Kinky sex is not "treating a man better"

Logos1789 · 2026-05-23T16:56:24+00:00

For any given woman, sure, her lack of having kinky sex with a man who desires it, is not withholding better treatment as long as she never has kinky sex or if she’s never enjoyed it.

But if a woman has kinky sex, enjoys it, and her current partner wants it, and she never has it with him, that’s suboptimal treatment and the men she had kinky sex with received better treatment.

At the end of the day, for most women, sucking cock, getting spanked, getting choked, being extra submissive, etc. is not inherently pleasurable - it’s pleasurable in the context of having sex with a worthy man…which renders kinky sex an incentive for men to become worthy in the eyes of those women.

That’s not messed up, that’s human sexuality - wanting to gain the affection of others.

DatingVX · 2026-05-23T17:38:49+00:00

I mean, it's now law, but its more true than not.

If a woman is willing to do any nasty thing/fantasy she has in mind with me, I can assure you she is incredibly attracted to me. That doesnt neccesarily equate to being ''treated better'' but it generally is. Since a woman that is that open and attracted to you will most likely in general try to please you more, be more patient with you, cook for you, name it.

Guy B might come around and she is quite reserved with him but still decided to date him, this could have many factors, his vibe doesn't scream as sexual, different time in her life name it, but in general I'd say this does indicate more often then not that she is less attracted to him/less inspired by him/less obsessed with him/less open with him than guy A

pie-mart · 2026-05-23T13:15:04+00:00

All these men are just proving that to them, its not about the sex act or pleasure they get.

Its about the knowledge of a woman breaking her own boundaries for him that turns him on so much

Its rhe knowledge "she hates this but is doing it for me, so I feel good about this"

And it makes you realize that all these dudes in these comments claim to be the nice guys women over look and then openly profess that their idea of love is their woman going through pain or discomfort and doing sexual act she doesn't enjoy for his enjoyment

Then when she has sex and has to do those sex acts, she then begins to dislike sex altogether and then these dudes would complain about a dead bedroom then

And then if she left him for someone she was sexually compatible with, he'd say she left the "nice guy" for the "chad"

Waxico · 2026-05-23T11:52:53+00:00

Do you even read your oppositions points? It’s never been about the kink acts themselves (maybe there are a few people that argued this, but most people I’ve seen talk about this aren’t)

Let’s use a really simple example: new relationship, boyfriend asks for a blowjob, girlfriend acts shy about it and says she doesn’t give blowjobs or do other lewd stuff early in a relationship. Boyfriend finds out she used to suck off guys she just met at parties.

Clearly there is something going on to cause her difference in behavior. The RP simply believes it’s because the guys she was willing to blow were more attractive than the boyfriend and that if the boyfriend was as attractive he would get any service he requested.

Now we can argue if this is true or not, but at least present the point properly so people can engage with it and not some straw-man.

bluestjuice · 2026-05-23T12:53:42+00:00

Look, you're right because "better" is a subjective assessment. But fundamentally this is a semantic argument and the men who make this argument won't care because they want whatever they mean by kinky sex, and are using 'better' according to their subjective opinions.

I don't really know why people who want a certain kind of sex or lifestyle or mutually satisfying activity don't seek out partners who are compatible with that, but I'm going to guess it has to do with everyone's inability to talk candidly about sex. Thanks, Puritans.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-05-23T18:53:13+00:00

if I've ever done anything kinky its because a man pressed for it, if you ain't pressin', you aint gettin'

Emotional_Meal748 · 2026-05-23T18:21:00+00:00

The level of kink indicates the level of enthusiasm. Therefore it does

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-05-23T11:42:35+00:00

It likely depends on a lot of factors like how comfortable they feel with that guy, how well they know him, sort of vibe he has.

There ya go, you said it. This negates the title as well as the last paragraph and tells the dude exactly how she feels about him. Then you can take that info and compare it to:

How comfortable she felt with her ex

How well she knew her ex

The sort of vibe she had with her ex

And learn what she thinks of you based on that.

anonymousppd123123 · 2026-05-23T11:51:17+00:00

It likely depends on a lot of factors like how comfortable they feel with that guy how well they know him, sort of vibe he has.

And how attracted they are

Also it implies that for men it's some sort of game or quest to get women to do kinky sex acts just for their ego.

No its really as basic as we just enjoy it. Its easy for me to not think about other women when sex with just the one has lots of spice and variety.

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2026-05-23T11:56:26+00:00

I really try to give the RP the benefit but holy shit if there are RPs who think this they are not living down the incel shit.

Here is the way to get kinky sex: find sexually open people who are emotionally capable of having frank open discussions on sex.

THE EXACT TYPE OF PERSON THE RP HATES.

You are all so fucking miserable because you think the only good sex happens with other people (seriously women have been learning to be their first and best lover since the 60s) and all your fucking body count bullshit. Guess who has the "kinkiest" sex? Its people who enjoy sex not the people who think sex is a power game.

ohnomaincharacter · 2026-05-23T12:03:02+00:00

It is common knowledge for men that this is perfect indicator of how she treats you.

IgorXY · 2026-05-23T11:58:01+00:00

Objectively certain sex acts aren't better.

Certain acts require more effort and involvment. Certain acts focus on one partner's pleasure. Certain acts, such as "duty sex" are objectively worse.

It likely depends on a lot of factors like how comfortable they feel with that guy, how well they know him, sort of vibe he has.

Also depends on how much you want to please your partner.

Also it implies that for men it's some sort of game or quest to get women to do kinky sex acts just for their ego.

Call it how you want, it won't change how some men feel about it. What's with obsession to shame men's feelings? You only care about your own comfort. No one forces you to do any sex acts, if your partner asks you this and you refuse and he leaves, it's his right.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-05-23T13:43:35+00:00

I don't think it's worth arguing with these people. You're not dealing with reasonable people. You're dealing with people with an anxiety demon run rampant.

The solution is not to convince them they're being crazy. Some part of them already knows that. You have to figure out what is fueling this crazy, which from what I can gather is a wounded ego of not feeling like an average man.

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Axis_Control · 2026-05-23T11:38:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Square_2_God · 2026-05-28T12:56:11+00:00

Reasoning is not what’s going to solve this problem because males and females are inherently different both mentally and functionally.. that’s without even mentioning the lived experience. That difference creates an unrecognizable structure for the opposite sex in most perspectives involving ego and/or insecurity.

For example, the average man doesn’t have a problem viewing sex through the terms of validation, performance or novelty. Until they mature the thought of genuine intimacy, safety and connection isn’t really even on their radar as an expectation. So for the undeveloped ego what you’re saying looks a lot like “I had a higher capacity for erotic prioritization for other men.”

Which becomes the core issue. Theres a difference between a discussion about your preferences and a discussion about your past. While both may have similar or the same subject matter, one is a discussion and the other is in fact a game or a quest because comparison has now entered the chath. The social construct itself behind a relationship is you winning someone’s affection, which is traditionally a male “sport” if you will.

The lines tend to blur the lower you fly on the maturity scale.

I think the term “treating a man better” by definition is solely in the hands of the person the man is dealing with.. ball is just in the guys court after that

wtknight · 2026-05-23T15:18:08+00:00

Women's bodies and sex acts shouldn't be seen as a quest to conqure.

That is not how many men see it. They see kinky sex as having a more enjoyable time with that woman. So if one man was able to have a more enjoyable time with a woman than they were, then men see that man as having been treated better. Men see sex as a fun activity like any other activity that a man and woman might do on a date, and I do not think that is an unfair way of looking at sex.

OffTheRedSand · 2026-05-23T11:48:28+00:00

males only care about sex and one upping one another so yes they only want kinky sex and even better, kinkier sex than the guys before.

Jip_Jaap_Stam · 2026-05-23T12:49:25+00:00

If it's what the current man wants, and the woman is unwilling to do it but was willing with previous men, she is by definition treating him worse. Of course, if she doesn't want to do it, he shouldn't try to coerce her, because that's abusive. He should just accept she's settled for him and dump her. He'll be doing them both a favour.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-05-23T16:50:48+00:00

Of course it is, if the purpose of an interaction is sexual use of an object

And for many men, that’s what interacting with women is

huss1992c · 2026-05-23T12:13:09+00:00

Could you define kinky sex? Most men just don't want to see a dead fish.

The_Laniakean · 2026-05-23T12:02:40+00:00

No way yall red pill tags really think like this (talking to the red pillers in the comments)

theminxisback · 2026-05-24T00:49:39+00:00

Reading this made me realize I don't remember the last time I didn't have kinky sex... Like, pretty much all of the sex I have these days is kinky in some way 😏 this has really got me thinking and wondering.

Do people not engage in healthy bdsm?

JustChillin3342 · 2026-05-23T13:21:40+00:00

If a man gives his ex access to his finances(money, credit cards, bank accounts a combination of those or one of those options), but not his current partner. What would/should the current partner feel?

bobbyg06 · 2026-05-23T13:24:29+00:00

it all just alpha fux and beta bux at the end of the day...

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2026-05-23T15:17:46+00:00

The idea of someone having kinkier sex with my wife is mind-boggling by itself. I'll say it again, I thank God everyday for marrying a chaste woman

KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2026-05-23T12:39:22+00:00

It's highly unlikely that you will find someone with mutual attraction, shared goals, good chemistry, capable of upkeeping a healthy dynamic, good financial literacy, preferable background...and also into the exact same kinks that you are. That's a unicorn right there, and almost no relationship in the real world fits all those things, some of them are going to have to give and fetishes are at the bottom of the totem pole.

Example: foot fetish. One of the most common feitishes among men and one of the rarest among women. Same with femdom. Most women in relationships who perform these fetishes don't do it to derive pleasure from the act itself, they do it for their partners. In a healthy relationship where the two partners actually love each other, things like this should be negotiable (within reason). Likewise, guys should do things for the pleasure of their girlfriends.

And this is why kink stuff is looked at that way. If you are genuinely in love with your partner then you want to indulge them and let them live out their sexual fantasies (within reason).

Edit:

Clarification on what "within reason" doesn't mean:

Things that cause bodily harm, physical discomfort or pain
Things that categorically fall outside of the boundries of the relationship ( ex. cheating, threesomes, exhibitionism, swinging, etc. while being with a person who signed up for monogamy)
Things that cause mental or physical health issues

throwaway73737828 · 2026-05-23T11:53:06+00:00

No we need the conquer mindset to grow the civilization. Mating more equals better society thus mens mindset is good for society overall

DiligentRope · 2026-05-23T11:49:13+00:00

Its not about the sex act itself being better, its not even really about sex.

Its the idea of whether the other person likes you enough to make sacrifices, get out of their comfort zone, or even do something they don't like doing.

Sex acts are just one of those relatable aspects.

she did anal before with an ex/casual partner, but she refuses to do it with you (the LTR), even just one time for you
he refuses to go to your family dinner and meet your parents

DietTyrone · 2026-05-23T14:14:28+00:00

Very few arguments that make any sense and be acceptable for why a woman would want to have kinky sex with some other men but not her husband.

She tried it once and didn't like it. Fair.
It was something she thought I wouldn't like such as a MMF threesome or pegging. Okay, but the discussion should still be had so it's clear she was open to anything but I was the one who didn't want to proceed with it.
She felt more comfortable doing it with the other guy. Depending on how long we've been together, this could either be understandable or a kick in the balls.

Outside of these 3 scenario, I'd probably just prefer she date someone else. I'm not a psychiatrist and have zero desires trying to unravel why the woman I'm committing to preferred having kinky sex with men who weren't me. She and a professional can go figure that out on their own, but it's no longer my problem.

bobbyg06 · 2026-05-23T12:53:18+00:00

men instinctively know that if she wont do things for you that she did for other men, she doesnt think much of you as a man...

Title	Kinky sex is not "treating a man better"
Author	Axis_Control
Upvotes	3
Comments	380
Date	May 23, 2026 11:32 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tldzus/kinky_sex_is_not_treating_a_man_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/kinky-sex-is-not-treating-a-man-better.1581025 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581025

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