One of the Benefits of Living Together... Splitting the Rent

Bitter_Froyo_6742 · 2021-07-12T04:12:57+00:00

This sub makes me feel a lot better about being a slob and terrible cook, because at least I don't have to worry about a man using me for my domesticity (of which I have none).

Other times it makes me feel a lot worse about it when you're roasting scrotes and I'm like "oh no, I'm kinda like the scrote", but even then it's good to be called out on my shortcomings

bokspring · 2021-07-12T13:44:21+00:00

My mother told me to never, ever, pay rent to sleep in a man’s bed and I never have. I was downvoted to shit for saying that on Reddit. Women are encouraged to just be a natural resource for some scrote to burn through. Don’t fool for it.

Story time.

About 20 years ago (at the age of 24) I moved in with the man I went on to marry. (Still happily married today). He mentioned in passing that I could pay half the rent. I laughed in his face and said absolutely not. He dropped it straight away but when his friends found out they all said I was a gold digger 🙄.

I didn’t have the expression ‘pickme’ back then but it would have applied to his female friends. I remember one couple in particular. She called me a ‘gold digger’ to my face. As she was cooking her boyfriend dinner. 🤡

I asked who had bought the food she was preparing? She had. Who cleaned the toilet? She did. Who made the most money? He did - of course. 🤡

You ladies won’t be at all surprised that he went on to dump her. In a pretty nasty way. Her visa came up and he refused to marry her or help in anyway and she just had to leave the country. 🤡🤡🤡🤡

habituallurker44 · 2021-07-12T02:05:58+00:00

Preach!! Always remember, we make their lives better, not the other way around. There's a reason married men live longer than single ones. Accept nothing but HVM. I am happily single. And I plan to stay that way when and if somebody HV comes by. I could literally live the rest of my days just like this, fully fulfilled in my roles as a nurse , mother, and friend.

shockingupdate · 2021-07-12T03:53:37+00:00

Not to mention it sounds like the concept of you moving in with him never came up…most likely because you’re living better and holding yourself to a higher standard solo. LVM are gold diggers

throwawayforunethica · 2021-07-12T04:30:22+00:00

I am a former true Pickmeisha, trying to establish boundaries and end a toxic relationship.

For 3 years, I have had my boyfriend living in my family's home with me.

I am a college student and I am also on disability, which I do hope to get off of and have a successful job once I am done with school.

My boyfriend has lived here for free. We have split groceries on and off relatively fairly for most of the time. But I have always spent more and bought fun food things more. (I don't even want to talk about how much I've spent on him outside of food items, that I'm buying with my disability check.)

I have mostly done his laundry. If I don't fold his stuff, it stays in the basket and his dirty clothes stay on the floor.

I don't bring shoes in my room, and I have a rug to wipe your feet when coming in my room. Somehow he always brings crumbs into my bed on his feet and there's always crunchies in my bed.

He and I can't share blankets, so I have made my bed in 2 ugly halves for the past 3 years. Somehow my fitted sheet is fucked up every night too so I basically fully make the bed every day.

Because it's my family's house, I have been the one to prepare every meal every day for both of us. He needs a lot of food and I spend a lot of extra time making his meals than I'd spend on my own. I also have GI illness that I need to specially cater my diet to and it has not been able to happen given the fact that I am chef for two and he needs more food than I do.

I clean my room, I clean everything in our immediate living space.

We have also had a nearly sexless relationship for a long time and for most of our relationship, I would get to experience reciprocation in 1/4-1/3 if our interactions on average.

I'm embarrassed to write this out because it's so fucking crappy to have been living like this for years, and I'm also ashamed that it seems like I'm just talking shit about him. I was a jealous, insecure, miserable girl for a long time.

I'm ready for a better part of my life and to be alone for years to heal and just be with myself.

You inspire me with your description of your home and with the reality that yeah, being a full time housemaid, chef, and providing all the household amenities (like your grill and deck and beautiful bathroom) right off the bat for a man just to save some cash is truly not worth it.

I'm scared but trying to allow myself to be excited for things like being able to make my bed up all beautiful how I want it, instead of making it in 2 halves, and having my room smell fresh and girly and not like a sweaty man cave all the time.

Thanks to anyone who read this.

Lowell_1935 · 2021-07-12T05:03:47+00:00

Ugh I lived with an ex who was just like that. I would be at work all day (he was on disability or BPD and had an online store for all sorts of crap, some of which he stole from me... I should have known better). He piled up dishes that HE used and refused to do them bc he didn't "like" it. When he was short on rent, I had to cover. He ate all of the food I bought, so I had nothing to eat when I got home from work. This was my dream apartment which I could have afforded alone (pricey, but i could do it), and the common areas were packed with bins of things he was planning to sell 🙄🙄🙄). He became very abusive, cheated on me, lied about the dumbest things... I ended up having to flee that apartment. He continued to stalk and harass me. I sought a restraining order, which was declined (ugh), but my new roommate got one so he couldn't come near our house. Although he still did. That roommate turned out to be even worse and more abusive. I now live alone in a spacious place with my cat, am single, no longer interested in n3m at all (I'm bi- still sadly attracted to some n3m), but I really am only interested in a loving relationship with a wom4n. They still make me very nervous and I don't ever know how to make a move or express my feelings, but I will get there. I love my freedom and independence, though. Yeah, no sharing rent or utilities, but you can't put a price on peace and regaining confidence and pride.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-07-12T04:54:39+00:00

Who's getting the better deal here?

hahahahahahhahahahaha

rhetorical question, I know. It's plain to see they are house-diggers and immediately do the math on how much money it will save THEM. they honestly don't give a shit about you. it means they just level up their living style and open up to a better living. that upgrade is going to be seen in their overall life and their attractiveness grows. less rent, more money to spend on themselves: clothes, gym, products, medical stuff. meanwhile, you will be only $ 850 richer but have more responsibility. they really did think of everything,

throwawayforunethica · 2021-07-12T02:07:36+00:00

If I found a craigslist post that said "$850. Access to full, well appointed property. Live in maid, chef, house manager, and laundress including. All groceries and utilities paid. Sex on demand with a hot male." I'd jump right on that lol.

Some-Air9442 · 2021-07-12T02:45:21+00:00

Dayum! Good for you. And do not let any weirdos, scrotes or hobo sexual into your space.

bigbluebridge · 2021-07-12T05:00:05+00:00

I love my home, and it is just the right size for me - set up for me and my accessibility needs. I have just one more surgery booked, and then I have a secure job to return to after I have healed. I also have a pension that I started contributing to at 22.

I won't allow any man to live with me without a legal agreement. I see far too many co-workers who have an ex-husband getting half of their pension (and I reside in an area where co-habitation becomes a legally binding common-law relationship after a year!) Any man that wants to disrupt my peace of living alone not only needs to be financially secure - he also needs to have a home stunning enough to lure me away from my own 😉

MsWriteNow07 · 2021-07-12T02:02:09+00:00

This is exactly why I do not believe in cohabitation. It’s not just that men are far more likely not to marry you and you’re more likely to get divorced if you do get married. It’s not even just that men abuse your emotional labor and take you for granted. It is that your lives become so enmeshed automatically! If you are just dating, you see a man on your terms. You get to choose when and how you engage with him and if you feel less than your best, you don’t have to be bothered. Your home is your own space. But when he moves in, he has 24 hour access to you and you no longer get to dictate those terms. You end up taking on so much more responsibility while getting far less in return, and the advantages of the relationship you did get-nice dates, thoughtful engagement, courtship-disappear. I will never live with a man is not my husband, and honestly I’m not too keen on a shared living space when I do get married. Separate space not only keeps the mystery alive, it keeps men’s expectations of emotional labor nonexistent.

SpiritualPlan5 · 2021-07-12T12:27:06+00:00

I put up with a LVM for way too long because I needed help with rent. In 2019 I found a place I could afford by myself and I haven’t been dealing with birdseed tossing men since. I just ignore them, whereas before when I couldn’t pay rent alone I would have. Financial freedom is everything. If you don’t need their help, don’t accept them into your home.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-07-12T05:01:04+00:00

This is do true. We are trained to not think of other people as exploitable resources, we get told to not put a monetary value on ourselves. Unfortunately, most men still view women as exploitable sources of freebies, so we have to look at our own choices from their perspective. One trap for women is forced naivete, where we feel evil if we don't act like a "good guy" character in a dumb cartoon meant for little kids. There's no evil in realistically assessing what we have to lose, or what can be used and abused.

glendoraza · 2021-07-12T02:06:57+00:00

This is why my husband pays the bills because he appreciates all that I do even though I work full time myself. I also work fewer hours and my job leaves me a lot of down time.

A good balance I say. But I say this is the bare minimum.

He doesn’t say dumb shit like “you woRK FuLL tiME so PAy 50/50”

DumpsterWitchy · 2021-07-12T17:15:13+00:00

And don't forget, you also have to move away/give up on a part of your belongings, so he can put his shit into your home. He needs room for all of his tools, boxes of porn magazins, his playstation and games, etc.

Good chance he might wants to throw parties at your house, just to show off, at what a nice place he lives. You can take care of his guest and their needs, cook for them and clean up the whole mess they leave for you. Oh, and hope that they won't use your bedroom to fuck/yerk off.

He will make your house dirty af. My stepfather does it. He doesn't give af, because I have to clean it. He walks around the house with his dirty shoes, because it is asked to much, that he takes them off when he comes in.

So yeah, you are better off with staying alone in your home. Also, I wouldn't wonder if he is going to install new house rules. I mean, it is his place, since he is paying rent, right?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-07-12T04:23:15+00:00

👏👏👏👏👏

This ten thousand times!

shelballama · 2021-07-12T09:22:42+00:00

Girl can IIIIII live with you? This sounds like paradise. I can only imagine how beautiful and clean it is.

FirePreferred_theOG · 2021-07-12T17:32:06+00:00

To this day, I don't know if I'd ever want to live with anyone ever again. I love being on my own and having my own space so much. It's healing and restoring to be able to have my own space. I don't even want roommates, ever. The 'extra cost' is worth it to me in order to live alone in peace. So grateful!!

So, if I'm moving in with a committed life partner, all expenses are on him and he better be ecstatic to have me and make me my own art nook and perhaps my own bedroom. Otherwise, he's not for me.

Mb9890 · 2021-07-12T02:29:38+00:00

Can i move in with you by any chance? Lol seriously though i wish i had a rommate who had similar thinking as me

ladybugjelly · 2021-07-12T07:32:08+00:00

If I want to split rent, I can get a female roommate. I don’t understand why it involves a man, relationship and myself.

Reception_Queasy · 2021-07-12T10:43:02+00:00

I was just discussing this with a few female friends over wine last night. It's funny how most women think the only thing they lose here is their independence to have their own space.

phulkari2784 · 2021-07-12T09:48:28+00:00

I got rid of a man who came to stay with me, felt entitled to sex, food whenever he wanted without contributing anything to the expenses. I had to call the society guards to throw him away. Such entitled pricks!

Davina33 · 2021-07-12T09:21:39+00:00

I've never split rent or bills with a man and I don't intend to. The most I've contributed is a bit of food shopping here and there. My money was always my own. I also have chronic illness so realistically, I will never earn as much as a man anyway. I've done all the housework and my ex cooked. Even that wasn't fair as I was too ill to do it a lot of the time. We always do more around the home as well as birthing children. How can splitting bills 50/50 ever be fair to us?

candyfox84 · 2021-07-12T17:45:11+00:00

You had me at All Clad.

wildlife_bee · 2021-07-12T07:46:33+00:00

PREACH!!!!

lansburysoda · 2021-07-12T11:57:28+00:00

I never get why women in this group assume they’ll be doing all the cooking and cleaning. You’re not a domestic servant. If he’s useless, why are you with him at all? Boy bye

throwawayforunethica · 2021-07-12T20:48:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rivdidit · 2021-07-12T14:41:29+00:00

Girl, stop paying that much for rent. Put that towards a mortgage.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-07-13T19:12:57+00:00

I once tried moving in to split rent. I had four months left on my lease and he and I agreed we’d both get four months of savings and then move to our respective own places.

Worst decision ever. I didn’t end up saving a dime. At least it was over after four months.

throwawayforunethica · 2021-07-13T07:40:09+00:00

These are lifetime pieces.

throwawayforunethica · 2021-07-13T07:24:10+00:00

Mmmmm...All Clad

warinmymind94 · 2021-07-13T04:34:14+00:00

Any time I lived with a man I would go on a cleaning strike, where I only pickup after myself. Within a few days, there was always so much trash on the floor, dirty dishes stacked high, cranky man baby because I would only cook for myself and not share, the floors would be covered in dirt that would start sticking to your feet. His dirty laundry all over the floor. It was always the same. And I hate to admit it but my father AND step-dad are the same way when my mom stops picking up after them.

Also why is 50/50 always just the guy ONLY splitting the cost of rent ? Notice they never factor in cost for electric, wifi, water, trash, and if you have a home phone, cable, streaming services/music services for the house to use, what about gas or heat bills? They also never bother doing HALF of the housework and errands. What about HALF the cooking? Hmm I haven't seen anyone living with a man where its actually split.

lolmemberberries · 2021-07-13T01:01:38+00:00

We're better off living alone if we're going to be doing everything ourselves. Your house also sounds fabulous.

Title	One of the Benefits of Living Together... Splitting the Rent
Author	throwawayforunethica
Upvotes	1396
Comments	147
Date	July 12, 2021 1:39 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oihcki/one_of_the_benefits_of_living_together_splitting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/one-of-the-benefits-of-living-together-splitting.791075 https://theredarchive.com/post/791075

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