Older women, do you think you can afford to be as picky as you could be when you were younger?

belletaco · 2019-06-19T17:18:55+00:00

I'm 29 in 2 months but better looking now than I was when I was late teens/early 20's due to lifestyle changes + my face thinning out the baby fat. i'm also more interesting and more confident. def would be pickier but i fully believe i could find a better looking mate now than when i was younger and based off the type of guys that hit on me that seems to be true.

CuriousOptimistic · 2019-06-19T17:50:25+00:00

45F here. Twice divorced, no kids. I can afford to be pickier than ever.

First of all, I don't need a man for anything. Don't want to be with me? That's fine. I have my own career and my own life. I can be super picky because I'm fine alone.

Secondly, when I was 20-30 I was not particularly attractive. I was not the kind of girl who ever got much attention. I was fine but mostly unremarkable.

I've come into my own at 45 and meanwhile I've taken care of myself better than most of my peers. My attractiveness relative to my peer group has skyrocketed.

Despite the conventional wisdom that men in their 40- 50s are still chasing 23 year olds, practically most of them aren't. They are mostly looking for someone near their age who is fun to be with.

I'm here to tell you the dating market looks pretty good for a slender 45 year old woman with little baggage, a good career, who loves sex, doesn't play games, and isn't a bitch. There don't seem to be many of us and I'm getting more interest from men now than at any time previous in my life.

MoistMaoist · 2019-06-19T17:40:43+00:00

Why do you see relationships as this simplistic transactional deal, with no nuance for personal compatibility, totally denying that aging and attractiveness is not a simple and reliable formula based on some linear, inverse relationship, and acting like women's only value in life is whether they're in a relationship or not? And have you considered that we wouldn't even want to be with a man who is so shallow that he sees us as disposable and garbage once we hit 30? Like wtf is this toxic nonsense? This is how 12 year olds with no life experience look at the world.

sublimemongrel · 2019-06-19T18:06:14+00:00

I never once even had a thought like this in my head. I paired (back) up with my now husband when I was 24, but we originally started dating when I was 19. Before we got back together I did not have any issues finding men who wanted to LTR me. I suppose maybe post-25 or so it could be a tad more difficult simply because I started my (demanding, stressful, long hours) career then and would have far less time to date or even meet men. But it would never have struck me to envision my options were more limited because of youth/beauty, I don't think.

It just never struck me to think this way at all actually. I got the man I wanted most and I've never thought "well what else could I get".

doctor_trucks · 2019-06-19T18:20:20+00:00

I was, am, and will be exactly as picky as I need to be. It is much easier to be single than to be in a relationship I'm not enthusiastic about. I dont date just to date, or because I cant handle being alone. I've spent about the same number of adult years single as I have in a relationship, and that's one thing I've learned: a bad or even a "meh" relationship is faaaaaar worse than no relationship at all.

Basically, if we are not both crazy about each other, I am not interested.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-06-19T17:38:59+00:00

If anything, I'm more picky because I know what to watch out for, and I am more apt to throw off a guy who is a bad partner because I know I don't need him.

QueenCousland86 · 2019-06-19T17:29:25+00:00

I've always been picky, but I only get pickier the older I get. If I'd married someone in my early 20s I would ABSOLUTELY be divorced by now, because I still thought picking a fixer-upper (emotionally stunted, selfish, lacking foresight) was a viable option for a successful relationship.

Ofourkind · 2019-06-19T17:47:40+00:00

More picky.

I'm 40 and just got married about 2 years ago.

A message for younger women: Do NOT listen to the dudes here telling you that you'd better hurry up and get hitched before you hit "the wall". This is a myth perpetrated by those who benefit from your anxieties.

The quality of men I dated in my thirties would have been completely unavailable to me in my twenties. Why? Because I improved myself and my circumstances as I aged. As I gained an education, better jobs/career (money), life experience, self sufficiency, physical fitness, confidence, etc, the caliber of men who were interested in me increased. By and large, the lawyers, doctors, successful business owners, etc want to date similarly minded and accomplished women. You want a rich husband? Get your ass to grad school. You want a fun and interesting husband? Cultivate a fun and interesting life. You want an attractive and fit husband? Go to your local YMCA and get to work.

I am SO glad I waited. My husband would not have wasted his time on me were I some 22 year old finding my way. He had his shit together and wanted a partner who had her shit together. Now we work together for even better things.

Caveat, this only works if you continue to invest in yourself and work towards your goals. You can't just sit around and wait for Mr. Perfect. Become what you want in a partner.

Not to mention that waiting until you're a little older to marry decreases your chances of ending up divorced

PennnyLame · 2019-06-19T17:42:46+00:00

I am married to the guy I paired off with at 21. It’s less that I think could cash in on youth/beauty 10 years ago and more that I think there were more men who were both attractive and interested in relationships. Those men get partnered up in their 20’s so, if I were single now, I would be out of luck.

I wouldn’t say I am pickier but I expect people to act in accordance with their age and maturity. At 23, my husband had a barely furnished, terrible apartment and lived in Costco jeans, Old Navy black tees and combat boots. I thought it was cute then. Wouldn’t fly now. (And he wouldn’t want to go back to that either. He likes the nicer things now!) I was much more open to guys with potential than I would be now. It was just easier to pair off young.

wotsittoyou · 2019-06-19T22:14:29+00:00

I'm nearly 50. If I was on the market again? Sure. I've had my kids so there's no hurry for that, and I'm OK financially so there's no need to find someone to share household expenses with, and I'm not overly thirsty for sex or friendship. Could happily wait forever if I wasn't finding guys who seemed worth the risk. No problem. At this age I have no particular need of a man.

Can't say I'd feel much different if I hadn't had kids too. Regrets over not having had kids don't actually make a low quality man a good idea.

Willow-girl · 2019-06-20T02:49:17+00:00

52 here. Didn't marry a wealthy man until I was 40, but then most men (and women) aren't wealthy right out of the gates. I've been single for at least a little while in every decade of my adult life and have never had trouble finding a suitable partner. If anything, it's gotten easier as I've gotten older as in the last two rounds, I paired up with men who were already in my social circle, and never dated 'strangers' at all! (Incidentally, I think this is common for older people.)

AellaGirl · 2019-06-19T18:46:08+00:00

I'm 27 - almost at the wall!

I don't think my younger self could have cashed in - the person I was at 18-13 was immature and had a lot of emotional issues, and so I would have turned off mature, healthy people, ending up with similarly fucked up people who were incentivized by my beauty to be with me.

I just keep getting pickier as I get older, but I'm also more at peace with the idea of never finding someone.

reluctantly_red · 2019-06-19T17:32:15+00:00

I’m 44 and have been married for 18 years, with my husband for 21. What does “better” mean here? Better looking? Richer? More ambitious? I probably could have found someone who gets paid more, but that has never been something I ever cared about, so that would be no better to me. Indeed, such a man would probably be worse, because I have a self-actualizing career that is very important to me, and a dude who made lots of money would probably not be terribly interested in having to deal with his wife’s career. (Edit: also, he is objectively hot at the advanced age of 48. Based on what I have seen of other 48-year-old men, no, I could not do better in this respect.)

We have built our lives around one another and have three children. There is not now and has never been anybody “better” for me.

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-06-19T20:15:22+00:00

Close to thirty is the wall? Are you kidding?

shoup88 · 2019-06-20T07:08:18+00:00

I would be more picky now. I wasn’t picky at all when I was 17 and met my husband. Nobody really showed interest in me in high school so I was just happy someone was paying attention. We ended up being a good match but that’s partially because we grew up together. If I met him now I’m not sure I’d be interested (still physically attracted to him, but maybe not personality or values compatible). Then again if we hadn’t stayed together, who knows where I’d be now. Probably a really slutty drug addict.

Also I was not my most attractive when I was 18. 25 was probably my peak.

classylassy28 · 2019-06-19T18:21:30+00:00

Yes. You like what you like. I'd rather be alone then unattracted to him or dislike them but let it slide because I'm "desperate".

It depends on the woman though... If you have a career, are mentally healthy you won't just take any man (you will be picky). If your jobless no career and need male attention/a man for your own self esteem you will not be picky.

zerotakashi · 2019-06-19T17:45:56+00:00

my sisters had facial baby fat on round face shape until late 20's and were very reliant on my mom. they look more asthetic now and have strong personalities. I'd say everyone in my family is a kid in every way until mid 20's. 18 is like adult middle school.

[deleted] · 2019-06-19T19:21:33+00:00

I am 28. I’m attractive still.

I am more picky in a sense that I won’t date younger guys so that thins out the numbers but I also have a better idea of what I want so I’m more discriminate my interactions.

I feel as though as I attract less men than I did at 22 but someone suggested it’s because I’ve stopped going to places where guys in their early 20s congregate and guys in their early 20s are more single and trying to get in your pants than their older counterparts.

Regardless, there are less men knocking on my door now than then. On the other hand: a mate of mine is a single mum at 27 and has more men knocking on her door now than she did at 22. She attracts the same quantity of men that I do but we get treated super differently. I attract less men now than I did at 22 but they’re qualitatively better than the men I attracted at 22. I would think then it’s possible to attract more men as you age if you drop your standards. Many women do that. Many women also increase their standards with age. And i think, in essence, potential suitors increase and decreases as your standards increase and decrease.

I have zero regrets about not cashing in tbh. Anyone that wanted to date/marry me when I was 22 either needed to grow up or was an idiot because I was fun and pretty but nowhere near as evolved as I am now. Plus, I think I have a way to go.

planejane · 2019-06-19T17:39:39+00:00

Sure, but my criteria changed. I used to be big on education and now I'm big on intelligence (big difference between the two). I used to be into guys who made a good paycheck but now I'm into guys who know what to do with it, even if they make less. I used to be into guys who'd argue with me, now I'm thrilled with ones who I can have conversations with.

Basically I learned the difference between qualities on paper and qualities in realtime. Would I have been into my current BF 10y ago? Maybe but probably not quite as much. The guys I was into 10y ago? Not into them now, even though I could probably still get them if I wanted them.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-06-19T20:36:08+00:00

I'm 39

I could afford to be way picker if I were single. For three reasons:

M ushered me into a higher SES than I would have been able to achieve on my own, and vouched for me among his social group. I'll never be "one of them," truly, but I'm accepted. If something happened between us, this is the bubble of men I would be dating
This area has a thriving post-divorce dating scene. Being single in your late 30s, 40s, even 50s is not the kiss of death TRP seems to believe
I've maintained my looks - I'm slim, conventionally attractive, and have no problem indulging in a little preventative Botox or IPL as needed. Getting older is no reason to get fat or start dressing like a stereotypical Mommy

[deleted] · 2019-06-19T21:10:45+00:00

At 20, I had a much older boyfriend who was very rich and handsome. I'm not sure I could have done much better than that, by TRP's "standards".

I spent from 16-26 in back-to-back LTRs. I'm 29 now, single for the last 3 years, admittedly largely by choice. I'm far too sentimental and relationships crushed me, even when I was the dumper.

I'm pickier now on character and whether our lifestyles match. I wish I was stronger and could say that I'm not worried about finding someone but I am. Despite being able to date more attractive men now, I don't think many are relationship-minded, at least here in Berlin.

circuitburner · 2019-06-19T21:54:27+00:00

Good chance pickyness remains static but the amount of men that would consider being seen with them is greatly diminished.

meowsock · 2019-06-20T00:45:00+00:00

At 31, my dating pool is wider than ever in terms of age. I'm still hit on by men who are too young for me (late teens/early 20s) and have the life experience to keep older men interested in the long term. I've been a stripper since age 18 as well, and would say I began becoming more accessible to customers of all ages by the time I was done with college. There is no sign whatsoever of this slowing down yet, however at a certain point I'll have to pivot to a 'MILF' fantasy niche.

FWIW, I have no children, am in decent shape, and avoid the sun like the plague which means I'm a bit better off than my peers in terms of facial ageing.

My SO of seven years could not be a better match for me, so I would change absolutely nothing if I went back in time.

SqueaksScreech · 2019-06-20T01:15:32+00:00

I look like I belong in middle school the only thing I can cash in on is the children's menu

philomexa · 2019-06-19T17:52:07+00:00

Do you think your younger self could have "cashed in on her beauty" and landed a better man than your current older self can?

What does that even mean? I got married at 20 to a hot unemployed musician. Now that I'm 34 I'd still go after a hot unemployed musician.

Are you pickier now or were you pickier when you were younger? In what ways is it different now?

I was picky then and I'm picky now, but its based on my standards. A lanky long haired bassist is far superior to a 6 figure STEMbro with a gym membership. STEMbro drinks protein shakes and is boring as fuck, long haired bassist is chill and has a sweet record collection.

It makes me wonder if the older women here feel like they missed out on that chance.

Why would we feel that way? Most of the the older women here are LTR'd/married and seem pretty happy with their SO's. I know Atlas is ride or die for her feral husband, Creighton seems smitten with her long lost Kennedy brother, Willow has her city hunk meets country boy, Poppy has her fellow (I don't know much about him but she seems pretty happy with him), and I have my hot unemployed musician. We "cashed in" whenever it felt right, to men we deem high quality. as far as I gather there is no looking astray or yearning for more, we're pretty stoked with what we have.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-06-19T17:49:07+00:00

I wrote a whole thing but my short answer is yes.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2019-06-19T20:14:35+00:00

30 in a few months, theory based on approaches/love declarations/navel gazing, as I'm in relationship now.

Do you think your younger self could have "cashed in on her beauty" and landed a better man than your current older self can?

You write 'Following TRP wall definition', so let's roll with it. I guess 'better man' then also means better in TRP sense, eg. more resourceful, high status, etc?

If so, I have definitely more opportunities to LTR/marry such man than when I was 21. Not because I'm sexier or 'more confident' or whatever bullshit now, but simply because of opportunities / social circle. I agree, SMV of a 21 old me was higher than it's now. However, 22 old me was a broke student who hung out with other broke students while drinking cheap wine and having pretentious philosophy debates, and my criteria of best mate was whoever was most successful in drinking cheap wine and winning pretentious philosophy debates. It wasn't really a choice, more of a social circle thing: I didn't have any contact with well-off 30+ olds, didn't talk to them, didn't socialize with them, anyone 5 years older than me was considered 'yuck' to date. Most lavish date scenario was getting a pizza together, and most elaborate birthday gift was a favorite band CD. While now - possible suitors include men who could afford a weekend-date in some touristy city and some more flashy gifts. Also, getting married would mean buying a house together, not renting a room with kitchen shared with another young couple. So, strictly from a golddiger maximizing blackpill-nightmare Thot perspective, I have much easier time now to get a man whose resources I can drain. Not that it's my goal or anything, just talking about possibilities.

Of course, with my 21 year old body I would have even more options, but it's not pick&choose - your scenario says 'early 20 me' vs '30 me', not 'a women with my 20 year old body, but 30 year old job / lifestyle / acquaintances.'

Are you pickier now or were you pickier when you were younger? In what ways is it different now?

Sorry again, but picky as always. 30 is not yet desperation horizon, I think. Some criteria stayed the same, some less important went away and some were added (e.g. at 20 I didn't care if a guy was messy, at 30 I don't care if he listens to 'right' music), but the overall percentage of man I find dateable out of the total pool of men I know stays roughly the same.

SabineLavine · 2019-06-19T20:18:53+00:00

I had terrible taste in men when I was younger. I have much higher standards now.

kandyapplez · 2019-06-19T20:40:08+00:00

this is so hard to compare. when i was 18 - 23 i was dating college students. at 28 my dating pool is ADULTS with jobs. i actually care about what a potential boyfriend does for a living and whether or not he can support a life for us, so my standards are inherently higher right? i got probably my most objectively desirable boyfriend at 26, past my SMV peak.

the 18 - 23 year girls i know now (and i know some knockouts) reaaaally aren't dating guys who i think are beyond my reach whatsoever lol which is why i posted the previous question the first place. like who is this mysterious demographic of men not interested in women above 23 because the literal 21 year old models i know are dating my boyfriend's much less hot club promoter friends and "social influencer" lanklets and shit

PezziniSarah · 2019-06-19T21:56:15+00:00

im pickier now because experience. i know what i want and i will not settle.

Ladyofblades · 2019-06-19T22:21:38+00:00

I attracted better prospects post-33 than I ever did in my teens or 20s, in all respects. I still get more attention now than I ever did then. I don't think the wall is a thing for women with drive.

ButtersStotch4Prez · 2019-06-19T17:45:51+00:00

At 30, I'm pickier now. I've been in a relationship for 8 years and I appreciate him more and more, because I now realize what makes someone a good partner. A lot of the guys I dated in college are just trash in comparison.

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-06-19T20:27:49+00:00

Firstly 'the wall' is BS revenge fantasy, but all entertain for a bit anyway.

I got in a LTR at 18 which lasted until 24 - 25. I moved into another city with him as I had family problems and just needed to get away from them. We had a child and things eventually ran their course (that's another story though). He's not the type I would go for now and the men I've been woth since where completely different people. They had almost opposite personality traits.

Foe some reason dating in my mid twenties was way easier than it was before and it was far easier to be picky (especially about looks). Part of me thinks that I was just a happier person in my twenties and men are attracted to that. I also have way more hobbies and interests that they probably find exciting.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-06-19T17:55:51+00:00

i was single at 31 after an 8 year relationship and i went right with the exact same types of guys i went with at 22 and married one

to be fair, i DGAF about "husband material"

FlavFal · 2019-06-19T18:07:42+00:00

I can be pickier now because when I was 20 I was completely fucked up in the head. No relationship would have survived my craziness back then. I'd have abused the shit out of the poor guy and then I'd have dumped him or he'd have dumped me.

Numerically speaking a 20yo probably has more men interested in her than a 30yo, but I still got the man I wanted the most in my life so I don't think I missed out.

Lyanina · 2019-06-19T18:58:38+00:00

Bonus question for the young women: Are you taking advantage of your "best years"?

Sure.

I'm pretty satisfied with what my romantic life has been like so far. I know I can end a relationship that isn't satisfying. I know I can survive being dumped by someone I still love. I know I have a boyfriend who loves me more than anything and wants to build a life with me. I know that I'm young and still have room to grow and learn, and I'm fine with how things have gone so far.

I will graduate in a few months and though by your definition I'm at the end of my "best" years, I'm pretty sure my life satisfaction will increase in the next few months/years. And not because of romance.

IHeartDay9 · 2019-06-19T19:46:10+00:00

I'm way more picky now than I was when I was younger. I have a better idea of what compatibility is, and am less likely to try to make something fit for a pretty face. Plus, I just don't have the time I used to.

Ichikarayarinaosu · 2019-06-19T20:26:10+00:00

It seems to me that the women here saying "I'm pickier" or "I'm as picky as I ever was", can afford to be because they're exceptional. Seriously.

The women saying this are also saying "I worked on myself, I've built a career, I've raised children, I've gotten in great shape, cultivated hobbies, and built a life that makes me someone worth being with. Someone who can be picky." And that's awesome, it really is. I love these women.

But the exceptions prove the rule. I know some women like them. One is my long-term girlfriend, and she is awesome.

She frequently says that she is baffled by the pathetic game most women being to the table: "I can't believe these women - they always talk to me about, 'I'm leaving this guy and seeing this new weirdo', or 'I'm looking for a husband, I'm looking for love, but it's so hard and men are all bastards.' I'm like, 'I wouldn't want to fuck you . . .' (she's bisexual. [fuck knows how I got that lucky][well, she would say I'm awesome, too. The fool.]) ' . . . I wouldn't want to fuck you, let alone be in a relationship with you.'"

She talks about, we talk about, the large demographic of unhappy 'older' women who righteously and ignorantly bemoan the lack of decent options available to them. These 35+, sometimes physically attractive, women gripe about how all the guys they meet only want to have sex, or have other partners, or are not suitable. A 59 year old lady I work with shared her frustration at the guys, in their early twenties ,messaging her online genuinely wanting her to their exclusive girlfriend. She said they were clearly nice but passive guys who found women their own age intimidating in some sense. They even said so. And I agree.

My girlfriend (from Eurasian country) said that when one of her 'friends' heard about us she blurted out, upset, "Wha- . . . but I'm better than you.", and then quickly walked it back. This broad is not better than her. She's in great shape, very attractive in terms of face, sexy Italian look, make-up, long hair, feminine magazine cover dress-sense, very successful career; lots of stuff that on a dating 'C.V' make her 'better' than my girlfriend - but that's it. That's all she is. She's got no charm, no sense of humour, no depth, no critical intelligence, no room for silly; and she treats men like objects. Success objects. They have to compliment her 'journey' in order qualify just to audition.

She talks about men and it's no wonder men run. She has zero authentic appreciation of what men are. There's no respect, no treasuring, no adoration - I realise that sounds stupid. I'm talking about that default mode you carry deep down in you. The default setting that wants and worships and fears the male/female being of your desire. It makes no sense in the complicated world of gender issues but it's so deep that it pushes through all of that from time to time.

She's got none of that. Men are either disappointing auditions, clowns who will never have a chance, or oppressive brutes. There is not a screed of uniform appreciation for what men are. And just like a dude who can't appreciate women for what they are, she's doomed.

SHE cannot afford to be as picky as she definitely was when she was younger. She wants a man SO BAD but can't open her heart enough to be goofy around a guy she likes. She is being so picky she steering her ship towards lonliness. It's like the classic story of the guy who ditches his goony friends because he thinks he wants to be around more affluent company, and then finds out that he's lonely amongst them. They're cold and aloof. And he doesn't get to cry laughing with his friends anymore laughing at stupid shit. So he goes back to his friends and learns that he was being ungrateful for WHAT was right in front of him. People who he connects with and who appreciate him and bring out his essential nature. His authentic being.

This lady is like that. She doesn't appreciate WHAT is right in front of her. She thinks she's better than what's right in front of her. And she wants what's right in front of her to embody something else. Something that she thinks is the desirable version of what's right in front of her.

She would be happier if she would be less 'picky'.

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kidink0222 · 2019-06-19T17:17:03+00:00

They think they can. Then again, many average men think the hot blonde is in their league

johnhawkinsbp · 2019-06-20T01:37:50+00:00

Coming from a guy who has been in the dating market in recent years, this seems like a weird thread because the vast majority of the women seem to be saying that they believe their market value has INCREASED as they've gotten older.

That definitely DOES happen to some women. No question about it and MAYBE a lot of women like that are commenting on this thread.

But, in my experience, it's extremely rare. Like, off the top of my head, I can think of one woman I knew from my high school class who was hotter at say 35 than she was at 18 (she lost some weight, her acne went away and she looks at least 10 years younger than she is).

Additionally, as someone who has done some Internet dating, the difference between the average woman on any online dating website in say their mid-twenties and mid-thirties in looks and baggage is astronomical.

So, it makes me wonder whether maybe there is some selection bias going on and the cream of the crop is applying or whether there's a bit of a disconnect here? Because if this were a random sampling of women, there's no chance that a majority of women would actually be better looking in their thirties than in their twenties.

[deleted] · 2019-06-20T03:27:11+00:00

Answering the bonus question: I'm trying to lmao cause I know it's rationally a good move but a part of me really enjoys the single life. Not having to answer anyone's texts, be emotionally vulnerable, living life on my terms only is pretty sweet. Also, as an 18 year old, there's not a lot of guys to lock down. They all wanna play fortnite or they just want to hook up.

[deleted] · 2019-06-21T12:52:23+00:00

People don't get this.

Older women can and are pickier. Why? Because they don't need to be with someone. They have more confidence, they care less about what others think and they are financially and mentally independent.

They're not scared to be alone like younger people are because they've been alone already for periods of their life. They know it's not the end of the world. It can be freeing and invigorating. And they're not really alone if they have friends and family, are they?

So if the question becomes:

compromise to be in a relationship?

or enjoy life with friends and family, not bogged down by a guy they don't want to be with?

They pick the latter every time.

Wouldn't you?

It's not a question of if they can afford to be pickier, it's a question of if they can. And yes. They can and they are.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-06-21T15:54:28+00:00

of course i can afford to be picky. i have the wisdom of a sage and no manlet could bring me down even if he tried.

TheMedsPeds · 2019-06-21T16:48:22+00:00

Fuck yeah, absolutely. You know why? Because all this RP shit at least in my personal experience is bullshit.

The truth is, most guys around 30 aren't looking to date 18 year-olds because they are "young and fertile" or whatever it is you people say. Most people want to date someone kind of around their age so they could like...actually relate to them and they aren't some college freshmen ready to parrtayyyy.

And you know what's great about after being in an LTR since 19 and being freshly widowed at 29? Not a lot of competition.

How many other 29-30 year old women have full time jobs, no kids, houses, aren't fat, don't have ex baggage? NOT MANY. That was what I was like the last time I was single at 19 and I am still that way at 29. However, there were A LOT MORE 19-year-olds that didn't have all of those things I mentioned than there are 29-year-olds.

So in my experience, I am a lot more of a catch to guys my age NOW than I was at 19, so what if I have a few gray hairs and my face isn't as youthful as it was?

MaxwellPancakesMcgee · 2019-06-22T13:25:15+00:00

I can't afford not to be picky. I have every reason to be pickier. Thankfully, I've had a LTR for near a decade that I believe I chose well on.

fostinky · 2019-07-15T02:49:00+00:00

I'm 35(F) single here and here's the rub: I was pretty cute in my 20s, and I still look good and don't have a problem finding dates. But the pool of men as you get older gets smaller and less attractive. Rather than cashing in on my looks, I wish I could go back in time and be receptive to the nice guys I thought were boring. I got involved with an endless loop of unavailable men who had all the qualities I thought were important. The most important thing is if he can do relationships. If he can't doesn't matter how hot, smart, cool, rich, funny he is.
I missed a chance to have more options of quality men that wanted a relationship. I don't think aging looks have kept me single.

lefactorybebe · 2019-06-19T18:53:54+00:00

Idk I'm kind of in the middle, I'm 26 so I'm not far from 30 but I'm not right there either.

I've been in an ltr for 4 years and I guess I'd be pickier now. I was picky to begin with though. I guess I'd care more about their job now, like when I met my bf I didn't give a flying fuck. Now I'd be more picky about that, like maybe a guy who works at Walmart would be a no. That really has more to do with just age than anything though, a 21 year old working some random job is different than a 27 year old doing the same.

But overall the things I'd look for would be the same. I wanted someone kind, caring, funny, and luckily that's exactly what I got. Id still be looking for those same things.

And idk I feel like I'm using my youth just fine. I never even thought about any of that before coming to this sub, that I should be taking advantage of my youth. Like I guess I could go out and get some random finance guy but I have no interest in doing that, I love my bf and think he's damn near perfect.

GridReXX · 2019-06-19T19:12:36+00:00

I’ve always been picky. Though I think “picky” is the wrong terminology. I’ve never been driven by a need to be in a relationship. Relationships are things that happen when you’ve found someone who makes being single not appealing. I also look better now. I don’t look back and think “darn should have married them.”

Title	Older women, do you think you can afford to be as picky as you could be when you were younger?
Author	ColCrin
Upvotes	43
Comments	238
Date	June 19, 2019 5:09 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/c2jp8w/older_women_do_you_think_you_can_afford_to_be_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/older-women-do-you-think-you-can-afford-to-be-as.255219 https://theredarchive.com/post/255219

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