standard, virgin-shaming. we’re swimming in a lot of awful messages and kids pick up on them consciously or subconsciously far younger than most ppl would guess

i’m 100% in favor of people detoxing from that and divorcing their self worth from their sexuality to the point where those messages don’t impact them, but that’s easier said than done. i’m a liberal feminist gender studies lesbian and even i still get caught up with intrusive shaming thoughts around sexual expression just from my catholic upbringing let alone all the non-religious messages i’ve picked up on, i imagine it’s 100x harder for people who don’t even have the foundation to recognize what shame is let alone how it’s impacting their self esteem let alone why

Mindful_Insights · 2026-04-10T19:54:44+00:00

I don’t care what random men think, don’t do hookups or advertise my sexuality; and believe it or not, not all men want casual sex even if it’s easy.

ThatBitchA · 2026-04-10T19:57:14+00:00

Do women care?

I don't know any women who are about the men who slut shame them.

-mixedsignals · 2026-04-10T20:18:21+00:00

you mean why would a woman care if someone calls her a slut? Isn't it obvious?

slut shaming is rooted in purity and patriarcal culture, so even though it's not an insult directed at me personally, I'm against men shaming women for having sex.

It's like when men here defend abusers only it makes more sense to be against slut shaming obviously

purplejellyotter · 2026-04-10T20:45:17+00:00

Why do men care about being height shamed, penis size shamed, virgin shamed, insert other insult here. Men dont like to be insulted, surprise surprise, neither do women.

IcyTrapezium · 2026-04-10T20:19:26+00:00

I don’t care about its impact on my life. I’ve never been slut shamed by a man I’ve dated or would ever consider dating.

I care about its impact on men’s and women’s mental health. Shame is a destructive emotion that doesn’t promote healthy behaviors. It’s a landfill emotion.

ETA: women slut-shame too. I also am not friends with such women, but I worry about the effect their behavior has on our society as a whole and impressionable young girls and boys with low self-esteem.

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Sadsad0088 · 2026-04-11T22:59:29+00:00

Because shame is something no one can make you feel except yourself, so they feel ashamed for something they did and don’t like when people make them notice. They do not want to accept that some men might not like them.

Women who don’t care don’t feel shame.

Theawkwardmochi · 2026-04-12T00:00:31+00:00

I've been slut shamed once.

Dude wanted super casual and had plans to do the deed on the first date.

I told the dude to hold his horses as I don't sleep with anyone unless we disclose full serological status to each other.

He responded saying I must be sleeping with a lot of people then, and he's afraid he'll catch something. Because I literally told him seconds before that I will get tested and show him the results and expect the same in return.

Of course I care about this one. It's comedy gold. I told all my friends about it and they laughed their asses off. Half of them didn't believe it's a real story and not something I made up, which I take as a compliment proving my deep hidden belief that I'd totally make it as a snarky stand up comedian.

Other than that, whatever. Slut shamers are either free entertainment or irrelevant.

RelativeCondition915 · 2026-04-10T23:55:55+00:00

Nothing to see here. I wiped this post using Redact because my old takes don't need to live on the internet forever. Works across Reddit, Twitter, Discord and dozens of other platforms.

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Title	Why do women care about men slut-shaming them?
Author	winter_lover28
Upvotes	45
Comments	215
Date	April 10, 2026 5:32 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1shtbya/why_do_women_care_about_men_slutshaming_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-care-about-men-slut-shaming-them.1577634 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577634

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