Keeping your last name.

Pretend_Line6688 · 2025-03-01T15:17:55+00:00

I was very adamant about my ex NOT keeping my last name! She hyphenated when we got married - which I wasn't a fan of for many reasons - but I figured, we didn't have kids, she didn't get any degrees or do anything significant while having my last name so there was no reason for her to keep it. If she doesn't want me, she doesn't get to keep my name!

Important-Possible-3 · 2025-03-01T03:24:04+00:00

My stbx is whoring out on a military installation we work out absolutely obliterating my unique last name so I totally get it they should be forced to change imo

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2025-02-28T14:10:33+00:00

Not worth the fight, unless you have insane leverage or just feel like burning money.

Boomhower113 · 2025-02-28T13:49:27+00:00

I wanted to make it a part of the decree that she had to change it. My lawyer said that’s a losing battle and not to even bring it up.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2025-02-28T13:21:03+00:00

I don’t care for it, but I also saw how incredibly difficult it is to change one’s name.

She ain’t got my blood, so we at least know that. Otherwise? If a (wo)man wants to be called Muhammad Ali? Respect her wishes and call her Muhammad Ali.

(Behind her back though? If her mama named her “Clay”, I’m gonna call her Clay!)

Tonberry38 · 2025-02-28T07:18:47+00:00

My ex is keeping mine for the simplicity of its spelling. Yeah i really don't care.

Itchy-Story7484 · 2025-02-28T06:20:14+00:00

Okay .. everyone made me feel better I was confuse “you don’t us no more but still keeping my last name as yours!?”

Enkendu · 2025-02-28T04:18:44+00:00

I knew there were women lurking in this sub, but this question sure brought them out of the wood work with the downvotes and attempts at shaming.

The woman who chose to walk away, shouldn't walk away with the honor she gained when she made the promise, covenant, and vows to be in that family. If I destroyed the family, the dishonor should be mine just the same.

I don't really care anymore (I did once), and I don't think about it much anymore, but if she broke the family, she shouldn't get to carry the family name anymore. The shame and dishonor should be hers. I don't care if it's different from the children, she sure as hell didn't care when she destroyed their family, why does keeping the last name make any difference after that?

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-02-28T00:13:42+00:00

Mine never took it.

In fact, she wanted to change our child’s last name to her last name during the separation process.

Then again, she wanted a lot of things she didn’t get.

OchoZeroCinco · 2025-02-27T21:21:34+00:00

I live a pretty small town. It doesnt really bother me, but it was annoying when i meet new people and they know her, but ask me when they hear my last name if we are related.

cera6798 · 2025-02-27T21:10:56+00:00

Personally, as a woman, this is a decision I really struggle with.

Reasons to change: Not having that name anymore.

Reasons not to change: - It's been my name almost my entire adult life. - It's been my name almost as long as my maiden name was mine. - I built my career and connections with this name. Nobody knows me by my maiden name. - My kids have this name. - Changing everything sucks and requires more time consuming stupidity. - I also really hate the ties to my maiden name.

Emotionally, I want to change it back. But logically, points 3&4, on reasons not to change, will probably win.

Insight for the other perspective, if it helps anyone.

GenX_Flex · 2025-02-27T20:11:43+00:00

This is the only thing I questioned in front of the judge. Judge said too bad, so sad get over it.

Par_then_Bar · 2025-02-27T20:05:37+00:00

I have a very unique last name that carries recognition and it’s disappointing to see that she decided to keep it after proving she’s nothing but a lying tramp. BUT, that is the last name of my children and she didn’t want confusion when picking up or doing paperwork which is logical. Don’t worry, it’ll go away when her next supply is dumb enough to marry her.

sbayrunner · 2025-02-27T19:26:54+00:00

I understand the feeling. I did not want her to keep my name because she has done nothing to earn that honor. She thinks she has a better story to tell if she has an ethnic name, and she doesn't want to be associated with the shame from her brothers.

I did not tell her because I knew she would make me pay to change her name back.

She may think she is independent, but she still needs my name and my money. I view it as she can't get a better life because she can't let go of the past. Now, it is just a brand of an old cow left in the pasture to feed from the trough.

I change her name to Ex in my contacts. Evertime I send her an email, Gmail puts Ex in it.

Arislan · 2025-02-27T19:18:20+00:00

Yes this causes great rage for me. But nothing I can do.

Historical_Eye3756 · 2025-02-27T18:17:25+00:00

I don’t care…. It’s like I left my mark on her for other men. lol.

ImNotYourGuru · 2025-02-27T17:18:43+00:00

unless you are a Rockefeller I don’t feel you should worry that much. Have in mind that if she change her last name the kids and her will not share last name and that can be a little weird no?

StickOtherwise1449 · 2025-02-27T16:21:02+00:00

She can keep it!!! I swipe left on anyone who shares her first name anyways so there will never be an issue of two running around with the same name! 😂🤣😂

yankeephil86 · 2025-02-27T16:16:11+00:00

That’s pretty petty, especially if you have kids. If there’s kids involved, she should definitely be entitled to keep the same last name as the kids. If there’s no kids involved and you’re that petty, you can try to get it added to the divorce decree.

Knave7575 · 2025-02-27T16:14:11+00:00

Why on earth would I care about the name my ex chooses to use?

AvacodoCartwheeler · 2025-02-27T16:10:20+00:00

It never really occurred to me to be upset about it.

babaisking · 2025-02-27T15:59:26+00:00

Yes it’s annoying.

dave2118 · 2025-02-27T15:39:59+00:00

I was upset about it, but a year later, she doesn't deserve my last name.

tvicl69BlazeIt · 2025-02-27T15:05:24+00:00

Hey buddy I’m just glad I got to keep my last name when she left

thenarcostate · 2025-02-27T14:52:11+00:00

inwas overjoyed when my ex wife got remarried and lost my name.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-02-27T14:49:48+00:00

Annoying? Yes. But we've got kids. Frankly I think it makes sense.

A year or two later you wont care.

Source: its a year or two later and I dont care

IAPiratesFan · 2025-02-27T14:45:47+00:00

I don’t care. She wanted the same last name as the kids, she said it was strange growing up that her mom had a different last name than her and her brother.

I’d only ask if she could change it back if I were dumb enough to get married again and the new wife had the same first name as the ex.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-02-27T14:15:59+00:00

There are 5 people on planet earth with my last name....my dad, myself, my 2 kids, and her. The reason nobody else has it is an amazing story of human courage, grit, mental toughness, and general badassery. She has none of those qualities.

But at the end of the day it was me on one knee asking her to marry me, not the other way around, so it's on me. I'm sure she will get remarried at some point....I can wait.

Commercial_Music_931 · 2025-02-27T13:44:19+00:00

Mine had that shit filed at lightspeed before the initial hearing even.

Lukkychukky · 2025-02-27T13:40:54+00:00

While I get it, I've seen in the military how much of a hassle it is to change one's name. It's far more involved than you'd think. This is further complicated by the fact a lot of people have children, and the thought of not sharing the same last name as one's children can be deeply uncomfortable. It's okay to be bothered by this fact, that she's keeping your name. But you've gotta move on. Otherwise it'll just keep holding you down.

soundbarrier47 · 2025-02-27T13:38:31+00:00

My ex kept the last name, I asked if she could go back to her maiden name, she answered with “talk to my lawyer if you want to talk with me.”

jimsmythee · 2025-02-27T13:36:26+00:00

My exwife kept my name after the divorce, so it would be the same name as the kids.

One year later, she got remarried and took his last name. 3 months later she told me she was going to change out 2 daughters last names to her new last name. I told her “I’m not some dead beat dad. We have 50/50 custody. I will fight you on this.” She tried to convince the kids, but they both said they didn’t want to, so she dropped it.

Three months later? Her new husband left her and divorced her. She thought about going back to my last name, but she didn’t.

Now she’s talking about going back to her maiden name. Just needs some cash to pay for the name change fees.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-02-27T13:18:30+00:00

One of things you can’t do anything about so if it’s occupying space in your head, totally a you issue. But yeah, annoying.

salty-sheep-bah · 2025-02-27T13:08:11+00:00

Mine changed her name back like it was some personal jab at me. Seems stupid to me not to have the same last name as your kids but I suppose I'm just old.

drase · 2025-02-27T13:06:30+00:00

Ya, it bothers me. Her name is “Cheater” now in my phone.

lebonroidagobert · 2025-02-27T13:01:26+00:00

mine moved my last name to her middle name and put her last name back to her maiden. she sucks. who cares. ❤️

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-02-27T12:30:53+00:00

Shame, you shame them to do so, especially if they cheated.

You can also through a few extra thousand in settlement, if they change it within a certain time limit. No change, no extra $$.

Legally, nothing can be done unfortunately in most jurisdictions.

Exotic-Belt-6847 · 2025-02-27T11:49:02+00:00

I couldnt care less. If she keeps it attached it just tells me I couldnt have been all that bad. She is the one bound by something that will always remind her.

henrylniv · 2025-02-27T11:45:07+00:00

I changed her name in my phone the day after she told me she was leaving, and wasn’t attracted to me anymore, didn’t want my influence in my life and that at it was a mistake we got married. Back to her maiden name. So at least when she texts or calls about the kids I know she did this, and that she is not the same person. I don’t care about her legal name- that’s her burden now. But I’m going to start thinking of her without that name connection from now on.

blearowl · 2025-02-27T11:20:12+00:00

Yeah, you get no say in the matter whatsoever.

I know a woman who liked her married name much more than her maiden name, and MUCH MUCH more than her husband. She divorced the guy, kept the name. Then got a new guy, but still had her first husband’s name.

Actually been with a guy 10+ years, still has ex-husband’s name. The end.

muscularmusician · 2025-02-27T07:11:38+00:00

My ex changed her name before things were even official .. to some random name... felt like she stuck her hand in a scrabble bag and had to make a name from the letters.. then I found out from my daughter she made up some story about it being some middle name.. lol. Right.. was very weird.

woahbrad35 · 2025-02-27T07:03:29+00:00

Lol you think that's bad? I never cared if she changed her name, but when we were together, my ex somehow changed her actual birth certificate. She changed her first, middle, and last name... so there's this person I pretend no longer exists running around with my great grandmother's name as her middle name and my last name as her last name like it's totally normal.

AllTheGoodys · 2025-02-27T06:22:51+00:00

So let me get this right, men want women to change their name to suit them But when they don't want to change it back after divorce because 1)it was a big ass fkn hassle to do it the first time, fk doing it again and 2)most women want to keep the same last name as their kids - it's suddenly an inconvenience? Wild.

leegiovanni · 2025-02-27T06:08:37+00:00

Dudes, have some perspective.

If she’s keeping your last name, she’s the one living with a burden of a failed relationship. Move on and you are free, not her.

Keep skulking about it and you’re the one living with the burden instead.

Gosh. Are you men or women?

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-02-27T05:59:21+00:00

I was! I was! Really pissed me off. I actually asked my lawyer if there was anyway we could force her to change her last name. We could not.

Her rationale was that she wanted to have the same last name as her kids.

Lugubrious_Lothario · 2025-02-27T05:52:17+00:00

She kept everything else, why not?

Title	Keeping your last name.
Author	Usernameisguest
Upvotes	41
Comments	81
Date	February 27, 2025 5:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iz8uyh/keeping_your_last_name/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/keeping-your-last-name.1545089 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545089

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