Would you do it all over again?

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-04-21T00:41:14+00:00

I don't know, financially it sucks to start over in my 50s. I missed red flags for her sensitivity to criticism and that she left her boyfriend for me and now doing the same to me. Oh well, at least I have have 2 kids.
She was ok in some ways but in the end we grew apart so much and apart from the kids had nothing in common.
I did get to learn some life lessons along the way though especially at the end of the relationship.

LonelyNC123 · 2026-04-20T11:56:23+00:00

HELL FUCKING NO.

antouzzz · 2026-04-20T08:29:25+00:00

Yes for my daughters. But if i could have the same daughters with a more normal and understanding wife then no.

woahbrad35 · 2026-04-19T16:18:36+00:00

No. I already had my kid before I married her. I would have liked to have learned some of the same life lessons I've learned since then, but the marriage and subsequent divorce fundamentally changed me as a person physically and mentally. I have a panic disorder, digestive issues, chronic pain, chronic fatigue. I swear I aged twenty years in 8 years.

coffeefrog92 · 2026-04-19T15:55:29+00:00

I'd do it all over again just for the kids.

If I get a second chance and we're allowed to act differently, I'd be way stricter about keeping third parties out of our business on both sides.

mdh5326 · 2026-04-19T13:58:06+00:00

Yes. Here’s why.

To practice letting go. Most of the pain that comes with sudden changes is the resistance to change.

It’s not about understanding why they did it and figuring out exactly how much of a villain they are. It’s about accepting reality and developing the ability to not attach to the moment but to see it as something that could change in an instant.

That’s the only reason why I’ll go back in time and experienced it all over again. To observe, knowing it’s not meant to last.

Federal_Repair1094 · 2026-04-18T12:48:26+00:00

If I was to do it over again, I would pass on my ex wife.

Under_Covr · 2026-04-19T10:59:05+00:00

I’d leave her barefoot and pregnant in high school instead of doing the right thing.

Retying3043 · 2026-04-19T01:22:36+00:00

No way. Time Machine would be my way out. Give me the Time Machine.

IamKyleBizzle · 2026-04-19T00:37:47+00:00

No chance. I love my kids but I’d likely have different kids I love with but with a person worth loving instead.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-04-18T21:35:43+00:00

Yes I would. And not just for the kids. That’s too easy to say. We had about 13 years together before kids, and most of them were great. It’s too easy after all is done to say that you don’t want your freedom. Nobody made my decisions for me. That’s what freedom is. I’ll accept my mistakes along with my victories. She was a great girl for a long time. Too bad she flipped at the end.

Coffeecankicker · 2026-04-18T21:18:07+00:00

Nope. Not at all. And won’t do it again. Absolutely not.

bk2747 · 2026-04-18T20:29:14+00:00

Unfortunately yes because my son was a result of it and I wouldn’t change things if it meant he wouldn’t be on earth with me.

Now if we didn’t have a kid then ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!!!!!!!!!‼️‼️‼️

mason2393 · 2026-04-18T18:15:48+00:00

Was just told she wants a divorce last night so still very emotional about it. I would say yes I would. We came into each other's lives at the perfect time it seemed like. We both had a child outside of the relationship so we had that bond from the start. I really tried to make it work and wish I could've done more for the marriage.

Pmoneywhazzup · 2026-04-18T17:51:35+00:00

We can’t erase the kids. But if the kids weren’t part of the equation, there is no way in hell I would have married her if time machines existed.

MiloGoesToPorridge · 2026-04-18T16:13:00+00:00

If I were to say no, I wouldn't have my beautiful little girl who means everything to me.

If she didn't exist though, I wouldnt have given my ex a second glance if I had that flux capacitor along with the required 1.21 gigawatts of electricity.

Worldly_Diver9265 · 2026-04-18T16:10:47+00:00

Nobody would!

Clear-Sail-5298 · 2026-04-18T16:10:29+00:00

For my kids

But I’d have a better set exit plans

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2026-04-18T15:54:23+00:00

Yes. I have 4 amazing kids and I'd go through the hottest hells and most immense pain for them. So yeah, I'd go through that relationship again.

hungcook8378 · 2026-04-18T15:01:56+00:00

If I still had the kid no if I had to do it again for the kid yes. My kid is my world.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2026-04-18T15:01:51+00:00

If I had a time machine, I’d go back and work on myself a lot earlier. And if I fixed those things, I never would have gotten with my ex in the first place.

Adaptable_Path · 2026-04-18T14:39:19+00:00

Yup. But only more healing can change that.

psychcaptain · 2026-04-18T14:36:29+00:00

I would have to. My kids are just too important to screw up

JayRock1970 · 2026-04-18T14:18:54+00:00

That's a really tough one. She was intoxicating and toxic at the same time.

Always-tolkein · 2026-04-18T13:28:46+00:00

Yes because I was the one to mess it up from the start. I would absolutely jump in that Time Machine and undo everything I did.

throwaway_coy4wttf79 · 2026-04-18T12:43:13+00:00

With a prenup, yes. All my pain has been financial.

Beginning-Town-7609 · 2026-04-18T12:14:18+00:00

A solid NO for me.

PghSubie · 2026-04-18T12:03:20+00:00

I married, I divorced, I LEARNED how I had chosen poorly and made the wrong priorities,, then I made a much better choice, and married again. Nope, not interested in trying over with the first wife

StarXXIV7 · 2026-04-18T11:24:52+00:00

I would say yes. I would change the moment where I messed up and caused the reason for the divorce.

WarrGo1 · 2026-04-18T11:22:00+00:00

Short answer No. ( The only exception is my two boys ) I loved my wife. She was my best friend. We had some great times together but when she told me after almost 23 years married she wanted a divorce. It took all the good times and turned them into bad memories because that person no longer wanted me. She said I hope we can still be friends. I told her it doesn’t work that way.

Brues · 2026-04-18T11:12:53+00:00

nope

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-04-18T10:02:38+00:00

Still debating - although I am currently with a great woman. Our scars run deep.

Ok_Industry3016 · 2026-04-18T07:02:27+00:00

Treat my exes in a way to keep them by my side, Some were bad eggs sometimes I was.

LaCathedrale · 2026-04-18T05:58:16+00:00

They gave me my kids, and I cannot imagine life without those little girls - so yes, I would suffer it again for them.

If kids weren't in the picture - then I would definitely date her but then when the first signs of discontent started to arise I would end the relationship. She was great for a tryst but not relationship material.

OkJaguar5013 · 2026-04-18T05:58:12+00:00

Married no. Date and leave after a few years sure.

TopSwagCode · 2026-04-18T05:47:19+00:00

Yes. I would.

veinychocolate · 2026-04-18T05:31:09+00:00

Absolutely not. I thought loving someone meant giving 100% of yourself and they'd give 100% of themselves in return. Turns out, my 100% was sustaining things and she was giving 0%. As I got more and more depleted, the relationship got worse and worse. Until I finally realized that I married a narcissist and the love I felt in the beginning was my own love. She never loved me and only married me because of what I did for her. Dependable and loyal like a puppy. Once I found some self-respect it all went to shit, and now she has ruined me. I definitely would not do it all over again, and once I get out I never will do it again.

fiddsy · 2026-04-18T05:18:25+00:00

Yes but id have left 7-10 years earlier.

SomeoneInQld · 2026-04-18T04:43:19+00:00

No.

_NeXXeR_ · 2026-04-18T04:38:14+00:00

Nope. Would rather take my chances walking through an unmarked minefield.

Puzzleheaded_Monk_39 · 2026-04-18T04:22:33+00:00

Yea since I have a kid. But I would divorce her sooner since she used the kid as leverage day 1 of pregnancy. Right after kid stops boobing I would file.

SalaryDull5301 · 2026-04-18T04:07:10+00:00

1st one yes, 2nd hell no

brebel240 · 2026-04-18T03:24:07+00:00

It’s different because I have kids. Of course I’d redo everything as is. But if I had no kids? HELL no.

BloodstainedBearRug · 2026-04-18T03:16:48+00:00

IF thats the only way I can get my son, yes I'd do it again.

Plotnikov34 · 2026-04-18T03:10:02+00:00

No.

I am now a childless man in my 30s trying to start over after my former spouse, who said for out entire marriage that she wanted children (and even asked me if I did before she agreed to marry) left me after falling into a BPD "new favorite person" fixation (like, to the point of being an emotional affair, if not a physical one- and I have my suspicions of it being a physical one) of a trans boy she met in college and deciding she needed to transition, renounce her plans for motherhood, and leave me if I wasn't totally supportive of that (and she pressured me to question my gender as well- it was like she needed our relationship to be queer in some way for it to be okay with her). She had never once expressed any sort of gender dysphoria prior to meeting this guy. I had hoped that my eight years of supporting her through depression and helping her stop her self-harming behavior would result in her someday remembering that she loved me. Instead, I got emotionally abused for almost a decade and then abandoned.

At the age I am, my father had four children. He also got divorced, yes- actually, he also married a woman with BPD, my mother. But he has a family now. I do not know if I ever will. I had other options; there were some other women who were interested in me. Now they are gone into the arms of others and I am bereft.

DopamineDebtCollectr · 2026-04-18T03:09:09+00:00

No way. I ignored too many red flags, she was the first woman to give me such attention (love-bombing), and I just floated forward into it. We have 2 kids that I'm retaining primary custody of and I have a great relationship with, so in this thought experiment I tell myself I can't have them without the marriage, so it was worth it, but I dunno.

curiouszm · 2026-04-18T03:03:16+00:00

Probably not, yes I have grown and improved in many ways during the past few years, but the pain and emotional roller-coaster leads to a bigger setback.

Owww_My_Ovaries · 2026-04-18T03:02:17+00:00

Nope. Not a chance. Not a chance in hell

Title	Would you do it all over again?
Author	Sad-Ad4933
Upvotes	17
Comments	76
Date	April 18, 2026 3:00 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1solrv0/would_you_do_it_all_over_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/would-you-do-it-all-over-again.1578216 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578216

Comments