Own Your Shit Weekly - January 26, 2021

good_looking_man · 2021-01-26T14:23:43+00:00

OYS # 18

Me: 47 yrs. Wife: 47 yrs. Married 21 Years. Together 27 years. 2 teenage daughters.

Weight: 195 lbs
Height: 5’11
BP: 235 LBS x 8 reps ~~(Advanced Goal: 230 lbs x 8 reps)~~
Squat: 305.0 LBS x 8 reps ~~(Advanced Goal: 305 lbs x 8 reps)~~
OHP: 150.0 LBS x 8 reps ~~(Advanced Goal: 150 lbs x 8 reps)~~
DL: 345.0 LBS x 8 reps (Advanced Goal: 350 lbs x 8 reps)
Bent-Over Row: 185 lbs x 8 reps ~~(Advanced Goal: 185 x 8 reps)~~

Sidebar: Pretty much everything.

Lifting:

I hit all my original 2021 lift goals except one (Deadlift). I originally thought it would take me until spring or summer to reach these numbers. Over the past month I’ve had a tremendous streak of gains. I’ve been adding 5 or 10 lbs to each workout, and shit still doesn’t feel overwhelmingly heavy like it did during the first 9 months. Something feels different than before. Hard to explain, but kind of feels like my ligaments and bones feel more rock solid overall. Modifying my deadlift height to 8.75 inches definitely made a world of difference.

Diet:

Vertical Diet and Creatine. Stayed the same weight as last week.

Validation:

I caught myself in a strange validation feedback loop last week when I made a comment to Uncle Jerry. In the moment, I felt like I needed to prove myself and change other people’s mind and I wasn’t really listening to what other people were saying. I started thinking about this afterwards. First questioning why do I give a shit? Then questioning why don't I listen more in these moments? This kind of thing has happened with me in the past when it came to shit like politics, etc.

Game:

The horny lady at work grabbed my ass yesterday. I told her that I’d yank her pony tail hard and put her in her place if she did it again. Her response was that I was all talk and no action. I told her you wouldn’t be able to handle my action if I gave it to you. It sounds so fucking cheesy when I’m writing this, but honestly everything I say to her gets a positive reaction. I make fun of her a lot. I even started calling her a little shit and the girl laughs. At this point I feel like I could tell her I was going to rip her head off and shit down her neck and the girl would still laugh.

I started this thing where I’ll walk by some of the other women at work and just look at them and shake my head in disapproval. This started to get many of them to tease me back. This dynamic almost feels like when I used to tease and make fun of girls on the playground in elementary school and then they’d tease me back.

Overall, the initial rush of excitement I got when I started talking and flirting with women is dwindling. At first these experiences felt like I was bungie jumping off a cliff for the first time. However like anything you do over and over, the feeling starts to become normalized.

I think the true test is when the world reopens again and I can convert this new mindset and interact with women in public places the same way I do at work. Like someone said last week, being one of the only guys in an office full of women is like fish in a barrel. Especially when the 1 other guy you work with is fat and ugly. I’ll be curious to see if any of my past demons come out when I’m talking to women in the midst of other competition and distractions. For example, talking to women at the bar when I’m out with my friends. At the end of the day, the thought of doing this no longer frightens me like it used to. This is a good thing.

Kleptos5000 · 2021-01-26T19:12:20+00:00

OYS #4

Age 36 W 36 – Married 17 years. 3 kids

5’9 158lbs 13% BF

Lifts: Squat - 225 3x5 DL - 185 3x10 BP – 165 5x5

READING: I’ve read most of the sidebar twice.

Financial: Closed on a piece of property last week. I bought a house that needs remodeled for $20k. For anyone interested in real estate I highly recommend reading up on the BRRR method. It works.

Physical: Had annual bloodwork done this week. I’m at the lowest weight/bodyfat % I’ve been in 10 years.

Social: Spent time away multiple times this week.

Marriage:

I got hit with another ILYBINILWY speech. I didn’t escalate and mostly fogged it. I don’t think she’s capable of feeling love because of the SSRI’s. She agreed to go to therapy but has made no effort at all to schedule an appointment or to stop taking the medication. This pattern is exactly what happened 5 years ago when she started an SSRI. She even randomly brought home a rescue dog without even discussing it at all. Exact same thing happened 5 years ago right before I got hit with the ILYBINILWY speech. It’s like history is repeating itself. I didn’t put together the connection with the SSRI until I went back and read my journal notes.

I’ve read the post on the ILYBINILWY speech countless times. My turn is over.

I’ve lined up an apartment. I can’t move in until February 20th. I worked with the attorney to create a reasonable offer to buy her out of our assets, pay the mortgage on the house, and pay a small amount of child support. I’m going to wait another week to present the offer to her and discuss our next steps. This is hard. I find myself being depressed, not wanting to eat, etc. I’ve read some posts on TRP about break ups and best I can tell I’ve got a hard 3months – 1 year ahead of me.

JCX_Pulse · 2021-01-26T22:11:57+00:00

01/26/21 OYS #53

34 5’10 185 11% BF Separated

READ: NNMG x3, Subtle Art x2, MMSLP, MAP, 31 Days to Masculinity, SGM, TRM, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, The Unchained Man, The Book of Pook, The Obstacle is the Way, Ultimate Alpha (waste of time), Let Your Inner Alpha Loose, Alpha Male, What Women Want When They Test Men, Find Your Path, Open Her, As you are

READING: No bullshit, I’m not

Lifts:

Daily “strength” workouts. Gyms still closed so I’m working out at home with what I have available to me. I’m going on daily walks and have started my trail runs again. I ordered a suspension trainer and program which should be coming in this week so I can mix things up.

Social:

Not a whole lot. Just texting friends here and there but that’s about it.

Financial/Career:

Have been underwater, almost literally, with an extremely demanding work project for the last month. Finally back to a normal schedule this week after 15 straight days of 12+ hour days. I was completely burned out, but now am able to focus on what I really want: that long overdue promotion. Have meeting with boss tomorrow about other things but I have a plan to bring up my contributions on my last two projects as evidence for why it’s time to move me up.

Financially, I’m just killing it. I’m investing monthly and have an entire 2021 forecast to support my goals. On top of that I’m still working my side business with a goal of 12k this year of income. So far I’m a little behind on that goal based on 1k a month of revenue but that’s because I haven’t had as much time to focus on it as I would like.

Mission/Goals:

Live a free and authentic life.

Divorce:

Court date got pushed due to COVID, however, this shouldn’t interfere with things. I need the ex to get one more item signed, which she is supposed to do tomorrow, and then it’s pretty much up to the court to decide whether or not this shit can be signed, sealed, and closed.

Mental:

It’s been a minute since I’ve been here. The last post I made was pretty pathetic. I was in a shitty spot, feeling sorry for myself and not putting in the effort I needed to. I slipped hard in December, started day drinking because I didn’t see the point in what I was doing in life.

Fortunately for me, my buddy invited me to work out at his home gym and this just snapped me out of everything. I had some clean ass to grass 275lb squats and it just instilled this fire in me again. We worked out maybe 2 more times together in the last 6 weeks, but I have been able to keep the motto of “no zero days” going well for myself despite him going AWOL.

I was rightfully called a pussy for being such a feeble minded bitch. It is disappointing to have slips like this. If I don’t chase excellence everyday, what the fuck am I? So I quit drinking, haven’t had a drink since before new years and will be sober until at least June. I don’t miss drinking, or the fucked up mentality I had that lead me to day drink.

This isn’t motivation talking. This has been nearly a month of consistently hard work to push myself over the hump of being a bitch. There will always be ups and downs in life, and it’s clear I’m not yet strong enough to overcome all those hurdles, but with consistent effort that builds confidence in myself, I will be.

red_koan · 2021-01-26T13:47:54+00:00

OYS 4

33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 204 19% BF Navy.

One rep max: Bench 230 Squat 240 Deadlift 275

Mental

Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, The Moral Animal.

Shit tests. Improving slowly. I’ve ignored a couple of times in response to shitty remarks. A couple of times I’ve gotten requests in a unreasonably angry tone of voice, and I refused and told her I wasn’t helping until she asked in a civilized way. This actually worked.

MAP Reds

My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing.

Oneitis, or stop emotional tunnel vision. I received an insightful comment last week from u/ImpatientZen and as a result I'm tracking a new metric in this section. Part of his advice was that I need to practice game, and step one for me is to break approach anxiety. So, my goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS (i.e. the goal this week on OYS 4 was 4 approaches). Everyone is fair game for game, I’m equal opportunity. The only goal is say something to a stranger. Good morning, comment on the weather, whatever; they can ignore me, be friendly, mace me, or walk away, doesn’t matter. Success is defined based on my action, not their reaction.

This week I did 4. It was not unenjoyable, as it turns out. One was a shy chick that just gave me short answers but lingering eye contact. One was a not shy woman older than me that may have began flirting? (I’m rusty at this). The other was a chick that worked at the grocery store that got flustered and dropped some food on the floor when I walked up to her. The fourth was a dude and we just shared a joke and a laugh about something. Overall this was not the nightmare that my imagination insisted it would be, but it's already hard at work forecasting what a disaster next week is going to be.

Blaming, stop displaying low value, stop being a victim. I was researching boundaries this week and came across the statement that I am not responsible for other people's feelings. This initially seemed like another nail in the nice guy coffin.

But this still doesn't seem right. How can everything in my marriage be all my fault without me being responsible for her feelings? I think the difference is feeling (stimulus) vs response. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. And that space is the dividing line where my responsibility stops. So I’m responsible for stimulus or feelz. I’m not responsible for what she chooses to do next.

I can't make anyone respond in any way except the way they choose. Invert this. Are other people responsible for my response? No. I am. So why would I assume I’m responsible for their response?

People pleasing, stop orbiting. Working through the NMMNG BFA with a group. Working through NMMNG heroes journey exercises on my own. Reading Not Nice for the second time and using it as a daily journal prompt.

I'm tracking another new metric in this section based on advice from u/Tyred_Biggums to stop living for others and a comment from u/ImpatientZen last week that I need to learn to set boundaries. Translating this into beta fuck basic terms, people pleasing is the classic nice guy avoid disapproval/seek approval prime directive, and is the opposite of setting boundaries and living for yourself. So, to break this I’m going to actively seek disapproval. Every week I'm going to have one difficult conversation that I'm fairly confident is going to incite disapproval and force me to hold an opinion and push back on something I don’t agree with.

The point is not to be right. The conversation can go in any direction and I very well may be wrong. Doesn’t matter. The point is to be uncomfortable without flinching, to learn that disagreement is not death, to grow backbone and hold a boundary. This will also be a good way to burn down all the secrets I’ve accrued over my lifetime of nice guy pretense. One thing that is very strong in a nice guy like me is the thought that if they only knew who I really am they would abandon me. Well, I guess they will get their chance now.

Also, in the spirit of not going Rambo, I’m not picking fights with people and intentionally antagonizing them. I just want to be honest for once about what I believe, and I think I have enough awareness to do this diplomatically. So, this week I picked a current hot button political topic and had a lively discussion with an in law. We still disagree, but the point is that I had never told them I disagreed before, and now they know, and I didn’t die (contrary to the prognostication of my nice guy paradigm). I held a boundary at the risk of damaging a relationship and I’m proud of that.

Other MAP reds

Diet. Process goals are five days carnivore and two days fasting. Outcome goal is to lose 1%BF per month this year. I’m on pace for this.

We had family staying with us all week so I just did carnivore five days, no fast days, and two days that reminded me how shitty I feel when I eat a lot of carbs. A lack of discipline in eating damaged sleep which hurt my workouts. It's all connected. How many times do I need to relearn this lesson.

Exercise. PPL split with HIIT. I want at least one PR per lifting day- this week I had 7.

Stop drugging yourself: Caffeine and melatonin are at 0mg. If my sleep metrics don’t normalize I’m going to experiment with low dose melatonin. I plan to add low dose (i.e. below dependence threshold) caffeine back in next month.

Time management. My time management goal is to work efficiently enough to create uninterrupted space in my schedule for focused journaling on something I’m learning here on MRP. Goal is at least one hour per work day; this week I did 6 hours.

Porn/jerking off. None.

Money/career

Annual performance review at work, went well. My boss more or less said that I am an excellent workhorse. A few months ago I would have thought that was great. Now all I can see is how messed up my mindset has been. It’s odd how much my perception of everything has been altered by red pill. Nothing has changed but everything is different.

We hammered out a list of priority projects that will expand my skill set and get exposure to executives. I won't have bandwidth for approval seeking projects this year.

Spiritual/philosophy

One thing I haven’t done is set a mission. I don’t know if this is wrong or not. Right now the only thing I’m clear on is what I don’t want, which is to continue being who I am. I spent some time thinking through the thoughts on frame post by MITW. I'm squarely in Phase 1 of this post, but I do have some of my own beliefs. The problem is essentially that I'm scared to tell anyone, but I'm trying to overcome this. In the people pleasing section under MAP reds above I mentioned I'm trying to seek disapproval by airing my beliefs. The MITW post is partially why- because I think until I have no more secrets, I can never have frame, simply because I can't be congruent and keep secrets. I'd be interested to know if I'm misunderstanding frame here- am I correct that to have frame I can have no secrets?

Relationship

It’s been a rough week, sleep schedule was disrupted several days and we’re both tired. I’m still using the erection test to eliminate initiating for validation. I don’t know how else to tell the difference between sex for validation and sex from desire. Yes, I’m a clueless retard. I can’t trust anything my mind says right now, and have to rely on basic instinct to just starve validation until it's dead. End result was one halfhearted initiation with a semi hard on, rejected; came back later when it was locked and loaded, had sex.

Last night she asked me to put her laundry in the washer while she was sitting on the couch. This is something I normally would have just done, but it occurred to me that I could set a boundary here. I told her I wasn’t her maid and walked off to take a shower. She acted hurt and asked in a low, trembling voice why I couldn’t ever just be nice to her (I had just made dinner for her so this wasn’t exactly accurate). I didn’t know what kind of test that is or if it even was a test, so I just kept walking, even though I felt guilty. I went and stared in the mirror and questioned who I was becoming; I felt like a cruel and selfish person, and wondered whether this is all worth it. Then when I came to bed she initiated. What the hell is happening.

I feel a sort of benevolent indifference towards her in general. Without constantly monitoring for the prospect of fucking, the fucks I give are greatly decreased.

Summary

Career beta, nice guy, anger. My goal for this year is to get through dread levels 1-4, one per quarter, and MAP phase 1-2.

fix-the-man · 2021-01-26T12:30:09+00:00

OYS #12

Stats: 35 M, 5'11", 210 lbs.; Wife 36, 5'0", 100 lbs; 1 kid, 5

Books: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TRM, What a Year of Owning Your Shit Looks Like, Pook, TWOTSM, PFPFTPM, Day Bang, MAP

Lifts: SL 5x5

BP 135 BBR 135 SQ 135 DL 145 OHP 90 2 mile run 1x / wk 5k run

Ran a 5k this week. Just because. I got to the end of my 2 mile run and felt like continuing. Took an extra rest day after that.

Started squats again. Feels good to be doing again. My knee doesn't feel fully healed, so I'm staying light and working back up.

Mental: My uncle died this week, so I went home to pay my respects. Had some concerns about the size of the gathering, but I decided I didn't want that to be a reason I didn't attend a family member's funeral. A few things happened while I was down there that made me think about how changes that I make don't get noticed by people until well after I make them. Not because changes weren't being noticed, but because they were. That's why it's important that I'm doing it for me. Other people won't notice. They're busy with their own shit. If I'm doing any of this for other people, I'm setting myself up for disappointment, and even worse it wouldn't be real mental change. It'd still be doing something for someone else. The what might be different, but the why is the same.

Relationship: I was out of town over the weekend and had a guys night one night as well. I didn't really put much time into this aspect of my life.

One night, I got dressed and left the house. My wife was watching Netflix on her phone rather than coming to spend time with me when I extended an invite. I'm starting to really lose interest in giving my time to a woman who doesn't value it.

When I got back couple hours later, I got some shit about how she finished her show and I should have come got her again. I told her when a woman says she'll call you back and then doesn't, you don't need to call her back. You already know everything you need to know. Then I slept like a baby. She apologized the next day.

I'm doing well on holding frame during these things, but I'm sure there's too much explaining going on. Also, the amount of effort I put into mentally preparing for that conversation is indicative that I give too many fucks still. But I'm taking the win of walking out of the house after I felt I'd waited long enough rather than going back in and asking for her to come grace me with her presence.

Still no fap. 15 weeks. Not sure I need to be counting. I'm thinking it's just not something I do anymore.

I have also stopped looking at porn. Not really intentionally. I never decided to. During most of this time I would still look at nudes on reddit to enjoy the view without masturbating. Right now, I'm just not. No real desire to. Not saying I'm actively quitting. Just something I've noticed isn't really a priority for me anymore.

AlphalfaSprout · 2021-01-26T13:04:32+00:00

OYS #32

Stats

Age 32 Ht 6’0”, Wt 169.0 (-2.2, down from 207 in Jan 2020), BF 15.2% (-0.4), Wife 32 Kids 2 under 7

Reading

NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rational Male, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Pook, Ultimate Texting Guide for Men, Bang, MRP Wiki, Way of the Superior Man, The Enlightened Sex Manual, 48 Laws of Power, Rian Stone’s NMMNG & WISNIFG Youtube Series

Physicality and Health

I continue to lift, play rball and generally continue to make slow, steady gains on lifts following a pretty basic PPL program. I started lifting in late August 2020, and I was pathetically weak then. Just sad. So I really had a lot of climbing to do and still do. I am going to continue to focus on slow steady gains because that’s the only reasonable thing to expect at this point.

My diet is more or less on point. I typically hit about 140g of protein a day, no less. I don’t overeat. I snack maybe twice a week. My weight has kept at about this level for several months without much difficulty. I think I’ve gained a bit of muscle though so overall it’s a net positive. However, I’m starting to realize that the body fat % monitoring on my body scale is basically bullshit. I think all it does is take my height and weight, apply a ratio, and spit out a body fat percentage. I want to be able to actually track my body fat percentage in a more reasonable way. I’m going to call a place that does Bod Pod scanning and start that process. It seems like a fun way to keep track of progress. I’m going to try to get in as soon as possible, then redo the test in 2-3 months to see what sort of progress I am seeing.

GOAL: Continue lifting at least 3 times a week, play rball with buddy, get Bod Pod scanning scheduled.

External Validation, Sex and Porn

Last week, I finally made the mental hurdle to enter what I guess Horns called “Stage 2” of sex for validation from his post the other day. Honestly, this mental switch has caused a tremendous amount of chaos in my mind. I’ve concluded that my entire life has been one big attempt to gain external validation. I’ve come to realize the connections between external validation and sex, and then sex and porn. I wrote in my last OYS that I would stop watching porn. This past week, I did not watch a single second of porn. I am pretty confident that I have not gone a week without looking at porn since I was a teenager. Actually writing that out is eye-opening.

Not watching any porn this entire week has led to several changes in my mind. First, sexual activity has always been used purely for validation. This includes jerking off. I’ve had sex my entire lift to get a dopamine hit that external validation has brought me. When I’m not getting sex, I resort to jerking off to get that hit instead. I do not know how to fuck because I desire my wife’s wet pussy or mouth. I feel less like a man than I have at any time during this journey. And this is during the same week that I face-fucked my wife for the first time in my life (I strongly recommend it).

Coming to these realizations, my mind has rebelled like a crack addict looking for a quick hit. Any sexual interaction has had an extreme form of good-lover validation this week, to the point that I was ruining the moment. I kept trying to get my wife off when all either of us wanted was for me to cum. It was awkward and just not at all what I’ve been doing since I’ve internalized some of these MRP concepts.

GOALS: Have sex for me. Continue not using porn. No validation sex.

rightsided · 2021-01-28T15:01:22+00:00

OYS 54

Me 30y| Wife 34y | 4 Kids (6,4,2, infant)

Squat has drastically improved due to squatting more and focusing on depth, breathing, and form. Squatting 3 plates for sets of 5 with good form, now, and I’m happy to be getting stronger and seeing real results. Depth is an area I still need to improve on. Squatting twice a week, now.

Parenting has become a bit easier since I adjusted my expectations and got realistic about what a six, four, and three-year-old can and cannot do. I’ve also tried to get involved with what they want to do, rather than force what I want to do upon them. For example, when I take my boys to the park, they’re more interested in playing in the sandbox than kicking the soccer ball around. I want to move around and play with them; they’re not very interested in soccer. I have had to get creative and figure out ways to get them to run around and play. One of these ways is mixing what they like to do with what I like to do. Another way is using my big frame, picking them up, spinning them around, chasing them around, etc. I see that they resort to the sandbox, mostly, when I am not actively playing with them.

I’ve been quite busy with studying and researching. So busy that family stuff has taken a backseat. I didn’t heap a bunch of praise and affection on my wife and kids like I mentioned in my previous OYS because I become obsessed with achieving my daily goals and knocking out tasks working towards my mission and purpose. I bought a notebook to begin fleshing out these business ideas and ironing out the details. I’ve been bouncing ideas back and forth with a buddy, but I don’t think he’s ‘qualified’ to tell me something is/is not a good idea. I need to get other believable guys in my circle to get second opinions/further counselling.

My sister-in-law is staying with us for a few days and I’ve noticed some interesting changes in my wife’s behavior. A lot of extra shit tests followed by comfort tests. I’m able to easily walk right through the tests, and I can’t help but to be amused. It’s easy to hold frame now. I’m elated with my progress. My wife tried to guilt me into doing something that would’ve messed up my plans, to which I firmly said “No, I’m going to do X. Next time, ask me well-in-advance.” Her doubling-down and giving me a frowned face no longer works. Now that I no longer put her pussy, mood, etc. On a pedestal, I am free to tell her, “No,” mean it, ngaf, and not be anxious or worried about not getting a smiley face from mommy.

I want to thank myself for the work I put in. I talked about praise earlier and last week, but I suppose I should start by praising myself. I'm still ~~a fuck up~~ making mistakes, learning from those mistakes, and getting back up. I still have ~~less than ideal~~ shitty habits that I’m dealing with. But for the most part, I’ve cleaned the majority of the gunk out of my head and my life. I finally feel like my life has clarity and direction. I am finally getting comfortable with my role as the captain. So, good on me for sticking to the course. Pat-on-the-back speech over. Back to work.

itsunclejerry · 2021-01-26T13:01:09+00:00

OYS #15 Money matters

Stats: 41, wife 34, daughter 3, 5'6", 145lbs, 15% (Navy)

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MAP, MMSLP, The Game

Lift: SQ 150lbs, BP 140lbs, ROW 140lbs, OHP 90lbs, DL 150lbs (resistance bands)

I gained almost 2lbs this week. It is within the 1-2lbs/week range target I set for myself. Exercise routine remained 3x per week. I'm a lot more confident with my physical appearance naked.

I continued practicing to say no on occasions. I might have overdone it. I got another silent treatment for the whole day yesterday because I refused to pick up Amazon delivery from outside. Just another errand that isn't worth my time.

I initiated sex every day whether I feel the urge or not. I still suck at it. Out of seven tries, I closed only one time this week. I took it as a no when she pushed me back or turned away.

On that one closed deal, after getting her aroused. I shoved my dick to her mouth. It didn't feel good when my dick rubbed her teeth. Next time I should let her suck it instead. "Don't cum too fast", she said the same line as before, but this time I tried not to think about it too much. The last time I tried to please her. This time let me please my dick. "Tighten up your grip", I said (this is from one of the comments from last week). I pounded her like there is no tomorrow. This time I found that I can last longer if I pulled my dick out completely to get some fresh air before getting back in. Does dick have lungs? It's in and out like stabbing her pussy to death. "I want us like this forever", she said. Oh, now you can say something new. I lasted about half an hour on that session.

I started to see my wife as a sex object. A walking pussy. This is a big deal to me because now I can't blame her for anything that went wrong in my life. I don't need to see her as a good or bad luck charm. How can a walking pussy has anything to do with my lack of success? I'm responsible for my own behavior.

Beyond the relationship, I worked on my financial situation this week. I went back on reading the MAP. I learned to fix my understanding about money and materials. After being laid off twice, my career is pretty much non existent. It makes me feel like a failure, after all the degrees I obtained, I ended up unemployed. Regardless, I still have to go out there hunting for the gazelles and bring the carcass home. Money matters.

I have been spending more time in trading. I treated it like my full time job. I used to be a buy and hold person. Now I have time to actively managing my accounts. I developed a pre market routine every morning. Checking all the chatters seeking for opportunities. My dick is hard whenever I see gains. Now I understand the stereotype of traders with drugs and hookers. My goal is consistently closing the month by 10%. This month, I gained 12% on my small account and 7% on my retirement account. That doesn't include my current position on gamestop, because it skewed the number by a lot. I have been trading with a lot of caution. I know I can get wrecked at anytime. The market is ruthless. I wrote "Rule #1 Survive" on my board as a reminder to stay on the plan. Never go all in so I can trade again tomorrow. It helped. It particularly is hard when FOMO started to creep in.

There's no career in trading. I don't know how explain it to my friends and family. I'm a leech who took money out of the market for living. Sometimes I don't feel it's right. I feel guilty. But I needed the money. I guess I will stick with this. Like everything else, the hardest part is coming. I got to stay discipline with what works.

Goal until next OYS: Next week is my birthday, I want to give myself something nice. I don't know what yet.

AlohaMaui808 · 2021-01-26T08:33:45+00:00

Huh. Just so happened to be here when this posted.

Keep up the good work, those of you posting every week and early, and pushing yourselves to make internal progress. Thats where the money is.

_Northern_Yeti · 2021-01-26T08:59:14+00:00

OYS 10

6ft, 97kg. 6RMs (kg) - Bench 90, Squat 110, Deadlift 115, Press 57.5. Finished sidebar pre-requisites

Marriage

Current situation: No longer fucking for approval, zero sex drive, do not spend time together (stage 2 of HOA's sex for approval post)

She broke the stalemate one evening by waking me up for sex. I wasn't interested, but my dick was hard so I did it. I think this was an attempt to reset me back to my old self, as in the past I would wake up and treat her nicely, because she 'gave me the gift' of starfish... I did not respond in the expected way, so she came up with a random argument and blew up in a rage. I shut it down, it continued, escalated, I walked away. Escalated again, I left for a few hours.

I thought it was over, and it felt like a main event.... Then later she re-visits the subject and goes fucking apocalyptic. Same routine, shut it down, walk away. Repeat until it escalated so hard I am still in disbelief. Blocking me from leaving, physical abuse, trying to lock me in the house, threatened to call the police, all with my daughter in the house. I came close to going fucking apeshit. I left and did not return for 24 hours.

It felt so far beyond a shit test and like this was her nuking up the marriage, because I did not see a woman that wants to be with me. Perhaps this is a test in pushing it to the edge to see if I will cave in and return to my old self.

I am sstill pretty fucking pissed, so not making any rash decisions or talked to her. STFU for now, actually I can't even be bothered to answer her questions. I am not going to try and convince her that I am now the man on the path I'm meant for, but the invitation to join me is dwindling away pretty fucking quickly after this shit.

To me, it's either one big reset button on how things are going to be from now, or there is no future for us. She's still pissed too so I am leaning more towards the latter, she won't change. If it wasn't for the house and my daughter, I would have disappeared forever.

But right now, action wise, what am I going to do? STFU, keep working out, working hard and studying.

I am still waiting for the emotions to subside before I can clearly reflect on this. Input appreciated.

R288DRO · 2021-01-26T09:30:44+00:00

OYS #7

Age 31, w 222lbs, married 2 years together 8. 1 year old . Easily 30%+ bodyfat.

Reading

NMMNG x 3 WISNIFG WOTSM MMSLP SGM Subtle art of not giving a fuck

Currently listening to WOTSM. Read it a free years ago and don't remember much from it.

Physical

Losing weight. Stomach is flatter and all the blubber around my body is starting to feel soft and less dense.

Plyo push ups when you're over 100kg are some real work too! So enjoying my chest and shoulder workouts recently.

Style

Working on this area still. Going to buy new clothes every month until my wardrobe is sharper.

Mental

Still no porn and no jacking off. The advice HOA wrote about working out until cum squirts out of your eyeballs has really resonated with me. I feel so fucking energised. My mind is constantly on sex at the moment though.

Reading the daily stoic book every morning and really absorbing the things its teaching.

I have a BP friend who is going through some drama with an ex and he's asking me for advice. Told him to read NMMNG. Hope he stumbles across TRP.

Marriage

I've been more playful, more kino, stfu when I've needed to. I've had my first experience of MRP principles working.

Had sex when I initiated and it was ok. Used a small vibe that crapped out so just cave manned her. She pushed me back at one point because I was fucking too hard. More eye contact during sex than usual, holding her by the neck/jaw. Then I started worrying if I went too far. Nope, she cuddled up to me and kept staring in my eyes after. That never happens after sex.

Initiated again, midday - starfish, tried some foreplay to get it going. Nothing. Literally just lay there. Then I stood up and went "yeah I'm not horny anymore" got out of bed and went to my office to carry on working. I know I probably should have cavemanned here, but really didn't want to after that.... got to bed that night and the sex was the best we've had in ages. Hair pulling never goes down well - but no resistance to it.

I know this is just the beginning- so trying to not get too excited about small victories. But seeing it work IRL was insane.

SpareTireBob · 2021-01-26T13:49:51+00:00

OYS #26 – 1-26-21

Stats – 37yo; HT 5’-10”; WT 190 lbs; BF% 14.7% (navy method)

Lifts – DL=275x12, BS=275x6, BP 155x13, OHP=120x7

Relationship - married 11, together 14; 4 kids under age 10

Read – NMMNGx2, The Rational Male Year 1, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TPF, TTGTW, TRP Sidebar, MAP

Currently Reading - The Rational Male Book (65%)

Mindset

This last week has been difficult, but nothing that I haven’t went through before. I felt my confidence wane and a bit of depression set in. The difference now is I have the tools to pull me through. After some reflection, I realized the reason was because I haven’t challenged myself in a few weeks. I’ve had intentions, made goals, but haven’t followed through on any of them. I used the term “complacency” in an OYS post a few weeks ago and that’s still most of it. Over the years I’ve come to find sometimes you need to get to a low point before you take your next steps of growth. Regardless, I’m still here and I’m still working, and that’s exactly what I need to do.

Things I’ve done well

I’ve kept a positive attitude. I’ve continued to look at the bright side. No matter the circumstance, I wake up each morning hopeful for the day. The best part is knowing that I’m responsible for my own positivity and happiness and that I’m in control. There is no one to blame and no one to credit for my wellbeing and attitude.

I’ve maintained a DNGAF attitude with multiple people and situations. I’ve been criticized and tested hard over the last few weeks, at home and at work. My first reaction at times still is to DEER and protect my ego. When I feel that happening, I take a moment, collect my thoughts, and then proceed. Ultimately, I end up feeling like it doesn’t matter and I don’t care – I did the best with the information I had at the time.

Although it’s been a struggle and I haven’t looked forward to working out, I still haven’t missed a schedule lifting or running session since early 2020. As always, once I’m 5 minutes into it I’m happy that I pushed through that mental block and afterwards I still always feel amazing.

Things I’m working on

I’m internalizing the belief that I will not be praised or given validation from anyone for anything I do. Paired along with the fact that I will be criticized often and tested non-stop. I’m mostly OK with that, but when I get to a low point and everything is difficult, it comes up again. I question my worth and my reason for being. This is where my mission comes in. I’ll take some time and re-evaluate my mission and where I want to go.

The few boundaries that I’ve set have been mostly followed. I wonder if there are other boundaries that I should set to make my life easier and to lead my family in the direction that I want to go. Moving forward, I’m going to keep my eyes open areas that need more leadership and direction. This is something I’ve neglected to do to this point in my journey.

I pull a lot of knowledge from the posts here on the OYS, MRP posts, the livestream and discord. A lot of it helps me see my situation from different perspectives. The trouble I have is applying that knowledge to my life in a congruent way. In the beginning I did the retarded thing of copying advice word for word and having my wife look at me like I was some sort of idiot. It simply doesn’t work that way. The challenge is taking that advice I read and making my own mental model off of it, and then applying that to my life in an authentic way. Still a work in progress, but when done correctly it’s effective.

ice_walker · 2021-01-27T07:27:54+00:00

OYS #44

Stats : 46 years, married, two kids together, 2 of mine from previous marriage

Health & Fitness :

Lifting 3-4 times/week, cross-country skiing now in the season

Finances:

On track, been able to save some up on the big kids account for a short trip in February. Probable a cross-country skiing trip as downhill is not as corona-safe.

Mental Models

Again /u/HornsOfApathy gave solid advice, both in his comments and in his Youtube channel. Thanks guys. /u/HornsOfApathy /u/threekindsoflucky /u/weakandsensitive

Internalizing:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l2sd9g/the_mindsetof_a_man_who_fucks/

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/kmnrn6/making_a_change/

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/km5m65/found_mrp_you_do_you_or_why_you_dont_have_frame/

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/kfa1r2/what_is_dominance/

I realized the hard part of changing is sticking with it. I read my own OYS from last week and realized how much my mood fluctuates a.k.a. still weak frame in some aspects. I have way too much internalized the idea that if we have sex, everything is fine, otherwise it's divorce. Have to get out of that and instead focus on the present, where I want to go and how to get there. I have now set three months of leading us to better sex and then reevaluate.

Marriage

One evening after a late dinner I initiate and get a hard no. All fine, no biggie. Day after as I sit and work wife comes over and asks if we can fuck. I say no at first since I'm dealing with a crisis at work (we're both working from home) but then I think "fuck it, the crisis can manage without me for 30 minutes" so we go to the bedroom and fuck. I just go for it and fuck her dominantly, eye contact, focus on D and I in the DEVI this time. Awesome. having a marriage where wife comes and asks to fuck while I am working is great. Afterwards as we dress up she gets very emotional, starts to cry. I comfort her and say something like "any emotion you might have is OK". I get filled with warm and caring feelings for her. After this event, our relation has really improved and I am happy with the state of things. Now recently, since yesterday, she's been falling back more into old patterns so I have to repeat this, and do it consistently.

So next step on the agenda

Fuck wife along the usual pattern : initiate hard, get a hard no, withdraw subtly, then let her come to me.

The Erection Test

Nah.

jaackknives · 2021-01-26T20:27:41+00:00

OYS # 34

34 yo, 6’1”, 190 lbs, 15% BF. Wife 34 yo, 5’8”, 175 lbs. Married 10 years, together 16 years. 1 kid (5). Squat 255x5, Bench 200x3, Deadlift 320x5, OHP 130x4, PClean 185X2.

It has been 2 weeks since my last OYS post.

Reading

Completed WISNIFG, NMMNG x2, MMSL x2, SGM, TRM, MAP x2, Pook, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, TWOTSM, Bigger Leaner Stronger, 48 LOP, Models, Saving a Low Sex Marriage, Bang. Currently reading What Women Want When They Test Men.

Audiobooks: NMMNG, TWOTSM x3, Day Bang, The Art of Seduction, Game by Roosh, Mystery Method. Currently re-listening to parts of NMMNG.

Family / Home

I started spending at least 1/2 hour with my son every night, doing whatever he wants to play. Sometimes we just run almost nonstop in circles racing, playing tag, or hide-and-go-seek. Sometimes he invents games. It’s by far his favorite part of the day.

Prior to this, he would often want me to play throughout the day. I would give up a bit of my time, but mentally I wasn’t all there. Because I was just thinking of how I’ll leave in a couple of minutes and get back to doing what I was doing. But the transition to giving up that block of time and devoting it to him has been tremendous. It’s fun for me, and he knows I’m fully there for him in that moment.

Social

I went out by myself Saturday night, this makes 4 weeks in a row that I’ve been out. I’ve started really enjoying it, and usually end up meeting interesting people. This time I met a guy and his drunk friend in town for the weekend and ended up connecting with this guy better than anyone I’ve met in well over a decade. I’ve seen people on MRP describe others as “bleeding abundance”, and I wasn’t quite sure what that meant until I met this guy. Money, women, sex: everything was abundant to him. We talked a lot about the same things that are discussed on this sub - the guy just seemed like a natural at most of it.

After a couple of hours we headed to a club. Walking in, we knew we were the best looking motherfuckers in the place. Within 5 minutes, two things happened: 1) I ran into a 23 y.o. girl we had met at the previous bar, who quickly puts her number in my phone. 2) A girl who’s probably 21 y.o. & 110 lbs grabs me, spins me around, and starts to kiss me. After I look her over, I don’t hold back. Within minutes I’ve got her pinned up against the wall, making out intensely.

The significant thing about the encounter was that, perhaps for the first time ever, I REALLY felt the strong masculine/feminine polarity. For the first time in over 15 years I had my hands around a tiny little waist. And at times with her I WAS dominant. Not like when I’ve been with my wife and I was TRYING to be dominant. This time it flowed out of me, pulling her hair, etc and getting the reactions I’d only read about.

A bit later when we were on the dance floor, I remember just looking around and seeing ALL THESE WOMEN. Everywhere. Fuck. Good looking girls, girls in their 20’s. All over the place, and a number of them hovering around us. It truly was an awakening moment, even though I was only seeing something that has been there the entire time.

I was out pretty late and started to get calls from my wife when I was on my way home. Dread hit the fan, though that was never my goal when heading out. I gave short answers when I got home and crawled right into bed. Wife was furious, said she “doesn’t even know who I am anymore” and stormed off to sleep on the couch. K.

Hypergamy Kicks In

I smoothed things over later the next day. The hamster had run wild and I had to assure my wife that I was not, in fact, out having an affair. Everything became a comfort test for the next few days.

Later that week I notice my wife is suddenly gone from the house one day. I get a long text from her, asking who <girl name> was and why I have a bunch of text history with her on my phone. I knew this moment would come sooner or later, but my chest about exploded for the first minute regardless. I replied that <name> was someone I talk to at the gym, and that we would talk about it when she got home. I didn’t respond to the subsequent message and accusations. I read through the text history. I considered deleting some of the messages, but decided to just leave them.

While waiting for my wife to come home I was a bit panicky at times, but after a while reminded myself that whatever happened, I would be OK. I’ll deal with it, and deal with the consequences. If being at the club had shown me anything, it was that women were everywhere. This helped to calm me down.

I talked to my wife about it that evening after putting our son to bed.

Yes, <name> is someone I talk to at the gym. I talk to a bunch of people at the gym.

Sure, you can read the text history.

Yeah, I suppose a few of the messages from her are a bit flirty.

Yeah, <name> is married.

I fought off a lot of my typical emotions that tell me I’ve “done something wrong” when my wife is upset. I’m not going to pretend that the conversation was all in my frame or anything, but I kept a calm composure throughout. Provided comfort when I needed to. I didn’t apologize for anything and didn’t offer to change anything.

I had planned to go to the gym the next morning. From the texts, wife knew <name> might be there as well. The nice guy in me initially wanted to alter my plans and skip the gym visit to help smooth things over. I rejected these thoughts and went in as I had planned.

Wife seemed surprisingly pleasant the next couple of days and it hasn’t come up since.

Sex & Initiating

Yesterday was three days after the text message conversation. Peak of shark week. I was making my lunch and I decided to game my wife a bit. Kissing escalated, and with HoA’s recent post on initiating on my mind, I grabbed my wife’s hand and led her to the bed. I continued escalating, pushed through LMR (no, I don’t have to get back to work), and before I knew it my wife’s mouth is around my cock. Afternoon sex of any sort has never been a thing in our relationship, and BJ's have been very rare.

By the evening, I was already being teased about getting it again the next day. I initiated that evening, was kissed passionately back, pulled out my cock and received a HJ.

I just got back from lunch today. Went to game my wife a bit. Kissing escalated, then I was asked “What would you like today?”. I got blown again in a fun new position, with some light facefucking.

I’ve had a lot of doubts over 34 weeks of OYS. I believed the process, but not my wife. Not this woman. Well fuck.

aussie_darrow · 2021-01-26T10:17:09+00:00

OYS #3

Age: 47
Wife 46, Married 10 years, Separated 6 months.
Height: 6', 211 lbs, 22.3% BF (scales) 25% BF (navy).
Kids; 11yo daughter from prior LTR, 20yo stepson.
Lifts: SQ 3 x 220 lbs, BP 3 x 181lbs, DL 3 x 264 lbs, OP 3 x 115 lbs
Read: NMMNG, Unchained Male
Reading: 48LOP, RM, The Unplugged Alpha, Why We Sleep, Mindful Attraction Plan

Mission:

Unfuck myself. I don’t have a resolved mission yet.

Background:

I walked out of my marriage in a red pill rage in July. I have my daughter from a prior LTR and I have 100% custody. My property is now legally separated and I can apply for a divorce in 6 months.

Fitness / Hobbies:

The plan is to have 3 gym sessions per week and 3 martial arts sessions per week. Managed 2 of each due to some deadlines in the office and the firearms course I did on Saturday. Making steady gains on my lifts with the trainer. Bought a weight belt and hand straps.

I completed the firearms course and am able to apply for a firearms licence.

I got the T blood work done and am waiting on the results.

Action: Train/lift 6 days a week. Eat clean 7 days a week. Get the results of the T check.

Career:

I own a small software consultancy and co-own another small SAAS business. I’ve been hands-on the past couple of weeks to give a project a bit of a push. I have been working some big hours of late.

I had the fire an employee due to poor performance which weighed heavily on me, particularly as that employee will likely have to return to a troubled country as a result.

Finance:

Waiting on the bank for a pre-approval for a loan for my primary residence. The bank employees are straight up incompetent.

Action: Save a deposit for a primary residence.

Fatherhood:

Going pretty well. My daughter started high school yesterday. The interpersonal dynamics of 11 yo girls at a girls school are terrifying. I could see the fear in my daughter's eyes when they were gathering for orientation. Broke my heart. She seemed a bit more upbeat at the end of the day.

Action: Be more mentally present. Manage my moods better.

Relationship:

I ended whatever was left of my relationship with my wife tonight. She didn’t take it well.

Online Dating:

I haven’t dated since I met my wife 12 or so years ago and haven’t used any of the modern dating apps. I’ll familiarise myself with them tonight.

There’s something in the back of my head that’s saying “Give it a few months, gain some muscle, lose some fat, read some books, clear my head, get on top of work, buy a house, etc” before I dive back into dealing with women and dating. I’m struggling to imagine how I’d fit dating in around work, martial arts, gym and being a full-time/custody father. I guess I’ll find out. That said, some pussy would be nice...

Social:

I did a firearms course on Saturday with my brother where I was pushing to be more social. I also hosted an Australian Day get together today at my place.

Action: Keep talking to people.

Self:

I haven’t had a lot of time for self-reflection the last couple of weeks. I have been more purposeful around being selfish. I’m looking at situations and thinking “What is the best for me? What do I want?” and pushing ahead with the outcome that’s best for me. This has led to me pulling the trigger on some very difficult decisions I’d been avoiding.

thenextme2020 · 2021-01-29T07:12:01+00:00

OYS #5

Late by 2 days. Was too busy having pointless fights with my wife to own my shit. Not an excuse at all. I didn't prioritize OYS on Tuesday and I should have.

Mid 30’s / 6ft / 170lb

Married: 10 years / Children: 1 toddler, 1 infant.

Mission

I don’t know what my mission is yet. For the moment, my mission is to find my inner compass and rebuild myself starting from there.

Reading

Still re-reading WISNIFG.

Fitness/Diet

I got feedback last week that I’m not lifting heavy enough. I'm going to order an olympic barbell, weights, and a rack this week. Just need to clear out my garage to make room for it. Here are my stats from this past week while I work on acquiring the right equipment.

Chest/Triceps on 3x per week. Shoulders, Biceps and Back the other 3. Legs on day 7 - typically some kind of 30m routine involving lunges and deadlifts with dumbells.
Flat Chest Press: Dumbells, 80lb total, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Incline Chest Press: Dumbells, 80lb total, 4 sets, 15 reps.
Tricep extensions: 15lb dumbells. 6 sets each arm 15 reps.
Shoulder press: 30lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Narrow Row: 20lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Wide Row: 20lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Shrugs: 20lbs dumbells, 3 sets, 10 reps
Reverse Flys: 15lb dumbells, 6 sets, 10 reps
Y’s: 10lbs dumbells, 6 sets, 10 reps

Mental/Mindset

I found very little peace this past week. I’m not making time for it. I need to get up earlier so I can have more time for myself. I get down on myself and my internal critic takes control sometimes. Especially when things on the outside aren’t going my way or I can’t control them. I have an intense need to control. I want my wife to act a certain way, I want my kids to act a certain way, I want my colleagues to act a certain way. This is unhealthy futile thinking. I can’t WANT them into being what I like. I have to change myself and they will respond accordingly. I noticed this last week how easily I get triggered by things. Small things even. I can take the most benign thing and hear it as criticism. This comes from my childhood. I was criticized a lot. Judged a lot. I end up recreating this dynamic in my relationships where I almost invite the judgement and critique. It’s like I need it to feel normal. It’s as if I’m so used to negative attention that I seek it out. Positive attention and compliments fuck me up. They feel nice, but I don’t know what to do with them. There are times I want to give up on this shit - but I know that I can’t. I’m either all in on the mission to be my best self and find my compass or I’m not.

Relationship

As I said earlier, I’m easily triggered. Earlier this week my wife criticized me for saying I’d help with dinner, and then being late and essentially not helping. She told me that “I never believe anything you say, I never have”. This cut deep especially since I’m trying to build trust and credibility with her. I snapped. I couldn’t control my emotions and immediately said, “Well what, do you want a fucking divorce then?”. In the moment, I didn’t regret saying it. I’m tired of her criticism. I’m tired of the frequency of her pointing out my shortcomings, and doing it in a bitchy way. I later realize that I said this in front of my toddler. I regret not keeping my composure and not showing my anger in front of my wife and kid. I regret saying the d-word in front of my kid. I shouldn’t have said it to my wife either, but sometimes she acts so disinterested in me I honestly wonder if that’s what SHE secretly wants and can’t say it. I quickly find out that isn’t the case. She cries during dinner, and then for 1 hour in the bathroom. We end up emotionally distant and non-intimate for a few days. Yesterday, we’re having conversation, and she compares me to my brother in-law in a not so flattering way. He’s enmeshed and codependent with his family. I used to be too, but I’ve worked hard to fix that shit. In short, she shat on my family and told me that they’ve never loved me or been proud of me. My family has been far from perfect, and often shitty, but I disagree with her characterization, and I said so. The problem is I blew my top and started getting angry and defensive. I quickly composed myself, but by then my wife blew her top too. I won’t get into it all, but we have in-law issues. We end up fighting for 30 minutes (why did I not walk away?) and by the end of it she’s hysterical and in tears saying, “I could go out and be with someone else, they’d probably treat me better, but I don’t want anyone else, I want you, I believe in you, and I want you to be that strong man for me” And something kinda clicked. It’s all on me to be someone worthy of love, confidence and respect. She still doesn’t see it, and it’s because I’m still not that guy. Not only because she says so, but because I know so. Lots of work to do still, and it begins with me SHUTTING THE FUCK UP and lifting. And not getting pulled into stupid ass fights and because I’m feeling sensitive and defensive. It doesn’t matter how much muscle I put on if I end up acting like a bitch. This causes major regressions in my relationship. Oddly, I’m still proud that I stood my ground and stayed relatively calm for most of it, repeatedly asserting my POV throughout the fight. WISNIFG shit works. I just need to work on calming myself at the start when I get triggered and getting to my calm, clear, rational place faster.

Social

Did nothing social this week. No excuses.

Career

Killing it at work but disappeared mentally and physically from my family for like 3 days working like crazy in my office. This isn’t sustainable and it’s bad for my mental health.

Financial

Doing the taxes and started investing in stocks.

Family

Nothing of note here.

Near-term Goals

Lift.

STFU.

Don’t engage during shit tests.

Talk to more people in public and actually call a friend.

Stop asking for permission for everything and do what I want.

ImpatientZen · 2021-01-26T11:41:43+00:00

OYS #35

40s married, kid. Usual stuff sorted.

Health

I got a planned medical procedure done this week after having put it off for way too long. This was good. I was reckless about meds and triggered a chronic condition I have. This was bad. Worst case can end up with hospitalization and all kinds of complications. I am prone to compounding the fuckup when this happens by trying to just get by. So I made a plan. One for lifting/diet. One for medical. Next week I will have begun implementing both. Until then, rest is paramount so I will cut myself some slack and just lounge around as much as I can stand. And the next time I feel tempted to cut corners in managing my condition I will punch myself in the dick in stead.

Game and sex

Tried to turn the attention and affection at home post-procedure sexual. It was received well enough, yet the result was lackluster. At least my intuition was to go there, in stead of wallowing in comfort shit I don’t care about.

Fucked once. I can’t word this without sounding like some Bullshit Bingo LARPing little shit. Maybe I am. But I felt a genuine desire to lead my woman to pleasing me, including by dominating and fucking her. Not the weird disconnected, Covert Contract, obligated, checked out duty fucking I so often get into, but a deep, genuine desire that felt... generous somehow. So I did. Nothing elaborate, no crazy toys, sex acts, positions. Not even a particularly long session (also as per the procedure), but I expressed myself, was present and did some kinky Dominant shit we both enjoyed. Felt a connection that has been missing (way) too often. Made sure to praise during and afterwards. One small step to fucking how I want to fuck.

I am starting to understand that the sex partner I chose is essentially a shy, sexually repressed teenager. It feels more intuitive to act accordingly.

Work

An opportunity has come up. It is high-risk and will mean upending my life. I felt scared and apprehensive. I realized it was because I "should" stay in my current position where others depend on me. Managed to work past that and look at what is best for me. So I decided to go for it. It feels right. It would be a huge step that takes me to a whole new league if I manage it. I am not on the short-list for it currently and others are. But I have a unique skillset that gives me a shot. Corporate politics usually win out, but I will throw my hat in the ring.

Concrete action is getting all the stuff processed and all contacts activated this week. First and most important step was getting my SVP to sponsor my application. He is not happy to lose me, but has the integrity to not stand in my way.

It is a long-shot, but worst case I stay where I am and have plenty of room to grow, while having raised my profile with some important people. Best case my life is about to get 1000% more interesting.

Reading

Out of it as per the medical shit. Was able to listen so still working on mindset with Rians videos. Found it an easier way to get through Manipulated Man, though I will finish the read as well eventually.

To-do’s:

Take care of health.

Have fun with sex and game - praise more.

Be “selfish” and polarizing.

boringstupiduseless · 2021-01-26T16:54:07+00:00

25 January 2021

OYS#3

Me 32, Wife 35, Married/Together 6, Two kids under 5

72 KG, 170cm; Back doing M&S 5-Day split in the gym this week now the lockdowns have eased. Purchased and have taken all supplements daily; tracking all food intake.

Per my goal to get a trainer: timezones delayed speaking to the coach I want to work with until tonight. Have been tracking meals now for nearly a week and just getting used to My Fitness Pal. Good news is I am under-eating (this is an easier problem for me to solve), and am starting to pay attention to common foods I eat and their macro values.

Beyond:

My wife has had intermittent healthy issues for nearly a year. It’s an obvious hormone issue that I told her time and again to see the doc. She hates the doctor and never called or went. It became a negative undercurrent, and also got in the way of us having sex.

Two days ago, I called her and said: “I already called the hospital. OB/GYN is in on Sundays. Order the kids dinner now and I’ll be home to feed them handle the routine. You’re going to see the doctor.”

She ordered the food. Kids and I had a blast. She went. Hormone issue. Elevated sugar. And a few other small issues that could become big issues if she doesn’t make changes now. She was shaken by this and sought physical comfort (very rare from her). Also thanked me for forcing her to go. She will return to keto to stabilise and then low-carb / healthier. This also supports my goals (though I won’t follow keto). The next day was the first time we’ve ever had a supportive conversation about my diet goals/her required inputs from shopping, cooking, schedule, etc.

I realise I had a covert contract she would help, and was explicit about what I expect and how I will lead the process by being organised with my meal plan.

Lesson: so many other issues I treat by suggesting she take action. Instead, I need to take action and not ask her to, but delegate/tell her to. Captain’ing 101 FFS.

Second, we have been approved to move back to her country/special COVID clearance. This will require a shotgun month for us to close down shop here, sell off our shit, and also quarantine with two small kids for a few weeks once we arrive in a single hotel room. Then, it’s a lot of family time, moving to a new city, new home, new school, etc.

High potential for chaos but I am pumped up. Challenge level 1,000. I can't wait to manage the F out of this entire process. I am so clear on what I want and am already making it happen.

So far, I’ve OYS by handling it all and delegating work to her to confirm in local language my understanding from English. I also told her that even though we’re again going to be in her country, I am going to continue handling all the household bills, school, negotiations, etc. like I have {here} and do not expect her to do more, except when language is necessary I will ask her to be involved.

She was kinda amazed when I said this and I could tell…happy/relieved.

I also explicitly set the expectation that she needs to translate important conversations for me when I ask. In the past this was a huge covert contract and issue in our marriage; she would handle official conversations and not translate back for me. Sometimes not even cliff notes. I hated it; I would be standing there like a little bitch, fuming and she just wouldn't care. So many arguments and no change.

She is a talented businesswoman, but..from now on the captain has to know what he wants to know. That's all there is to it and it will be enforced. Now that it's explicit, I feel empowered to enforce it.

Lesson: When we got married we moved to her country. I naturally deferred to her on many things I had been OYS for when I was single, simply because it was more efficient (her country, very different than mine, language barrier).

That’s the lie - “efficiency” - I tell myself. Truth is, I didn’t “let” her handle it; I was a bad captain and she had to handle it. I’d just zone out or not pay attention, just thinking “I go to work and earn, she manages. 50/50!” So she was handling everything.

…Cue the marriage derailing and me eventually finding MRP.

This time, fuck it all. I’m learning from the past:

-I will proactively manage everything there as I've done here; whether she’s local or not, it’s my family to lead

-Language classes from the time we arrive. It’s time I master her language/the local language as much as I have others. I want to note that I am not doing this for her; she’s never been supportive of my language studies. Instead, it’s responsible to do when you live in another country and plan to long-term. I want to show my kids how I do it/encourage their mother tongue, and having language skills is a strong frame professionally and personally to be in/its a very weak frame to move in and out of when you don’t have it. This is especially so when most foreigners don’t have them. Being “that guy” can open a lot of doors professionally and sexually (it's an attractive skill in these parts as a total power move). These reasons motivate me more than before when I was doing it to show her I cared. Weak shit!

Finally: I have returned to the very first posts in MRP I read and instead of taking notes, am taking action.

I agree 200% with this post that dread per the espoused formula is really a dancing monkey.

My goal right now isn't sexual. It's frame. And because I don’t have frame, I don’t pushback, don’t have a social life, walk on eggshells, etc.

So, my entire focus for now will shift to observing frame in action in all facets of life, and starting to course correct as I can.

For example, I passed two of five shit tests I recognised this week. It’s not a good percentage, but even recognising 5 is 100% more than I took note of last week. For the three I didn’t pass, I just paid attention to how I felt about (a) doing what she asked/said, and (b) how I felt when I considered not doing it. Same for when I do something that is in her frame (like showing the kids unasked when I don’t want to/not asking her to handle one). For the two I passed by ignoring her or saying no: I felt great. The world didn’t collapse. Even if there had been a fight, it was small shit and who cares.

Same thing at work. I am paying greater attention to how my frame is influencing my team and how that feels so I can begin actively channelling that natural authority to the house.

Goals by next week:

-Pass more shit tests/take note of all; review fogging and negative inquiry.

-Create outline of a day by day plan for quarantine and assign clear tasks to co-captain.

Behaviours to stop immediately:

-Talking about work with at home. Business is an area we connected in the past, but...I'm doing to it to be told I'm a good boy. Be attractive and more interesting instead.

-BSU

SufficientNorth- · 2021-01-26T08:39:48+00:00

OYS #4

Stats: 26 years, 5’7”, 185lbs. BF I am unsure about because I’ve had a crap diet most of the week and my stomach is noticeably bigger (bloated) already.

Recent lifts: BP: 205x5, front squat: 185x5, barbell row: 185x6, OHP: 135x2

I got the call last Tuesday morning to leave on short notice for the entire week. Been on the road the whole week, on planes constantly.

Health - only got three workouts in this week due to constant flying/traveling and subsequently my diet was mostly dog shit. No excuses here, I should have been prepared better for the traveling as far as packing better food. This week I’m introducing some HIIT workouts after lifting to get my BF in check. Probably 2-3 times per week from now on.

Relationship - traveling and communicating with the lady has always been my #1 WORST thing to deal with. This is 100% because I have not properly learned how to deal with shitty attitudes, shitty comfort tests and her jealousy, especially* while I’m on the road. Part of this is also that most of our communication is through text while I’m traveling. Often times I am overseas and I can’t always call between time differences and work schedules. Until the point of discovering this sub and the sidebar I never took ownership of how I* handle her emotions, I failed to lead, and I was super defensive about every little thing. With that being said: - this week was mostly chill and I felt much more patient in dealing with the tests. Some shit tests, some comfort tests. Telling myself “don’t be defensive” and fogging deescalated things easily enough usually but I’m having some difficulty with specific ones, such as: - “So there were lots of hot girls in the gym with you?” I am notoriously bad at this one and feel like I fail the test no matter what. I usually just say “nah” and change the subject. - I do much better with comfort tests. Learning/practicing some basic fogging has been a game changer. I feel like I am becoming better at leading the conversation in a more positive direction when I get the “I miss you”s and “I’m so tired of you being gone”s

I am definitely still “consciously incompetent” in the department of dealing with tests. However, this week overall was not bad despite traveling, which is almost always a bad time relationship-wise.

Personal growth - I read quite a bit about stopping porn, from HOA’s post and Blarg’s post, as well as other older posts in this sub, and this is definitely something that I need to incorporate. When I’m on the road this is difficult, but once I read the posts I decided it’s time to cut the shit. Thank you guys for the wake up call posts. What really dialed it in for me was the part in Blarg’s “they can smell it”. - Reading a lot of the old posts in this sub from blue pill professor, jack of ten hearts, HOA, and others. There is an abundance of info on here. My favorite read this week was a post from BarracudaRP about not talking about your goals so much, you’re less likely to complete them when you’ve already gotten a dopamine hit from talking about it or over sharing your progress. I talk too fucking much for sure at times, especially with people I respect (over-valuing their opinions probably) so this was advice I needed.

Professional development - Not much here this week while on the road. Schoolwork and work.

Preparedness - No Jiu Jitsu while traveling.

W4king-Up · 2021-01-26T09:24:24+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l0fpkl/own_your_shit_weekly_january_19_2021/gjteksu/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

OYS #2 (new username to not get confused with another poster)

Reading

NMMNG x 2, WISNIFG, WOTSM, MMSL x 2, MMSLP. Currently listening to the rational male, third book already finished listening to the first two. Wouldn't say any of it is new but more reconfirms things I already know.

Physical

Weight still hovering a round 78kg, 77.8kg this morning (two week average down 2kg from start of cut). Target is 10% bodyfat before bulking.

I was called out on making excuses about the gyms being closed last week and being stuck with light weights. After admitting I could do more I got chatting to my mate, who has now given me a key to his house to use his gym when ever I want. Will go 3 times this week, no excuses.

Diet has always been an area I struggle with, so I need to build an actual diet plan of foods I can eat and stick to it.

Social

Bit less this week, met up with a few friends for a bit but not much interesting.

Family

Took my son on a long (for him) bike ride, over some interesting/difficult ground this week. He was so proud of himself when he realised he had done over 10 miles.

Mental

This time on my own I'm realising how much I relied on my partner for happiness or would do things that would make her happy, even if that wasn't what I wanted. Spent the last few weeks just doing what I wanted and feeling better for it. Wake up and just doing what I want when I want, within limits of lockdown.

I feel I have grown mentally more in the last few weeks then I did over the last 6 months of being here lurking. Yes I could pass shit tests, yes I can game with teasing, flirting, etc. But ultimately I was still operating in her frame. Ensuring she was happy was my ultimate goal. Even MRP was a covert contract, I was a dancing monkey. This mental frame still isn't completely dead inside me but I'm killing it, whilst building my own frame.

The news that quarantine hotels being a requirement after travelling abroad from the UK hit me quite hard mentally. Travelling is one of my favourite things to do, this being taken away was a blow. However this is out of my control so no more mental energy will be spent worrying about it, the UK has some nice places to visit and nice weather isn't to far away.

Relationship

Not much to report really, she's still at her parents and I'm led to believe they've made it a me or them decision for her...

So I've taken that as a this is over, move on and get on with life, which I have been doing. Funnily enough the more I just get on with life, the more random text messages or "checking up on me" seems to happen.

I would be lying to myself and everyone here if I said I'm not quite liking this, ego/validation, which I know I need to kill.

Noticing other women is something I hadn't really done for so long, bad case of oneitis, but recently I notice hot women every where (quitting porn may also be behind this).

DirtyNuke · 2021-01-26T12:13:26+00:00

OYS 77

Age 65 Ht 5'11" Wt 180 Wife 67 Married 44 Together 47

Physical: Got my lifts back to where they are supposed to be. Hopefully last week's lapse was a one time thing. Question for you kids: why do people go to the gym and then sit in their running cars for an hour messing with their phones? Or go in the gym and just literally sit for an hour messing with their phones, not even a single rep? Better that than get in my way or worse, or cough on me I guess, but why not just stay home?

Reading / Reflecting on TWOTSM

Eye contact game - In a turnabout, two women made eye contact with me. I was busy looking for something, looked up and noticed they were looking at me. I gave a "hi" or "how is it going" and did not get any response after that. Didn't think to wink. I am practicing winking, trying to reduce how demented I look.

Finally got a shit test! Or perhaps, finally recognized one. Over the past few months I have been able to get out of my own head during sex. I had stopped "planning", counting, scoring, etc and was just "doing" in the moment.

Then the other day when I went downstairs for more water she says "what's the deal with smacking my butt?" "I just feel like doing it" "Well, lucky for you it doesn't hurt" at which point I STFU and get back to my next meeting.

Of course I immediately thought of a dozen different things I could have said and done to escalate polarity. My excuse is I had let my "situational awareness" lapse - I was in work-mode (anti-polarity) and was ambushed. I need to practice and improve my context switching.

I also need to make a point to get back to consciously pushing polarity. Slacking into thinking I had unconscious mastery is like thinking I no longer needed to do squats because I walk up the stairs every day.

Sunday morning while rassling around she was playing hard to get and pretended to get up to get dressed: "Give me a reason to stay." I took that as "desire to be desired" but later my autistic brain latched on to that to realize those six words summarized our entire life together. Not anything I didn't already know, but nice and succinct.

Trondheim77 · 2021-01-26T14:04:50+00:00

OYS#27 38, wife 36, together 17 years, two toddlers

Haven't posted in a while. Got sick just before christmas. Couldn't work out and messed up my diet. Broke my months long nofap streak (couln't fuck while sick, so why not watch porn every day, right?) . Succumbed to playing video games for the first time in at least six months. Didn't lead. DEERed more than usual. Total failure on all fronts. Being The Man is a state of mind built upon many factors you value in yourself. If one of these factors start to weaken, you better hold on to the other ones or your state of mind will quickly end up in the gutter, and you with it. I'm not sure how to avoid this downward spiral once one of the "pillars" of being The Man starts to fail. Discipline is the only answer I can come up with, and I totally failed in that regard this time.

FITNESS 6'1, 180lbs, BF 20% (skinny fuck with love handles). Squat 5x5 195lbs Deadlift 1x5 285lbs Bench 5x5 155lbs Press 5x5 105lbs Row 5x5 165lbs

I'm finally back in the saddle this week after over a month of this assfaggottery. Body is wrecked after weeks of inactivity, so I start slow with the workouts. Diet has been back on point for a couple of weeks.

RELATIONSHIP Shit tests has gone up since I dropped the ball. Maybe wifey got as frustrated over my fumble as I was. Maybe the testing is on a constant level and it's just me shooting them down easier when I'm not in "weak fuck" mode. This last week I have been more on point with shutting the fuck up, saying no, and some light AM.

PiV has been pretty frequent this last week. I'm starting to get the hang of the Dominance and Emotion parts of SGM. Feels a bit wierd doing both at the same time, but it seems the author's right. It doesn't matter if your dirty talk makes sense, just do it. I haven't quite figured out yet what the Immersion part means, but I have a feeling dirty talking helps with getting there. It's like taking the initiative in bed and dragging her into your frame with your words and actions combined as long as you don't get self-conciousness or passive about it. I'm no expert but it might be the most obvious example of having her in my frame that I have experienced this far. Maybe I'm on the right path towards that Immersion stuff.

I'm still pretty weak on the initiations. It's mostly me constantly flirting and groping her, and then she decides when it's time for fucking. It's become a lot better since I found MRP, but I need to do better here. Being dominant in the actual sack doesn't make as much sense if you're not the one taking the initiative for making the bang happen in the first place.

NowEntertheArena · 2021-01-26T16:57:49+00:00

OYS 13

Age 40. Married/together 19 years. 3 kids.

Physical - 5’ 9” 207 lbs. Body Fat 23%(navy method)

Lifts - DL 1x5 @ 345lbs, SQ- 3x5 275 lbs, BP 3x3 @ 240lbs, OHP 4x3 @ 135lbs, BR 3x5 190 lbs

Read -NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TMAP, 16 Commandments, Book of Pook, A River Runs Through It, Atomic Habits, TWOTSM, Leaner Faster Stronger, TRM, SGM, The Unchained Man

Reading -48 Laws, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Bang

Rereading - NMMNG (exercise 24)

EGO-

My ego has been keeping me from progressing. My ego is just gargantuan. I realized after reading this article - https://alexdanco.com/2019/04/28/secrets-about-people-a-short-and-dangerous-introduction-to-rene-girard/comment-page-1/.

It was so illuminating, I realized I just don’t have a fucking clue about anything. Kind of put me back in my place. I was of the opinion I was starting to make my own decisions last OYS, and I have realized I just didn’t want to listen to anyone else’s story or advice because my ego was being attacked.

My ego is so absurd I can’t even tell what I truly want out of life. Anytime someone asks, “What do you want?” I can’t answer without my ego clouding my judgement. The status of what I want/who I want to be is so strong I’m completely lost. So for example, I might answer, I want to be a writer/painter/ceo, but I don’t actually like writing/painting/or managing a company. The status of who I am is more important that what I actually enjoy and that need for significance and external validation is so potent I’ve become so separated from my own desires I don’t know what they are.

I had a father in law that used to make and refinish old furniture. I’ve never wanted to do that because the idea that I was just a normal guy doing normal things was never enough. I wanted to be a guy who did grand and great things, ie, write a bestseller, paint a masterpiece, write a song, be the owner of a startup, etc. It wasn’t that I actually wanted to DO those things, but rather BE a person who did those things for the STATUS and ego boost. But I haven’t actually DONE anything. Because my ego doesn’t want to fail, doesn’t want to know I’m just a normal guy who isn’t special.

I’m not sure how to kill off the ego. I’m meditating everyday. I’m back to reading the sidebar. I’m back to counting calories and losing weight since I can admit I’m still fat. I’m lifting heavy for me.

I want to try and stay so present that I can identify whether I am doing an activity for the joy of it or the status of the thing.

SEX-

This might be the least ego-y area for me right now. There is so much good advice at MRP about validation through sex that I’ve been able to ask myself if I am pushing for something I truly desire or want to experiment with or if I’m pushing because all the other MRP guys get this act/hole/etc.

BUT-

I was not watching porn or masturbating after starting OYS and since stopping OYS I’ve started up again. I’m traveling alot right now and I’m masturbating while gone and that is killing off my desire. I read Horns post and I’m done with that. I’m going to replace that with almost anything. When I gave up drinking a year ago I would allow myself to drink or eat almost anything without judgement as long as it wasn’t alcohol. It worked for me, and once I stopped drinking alcohol completely I was able to cut out alot of the eating and drinking crap, but I had to do it back then to quit alcohol. If I’m traveling and want to jack off I’ll allow myself to watch TV, read, lift, get on a treadmill, anything really besides jacking off. That’s my current strategy to stop. I’ll take advice on other ideas.

Goals-

Back to STFU, lifting, and reading sidebar and getting chewed out for being fat.

Goals this week are going to stay simple-

Read a chapter of NMMNG and DO the exercise.

STFU

No porn or fap.

HornsOfApathy · 2021-01-26T17:46:08+00:00

[deleted]

TheDatsyukian · 2021-01-26T18:46:50+00:00

OYS 13

single 24 209 lbs 15% bf

I'm mostly reading WISNFG and TWOTSM right now on audible.

I think I was burnt out this week and I can see why.

During the first half of the week, I was starting to wonder what happened to my energy. I had a pretty low sex drive; I didn't want to jerk off, talk to girls, and just felt tired. There's a couple different reasons I can see this happening to me. I think it has more to do with lower sleep on average lately from schoolwork. Tonight I am gonna sleep a shitload because I'm fed up with it and earned some spare time.

Also felt super weak when I was doing pullups. I could only do 13 max the other day so I'm clearly in a down week. I took some extra rest days because I know it has to be related to the sleep thing and because I worked my ass off physically last week.

I of course am doing well in school. I'm going to school full time as well as working full time. I never could have done this before but I own it now and I'm never looking back.

I've bit off a little more than I can chew at work. I am keeping it together but it takes a lot of focus and some extra hours on the weekends.

I had a lot of frustration built up and I hadn't fully realized it. I blew up 3 nights ago because I built up some giant covert contracts. I'm pretty embarrassed about it. I basically got furious, luckily managing to STFU at the time, because I didn't act attractive enough to get sex. More specifically, I got jealous of a buddy of mine for getting attention. I realized I was getting upset, and knew that fighting wasn't going to help my case, so I left the bar we were at and decided to let off some steam at home.

This has historically been a big problem for me. I want to overcome it. I believe that it's an internal problem with too much attachment to outcome and validation seeking. I think it was really important to get that out of me and let the anger run its course. Especially because of what I was able to walk away with.

I invited a girl (6ish) over and we watched wolf of wallstreet on my couch. I just laughed with her and had my arm around her. I am honestly not sure if I didn't act because I actually just didn't want sex or if I have some kind of sub conscious issue keeping me from making a move. I'm leaning towards I didn't want sex for reasons aforementioned. I'm pretty sure I can fuck that one whenever I want to.

The great irony here is I fucked the girl who I got all upset over(7). That was last night. The sex was great. I also really enjoyed spending the night with her. I'm going to continue to focus on my shit and enjoy the nights I get with her as I move forward and keep working.

Any advice is really appreciated. I'm pretty drained still, and actually feel like I might be getting sick.

u/AlohaMaui808

capn_barnacles · 2021-01-26T19:34:03+00:00

OYS – 1/26/2021

51 years old. 5’10”, 182 lbs, 18.3% BF. Lifts: BP=175 x 3, DL (trap bar)=325 x 5, SQ 240 x 5. M-13 years, kids 8, 8, 6. Career beta/nice guy.

Mission - To become a benevolent, calm, fun, and effective leader that radiates positive energy and brings out the best in myself and others.

I’m one of those people that have been around here way too long, reading too much, and progressing too little. I also struggle writing OYS posts in the traditional way, as I don’t recall the details of conversations or what I was thinking/feeling during moments in the prior week. In some ways I think this is a benefit in that I don’t worry about the past, because I can’t remember it. In other ways I think this can be a hinderance in that I may not be learning from my mistakes of the past, not remembering the negative result of my actions.

Behavioral

Right around new year’s I started receiving the gift very disrespectful behavior, and constant barrage of shit tests. Nothing too unusual, typical stuff like:

Why are you working out being so healthy? I’m not attracted to that and liked you more before when you were fat and unhealthy.
You’re putting your own needs first and leaving me to deal with the kids.
We’re done unless you can figure out how to improve our communication and connection.
You never include me in XYZ activity that you do.

I did okay at STFU and fogging, but still DEERed a bit too much at times. This happened consistently for 3-4 nights. The following night we had a family movie night. During the movie she went to the bathroom and asked me to look at a lightbulb that seemed dim. As I went in to look at the light, she locked the door behind her and started to get undressed. It’s nothing to be proud of as I was obviously having sex in her frame, but I was amused at the sudden shift in attitude, especially with the kids so close nearby.

Fitness/Diet

My last Inbody check-in was a bit disappointing. Body fat up a bit, muscle mass down. This was likely due to gyms shut down for Nov-Dec, and my diet getting off track during the holidays. I’m using it as motivation to buckle down that the gyms have opened back up.

Starting a new set of workouts (2 weeks of PPL+core day). Resetting my weight levels, starting at 75%-80% of 1RM for the bid lifts, increasing 2.5% every 2 weeks. I’m also stopping doing as many supersets, and being more diligent about 2-3 minute rest periods between sets. Previously I had gotten into a routine of supersets for everything and having short (1 min) rest periods. I think this has limited my gains.

Social

Not much social stuff going. Hoping my improv class will re-start now that things are opening up again here.

Game/Sex

I’ve been initiating more as I’m feeling it. Success rate is still very low. I’m being more mindful about whether I want to have sex for validation, or I really want to have sex.

lionsarebigkittens · 2021-01-26T20:53:58+00:00

OYS #9:

Stats: 35y, 5'8", 143, fit, never married, no kids. Basics: (/10): Social 1, leading 5, hygiene 6, family 6, diet 7, training 4, discipline 4. Books read: NMMNG, Primer, WISNIFG, TPF, TTGTW, TRMYO. MAP half-way.

Physical: Push ups - plateauing. Game/sex, social: Nothing. Family: We're ok.

Mission: Frame (awareness, energy, direction, congruency, genuine communication). Living on my own terms, enjoying code, art and sex, and continuously progressing, even if slowly.

Daily: A: What is the thing I'm avoiding right now? Why? What is the first step towards doing it? | E: How's my energy? Why? One thing I can do to improve it?

Hey forgetful me, you're here again, this time it brings a smile. Really dude, get some reliable memory set up, no way around it. And don't forget it after it's set up. Again.

Work: I draw and draw. I decided that I can start earning money from drawing faster than I could by looking for a programming job. I'm into it, it gives me energy, I can see myself improving quickly. I dropped programming for now as my ego couldn't handle being useless with it. Again ego-preservation.

nien_nunb180 · 2021-01-27T01:45:57+00:00

OYS #3

Age: 39. 6’. 198 lbs. 23.5% BF (Navy Method). Married: 4 yrs. Wife: 35. 2 Kids: 4yo(b) & 2yo(g).

Lifts: * SQ - 5x180lbs. * BP - 5x155lbs. * BB Row - 5x110lbs. * OHP - 5x80lbs. * DL - 1x155lbs.

Sidebar: read sidebar/Wiki again & again. Books Read: NMMNG; MMSL; MAP; WISNIFG; Iron John; Way of The Superior Man. YouTube: 21 Convention; Richard Cooper; Rollo Tomassi; Rian Stone; Red Man Group.

Marriage: The day after getting the “ILYBINILWY” sprinkled with hope speech, I got a couple shit tests in the morning when I tried to arrange a family trip to the pool (all 4 of us for a change), followed by “can we talk” after kids went down for nap. This talk included: - She’s forgiven me & sees that I’ve changed. - Feels no connection/in-love feelings. - The sex that we had been having recently was her attempt to feel something. - My past behaviour (aggression) is too much to come back from. - She wants to get divorced. - She’s been looking at apartments. - She’s wanted to be out of this relationship since she was pregnant with my eldest. - Only feels safe enough now to leave coz of my stability now, and not scared of her family judging her.

Stayed calm, no anger (or tears). I told her that we should give it a couple more months (we’d previously agreed that if nothing changed by the end of January we’d re-evaluate things), but she refused saying her feelings are gone.

Also told her that our focus now was to get out of debt, with that in mind we can’t afford a 2nd place now, & that I’d move into the basement for at least a couple months. She refused, and wants out of the house.

I said that I obviously can’t force her to change her mind & that I wouldn’t fight with her or make this nasty in anyway, but seeing as this is her choice to call it, it’s her responsibility to get the divorce papers ready and I would sign everything without any BS. This pissed her off!!! She started saying that we are both responsible for it, then went on to say that it’s only my fault we are getting divorced because of my behaviour in the past. I acknowledged how I regretted my behaviour and the hurt/damage it had caused, but stood by what I said about the divorce papers being her responsibility, and told her that I wasn’t budging on that. She also made a comment like, “Why are standing up for yourself now when it’s too late, why couldn’t you be this guy our whole marriage?!?”.

I asked her if there was anything else, and went to the gym... but before I walked out the door, the little faggot inside me turned around and asked her, “Is there someone else you think you could have those feelings for?”. A) this made me sound like a little bitch; B) even if there was, she would not say shit now.

She has now also told her parents, friends & whoever else that we are getting divorced. Part of me wants to not help with divorce papers until she puts the papers in front of me in the hope something on her end changes, and the other part wants to just rip the fucking bandaid off now while she’s being “nice” so we can still do this uncontested and save money, stress and nasty-ness, and protect the kids from more shit.

Things are getting messy, she’s getting nasty with me, aggressively fighting with her mom with kids around the corner, telling her family to fuck off... all I’m doing at this point is trying to keep things as calm & stable for the kids, and also not to be walked over. Action: Keep calm, stand up for myself, show up for kids.

Career: Got to create some financial stability for myself and kids now that divorce is happening.
Action: Applied for a bunch of jobs over the weekend, and have a couple interviews lined up. Will put business on back burner if necessary if the right job comes up.

Finances: Catching up slowly. Action: Get my own bank account, start separating our finances & sit down with wife to understand exactly what her financial expectations are with regards to divorce.

Fitness/Health: StrongLifts are starting to get tough to keep up with the increments. All the divorce talk from wife is great fuel though when I am at the gym. Consistently do 5km 3x/week. Action: keep lifting; keep stretching; keep running.

Hobbies: Just making sure I have fun where I can. Action: keep playing, especially with kids.

Friends: Just happy that I have a handful of close buddies right now. Action: Lean in.

geeteeeye16v · 2021-01-27T05:58:32+00:00

OYS #2 Validation Seeker Me: 38, 6’3”, 187lbs, divorced 2 years, 3 kids (5, 8, 10) w/ 50% custody. Divorce/co-parenting is going well and drama-free. Read most of the sidebar during Rambo stage 3 years ago. Realizing I need to re-read it. I lift weights (SQ/BP 200lbs, and DL 225) about 5 days a week and keep active with mountain biking and the kids. I did 10 good form chinups the other day which is a PR. I feel like I have my shit pretty well figured out except for a couple big areas.

I believe the main issue keeping me from ultimate happiness is my validation seeking behavior and thoughts so that will be the focus of my 2nd OYS.

I got a few great comments for my OYS #1. Mainly, I’m a poser, I shouldn’t get into a relationship until I figure my shit out, and I need to figure out why I don’t like myself. All good points.

The poser comment was right on. I was posing as someone who had their stuff figured out. And I was posing as someone who owned their shit. And I was posing as a man that should or wanted to fuck a bunch of women and not commit to one. Posing as someone that wasn’t needy or didn’t validation.

I’ve realized, all my thoughts and actions come from a place seeking external validation—usually from women. Most plans I make or things I do have some thought element that is driven from the idea of meeting women. I am preoccupied and easily and deeply distracted by tits and asses. And I’m sick of it. No more will I go all “Squirrel!” when I see tits and asses. And naturally I never approach said tits—just kinda stare and think about them. I would like myself better if I had more confidence and could easily be myself in social situations. My last OYS went on about a woman whom I have been dating for 2 years with a couple break ups. I wanted to get back with her in the fall after breaking up in the spring so I could find someone “better”. Younger, bigger boobs, who knows. I didn’t find anyone better and lied that I was looking. Well, we’re still together and now I’m thinking about looking for someone better. My thoughts are constantly about that and it’s ridiculous. Spoiler alert—I can’t get anyone better. And I shouldn’t even be thinking about that. Goal #1: Re-read the sidebar, starting with NMMNG. I just got the hardcopy so I’ll start tonight. I want to do things for me, because I want to do them. I need to practice outcome independence. Goal #2: Stop looking at porn. I’m not an addict by any means but it’s been a steady staple in my life for about 25 years and it’s very likely affecting me in a negative way. This goal was bolstered by a recent MRP post about porn and sexual validation—thank you. Goal #3: Try Toastmasters to gain confidence in public speaking which may spill over to other aspects. I signed up and will give this a try tomorrow. It’s all online of course and could be lame but it’s worth a shot.

spergbergderg · 2021-01-28T16:28:11+00:00

OYS #1 - Tear Me A New One

Okay. First time posting, long time lurking.

Me: 35, wife; 33, kids; daughter 15, son 10 and daughter 3.

Weight - 76 kilos Height - 178cm

Sidebar - read, reread and reread it all again.

Exercise - gyms closed in the UK currently and no home gym due to moving house, renovations and current lack of space to set one up (will require a shed in the garden).

Working on body weight exercises currently (push ups and squats) aiming to do 200 of each per day. Currently missing this target by about 50 to 70 each day.

Attempting to get 10k steps per day (office job) and currently clocking 6k. Going to get up earlier in the mornings to get more walking in.

Diet - shit. This needs to be planned out. Will be looking to get more fruit and vegetables into my diet this week. Have cut down a hell of a lot on crap snacks.

Validation - needy as fuck. Need to stop letting others get into my frame and determine my mood/feelings.

Sex life - Non-existent at best. Both too stressed for anything and I’m letting her frame determine my moods too much.

Hobbies - learning four languages currently: Spanish, French, Norwegian and Finnish. Progressing well with courses and starting to build up a social circle of people to practise languages with via a language exchange app.

CheapRPwhiskey · 2021-01-26T09:44:07+00:00

Been here for long time. Been pretty successful at going through the MRP program. Jacked, do what I want when I want, wife is very fun and happy, etc. Never had success with the sex thing though. Anytime things got better, it felt like I had to work too hard to get what I wanted. And was what I wanted really what I wanted?

Then I read Horns post this week and the subsequent post by Blarg. Fuck me that shit hit home. I never let myself enjoy sex for sex. Even when I said I was happy with my success in MRP, I was always secretly hoping she would start jumping my bones and then I could scratch the final thing off my MRP list.

Shit even the porn thing was so true. I'm not a guy who fucks holes. I'm a guy who fucks his hand. I mean, when I watch porn with a fat chick, wipe up and turn my phone off, I know for a fact I don't wanna fuck fat chicks at all. Same as midgets (well unless she is real hot)

So I'm not here to regurgitate about my lifts, my frame, my personal endeavors, etc. I'm done fapping and I'm only initiating when I wanna fuck. Not when I feel like it's the right thing to do. This is all my OYS will consist of going forward.

BalancedAndBraced · 2021-01-26T11:26:36+00:00

OYS #1

Been lurking here for years, always knew something was wrong with my marriage (with me, actually), but didn't start trying to unfuck myself until about two years ago. Made a lot of progress in some areas since then, but I've been resisting the core truth: my wife doesn't want to fuck me because she has no sexual attraction for me, probably because I'm very sexually unattractive. I've spent twenty years being an anxious, weak, needy, validation whore. I didn't post here because I was afraid of the beating I would take.

Stats:
38M, 6'2", 189 lbs, body fat unknown (estimate 15%), married 17 years, 5 year old daughter

Readings:
NMMNG x 2, MMSLP x 2, MAP, TWOTSM, Passionate Marriage x 2. Currently reading "Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life"

Mission:
Unfuck myself, hit financial independence, and switch careers to be a therapist so I can help other men unfuck themselves.

Fitness:
Did Crossfit for a year until lockdown, have since been working out at home with a little equipment I have (30# DBs, 50# KB, barbell, and 110# of plates) and running. Just started 75 hard. My lifts are weak, recovery time is shit, have always had trouble building muscle. Just got T checked and it's low-ish, have a consult with doc this week to start TRT.

Career:
Have really been struggling in my job the last year due to COVID and emotional impact from my marriage slowly collapsing. Boss and team have been understanding, but I feel like shit about it. Not pulling my weight. Still, they're giving me more responsibility over the next few months, go figure. I recently got a coach to help me with having clear goals and keeping me accountable to them on a weekly basis. Right now I have a project that should have taken 1 month that's taken 6 months, and I need to wrap it up this week.

Fatherhood:
I've been a shitty father. I let my wife be the default parent, I don't spend quality time with my daughter, I don't do enough fun projects and stuff with her. I've been viewing this time with her as a burden, a distraction, something I have to get through, not a key part of my life to invest in. The time I have with her is fleeting and I've wasted so much of it already. Goal this week is to catch up on emails from her school, and plan a family getaway for Presidents Day weekend.

Marriage:
This is what brought me here, but I'm slowly internalizing the idea that saving my marriage isn't the goal. My marital issues are just a trial by fire to help me become the man I want to be. Right now it feels unlikely that my marriage will survive, but that's become a lot less important to me as I've slowly let go of my oneitis and taken pussy off the pedestal. Weekly sex has mostly been mediocre duty sex due to her lack of attraction for me. She's been attracted to others over the years, that's what plunged our marriage into open crisis two years ago. No cheating that I've been able to uncover, but who knows for sure. I initiated a sex moratorium three months ago because I realized I was just using sex for validation. My libido feels pretty low right now, possibly due to low T, possibly due to the dynamic with her, possibly because I used sex for validation so much that I was never that connected with my own desire. Feeling like I need to end the moratorium and start initiating when I do feel desire, but I want to see what happens with TRT first. I need to do a couple homework assignments for therapy this week, otherwise my goal is the same as always: focus on the changes I need to make for me, reset every day, STFU.

Hobbies / Other:
Tough right now with COVID, but I've started hiking a couple times a month. I'm also involved in a mens group that is meeting virtually right now. Meditation has been huge for me, goal is to meditate every day this week.

Weekly goals summarized:

Lift 4x
Run 3x
Yoga 2x
Meditate 7x
Catch up on school emails
Plan Presidents Day weekend getaway
Finish current book, start WISNIFG
Attend mens group
Wrap up eternal work project
Do therapy assignments
Consult with doc about TRT
Average phone use < 3 hours per day

titmouse_ · 2021-01-26T12:23:04+00:00

OYS 2 1/26/2021

Lifts and reading are about the same as last time.

I didn’t really accomplish much this week. I probably shouldn’t even be posting this here but I told myself that I’d post here every week. I bet I’ll get reamed out, completely ignored, or banned for this but here it goes anyways.

I found myself repeatedly slipping into old habits...talking too much, DEERing, etc. I kept finding myself in my wife’s head whenever she did something I didn’t like. I’d walk away from the interaction imagining how said interaction could have went if I said x,y, or z.

One bit of good news is I’ve made good progress building myself a lifting platform. I’ve never really had projects to work on so I’m happy to actually be doing something masculine.

That’s about it I guess. I absolutely shit the bed this week in terms of MRP gains, but this week I’ll make more progress for sure. I’m just going to focus on keeping my mouth shut and also keeping busy (lifting, reading, and projects) and overall having a better week this week.

GetOffMyLawn74 · 2021-01-26T13:04:17+00:00

OYS # 9 -

46 M, Wife (SAHM) – 39 – Married 9 – together 13 – Kids 2 M (7) and M (5); F (20) from XW.

Physical: 5-9, 190 lbs (started at 202); 25% BF (started at 27%); lifting 3 times per week and cardio 1-2 times per week. Initial goal weight - 185 lbs. Initial goal BF - under 20%.

Stuck with diet 90% since 12/31/20. No alcohol since 12/31/20. Stayed at least 750 cals below my TDEE every day except two when I missed the goal by by 8 and 100 calories. With the exception of mixing in a few lean beef meals, I’ve eaten 12 ounces of chicken breasts every day. I’ve always been a boob man, but this is getting ridiculous! If I saw a hen walking down the street, I would grab her by the neck and eat her breasts - then I would abort her eggs and eat the whites (lots of egg whites too). I keep wondering when a chicken is going to show up at my door and say “dude, enough!”

Monitoring my macros and trying to up protein as a percentage of total calories. Currently hovering around 50% of calories from protein, but I’d like to get up to about 60%.

Got properly called out 3 weeks ago when I posted: “If I know a cheat meal is coming, I will plan for it so that I stay below my TDEE at a minimum. I am absolutely through fucking around with this.” What in the ever-loving-fuck is that? Who literally writes a sentence giving himself an out and then immediately follows it with a proclamation of unwavering commitment? A delusional LARPing faggot with no discipline, that’s who. I have always had “nice guy” discipline - the appearance of being committed and disciplined. I am learning what real discipline feels like.

Gym 3 times in 2 of the last 3 weeks - 4 days this past week - 7 at night - the other 3 Saturday and Sunday mornings. Continuing to feel stronger and weights are increasing. In addition to my normal over 40 lifting plan I started alternating 5x5 squats and deadlifts to start each workout. Squats - 160; deadlifts 170.

I am (finally) figuring out that so much flows from getting the physical under control. Also understanding the long game on the physical and mental. This will not happen overnight. But you have to be consistent to make long term progress. In addition to other mental models that need corrected, the “quick-fix” idea has to go as well.

Reading: Have read almost everything on the sidebar - many more than once. Reading Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins and Ironwoods Alpha Moves. I’m also reading all of the OYS posts and feedback each week. It's helpful to see what others are doing, what is working, and especially the responses and advice from mods and vets here.

Mission: Discipline.

15 weeks no FAP. I have been wondering why my libido has been virtually non-existent the last 3-4 weeks. I believed that after going this long without porn or cranking it, and lifting weights, I would be walking around like I was 16 again ready to stick it in anything. But that has not been the case. I have been getting a little more regular sex, but nothing like the frequency with which I used to beat off. I first thought it might be my diet impacting T levels, which might be part of it. But also, like it was written for me, HOA posted the timeline on escaping sex for validation and quitting porn. It was and is me. Very timely and helpful as I go through these phases. I feel like my libido is slowly coming back. I have read a few articles regarding strict calorie deficits impacting libido as well.

I am back from my second Rule 9 ban - the first was in OYS 1, which is at least a little bit more understandable. I was admittedly a little butthurt over this one initially and actually messaged the mods to see if they had made a mistake. I mentioned above that I have been reading the OYS posts each week. Typically, I will be reading through one and think to myself “this dude is going to get Rule 9ed.” So I went back and read my last OYS through that lens. Sure enough, I’m thinking, “this dude is going to get rule 9ed.” Still working on internalizing the Rule 9 concept, but I feel I am making progress and shifting to internal focus. I appreciate being held accountable on it. I am continuing to more regularly catch myself focusing too much on external reactions and validation, but the thoughts are still there and I am beginning to realize they will require constant diligence - they will never go away completely, but I cannot continue to act on them.

Frame: I don’t recall where, but I read something about frame being boundaries, and boundaries being set and not compromised by anyone, most importantly YOURSELF. When you relent, you show a lack of conviction. This is where I am right now. Before I can maintain frame with anyone else, I have to maintain frame with myself. This is what I mean by everything else, at least for me right now, is flowing from the physical. I am committed to lifting and dieting. If I cheat on diet or miss a workout, I have acted incongruent with my own boundaries - I have violated my own boundaries. How weak is my frame if I cannot even hold myself accountable? That is where my mission comes from right now - be disciplined.

midlife_madness · 2021-01-26T14:30:51+00:00

OYS 7

Stats
mid 40s, 5’9”, 153.5 lbs, body fat: 17%-18%
Married 19 yrs, wife mid 40s, 1 kid 8 yo
GSLP week 2 (after 6 weeks SL 5x5) - BP: 115 lbs x 7, DL: 135 lbs x 12, Sq: 150 lbs x 9, OHP: 65 lbs x 9

Reading The Rational Male vol. 1 (Tomassi)

There’s been lots of good stuff posted recently on the subject of sex for validation. I thought I had this fixed but now I’m not so sure. Thanks to Blarg and Horns for your posts last week. I’m digging into my motivations and trying to discern genuine desire from emotional neediness. My libido has been low for a few months now and I’m not sure why (age? low T? mild depression? Mentally I still want it, but don’t feel the physical urge the way I would this time last year). Consequently, trying to figure out “why do I want to fuck right now?” has been confusing. I always think I’m initiating because I just want sex, but I recognize that I still feel crappy when my initiations fail so there must still be some validation seeking motive in there.

And my initiations are failing a lot lately. Things were going relatively well back in the fall, but I’ve only managed to fuck once in the past 30 days, which is how things were before I found MRP and started making changes. I don’t know what’s caused the regression but could be I’ve been riding a validation high from those few good months and I’ve started to smell needy, or my wife is pumping the brakes (consciously or subconsciously) to regain control, or whatever. Usually when things are going this way, I end up taking matters into my own hands every 3 to 5 days or so to relieve the physical and mental pressure. I’ve stopped that. Maybe I need to use that pressure to bring a stronger energy when I do initiate sex. Maybe I need my balls to ache for a while to remind me to use them.

One night last week when I couldn't close the deal I recognized I was feeling disappointed and something clicked. We all feel disappointment all the time about all kinds of things. Disappointment is a normal part of life. Do I get all sullen when I overcook a meal or get a raise that's a little lower than I'd hoped or when I don't enjoy a movie? Of course not. I work to change what I can change, if anything, and otherwise just suck it up. Why is sex any different from those other things? To answer, I had to admit to myself that I’m using quantity of sex as a metric to gauge the quality of my relationship. And because so much of my self-worth is still tied up in my wife’s approval, I’m measuring my own self-worth partially by how often I have sex (validation), which is pretty messed up. Then, of course, I bring that low energy to every interaction I have with my wife, which isn't attractive at all, and the cycle continues. It's all this Nice Guy insecurity that just eats at me because I'm still too invested in what other people think of me - or more accurately what I think they think of me. I can't control that, but I can control what I think of me.

Last week I said I was ready to have consultations with some divorce lawyers to start to get some idea of what that route would look like. Divorce is not plan A, but right now I feel like it’s as likely an outcome as not, so I need to get smart about it. Anyway, I didn’t call them. I excused myself for being super busy and all, but I know it’s really because I’m scared.

I failed a couple tests this week. Both times she got me when I was busy with something: cooking dinner and a small home repair. I thought I was doing well with STFU, WISNIFG tactics, etc. and I guess I am when things are otherwise calm. That she was able to catch me off guard shows me I still have a lot of work ahead of me to build frame. If I had my shit together it wouldn’t matter what I’m doing when she comes huffing and puffing, she would not be able to blow my house down.

substancehub · 2021-01-26T14:55:04+00:00

OYS 25

Summary

6'2'' 34 years old / 182lbs (~16%BF) BP - 199 / OHP - 118 / SQ - 270 / DL - 250

Read: WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSLP, SGM, Married in Captivity, Book of Pook, Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves, Atomic Habits, Mindful Attraction Plan, Iron John, WOTSM, 48 Laws of Power

Reading: Book of Pook (again), Models

Fitness / Hobbies / Social

Got some bro time this week. Bro time is key to keeping me human.

Started deadlifts again a few weeks ago after a year hiatus. Started loading creatine around the same time and it seems to be helping my lifts, which are all slowly trending up.

Career/Finances

Last week I complained about how crazy the week was and how "I feel like there's nothing left at the end of the day." In retrospect, it was a combination of me trying to figure out how to make something, failing repeatedly, and letting that failure determine my sense of self-worth and energy levels. Just as I was about to give up, I finally got the thing to work and literally yelled "fuck yea!" to no one in a public workspace.

I have a tendency, especially back when I was in college, to seek validation through work. It got to the point where I spent the entire spring break of my senior year in my studio, popping Adderall and working 16 hour days to finish a bunch of projects and classwork I'd taken on. In the 10 years since then I've gotten a lot better about setting boundaries—not working on the weekends or after dinner, for example. I'm nearing the finish line to selling a product that I've been working on (on and off) for almost 10 years and I'm feeling the urge to work late and get it out the door. I'm wary that this is the work-validation demon coming back, but I also think if ever I've had a good reason to work my ass off to finish something, it's this project. I keep thinking of the myth of people quietly working late nights to make a career shift or build something while raising four kids and working a full time job during the day. I have the flexibility of freelancing (no upcoming projects until mid-February), and no fatherly responsibilities, and yet I still feel the urge to live out this working late fantasy. I guess it all depends on what my intentions are and how focused I am on the end goal.

Sex / Game

Second week of no porn and no fap, combined with no sex this week. The previous week I wasn't even thinking about sex. The last couple days of this week I've started seeing real desire coming back. The triggers of arousal are pretty random: seeing my wife's ass in some new tights, seeing my wife's panties while sorting laundry, and during/after a workout. Reminds me of when Arnold talks about "cahming" while he's working out in Pumping Iron. Wife showed me a sexy picture of someone she follows on Instagram and was like, "wow, look at her bajongas" and even though it wasn't technically "porn" it still brought up the old porn addiction of wanting to look up more pictures of this model, get aroused, and then either jerk off or get validation by covert contracting my wife to get me off. Behind it all are feelings of inadequacy, that I'm not with someone who's that hot, that my wife has cellulite and things are starting to sag a little and it's only going to get more pronounced as time goes on. Even as I write about this Instagram model, I keep getting that brain tug to pick up my phone and look her up.

A few months ago, my wife started playing with the idea of starting an OnlyFans to make some extra money and probably because seeing hot pictures of herself naked would make her feel good. I was game because it sounded like an excuse to film myself getting blowjobs. We've filmed ourselves having sex in the past, and I've always thought it was a good idea because on some level I want to preserve the memories of our young healthy bodies and have something to jerk off to when we're old and ugly. I secretly worry that I'm not going to be attracted to my wife when she's 40 or 50 and I don't want to be the stereotype husband that leaves his wife for a younger model, so therefore having an archive of videos of us fucking in her prime would keep me around... Wow, this thought train makes no fucking sense, thanks OYS. Ultimately she wasn't as into filming herself giving me blowjobs as she was taking sexy solo photos of herself, but I somehow hamstered my way into watching porn to do "research" on the best way to film these hypothetical blowjob videos we were going to make. Not watching these videos with her as foreplay, mind you. Just by myself, getting aroused and then covertly expecting my wife to perform these imaginary acts, or finishing myself off when I wasn't getting what I wanted.

So now I'm approaching initiation warily. I would say four out of the five times I wanted to initiate this week I was seeking validation, and fortunately I'm growing the self-awareness to recognize the difference. There's a fine line between what I want (a blowjob to relieve the growing pressure in my balls) and what my ego wants (a blowjob to validate my attractiveness and value as a human-being-man).

Firmly in Stage 2 of the "Escaping Sex for Validation" timeline. Tired of listening to my wife talk about business/her feelings/etc, don't want to cuddle or hug her, constantly finding excuses to leave the house and do anything except hang out and talk or watch TV. And yet I know that I would still trade a half hour of her talking about half-baked passive income schemes in exchange for a blowjob.

SeekerTRP · 2021-01-26T15:10:02+00:00

OYS#15

37, 6’0”, 195lbs. BF 19%. Wife is 44. Married 5yr. Together 10yr. Open marriage for 1.5 years. No kids. Lifts: Bench 210 Dead 255 Squat 250

Mission: Cultivate discipline. Seek wisdom. Be at peace.

Read: Prereqs. Finishing 101. Power of Now, TWOSM, 48LOP, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Models.

Reading: MAP

Body On track. The wife asked (told) me to stop making my traps bigger. I took the compliment for what it is. I’m not lifting for her.

Mind

How to express my emotions like a man:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5ntc44/expressing_emotions_like_a_man/

u/man_in_the_world shared a post last week that was right on target. I was trying to cope with this latest bout of my wife being sick by withdrawing and acting emotionless. I thought this was stoicism. I was incorrect. As he pointed out, this behaviour is weak and unattractive. I should not aspire to be avoidant; I should aspire to emotional strength. What is strength? I’ve been meditating on this question for the last week. There is the physical aspect which I’m making fine progress with. Mental strength is more elusive. As a goal, I seek to be emotionally self-sufficient and non-needy. The more clearly articulated I can make this goal in my mind, the better I can seek it earnestly. I know in my head that validation seeking from others is a black hole. I seek to know this is my heart as well. If I have emotional problems then my wife is a reflection of that. It’s going to take a long time to repair the emotional damage I’ve caused. I am willing to put the work into fixing myself. There is no other choice.

Spirit

I’ve been less consistent with the meditation. My ego is still in the way and refuses to go fuck off. I will sit for 20 minutes when I’m done writing this post. I know I need it. The path to connect with myself is slow going, but I’m on the right track. Onwards.

Relationship/Sex

I put the theory of expressing my emotions with strength into practice immediately. I told my wife that she has every right to be afraid, but we’ll figure it out. I could feel a mass of tension leave her body in that moment. We hugged two or three times that evening and then cuddled on the couch later in a way that we never do. It was noteworthy to see such an obvious physical response from simple words. I am calibrating to more appropriately provide comfort when needed. I passed an easy shit test the next day with her screaming angry over getting locked out of her online banking. This reminds me how essential of a component I am to her wellbeing and how my leadership or lack of has been affecting her. I’m ready to take responsibility for my piece of this relationship and bear any criticisms of me as a man with strength. I got her to agree to speak to a therapist about the emotional component of chronic illness. This is a big win. In the interest of total shit ownership, I will say I’m super scared that my wife may be dying. Instead of being avoidant to reality, instead of numbing myself to not have to deal with this, I resolve to face it like a man.

gnackered · 2021-01-26T15:43:31+00:00

OYS #4

Married, age 48, wife 46, together 20 years, married 17. Two kids, one teen (D), one tween (S). 201 lbs (up ~5 lbs) - approx 20% BF.

Read - prereq's and 101. Rereading rational male.

Lifts/Diet - been slacking here. No more. Cutting out sugar entirely (including starches/bread). Lifts (sad) BP 100, S 130, DL 180, OHP 85.

Finances - solid

Career - okay (will put more effort in).

Family - the pandemic is causing problems with both kids. My D, used to be straight A's, in higher classes, is discouraged and acting out. Getting a C- in geometry. My son is worse, he hates online schooling and has been very negative. We have him in therapy. But the therapist is teaching him to be a better victim, so I am looking for a new therapist. My wife found a new parenting guide which tries to give the kids more of a voice while at the same time has us setting clear boundaries. Its not bad. We are also trying to incorporate more fun stuff on the weekends (skating, snow tubing were recent activities).

My goal - work the system we have, have more fun, get a new therapist for my son.

Sex - My dick is broken. Viagra/cialis don't work. Trimix works (shot in the dick). I tend to miss when I give myself the shot. It fricken hurts. I had used some smaller needles but they didn't get it done. I re-order some high gauge needles with a longer length. The plan is the higher gauge needles won't hurt so much so I can fully insert the needle into the dick and get the meds where I need them.

My wife isn't as available to me as I'd like. She is very much worried about the kids and its difficult to set the mood. We have spent about a year or so where she was basically giving me HJs. I think between that and (limited) FAP I rewired my brain so I can't cum any other way. So I decided no more HJs, no more FAP until a rewire my brain. This means if I miss on my injection, that the session is all about her needs, which is fun for me just not as fun as it should be.

We are now scheduling sex for the mornings when the kids are in school. Or twice a week. First session was yesterday. Missed on the shot and focused on her and on immersion. You can complain that scheduled sex is beta. Fair enough. I can still initiate at other times and do. But with her mindset when the kids are around being under pressure, her love of sleep and my need for a needle in the dick it was a logical conclusion. I am not yet fit enough to be viable from a dread perspective and twice a week minimum is progress frankly. We are talking about sex way more and I have my work cut out for me in terms of loosening her up. On Saturday morning (not scheduled) we were going at it and she asked to be fucked "hard". This is the first time in twenty years I have heard that, and having an erection that (when I get the shot right) won't quit is massively liberating. Now I just need to work on cumming and cardio frankly.

My goals - give the new needles a shot tomorrow. Work on cumming in her. Stretch the foreskin of my penis (I an uncut and have phimosis - the foreskin is too tight and doesn't roll back - never a problem, but could be a factor so let's address it).

UsefulWalk4 · 2021-01-26T15:54:04+00:00

OYS #56

Stats: Mid Forties, married 15 years, kids 6’2”, 185 lbs. at least 11% Navy Method. Working on MRP over 3 years, OYS since December 2020. Bought a scale so I can report actual weights, I’ve been estimating since gym closed. I vary from 183.6-187 so far, surprised how variable it has been, that wasn’t in line with my past experiences.

Lifts: Squat 355# X5, Deadlift 275# X5, Row 180# X5 (I moved back to weighted chins), OHP 120# X5, BP 180# X 5. I officially signed up for Barbell Medicine training. I have to wait up to week for my programming. I also got their nutrition package.

Currently Reading: Day Bang & NMMNG. Different formats so I’m reading in different places. Seriously need to dedicate some time to this.

NMMNG: I’ve still got some work to do here. I’ve told myself in the past that this stuff wasn’t an issue for me, but realistically it is. I got a volunteer board invite this week. I said no. Normally I would have said yes. After I said no, I felt terrible, WISNIFG apparently. Still work to do. At least I said no, I don’t have time to waste on anything that isn’t mission critical at this point. Stay focused!

Ego: Working on checking my ego. This will need to remain a top priority for me for a while. I didn’t allow this to cause me problems this week.

Validation: Same here as with ego. Not too many issues here this week, or at least better than normal since I’ve been mindful of it. Sex validation is a problem and I feel the validation sting with every rejection. Normal I’m sure, but I’m trying to work thru it, I can’t take every rejection as a verdict on who I am and what my worth is. She’s just missing out.

Abundance: Still screwing around here. I want to internalize that there is abundance out there. I’m prepared to reinforce this regardless of the cost.

Covert Contracts: Didn’t seem to be an issue this week. I’m still angry that my giant covert contract (improvement for sex) is paying out the way I’d like it to. I don’t think this feeling will go away until I have a fulfilling sex life one way or the other. I’m doing a good job of managing my emotions as it relates to this.

Sex: None this week.

Initiation: Initiation timing. Night time initiations are still an issue. I’m working on improving my bedtime only initiations, she’s complained about them, I’ve read that there are more effective ways. This week I tried mornings, setups during the day times, just out right telling her I’m in the mood to fuck. Our biggest excuse is kids are always around. I’ve done better here this week. First part of the week was tough. The built-in excuses are heavy and ready. Additionally, I do a good job of talking my way out of it. I forced myself to improve later in the week and open up the possibilities on how when. When I was coming out of the shower, I tossed her up on the bathroom counter spread her legs and started kissing her. After that was fairly well received, I dropped my towel and tried to escalate, but was unsuccessful. Also tried a similar move in the laundry room mid-day and a first thing in the morning initiation attempt. One evening I just it her with a very plain “I’m in the mood for sex and would like to fuck now”, not very smooth, but I’m just trying to make myself clear. Latest responses have been “how are you always in the mood?” and an invitation to “talk” at later date her rationale being some sort of negotiated settlement about me leaving her alone certain days and us having sex other set days. I told her I’d rather just fuck my wife all the time, then STFU. We’ll see if she actually initiates the “talk”. I’m hoping she doesn’t. Too much room for me to shove my foot in my mouth and I’m not really looking to negotiate some part time desire anyway.

This remains from last week’s OYS, “Other nights I didn’t initiate due to early onset excuses affecting me or I weekly initiated due to my perception of impending disinterest.” Still true, but improved this week. My successes were not rewarded with sex, which didn’t give me my validation that I probably wanted, I’m OK with this (at least mostly)

No FAP: Rough week, pushed thru successfully. I’m a caged tiger at this point. (Yes, I’m aware it’s a prison of my own design)

Dread: I’m still working the dread levels. Re-reading this list weekly is a good way to choose places to continue upgrading and avoid getting stagnant. One of the prime targets is increasing time away from the wife. Dust2Dust told me to increase this. For some reason this verbiage resonated with me. So…

Increase this! Get out of the fucking house more. Evenings and others. Went and watched the football game at a buddy’s house, she declined the invite. Nothing ground breaking, but this is a week point that I’m working on and this was improvement. I’m not sure what’s wrong with my hard wiring, but this makes me uncomfortable. Still work to do here.

MAP: I’m updating my MAP. My main focus in on STRATEGIC INITIATIVE. I’ve mostly decided that cutting things from my MAP is my top priority. I need to focus on the shit that matters to me. I get too bogged down in meaningless shit that prevents me from accomplishing as much as I could. I’m very effective, but the catch is that I’m not effective at all a decent portion of my time. I’m still relatively effective overall, but I’m wasting potential with time wasters and distractions.

Frame: Nothing interesting here this week.

Procrastination/time wasting: Slightly better this week, but I have much work to do to stay focused on my priorities.

Mission: Eat, Lift, Read and have fun. Just be myself, whatever that is.

My Plan: My plan is to continue to put one foot in front of the other. Maybe the rope is tightening maybe it isn’t. I’ll keep working and improving, I’m not expecting any rapid shifts in other people’s reactions to me. I’m fighting for progress in my journey.

UsuallyUseMy_Name · 2021-01-26T16:09:09+00:00

31, 6’2” 184.2 lbs Married 5, together 11, no kids.

Squat 202.5x5 DL 250x5 Bench 100x5 OHP 90x5

Thing that went well:

The new job is going really well. I keep getting more responsibility and I'm learning the new field quickly. Having a regular schedule is helpful for me. It's easier to have habits when there are blocks of time to schedule it around. I get home at 4:30 and lift. It's become automatic. I've been working from home (really going to a coffee shop) so I can get my work done efficiently and work on other things as I have time.

The new diet it working . I'm up six pounds in a little over two weeks.

I have an idea what my mission is now. It's still broad, and I know I need to get more specific so I can really attack it, but at least I have a direction to go. This is within the last 2-3 day, so I'm still working on it.

I found a group of guys I know tangentially that get together most weeks, so starting next week I'll have some regular interaction with men. That's been a weak point for me. I know I needed to get to it, and now that I have steady work i am. If this group doesn't work out, I'll be immediately looking for the next.

Things I'm still fucking up:

I backslid a lot in my personal habits. I got lazy and was getting up late, so I didn't have mornings to do the things I care about most. Instead I had to play catch up. I need to take 5 minutes before bed, set up my tasks for the morning, get excited about them, and decide when to set my alarm. If I don't have a plan I hit snooze.

I watched porn for the first time in months. Now that my wife and I are having sex again I'm starting to think of all the shit we used to do/I want to do. I got resentful because I wasn't taking responsibility for having the sex life I want. I still have a ton on the side bar to digest, and I'm still rereading everything, but I haven't read SGM yet. I'm going to start that this week.

Beneficial_Secret_81 · 2021-01-26T16:24:47+00:00

OYS Week 2

Stats: 43, wife 39, 7 kids, 243lb/6ft, 30% bodyfat

Reading: NMMNG

Lifts: Squat 135lb (Still learning this lift), Bench 170x10, Deadlift 215lbx5, Overhead 120lbx6

Workout/Diet

I am lifting 5 days a week. I am getting closer to the right weight, and I'm finding problems with my form and improving it.

I have kept to my diet (~1500cal/day) this week and have lost 2 more pounds (4 total).

Frame

I've realized that much more than half of the choices I have made are out of the irrational fear of being mistreated. My life has felt like an endless path of eggshells. I chose not to do this anymore. I'm just doing what I think is best and I'm going to tolerate mistreatment. What that means practically, is that I must enforce boundaries on behavior that exceeds shit test territory and moves into contempt. In the past I put up with a lot of things that would have ended most relationships including physical attacks. I made excuses and chalked it up to mental illness. But the only mental illness going on was that I was pussy with no boundaries. When the contempt resumes, I am going to squash it like a bug. Last week, I decided to move back into my bedroom after years of sleeping on the couch.

Sex

I've had more sex this week than I did in the last 6 months. It started with several hard initiations from her as I had lost interest almost entirely. I haven't even had night or morning wood for months. Suddenly, after that my libido returned, and I've been fucking her constantly, and she's way more into it than ever. This is not my usual harpy wife. Two weeks ago, I was a never-been-funny needy deviant sicko for making an unserious flirt to be sociable. I'm refusing to let it derail from my mission which for now includes getting shit done and not being a fat slob.

I am enjoying the on-demand sex. I am starting to like her a lot more than I did a few weeks ago. I've been wondering what the catch is. It turned out not to be an affair (yet), but a self-help book a friend gave her about how it destroys marriages to be a frigid bitch. Maybe she was afraid I was bailing on the marriage. Whatever is momentarily in her hamster is irrelevant. I know that I have not suddenly become more attractive. If anything, I'm fatter than I've been in years and I've been badly failing shit tests for weeks and now they've dried up. The shit tests that should accompany an uptick in sex are missing, especially for how much of a beta pussy I've been. I'm still going to enjoy fucking, maybe it will last a few weeks, regardless, sex is not my mission, doing a pullup is.

Goals

I'm adjusting these to be more measurable and achievable.

Complete 2018 and business and tax paperwork
Do a pullup
Do 3 Dips
Run a mile
Lift 5 days this week
Follow my diet plan for the next 7 days
Finish No More Mr. Nice Guy
Read When I Say No I Feel Guilty

So sad. I was able to do 1.5 dips for two sets in a row. I'm celebrating it anyway.

~~Do a dip~~
~~Don't miss a workout~~
~~Keep my diet~~

x5278439 · 2021-01-26T17:01:43+00:00

OYS 11

Physical: 57; 5’ 10”; 148 lbs; 15% BF (Navy) BP: 90, DL: 120, SQ: 22.5

Started GOMAD, at 0.75. Always feeling full has exposed a negative mental model re: gluttony. This is a self-talk issue.

No lifting coach yet. Guys are understandably cautious.

Read: NMMNG, RM (audio), WISNIFG (audio), Stone’s NMMNG lectures, MMSLP, PFP, MAP, Stone’s WISNIFG lectures, The Predatory Female

Reading: RM: Religion

Relationships: The girl finally closed on her house. Had a great walkthrough with the previous owner—he did a great deal of good work on the infrastructure. I found myself volunteering, sometimes verbally and sometimes in my head, to be Mr. Fixit. On one hand I don’t mind doing that stuff; on the other hand, I wonder why I make it my problem.

Blurted out the fact of my impending surgeries to her in a moment of frustration. This was not my plan and I’m disappointed I did not stick to that plan: I wanted to get my own path plotted before dealing with her need for comfort.

seeingred81 · 2021-01-26T17:06:27+00:00

OYS #2

Physical Stats: 39 years old, 5’11, 215 lbs, ~25% bodyfat, 305 lb bench, 355 lb hex bar deadlift, 7 bodyweight pullups

Relationship: together almost 8 years, 6.5 and 2.5 year old kids

Books read: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG Way of the Superior Man (should have waited on this one)

Reading: MAP - this is just what I need to be reading right now

Career: No change here. Getting caught up in school, continuing to work part time due to COVID. On track to be making a lot more money in 18 months or so. MAP showed me that I had been in a stagnant situation here and while I have yet to reap the benefits directly, I am moving in a better direction.

GOALS: Assertively claim time to study. (continuing this goal. I succeeded last week in prioritizing study over time with my wife. I left the house for 5 hours to focus on school yesterday. Felt great afterwards and was super productive. Everything was fine - even better than fine - when I got home.

Social: No real change here. Its fine given the circumstances

Gym/health: Continuing to work out in my garage. Wife finally asked if I could teach her and followed through! Scheduled her second workout today. I've decided to shift from upper lower back to full body due to scheduling issues. Life is busy these days!

GOALS: Continue assertively claiming time to work out, lose weight via portion reduction and incorporation of HIIT 2x/week.

Relationship: So many problems that I blame on her come down to me just not being attractive enough. I don't think dissecting this in detail at this point is even that useful. My frustration and anger at her are just misplaced anger at myself. Losing weight and following MAP is my plan to be more attractive. I've always been a needy beta. She doesn't really want to lead - she's made this abundantly clear. My goals of gaming my wife are being put on hold for a bit as I'm just not there right now. I took Sex God Method off my reading list for the time being until I'm further along with MAP. I have been doing a much better job with STFU. Still working on this, but now I'm catching myself just as I begin to respond and cut it off. Even this is amazing. I can just not participate! Sometimes she gets upset for awhile, but more often than not 5 minutes later everything is fine. When I would try and talk everything out to take care of her/my feelings, negativity would persist for hours.

GOALS: get my bodyfat down to where I have a six pack so I am more physically attractive, kill off my inner nice guy, Focus on STFU for now.

Family: Doing pretty good with the kiddos. Basically I just need to focus on being a better version of me and otherwise keep doing what I’m doing with them.

Hobbies: I enjoy reading, writing, meditation, and board games. I’m going to make a point to take some time every night before bed for myself. I've been succeeding in this most nights via either meditation or reading.

MOST IMPORTANT GOALS SUMMARY: Take time for myself for study, exercise, and hobbies. Stop over-caring and STFU. Keep reading and post OYS. No change here, feel like I made a bit of progress. Losing weight is the one that I feel stuck on. Getting a new scale cuz the one I have stopped working.

stepcousinofmog · 2021-01-26T17:36:53+00:00

OYS2: Grind

Me: 45 yrs. Wife: 40 yrs. Married 9 years, together 13 years. 1 boy <5 years. Starfish sex 2-3 times per month, very scheduled.

Stats: No change from last week. 6 ft, 160 lbs, 31.5 inch waist, doing bodyweight fitness since all the gyms are closed. Body fat is in the 12-15% range, using the eyeball test. HePSU: 3x5, Pull-ups: 3x7 plus 10lbs, Ring dips 3x6.

Sidebar: MMSL. Reading the bit on Kino reminds me that I need to touch her more, without being grabby, and demonstrate OI when she pushes me away. “Be sexual” in the larger sense. Action: More sexual touching.

Diet: Good. 6/6 compliance. Action: Having been chastised last week for scrawny-ness, I’ll start drinking Tim Ferris’ fat bomb shake after working out 3x per week.

Social: Got out twice this week, once with a group and once with a neighbor. Now that I have a mission (see below) I can be more purposeful around what social events to do. Action: find four mission-related social events per month.

Emotional: First therapist appointment tomorrow. Action: Try his exercises to let go of anger/regret/re-playing the past.

Sexual: One hard no, one yes. Tried to add Emotion per SGM, I didn’t feel any difference. Spontaneity is going to be minimal, since I’m working around the kids sleep schedule. Action: Press for something during this upcoming shark week.

Professional: End of year accounting/taxes, always a fun time. Action: Un-fuck them so I can answer the question “How we doing?”

Leadership: Bad week. I caught myself Explaining, and stopped, but the damage was done. Action: The next time this issue comes up, which it will, try fogging.

Fun: Had date night in, it was fine. She didn’t wear the clothes she claimed to miss, oddly. Action: The next time she goes into a anxiety spiral, grab her and do a couples-y activity right there.

Mission: "Put down roots to help my community(ies) through the bad times ahead". Like prepping, but less paranoid. Action: Get more specific - identify 3 communities and 3 ways to help them.

hmpanon · 2021-01-26T19:00:11+00:00

OYS 10

I got a message from W&S and was like “yes, getting some advice from him, this should be good!” Got banned instead,lol. Fuck.

40 yo, 5’10” 176 lbs. Wife (31yo) Married 3 yrs, together 8 yrs, 2 yo daughter, 2 mo son, 13 yo, 10 yo sons from previous marriage.

Current lifts Leangains- rpt 185lbs x10 squat 270bs x8 DL 190lbs x8 Bench, 140lbs x8 row
112.5lbs x8 OHP chin x 8+5lbs, accessories bicep curl and skull crushers.

Diet/fitness Got sick, out for 4 days, then promptly hurt my back on squats at the following workout. This hurting my back is recurring issue. I decrease weights on the squat and able to lift well after a week off with little pain. Always lower back. I know its my technique and posture. Will work on this. I do great on BP, DL, Chins, but struggle with OHP and Squat- both of which require good technique and posture. Suggestions welcome. Dieting is better. However, getting sick and hurt gave me weak excuse to stop, now getting back on track. Have significantly decrease snacking, but still having shitty fast food at times for my meals.
I am finding that food struggles are hitting me at my weak spot- validation seeking. Fight off food is giving me the same feeling as fight off porn and validation seeking. There is a definite depression/anxiety feeling to resisting unhealthy foods. Dopamine I’m sure.

Read- Had time to go through a lot of books since my last post due to decrease distractions and less validation behavior

MRP- NMMNG x 3, WISNIFG x 2, TRM, TWOTSM, MAP, BPP, MMSLP, SGM Game- The game, Game by Roosh, Models, book of pook Other- Cant hurt me, extreme ownership, power of habits, atomic habits, How win friends

Read Game by Roosh. It was very interesting, as I never really got into game, due to me being lifetime beta. First part very TRM with truth about women/men and then TRP about improving self. It ended with techniques about gaming. When I read that, the first thing I thought was “that’s not going to help me, I don’t need ways to pick up my wife’s number or get her home after a date” But then I caught myself and realized the point of reading was for me to improve myself and not about her. I plan on using this to help me approach and create my first real game skills. This is going to help my abundance mentally, OI, and overall confidence, which is sorely lacking.

Reading SGM I read the sidebar, seen post about this, and discussions about DEVI. Reading the book, however, really put it into perspective on all the I, personally, am lacking on these skills. On the chart, I am basically a 0 on DVI, and -2 on E.
This turned out to be a good time for me to read this, as I am going through my validation withdraw phase and this will help me when I adjust to a new way to have sex.

Finished NMMNG hero journey.
Did most of the exercises. The Nice guy has been my biggest thorn in my side, as with most people here. I have worked on this. I now hear frequently that I am selfish, that I don’t care, I am mean, etc. Words of encouragement. I don’t offer explanation, I do what I feel is appropriate, rarely apologize (still fuck up at times).

Reread WISNIFG I wanted to refresh on the examples/techniques but found better use from the beginning on why I am not assertive. However the best part was the line about it doesn’t matter why I am this way, just that I need to fix it. I spend too much time looking back and figuring out what happened and not enough on just improving.

My mission- to be the fun loving guy I use to be. To no longer get in my own way. To express my true self again. Own who I am without guilt, shame or fear.

Social/relationship Last time I posted a question on whether I was up my wife’s ass, and got an answer with getting ruled 9. Today, I would like to explore more on my wife's thoughts and feelings however. Joking! W&S please don’t ban me. Who am I kidding, he probably won’t read this anyways, or just read the first line and ban me.

Wife-status quo, no change, 1000 ft rope

Mental Made some big progress here since last time. Learned that I am more of a validation bitch than I thought I was. Was going to write about my validation causing depression, anxiety, and the connection between stopping PMO and validation seeking behavior, but u/aphalfasprout, Horns and u/Barg_Risen covered this so well. Double my efforts on this, deleted Instagram which was a trigger. Decreased using the phone/internet and as previously stated, I read a shit ton with free time. Sex is a mix of PE and ED. Last night did some Dominance/caveman, but almost couldn’t get started. Have disruptive depressive thoughts, withdraw anxiety, etc. I need to push through and wait this out, give it time. I take these things as a sign that this is working. I had stopped my meditation and journaling and restarted these, which has been helpful. I keep telling myself that I am in a better place now than I have ever been. Going to add other daily affirmations as well.

Goals Continue working on validation- Finish SGM. Have Rian stone book, will look through that, feel like his emails are helpful. Reread WOTSM as well.
Journal and mediation Start approaching/working on game

2wo2wo3hree · 2021-01-26T19:04:46+00:00

OYS 32

Books:

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Married Man Sex-Life Primer

When I Say No I Feel Guilty

The Way of The Superior Man

Mindful Attraction Plan

The book of POOK

The Rational Male

48 Laws of Power

Can’t Hurt Me

The science of trust

Rich Dad Poor Dad

Love & Respect

Millionaire Next Door

Think & Grow Rich

~~Currently reading~~:

STATS/LIFTS

36yo, 6’3, 208, 15% body fat.

BP: 225lbs (6x5)

OHP: 115lbs (3x10)

Squat: Pyramid of 3 reps, from 135 to 315 for a total of 9 sets. Then I dropped to 245 and did 5 sets of 5. Then I hit the leg press, lunges, ham curls, straight leg deadlifts and calves.

Barbell Row 205lbs (3x10)

The gym was illusive this week. I worried I wasn’t even going to find time but I managed to prioritize a sort of “no fail” commitment to hitting the gym on Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday to close out the week strong. Monday was straight to leg day again.

RELATIONSHIP:

Married 5 years, One daughter.

MENTAL

I have been on edge lately. I get furious at anything that causes turbulence.

I think I’m grasping what’s happening. I’ve become so independent, capable, mission oriented and self sufficient. I don’t have time for bullshit, especially when it takes me away from my mission and vision.

MARRIAGE

There’s a temporary anomaly. My wife’s workout partner had a positive Covid test. My wife decided to quarantine with no symptoms. Thankfully, everything was fine. I was put-off because I expected her being home for a week to add value but didn’t; just broken arms & legs type of laziness. Wore a robe all week. No workout. Zero Initiative to add value. She initiated sex several times but my attraction was down and didn’t meet the level of even wanting to get some DEVI going. I decided to let it pass. Again, it was an anomaly. I expected normalcy when she returned to work and put herself back together after bumming it for a week. I STFU and didn’t rock the boat over something I knew was temporary. By the fourth day, my slut was back.

SEX

Even through lower drive and attraction on my end, I still played with BDSM and some ropes this week. Sex wasn’t an issue.

FINANCES:

Finishing strong. We spent $400 less than we did last month, and that’s with emergency $800 maintenance. If I keep it steady, February should be a breeze financially.

SOCIAL

I went to a one year death anniversary vigil for a friend. My mates and I decided to grab a drink after. Not much to note. Just good to see old friends.

Stonecutter44 · 2021-01-26T19:36:58+00:00

Oys 6

38 y, GF 31 y, 180cm, 87,8 Kg, 1 kid 1.5 year and another on the way

Body

Worked out according to plan but got knee pain a couple of days after adding another set to the kettlebell squat/swing routine. While I don’t think its anything serious, had similar pain a couple of months ago when increasing weight on barbell squats and it improved in a couple of days, it does make it hard to move around. I will only workout upper body until a little bit better. It seems I have to increase intensity more slowly than I think when it comes to legs.

Sex

After hurting my knee I could not resist the warm fuzzy feeling of fucking my hand to porn while GF was in the bath. Weak as I almost managed a porn free week.

Sex has happened when I initiated. Tried to add some variety but any deviation from what we normally do is met with hard no. I do get less horny when met with no, sometimes even losing erection. I am doing my best to have a fun casual attitude about this.

Family / Relationship

Few stressful situations this week and but what happened i handled well. I still spot myself doing unattractive things regularly but it is more seldom and not as bad as before.

The most important thing for the family now is to buy a house. Preferably to move in before the new baby is born. This is not easy when housing prices as in many places are going crazy. We have been looking for houses for more than a year and Its depressing to realize that some areas we discarded when looking last year we can’t even buy in anymore.

This is a situation when I need to step up and decide what is best for the family. It is also a situation where the stakes are pretty high. It’s possible we stay rest of our life in this area.

The main decision I must take here is if I want to be closer to my parents so the children can get closer to their grandparents. This will also get us some help with caring for the kids. The downside with this is that it will increase commute time to the city as well as houses there are a lot more expensive giving us less house for our money. It will also get me further away from friends. Still I think it might be worth it.

Mental

Had a rough time in the beginning of the week. Started fantasizing about sex acts and a lifestyle that is not compatible with my GF and how we live. Lots of regrets I not live out this more in my 20s and early 30s. Started thinking, what if this my mission? Will i regret missing out? Wasted time reading about it and fantasizing about nuking family. Snapped out of it after having sex. Have to realize that these thoughts usually is a sign of me being horny. After cumming they go away.

Did avoid the OCD rituals mostly. Occationaly I still find myseld doing things twice and stop after that.

Career

I also have to decide where to take my career next. Since November I have been home with the kid for parental leave and that leave is ending now. I am a bit disappoited in myself here that I haven’t hit the ground running. My plan was to rent an office somewhere and start working on some ideas ive had to get out . Now when its time to start I just feel extremely lazy and get bogged down in admin and indecision. I need to add this section to my OYS to hold myself accountable for the future.

Reading all this I realize I sound extremely boring. Added goal for next week, Have more fun!

Redpdaddy · 2021-01-26T20:57:09+00:00

OYS #3
32Y, Divorced 2Y after 10Y relation. 1 4y Kid.
- Weight: 175 lbs 14% fat scale
- Height: 5'10
- BP: 198 LBS RM => 260 LBS Goal
- Squat: 175 LBS RM => 260 LBS Goal
- DL: 319 LBS RM => 440 LBS Goal

Goals:
- Kill my ego.
- Get laid.
- Learn.
- Continue the journey to be best version of myself.

Sidebar:
- NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rational Male All years, Book of Pook, Poon, Sex God Method, The Way of Men and currently reading MAP and WISNIFG.
- Got my books delivery, and shit man, I am willing to spin another parallel me just to spend huge time on the sidebar and books to learn.
- Last week posts about fucking and coverts hit me so I am back to restraining for masturbation and I already quit porn last year and will focus my energy on my goals. I want to be one of those who gets an erection on call, because it's a frustrating idea to have a girl back home, you are horny but your dk disobeys you.

Lifting:-
- Progressive overload in place, have shoulder pain so going to chiropractor.
- Will plan to go jujitsu next week by all means.

Family:-
- Planned the whole week activities with my boy with a calendar and my plan with that is to avoid fights over food, showers, cleaning... He get to chose the day but he doesn't get to escape/move away. So far he loves it and more willing to do/stop things.

Mental:
- I feel better, I have been easily spotting my ego and man it's all over the place so now I just burn it down and no more fuckery. Also spotting myself when I moved out of my center even lightly and that I want to remove totally, so wip.
- Decided to lower down/cut the useless friendships with aholes BP friends, it really pulls you back and also some of the mfs have ego, so imagine a BP faggot who begs a woman to go into LTR with, giving you advices that reminds me of how faggot I was and all the bs I did before so willing to find better company.

Relationships:
- I started to have more conversations with women at work and strangers specially when I feel like I don't wanna talk, I want to get rid of this autistic feeling.
- Got better pics so working on online dating now.

TheRealKakuzo · 2021-01-26T21:13:08+00:00

OYS #2 (previous)

27 years old, 5'11, 147lbs, single.

Reading: NMMNG, Bachelor Pad Economics.

NMMNG continues to eye-opening in many ways. I realized how deep my need of other people's approval is. I just want to be liked and accepted (cf. mission statement in OYS #1). That's why I avoid conflict, always follow rules, hide my weaknesses, not show my true colors if I believe other people might disapprove. As if I could fool anybody. Even in my last OYS, I've tried to perfectly adhere to the OYS rules in order to get approval from the guys here. I don't like being this needy and approval-seeking. Hopefully, continuing the NMMNG exercises will help me overcome this habit.

Last week, I've focused on clearly communicating my wishes and needs. Doing this is not selfish! A small example from last week: I've had plans to met with a friend after work. Shortly before our meeting time, I was already really hungry. Usually I would call my friend and say "Hey, what do you want to do later? Do you want to get food?". I always thought that this is polite, but it actually covers up my own interests and is only covertly telling him that I'm hungry. This time, I've directly said "I'm hungry already and would love to get some take-out food. Do you want to join?". It turned out he's had eaten already, so we moved our meeting a little later and I was able to get food beforehand. This is a very small change, but it already made a difference for me: With my usual approach I would feel rejected just because he'd say that he isn't hungry (because in my mind, he's rejecting my covert interest of having food together – which is all in my head). This time however, we just both expressed our wishes and then found a compromise we were both happy with, without any headaches on my end. One step forward.

Physical: Trained three times last week, gained 1lbs. Small progress in my push-ups and negative pull ups. I've hit my 3000kcal/day goal every weekday, but slipped on the weekend because I didn't prepare well enough.

Social: Re-connected with two friends whom I haven't seen for more than two months. My highlight of the week.

Relationships / Sex: Successfully abstained from porn, but masturbated once. I've read the NMMNG passage about healthy masturbation and realized that I still have "fantasy porn" in my head. I don't even know how I could masturbate without that! I guess for now the way forward is to completely abstain, so that will be one of my aims the next weeks.

I've been on walks in my neighborhood last week and saw the opportunity to talk to girls, but always chickened out. That's my biggest fail for the week. But the anxiety will only get better if I actually talk to strangers! I need to practice outcome independence and just fucking do it. Easier said than done.

This week will be extra stressful because of a deadline in my job. My main goal for the week is to keep my healthy habits (working out, diet, reading, abstinence) despite this extra workload. For that I need to schedule every day properly in order to not waste too much time.

ancient_resistance · 2021-01-27T00:23:33+00:00

OYS 36

Mid 30s, 5'10", 171lbs, 19%bf (Navy). Married 10 years, 4 kids ages 5-9. 5/3/1 PRs (5-rep): squat 190, bench 165, deadlift 260, ohp 95. Read NMMNG, Meditations, TWOTSM

7/7 random social interactions. The one on Sunday I was proud of. spoiler alert, no I didn't end up smashing pussy, not really an MRP-worthy story, just a successful, natural, non-autistic interaction with an attractive woman I didn't know.

Went hiking with a friend over the weekend. We roll up on a group of females, musta been 6-8, all early 20's college kids. At first I keep what I"ll call a respectful distance. didn't get vibes they were paranoid about covid or anything, but still. we ended up right behind them for a while, till we hit a kinda steep descent. the HB7 girl in front of me starts joking out loud how she's likely to fall down this one really steep area on a switchback. I blurt out "I would laugh" which gets a laugh out of her. she shoots me a smile and we keep hiking. a bit later my buddy and I take a different path that ends up joining back with them. I don't remember exactly how it went down, but I start chatting with HB7, and her friends end up either way in front of us or behind. we shoot the shit for like 20 minutes, she keeps shooting me side-eye smiles and looks, till she gets an ADHD moment and decides to stop and look at a rock or something. In the moment I can't say I actually thought about anything, other than the fact that I wanted to keep walking and I didn't want to seem too interested in her, so I kept walking and we waved goodbye.

Didn't even get her name, so was tempted to think of it as a letdown, but the more I thought about it, the more I saw how much growth ive gotten in these kinds of casual interactions. Biggest deal for me was how fucking natural the whole thing was. Lively, smooth, back and forth the whole time. From the first joke to the end, I wasn't thinking. I was just acting. well I can't say I wasn't somewhat thinking about how to guide the conversation, but overall it was waaaay more instinct than I've ever brought into a conversation like that. And I wasn't fighting strong anxiety like other times. I felt some, but overall I felt confident that I look good and I'm an attractive HVM that any 20-something woman would be glad to fuck if given the chance. and until the very end, she showed consistent IOIs.

The sudden break got me wondering what she was thinking though. Like did she stop suddenly to try to shake us off in a polite way, so she could get back with her friends? or did she stop to see if I would stop too, trying to gauge my interest? Overall i'm glad I exercised OI and DNGAF, and whatever happened, I got what I wanted from the exchange.

Progressing on lifts, on track to PR in the next couple weeks.

-AR

Kenny_Scolari · 2021-01-27T01:03:13+00:00

Biggest fuck up this week was at work.
Got into an argument with a coworker, who challenged my opinion on something and "knowing" I was "right" I went full DEER and got emotional about it. In front of other coworkers which made it worse. Total shit show.
To top it off, afterward I felt the need to bury the hatchet (seek validation) and own my mistakes (by DEERing again), which said colleague then happily talked about with everyone else.
I was/am filthy with myself. The automatic need to DEER is still proving a problem, as well as feeling like a kid in trouble.
Ive been given some great advice for helping change this behaviour, so as I get more experience I will hopefully get better outcomes.

Zesty807 · 2021-01-27T08:42:11+00:00

OYS #3

Me: 36 years, 82.5kg, 1.78cm (5ft10)
The missus: 37 years, together 13 years, de facto 6 years
2 kids, 1 under 4, 1 under 1.
Bench, 72.5kgx5; Squat, 80kgx7; Deadlift 100kgx10, Overhead press, 50kgx6. These are my current top lifts on 5/3/1. This is my first 4 week cycle and I’m still calibrating my estimated 1RMs.
Reading: NMMNG, MMSLP both (still) in progress. Reading the OYS thread, and listening to the livestream.

A point HOA made in a post resonated with me. It was that by this stage you should have read the side bar, prepared your MAP etc etc. I have not done those things, and what a surprise I am not at that stage.

I have read some parts of the side bar, but not nearly all of it. And I’ve only started but not finished many parts of it.

I feel like I’m all over the place and the bits are not gelling. Sometimes I’m purposefully good at stuff, so I’m gaming the missus and I think I’m doing it well but it takes a lot of effort. Other times I’m consciously incompetent, doing a shit job and seeing it happen. But most of the time I’ve realised that I’m unconsciously incompetent. I’m throwing random shit at the wall and seeing how it sticks, but I’m not seeing the whole picture. For example we had a few good weeks of sex and I thought I was hot shit. But now that’s dried up and my initiations are weak and I don’t know what to do. I guess this is the purpose of STFU to start with.

Reading:

I’ve read a lot of OYSs and posts throughout MRP. But I’ve slacked off on the books. I have NMMNG, WISNIFG and MMAP all on the go but I’m not regularly reading any of them. I’m prioritising reading them over MRP reddit for now.

Physical

I’m doing good here. Going to the gym consistently is a very straightforward activity that I can do. I have taken this more structured consistency to my work too, and that has made sure that I have time in my workday to go lift, and I am getting more work done. Win win.
Relationship
Well I got Rule9d a few weeks ago and it made me realise I was doing a lot of shit for validation. Reading the recent posts about validation made me realise that too. Now I’m scared that seeking external validation and convert contracts are hiding around every corner.
I notice myself focusing on my missus, and others and imagining in how can I do this well? But I don’t think I’m owning that sense of ‘doing it well’. I’m thinking how can I perform this thing so I look like I’m doing it well. That’s a real crutch so I’m hoping through actually doing more of the sidebar reading I’ll get a handle on sniffing out cover contracts and seeking validation.
Summary
More reading, less seeking external validation.

MuchAbouAboutNothing · 2021-01-27T16:06:11+00:00

Title: Backsliding little bitch

Blurb: Been in a 1-3 month backslide and I'm trying to turn my fucking anger at myself into action.

OYS #8 (#7, #6, #5, #4, #3, #2, #1)

26yo / 6'1 / 200lbs / LTR

Physical: Not bad but need to be more consistent. Tonight will work out and then make a morning routine to start me off on the right foot. Too many lazy mornings for my liking.

Work: Just fine. Need to spend more time on my business and grad school, but the day job is going fine. Time to start using a calendar properly.

Social: Full lockdown, so what. Time to step my game up here by reaching out and staying in touch with my circle.

Relationship: A mess. Need to read more. Seeking validation in all the wrong places. Will make the side bar and some of the mod posts bedtime reading.

Short and sweet because I know how I'm fucking up. This post is for me but feel free to point out all the ways I'm being a faggot and feel free to ban me if I'm complaining about the same shit next week or don't post next week.

interwebztufguy · 2021-01-27T16:44:18+00:00

OYS 13

Just when you think you're getting it, you realize that despite a modest increase in "IQ", you're still kind of retarded.

36, 5'9" 188, pretty jacked. Married many years, 3 kids.

Hit the gym 5 days, feeling good here. Nothing hurts too bad despite everything I'm doing. After 6 months of "bulking " and gaining about 20 lbs, I'm beginning to re-comp. Plan is to minimize weight loss and decrease body fat. Basically I'm eating cleaner on non weight training days. So far so good.

On other fronts, I haven't much to report. Like many have commented so far, the recent posts about jerking off/p0rn and how it effects your mojo really hit home. I'm still digesting how it has truly effected me , but either way I've adjusted my web browsing habits drastically. For example, since starting OYS, ive jerked off a handful of times. Down drastically from the multiple times per week prior to this process. But eventually I'd end up scrolling IG looking at thots, or clicking around different subreddits. And I wonder why progress in my sexual relationship comes in spurts and fits.

It's incongruent and I feel like it fuels anger and resentment which in turn feeds validation seeking, which means: no matter how much kino, game, passing shit tests, if your muscles are stressing the buttons on your shirt, you still have some kind of phagit pheromones emanating from you.

Here's how my hamster goes-> Look at fit chicks online > fantasize about banging fit chicks-> built up frustration because "oh I'm uh high smv alfuh, but my wife isn't always dtf, wtf?" -> meanwhile, wife looks great, making her own gainz, im still attracted-> "but why won't she xyz?" -> me: ah fuck, why should I put in so much to get not as much in return when there are bitches way hotter who ate begging for the d? -> but I'm still too much of a fag to do anything other than be silently resentful.

It's finally sinking in that I'm unable to provide the masculine leadership/ energy which I know I am capable of giving if I'm fingerfucking my screen all the time. I guess this is the next layer.

sidepiecebandit · 2021-01-28T03:28:20+00:00

OYS #46

168 lbs, 5'7, 17% body fat (Navy)

Things have been hectic these last two weeks. For good reason. Essentially working two jobs as I work to transition out of my current job to work full time on my mission. I'm engaged. I'm content. But it feels like there's not enough time in the day to do the small things I need done. They get completed, just feel like I'm rushing from one thing to the next. I'll have to manage my time better.

My back is gradually improving since I pulled it 3 weeks ago. Given new sets of exercises by my physiotherapist which I will need to stick to. Started working out again which is good. Keeping me sane. I need to keep my focus on my mobility and muscular health this year. In the last month I've spent about $1000 dollars on treatment alone (physio, chiro, massage). Further research and focus is required.

I'm finding myself at a point where these weekly check-ins seem less and less useful. But I know this is just my brain rationalizing why I should one drop another item from my schedule. It has been very beneficial to me over the last year so I will continue even when I have nothing much to report.

Just spent my first full week living in my new apartment. Very satisfied with my choice. My finances are good and tracking well. I'm essentially in self imposed monk mode and plates have been relegated to the side. Haven't missed one of them.

The only thing that is still on my mind is coming up and prioritizing what I want after this past year where I saw myself achieve all the goals I set for myself. I'm starting to thrive and find myself in uncharted waters. The wind is favorable, my sails are up, I have a general idea of my destination.

But I guess fear is still preventing me wholeheartedly going in that direction. Constant reminder for me to unapologetically go after what I want. I still struggle with this. I'm still cautious because a storm might be brewing. Sometimes still outcome dependent. Neurotic. Anxious. I've gotten better, but that voice is still there. What if? It brings up a lot of possibilities, most of which will never happen. That's my next challenge. Previously it was my anger which I felt I needed as fuel. Now, I need to name and address whatever this is that's keeping me being fully outcome independent.

Top_Ranger6006 · 2021-01-31T09:05:43+00:00

OYS 2

Stats: Age 36, Wife 35, married 13 years. 2 kids ages 4 and 6, 180cm and 84kg roughly 15% BF

Read: NMMNG, MAP, MMSLP, The Game, Way of the Superior Man, 48 laws of power, Rational Male, WISNIFG

Lift: Started Stronglifts in early Jan and am at 42.5kg squat, 40kg Bench and 60kg DL for 5x5.

Sex and Game: Took the advice from Horns of Apathy and focused on my STFU this week and definitely not getting into fights now. She’s brought up a couple of minor things that could have easily morphed into fights but I’ve STFU and she hasn’t brought them up again.

Sex is nowhere, initiated a couple of times this week and got shutdown but didn’t let it bother me and just rolled with whatever I wanted to do. Coming close to 4 months no sex it’s fuel for the fire though. Having a plan (focus on improving myself and progress through the dread stages) helps keep my focused and my mind off the sex for validation track.

Have also been 8 days now of no porn and no fap. I’ve done streaks like this in the past, definitely feels easier when you’ve got something to put your mind to and a brotherhood to hold you accountable.

Career and Finances: This area of my life is going the best, I’m at a good level careerwise, good income and financially in a strong position vs others my age, especially I am the sole breadwinner.

Interesting observation from this week was talking to some work mates about being an individual contributor vs management roles. IC in our space tends to pay more than the first level of leadership (and has a lot less headaches), but as you earn your stripes you progress up to more rewarding jobs with much bigger money.

I reflected on the conversation being that our current thinking is to stay as an IC because life is easier. Is that all we want for ourselves? Why not embrace a bigger challenge for less reward if it is in service of a higher purpose? Or is it better to see work for what it is and channel your energy into other pursuits? I suppose it depends on your mission.

Mission: I’m still working on this, somewhat vague but I try to live by a set of values and I really want to use my gifts to make a positive impact on the world, starting with my children and then radiating outwards. In the next 20-30 years I expect to amass a decent amount of capital which I will then deploy into something meaningful when I’m done working in a full-time job. Right now my mission is 80% focused on being a good rolemodel for my kids.

Fatherhood: This area tests me the most, with young kids being what they are it’s hard not to lose my patience. I’m firm with boundaries and also try to encourage them when they try new things. It’s always good to see them get over another behavioural challenge after reinforcing the correct behaviour for a few weeks.

Goals for this week:

See if I can maintain my streak of no fap and no porn, stay focused on what’s right in front of me (lifting as per the Stronglifts program, being the leader within the home, staying focused on what’s important and keep moving forward)

Equilibriun · 2021-01-27T14:40:05+00:00

OYS #1 I watch porn and I should not. Ineed more sleep but I waste time gaming and should not. I slack off at work and should not. I am inconsistent in my work outs. I want to get better at these things. Goals for the week. No porn. Work out to more times this week. Write it down. Show up next week for update

fwithaturtleneck · 2021-01-31T15:25:26+00:00

OYS #3

Stats

18 years old, 5'9", single, weigh 69kg last sexual encounter: April 2020.

This Week.

Again, not overly eventful. I was able to stick to the sleep habit but I wasn't able to get this post out earlier due to procrastination, a pretty big issue I have. I'm tryna still work on some more fundamentals right now of just getting everything in order and once I have it all set up, I'm going to try and push into that regard.

Everything else has stayed the same so If you want to know about those, check last weeks post: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l0fpkl/own_your_shit_weekly_january_19_2021/gjxjtm2/?context=3

Things I want to improve.

This week, I set out to just go for a walk every single day; just something that gets me out, as I have very little reason to do so. As well as this, I've set up to both write down my goals, a more "Self-help" orientated habit, as well as keep a good dental habit (Brushing 2 twice a day, everyday) which has been falling off with lockdown.

Next week, I'm setting out to finally start setting up habits that help me towards my college work and getting things done without procrastination. I'm open to suggestions, so any bit of advice helps.

Title	Own Your Shit Weekly - January 26, 2021
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	280
Date	January 26, 2021 8:30 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l59rs8/own_your_shit_weekly_january_26_2021/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/own-your-shit-weekly-january-26-2021.737254 https://theredarchive.com/post/737254

Comments

OYS 54

OYS #7

Reading

Physical

Style

Mental

Marriage

OYS – 1/26/2021

Behavioral

Fitness/Diet

Social

Game/Sex