Why do men do this, it really irritates me. If you know you're not ready for a relationship or don't want one with her, then just leave her alone. Don't string a woman along just to feed your ego.

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-08-18T19:51:04+00:00

because bangmaid

NessaMonsta17 · 2020-08-18T20:52:14+00:00

Women you have much more control than you take. You have to set your own bar & dead lines. You have to re-evaluate the men you date after every stage.

If I date a man for a month. I DECIDE IF I WANT TO CONTINUE. Why do you leave it up to the men? Ladies first.

If you want to continue & he isn't showing up, then DEAD THE DATES, THE PROCESS, ALL OF IT. Do not waste another second on "maybe he will change his mind". Forget that. Why do you want a man who is flaky at best?

Stop this lingering crap. If it aint "fuck yes" then nothing else matters. Not his excuses, not his valid or invalid reasons, not his complicated life, or unmet goals. None of it matters if he isn't saying "fuck yes I want to date you and I'm ready to put in work". If he is future faking "yes I wanna date you" but doesn't show up or invest (putting in time, effort, money, stepping out his comfort zone to lock you down) then it don't mean a thing girl.

If he is hot & cold because he is mind fucking ya or he is totally confused, dead it. Let him figure it out with you gone. Don't be his security blanket.You determine the boundaries & show men how to respect you by just how much you tolerate. Seriously, a Zero tolerance policy will help you so much.

PSA: FACT- If a man wants you, he WILL not be scared away by your high bar. He WILL ENJOY proving himself.

So pay attention to those investments, Is he really going out of his way to court you or does he do this with everyone because this is convenient? Pay attention to the actions girls. Words and actions must BOTH ALIGN. The relationship should be progressing CONSISTENTLY, not looping around.

(Also I EXPECT men to do these stupid bullshit tactics, so I approach from the perspective of, how quick will this one fuck it up, so i can move on to the next one. When I met my man he actually didn't do what the others did. He stepped up majorly. He knows I would dump him in a heart beat if he crosses me with these petty games. Why because I have actually deaded him before. So he knew from experience. He liked me a lot then, so he went harder and didn't dare play those games with me again because he doesn't want to lose me. He knows I love him but hunny I ain't tolerating crap from no one.)

Hope this gives ya some inspiration ladies. Zero tolerance and stop explaining yourselves. Lead with your actions.

Summerisle7 · 2020-08-18T19:54:25+00:00

So much this! There's a current post here today: "When will a HVM tell you he loves you, will a HV man go on seeing you if he's not sure about you" And the answer is NO, stringing a woman along is LV by definition.

Kimpractical · 2020-08-18T20:11:17+00:00

I think a lot of the times he’s just not interested in having a commitment with her. Unfortunately he will string her along until he meets the one he does want a commitment with, he will dump the first girl and move on to make the new girl miserable, destroying 2 lives at the same time

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-08-18T20:06:54+00:00

Classic Placeholder Forever GF and/or Shut Up Ring Forever Fiance With No Wedding: A Classic LVM & NVM Move. Some of the "reasons":

Can manipulate "building a life together" to deflect accountability for their manchild behavior and utilize you for free emotional labor, 50/50 Forever GF bill splitting, advice, insight, career guidance, and other gifts you innately bring to him to "build him up" since he suggests "eventually" you two will get married and/or engaged in a few years but never actually takes concrete steps to show he is serious or puts the work in by himself without your emotional labor. Classic carrot on a stick manipulation ploy. It's easier to have you support and guide him so he doesn't have to!
FREE SEX AND PRACTICE HAVING SEX WITH YOU for at least 1-7 years depending on how long he can get away with his depraved fuckery. As you approach 2.5+ years the sexual requests will become more depraved and pornsick to "spice things up" and use that as an excuse to pressure you or have you do things you were initially uncomfortable doing. A classic "if we are building our lives together, it may be helpful to try out new things in the bedroom" to groom you to continually push boundaries and make concessions for him to see what he can try and get away with, even if it doesn't get you off or causes you pain or makes you insecure. You are not "the one" just a pitstop, so he will have the audacity to ask and lie to you because you are not his wIfEy (yet you won't know until it's too late). He may even suggest having an "open relationship" once you two are "happily married for a few years" and/or be "poly" and in that case, he is not serious and you are a Placeholder.
Cohabitation for a long-ass time to save money and not be in his mom's basement because you agree to 50/50 splitting or paying a majority of the bills since he is a manchild and will not work as hard as you do to bust your ass in your career. Without you, he would need to put effort and look for roommates all by himself so it's easier to just live with you as a shitty roommate/partner!
Some female friends and social networking for some BS 2nd side hustle full of LV people that will take him away some or most evenings--increasing as time progresses and your relationship becomes more evident you are a Placeholder. The female friend meet ups will start out a few times a year for just holidays and standard friend group outings (ie: high school reunions, grabbing dinner to catch up and he invites you but you trust him, etc.). Then one he demonstrates some baseline low effort commitment with a shut up engagement or some big milestone that tricks you into thinking he is serious and not a LVM (ie: getting pet together), he will spend more time with his creative side hustle endeavors like starting his slimeball podcast, becoming a fitness guru, and/or some other BS non-career that isn't his 9-5pm job after work hours to further ignore and breadcrumb you since you aren't really a priority to him (he doesn't really value you either). He will also start doing more "friend check ins" with female friends from maybe 2 times a year max with each girl to maybe every 3-4 months to "check in and catch up" as well as previously inviting you to then just announcing since you "trusted him before" (LOL). He is just waiting for his female HS BFF he has the hots for secretly that is in a LTR to breakup with her college BF and have a few months to heal (while he destroys you as a casualty) so he can "nice guy" and slide into her DMS to eventually leave you and cancel your fake wedding because you have not been hit by the Placeholder Fiance/GF revelation yet.
Since he has you hooked on future faking, he will become more and more depraved and disrespectful towards you with no effort at all but not give you a yes or no. It'll go from a basic valentine's day gift to something so low effort and so pitiful that you feel embarrassed telling you closest friends and/or support. If that's you, it's time to get out.
His family loves you because you look good on paper. You are the whole package. You are amazing. You are an exceptional human being and any person would be a FOOL not to love and appreciate all you bring. He knows your value, but he doesn't want you to realize your value and leave him before he is able to use you and drain you for all you are worth before he DECIDES he is done. He is a leech and you are the Giving Tree without boundaries. So he will continue to "work on things" and/or even have the audacity to do "couples counseling" for a few months (manipulating the couples counselor the whole time to gaslight you so he can maximize his benefits from you) until he knows that HS BFF is into him or he gets a vibe where it's okay to dump you (ie: Female BFF has at least 2-3 months to "heal" from her relationship so he can inflitrate). By then, he has probably gotten at least 12K/year in rent savings and your mental health destroyed. Then a nasty breakup and you realizing you were the Placeholder.

yomommahouse · 2020-08-18T20:30:09+00:00

Because of lack of morals, lack of values, lack of integrity, lack of empathy, lack of valuing women as human beings. It's that simple

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-08-18T19:53:05+00:00

Because MuH pEnIs

Meadow97 · 2020-08-18T21:08:18+00:00

Because these types of men are after sex and they want all the benefits of being in a relationship without actually being in one. They want to see as many different women at the same time as possible with no strings attached, because it's technically not cheating if he's not commiting to any of them.

They also don't want to feel like they're being used by a woman who also only wants sex. They know it doesn't feel good to be wanted just for sex but they're hypocrites. So they pretend to want a relationship with a woman who wants something serious and lead her on to get regular, routine sex. They think if she's looking for something serious then they can keep her around for a long time since she's unlikely to just leave.

It's a big joke.

PhoenixRisingAsap · 2020-08-18T20:18:48+00:00

My most recent date ended with the guy asking me out on a second date but in 3 days he texted me he’s not ready and I was actually glad he did. At least he just wasted my 3 days not 3 months! We hadn’t even slept together yet. He did the bare minimum thing by being honest but I was grateful for it. Told him thank you and never texted him again.

However, what I don’t get is why a 36 year old man went out on a date if he wasn’t ready, or why ask someone out again. Just don’t do it. It’s plain and simple. Don’t you know what you want by now? And it’s funny how they think we would expect commitment after one date. Bro I don’t even know you. Dating is a process. I take longer to decide which dress to buy.

heleninthealps · 2020-08-18T19:54:32+00:00

Because mUh pEnIs nEeD BaNgMaiD :(

Quicklyquigly · 2020-08-18T21:35:09+00:00

“Weren’t ready” means they’re waiting for something they consider better to come along and if you pressure them into anything serious they’ll just bounce. If he’s not chasing you, he isn’t serious.

sexxxybae · 2020-08-18T20:32:25+00:00

This guy emails me every so often, he likes me and we never met. He knows I am working on stuff with my ex, so he admitted guys will be your friend and wait til you break up and get in there. We know this... anyway he doesn't want marriage. Not that everyone does...but why the hell waste time trying to get with me, when in the end you don't want marriage and admitted you're not a good boyfriend? So you can waste a year or two from my time, you got what you wanted, and stuff ran its course? So selfish. He's in his 40s

bringtwizzlers · 2020-08-19T04:11:48+00:00

I'm tired of it. I'm so damn tired yall. I have been dealing with having my time wasted for a decade now, and I am not dating anymore for awhile.

It doesn't matter if you're upfront about what you want, or tell them they're welcome to leave if they don't want something serious, all men do is LIE! Lie, and pretend, and lead you on. They all want free emotional support. Not anymore, clowns 🤡

cirrus_cloud · 2020-08-18T20:01:18+00:00

Yeah it’s no surprise these scrotes only think with their peepees!

Saltwich · 2020-08-18T23:53:39+00:00

Free housekeeping

Attention

Bill split

Steady screw

DuckToaster12 · 2020-08-19T04:41:11+00:00

They just want all the benefits of a girlfriend without being in a relationship. 🙄

ErikaNaumann · 2020-08-19T09:07:09+00:00

Why wouldn't he? Put yourself in their shoes.

Imagine you start dating a dude you are not that into, but he cooks for you, he cleans your house, he gives your orgasms, he supports you emotionally, and he pays half your bills. Wouldn't you keep him around for a while, and then dump him after a few months or years when you found someone you actually like?

That's why they do it. If we stop cooking, cleaning, fucking and be a free therapist to boyfriends, and paying for shit, they won't string you along. That's why we don't give boyfriends husband privileges.

whenthecagedbirdsing · 2020-08-18T23:11:07+00:00

Lol this is exactly what happened to my goofy ass. I won’t do it again. I thank FDS. I have enough self love to not put up with this crap anymore.

crustycube · 2020-08-18T23:20:28+00:00

Had a huge dramatic confrontation a few months back w a guy who did exactly this to me. Wasnt even worth exploding at him honestly

terrn1981 · 2020-08-19T02:30:48+00:00

The answer is:

Sex.

The end.

0kfornow · 2020-08-19T08:16:56+00:00

Because they're so unbelievably selfish they don't care how Mich time they waste. Honestly they don't care if they destroy you. As long as they get what they want they will happily bleed you dry.

LittleBoBooBoo · 2020-08-18T23:04:40+00:00

sex. its literally that simple.

2020-08-18T23:18:11+00:00

It’s the only way they can get sex

AnniaT · 2020-08-19T11:01:36+00:00

Some men know perfectly well they don't want a relationship (in general or in many cases specifically with you) early on and know you're more relationship driven and won't say anything and string you along because they like the comfort of having sex benefits over an extend period of time and other girlfriend benefits without having to commit or make an effort. It's comfortable for them so they let it go as long as it pleases them. Then when you want to talk things out/have the "define the relationship talk" and all that to know for sure where you two stand, they'll gaslight you and act as if you're crazy obsessive psycho for wanting relationship talk after months of dating or for misinterpreting the situation. Also most men avoid the confrontation of rejecting a girl at any cost. Some of them think that women are not mature enough to take it and think it's better to play it along. It's bad and very low value.

LittleBitchyBanana · 2020-08-19T08:26:45+00:00

Why would they want to give up free sex? 🙃

daisy_0720 · 2020-08-19T10:26:56+00:00

Because these dudes know that if they don't look like Chris Hemsworth or Henry Cavill, that talking a woman into regular, no-strings-attached sex is practically impossible. So they lure you in with the promise of a 'relationship' instead.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-08-19T13:35:53+00:00

As if they had empathy.

They are predators. It was planned.

the_researcher_ · 2020-08-19T08:59:58+00:00

I've fallen in this trap too many times. Not caring at first because the sex is good (enough), then waking up one day realizing you want more, only to realize slowly in the weeks to follow that he's still in the place where we both started.

On the other hand, I'm happy that the earlier ones didn't want to commit when I wanted either. I think there's something about good sex that makes me think I love him.

supadupamuaks · 2020-08-18T22:46:55+00:00

This is not cool (N)

No need to do it.

Cutiejea · 2020-08-19T09:50:59+00:00

Literally, after the 2nd date - he messages me on facebook messenger that he wasn't ready. There goes 1 month of my life wasted in 2017

warinmymind94 · 2020-08-19T16:28:50+00:00

Yup. When i used OLD before fds id start chatting with a lot of guys most admitted really quickly they:

-lived at home/friends couch -no job -no education -smokes weed/does drugs -no reliable car -says "babe" from the start -im frugal/ saving money -video game addict -pornsick -come hangout babe/u can clean 4 me

And when id tell them (yeah before fds I'd actually tell them good luck/I'm not interested) "you really need to get a job and work on yourself more before trying to date" id get the "well what do you bring to the table and id unmatch. This is why I ghost and don't use OLD since starting fds

OrchidLion · 2020-08-21T03:03:47+00:00

Males don't care.

InnocentlyDistressed · 2020-08-19T00:45:26+00:00

To be fair women do this as well but that’s doesn’t make it less shitty. For some people it helps them get over their past relationship and hurt but it just means they are poor at dealing with their emotions healthily.

I wish people after a bad breakup would just take a large chunk of time to check in, mourn, do things for themselves and be fully ready before fully moving on.

adertina · 2020-08-19T01:12:04+00:00

exactly!

lvoncreek · 2020-08-19T08:28:10+00:00

Because sex duh

SmoothDaikon · 2020-08-19T02:16:48+00:00

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