I've been going to online therapy sessions at the recommendation of my therapist who thought it would be good for me since I'm so isolated. It surprisingly has helped and I'm grateful for her advice.

However, while most of these sessions are for only women some of them are open to the general public so men can attend them too.

We were sharing things about ourselves and our coping methods, etc. I told the group that I've been exploring hobbies and interests to stay busy such as: gardening, learning about butterflies, making earrings, make-up, nail art, fashion, sewing, crocheting, hiking, Pilates, yoga, weight-lifting, boxing, bellydancing, self-defense, woodmaking, baking, gun shooting, podcasts, and more.

I kinda went on a tangent but that's because I tend to get nervous when speaking in front of others. Most of the women expressed their fascination with what I said but the men? Some of them looked skeptical. One of them told me: (direct quote)

"Damn, your listing of hobbies made me tired trying to keep up. Isn't it too much? You sure you have time to do all that?"

I felt put on the spot and kinda humiliated since I could see a lot of the men in the session nodding in agreement. My heart was pounding so loud, my stomach going into knots and I could feel myself dissociating again but I managed to pull myself together. I remember saying, "I don't need you to keep up with me." before I could even think about it. It was in a quiet, shaking voice but I looked into the camera as I said it. Which is a huge step for me because of my social anxiety.

There was a few awkward laughs but the subject was changed to another one. He tried reaching out after the session was over but I blocked him instead. This is a 35 year old man, by the way. I didn't feel safe or comfortable talking to him so I didn't allow him into my "space."

I've been sitting on it for a full day and night now and the more I think about it, the more annoyed I get.

Why do men think that women don't have any hobbies? More and more, I see this all over social media and on TV. Women and girls being labeled as vapid if they don't have hobbies, but immature if those hobbies are too "girly" and/or doesn't have men's approval. We get shamed no matter what. I did, even if it wasn't intentional. Or maybe it was, I don't know for sure.

Online therapy sessions was supposed to be my safe place. Now I'm going to attend only the ones for women because I can't put myself through that again. It triggered something in me that I didn't even noticed was there.

I didn't know where to post this without being attacked or something and I can't talk to my therapist about it until Monday either. So yea.