Is an average woman dating an average man considered "settling?"

DietTyrone · 2026-06-06T15:08:51+00:00

Depends on her dating history. If a woman has a history of Chad chasing then as she got older shifted to dating more average dudes, that could definitely be a sign that she lowered her standards and is entering "settling" mode. I wouldn't think that of a woman whose always mostly dated average Joes even in her prime.

AlarmingToe8503 · 2026-06-06T07:24:07+00:00

I had a whole elaborate thing typed out, but honestly dude, men want women to want them. That it. That's all there is to it. Until the day the average woman is somehow maniacally ravenous for the average men the way men are for women, there's going to be a lot of unhappy men on earth.

Automatic_Safety7029 · 2026-06-06T13:51:19+00:00

Honestly for the first question I think women are almost always settling. I have not met a woman that didn’t have the “top guy” (by whatever metric he did to be that top guy cuz it varies) use her for everything and dump her and she forever thinks and feels and navigates relationships based on that one guy. So yeah, mostly settling. If she’s happy with him and enjoys sex with him I guess it depends on that man. I know I would be happy with that but if I knew that wasn’t the peak of her treatment I know for a fact I could never let that go.

I think everyone wants special treatment. I think everyone should strive to give special treatment to their partners and expect their partners to do the same regardless of any variable. Because why be with someone you can’t give 1000% to? Are you a placeholder and that’s it? Are they only a placeholder for you? Be better and ask for better.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-06-06T08:34:37+00:00

I think the difference here is it isn’t settling but she would consider it settling.
The reality is that average people should expect to be averagely attracted to their partner otherwise you are expecting better treatment than their worth.

MarioWilson122 · 2026-06-06T19:13:15+00:00

Question 1: If women allegedly always want "more" than what they are, would an average woman dating someone "in her league" always mean that she's settling?

Yeah, she absolutely can be settling if her standards are unrealistic relative to what she can actually attract and keep long term.

That's the part I think gets lost in these discussions. Just because someone wants more doesn't mean they're going to get more. Everyone has preferences that exceed what they can realistically obtain.

The bigger issue is that attraction and expectations don't always line up. An average woman may genuinely want a man who is above average in multiple areas, but if those men aren't choosing her for commitment, then eventually she either stays single or adjusts her expectations.

That doesn't mean every average woman dating an average man is settling. It means some are, some aren't, and it depends entirely on whether their expectations are realistic in the first place. If someone believes they deserve far more than they can consistently attract, then yes, dating within their actual range is likely going to feel like settling to them.

Question 2: Is that somehow inadequate treatment for the man? Or is an average man getting average treatment from an average woman okay?

No, I don't think that's automatically inadequate treatment.

The problem is that some people seem to assume that if a woman was more excited about one man in the past, then every future relationship is automatically inferior unless she shows that exact same level of enthusiasm. Real life doesn't really work that way.

At the same time, there is a difference between "average attraction" and feeling like you're being settled for. Most men don't expect a woman to treat them like the most attractive man she's ever seen. What they don't want is to feel like they're simply the safe option she chose after failing to get the man she actually wanted.

An average man getting average treatment from an average woman is perfectly fine if there's genuine attraction, respect, and desire there. The issue starts when one person feels they're getting the practical benefits of a relationship while the other person's real enthusiasm was reserved for someone else.

So no, I don't think the standard should be "she must treat me exactly like the hottest guy she ever dated." I think the standard is that she should actually want the relationship she's in rather than viewing it as a consolation prize because her preferred option wasn't available.

Outsider98 · 2026-06-06T08:59:00+00:00

The desire gap is what it is.

In an ideal world, despite this, men are able to be satisfied enough with women’s lower libido and responsive desire, so long as the relationship still feels egalitarian in effort.

In reality, the traditional expectation is still that the man leads and initiates interactions, asking for dates, always having to choose where to go out, providing through covering for the bill, initiating sex, and many men anecdotally report women being starfishes in bed who still express very little return effort after he helps her orgasm first and does 90% of the work on-top and is expected to be on top 90% of the time. I do wonder how much of the orgasm gap is driven by this and women not communicating their desires (because they often don’t actually have any) and are satisfied with a romantic connection and seeing sex as “the prize”/reward for their partner’s efforts. It seems as if 90% of men in “happy” relationships on Reddit report this to be their common experiences.

Research indicates that neurodivergent and Bisexual women have actual brain differences (and Bi women the highest libido across all ages), and this results in them being far more likely to have more diverse triggers of activation for their responsive desire, including fetishes and feminine traits in men, and these women are vastly over-represented on Reddit and also here. I’ve had to explain to at least three such women, where people are more self-aware of their dating habits on-average, that their moderate attraction to average men and empathy for average men’s life experiences in general, are the exception that proves the rule.

In my experiences most heterosexual neurotypical women have low attraction to average men that spikes once he earns her love by proving he can be a traditionally masculine Provider, Protector and Parent, and tends to rapidly drop-off after securing commitment.

Jip_Jaap_Stam · 2026-06-06T11:45:08+00:00

It depends how she feels about it. Does she accept she's only average? If not, she's settling. If she accept it, does she still think she's somehow entitled to better? If so, she's settling.

Hot_Lack_4868 · 2026-06-06T07:22:45+00:00

So, if women allegedly always want "more" than what they, would an average woman dating someone "in her league" always mean that she's settling?

What do you think? Don't a lot of women on this sub and white knights constantly complain about how relationships and marriage benefit average men more, while women supposedly don't get much out of them? They're the ones who imply that average women settle because there supposedly aren't enough 'good men' out there, and they no matter who they date, the outcome is mostly going to be bad for them (unless the guy is attractive). According to them, it has nothing to do with women's choices in men and everything to do with men being bad as a group.

jazzmaster1992 · 2026-06-06T09:44:33+00:00

Note: I already know a common reply will be, "She has to treat me as well as she has treated that one top guy. She let him do everything! He could treat her however he wanted! So, the only issue is if I get less."

But sir, you're not that top guy, and if you were, you probably wouldn't be invested in that average woman either (according to the RP logic).

Shit like this is why people say you're not supposed to ask about people's relationship history when you're on dates. It's the kind of stuff that needs to be left in the past and someone you're sitting down with and getting to know has no business hearing about. But social media has tone a terrific job of opening that Pandora's Box, and now more and more people get to hear about how someone in the past had flings with people way more exciting and attractive than they'll ever be. Couple this with people openly admitting that they change how they treat someone they're dating based on how attractive they are, and it's no wonder people are jaded.

I don't think the "top guy" treatment is about wanting to be seen as Chad every time, though it can be. It's more that someone wants a consistent indicator that a person is interested in them at a level that could sustain a relationship. And if you're finding that it's difficult to get someone that interested in you, the goal might be to improve enough that it makes people more interested more consistently. Just like you would tell someone who can't get a car loan to fix their credit situation before applying again instead of taking the 25% interest loan for 7 years, or someone who can't get a job to work on their resume or interview skills.

What I find curious is that for all its faults, the Red Pill I've seen actually encourages men to be more attractive as a necessity for realtionship satisfaction, instead of accepting that women just think they're ugly and boring and shouldn't expect to be seen as more than a second-rate beta she settled for. You would think wanting to elevate yourself to make yourself and your partner(s) happy would be a decent goal or something.

matthedev · 2026-06-06T20:30:40+00:00

Anecdotal, but I've overheard women I at least find well below average in attractiveness talk about all the matches they're getting on online dating apps and trying to figure out the men's true "intentions," and a lot of them seem to develop an attitude that they're quite a bit more attractive (or "a catch" in general) than they might actually be.

Online dating apps and social media have absolutely blown up the amount of male attention even fairly average women get in recent years, and I do think, for some of these women, it's gone to their heads, and they're not realizing some of these men are swiping without even looking or will sleep with just about any woman but not commit to a relationship with her. Imagine a woman with face tattoos and laundry list of psychiatric diagnoses believing she's too good for "fish guy."

just_a_place · 2026-06-06T07:33:54+00:00

So, if women allegedly always want "more" than what they, would an average woman dating someone "in her league" always mean that she's settling?

Yes.

fucksiclepizza · 2026-06-06T08:15:48+00:00

If shes not attracted to him then yes.

OffTheRedSand · 2026-06-06T07:20:10+00:00

I've heard (mostly RP) men say that if a woman is treated badly when dating (used, ghosted, played, etc), it's because they're sleeping with men who are out of their league.

false. all men can treat women badly, it has nothing to do with leagues. same way any woman can treat a man badly, she just can there is no "leagues" or reasons for her to do it.

However, I've also heard men say that women are hypergamous by nature and thus, always want a man out of their league.

everyone want someone out of their league. i don't see bald guys wanting bald women or hairy guys wanting hairy women. their "equals" always include things that make their partner attractive to them.

But sir, you're not that top guy, and if you were, you probably wouldn't be invested in that average woman either

correct.

here's the thing. both genders settle, they settle for each other. average men aren't treating average women like stacy but somehow expect to be treated like chad, which is why a lot of average men are struggling.

relationships are about compramise FROM BOTH SIDES, it doesn't work if only one side do it (women) yet males ask women to only compramise themselves because he has to settle for her instead of stacy.

it's a very weird warped kind of thinking that a minority of males have (ppd and redditor males) and that's why they struggle in dating. they don't understand relationships or dating.

Logical_Breadfruit49 · 2026-06-06T08:08:12+00:00

So, if women allegedly always want "more" than what they are, would an average woman dating someone "in her league" always mean that she's settling?

Yes, everyone settles. I want a harem of 1000 supermodels that are loyal to me. I can't have that. I have to settle.

Is that somehow inadequate treatment for the man? Or is an average man getting average treatment from an average woman okay?

Depends. Would the "average" gf be ok with the man simping over hot OF models, but not simping over his current "average" gf? In other words, would the "average" gf be ok with her man giving other women who mog her much better treatment than her?

growframe · 2026-06-06T11:32:01+00:00

So, if women allegedly always want "more" than what they are,

That's a false premise

Is that somehow inadequate treatment for the man? Or is an average man getting average treatment from an average woman okay?

Depends on what the man is looking for

VasiliyZaitzev · 2026-06-07T15:22:51+00:00

Everyone "settles" when they enter an exclusive LTR or Marriage because they are foregoing every other opportunity they have or might have. Women have to balance "I want the best man I can get" with "I wan the best man I can keep."

Hypergamy is a cruel mistress.

egalitariandystopia · 2026-06-06T07:02:20+00:00

Women want more than other women have, so yes.

Emotional_Meal748 · 2026-06-06T14:21:45+00:00

Q1: in her delusional mind, she’s settling. Realistically, he’s more than she deserves

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RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2026-06-06T21:46:55+00:00

Question 1 is NO.

Question 2 is unclear first part. Second part: NO.

Average treatment towards men today is piss poor. It's not acceptable. Go ahead and do it, expect nothing in return. Question 1 is a fairy tale and when it happens its confirmation of another good women taken, did the right thing. It happens rarely, and when it does, its remembered, recited, noticed, amplified. It doesn't happen as often as its broadcasted.

Hidden Question 3: What do I need to do to attract an average man, have a normal life? : Ensure you met requirement one of that, lose weight / be skinny. Ignore it and just jump through hoops. Being skinny is the first step to maxing out value for women. Most women, do not meet the requirement. I mean walk outside in any state and you can count heads and get yourself an easy 80% don't meet it, unless your in nitch areas, rare areas where they do work out or care about themselves.

I highly recommend in this current world, state, that if the women is in her 20s , work out. It doesn't even have to do with personality! Its also, your number 1 whether you like it or not. There's competition out there for all men to pick from and not gonna say what. Your feeling it, and it's here.

Dramatic_Gopher42069 · 2026-06-11T03:46:40+00:00

No, and all your alleged 'contradictions' have to be framed with the context: "and we're talking about a human woman... so I know it's not going to make sense... and yet, knowing that means you are that closer to making sense of it."

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2026-06-06T07:48:04+00:00

So, if women allegedly always want "more" than what they, would an average woman dating someone "in her league" always mean that she's settling?

We observe who you want to have sex with on Tinder, estimate how far that is from a guy who’s similar to you, and assume you’re settling. The least attractive women tend to be the worst about this. Fat guys notice that fat women aren’t as excited about them as other guys. Very attractive women might be more likely to sleep with and want relationships with the same very attractive guys.

I've also heard some men say they want a woman who is ravenously "primal" for them, who is willing to do it all and wants their dick all of the time

I assume it shouldn’t take more than about 6 hours for me to sleep with someone that wants me and that there will be a honeymoon period

Is that somehow inadequate treatment for the man? Or is an average man getting average treatment from an average woman okay?

Socially, maybe. If it’s a woman on Tinder, I’d kind of still expect some rather quick sex. Because it feels like nearly no particular background of woman is slow about sex

I already know a common reply will be, "She has to treat me as well as she has treated that one top guy. She let him do everything! He could treat her however he wanted! So, the only issue is if I get less." But sir, you're not that top guy, and if you were, you probably wouldn't be invested in that average woman either (according to the RP logic). So, what do the average people do?

My recommendation is to either date a woman who clearly wants to have sex with him, or barring that, maybe prefer a more “low N” approach of dating women socially. Women on Tinder are generally “high N” types, even though that’s one of the most popular apps, and this has environmental effects

EugeneCezanne · 2026-06-06T13:05:38+00:00

Probably should be a question for red pill, not men. Because what im going to say is:

1) Everyone settles to some extent, and that's fine, normal, human. It is even beautiful, that we can love and desire each other despite our flaws. Even the hottest guys getting the hottest girls and thinking they both hit the jackpot soon come face to face with the reality that no one is perfect, that there are things they need to work on and things they need to work with. 2) Everyone wants the best, on paper or in theory. That's why we grew up with posters of actors, models and pop stars on our walls. But life isnt lived on paper or in theory. 3) The thing missing from hypergamy theory, but ubiquitous in actual social dynamics, is, of course, feeling. No matter what we rationally desire, feelings come along with no regard for rationality, kick us straight in our brain chemistry, rewire our neural connections, and have us daydreaming about valiantly dying for the girl or boy next door.

Adam_Faith_No_More · 2026-06-06T13:01:14+00:00

Firstly, it's across or above - not just above.

Secondly, it's about perception, and not necessarily reality.

Thirdly, social media and online dating artificially inflate women's egos, and artificially deflate men's egos.

So what do average guys do? They date average women who aren't on Tinder, who don't post thirst traps on social media, and who therefore don't have a skewed emotional perception of what "across" means.

Obviously, it's going to be a limited market though. But it's there.

wtknight · 2026-06-06T13:26:57+00:00

I personally do not think that it is unless she has had casual sex experiences with better men. If so, it is possible that she will remember the sexual experiences that she had with these men and realize that the average guy just is not in the same league. She might "love" the average man more, but she possibly will not have the same "primal" lust that she had for the above average man at one time.

This is one of the reasons why I tried to avoid women whom I knew had casual sex when I was single, besides the idea that I also find the whole idea of having sex with strangers kind of gross and unsettling.

Moldy_Gecko · 2026-06-06T09:07:23+00:00

Not an average man, couldn't give you the answer.

But what I will say is this is why the RP men prefer women with less n count. If her experience is only with that guy, she's gonna treat him like that top guy.

Ok-Ninja-8165 · 2026-06-06T10:40:59+00:00

It's very much incel/RP bullshit.

Title	Is an average woman dating an average man considered "settling?"
Author	AlmondMilkMaybe
Upvotes	46
Comments	241
Date	June 6, 2026 7:00 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tya47h/is_an_average_woman_dating_an_average_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-an-average-woman-dating-an-average-man.1582196 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582196

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