Why women want to make guys they like wait for sex?

Ch3rry_B0mb_ · 2020-09-19T02:40:49+00:00

Another point is:

Women make men wait so they can get the power in the relationship, and control the man with their box.

withersgsreddit · 2020-09-18T23:10:18+00:00

" Sounds like a recipe for disaster. "

All of modern society is a disaster. More news at 11.

Sekina7 · 2020-09-18T23:14:46+00:00

Because of the following:

Feeling safe is KEY. Though sadly, most women are killed by a man she knows and that is one of the highest causes of women's deaths globally.. And casual sex for women means the are very vulnerable and have far more to worry about, let alone a man being able to cause her bodily harm in a number of ways or death.
If a man is dating with purpose , seriously and crucially PURSUING women that make it clear they do not engage in casual sex then he is wilfully choosing women who make it clear they want commitment as a deal breaker. If he is just about getting in your pants then he is on a tight deadline with regards to when he receives what he wants then sex is his main and only goal.
Women have to risk, pregnancy and the risk of being abandoned , which is also a rarely discussed key element of the rise in single mothers. Her casual sex companion is under no obligation , according to many pod men to expect any kind of support or child support to assist raising any kids or she risks the possible trauma of an Abortion, reportedly physical and psychological. s. Funnily enough , choosing who you sleep with and risk having kids with is a key factor in that outcome. Many men on here moan that women are ht gate keepers of sex and should vet men and "choose better".and this is part of that.
Women are at higher risk of being the receivers of STD's from men.
Many men are VERY judgemental, spiteful and unkind about women who the sleep with casually, they make it clear a woman chastity is her value and how "easy" it is for women to get sex. even if PPD men truly believe that casual sex is something that on average-favours men and women the same (eye roll) , this does not explain how most men on PPD defame, degrade and slander them. ALL making it clear such women are not for long term relations ? It's a common practice as detailed regularly on this sub that men not only is it fair fame for men to insulate they want a relationship but never follow through. If they can get laid they are perfectly within their rights to follow their post nut "clarity"and decide that things won't be working out after all. Knowing FULL WELL whether or not the woman in question wanted more, and if she did they don't really give a damn as they did not discuss or confirm commitment.
Most men can and usually will if, allowed have sex JUST to scratch an itch, or if they are with someone who they know does not have many other options and is into them with no effort and if a woman sleeps with a man without confirmed commitment from him are assumed by men open to other men as quickly and open to being told a myriad of excuses post sex as to why the man can't or won't commit, And why should he, he has already gotten all the milk from the yard, for ZERO investment? According to the men on PPD, first night , or any and every night women are not 1st choose for long term commitment oe courting of any kind are they??? Same with over weight women according to PPD men...HMMMM.
Sharing Bodily fluids, ESPECIALLY at the moment, and risking the consequences that come along with engaging in the act of sex "casually" hardly seems worth it for women atm unless pre settled in satisfactory context.
Women are more likely to "enjoy" themselves repeatedly, when they feel relaxed and there is a feeling of safety , security, desire for and from her mate, and being looked after.
Men have also commented on this sub previously that they do not give their best performance for women the see casually. Women have a MUCH higher chance of multiple satisfactory moments from sex within a loving, committed and mutually beneficial relationship if that is way suits her.
All humans have different priorities throughout their lives. Many men "pump and dump" once they secure what they want, teaching women how the game goes, they chase women based mainly on aesthetics till they DIE.
For men, character is not a deal breaker next to an attractive and appealing , especially if just for sex woman. Yet, men choose more wisely as they age and their priorities change just like women. A woman choosing to ensure a man she is dating is in it for the long term (if that is what she wants) before engaging in extra curricular activities with him does not mean she does not desire him, it may often mean she desires him aesthetically AND for long term endeavours and would like to see evidence of him investing into the possibility of being with her seriously which takes time and fair enough, if the man is not up for it then he can go elsewhere.

2020-09-19T01:19:41+00:00

I think it’s correlation, not causation. A guy that is pushy and impatient never wanted commitment to begin with. Those guys probably overlap with women that thought having sex was the only way to win him over, then they had sex and he didn’t commit because he was never interested in commitment to begin with. Meanwhile, the guys who went at a steady pace with their partner committed because that’s what they wanted in the first place. So if you’re a woman, it’s in your best interest to go at your own slow, steady pace. It won’t change the men, but the men that are impatient will get weeded out.

decoy88 · 2020-09-19T01:33:02+00:00

[deleted]

rubbooyuri · 2020-09-18T21:17:56+00:00

The waiting time weeds out the minimally invested. If all they want is pussy, or are “meh” about a woman, they will bounce rather than wait.

Is this really that hard to understand?

Please note that the 3-month FDS period is extreme to the point of counterproductivity, but it’s really meant to break co-dependent, desperate women of bad habits. They are not normal women

rosephase · 2020-09-18T21:08:51+00:00

I don't.

I don't date anyone that I don't already deeply like and respect and that I feel a strong sexual attraction for. I've had sex as soon as it was possible with every partner I've made in the last 15 years. All of them except for 1 turned into long term relationships.

But if you are dating virtual strangers from the internet... they could easily be lying about who they are, or you could be misunderstandings them. Hell, it's dangerous to go home with a stranger, little lone, let them physically inside your body.

I think most women put off fucking a guy because they don't know if they themselves are into him yet or they don't know him well enough to trust him. I think it's rarely about commitment. And a lot more about safety and/or desire.

Aphor1st · 2020-09-18T21:00:06+00:00

When I have sex too early it’s often bc if pressure and I feel gross after/wouldn’t want to date a guy like that. A guy who respects me and wants me to be comfy is way higher quality.

2020-09-18T22:17:27+00:00

Because we don't want to make guys we don't like wait for sex. We want them to go away.

But seriously its not about making someone to get interested. Its about to filter out ones who are not interested enough.

iamsooohungry · 2020-09-19T03:41:09+00:00

It’s true. If you have sex with a guy too early most of the time he will throw you over.

ex_red_black_piller · 2020-09-19T01:14:51+00:00

[deleted]

DXBrigade · 2020-09-18T21:58:14+00:00

It's a good way to filter out fuckboys

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-09-18T21:35:43+00:00

It’s not a pervasive idea , it actually is the case a lot of that time if she puts out too early. It’s the ‘will he just see me as a slut?’ dilemma, even if we want to have sex right away.

Some guys don’t get that we can be very attracted to a guy and sexually objectify him but still hold off on having sex with him too soon for fear that we end up sending the message that we are down for a casual hook up when we want more. This is especially the case if we actually like them beyond their looks and see a potential for something more than sex with him.

KapteeniJ · 2020-09-18T21:18:40+00:00

But it seems so dumb. Because why be so eager to commit to a man that’s so judgmental? That actually wouldn’t respect you if he knew the truth about your casual tendencies?

A friend of mine, a male, was adamant that when she met a girl he decided he wanted to marry(happened a couple of years later), he would on purpose delay having sex with her for months because he knew that if it happens too soon, his brain will just write her off from being potential LTR candidate. This was no minor consideration.

He's the type of alpha this subreddit dreams about, literally having women bombard him with all sort of dirty messages despite him trying to tell them he's married, and if he decided he wanted to have sex with someone one day, couple of hours that happened.

Dunno if it's only something "alphas" experience but yeah, that drop of interest after early sex happens at least to some men. Seems reasonable for women to not take chances.

2020-09-18T21:53:55+00:00

If I slept with every guy I liked on the first I’d be the raging whore y’all accuse all women of being. What would my little heart do with all that PPD disapproval 😢

thetruthishere_ · 2020-09-19T02:02:11+00:00

Ive personally never have had sex in that first few dates, it was at least a month. It really just naturally progressed that way, they didn't pressure me. Ive never had a long term with someone I didn't already meet in person/knew a bit. I dont use OLD/social media like FB/Snap/IG, etc

A man that pressed for it fast turned me off and I ran away from him as I saw him as just wanting to use me for sex. A man cant wait past a few dates, see ya.

nik6979 · 2020-09-19T02:20:19+00:00

When I first met my husband we had sex by our 3rd date, and have been connected by the hip ever since truly . If you have true sexual attraction it won't take long to get into some sexual activities , maybe not full blown sex at first but that's okay . Its alright to wait or modify till you feel comfortable.

iammrmosely · 2020-09-19T04:06:24+00:00

They don’t actually like the guys they make wait for sex. If you like a girl you want to have sex with her. They are the same.

michael1962-01 · 2020-09-19T10:52:48+00:00

It is plain and simple.

If your chemestry is compatible it "klicks" inside the first minute or so.

If not - all the games and drama starts.

So as a male - either it is "now or never" or "never".

I wouldn't go for anything less.

I never been into anything different.

satanic_hamster · 2020-09-18T21:38:01+00:00

Maybe it s biological, maybe it's social conditioning - but men DO like a chase.

Not for three months on end, but having sex with a man straight away does cause a slight drop in effort on their part. Something happens and they just start putting less effort in or lose interest entirely (even if the sex was a marathon session with him having multiple orgasms).

This is not something with right wing/ red pill men - I have seen it happen with self proclaimed feminist and liberal men.

It's like men like a little bit of 'mistique' and a bit of a chase.

ChadInKorea · 2020-09-18T21:45:29+00:00

A normal man would never commit to a woman who sleeps around. Such a woman is not serious and is indeed not worth committing to. Her pretending to be pure by making some guys wait only shows her blatant dishonesty and adds insult to injury.

Dora_Bowl · 2020-09-18T20:55:40+00:00

Avoid being pump and dumped
~~Dread game~~ Seeing if he will put in some effort for you(related to #1)
Comfort level, a lot of women do not like having sex right away unless they have some trust first.

rivertorain- · 2020-09-18T21:59:35+00:00

I didn’t think the guy was into me enough; that’s the main reason why I haven’t slept with guys.

Actually, I’d say that I’ve turned down more Chads because of this. You can’t whinge to me about your ex gf or whatever that you’re clearly still hung up on and then expect me to think I can compete with that.

heaven-sent · 2020-09-19T02:03:17+00:00

I choose to hold off on sex with someone I really like because I know that sex will only further strengthen and complicate my feelings. I do it to protect myself from further disappointment in case they don’t feel the same way about me.

And while I’ve never had casual sex, I can understand why it appeals to people. If you don’t really like someone but are horny/bored then why not, there’s no risk of getting your feelings hurt, it’s just an experience.

NarniaFox · 2020-09-19T03:01:45+00:00

If you're sure that this idea is true and that most men share it, you have to play by the rules and there is a high chance you don't actually think that this idea/rule isn't okay.

But women wait to have sex not only because they want to look decent. Some need enough time to become comfortable with a new person to be naked with them, others can't really feel attraction to anyone they don't know well, a lot of people nowadays also have bad experience to overcome and it may take time as well...

RottingAway90 · 2020-09-19T04:16:59+00:00

It’s the stereotypical advice we get from literally every “dating coach” as well as female friend/relative. There’s this prevalent idea that if you give him sex too early you’ll lose value in his eyes, come off as “thirsty” etc and that it’s necessary to put men through “tests” in order to avoid being used.

Not being a man and not having much experience, I’m not sure how true that is. I was sexual early on with my ex (when we were still friends and hadn’t gotten together yet) and it seemed to work in that situation. Another guy who I tried to have a meaningless fling with shortly after my breakup ended up developing feelings and I had to distance myself because it felt like I was leading him on.

On the other hand, I have been pumped & dumped in the past and my experience is that men who act sexual straight away aren’t looking for anything romantic. The scenarios in which being sexual has led to romantic feelings or a relationship, I was the initiator and also the stakes were low so I wasn’t too worried about trying to impress them. So could be a power dynamic thing - perhaps a woman nonchalantly initiating sex is perceived as “fun” and “free spirited”, while being swayed into having sex or offering sex in exchange for affection makes us look weak. Could also just depend on the individual guy, his values, how interested he is and what he’s currently looking for.

ya_cuza · 2020-09-19T04:35:39+00:00

Whenever my girlfriends have purposely put off sex its more been because they don't want to get attached than anything else. They're aware that once they start having a physical relationship they're going to develop feelings faster, and they don't want to feel super attached to someone they've just started dating.

This doesn't go for all women, I'm not like that and find it easy to detach myself. But rather than playing hold out games, I feel like the above mentioned reason is a valid one that a lot of women would benefit from if they were just honest with themselves about their feelings.

AdolfGandi · 2020-09-19T05:28:13+00:00

Exactly. If Chad doesn't want to commit, he doesn't want to commit. Not fucking him isn't going to magically change his views on commitment.

anonnn18 · 2020-09-19T12:00:06+00:00

For some people it takes time to find someone that they click with. If I slept with every man that I “started” dating, do you know how high my body count would be?? Do you know how much risk it would be to get STD’s, plus the emotional toll that it takes on a woman who keeps sleeping with men she THINKS she might be getting into a relationship with? Why doesn’t anyone get this?

phlegmdawg · 2020-09-19T13:18:36+00:00

Only speaking for myself. The dude’s opinion of me relationship-wise and if we have sex or not, are two different things. I have sex when I feel ready, and that changes depending on the type or relationship I’m seeking (which is clearly communicated to that other person up front). Frankly, I wouldn’t seriously date someone whose relationship probability opinion hinged on whether I had sex with them or not. It’s such an irrelevant factor and shows a hypocritical mentality.

As a demisexual, it’s not about making a guy I like “wait for sex.” It’s more waiting until a good mental connection is established before I get those tinglies that make me want to jump him. It takes time to get to know someone as a person and discover the potential for a long term connection. This also helps in the case of not feeling “used” because even if it doesn’t work out, my engagement was an educated decision and not some spur of the moment act that I later regretted. I was an informed and willing participant the whole time.

Now, logically I can imagine that if I wasn’t a demisexual and didn’t need that familiarity before engaging sexually with someone, that this all goes out the window if one is dating just to have someone to bone. That same risk of getting hurt is not there either because that persons feelings towards me are not a factor, just if they can get down to business. You are both there as a placeholder to fulfill a physical need, nothing more. Clear communication is even more vital in these types of flighty interactions.

This is just me too. All women are not a hive mind, and I definitely don’t approach dating thinking all men are either. Communication is key to figuring out motivations and expectations. So it’s more of an issue of being clear on your intentions so the other person can opt in or out as they see fit.

throwaway91078 · 2020-09-19T00:43:21+00:00

A man lives and learns lol. Now we discover that the men who get sex the first night out are the ones women don't like while the lucky ones are left to their lovely hands in the hope of future pricey starfish sweet love with newborn wives.

Honest to god, make at least an effort to maintain a certain degree of logic in these discussions. At least, give it a try.

If you women can't be honest in an anonymous Reddit discussing gender issues what kind of manipulation one can expect from you IRL? This is insane.

flamingoinghome · 2020-09-18T21:31:05+00:00

IME, it's not that, at least for me. It's more--I know I'll feel closer to a guy once we have sex. So if I already like him a lot, and don't know if he likes me, I'll be hesitant to have sex with him, because it not working out will hurt a lot more. If he's just "meh" OR we're already friends/ I know what this is going to be, it's easier to "take the hit", if you will.

carlsberg24 · 2020-09-19T05:43:42+00:00

It's the sensible strategy to weed out the ones who ONLY want sex. Women are not clairvoyant to tell apart men who will commit vs those who won't on sight or based on behavior.

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sublimemongrel · 2020-09-18T23:27:38+00:00

I’ve never deliberately “made a man wait” when I was ready and wanted to have sex with him. Like every single other person alive who has sex with more than one person, I haven’t had sex on exactly the same timeframe with each man, but that was based on when he chose to escalate/when I chose to escalate.

Longest was when I was the one escalating the relationship o sex, probably. Because I was hoping he would first and was scared of being rejected because I liked him much. Ultimately I still did it, but he would have gotten laid earlier if he would have put the moves on earlier.

Aphor1st · 2020-09-18T23:19:53+00:00

No we didn’t have a close relationship but we did work together and had done many work related outings like the one we were at. It was the military so drinking was often involved. I was also way more trusting then. I also trusted the people I served with more than civilians at the time.

He just offered to make my life easier so I didn’t have to get my car in the morning and sleep in the other bed. Not my brightest decision. Like I said in the first comment. I put myself in a situation where it was difficult to say no. I am not putting the full blame on him part of it was me. The me now would never trust any man like that too many have taught me that lesson.

Also I would say the fact that he started groping me while I was asleep makes this sexual assault by any authority’s book. By any real mans book the second I asked him to stop and get out of my bed should of been the end of it. Instead he kept pushing. He had a plan and I fell for it. Thank god I’m no longer that naïve.

Zombombaby · 2020-09-19T04:50:30+00:00

I fucked my husband on the first date. He was the second guy I've ever been with. Had lots of boyfriends, not a lot of sexual partners. Everyone is different.

sigma1932 · 2020-09-19T07:43:09+00:00

Going by the topic title:

They don't like those guys... they like those guys' resources.

m4dw0r1d · 2020-09-19T10:31:25+00:00

To make sure that guys don't have any STD.
To make sure that guys are attracted to girls not because of sex, but something more - hobbies, personality etc. It takes time to know each other.
Girls love the chase lol

limoncelloAt3Am · 2020-09-19T11:18:44+00:00

I don't. And I didn't have any trouble finding men to commit to me,bm the guys I'm interested in don't play this game anyway

Tugallois · 2020-09-19T11:28:30+00:00

If she likes him, it will hurt more to be pumped and dumped.

Mimoxs · 2020-09-19T18:11:56+00:00

Because:

if they have sex too soon with a guy, he’ll never consider her seriously for commitment

is true. In all cases except bottom tier men.

2020-09-20T08:01:56+00:00

> Is it not better to find someone who agrees with your values about sex? Misrepresenting your attitude/values in order to snag a traditionalist man is manipulative and ultimately will come to bite you in the arse.

Because they know the 'traditional man' will tend to be higher value. The man who "agrees with her values" aka "would wife a slut" is likely a desperate pussy-beggar.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-09-23T18:01:09+00:00

I only like non exclusive dating & am incapable of making any type of commitment

My decision to have sex is always just based on the level of chemistry I feel with someone

If its there I will have sex if its not I wont

Lacuna-Foil · 2020-09-18T23:25:23+00:00

I can't speak for anyone else, nor do I believe in some three month rule, but just because I'm interested in a guy doesn't mean I'm 100% comfortable with having sex right off the bat. I need some time to make sure that it's something I want, with that particular man.

Barneysparky · 2020-09-19T01:30:53+00:00

Why do guys pay for prostitutes or do hook up apps then wine and dine a woman they are interested in taking home to their mother?

What does "Chad" do? Chad has had a girl he really likes on his radar since he met her, be that whatever time in his life he met her. He hooks up with other girls but he never gets serious. He doesn't think about what Becky from next door is doing much because he is doing his own thing. Experienced woman know if you meet a "perfect guy" and he has a hot close female friend he's taken.

Chad may or may not take his dates out, he probably does, because he really doesn't want a relationship so he trades nice meals and romantic moments for hot sex. It's a fair trade, after all that's what he wants right?

When I was 8 I was allowed to go to the EX (county fair) with a neighbour's family. I won a poster and before my mother could say no I hung it on my wall with scotch tape.

Jeez was I in trouble, I think my 8-year-old brain thought maybe she wouldn't notice the black velvet picture of a biker on his hog giving the finger. At the time I didn't know what the caption meant at all, and it took me many years to fully understand it. The caption read, "Gas, Grass, or Ass, No one Rides for Free."

That's not fair? Cry me a river. This bold statement applies to every aspect of your life.

EGOtyst · 2020-09-19T03:24:25+00:00

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Willow-girl · 2020-09-19T03:55:23+00:00

You have to understand that women are schooled to be whores, not sluts. They are encouraged to "hold out," not "give it away" and not "sell themselves short."

MasterTeacher123 · 2020-09-18T23:53:32+00:00

Every girl I’ve ever seriously dated we started having Sex within a week of 2 weeks of knowing each other.

decoy88 · 2020-09-19T01:10:13+00:00

[deleted]

Why women want to make guys they like wait for sex?

EDIT:

Comments

Title	Why women want to make guys they like wait for sex?
Author	decoy88
Upvotes	49
Comments	430
Date	September 18, 2020 8:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/iveb7j/why_women_want_to_make_guys_they_like_wait_for_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-women-want-to-make-guys-they-like-wait-for-sex.218259 https://theredarchive.com/post/218259