Own Your Shit Weekly - November 17, 2020

dukewayneismyhero · 2020-11-19T22:18:57+00:00

OYS #8

Been at this for 14 weeks now.

AGE: 41, wife 41. Married 11 years, together 14 years. No kids.

6’2”, 239 lbs.

LIFTS: Squat – 220, DL – 240, BP - 200

READING: Finished NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TPF, TTGTW, Rational Male, TMAP, TBOP, TWOTSM, 48LOP.

BACKGROUND: ILYBINILWY 14 weeks ago.

PHYSICAL:

Continuing morning cardio and evening lifts each day, 5 days a week. Strict calorie and macro tracking. Total weight lost: 50 lbs.

My state has gone back to a pseudo-lockdown and gyms have closed yet again, likely for the next 8 weeks. Luckily I had planned ahead and built as much of a home gym as I could over the last 4 weeks. It’s not great, but it will do.

SOCIAL:

With the return of the lockdown last week, going out and hanging out with friends is off the table for the most part. I still managed to head out twice this week and spend time with friends in small groups.

CAREER:

I haven’t discussed my career much in OYS, as it was the one thing in my life that I had been happy with. On Monday this week, the owner of the company brought me a high profile client file that the VP of sales fucked up royally. When he came to me he said “Dip Shit fucked this up. If this account doesn’t close this year, our growth for 2020 is fucked. I know you are good at cleaning up messes, I need you to fix this.” I glanced at the file briefly with him sitting at my desk. I looked at him and told him “I will fix this for you. When I do, I want an hour of your time to discuss my future in the company and what I will do to make you more money.” He laughed and told me “If you salvage this shit storm, you can have as much time with me as you want.”

I spent the last 72 hours of my life completely re-working the file. I negotiated with downstream suppliers, I smoothed shit over with the client, I re-wrote the contract and pushed it through legal, I locked everything in. Fucking crushed it. I saved our biggest client that we’ve had in 15 years and salvaged $23M in 2020 revenue for my company.

This morning I walked into the owner’s office and dropped the file on his desk. “Done. Let’s meet at 11:00am tomorrow.” He looked up from his computer…”Fuck you. There’s no way…” and started reviewing the contract.

I have a meeting with him tomorrow at 11:00am. I want the VP of sales position or something similar. The plan is to tell him exactly what I want and exactly what I will do to get there. I know what I want out of my career, and I am going to take it.

MENTAL:

For the first time in a long time I’m starting to feel good about where I am. I know I am making progress, and I know that there’s still very much to tackle. For the first time I want to run towards new challenges instead of running away from them.

MARRIAGE:

Race Girl has been upgraded to plate. I could go into the story about how it all went down, but it doesn’t matter. I fucked her after class 3 times last week. As I believe Horns said during the live stream…I wanted to fuck her but I was scared to. It took considerable effort to push through the fear. Not giving a fuck and taking what I want are two things that are most congruent with the mental models and frame that I am building. I wanted to fuck her, so I did. In the end, I feel good about it.

Sex at home last week was decent. I initiated 4 times and was hit with a hard no only once. Some things like blowjobs are back on the table, but my wife pushes back against rougher sex and being submissive. At the current moment, I am getting those desires fulfilled by Race Girl. All things considered, I fucked 6 times last week in total – which is more than I have in the last 4 years combined.

Shit tests at home have died down quite a bit. My takeover of the household finances was a week ago and I have managed to get all of the debt paid off and assets consolidated.

My leadership around the home and the marriage is being followed with little resistance. I no longer ask my wife to take care of things around the house. If I see something that needs to be done, I start working on it and she will swoop in and help without me needing to ask.

I have begun being greeted by a submissive wife when I get home from work, when 15 weeks ago I was being greeted by bitching, tantrums, and nagging. As such, my home stress levels have dropped dramatically. I am sleeping better, doing better at work, better at the gym, and mood is improved 1000%.

As I mentioned last week, I feel a storm brewing on the horizon. At first, I thought it was possibly a Main Event spinning up…but now I think it’s something completely different. The storm brewing is representative of my ultimate decision on what I want to do....

I know that I have said from the beginning that my intention was to use my wife as a sparring partner until I was ready to leave. Others called me out on the possibility that part of me really wanted to save the marriage. I was not ready to admit to myself or others that it was true, but it is. The tiny nagging voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me that I have been winning in all of these things over the last 4 months; so why can’t I win at my marriage too? I think this is ego starting to fuck with me again. I have yet to find any proof of infidelity on my wife's part, but only a fool would think that hasn't happened.

GOALS: Continue (at home) gym sessions 5 days a week- no missed days. Keep diet on point with no cheat days. Continue abstaining from porn and smoking. Work towards abundance in all areas of my life. Lock in a promotion at work.

JCX_Pulse · 2020-11-17T16:47:18+00:00

11/17/20 OYS #50

34 5’10 185 11% BF Separated

READ: NNMG x3, Subtle Art x2, MMSLP, MAP, 31 Days to Masculinity, SGM, TRM, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, The Unchained Man, The Book of Pook, The Obstacle is the Way, Ultimate Alpha (waste of time), Let Your Inner Alpha Loose, Alpha Male, What Women Want When They Test Men, Find Your Path, Open Her, As you are

READING: Millionaire Next Door, TWOTSM (round 2)

Lifts:

Little light on lifts (4 days) last week due to crazy work week. However, I’m shredded and I don’t know why. Could be closer to 9-10% BF. I look decent but am still chasing strength. Looks like gyms are closing again though, so who the fuck knows what will happen to my strength.

Social:

Lots of stuff this week, work related, felt good to be back out. Went to dinner with a coworker I’ve been working on my project with but hadn’t met in person. She was incredibly flirty all day and after dinner called me on her way home. She’s cute, but I’m not interested in shitting where I eat. Some other chick slid up into my DM’s and has been trying to get to know me, but she lives far away and I don’t do long distance.

Financial/Career:

Missed last weeks OYS because of the project I’m on at work which started production last week. Really long and stressful final week, but the results have been positive so far. Two-thirds of the way done and my boss has been complimentary (in his actions) with how I’ve been able to lead us and our partners through some rocky patches along the way.

I picked up another potential client for my side business and am locking in the second “client”, which happens to be my former in-laws business. There could be some conflict of interest here, but money is money and I’m a whore.

Mission/Goals:

Live a free and authentic life.

Divorce:

Gotta own my shit here. Fucked up and fell behind on some paperwork so I spent the weekend finishing up paperwork that I should have completed months ago. I lost track of what I owe the court and I burned my weekend because of it.

Found out my ex is in town so I dropped off the docs to her parents house personally to make sure there were no complications from mailing them. She wasn’t home at the time, and I’ve remained NC since March despite her texting me on Friday.

The rest of the week, between work and lifts, will be dedicated to finishing the remaining paperwork, which isn’t due for a few more months, to make sure I don’t leave any holes for the court to delay the process.

Mental:

Mentally drained from work, but otherwise good. A few months ago I would be torn up about doing anything related to the divorce (sad, unmotivated, wouldn’t do anything, generally being a pussy). However, going to the ex-in-laws house, knowing my ex was in town and having to be in the same house as her (even with her not home at the time), talking about the divorce with her parents (and her mom who always cries whenever she sees me) hasn’t bothered me at all.

At first I thought this was because I was burying something, or bottling it up. Hiding myself from my true feelings to avoid feeling bad or something...but, nope. There’s nothing left. I don’t feel sad, I feel excited to get this thing taken care of.

Her parents took me out to dinner and we chatted and her mom cried more but it’s not my fault her daughter is a piece of shit.

They both told me that my ex is in a horrible place. She’s miserable in her life and when they told her I was dropping off documents she burst into tears and hid in her room (teenagers, am I right?). Her mom said whenever she mentions my name my ex cries. I said “I have that effect on women” and laughed it off. I think there’s something here about being self-deprecating, but I’m not trying to fuck her mom, so whatever (what a power move that would be though).

What’s of note is my ego is absolutely loving that my ex is in a miserable place. I love to hear about how fucked up her life is. She tried so hard to replace me with a new model and failed, hard. As I’ve talked about before, when men get cheated on they feel inadequate. All the time I felt inadequate is turning back around into an ego-maniacal pat on the back. I can’t get too caught up in this, but I definitely did get incredibly cocky last Friday when a lot of this information came out.

Now that I’ve had a few days to check myself, I’m feeling less of the ego trip about it, but it doesn’t feel bad either. I know I can’t measure myself against this “win” either. Basically I’m chalking it up to a “I told you so” moment, where I knew I would make her regret her actions by focusing on dominating my life when it all ended. This is just a proof point along the way that demonstrates the promise to myself of becoming the man I want to be.

HornsOfApathy · 2020-11-18T01:21:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rightsided · 2020-11-19T13:17:14+00:00

OYS #44

Married: 3 years. 3 kids [6,3,2yrs], 1 on the way.

Height: 6', Weight: 98.6kg (+1.5kg) – Navy Method: 16% -- Target: 91kg /10~12% BF

-PRs as of 11/11/2020-

SQUAT: 320lbs x 5 - 350 x 1

BENCH: 220lbs x 6 - Target: 310 x 1

DEADLIFT: 400lbs x 2 – Target: 450+ x 1

OHP: 205 x 1 – Target: 220 x 1

Reading: Principles, The Little Book of Stoicism, TWOTSM, Starting Strength

I bought Meditations Audiobook.

Health:

Following the SS strength progression has gotten me the strength gains I’ve been wanting, though very slowly. I’ve learned quite a bit. For instance, When I warm up squats I have to progress in smaller increments I.e. Bar -> 135 -> 220 -> 285 -> Sets for the day. I made the mistake, last week, of jumping from 245 straight to 315 and paid the price. Form was off, and I was unable to do more than 3 reps before re-racking. Next squat day, I’ll be resetting what my 5RM is to make sure I’m actually doing my 3x5.

I’ve adjusted my strength goals to just get me into and over the 1k lbs club by the end of this year. Which would be a fair accomplishment for me.

Some weight gain, but I’m fine with it as long as I see numbers increasing. I AM eating too much, and probably can lose more than I am willing to admit, due to my BF% being what it is.

Going Forward:

Reach 199lbs 12/31/2020.
Achieve strength targets 12/31/2020. -in progress

** Career:**

As noted in all my previous OYS, I’ve been balls deep with studying for a cert I took on Wednesday. I’ll get the results this evening, and feel somewhat confident that I passed.

Going forward:

Expand network, skills, and improve social circle. – in progress
Complete certification 11/18/2020. – in progress

Mental:

I focused, mostly, on my studies this week, skipping the gym the day before my exam. Anxious, but that is to be expected.

The 18th would’ve been my mother’s 58th birthday, and I have been fine with it so far. I can finally feel myself healing, beginning to understand and accept her death. The problem was because I had never faced or had to face death so intimately. Truly understanding that tomorrow is not promised no matter if the person seems to have years ahead of them. I used some stoic quotes to walk myself out of a mental minefield that I was beginning to dive into. ‘He suffers more than necessary, who suffers before it’s necessary,’ really helped me to come back and present in the moment, instead of conjuring of futures/pasts that don’t exist.

I talked with my dad today, and I always enjoy talking with him. He’s become so ‘aware’ it’s funny. He sees through my sister’s and most women’s facades and I have a good time connecting with him and just shooting the shit. I oftentimes reflect on how I was raised, and how I want to do things differently, so I find our conversations about past times immensely valuable.

I’ve become very appreciative of my wife, and do I daresay... I’m beginning to like her, again? She’s pretty cool to be around. I guess that’s what happens when your husband isn't a faggot, begins leading, and has a frame. I won’t get complacent. I enjoy the good times; gaming, playing, teasing. I enjoy being a man, and what it means to be a man, father, and a husband.

On that note, I shook my want of fucking strange pussy. I seriously had to ask myself what I had to gain and what I was hoping to accomplish. Then I reflected on the fact that I had already nuked my relationship once with my wife by doing this, and was I willing to risk it again – over strange pussy? What really helped was me reflecting on the fact that my word and my vows my shit if I was willing to break them over my base urges. The same urges that kept me fat, jacking off to porn, drinking every other day, and anything else associated with not getting shit done.

Then I went and fucked my soon-to-pop-pregnant wife silly. I like her even more, now.

*Mission: *

I’ve signed up for an open-source project that will help me get my feet wet and moving in the right direction for career and mission.

Going Forward:

Meditate daily (Dail in on ‘Who I am’, ‘Why I am’) – In progress.
No PMO

-Stoicism-

Focus on being in the now, mentally present.
Appreciating what I have.
Do NOT suffer before it’s necessary.

red-sfpplus · 2020-11-17T16:56:08+00:00

Dear Diary -

My "wink" game is now expert level due to COVID. Bitches couldnt see me smile with my mask, not that I really smile to begin with, but yeah.

Wink?

They might as well piss themselves.

Thanks

interwebztufguy · 2020-11-17T21:31:00+00:00

OYS 5

Mid 30’s, married, 3 kids under 13

5’9’’, 185 lbs., don’t know bf%, but 30 in waist, visible abs

Physical-lifting 4-5 days/week. Goals for lifting are performance & aesthetics. I also train as a pro wrestler 1-2X/week, and perform in live matches on weekends a few times a month. No issues here except being proactive on mobility. I stretch alot, but the soft tissue/SMR, I am mostly reactive, as in I don’t do as much unless I have a reason too (pain).

Reading-NMMNG, WISNIFG, rational male, pook, steel’s guide, and many of the top posts in MRP. Also Rian Stone’s sidebar series.

I’ll try to keep this somewhat brief. I missed last week’s OYS. I wrote and deleted it at least twice before I just said fuck it. I couldn’t pinpoint why exactly, sure I was busy with work and family,etc. But I honestly didn’t have much that was relevant to post.

Things have been going pretty decent for me the last couple of weeks. The main reason I’m here is the same as many-MOAR PUSSAY!!!! But over the last few weeks, after being called out, labeled retarded, angry, and rambo, I knew I needed to slow my roll. I also had some moments of clarity in my relationships and out in the field. At this point, I feel like I’m gaining some calibration in my mind and my relationship. I still have a long way to go, and I’m nowhere near “content”, but I can see things happening that let me know I’m on the right track.

Overall, I’ve found myself being more fun and less moody when I’m at home. I’ve never been much of a morning person, and when we didn’t have anything going on, I was nearly always the last one up. Last few months, I’m almost always the first one up in the house. When I first started reading this shit, I thought that was the dumbest thing ever, however, now I see the value of it. I know it displays value in the eyes of my wife, which is a nice perk, but overall it’s just been nice to drink coffee and enjoy some quiet time before the house gets busy.

For the past X years, I’ve had bouts of (nearly)uncontrollable anger. As I’ve been going through this process, it’s allowed me to reflect on that and much of the other shit behaviors I’ve exhibited in the past. PTSD + Nice guy = autistic, ego-protecting, mind-reading, piece of shit who punched holes in walls, broke doors and furniture, screamed and cussed out my wife (sometimes in front of the kids). Nearly every time I got mad like that, it was from shit and comfort tests. Fuck me I was a dumb bastard.

To use the matrix analogy, I’m awake now, but I still have some cords to yank out of my body. For the rest of this, I’m just gonna bullet some other things I’m working on/learning/had success with, or failed.

Building abundance mentality: I don’t have it yet, but I’m getting some. IOI’s from hot gym bunnies, practicing flirting/conversation with the ladies at work (80% of the staff are women), shedding the self-consciousness and NGAF has been huge. Still have little “game”, but being and embracing my true self, and being rather than acting aloof and fun. It’s like everywhere I go, there’s an opportunity. I need to explore this more (not looking for plates, but I think a little more dread might do some good).

Taking leadership on things and not saying “mommy look what I did!”

Being more dominant in the sack. The harder I go, the better the response seems to be. I still have a lot of internal resistance to expressing my desires. I need to re-read “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield. While it relates to creativity, it can be applied to any situation where procrastination or settling for the status quo is easier than doing the work or breaking out of your comfort zone.

Overall, this is the longest I’ve ever stuck to anything “self-improvement wise”, in the past, I would read/watch/listen to something i.e., Tony Robins, and I’d have this spasm of enthusiasm and blurt out all the things I learned and how I was gonna do X,Y,Z. But then it would fizzle out. I always learned and kept something from these experiences, but the discipline was never there. The difference? Not talking about fight club.

Finally, got to spend a couple days in the woods this week deer hunting. I never hunted growing up, but over the last couple of years started to learn. Haven’t killed anything yet, but the experiences have been worth every minute and every dollar. When my buddy gets over covid, I’m going with him to hunt his farm. Can’t wait to get out there again.

Need to do: I need to get active on social media. I hate it, because i hate the people who post whoring for attention. However, my big goal is to make it as a pro wrestler, and I can’t do it unless I promote myself. I have a big enough backlog of content now that I can preload a bunch of clips and stuff so I don’t have to be glued to it all the time. I need to stop thinking that I’m not good enough, not jacked enough, etc. That’s one of my biggest obstacles: I’m so driven to work my ass off in the gym, in training, etc. because I want to be better, but on the same token, I’m TOO humble in that I think I’m not good enough, so I don’t post shit online or whatever. Definitely have some minor dysmorphia, because when i see myself in the mirror, I don’t see what I see in a picture or video. Fuckin weird. Anyway, I’m glad I found this place.

RedBackedBadger · 2020-11-17T21:41:07+00:00

OYS 46: Mid 30’s, 6’ 192lb, BF 12%, Separated, one kid under 5 yrs (f). OHP 160*3, Bench 190*8, DL 265*3.

Week Goals

Decided to see how I went not recording daily actions. Might give it one more week but I think I’ll go back to recording them.

Reading: MMSLP, MAP, Side Bar, Unchained male, models, The Eagle and the Dragon, WOTSM*2, WISNIFG, The dating playbook for men, The subtle art of not giving a fuck, The Rational Male, Awareness, Pook, NMMNG(x2), sex god method, Practical female psychology, Meditation Book, Mans search for meaning (reading)

Physical: Be strong, fit, powerful and injury free into old age.

weights – three
cardio - two
Lots of walking

I stall at around 160-170 on the OHP and have never managed to get past it. I can feel myself starting to stall out again but will keep on the program and see how I go.

Separation

I suggested we get final orders done before our next court date and avoid having to go to court, she blew up. I knew this would happen and have everything I can control in place. I moved through it quickly but it does still affect me. I found myself still trying to control things, once I let go of reaching an agreement outside of court I moved on. At the end of the day, she either agrees outside court or we go to court. I am okay with both outcomes.

Relationship

Not sure what’s going on here. Things are going well for the most part but on three separate occasions she has done this ‘thing’ where all of a sudden there are all these problems. I get that women do this but it is to a higher degree than I have encountered with other women. The first two times she apologized and moved through it quickly. The other night it went on for a while. I’m not sure if it a shit or comfort test or just her going through her own shit. There are a number of interrelated factors which I find easier to breakdown by dot point:

We had kinky sex three times that day, one of these sessions I pushed her boundaries. Later she told me she gets waves of ‘shame’ when she does extra kinky stuff and even just in regular sex.
I think there are three things going on here re shame (1) standard societal conditioning, (2) her mum used to tell her she was going to end up a prostitute, (3) it was kinky sex and after the moment she got worried about ‘being a slut’.
She knows I’m trying to negotiate orders with ex and says she doesn’t feel good about that and is worried about eventually meeting my daughter.
She has some high pressure work situation coming up.
She has been a doormat in past relationships and is worried about that but at the same time likes submitting to me and I think has some tension about that.

When I look at how I could lead this situation better there are a couple of things that come to mind.

If it is not what I want then leave the relationship.
Did I fail at leading through the day making her doubt her decision to be kinky with me?
More comfort after sex where we push boundaries.
Ask if she is having lots of emotions, pull her into me and kiss her – treat it as a standard comfort test.

I would have made it worse by not giving a shit as I was not in the mood to her issues. I’m not 100% sure how to balance this yet, sometimes I don’t give a shit about her needing comfort, it just feels needy and annoying and I have other things to think about but I’m also aware she needs something and doesn’t know how to ask for it in another way. Some of the comment from HOA re training her to get what she wants are running through my mind here and I’m considering how or if I even try to do this for this situation or I use it to grow past being caught up in my own shit.

Mental

I’m still working through the comments from last week.

I am struggling to find goals that are meaningful to me. Without this defined success I tend to do what I feel like because what is the point of making an effort towards something I’m not even sure I want? I am thinking about how I see myself, what I think I should do Vs want to do Vs should want to do. The mental model of improving yourself as a skill is useful and combines nicely with the curiosity mindset.

I still have days where I just don’t care at all about life. They feel very different to days when I care but can’t be fucked making an effort. When I just can’t be fucked I can mostly push through this to get things done. I have been thinking on some of u/ ancient_resistance points here. When I look at what is driving the feeling, sometimes I realize I’m just feeling lazy and can push through and sometimes I realize there is something else going on. I can’t quite pin it down yet but it is a more legitimate reason than laziness. When this comes up, I give myself a break and rather than force myself to do something I do something else that is also productive but feels less forced. So far the days where I don’t care at all with life have significantly reduced in frequency.

My current focus is mostly on self-acceptance.

Bigfootinmouth · 2020-11-17T22:01:16+00:00

OYS #26

Stats: age mid 30, married to wife (mid 30), 3 kids (under 10y). Height 5,9". Weight 75 kg. Doing Strong lift 5x5 at B 62,5 kg, OHP 55 kg, DL 127,5 kg +2,5, SQ 115 kg, ROW 65 kg, Fsq 75 kg

Reading: Nothing right now

Skipped last week.

Mental - What do I want

I have taken a couple of weeks of enjoying myself, 2 gym/w and relaxed diet a bit, eating breakfast and some snacks. Drank my first beer for 3 months. Its like a mini vacation just for me.

Realising that a lot of things I thought I understood now really pops for me. Like Jordan B Peterson for example. It's like I have a new connection to my own life, it feels like I got more adult.

I already have my dream job, but an even dreamier job came up and I applied. My current is a dead end but gives merits for a middle/upper management position elsewhere when I feel like it. Would make a pay bump by 1k/m or so.

The dreamier job is even more interesting and exciting but would mean a pay cut of maybe 1k/m to what I make now with poor prospects to make any real money in a foreseeable future. This path would essentially make me cool but mediocre income wise.

I don't think I care about the money but I might be an idiot.

Relationship

Epic shit period is over (for this time) and it's all smiles and sexual innuendo. Good sex almost without hard no's. Moving more and more from good lover validation to enjoying myself. My positivity and playfulness seems to be getting a good response. I think it's a switch from the strong arm tactic to the wife playing the nice card. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. The only real difference is that I am fucking, which is kinda nice. Trying not to "press all the buttons" and instead calibrate things a bit.

Short term goals:

Communicate without fear, cowering behind a comic facade. - 20% Failing most of the time but catching myself some times.

Stop fucking talking about real shit if I don't have an agenda. - 30 % Same

Long term goals:

Live a life of authenticity to further my goals and passions without shame or guilt.

twat-hat32 · 2020-11-18T20:23:43+00:00

OYS 13

38, together 8, married 4, 3 year old kid.

6'1, 96.5kg. 6 reps (kilos) - Bench 95, Squat 120, DL 140, BOR 82.5, Press 57.5.

I took a few weeks off OYS to work on my own feedback loop without the publicity filter. My marriage has been slowly turning to even more shit since I started MRP/OYS, probably 6-8 months of going hard.

I've fixed up my unattractive habits, even ones from before meeting my wife (smoking weed, nailbiting, style, grooming, on-off working out). More money and success than ever. I have handled most tests like a champ, or just STFU if there's even a 2% chance I'll react. I stand my ground on boundary enforcement, though it always ends in conflict and non-compliance. I'm not ripped, but in the best shape I've been since I was single.

My last OYS I reported some end-game level success, she followed my lead and we had a great day together. I had a glimpse of things being good after consistently getting worse (less sex, less fun, unending shit tests and shitty comfort tests).

Now it is back to nothing but misery. We had an "argument" at the weekend. When I say we, she blew up over something stupid and I STFU instead of nuking the fuck out of this marriage. Then she expected an apology/flowers from me and made multiple low key comments about getting rid of me, cooked for 2 instead of 3.

I've now lost any hope of saving this marriage. In my journey, I have only become happier without her. She persists with ignoring my hard boundaries.

I've been asked a few times here if I've had the ILYBINILWY speech. I haven't, but I feel like I have without words. No huge alarm bells, no major event, just a slow poison drip.

Reading back what I have wrote, I would say there is something missing from the puzzle. I don't know what it is. To me this is either one major, drawn out shit test to make me give even less fucks, or she would actually be better off with a lesser male.

ImpatientZen · 2020-11-17T10:51:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DirtyNuke · 2020-11-17T12:08:20+00:00

OYS 68

Age 65 Ht 5'11" Wt 177 Wife 66 Married 44 Together 47

Physical

Cardiologist said I had an abnormal EKG, so I'm scheduled for a stress test - but not until the end of December.

This week: skin cancer screen at dermatologist.

Re-Reading TWOTSM. This week's focus: Living with an open heart.

Relationship

Not humblebrag but something I'm using to build my "new" self. And it is obviously not a problem but just a challenge. A while ago I began encouraging "dirty talk" as part of my polarity push to embrace and extend her sexual behaviors. As intended it reinforced her "20 year old nymphomaniac" persona, and that persona has completely overtaken her. Not just at home, but out in public - explicit descriptions at a restaurant using a normal conversational volume regardless of who is nearby, in the car - the other day she wanted to give me road head on a busy street but was only stopped by the fact that my car is too small for her to to get around the manual transmission. I lean into this, respond and encourage. This is the "me" of now and I use it to strengthen who I want that "me" to be. Another learning and improving opportunity.

sash_northpointe · 2020-11-17T10:10:23+00:00

OYS #13 but was last done in January.

39 y/o
6'5", 97kg (213lb) , 17.5% Body Fat
Married 8 years, together 11 years
Lifting: Squat: 100kg, Bench: 90kg, Row 85kg, OHP 60kg, DL 125kg
Read: NMMNG x 3, MMSLP, WISNIFG x 2, Rational Male 1-3, TWOTSM, Models, Suble Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Everything is Fucked, Sovereignty, Game, The Unchained Man, How to Be a 3% Man, The Mask of Masculinity, 48 Laws of Power, Saving a Low Sex Marriage.
Currently Reading: The Mindful Attraction Plan

I fell off from owning my shit back in January, I can't remember why. Then Covid happened, Lockdowns, etc. After lockdowns finished, I stepped it back up in the gym to finally get serious about getting my fat ass in shape. It was a comment from my wife at a dinner party that was the final straw. My wife was showing her friends our wedding photos. One photo was me getting my suit on and I was topless. Her friend commented, "wow, nice pecs Sash, I haven't seen pecs in a long time." My wife's reply, "me either." Like I said, that was the final straw and I was then in the gym six days a week, and was playing basketball two nights a week. Over 12 weeks I dropped 14kg (30lbs). I'm still eating healthy and was doing heavy lifting until about 4 weeks ago when I strained my back deadlifting. I was being a dumbass and lost concentration and released my core while mid-lift. Instant pain! I'm just a week back into the weights and have also added running 5k 3x a week. I'm happy with how my body is looking again and I'm gaining my confidence back. I've also become a lot better friends with a guy who's become my gym buddy over the last few months. I don't have a lot of guy friends, so good to start making more. I've also got one of my other friends to start lifting with us too. He's a 50-something year old dude that's like a mentor to me and has never lifted before. He's loving it!

Family - I have 3 kids. One of my goals is to be a leader in the family, especially in parenting. I've started working with a mentor who is a career military man. I've recently set up some new procedures for the morning and afternoons when I'm home.

Finance - About a year ago I took control over the bank accounts and budget for the household. Things were going really well with investments, savings, etc until about a month or so ago. We've had a lot of cash draining expenses come up. I need to reinforce to my wife that we need to keep to the budget and stop spending money on bullshit.

Relationship - For the last few months, our relationship has been hot and cold. For example, her birthday was back in July. I put together a surprise video compilation of videos that I had all of her friends send me. At her little bday party, she was all over me, telling her friends how she was going to fuck me later, etc. And she did...twice. This is a rare occurance. I'm still learning to STFU and take the pussy off the pedestal.

Like I said, it's been a long time since I've last posted here, so I'll just write about this past week. Earlier in the week there was pretty much zero affection. Instead of trying to get hugs and kisses from her, feel her up, or be a creep, I just returned the behaviour to her and would go off to do my own shit. I spent most of the weekend working in the yard and doing shit around the house. There have been zero texts from me except when answering a question...even then I would wait 30-60min before doing so. She's played with her phone most of the time I've been home after work this week, so I've been going outside and playing with the kids instead of being around her finger fucking her phone. This morning, while I was on the way out the door she cornered me and grabbed me for some kisses and held on to me hugging for about a minute. I kept my octopus hands to myself and wasn't creepy suggesting sex later or anything. I just let her finish her affection and was out the door.

We've had sex maybe twice in the last three weeks. However, both times were initiated by her. I've not initiated once. Since I've started getting fit the last few months, she has just started swimming in the early morning, which means she goes to bed really early, while I'm at the gym or out running...so I haven't really had opportunity to initiate.

One more thing to add is that I've had a lot of resentment start to creep in this week. Most of the time I'd be pissed at my wife for no reason, just not giving a fuck what she was doing or if she was around, or not even really wanting to even talk to her or look at her. Is this a normal part of the process? Would it be considered the anger stage?

Anyways, I'm looking to keep track of my progress on here and have found the live commentaries of the last few weeks of OYS quite useful.

Goals - Daily/Weekly

Be the leader of the house - take charge in activities, disciplining the kids, work around the house.
I will go to the gym 3 times this week. I will run 5k 3x this week.
I will read/listen from the sidebar every day this week.
I will contribute to OYS weekly.
I will plan a date night for end of Nov/early Dec.

Goals - End of Nov.

I will squat 120kg.
I will cut body fat percentage to 17% by eating clean and following goal 1. (Improving)
I will stretch every night.
I will complete a business plan for a new business that I want to start.
Complete my mission statement

Dynabruh · 2020-11-17T11:04:41+00:00

Oys 8

28 yo 154 lbs 17.5%(navy method)wife 28 married 2 years together 3 2 kids 7&1 Dl 240x6 sq 155x5 bp 155x6 ohp 85x6 Pr 8x125 Read Mmslp nmmng pfpfpm side bar

Reading Map

Physical

I went 4/5 days this week to the gym. I took Friday off work so I didn’t go to the gym that day. Felt really good about this week though. I went up on bench and dl. Next week I’m going to switch things up a little. Going to switch flat bench for incline press for a while, and probably switch ohp for Arnold press.

Mental

I realized I soften my voice when I speak to people sometimes. Generally seems to be with acquaintances and strangers. Been working a lot on my beta behaviors. Overall had a really good positive mindset lately. Don’t really feel anxious nearly as much anymore. I sleep well, just don’t always get in bed early enough. Feel like I’m starting to have an abundance mentality.

Relationship

Better all the time. My rocky relationship was what lead me to the red pill. 6 months ago I would have been ticked to be where I am now. I think we had sex 3 times this week, and they were all good. A lot of oneitis type things coming from my wife this week. A lot of wanting to cuddle, I love yous, and compliments this week. She had one breakdown crying episode. We had sex and after while she was cleaning off she said "you’re hotter than me" I replied "nah" taking it as a comfort test and not really knowing what to say. "I used to be the hot one" she said, then I said "your still hot babe" still fumbling through it. Then came the water works and she asked me to leave her alone. I felt a little bad for her in a way but it was a good feeling at the same time because I know the hot one controls the power of the relationship. Prior to this the first of the week was really exhausting. A lot of shit testing and honestly I didn’t even try to pass. I didn’t feel the need to put in the effort. My mentality was basically I don’t care what your harping about, I don’t care what you think, and I don’t care if we fuck later. I got a couple comments like "I wish you would act right/ be nice to me so you could get some of this." I ignored these comments. I feel like my relationship is slowly but surely heading where I want it. What I want has been changing though out the process however. Although I’m happy with it now. I hope I can continue be content in my relationship.

Family

My oldest’s birthday was over the weekend. We spent the day on a touristy area about an hour from home. We saw an awesome dinner show, it was like a play and had acrobats. Food was awesome and so was the show. Also we did gem mining which he really enjoyed and rode go carts. Not only did he have a great birthday but we all had a great time. I also put a little dread into my relationship while we were out. I was dressed nice and got a few iois. We were in like to checkout at a store and my wife ran back to get something else and she ended up a couple people behind me in line. When my boy and I checked out the cashier was being really chatty and flirting a little. I didn’t pay much attention because she wasn’t attractive to me. Nasty looking dreads and vegan tat on her nuckles. But I was still friendly back. When I turned to walk away from the counter I saw my wife staring a hole in me with a real serious expression. I gave her a sup nod and turned and walked out of the store. Afterwords nothing was said about it. This weekend was a success as far as leading the family.

General

I bought my boy a video game. He had been wanting a new one for a while and he hardly ask for anything so I let him pick one out. At first I only played it to help him but I found myself staying up for hours after the kids were in bed losing sleep, and spending the time I would normally use on myself or cleaning ect. I had to stop myself after the second night of doing this. I’ve spent to much time and effort building myself up as a more productive higher value man to slip back into being a loser wasting time. I did manage to do a few small things around the house that I’ve been neglecting. It improves my mood to not see those hindering reminders of things I need to do. I’ve started a list and I add things to it as I notice them now. Going to start making a point to cross things off it every day

Financial

Xmas time is creeping up. It’s always a stressful time of year for me. I caught myself feeling anxious about it some this week. Luckily this year my wife is working so it’s going to help a shit load. Going to volunteer this coming weekend at work and it should be enough to float me. I hate working extra, especially since it puts my social life further into non existence but it’ll be worth it when I see my kids opening gifts. Maybe that’s a plowhorse mindset but I don’t care.

Social

I did nothing social this week.

Goals

Hit 160 lbs by 4/1/21 Figure out my mission by 1/1/21

Last weeks goals

Go up on DL - +5 Learn to measure body fat- complete

Goals for next week

I’m going to go to the gym a solid 5 days Finish reading map

sucka_chump · 2020-11-17T11:20:11+00:00

OYS #2: A Revealing Week

STATS: Height 6’1”; Weight 187lbs (this morning); Lifts: Squat 260 5x5; OP 105 5x5; DL 225 1x5; Bench 150 5x5; BB Row 115 5x5

READ: All 3 of Rollo’s books; Book of Pook; WISNIFG; NMMNG (2x); MMSLP; WOTSM; 12 Rules for Life; MAP (currently)

BACKGROUND: 46yo. Married 19 years to 45yo SO. 2 teenaged children. Recently discovered and currently suspect an affair with co-worker (a manager actually) pre-COVID. Not enough evidence to confirm 100% but highly likely after overhearing a revealing and suspicious conversation with Chad in October. That conversation plus many other signs of an affair (in retrospect) that have me all but certain that something happened.

One development in this story: SO looking to switch jobs at her current place of employment. Has interviewed for 2 of them and did not get either. Found out today that she was offered a new role today.....guess who offered it? Yup....she might be taking a job on Chad’s team. I thought about that being the deal breaker and confronting her. But upon further reflection, if she takes that job then it might create clearer opportunities to confirm my suspicions. After all, if I am right then nothing changes either way and it will be more likely that something comes out. If I am wrong then it doesn’t matter who the fuck she works for. Right? My initial thought was shut it down and create a boundary, but that would blow my cover and it would look like mate guarding if they are innocent. How would I even enforce that boundary? Bad idea. Also, how would HR at a major corporation feel about a manager fucking one of his employees who he gave a job to? Wonder how his wife would feel? Hmmmm.

Adding this part to saved draft: I really want to confront her and almost did just 10 minutes ago when “Chad’s job offer” came up in conversation. Shit that was tough!!!!! So close to confronting but didn’t. Damn should I, or shouldn’t I? STFU hamster!!!!!! Let it play out right?

MENTAL: This was a rough week in many ways, but it was also a good week in other ways. It was very difficult to get my mind off of my suspicions. I thought about it A LOT....obsessively. It hurt at times and I was not sure I was going to be able to keep it all in. I know that I need to share this with someone, but I do not know who I can trust to keep it under their hat. There are a few prospects for that, but I can’t afford to let my suspicions be known. I am still working through all of this internally and I need time. I am OK with that for now. Especially since I have all of these brutally honest strangers at my disposal on this thread. I need this thread right now. It has already advised me well and I will continue to seek that advice. Still angry at times but working hard not to let it show and to deal with the anger in healthy ways (staying busy/active). Do not want to blow my fucking cover. Revenge has crossed my mind and I am not sure what to do about that. On the other hand, there were some moments when I reminded myself that I am giving too many fucks (thanks to some advice I got in a previous post). What a fucking freeing feeling!!! I will look to embrace more of those moments moving forward. Hopefully that feeling will last longer and longer as time passes.

SOCIAL: Good week for this. Played disc golf with a friend this weekend while SO was away with family for a birthday celebration. I also hung out with co-workers/friends two nights in a row. One of those nights was at my house for a cookout. This was the highlight of the week. Great time. Lots of laughs. It got fucking weird when they were asking about SO and saying how much they wished she was also with us. I wanted to tell them that I think she is a fucking cheating whore. That was hard to bite my tongue, but I went along with it. While hanging out, I mixed in some flirting with a couple of the women who were over. Very light bullshit flirting, but it felt good and I got positive responses. As I write this, I am seeing how I took those positive responses as validation. Damn is this BP shit inescapable?

Also, I made an effort to scope out women the night before in a public setting. I realized that I haven’t done that in years!! What the hell has been wrong with me? It felt natural. It felt good like I should have been doing that for the last 20 years. Just looking felt like that. It felt like that is what I am supposed to do all the time. Fuck!!! I am so BP conditioned it is insane. Hopefully that is a sign that the RP might actually be starting to kick in.....just a little tiny bit.

RELATIONSHIP: Lots of obvious shit tests were thrown my way this week. I STFU on them for the most part working hard not to DEER. I feel like there have been more of these recently. I am on high alert for these and I want to continue dealing with them appropriately.

SO initiated sex the morning she was leaving for the weekend getaway with family/friends. Caught me off guard and I don’t know what to make of it. I was not easily aroused. Mostly because of my suspicions, but if I were to turn down sex it would have been the first time ever. So we fucked and it was fine, but I don’t really know what to do from now on. That nagging suspicion in the back of my primate brain has me really fucked up. It is impossible to really get into it with her when I am thinking she might have fucked another man. Shit this is a tough one for me. Hard to authentically game her when I have lost respect for her. I want to fuck. I just don’t know that I want to fuck HER.

On the brighter side, I had great interactions with my kids this week. Made conscious efforts to be present with them and it has been a success. They are responding well. They are hanging around more often and hung out some with my friends during the cookout. They each had friends over as well so that was really one of the cooler aspects of the weekend. Will keep on working on this.

FINANCES: starting brainstorming side hustles this week. Time is an issue right now as work is very busy and time consuming. Also, I have a lot of domestic project work going on outside right now that needs my attention. This is something to continue thinking about and eventually possibly acting on. I have considered a career change lately, but my job has me tied in pretty tightly at my age with regard to health benefits and retirement. Not out of the question, but it would have to be a sure thing to make that jump/change.

OTHER: Some of the advice I got last week encouraged me to talk to lawyers. I have not done that yet, but I am researching on line. Started with laws in my state. Now I need to call a couple of them to see if I can get some consultations. I want to be ready if/when that time comes. This scares me. The thought of being on my own is admittedly frightening. That’s how I know that I am not ready to take action. I am working on this but it would help if I could talk to someone who knows their shit.

WORK ON THIS WEEK: 1. Focus on me. Me. Me. And be more assertive by acknowledging and culling my ever-present nice guy behaviors.
2. Embrace DNGAF and focus on building relationship with my kids by staying present. 3. Contact at least one lawyer in preparation for what might need to be done. 4. Continue reminding myself that it is a long road ahead and that it will be important to stay patient. This is hard for me. I want results now and I want to “fix” what is broken.

bat_out_of_hell_ · 2020-11-17T11:36:04+00:00

36 Y/O, 6’1”, 176lb, 13-14% BF (with skinfold calipers), Married 1.7, Together 3, Kids, 8 & 10 (step), 11mo and one on the way. Reading: MMSLP 10% Completed: WISNIFG, NMMNG, MAP, Rational Male, TWOTSM. Non sidebar: Meditations, Iron John.

Lifts: Bench 155, DL 235, Squat 130, Row 150, OHP 85

Thank you to u/jcx_pulse for the tips. It really helped. I'm keeping my ohp at 85. I'm committed, I look myself in the eyes as I lift and remind myself of why I'm here. To put in work. But my shoulder feels like I'm going to tear a ligament. I don't want to rambo the gym and kill my future progress so if I have to sacrifice the ohp so be it. I added 50 50lb barbell curls, 50 tricep pull downs, and 50 incline 10lb weighted sit ups.

Mindset: I was looking at a HB9 on Instagram that I used to fuck. I came across a picture from when we were together and how I was all butthurt and love starved when she broke it off. This doesn’t tilt the needle at all now. It was a good juxtaposition to the work I'm doing now. This has been the same way I was viewing my wife - my end all be all everything.

Lots of reading through the other OYS posts and viewing feedback. A lot of wisdom in there. It helped me contextualize my need for validation

Wife ran her hands over my chest and abs and commented that the time in the gym is paying off - I look good. She then fucked me good. Told me it turns her on to please me.

I hope this doesn't break rule 9 - but it is relevant. I lack OI and abundance mentality. I'm the problem. My sick, pregnant wife, even while feeling like hell and wanting to go to sleep asks if I want to have sex "because I want to make you feel good." She couldn't possibly validate me more, yet I still search for something.

My mindset has made a shift. I'm putting me first. I have unfortunately implemented this in my life in a bit of a retarded way leading to an extremely pissed off wife. Finding balance here over the next few months will be key. I went camping with my friends this past weekend which was a lot of fun and nice to get away with some men. Despite repeated assurances that it was totally fine turned out to not be totally fine on my return. She's used to a drunk captain so this is going to take some time to change.

Career: My plan b from my last OYS looks to be materializing much more quickly than expected. My friends start up is gaining business more quickly than he can handle on his own. I offered to take over the back end of the business for 20% of the company. He seemed amenable so upon further negotiation this may come to fruition. Money is my main issue in my marriage getting something like this locked down will really make everything much easier.

Goals: Make money. Keep lifting hard.

AlphalfaSprout · 2020-11-17T12:07:06+00:00

OYS #20-22

Stats

Age 32 Ht 6’0”, Wt 172.8 (-3.6), BF 16.0% (-0.7), Wife 32 Kids 2 under 7

Reading

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rational Male, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Pook, Ultimate Texting Guide for Men, Bang, MRP Wiki, Way of the Superior Man, The Enlightened Sex Manual

Currently: 48 Laws of Power

OYS Weekly Stream and 14-Day Rule 9 Ban

Horns and weakandsensitive rightfully called me out on the 10/27 OYS Stream, pointing out multiple issues with my OYS and mental models that are hindering my progress.

The first thing they pointed out is that I am grossly overcompensating with fake “manly” mental models in an attempt to make up for the beta mistakes of the past. The tough guy act is not only 100% fake, but I play it up in the way I write on the OYS to create a fake alpha persona that is (a) not alpha and (b) not me. The truth is, I enjoy working on home projects. It makes me happy. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing but I am learning as I go and it fills me with pride when I can get something done with my hands when I was always too scared to try before. Instead of taking joy in that, I turned it into this covert contract with myself where I told myself if I act manly, I will be a man. This is silly and not at all congruent to who I am as a person. I don’t think of myself as being this caricature that I was writing about on the OYS. I make fun of guys that put on that bullshit machoism.

The second thing they pointed out is that I am still seeking approval from my wife. I am still in my wife’s head, which means I am in her frame. I made it clear I was worried about all the wrong things. All the improvement in my life (including the relationship) came from focusing on myself; on improving myself. W&S said “Women want to feel desired by a high value man.” The only thing in that sentence that I can affect is whether I am a high value man or not. That should be my focus. I am not here to own anyone else’s shit. I am here to own my shit. And my shit has nothing to do with what is going on in anyone else’s head, during sex or otherwise. I am here to improve myself. It starts and ends there.

Physicality and Health

I took the advice of W&S and Horns and decided not to be a bitch about lifting just cause my ankle got hurt. I got back into the gym the day after I listened to the stream and continued to consistently lift then. The OYS Weekly Stream review really gave me motivation to focus on improving myself. I spent the last 16 days adhering well to my intermittent fasting routine and hitting PRs on lifts while continuing to transition from the StrongLifts to a volume-based workout regime.

Last OYS, I mentioned that I was within reach of my lowest weight as an adult but had not lost any weight that previous week. I said I was surprised that was the case but that was bullshit. I had snacked on the weekend some and ate some overly big meals that week. I can’t both cut and gain muscle/strength without being totally on point with my diet. So I did that while I was banned and have some results to show for it.

16 days later, I am weighing in at X pounds and X body fat. This is good progress. I still consider myself to be skinnyfat to an extent. But it’s not the same as I was when I was writing OYS #1. Even though I am close to the same weight I was at 21 weeks ago, I’ve dropped 1.5 inches from my waist (at the navel) and see big upticks in muscle/leanness. I still have a lot of work to do. I am pumped to do it.

I used the time I would have written an OYS while Rule 9 banned to review my MAP to plug up any weaknesses or places that I have not paid any attention to in months. One of these sections was Supplementation, the last section of Physicality and Health in the book. Ever since I got creatine and protein powders/shakes months ago, I haven’t really looked into anything else I may need. So I took some time to research additional supplements and have been taking them the past week. Ashwagandha for my slightly below average testosterone levels. I doubt it will do much but I am progressing well with lifts and want to re-test testosterone early next year to see where I am at. Zinc, L-Arginine and Lecithin also added cause its fun to cum buckets on titties. Will revisit this list in a few months to see how things are going and if I want to add or subtract anything to it.

Mental

I am using fake manly mental models, creating a covert contract with myself in the process. This was pointed out on the OYS and is 100% true. Having Horns point this out to me was a tremendous boon to my progress on here. I’ve honestly felt shame during this ban that I was doing that and have taken time to reflect on why I was doing that. I don’t feel a need to write this OYS as if I am a hairy-chested lumberjack who cuts trees in the Montana wilderness for a living. I’m embarrassed that I did feel that need and appreciate that it was pointed out to me. I was not being myself. I was writing the OYS as if it was from the third person: writing about this fake manly version of myself in an attempt to score a point in the “man column” to prove to myself that I was worthy of whatever positive things are happening in my life/relationship/goals.

I can readily admit that I still have strong bouts of “trying to impress mommy.” My frame is not where it needs to be. It is much better than where it was, but I know I am still seeking validation. I still care too much about what my wife is doing, thinking and feeling. Horns called me out on this and unfortunately it is true. But he also said that as mental usually comes after the physical. And I think I’ve made serious gains in physical (and mental). I continue to work on true DGAF and OI. I am miles ahead of where I started, but my last OYS made me realize I am still miles away from where I need to be. I will continue focusing on improving myself. The rest will come.

Relationship and Sex

I was always the first to say I love you in my relationship. I was the first to lean in for a kiss. I realized I hated myself for it. I was scared to adhere to the golden ratio from the 16 Commandments of Poon because I knew I would never get the “I love you’s” first if I waited. I made excuses as to why I wouldn’t do it. “Oh she just isn’t a very affectionate person” I would tell myself. This was bullshit. It doesn’t even have anything to do with her. It has everything to do with me. Increasing my value as a man, physically and mentally, is all it took. She has initiated more “I love you’s” in the last month than she had in the previous 5 years. This is why the mods on here just tell you to focus on yourself. Its why they don’t give a shit what your wife is doing, saying or thinking. It’s never about anything other than improving yourself. Everything else is just the effect. I think realizing this is paramount to succeeding in life and getting what you want out of it. I am internalizing this.

Trondheim77 · 2020-11-17T12:47:03+00:00

OYS#25 37, wife 35, together 16 years, two toddlers

FITNESS 6'1, 180lbs, BF 20% (skinny fuck with love handles). Squat 5x5 195lbs Deadlift 1x5 285lbs Bench 5x5 155lbs Press 5x5 105lbs Row 5x5 165lbs

Got the lower half of my braces last week. Can hardly chew. If I'm ever gonna make an effort to lose the gut, now is the perfectc time.

Ok, so my TDEE is about 2600kcal. I have had MyFitnessPal set for 2300kcal/day for the last month or so. No progress with the waistline. I'm probably a bit sloppy with the measurements, it's not like I weigh everything I eat. I just lowered the daily calory goal to 2100 and actually put the kitchen scale in the kitchen... Should give at least some results before the end of the year. Shooting from the hip here, but say a shortage of about 500kcal/day will let me lose 1lb/week. So about 7lbs until new year sound plausible. That leaves me with another 8lbs of fat or so to get rid of to get to 15% body fat before mankini beach 2021.

Got to the gym fucking ravenous yesterday and decided to not add the 5lbs to the lifts. Barely managed to pull five 285 deadlifts with half a minute of panting between each lift. Was considerably easier last week. Body needs energy to perform, obvious but interesting to experience in reality.

MENTAL Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, TRM, Pook, BPP, WotSM, SGM, Unchained man, Subtle art of not giving a fuck, Models, Mystery method, Atomic habits, Ego is the enemy, Six pillars of self esteem, BiggerLeanerStronger

I'm not entitled to anything. That's probably the mentality I have worked to internalize this far into my MRP journey. Not feeling entitled should be the final victory over covert contracts and general whinyness. If I'm not entitled, everything is up to me. If I want something, I have to go get it. Everything is up to me so I have to focus on myself and strive to base every thought and action in what I want.

The missing link here is a lack of insight into what I actually want. But my mission is taking shape. Just need to be careful not to sneak any hidden covert contracts into the mission itself. But feels right this far.

Noticing my patience with the kids have been in short supply lately. Are there any parenting books you guys can recommend? There are a lot on Amazon/Audible but most seem to be either too liberal or too christian for my taste.

RELATIONSHIP Little bit of dominance in the sack, little bit of refusing fetch quests, little bit of goofing around with the missus... And some DEERing and shit as well of course, but feeling alright about my general progress. No revolutionary breakthroughs but a steady strut in the right direction.

Warm_Shop1876 · 2020-11-17T14:01:59+00:00

OYS # 3: 35, 5’ 8”, 216lbs, 33% BF, Married, two kids 4yrs(m) and 2yrs(f).

Lifts: SQ 185 BP 150 BR 110 OHP 80 DL 185

Read: NMMNG, WOTSPM, MMSLP Reading: WISNIFG (re-reading sections instead of finishing)

Physical:

I followed my program and lifted 3 times this week. There is something very therapeutic about lifting weights. I never felt that at other points in my life when working out. I enjoy it and will continue to make this a priority. Followed my fitness pal this week. Did not exceed any daily calorie goals. A few of the days I was quite a bit under the daily goal. I need to recalibrate the goal and make sure I hit the goal as too few will be counter productive as well. I know my sweet spot for gains and weight loss is about 1800.

Sleep was improved this week. I need to continue to hold myself to keeping a strict sleep schedule. It makes a big difference in my life but it is something I have always lacked the discipline to maintain. Sweet spot here is 6-7 hours. Less or more makes me feel like shit.

Mental:

I have found that the more I pull back from involving myself in my wife's behavior, the more peace of mind I am able to maintain. It makes a big difference. She has continued to walk around every day just bitching and complaining about everything, most of the time not even about me. The rest of the time passive aggressive statements trying to get me to respond. I did very well this week just flat out ignoring them and doing whatever I was doing maintaining my OWN emotional baseline instead of taking on hers.

There were several situations this past week with her that I did get involved to some degree past STFU. I did not flood nearly as bad as I usually do in these situation with her. It was immediately noticeable and a welcome change.

I need to begin practicing a meditation routine. I will take that on as an added goal this week.

Career:

I made a big mistake in my job. It was pure procrastination that led to me doing it. I need to develop the discipline to get done what needs to get done. Especially in my job, but in all aspects of my life. I lack the discipline to get things done when I don't feel like doing it.

Social:

No effort put into this at this time. No changes.

Parenting:

My kids have continued to respond positively to my changes in how I deal with them. There is still quite a bit of improvement to be made. But they are trending towards a greater level of emotional stability and less reactive due to my changes. The issue is that my wife has certainly not changed and continues to model really poor behaviors for them.

She goes to bed before the kids some days and doesn't even say goodnight to them. It really hurts me to see my kids get so upset that they weren't able to say goodnight to their mom. She continues to do almost no care for the children. They definitely notice it and so do I.

Relationship:

There continues to be no sex. I continue to not initiate. I want to have sex with her fairly often. But, my motivation to do it seems to change drastically after she gets home and treats me like dogshit for a few hours. I get completely turned off by her walking around bitching about life and bullshit all night. I am not sure what the answer is to this issue. I suppose I need to just initiate if it is something I want. Regardless of the rest of this shit and excuses I am making for not doing it. I am sure both of our lives would be improved by some sex.

As I continue to improve my STFU abilities. The passive aggressive statements are increasing dramatically. Some are so blatantly obvious that she is trying to get me to react. It is like a middle school child bullying someone at recess. Its just so inexplicable to me and illogical.

There is a situation that happened several months ago. My wife searched my phone and found a conversation with a female coworker. It was not romantic at all. But, I was talking about our personal business and the most recent comment was me making a joke about my wife to the coworker. My wife has never let it go. She does not seem to believe me that there was no cheating or romantic involvement. It was a pretty dumb thing for me to do because it was a total beta finding a new mommy to complain about shit to, a emotional affair if you will.

My wife constantly brings it up. She is using it to justify treating me like dogshit. She usually brings it up in a quasi-nuclear shit test the same time every month, cough cough.

I have trouble determining when or how I should be providing my wife some of the things that she needs. Comfort and value.

Next Week Goals:

Lift 3 x Week / Count Calories
STFU
Finish WISNIFG. Re-Read NMMNG

The basic goals of lifting/calories, STFU, and reading will be my only goals for the next 40 days. I need to establish a stronger baseline for myself to build from.

Mission:

Develop discipline and self-respect.

itsunclejerry · 2020-11-17T14:46:43+00:00

OYS #5 - Be responsible of my own act

Stats: 41, wife 34, daughter 3, 5'6", 134.6lbs, 15% (Navy)

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MAP, MMSLP (reread the last two)

Lift: SQ 105lbs, BP 95lbs, ROW 95lbs, OHP 70lbs, DL 120lbs

Physical - I feel that my belly is flattened since I cut my carbs. Last week I only take a half cup of oatmeal on the gym day. It seems to work better. I can stave off the crave by getting carbs every other day. Last Tuesday, I was vomiting after trying to chug down 1lb of steak + 1lb of chicken in one sitting. It was supposed to be two meals, but I skipped lunch, so I ate them both for dinner. Don't do that again.

Gym schedule has been consistent, 3x/week following SL program. I deload to fix my form. I might risk my gain, but continuing the wrong path would risk in injury. I can feel my SQ is improving.

I gained .6lbs this week. If I'm looking at where I was a month ago, I gained 7.6lbs in 4 weeks. That looks inline with target 1-2lbs/week.

I'm still not touching any coffee, but I could go by my day without feeling sleepy. My sleeping schedule has also been consistent 8 hours a day.

Mental - I'm responsible for myself. No one owed me anything. This has been a tough mental shift. I'm not 100% there yet. Keep working at it.

Finance/Career - This has been the third week I neglected my financial health. I'm being irresponsible by not working on my budget to avoid arguments with my wife. I hold the finance in the family, but I always let her buy anything she wanted. That doesn't sound like I hold it at all. Last week, she ordered a watch for a Chad's birthday that is coming in two months. Now I'm asking myself, how much pain do I need to endure until I gathered shit and act?

All this happened while I'm unemployed.

(Side note: writing this OYS showed me the deep shit I'm in)

Relationship - I talked about a Chad above. I have been trying to brush off the fact that my wife cares more about this Chad than me, let alone my well being. I pleased her because I want her to love me back. But no, that's not how it works. She'll be happily sucked the life out of me. Rereading MMSLP helps me put things in perspective. I let myself living a victim life.

Last weekend, I told her I want to go out with a long lost friend for a golf. A sport I have not been doing since I got married. It's an opportunity to reconnect with my male friends. She doesn't like the plan and told me to cancel it. She told me I should be embarrassed in front of my friends because I'm jobless. I comply to avoid the arguments, but deep inside I'm frustrated.

Last night, we had an argument about groceries. I ran out of eggs and meat. My protein intake is ruined. So I told her I want to go get some. I have been telling her since the day before, but she keep on telling me to not go.

Me: "I need to get some eggs and meat" Her: "No, don't go" Me: "But I ran out of them" Her: "If you go then we should go to" Me: "Well okay let's go then" Her: "But I don't want to go" Me: "Then I'll go, you can stay at home" Her: "No. Why don't you go grocery yesterday or the day before" ... (We exchanged the same lines for three times or so. At this point the tension is up. I feel that her argument is unreasonable.) Me: "I have had it enough. You stay put. I'll be out getting eggs." (I grabbed the car key and walked out of the door.)

I feel guilty. She might be genuinely want me to stay home for a good reason. I feel that I have failed her. I have to keep reminding myself that I am responsible for my own self. I might not get sick just because I skipped one dinner, but I have promised myself I will bulk and make myself healthier. Between breaking my own promise and making my wife mad, I choose the former this time.

She is still mad at me this morning.

Goal until next OYS: Money.

2wo2wo3hree · 2020-11-17T15:12:18+00:00

OYS 21

Books: Sidebar, NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, MAP, POOK, TRM, 48 Laws of Power, Can’t Hurt Me, The science of trust, Rich Dad, Poor Dad

Currently reading: Love & Respect

SUMMARY

Steadily getting better, but the progress is much slower.

STATS/LIFTS

36yo, 6’3, 209, 16% body fat. Back to my workout groove. I’m generally feeling better after I lowered my weight, lowered my sets and added some reps per set. I basically brought it back to the absolutely basic. 3 sets of 10 reps. Aiming for mostly compound lifts.

Relationship: I’ve been married to what I would call a FEMINIST or STRONG WILLED woman for 5 years. I turned that around with MRP. She is now my submissive wife to me. (It can be done.) We have a 4 year old kid.

MARRIAGE/SEX/FRAME

I’m removing this section from my OYS. It’s becoming too peachy to write and adds no value to me or the community. If anything, I’ll probably do a monthly update or whenever there is an event.

I’ve made the non-negotiable need for a leading husband and submissive wife not only my agenda but my wife’s main interest in my marriage. I can now understand what “Submissive Training” is. Being submissive is now my wife’s idea and takes responsibility for it, which makes it more authentic and pleasurable to receive. I have seen her push herself and dig deeper in finding more ways to slide deeper into submissiveness toward me. Softer words, deliberate acts of submission, and sexual attentiveness/inquiries regarding what would please me.

I under-estimated this responsibility of receiving the feminine surrender but I have since adjusted. As I’ve progressed in my role, It became evident to me how important it is to guide with love and tenderness through her mistakes, failures, socially influenced defiance and self doubts in relation to how far she’s capable of pushing her limits.

Many things have changed after we agreed to adhere to a contractual D/s marriage approximately 2 months ago. We actually never got to settle into the routine and redundancy of the contract. Maybe it wasn’t for us. Maybe I wrote it poorly. Whatever.

Things got deeper too fast and I had to decide to abandon the contract because it restricted the fluidity of our D/s dynamic. It held us back. Not a knock on anyone governed by a contract; but, in my marriage, my dominance and her submission became more authentic without the contract. Instead of being guided by our negotiation, we are guided by our desire to achieve extreme polarities which leads to the desire to dominate and submit. It is simply what/who we became, regardless of the contract or title.

Is it a D/s marriage? I don’t know. I don’t really care because it doesn’t matter. A lot of ritualistic habits are still active. If she’s first in bed, my wife gets on her knees (nadu) to welcome me each time I get in. The same happens when she joins me. I address her by derogatory terms more often than any cute pet-names but I treat her well. There’s been a lot of primal sex, to include her latest request to incorporate hard face slapping, which I learned sends her off to an orgasm.

Misogyny, chauvinism and chivalry are a powerful blend in seduction when done correctly. I can attest that my wife doesn’t want to be respected by me. (AWALT?) I’ve removed respect from my sexual strategy; instead, I show love through leadership, dependability and by being a man she can cling all her CRAZY GIRL love to. As men, we suck at handling that stage 5 clinger. We avoid it because we don’t know what to do with it. Mastery and redirection of that devotion is amazing if you tame it.

In closing... Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing =)

SOCIAL:

I was gone quite a lot this month. This is my first weekend back and decided to stay in and reconnect with the family to strengthen that bond. I will be making attempts to get out next weekend.

FINANCIAL:

This is looking and feeling good. I’m on track to lower our total expenses this month and hopefully maintain a large surplus. I directed my wife to send me her pay stubs moving forward. In a way I will be budgeting her pay along with mine, for the greater financial health of my family. Once that’s accomplished I will make sure I stay consistent. I’m excited to be able to lock this down. It’s the first phase of my financial independence.

capn_barnacles · 2020-11-17T15:44:10+00:00

OYS – 11/16/2020**

51 years old. 5’10”, 175 lbs, 16.4% BF (goal=15%). Lifts: BP=175 x 3, DL (trap bar)=315 x 5, SQ 240 x 5. M-13 years, kids 8, 8, 6. Career beta/nice guy.

Mission - To become a benevolent, calm, fun, and effective leader that radiates positive energy and brings out the best in myself and others.

I’m one of those people that have been around here way too long, reading too much, and progressing too little. I also struggle writing OYS posts in the traditional way, as I don’t recall the details of conversations or what I was thinking/feeling during moments in the prior week. In some ways I think this is a benefit in that I don’t worry about the past, because I can’t remember it. In other ways I think this can be a hinderance in that I may not be learning from my mistakes of the past, not remembering the negative result of my actions.

Behavioral

The Good

I’ve been dialing in when to STFU at the appropriate times. Historically I’ve defaulted to this way too much, and I end up looking like a retard. I’ve backed off this recently and have noticed the times I should have stayed silent, but I instead spoke up and said something weak and stupid.
I’ve been Journaling on a regular basis has been going well. Tracking my progress in different areas (too much minutiae to post here) is helping keep myself accountable and keeping myself focused.
I’ve been feeling less angry lately. Reading HOA posts on anxious and depressed wives is very helpful to remind myself that’s it’s my fault, and any shitty behavior on her part is due to my failure to be the best man I can be. Reading Glorious_Walrus999 OYS posts has been inspiring.

The Bad

Listening to the webcast on Sunday, I was reminded that I focus too much on my weaknesses and not enough on my strengths. I engage in too much negative self-talk which hurts my confidence and thus hinders my development. Short term goal is to journal more about positive things, and how to build on my strengths. Just like in the professional world, focusing only on your weaknesses will only lead to disappointment and frustration.
Even though I’ve improved at STFU, I still had too many moments of DEERing this past week. I got sucked into several meltdows she had over Covid, school shutting down, holidays, etc. The meltdowns are a result of my lack of leadership. I need to improve at showing leadership in those situations and be the oak that will help guide the family through these crazy times. I’ve been given the gift many opportunities to improve on this over the next few months. It’s up to me the man up and do the work.

Fitness/Diet

Currently doing a PPL + Full body day program. Forcing myself to up weights every 2-3 weeks has been working well. Diet – been tracking and targeting 2550 calories, 30% protein, 45% carbs, 25% fat.

I felt good about my latest inbody measurements a few weeks ago. BF down from 17.5% to 16.6% over a 6-week period, and muscle mass up from 84.7 lbs to 86.6 lbs. Started doing some short cardio (sprints) two days a week, which I think has helped.

Social

Not much social activities this past week. Everything getting shut down again. Hung out with some parents of the kid’s friends for a bit after a birthday part, but nothing too special.

Game/Sex

Sex a week ago for the first time in almost 5 months (she was drunk and initiated). My ego wants to tell him that this is a sign that I’m becoming more attractive and she sees it, who knows what the reason. I still struggle with initiating due to various lingering beta/nice guy reasons. I’ve been given the gift on tests of strong rejection to be able to show that I’m a man that will go after what I really want. I’m still failing those tests too often.

x5278439 · 2020-11-18T01:02:13+00:00

OYS 2

Synopsis: Packed the boxes. There was much drama. There was ample opportunity to STFU as well as DEERing. Executed more of the latter than the former.

Physical: 57; 5’ 10”; 155 lbs; soon-to-be-ex-wife: 58; ex-mistress: 23; BP: 95, DL: 95, SQ: 65; for this who are curious about the numbers: artificial aortic valve and aortic dissection—keeping weight low to avoid high intra-abdominal pressure. In the same incident much tissue was removed from my legs to the point that the left foot and ankle are somewhat useless.

Reading: heartiste.org from the beginning, NMMNG, RM (audio)

Finance: Spoke with an attorney to start the process of divorce. The off-the-cuff estimation is there will be little difficulty given the length of the separation with no-contact (~4 years). Knock on wood. I expect the initial paperwork to be signature ready later this week.

Mental: Pregnancy induced marriage: not pulling out at the appropriate time. This is the major flaw in my program—not knowing when to pull out, holding on in hope, rather than assessment, of at least a return to the original state but end up watching, passively, as a small loss turns into a larger loss until, in self-disgust, exiting altogether.

Relationships: Mistress is out of the house; her infidelity took me immediately back into the helplessness I induced in myself during my wife’s affairs. Yes, my fault for not pulling out then; then is not now. Decided not to contact kids for several more months as there likely will be fallout from “Daddy’s divorcing Mom!” Maybe not. They are all adults and may contact me if they wish – their decision.

Goals this week: * Thanksgiving plan. * Attorney follow-up. * STFU

ancient_resistance · 2020-11-18T17:07:37+00:00

OYS 26

Mid 30s, 5'10", 171lbs, 19%bf (Navy). Married 10 years, 4 kids ages 5-9. 5/3/1 PRs (5-rep): squat 170, bench 160, deadlift 250, ohp 95. Read NMMNG, Meditations, TWOTSM.

MENTAL

I'm late to OYS because I didn't want to write one.

I didn't want to write one because I want to hide. I want to hide because I don't think anyone here will understand, because I'm afraid of being judged or more accurately, misunderstood. But if I can't be vulnerable anonymously to a bunch of retards I'll never meet, I'm only hurting myself.

I have lived such a fractured life, reinventing myself every few years, trying on different masks, I don't know what's real underneath. This is a stab at defining the "realness" as I see it, under all the bullshit. This could be more bullshit -- probably is at least some -- but at least trying to get real and giving zero fucks about what you think is a good start. Actually there's bullshit #1: I don't give zero fucks about what you think. I care a lot about what men I respect think of me, and some of you are men I respect. So I'm not giving zero fucks, I'm pushing past my anxiety with the belief that more good will come out of honesty and transparency than hiding.

Right now I see two people inside me: a scared shitless child looking for the comfort he didn't get from mommy and daddy in all the wrong places, and a redpilled man wondering how the fuck he ended up saddled with so much bullshit, both from himself and his family, who secretly wants to make a clean break and start over, but who also knows that he is responsible for creating the mess in front of him, and wants to want to clean it up, but just fucking doesn't. But does, because he wants to become the strongest man he possibly can, and cleaning up the mess he made is the single most difficult challenge he can imagine.

I tried avoiding and ignoring the hurt scared kid inside for most of my life. But cutting him off also cut me off from the source of life and creativity and personality that I need. So I went back, started accepting and understanding him, coaching and fathering him, growing him up. It's long, slow, hard, thankless work. I'm still getting shit-tested left and right, still practicing self-respect where I would usually hate myself.

Something else I need to get real with: I found out this year, I'm actually retarded.

High functioning autistic. They used to call it Asperger's syndrome, now it's called ASD, basically someone who can function well in most areas of life, but is socially retarded. I don't have a formal diagnosis (they are hard to get as an adult), but several high quality assessments all agree. Tests aside, it explains why I take everything literally, why humor comes so difficult, why I'm so pattern-oriented, why I have almost no friends, and why I ended up burning basically every bridge up to this point. This one guy wrote a cheat-sheet type article for those with ASD, explaining some common misunderstandings and how to deal with them. Fuck if it didn't drive me to tears. It's me. god damnit, it's still so hard to admit, even here, to strangers online.

I say this to get real, not to make excuses. It's a fact of where I come from, but doesn't dictate where I'm going. If nothing else, my time at MRP has shown me that I can learn (or unlearn) anything, even basic social skills.

PHYSICAL

Went hiking in the mountains on Sunday with a friend. Played Soccer on Monday. Still lifting.

-AR

Substantial_Rust · 2020-11-21T04:37:11+00:00

OYS 15 (missed last week due to vacation)

Stats: early 30s, 6'6", 232 lb, 12% bf (navy method), 34" waist:49.5" shoulders (1.456 ratio)

Married for 1, together for 7, no kids

Goals from last time:

Continue monitoring schedule = yes, lots of progress made here
Fix my sleep, get up and go to bed at the same time = nope, slept a lot but was not focused on it, this was a shit goal to begin with
Finish rest of TRM = only read chapter 9 (the iron rules)

Current lifts include:

Single racked Kettlebell squat 106 lb x 10 (5 right, 5 left)
Ring dips 5 sets of 3 reps (no extra weight)
Double kettlebell overhead press 53+53 lb x 8

I was experiencing a lot of pain in my wrist/thumb (which I previously thought was sprained), but I researched and discovered the problem: tenosynovitis. Basically an overuse issue, and it makes sense as it's my dominant/non-injured hand. I wore a brace for a week and didn't lift to let it rest and heal. Only improved a little, so I did more research and discovered it's similar to tennis elbow. Since I've had and overcome tennis elbow in the past, I'm just applying that mentality to this injury and I've been rehabbing and working on it. Tons of improvement in a couple of days, enough to return to lifting. Numbers are down because I'm still avoiding pushing it too hard, but they'll bounce back no problem. During my time off from lifting I went on many walks, rucks, and even jogged a few times (felt heavy and slow but still great). But nothing compares to how it feels to lift heavy.

General Observations:

I took a much needed week off of work. I unplugged and read a lot, spent time outside enjoying nicer weather, relaxed with my wife, and hung out with friends. Just allowed myself to enjoy life for a bit. Now that the PTO is over, in a way I'm picking up where I left off, but at the same time I can tell my mindset is different. I've adopted the identity of a curious scientist, and not beating myself up about the amount of progress I'm making, as long as I'm progressing and learning every day. I've continued to read about strategies to improve the structure of my days, and it's paying off. I've been scheduling and practicing timed focus sessions with work and difficult tasks and finding them easier to get into. I'm no longer worried about keeping a low profile at work. I've completed more school work. I've started picking up and regularly cleaning the house for no other reason than it's in my control and I want to have a clean house.

I'm currently over 100 days weed-free, and over 75 without alcohol. I've wanted the weed much more than the booze, and a few times I really wanted to indulge and just veg out. I just know I can't let it back in right now, as I'm unsure if I could handle it. I'm finding other indiscretions creeping back into my life. I've binged on video games, playing long sessions that left me depleted and uninterested in working on priorities. I've watched quite a bit of porn as well. I'm realizing these two are linked--doing one will lead to indulging in the other. Looking at hot bitches online definitely fucks me up. It's insidious how innocent it always starts off but how quickly it snowballs. Again, it's like my relationship with weed, if I have a little I end up down the rabbit hole. The desire to view has subsided with coming back to work and lifting and it's been several days since I've sought it out. With the way my days are set up now, I'm just too busy to go looking for it. I think the desire is also curbed when I lift regularly.

Goals for this week:

Finish TRM - chapter 10 and 11
Wake up at 5:30 every morning (more specific than my last goal)
20 minutes of reading every day (TRM or other nonfiction)
Create a zero-based calendar on work days

ImpatientZen · 2020-11-17T09:00:53+00:00

OYS #25

41, 6’0 193(-1)lbs, Married 15 years, wife 40, son 7yo.

OYS 101

Recent lifts: SQ357,5x1, BP255x2, PR175x2, DL445x2.

Read: Most things twice. WISNIFGx4 and NMMNGx3. Unchained Man, Models and other extracurricular stuff.

STFU: Getting there. Starting to express things - briefly.

Basics: no porn, no fap, no alcohol all fine. It’s been months now.

Kinda basics: Social, family, financial, spiritual, physical, work all fine or even great.

Small stuff: Good results in the gym, it seems the break in diet more got me back to/slightly above previous maxes. Started diet now, first week went OK. Sleep better than in a long time. Work is great.

Mindset

Continuously moving away from overthinking the big stuff and working on the important stuff. I still wake up with BP wrestling with RP mentality. It passes quickly, though.

Trying to help u/usefulwalk4 see some of his mental blocks made it clearer for me how to tackle my own in this regard. Just do the stuff that feels uncomfortable. It’s very much a grind right now.

I finished Rian’s series on NMMNG. It has been helpful in reminding me about things to look out for. So this week I focused on:

• Stop validation seeking behaviours. Especially from mommy-wife but also the world in general. Objectively I am doing awesome in most areas of my life. I talk about it less but still ways to go to STFU (that strategy just works for everything). I can’t become my own judge if I seek out ego-strokes. If I can move beyond needing validation from the world, I can finally unleash my potential.

• Stop the covert contracts and Nice Guy rage at the world and the feminization of it. I need to look out for myself, that’s it.

• Have sex when I want and how I want. I nerf myself incredibly and get caught in my head, it is absolutely ridiculous. Practicing pretty much every day.

• Only doing things I want to do. I have done better at this. It has been a good week for me, even with all the restrictions in place currently.

Think less, do more.

Game and sex

Game is a easy these days. I pretty much only validate sexually. I ignore and bat away shit and compliance tests. My attention is something to be earned. It’s congruent, it works. It has made me a lot happier, if not always comfortable.

Sex about daily. During the last days of shark week I worked on transitioning the BJ’s towards facefucking. Lots of training left to do here. I encourage and validate and have lots of patience. Results are coming SLOWLY. Might need to get some of that numbing spray mentioned in SGM.

I have been tempted to look at naked digital women on occasion. I am enough of a pussy that I might have, had I not been forced to own it here. Ways to go on not needing external accountability when it comes to my patterns in sex.

The next thing to do is to stop retreating to my own head and fantasizing during sex. Putting it in here because weeks of saying I want to do this less has not helped, so I’ll put it to strangers on the internet. Retarded, but whatever works for now. I still need to just fuck how I want to fuck.

In fairness I have started to. No idea why I am so scared of this. I do know that getting over going for what I want here and now will help me go for what I want going forward.

sodarishnod · 2020-11-17T12:14:59+00:00

OYS #30 (11/15) Stats: 50, wife 49, 4 kids - 21, 19, 12, 11. Mildly interested for the first 16 months. More effort since ILYBINILWY-ish blow-up in August. No sex or touching since May.

Reading Meditations by Aurelious, and Resilience. Listening to Models again, OYS commentary and Stone’s series on MMSLP. Models, WOTSM, PFS, MAP, NMMNG (3x), RM, MMSLP (2x), WISNIFG (3x), SGM and went thru Blue PillProf’s 101 video series

5’11”, 188 lbs, BF 19% (Navy Method). Max BP 250, Squat 245, OHP 165.

PHYS: Completed first round of Body Beast. Sore every day. Action: Get new apps to track work-outs.

WORK: Continuing to improve tracking priorities, productivity and movement towards business/life goals.

I met with a business and life coach.

Action: Didn’t catch up on Accounting. Solve problem of unproductive days and fear of accounting. Move some hours this week towards bigger, True North goals.

RELATIONSHIP: I picked back up on engaging and initiating by starting several conversations, being more fun and flirting on texts and moving closer to her when talking or possible.

It’s interesting that Mark Manson says that women aren’t hypergamous. If that’s true, or there’s even just ranges of how much they are so, it made me think that maybe my wife is telling the truth - that she wants me to be my own person, be real and authentic and after waiting 25 years with false hopes, she won’t move forward until she sees real change.

MINDSET: Someone commented that I’m so fucked up that I don’t realize how fucked up I am.

Maybe I don’t really get it. I know the words and can talk about it, but I haven’t internalized it. So, I examined everything that gets in the way of reality - anything that distracts or numbs me from feeling.

At times, I lose perspective. The wiring I’ve used to live my whole life is deeper and wider than I thought, and this switch isn’t coming easily. It’s disorienting.

Someone else had a helpful comment about just listing things I like and adding those into my life.

All the rest of the week can be summed up with fear of doing things and being myself, anxiety, scarcity/fear leading to preoccupation with work, etc.

I feel I was better off when I just stuck to the MAP. This week, Fix Broken Things, and Don’t Be Lazy. In AA they say “Take your head off your shoulders and put it on the shelf.”

Action: Set time aside on the calendar for painting and staining the porches. Making that happen is part of the breakthrough in mindset I need.

SOCIAL: Nothing this week. I don’t think it’s good to drag my fucked-upedness into conversations with others right now. My last talk with a friend didn’t feel good or productive.

Action: Look for an outdoor group activity to go on.

fireBadMeGood · 2020-11-17T13:03:14+00:00

OYS6 - 4 mos. in

STATS

late 30s; 5'8" 168# 20% Navy; married 15+y; same age wife, multiple kids

deadlift 250#x5x5; squat 215x5x4; bench 145x4x4; ohp 105x4x4

day bang; enlightened sex manual; epictetus' discourses; games people play; htwfip; map; mmslp; models; mystery method; nmmng; pook; rational male 1; red pill university youtube (all 100-300 series); sgm; twosm; wisnifg

UNOWNED SHIT

MENTALITY - GREEN - UP: The calm continues for the most part. Much more control over reactions. Had a few tests where I'd've previously lost my cool and steamrolled or left or otherwise thrown a temper tantrum and (though tempted a bit) didn't. Finding the WISNIFG techniques coming to me much more readily and easily.

FUN - RED - UP: Getting deer rifles next weekend. Have a plan for Turkey day and have the kiddo's Christmas gifts planned. Working on planning wife's 40th bday and a just-the-two-of-us trip in summer. Need to brainstorm ideas for winter lockdown monotony coming.

MRP - GREEN- SIDEWAYS: Enjoying the OYS posts and u/weakandsensitive's live stream.

FITNESS - GREEN - SIDEWAYS: Lifts are progressing on reps and/or pounds while weight stays between 162 and 168. Able to keep conditioning and yoga going too. Able to keep energy up with no injuries while eating at deficit and maintenance. Mirror shows new definition. Some abs are coming through.

READING - GREEN - UP: Models was a nice read. Honestly, it was nice to see authenticity as a feature of game. The Mystery stuff has so much bullshit in it. So, it was nice to see it translated into an authenticity-based game. Something I could relate with much better and naturally.

MARRIAGE - YELLOW - UP: Really good last week. We did get into a pretty deep conversation about my upcoming vasectomy which got us into airing-out and trying to bust our covert contracts and scoreboard (around that and other things). In the past, that conversation would've generated anger and butthurt on both of our parts. This time it didn't. It did generate some remorse and vulnerability, but we consoled each other on that for the next couple of days, rather than spend that time icing each other out. Day-to-day is much less fraught with tension. I'm getting better at working the tension out with playfulness or assertive communication techniques. She's getting more responsive to that.

SEX - GREEN - UP: Libido is coming back. Both wife and I are initiating. I'm a lot less aggressive and needy. The sex is trending back to a bit more adventurous and immersive.

WORK - YELLOW - DOWN: Last week's projects stalled by clients. Lots of unpredictability in my markets. I need to spend the free time working on the contingency plan, which I've not progressed on in the last couple of weeks.

SOCIAL - YELLOW - UP: Did some alone time instead of social. Advanced a whole bunch of projects in my house that have been sapping my energy while listening to Red Pill University podcasts and reflecting on Mission and Codependency. It was extremely satisfying use of time.

KIDS - GREEN - SIDEWAYS: Schools are closing all around. We had previously done a three week stint of remote, though, so the kids are really chill about the likelihood of having to work from home with me again. Their spirits are good.

HISTORY

OYS1 - Shitty platitudes. Head in the clouds.

OYS2 - Recognizing need to get serious; confused; mercurial

OYS3 - Ego. Fucking ego. Elephant hunting.

OYS4 - (Rule 9) Extended background. Struggling with anger and grief stages.

OYS5 - Calming down. Focus returning.

jaackknives · 2020-11-17T13:03:50+00:00

OYS # 25

34 yo, 6’1”, 185 lbs. Married 10 years, together 15 years. 1 kid (5). 14% B.F (Navy method). Squat 240x2, Bench 185x4, Deadlift 320x5, OHP 130x5, PClean 165X3.

Reading

Completed WISNIFG, NMMNG x2, MMSL x2, SGM, TRM, MAP, Pook, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, TWOTSM, Bigger Leaner Stronger, 48 LOP, Models, Saving a Low Sex Marriage. Currently reading MAP.

Audiobooks: NMMNG, TWOTSM x3, Day Bang. Currently listening to The Art of Seduction.

Lifting/Exercise

I’ve mostly recovered from being sick the past couple of weeks but am out of quarantine. I went back in to the gym yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks. I deloaded and eased back into the weights, but by the time I got home I was already having a great fucking day. It felt fantastic to be back in the gym.

Sex

I’ve been paying attention to my sexual desires lately, as it’s been lacking for the past few months. I was pleased to notice desire popping up a few times this past week, and seeing both mental and physical reactions in myself. I felt the deep desire to fuck for perhaps the first time in weeks.

Mental

Last week HOA shared the Epic Test post with me. I had read it before but it was an appropriate time to revisit it. I definitely sensed my congruence being tested throughout the week. For example, I’ve started getting comments that I’m too full of myself, etc. I’m being tested to see if I actually believe what I’m saying. I think I do lack some self confidence here and have room to grow. Sometimes it does like a bit of grandstanding on my part. I believe objectively that I AM as awesome as I state, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t yet quite believe it.

Earlier in my journey I had jumped on using AA responses a lot. Eventually I realized that they seemed to provide more comfort than anything else. They weren’t having the desired effect. It was pointed out to me that I probably wasn’t there mentally or physically to be able to back up the AA responses, so I stopped using them responses. I believe I’m in a place now mentally where I can back up those types of comments, so I’ll work AA back in the mix.

I wrote about this a bit last week. Sometimes I decide to stir up some emotions in my wife. Maybe there’s a part of me that wants to test my own frame as well. I tease her a bit, then double down when I get pushback and my frame is tested. I did this one day this week, and I watched her reaction turn from amusement to annoyance pretty quickly. I was pressured with “You think you can just do whatever you want?”. Yes, yes I do. This triggered one of the biggest responses I’ve seen yet in my journey here. I’ve found it pretty easy to maintain a lighthearted attitude throughout these encounters and stay within my frame.

Family / Home

I punished my son one evening while putting him to bed. He did something I didn’t like, and I immediately let him know I was displeased, and I removed my time and attention, rather than spend a few minutes talking with him like I usually do. An hour later, I had completely forgotten about it. I went to check on him in bed, and he was still awake. He apologized to me, knowing that I had been upset. I comforted him and said good night. It was a bit shocking to me how effective it had been at conveying my displeasure. He had been laying in bed for an hour thinking about it.

Hobbies

I was planning on going bow hunting this weekend again. Last weekend was my first time ever doing so, and I had a hell of a good time. On Friday I was told by my wife that I can’t go this weekend. I looked her straight in the eyes and said “No, I’m going hunting this weekend”. I received a bit of pushback, but ultimately that was the end of any resistance.

I’ve received a lot of guilt over the years for going out and doing things on my own. It used to weigh really heavily on me, and often I would withhold from doing what I wanted to do because I felt ‘bad’ for being out of the house. I’d be lying if I said there was absolutely zero guilt after this encounter, but it was only a tiny fraction of what it used to be. When I was out in the woods though it didn’t cross my mind, and I was able to fully enjoy myself.

I’ve been doing a lot of research this week for a new hobby, and I’m really excited about it. It’s something I’ve wanted to do since I was in high school, but I had written it off years ago as something that would never happen. Something that I had missed the opportunity. Now I have a vision for the future and it’s really exciting to me.

BobafetRP · 2020-11-17T13:04:32+00:00

OYS #4

Stats:

Age 42, 6'1" 250 lbs, wife 34 Married 11, 4 boys (15, 10, 6 and 6)

Reading: 16 Pillars of Self Esteem

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, TWOTSM, WISNIFG, TRP sidebar, Art of Seduction, Atomic Attraction:The Psychology of Attraction, The Neurobiology of ‘We’, Practical Femal Psychology, Hold on to Your NUTs, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, The Virtue of Selfishness - Ayn Rand,

Books on the backburner for now: Models, Book of Pook, 4 Agreements, Power of Now

Shorter term mission: finish up the house. I built this house and there are parts I have never finished. I want to get these done and also it is important to me to come home to a clean house, so I have been cleaning shit to get it there as well.

I have been away hunting and cleaning has slipped in my absence. Had the kids help clean areas of the house (more below). Added some doors to one closet, replaced curtain rods in a couple bedrooms as the old ones were failing.

Longer term mission: I enjoy hiking and backpacking. I have joined a local hiking group and after the winter am going to start working up to multiday trips. I eventually want to hit all 7 continents and take on something like the AT (6 month hike).

Next year's plan, have 2 trails that I want to backpack, one is a couple nights, the other is a bit over a week. For 2022 I am aiming to complete the great divide trail.

Physical:

Weight as of Sunday Morning 252.8lbs, prior week was 251.6lbs

This week I was hunting, so no workouts while gone but did hike through some bush and deep snow. The days I was home I did work out 2 out of 3 days back. Diet needs to improve, had a number of intermittent fasting days (4), but too much junk food. Actionable items - 4 workouts this upcoming week and 2 - 72 hour fasts, during eating windows stick to non-processed, low carb foods.

I have been on track with all the exercises the physiotherapist has given me and recorded them in a habits app.

Mental:

This has been my primary focus for the week. I have been practicing 10 mins of meditation almost every day and grounding techniques through-out each day. After reading and taking notes on “The Virtue of Selfishness”, makes me really take a hard look at what I consider selfish and looking out for my needs is not ‘bad’ but in fact quite a rational thing to do. I also had to take a hard look at my values, up till now I feel like I have been living to what others expect and seeking validation from that. I spent time on and off all week trying to identify my own values and believe I have my core values identified.

I am starting to read and taking notes on “16 pillars of Self Esteem” as this is an area I am lacking and need to build on. Actionable items - Continue meditation each day, mirror self talk each day, grounding techniques. Continue 16 pillars of self esteem and identify internal esteem issues and strengthen them.

Relationships:

Dad - I went hunting but I am not a huge hunting fan, my Dad is. He is at the point where he is not as physically able to hunt and walk through bush. This is important to him and seeing him happy is important to me so I make the time because I know it is limited.

Brother - Older brother who I don’t really connect with was hunting with us. We did have time to talk and were able to make a bit more of a connection. It was a positive experience.

Friend - Had a close friend over on the weekend. The house was not spotless and it has always been an insecurity of mine. I decided fuck it, if he can’t handly a bit of a mess then that is not my issue. It is an area I have been trying hard to improve with and been working on the kids to help keep things clean, pick up behind themselves (their past lack of this was my lack of boundaries). We had a good visit and it helped identify boundaries I need to strengthen and that I need to teach and coach my kids better. They have been doing better but we all still need to improve. Actionable item - I intend to stop cleaning up a mess they leave behind and instead have them come and clean the mess they left behind.

Marriage - Wife has been fairly quiet and since I have been home a couple times I have tried to start a conversation, she only had short responses. Not sure exactly what is going on but whatever, I will STFU and work on my own stuff for now. Actionable item - continue to STFU and focus on my shit. Don’t be autistic and ignore her completely but let her do her thing.

Side notes: I found over the past bit that when I receive a text message, I look at my phone thinking it is the wife. I changed the text notification for her to break myself out of that habit. That’s the needy codependent part of me still operating in her frame.

Someone told me about removing fale influences, that includes influence from your fears and insecurities. Took a bit but I can see how my fears and insecurities do influence me so I started a list that I will add to this week. Doing this made me recognize that at times I am changing who I present myself to be to others, but specifically I am doing this with my wife. I am not being myself around her, I am being who I think she wants me to be. I need to stop this and start being myself again.

Trying to do up my posts to cover Monday to Sunday, this way I can prep them on the weekend and post them on Tuesday.

Stallion--Duck · 2020-11-17T13:28:51+00:00

age 29 wt 195 ht 5'10

Fitness

Still in a cut, working towards 175lbs super lean, I have a good bit of muscle and a pretty good v taper build when it's not covered in inches of fat. I've made progress with definition, the scale doesn't change much but what I see in the mirror does. I've always been self conscious about having that bit of fat under my chin, and around my waist. I dont see it until I'm in pictures from side angles. I don't like it not because it looks bad, but because it reflects the badness inside. The lack of discipline that I don't want to face. I'm slowly coming along however. The progress is there, I just have to keep the discipline on the weekends to still use the myfitnesspal app and not say "ahhh it'll be alright"

financial I am now the gatekeeper of all finances. I manage all bills, I track the income and the outgoing. Before, I went to work, made a check and dropped it at my wife's feet and she managed all the money, Bill's and expenses. One area that I fall short on is budgeting. I use the Every Dollar app but it tends to be difficult because my income fluctuates by the week. There is no way of predicting what I have coming for the month. This last time, I just took my lowest paid month of the year and used that to set the bar. I wish I could say that I strategically put everything else into the rainy day and other funds but no, I just let it float in the bank account.

Relationship

Things are kinda weird right now. I have a have a four month old daughter along with two toddler boys with my wife. I have stepped up to lead in many small areas such as keeping my house clean, putting my boys to bed every night after reading them a book, I do most of the cooking. Right now I try to do a little more on my end just because my wife is in "survival mode" taking care of our daughter. I have noticed that my wife steps up to clean more now since it's my default before bedtime ritual to make sure the dishes are done, table is cleared etc. Sex is borderline nonexistent at this time, it was in abundance before the baby. I know it's part of postpartum. It's hard to want to fuck when you've not slept, have high stress and a baby is crying every waking moment. I look at it as a time of self focus while lending any help I can. Sex will come one way or another eventually. I still initiate a few times a week, sometimes it happens, usually it's a soft denial. The blue pill me used to get rejected, lay there in the dark making obvious huffing sounds like I couldn't sleep until my wife would finally roll over to jerk my dick. Now I just look at it as a positive either way. Outcome 1- I get laid, good. Outcome 2- I don't get laid, good. More time to sleep. Maybe I'm just bullshitting myself here and it does bother me. I don't really know. At least I'm not being externally unattractive either way.

Blarg_Risen · 2020-11-17T13:51:05+00:00

OYS#10– 35 6’0 188lbs, 18% BF Navy Method / Married 8 Years, Together 11 / 2 kids ( 7 and 4)

Read – NMMNG (x2), MAP, WISNIFG, MMSLP, The Rational Male. Book of Pook, 16 Commandments of Poon. 48 Laws of Power, Day Bang

Reading – Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Meditations.

Returning from a week off of OYS. I have been overthinking a lot of my actions, I took two weeks to test my shit out. Horns called me out 2 weeks ago for not putting myself in a position to succeed or fail big, and for choosing mediocracy and easy challenges. So I took a two weeks to do what I wanted, to push myself to intentional failure. I Lifted heavier than ever, presented an idea of mine to 1200 people within my company, fucked my wife a few times, and went mountain biking with my son for the first time. Took my daughter on a date. I also failed a major shit test, got a lot of hard nos, tried some dumb shit from Day Bang, and didn’t get the all the cardio in I wanted to, and found out my Aunt has Glioblastoma.

Also, my wife brought up yesterday that she wanted to see a sex therapist. This brought me out of frame for a bit, and I was trying to rationalize her thinking. That is obviously the wrong mindset. My plan does not change.

I learned 2 major things these 2 weeks. 1.) I had not been doing lifting heavy, I had been making progress, but I was holding back taking consistent action. 2.) It took someone else calling me out on it to recognize this. Is it a bad thing that It took someone else to challenging me for me to finally step up, should I have been able to do this myself? I question that, but ultimately think it does not matter. Moving forward I will be able to challenge myself, now that I can feel that fire, I want to be able to keep it lit.

Current Mission : Be able to light my own fire, and keep it lit.

Lifts last week

BP- 5x5 155

Squat – 4 x 10 125

DL – 3x5 185

OH Press – 3 x 10 75

Row – 3 x 10 85

fix-the-man · 2020-11-17T13:51:57+00:00

OYS #4

Stats: 35 M, 5'11", 220 lbs.; Wife 36, 5'0", 100 lbs; 1 kid, 5

Reading: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TRM, What a Year of Owning Your Shit Looks Like, Pook, TWOTSM, PFPFTPM, Day Bang, MAP

Lifts: SL 5x5

BP 60 BBR 60 SQ 75 DL 66 OHP 60 3x/wk 2 mile run

Continuing work here. Squats are starting to feel less awkward. Balance is more sure now. I'm generally happy with that. Rows and DL still need work to get into muscle memory. I catch myself engaging the back too much still.

Also took the wife on a date to a rock climbing gym. I had never been before, and was excited to try. Made it to the top of the easiest wall a few times. Failed some of the harder climbs. Had a blast though. Talked with a bunch of folks there. Got pointers on climbing.

I was having a tough time on the walls getting tired out about halfway up. My forearms were dying. A guy i talked to told me hands are for keeping yourself on the wall, legs are for pushing yourself up the wall. It was a game changer for me. I had essentially been trying to constantly do pull ups up there. This changed it to squats with handholds, and I made it up a few times with minimal difficulty.

Social: My dad came to town to visit this weekend, a visit that I've been trying to organize for about a month. Social obligations kept making it not feasible. We spent some good time together talking about his life and some other stuff. He took my son to the zoo while I took my wife rock climbing.

There's going to be a Friends Thanksgiving next weekend that we're going to. My wife was thinking she should make a side in addition to her planned dessert. I told her plenty of sides were already signed up for, but no desserts. Go with a second pie.

Actual Thanksgiving got canceled. The plan was to go to North Carolina to visit my sister, but her son was hospitalized this week, so we made the decision to not burden her with hosting and company. We're audibling into my dad hosting, so we'll go to his place instead.

I reconnected with my mom during Easter this year, who i hadn't spoken to in six years previously. I'm going to bring my family to visit her this Christmas. There's a lot of history that I don't want to get into here, but I think this relationship is in a good place now. In the past we have had blow ups that have hampered the relationship during holiday visits, but I don't foresee that being a problem now. There's nothing like showing you're willing to walk away for six years to show someone they can't treat you a certain way.

Relationship: This was a shit week for me. It was shark week, and I know comfort is the name of the game this week, but I was so in my own head about being owed sex in return for all my weight loss gains (literally the thing I knew I was supposed to watch out for last week) that I wasn't feeling like providing comfort.

So many tests this week, some that I passed and held frame on, but most that I just DEERed and got angry about and bitched about. It was so absolutely terrible, and I knew it, but my emotions controlled me rather than vice versa.

What is clear to me is that my wife is a good woman who wants to follow a good man. It's also clear that I am not that. Yet. I have fucked this up so very bad, and it's not going to be a quick fix

Sex once this week. It was a little bit duty sex but mostly pity sex. I couldn't sleep, woke her up at 2 am, told her I need sex, had a quickie while she tried to think about being anywhere but under me, absolutely hated myself, and fell asleep. All other initiations this week rejected, including earlier that night.

Mental: I'm pretty fucked up right now about my wife. I know the answer is instead of being a bitch, go lift something or do something else. Right now, I'm committed to lifting on a schedule. I've gone for a run a few times just to get out when it happens. Sometimes when I feel this anger though, it's keeping me from sleeping. I think I could get to sleep if I went and slept on the couch, but I've read about how awful that move is, so I just lie there and stew, which I know is also a terrible move. The right move is to be a man, not give a shit, and go to sleep, but my frame isn't there.

Mission: Still no fap. Success. 5 weeks now. Be less fat. Still going down. Don't be unattractive. FAIL STFU, no DEER. FAIL

SeekerTRP · 2020-11-17T14:08:50+00:00

OYS#5

37, 6’0”, 191lbs. BF 18%. Wife is 44. Married 5yr. Together 10yr. Open marriage for 1.5 years. No kids.

Added ‘open marriage’ in the top line to not give monogamists the wrong idea.

Read: The Power of Now, TWOSM, The Rational Male, NMMNG, 48LOP, WISNIFG, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

Reading: The Almanac of Naval Ravikant

Lifts: Bench 205x6 Dead 245X6 Squat 205X6

Mission: Cultivate discipline. Seek wisdom. Be at peace.

Health and Fitness:

Spent the last week in the gym every day I could except when I needed a rest. Been doing an hour of cardio on the elliptical and then 20 mins in the sauna when I got home. Diet has been on point too. I’ve never taken care of myself like this ever. It’s very encouraging to see my abs and be one of the ‘in shape guys’ at the gym.

Addiction:

No Cigarettes since July 2019 No Junk Food / Fast Food SUCCESS. Moderate Alcohol consumption SUCCESS. I accidentally dropped a beer out of my mini fridge and the seal broke. My first thought was ‘I guess I’m having a beer tonight’ but my second thought was that I am the one who gets to choose and I value my goals more than I value not being wasteful, then I poured it down the drain. Moderate time spent playing games FAIL. I could be more productive. Moderate masturbation and use of pornography SUCCESS. This week I adopted a schedule of one day on one day off. I’ll try to keep this going for another week before I wean myself off further. It’s nothing to be proud of but this one has always been a sticking point. It’s been a daily habit since I was 8 years old. Any resources here would be most welcome.

Mental:

FUCK MY FEELINGS I have upped the meditation to 30 minutes a day on weekdays. I did 30 Minutes on Saturday too. My goal for this week will be to not take any days off. I have noticed from being consistent with the meditation that my mood tends to be more stable and holds at a higher level. I’m less wound up about nonsense and it’s harder for me to get pulled into my wife’s bitching and complaining. I got feedback about killing the ego from u/RedBackedBadger suggesting that I pay attention to any strong emotions that arise. Since this week has had a very positive tone, I’m trying to enjoy my small victories without allowing them to form any part of my identity. I’m not even sure if that last sentence makes any fucking sense. I’m still really confused about who I am. It feels like I’m digging through a lifetime worth of a mountain of bullshit to figure that out.

Financial:

I’m in the middle of a seasonal lull so I’m taking advantage of some of my spare time to re-enter some market positions that I used to have. Also have been thinking about putting some money into Crypto but I don’t think I understand it, and I’m not a gambler.

Social:

I’m pleased with the frequency and time spent seeing my friends. It’s invigorating.

Sex / Relationship:

I fucked my wife last Tuesday. I’ve noticed that she’s been a bit more kissy and affectionate. I’m trying to discern if it’s genuine desire or a comfort test. My suspicion is the latter. I watched her do her workout yesterday. It’s bullshit. It looked like someone who’s trying to make a show of it instead of trying to get better. Her diet is bullshit too. I can’t blame her. It’s my fault that I was such a weak leader for so long I should not be surprised that there’s no respect for me or my opinion. The chronic illness grindstone continues to work away on her. My response in the face of almost unending negativity is to ignore, leave or reframe. I want to ask for help if anyone knows strategy to cope with a partner with chronic illness. As the clock ticks closer to ten years with this woman I’m very slowly losing hope that this marriage is worth salvaging. I fucked the 27-year-old (#11) that I made out with in the park last week. It was everything I wanted it to be. I’m trying to not get overly excited or overly invested but she was the hottest woman I’ve ever been with. I’d be happy to bang her some more rather than prospect for new chicks right now. She thought I looked 32. I told her that made my night. But what actually made my night was fucking her. Let’s see how long I can keep this one spinning. I’m so grateful to be here. Whatever is happening, it’s working.

BootySlayer911 · 2020-11-17T14:22:50+00:00

OYS 12

45, 6'1, 174 lbs, BF % 19% using cheap calipers; stbx 43, kids 7 & 8, separated 1 year divorce pending trial in February

Read: Second journey through sidebar, completed all books once through earlier in 2020, currently reading The Mystery Method and the Nomad Capitalist

Physical: I've plateaued on all SL 5x5 lifts so exploring the 3x5 and madcow stuff now, not that my lifts are impressive but I'm definitely close to my 5x5 limit: SQ 140lbs, BP 140lbs, BR 140 lbs, OP 105 lbs, DL 265 lbs. The app tracks my performance since I started in March 2020 and everything shot up until hitting a ceiling 2 months ago, so need to improve here; diet clean but I'm so busy having trouble getting enough calories in to keep weight up, have the FitnessPal app need to use it; I look good overall I think I just want to build real muscle and get big especially my arms

Career: I got declined from the good paying job, so my day job still sucks making next to nothing but it still beats unemployment; working on getting a better day job (wfh customer service job - I know). I have an mba and 2 financial industry designations, but I ran my career (and life) off the rails with serious BP behavior including burning bridges and heavy drinking, but I'm on the right track. The handyman side business is busy af with many repeat customers, almost too much to handle being a side business. Gross sales would be over 10k for the next 2 months of work we have lined up. Also got another job that has the potential to take me abroad and pay better, but I need to stay here for my kids for now

Divorce: Great news - After exactly one year of being on a protection order (now expired) I got to see my kids at the counselor's office for the first time. They had changed alot, put on alot of weight and grew several inches; my youngest used to have blonde hair now its darker. It was difficult to see little kids dealing with heavy emotions like "Oh hi Dad where have you been the last year?" But they both hugged me and told me they loved me, it was something else. I caught a glimpse of my stbx, it looks like she's gained alot of weight and I feel some pity for her; my kid drew a picture of all of us like we were a family again. Obviously not going to happen but its natural for a little kid to think of their mommy and daddy together. This stuff fucking breaks my heart for my kids' sake but they'll get used to it someday. I just need to be there for these kids, I feel like a stranger to them now a little bit and I'm ready to be their Dad again. Next appointment to see them November 24th. Divorce trial set for February 2021. I asked if kids can come see me at Christmas so we'll see what the fat hog counselor decides.

Personal: My Dad died last Friday, he wasn't in good health and smoked fucking cigars for 30 years. We didn't have a great relationship, and I think I used to analyze it too much until my uncle said guess what that's pretty much every father son relationship throughout history. Fathers are supposed to be hard on their sons, because life is fucking hard and you have to learn to fight be tough and constantly improve and no woman is ever going to teach you that. That's one reason we're all in this place, because women instinctually know this and they want tough strong fighting men who can fucking survive life's bullshit. Anyway, by Sunday I had let go of the negative feelings and remembered that though he was flawed I need to respect his memory. Flying back to TX early December to see family, my sister is putting on a big family thing which is kind of cool after being alone for so long out here.

Women: The redhead comes over twice a week and cooks for me, she loves it from behind and every time I slap her ass she moans in pleasure; I swear to God I gotta learn more about that, HOA definitely on to something with that stuff. I read somewhere that all women have rape fantasy and its basically that they want to be rendered helpless and fucked hard by a stronger man. I went out with a 7 last night but it won't progress, I've got one or two more lined up but granted these are dating app chicks. I still haven't really cold approached at all, the redhead at Lowe's from a few weeks ago stopped IOIs so I let it go for now. Cold approach/approaching IRL whatever you want to call it, that's the best way because you immediately see how hot the girl is, and by God they WANT you to come hit on them, even if they turn you down its a fun thing to do. That's what I love about Mystery Method, they remind you that this is supposed to be FUN. Life is fucking short, have fun, go hit on girls. They will love it and every one of them wants to get fucked hard even if they never admit it.

Goals: Get organized, I slacked off making a daily todo list need one every day; read every day; increase calories/protein; cold approach ONE GIRL A WEEK for the rest of 2020; get a better day job; get Handyman jobs completed before I go to TX; explore using toys with redhead, spanking harder, find out where the limit is without getting arrested; work on stand up comedy routine (I'm the moderator for the Phoenix stand up comedy group); work on music recording; get two more plates spinning

chad_thunderwrench · 2020-11-17T18:36:01+00:00

OYS #5

Been at this for 6 months total

Stats- 179LBS 13% BF 205 Bench / 285 Squat / 415 Deadlift

32 Years Old, Married 4 years, 3 kids under 7

Reading - NMMNG, WISNIFG, Pook, MMSLP, TRM, TWOTSM, 10% 48 laws of power.

Mission - To become a respected Father and Husband to my family. Stay strong and healthy into old age. Captain my family through life.

Mentality - Great start, terrible finish.

The week started off great. I got home from work and immediately initiated when i got to bed. It was great. Next two days also where awesome. We cuddled on the couch (haven't done that in at least 2 years). Sex 3 days in a row. Generally the entire family was in a great mood. I remember thinking to myself on Saturday, maybe I've rounded a corner, maybe things are truly getting better.

Sunday the shit tests started rolling in. I was caught off guard. I was lazy and I failed these in typical old me fashion. The entire day was spent at each others throats. Much of the same yesterday (surprise surprise). I A&A and Fogged these and believe I passed but its clear that I did a lot of damage with my laziness Sunday.

Her son is a lot more outspoken, and energetic than mine. He always speaks his mind and decides what is wrong or right (which is a good thing). However he also makes comments that are out of line. Anything that is slightly wrong or not to his standard he bitches about. You burnt this because the temperature was too hot. The banana's are gone because you ate them all. I was angry at school because you didn't give me enough lunch, etc, etc. His mother plays into it when its "my fault" but punishes him or jokes with him when its "her fault". Drives me crazy that she takes his side. I hold frame and ignore it for the most part but I would like your opinions on best way to deal with this. A&A??

Gym/Lifting- Worked out 5/7 and light cardio on my days off. On an off day I was shoveling snow in the backyard (build my sons a sledding hill) and pulled something in my back. So strange that I can Deadlift over 400 but a 20 lb shovel pull of snow fucked up my back. Anyways I kept that shit to myself and stretched it out. It went away a couple days later. Need to stretch more.

Career- Off all week on my scheduled days off. Nothing new to report.

Summary- I cannot let my guard down. If things get better its just temporary, this is a marathon. Recognize and pass shit tests consistently.

Number_Thirty_Four · 2020-11-17T19:49:49+00:00

I've revised and shortened this to be more concise, and posted it as a comment on this one. Thanks for the feedback.

~~OYS #1 (part 1)~~

~~Stats~~ ~~42 yo, 6’0, 197lbs, 18-20% BF(eyeballing it), Married 13, together 14, Kids: special needs boy-6, girl-7, girl-10, boy-12~~

~~Lifts:~~ ~~Bench Press 210, Overhead Press 135, Zercher Squat 215, Pull-ups 8~~

~~Completed Reading:~~ ~~NMMNG, MMSLP, WISIFG, The Rational Male Book 1, SGM, WOTSM, Mindful Attraction Plan, The Book of Pook, 16 Commandments of Poon, Steel’s Guide, Shit-ton of Jackten’s posts.~~

~~Background:~~ For most of my life, I’ve had piss-poor self respect, and have been working with shitty mental models of masculinity, marriage, and sexual dynamics. This resulted in an emotionally volatile marriage, stagnation in life/career/relationships, chronic depression, anxiety, and suicidal urges. In March of 2019, the urges got much stronger and I was finally admitted to a mental hospital for a few days. This was a rock-bottom major ego-check event. I have since come to recognize my hospitalization as one of those definitive before/after life markers. Since then, I’ve been on a mission to get my shit together. Today, I’m more fit and happy than I’ve ever been, and lurking at MRP has played a huge role. I know I can do better, so I decided to lurk less and start owning my shit more.

~~Mission:~~ ~~To create a space in which all those under my sphere of care and influence have the opportunity to reach their potential to thrive.~~

~~Physical:~~ It’s always been easy for me to look pretty good. Genetically lucky. I started lifting pretty regularly at the beginning of summer. My lifts aren’t great, but I like how I look, and I’m happy with the progress I’ve made. My goal at the moment is to retain the muscle gain as much as possible while cutting down enough fat to have clearly defined abs. I seem to always linger in the zone of “nearly abs”, and I want to break through on that front.

~~Goals:~~

~~Continue using 16:8 intermittent fasting to burn fat. Continue lifting three times per week. Buy a measuring tape and figure out my BF with Navy Method.~~

~~Mental:~~ ~~I think my mindset is solid right now. Except that every time I think I’m solid, I relax and some new blind spot knocks me on my ass. Right now, I don’t know what to expect.~~

My goal at the moment is to stay alert, focused and ready to address whatever new blind spot knocks me on my ass next time. I think I could benefit from establishing a mindfulness meditation habit to help with this sort of thing. I’m currently working through a book that is basically “mindfulness meditation for Catholics”.

One of the things that makes me the most nervous at the moment is the thought of posting my first OYS. It’s hard not to fall into old validation seeking patterns by trying to say all the “right things” to a bunch of internet strangers, for whom I’ve developed some bullshit emotional need to impress.

~~Goals:~~

~~Stay focused and alert. Finish the mindfulness book. Post OYS1.~~

~~Financial:~~ This is where I suck the most, and where I most want to improve. It’s probably the area that is most difficult for me to write honestly about, and an area in which I need to be especially wary of ego protecting bullshit.

One of the first things I did to start my rebuilding after I got out of the mental hospital was file for chapter 7 bankruptcy. Fortunately, nearly all of our debt was in my name, so I was able to file alone, without my wife, preserving her credit. Having completed the bankruptcy, we are now more secure financially than we’ve ever been in our marriage. This has been a tremendous relief for both of us and I’m determined to make sure we never go back.

Having nearly all of our debt wiped out has gotten us out of the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle. We’re actually able to come out a little bit ahead each month as long as we don’t go crazy. Based on some comments on MRP, I started using YNAB a little less than a month ago, and this will be a huge help. It’s been a great tool for keeping us on track. I’ve taught my wife how to use it when she’s spending money, and she’s all-in.

Just staying out of debt is not enough. In order to have the security and freedom I want, in order to accomplish my mission, I need to make more money. I don’t want to be dependent upon any given employer for my livelihood. My long term goal is to develop the ability to generate a comfortable income without being dependent upon any particular employer, and without sacrificing all of my day-to-day time and energy. In the short term, I hope to start a side-hustle to supplement my income. Eventually, I want to grow the side-hustle into a full-time gig. At this point, I don’t have a lot of ideas about what this is going to look like. I’m only now defining what I really want, and haven’t yet sketched out a plan for how to get there.

~~Goals: Create a Google Doc, and start brainstorming and researching side-hustle ideas. Keep budgeting with YNAB faithfully.(cont.) (edit - typos)~~

GetOffMyLawn74 · 2020-11-17T21:52:46+00:00

OYS # 4 46 M, Wife (SAHM) – 38 – Married 9 – together 12 – Kids 2 M (7) and M (5); F 20 from XW.

Physical: 5-9, 196 lbs; 27% BF (Navy method) 24% calipers; no lifts currently because of torn pec in March. I am lifting three days per week and mixing in cardio while I gradually return to full workouts. I am back in full swing on everything except for chest related lifts, on which I still have to keep it very light. I have calculated my TDEE and am eating 400 calories below. I was successful 6 of 7 days this week and lost a few more pounds - averaged at 196.

Reading: NMMNG X2; WISNIFG X2; MMSLP; TRM X2; MAP; Pook. Sidebar X 2. Currently reading MAP again and SALSM. I’m listening to Iron John by Robert Bly - about half way through and am really enjoying it.

Mission: I am going to put together my mission this week. I feel like I’m getting to a place where I can come up with a genuine mission without making up some stuff that I think will just sound good to other people. I need to own this mission and write it for me. Then live it all out.

Career: One of my problems on career related goals and projects is procrastination. Without even consciously focusing on it, I have noticed significant improvement over the last few weeks. Being disciplined and forging a more disciplined routine and mindset is having a collateral impact on my work habits. Far less procrastination and I feel like I am doing my work with a much more pronounced sense of pride. Rather than doing the work because I have to make a deadline or because the client will be upset if it is not done properly, I have found myself focussing more on my enjoyment of the work and my own desire to succeed. This thought process is so much more motivating and rewarding than the “fear” mindset I have been working with for my entire life.

Family: Not as much family time last week since I was on the road for 4 days. I did take the boys golfing Sunday. Had a really good time and they asked if we could go again next week. Need to make sure that I am reading to them and watching the tone that i use with them. I feel like every parent of boys should read Iron John.

Relationship:

35 days no FAP. No porn and no jerking off while on the road in hotels last week. Instead I went to the gym 2 nights in 2 different towns. I have to say toward the end, I was feeling the pull, but no effing way I was going to give in. Had sex twice over the weekend after my return. Sex is better now - i have more stamina and I’m not thinking about the porn I have been watching. I feel like I am more present in the moment.

Got a shit test about going to my buddies house to watch football Saturday after being out of town all week. Completely ignored it. Interesting that I recognized even before the shit test that my instant default thought was her reaction and how I can placate her to “make up” for the fact that I am going. I was already planning on getting a jump start on the outdoor Christmas decorations - - but when I told her about the game I immediately thought that I should also tell her about my decorating plans to “soften the blow” of doing what I want. JFC, my mental point of origin is so off, but I guess you don’t undo decades of bad perspective overnight. The reality is this - I want to watch the game with my friends. I want to get a jump start on Christmas lights. I’m doing both because it is what I want to do on the weekend.

Found some good guidance here regarding handling shit tests without a negative mindset and resentment for the shit test. Started really just treating them like jokes and responding in as fun a way as possible. Went pretty well, then this: “Other men make me feel better about myself than you do” and “you should just get a girlfriend.” Side note: I responded with “sweet. I’ll go download tinder.” But am I wrong to equate these statements with ILYBINILWY? I don’t know what to think about this - just kept a fun attitude over the weekend and blew it off to just more bitchness that will not impact my behavior. But it did hit me a little.

I also recognize that I write about and think about “passing” shit test a lot. I am still operating with her as the focus. She doesn’t matter. Need to shift focus to passing shit test because it’s just what I do. I am focused, but fun and you cannot shake that frame.

Social:Watched football and drank beers with a good friend of mine. Had a blast. We committed to getting together more often - he’s divorced a few years so fun to hang with a single guy. My shooting friend has been luke warm on getting to the gun range, so i signed up for an individual shooting class next Monday. Pretty jacked about that too. Scheduled golf with a friend for the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

Goals for the week are to continue on the physical improvements. I am feeling and starting to see a difference.. I’m going to work on mindset by actually doing some of the exercises set out in NMMNG (I did not get to this last week); continue no porn and no jerking off (this is getting to be the norm).

bluepillbandit · 2020-11-17T23:21:00+00:00

OYS #30- Been at this nearly 13 months

Dread Level- 3

Stats- Age: 41- 193cm 95.5kg (down 0.5kg), Waist- 35.8” (down 0.7 of an inch)

Lifting- Squat- 140kg, Deadlift- 170kg, Incline Bench- 95kg, Standing Press- 60kg

Relationship: Wife 39- Together 20 years- Married 16 years- Kids 10 & 8

Read: Dead bedroom fix, NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, Saving a low sex marriage, Rational Male, The Way of the Superior Man, Bang, Attract X- Psychic and Mental Seduction, Own Your Shit- Conquer Life, Man Up, 12 Rules for Life

Reading: NMMNG- 20%- Audiobook this time. It’s a huge difference from reading it in my own voice and I have taken quite a lot of the information differently this time.

Mission- To use my authentic, free self to bring a positive change to the world.

Mindset- Compare to yesterday. Focus on today. Plan for tomorrow.

Alcohol- Had one beer with a mate on Sunday arvo.

Mental- I have watched less than an hour of tv a day this last week. I have just made myself busy. Work, kids, gym, doing whatever needs to be done around the house. Meditation has been harder than I expected the last week or so. I haven’t found my groove until right near the end of my 15 minutes. Will just keep pushing.

Physical & Diet- Lose 1kg per week till Christmas. Train every day for at least 10 minutes. Stick to the food plan.

Trained 5 out of 7 days. Friday and Tuesday again got carried away with work again. Diet wise I’m locked in. Food prepped on Sunday arvo and it’s all there ready to go. Same food every day but I’m ok with that. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel here. I still have a good 5-8kgs to go but I will be in the 10-12% range at 90-92kgs if previous history is anything to go by.

Physique wise I have finally figured out how to activate my pecs. And by figured out I happened to catch a Eugene Teo video on benching to activate the pecs. Forever I have benched like a powerlifter. Shoulder blades down and back, maximum arch, etc. I have only ever benched 100kg twice and considering my weight that’s a poor effort. I took a massive step back with this new technique of letting the shoulder blades move and keeping a neutral spine (no arch and almost flat on the bench). A few sets at 50kg and the pecs were on fire. To say I’m excited is an understatement as this is by far my weakest point. Arms are just over 15” each so not huge but not tiny either. They realistically need another inch to look like I actually lift (end goal for arms is 17”) but if I can get my chest up to proportion it will take my physique to a whole other level.

Finances-2 month goal- Build back losses from covid hit to business

Sales going in this week will get me back to pre-covid levels in the bank account and cover my upcoming expenses. Things are going well here. Keep pushing.

Professional-2 month goal- Launch new business on Dec 1. Finish 2 certifications by end of Dec. Spend between 10-60 minutes each day on new business and get 1 important thing done in that time.

New business took a back seat last week to day job. Still got small things done each day to push myself closer to launching.

Relationship- Massive failed shit test Saturday night. Wife had a bottle of wine and some junk food and was laying down to go to sleep on the couch because she felt sick. I had eaten clean and hadn’t had a drink. I remember standing there looking at her with a low level of contempt. That was actually just a covert contract on my part as, yet again, she was engaging in behaviour that makes her sexually unavailable (I’m also just not attractive enough yet). Then the shit test comes out of nowhere, eyes closed and on the way to sleep- “Why haven’t you done this?” “Why haven’t you done that?” I didn’t remember even getting asked to do “this” or “that”. It was important though and I had previously told her I would take care of it. So instead of saying “I’ll take care of it” or any kind of A&A or AM I tried to play investigator and determine the exact cause and details. When was I asked and how? Was it email or by text? Obviously this didn’t go well. I knew at the time this wasn’t the way to go but then I doubled down anyway and complained like a bitch that all I do are things for her and don’t get anything in return (we all know what that means). She slept on the couch and I stormed off to bed cause that’s what real men do.

The anger and contempt I felt should have been directed at myself (she is a reflection of me) and I just didn’t want to deal with it cause I’ve been a bitch. I had let myself get to that point with the drinking and eating a few weeks back and now she’s still there and lagging behind (1000ft rope). Complete 180 on my part from Sunday morning though. I had gotten whatever shit it was out of my system and I woke with renewed vigour. I’m not going to let myself slide back to what I once was even though there will be hiccups and failures along the way.

I’m finally starting to understand game. I’m not good at it but at least starting to understand it. The push/pull and negging aspects of it especially. Building that tension rather than just going in at 100%. I have spent some time reading through old posts by /u/bogeyd6 and /u/Alpha_Engineer99 in the last week and it has really helped. MRP seemed to have a lot more field reports back then and that gives great context on the behaviours I’m trying to change.

Another thing is I’m saying NO with ease and no angst or anger. Wife repeatedly asks me to get her something from the supermarket. Normally I’d rationalise and say well I probably need a few things too so I’ll go. This time, “nah I’m good babe”. Cue the shit tests but I pay them no mind. This happened on three separate occasions on Sunday and Monday night. Guess what? After a few minutes of complaining the world kept on turning and life went back to normal.

Only initiated twice due to the wife being sick (coldsore) a few days and my work getting in the way a few other evenings. First time was met with the “It’s late and I’m getting up early for the gym”. I pushed and said “let’s have a quickie”, then told her we “could make it a race”. No dice. I was amused at least with my second comment. Second time was met with exasperation and “why are you asking me again” followed by “I’m in pain I’ve got a sprained ankle”. I came up with my jerk store reply too late for that one (something about her pussy not being sprained) so just let it slide and moved on.

Having said all that any touch aversion she had to me is now gone. I can slap/grab ass, hug, goose, touch her hair, arm around shoulders/neck, touch her face, etc whenever I want without reproach. That’s the first hurdle and it only took a few days of regular gaming and kino to get to. Daily kisses have been short (less than 2s) so that’s the next step to condition long kisses back into the relationship (not sure they were ever really there actually). I know full well I will get push back on that for sure but then that’s all part of the fun.

I was in a similar place to this late last year not long after I found MRP and I bitched out and let it slide. Not this time. I can feel that strength.

Game- Outside of the wife I have been talking to everyone I come across at the moment. Especially when I walk the dogs. Dude going for a run with his wife gets a "How are you guys this evening?" Even the punk kid with his young girlfriend get’s a "how you going?" from me at the moment. There’s plenty of opportunity to practice game around here. One girl at my local supermarket is always giving me IOI’s and on the weekend when I was walking the dogs I got IOIs on two separate occasions when I said hi to girls. Need to explore that further as it will be great experience.

Cont. in comments

TheActionNerd · 2020-11-18T00:22:31+00:00

OYS 43

30y, height: 186cm 82.7kg, wife 26 married 2 years, together 6 years. 0 kids.

Mission - Cut out the bullshit and bring more truth to the world.

Readings:

MMSLP, NMMNG, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, Preventive Medicine, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Art of Seduction, WISNIFG, Day Bang, Mastery, Mindful Attraction Plan, The Charisma Myth, Extreme Ownership, The Power of Habit, 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem, The Power of Now, Sex God Method, The Way of Men, Never Split the Difference

Currently reading: Can’t hurt me

Mental

I’m getting back into a better rhythm with being a responsible adult. Mostly this has been a function of completing my daily habits consistently. I’m back to listening to audio books and building a habit of listening to youtube videos (such as catching up on the OYS weeklies) which allows me to set aside time each night to get house chores done including cooking and cleaning. While I was fucking around, I had been neglecting the apartment and not living as if I’m single. I’m back to doing all the cooking and a majority of the cleaning. Before it may have been the covert contract of choreplay, which I lost motivation for but now, and probably motivated by Can’t hurt me, I am a disciplined man who doesn’t let his house become a mess.

Initiated twice before shark week. First time to a soft no. Second time I initiated she accepted and it came with all of the hallmarks of duty sex with words such as “I’m tired” and “make it a quicky”. Previously, this would have got me deep into my head and I have a history of performance issues causing me to prematurely ejaculate. It had also been a few days since my last pop. I’ve been taking cialis on the weekends as well and was fearful of building a reliance on them. This time I hadn’t popped a pill. I focused on immersion and tried to slow myself down ahead of it. I was able to perform well and didn’t feel pressured. Took my time despite her wishes for it to be over quick and got her into it as I fucked her well. I was still in my head a little bit but working on immersion as per SGM has helped a lot and I was pleased that I was able to enjoy myself.

I am starting to express my opinion more in normal conversations. In the past, I would fear that certain conversations and using certain tones would lead to shit tests. From that, I had been less expressive while trying to get a handle on STFU. I’m navigating conversations better now while also being mindful of the way I am presenting myself. I still have a tendency to trying to solve her problems and taking some discussions too seriously where I don’t pull her around and joke enough. I’m updating my goal for gaming/kinoing my wife to include praising my wife which I have historically been bad at. Specific praise as well, and not just compliments.

Finance

Tracking the monthly expenses and there’s been quite a few major expenses as I’m starting to plan major trips again. Will finally go on our honeymoon almost 2 years after the wedding. I’m treating my current savings as sunk costs while I try to educate myself on good financial hygiene. Although a normal adult task for most, I finally did my taxes for the first time in the UK which is still a milestone for me.

Physical

Consistent on working out and my diet last week. Did alternating days of bodyweight exercises at home (same routine as last lockdown) and ringfit exercises for at least 45 minutes each day. Back on IF without necessarily considering it a cut, doing 16/8 on weekdays and 15/9 on weekends. I’ve started tracking my rolling 7 day average for sleep and have updated the goal to get into bed by 1am and sleep a minimum rolling average of 7 hours. Not lofty goals by any means but something I am still just not getting done.

Goals

Averaging 6 hours and 37 minutes of sleep and got to bed before 1am: 4/7

Meditate for 20 minutes per day: 5/7

Game, kino or praise the wife: 7/7

Memories_Of_Ice · 2020-11-18T01:45:41+00:00

OYS #7

35 yr old, 6'0, 177, 18.5% BF. Married 3, together 8, 3 kids (1, 3, 11 step). I have gained 7 pounds in the last 3 months, and not all muscle. I am going to cut down to 13.5% BF before I bulk anymore. I still look good naked but I would look even better without the slight pudge on my belly. I was focused on getting bigger at all costs, now I'm realizing that it's not everything.

Read NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Pook, 16 C, Rational Male, MAP, Bigger Leaner Stronger. Reading TWOTSM but I'm not there yet, quite frankly. It's advanced and I'm not even an intermediate level for where I want to be.

First post since a 4 month break since I got (deservedly) rule 9'd by u/weakandsensitive. I took 2 weeks off for the ban and have made excuses every week since for why I haven't posted. My giant ego has a million rationalizations, I am working on killing it. That will be my final boss, I can already tell. Now it's time to get back on my horse. The ban and reading my old OYS posts made me realize my quality was low, and also that I was the world's biggest dancing monkey for sex. Time to kill the monkey.

Lifts, in pounds, 5x5. I know they're not great or even good, been lifting in my finally-arrived home gym for 6 weeks, 3x per week:

BP: 140, OHP: 70, Row: 125, Squat: 190, DL: 180 (weak wrists and slippery bar, ordered straps to help get it above my squat).

The good

I'll start with what I've had success with.

Career

I applied to a job at a competitor, in a similar role to mine that looked absolutely perfect for me. Prepared my ass off for hours for the interview, took a Xanax an hour before, and crushed it. Wasn't a question they asked that I wasn't prepared for. Got a 42% raise and getting closer to six figures per year. Very happy with taking initiative here. The new role has taught me to use valuable tools and programs that pretty much every company uses except for my old one, so I feel very well positioned for the future. Plus it's permanent WFH so I'm loving that. I don't feel stuck and spinning my wheels anymore, now I feel like the sky is the limit. This is one, maybe the only place so far, where I had an abundance mindset and it paid off for me. I could have stayed at my old job and gotten by, but I wanted more and looked at the world as having many career opportunities for me to grow in.

Vasectomy

Got that done a month ago, and I'm glad I did. My now-1 year old is still a total handful, getting up 3-5 times every night for her pacifier. It puts a huge strain on my life and health, enough to where I know it's cutting in to any gains i make in my lifts being up so often every night, but it will pass. Getting up with my daughter is a frame check that i often fail (wife makes some stupid comment that I stupidly respond to), I have a lot of work to do here in not getting rattled when it's the most stressful, or at the very least not showing it. The point I'm trying to make is I don't have the energy for another kid and I'm glad I took actions to prevent that. It's also been great to flex my (admittedly weak) frame, as my wife occasionally mentions how she wants another kid, and I bring her in to my frame that we should enjoy the 3 we have and help them grow. I've also used this to instill some dread by responding to her 'now you can cum in whatever 18 year old slut you want' comments with 'I'm not trading you in for two 20s until you're 40' and winking and pulling her in for a hug and kiss.

Testosterone

This has been great for me, my levels going from 191 at first, to 400 now. Still not great but compared to my old levels, which might be good for a 12 year old, I'm thrilled. I can't go on a higher dose since my hemoglobin is high now, so much so that I have to give blood every 4 weeks just to keep it on the borderline high range, but I'm sticking with it. My wife has been injecting me every week and does it because I asked her to and because she likes adding value to my life (at least somewhat, so far).

The bad

One thing about testosterone that hasn't been great is I am a total horndog now, I want sex all the time. Obviously this isn't happening or I wouldn't be posting here. Where I've fucked up MASSIVELY over the gap in my OYS posts is here. That pussy boy ready to come out when he gets turned down? That's been me. Probably five or six times, which gets me back to zero very quickly. I have since read SGM, and the quote below about ten times a day:

Don't force sex if she's not in the mood.

This is another one which can be difficult especially if your sex life has already started to go downhill, but it's absolutely critical if you want to have great sex in your relationship. This could possibly be the BIGGEST mistake that guys make in relationships. By persistently trying to force sex when she6s not in the mood, you are shooting yourself in the foot and killing her long-term sexual attraction to you. Remember: the more pressure there is for her to have sex with you, the less she will WANT to have sex with you. Any type of explicit pressure that you put on her to have sex with you is intensely damaging to her sexual desire for you, and should be avoided at all costs. This includes:

Acting pissed off or depressed because she won't have sex with you

Trying to have a serious talk about your sex life, or attempting to logically convince her to have sex with you

Trying for sex repeatedly after she's told you she's not in the mood

Directly or indirectly threatening to leave the relationship or otherwise withdraw from her unless he has sex with you"

I went through a month or so where the only sex I got was duty sex, and the BJs were shitty. I finally shut my fucking mouth last weekend and gamed her, after several nights of not being a bitch about not getting sex, and I had one of the best sessions I've ever had. Warmed her up with a body rub, fingered her, deeply fucked the shit out of her throat while grabbing her pony tail, wouldn't let her get off me when she wanted a break (which led to about 4 orgasms in a minute for her). DEVI really, really, really works. I have never heard dirty talk like that in my entire life, talk about how she likes choking on my dick, how she only wants me, how I own her pussy and her ass, etc. Still working on swallowing and anal but that will come back if I get more attractive without being unattractive, I've gotten each many times when we were dating. I had also been having some problems sustaining my erection, feeling a duty to perform since who knows when the next time I'll 'get' sex is (trying to reframe it as 'have' sex, don't want her to be the prize). But that all went away with DEVI, particularly being dominant even when she pushes back. Turns out it's just token resistance, probably nature's way of making sure I'm alpha enough.

Focus

It's been my experience that the 'be attractive' comes easier to me than 'not being unattractive'. I've had success with working out, with kino, with being positive, with leading. More on all of those in a later OYS, I've got notes saved from the last 4 months from when I was too scared to post. But being unattractive is very damaging and a sign of a weak frame, no abundance, no OI, not having a life outside my wife. Not STFU and digging a verbal hole is unattractive. My goal this week is simple: don't be unattractive. And to make sure i post next week.

finallysomeservice · 2020-11-18T02:12:49+00:00

OYS: 001

Age: 37, HT 6'0 WT: 177lbs married 14 years. one child 16 mo

new to this. have never really posted to Reddit before but have been quietly lurking for about a year now. I asked a question over in askmrp the other day and found some valuable insight. I was directed here and told I should contribute to OYS weekly. So whoever that was. thanks. here it goes.

READ: NMMNG, MMSLP, TWOTSM, TRM1,2,& 3, 48rop, TAOS, Bachelor Pad economics, Can't hurt me; WISNIFG, Never Split the difference, IN QUE - MAP, Sex god method

PHYSICAL - current routine: push/pull/legs/rest or cardio/push+quads/pull+hamstrings/rest or cardio. I have been lifting since before I was introduced to TRP. When I was first married I was 150lbs soaking wet. Over the years I have built up a solid base. Lifting is one of the few things that has kept me sane. I just need to stop doing it like a pussy and actually go heavier. Covid lockdowns have confined me to my weights in my basement. Hard to find the motivation to kill a workout in my own home for some reason. so the past few months they have been very mediocre. Goal 1: fucking kill a workout down there and stop lifting like a pussy.

DIET - again Covid gave me an excuse to say fuck all to my diet for some reason. I'm not fat by any means but I feel like a slug with the way I've been eating. Last two weeks been getting back into the habit of macro tracking. Goal 2: stay on point with macros

MENTAL - The realization that I've fucked up my marriage this bad over the last 13 years put me into a tailspin. I've let her captain the ship for too long and just trolled along for the ride. My lack of leadership has unknowingly contributed to her anxiety, stress and fears. I've fed into her need to control everything and I've suffered the consequences because of it. The constant sexual rejections have built up a storm of resentment in me that make it difficult to lover her. I know what we once had. I want it back. I've spent the last year reading all this shit but rarely have I put it into action. Goal 3: pass comfort tests, shit tests and figure out the difference of being tested or being disrespected.

SEXUAL - I need to get myself into an abundance mentality which I am struggling hard with. at the moment it seems the juice isn't worth the squeeze... I can't get over the scoreboard mentality that I have. I resent the fact that I need to put in an absurd amount of work just for the privilege of mediocre infrequent sex.

She was brought up very religious. I'm the only man she's ever fucked. I'm the only man she's ever even kissed. To her sex is dirty. If I touch her honeypot, I can't touch any other part of her body afterwards because my hand is dirty. . she is often more worried about the couch cushions or the bedsheets getting soiled then getting off. Hoping reading through TSGM will help me here. Goal 4: stop settling for bad sex; get her so entrenched in the moment that she doesn't fucking care about the god damn sheets. change my thought process from that of earning sex to that of being desired for sex

ONWARD - My current life is under a microscope. I'm watched and criticized with everything I do. I need to understand why this has happened; and I think I am beginning to. STFU; this week. Just STFU. Try to get a grasp on her need to control everything and why that is. Keep my attitude in check on shit tests. too often I blow up or victim puke as she seems to know the perfect buttons to push to illicit an emotional response. I need to learn to flip these and show her I'm no longer as easily manipulated. Remind myself to be attractive in everything I do.

TakeHimRoundBack · 2020-11-18T21:15:51+00:00

Priorities:

• Focus on self - Physically focus on myself - Mentally move my attention towards myself for 30 min practice, 5-10 min break

• Work - Money

• Increase my value - Held my frame in my interactions - Self-care

Focus on self

I watched a few videos on Ayn Rand and objectivism. I'm a hard case career beta with some game. This week I've slowly moved my mental focus from 100s of distractions a day to myself. It comes with it's own challenges, as well as it's perks. Women are turning their heads. I'm magnetic, so long as I'm focusing. It didn't take me long to realise I need a moratorium from women and I should ignore this for now.

Codependency really is a social repellant. It's also a narc attractor so be warned, read the sidebar to protect yourself and your frame. I've been an addict since I was 8 years old, and a codependent since my teens. I find my mind constantly attempting to focus on externals, real or imagined, in order to gain validation to feed and reinforce my false ego. Instead, I have been choosing to focus on and be my real self. Yeah, it comes with negative emotions. Pain. Guilt. It even started setting off my CPTSD. What I did:

I used methods to overcome the panic attacks and CPTSD flashbacks. There's still more work to do, and I'm intimidated. My single light in the dark to carrying on despite the painful nature of the work has been learning to physically hold my frame. Holding frame is a physical act. It holds pressure, emotion, reality, assertiveness, responsibility. With that I can move forward.

If anyone else is getting the same block to focusing on yourself, call a helpline if it gets too much, and get through it. Once you do it will be easier and easier next time.

"Be with the disease, that is the way to be rid of it."

Work

I have never had my finances in order. I'm 28 in a month. I'm applying for sales positions and thinking about building a business once my lifes together. I want to make a full time wage. I have PTSD around exerting. Due to exercise addiction in my teens, I was hospitalised and suffered from chronic damage and further trauma from the bad treatment I received during my recovery. I was surrounded by narcessists who I believed to be normal people. Working is mostly about breaking through the PTSD.

I haven't read a book on PTSD yet for the same reason I avoid exerting myself past a certain point. To avoid triggering the flashbacks. But I have watched some Richard Grannon enough to use my own expertise in healing to work on some solutions. Last time I pushed myself I had a severe panic attack. It's not dangerous, but it is very physically painful. I rode it out but I'm shitting myself for the next one. So I'm taking things gradually. My theory is gradual effort, gradual flashbacks, gradual progress. I'm reading the Gospel of John and Fear My Friend by Geoff Thompson because I believe my enemy is fear.

Increase my value

My life structure is much better. Following a break up from an abusive relationship about two weeks ago I hadn't been eating. I'm eating more and I'm cleaning up the place. I'm going on walks during this UK lockdown for more than just meeting women. I'm doing it to feel better and for me. I'm not giving women free attention. I'm focusing on myself intensely, and walking around. Really though, it's to secure my supply of validation by hooking more women. I mean, they're really checking me out, and I'm a needy, needy boy. That's got to change. So, still just a first step. The next step is to get those lifts going. Doing the self-care and focusing on my purpose of increasing my value is working.

Lifts

I've started with 10-20 mins of boxing. I'm going to add lifts to that. I have a basic home gym. I'm going to hit the bag every day and hit the lifts 3x a week, taking a pic of progress each day in the mirror. Gym opens again in 2 weeks. I intend to spend those 2 weeks in total isolation from other people besides walks and casual hellos.

Today. Box. Lift. Stretch. (Record lifts)
Calisthenics, full body, yoga.
Lift heavy. (Record lifts)

"Chase excellence, not women".

My only real interaction that could be potentially validating is this OYS weekly.

Actions last week ✓

Walks x10 Approaches x4 Cleaned kitchen up X1 Personal admin x7 Housework x7 Boxing workout X1 Cutting out toxic people x4 Befriending well intentioned people X1 Cut out the porn x3 Video games and Netflix x7

Ok, before you give me shit. Hold up. Yes, I play video games for about an hour or two a day. Why is it under action? Playing games for myself is a huge part of my growth and recovery. It's a distraction and escape. It's good social practice in communicating with frame rather than overextending myself as codependents can do. It's also a buffer. So I gotta go on a daytime gaming and T.V moratorium when I'm ready. I plan to replace this with meetup zoom calls and move gaming to leisure, and reduce my T.V to evening only after 8, and work from home during the day. Gaming and Netflix is an escape for me. I plan on making it a rare thing, once I do better things with my time I won't see the point. Hopefully gym becomes my escape. Can't be facing the fire all the time.

This was my first OYS post. Can I get some feedback on the format? Any questions or challenges welcome. If I've broken any rules by accident, apologies in advanced.

good_looking_man · 2020-11-17T14:07:06+00:00

OYS # 8 - The Anal Failure

Me: 47 yrs. Wife: 47 yrs. Married 21 Years. 2 teenage daughters.

Weight: 201 lbs
Height: 5’11
BP: 205 LBS x 8 reps
Squat: 265 LBS x 8 reps
OHP: 120 LBS x 8 reps
DL: 285 LBS x 8 reps
Bent-Over Row: 160 lbs x 8 reps
Walk 3 miles per day 2-3 days per week.

Sidebar: Almost everything. Recently, Reread Athol Kay’s The Mindful Attraction Plan. Now reading the Mystery Method.

Mission:

To create and innovate. I feel like a kid again when I’m in the zone and creating something really cool. You know that scene in Iron Man when Tony Stark is in his basement designing and building his suite? That’s how I used to feel all the time when I was developing cool shit. I lost that over the past 5 years, and I want it back. I’m getting it back! I want to stay hungry and continue learning the latest and greatest technologies in my field.

Main Goals:

Continue creating a successful product that will continue catapulting our business; eventually increasing the value of my shares in the business.
Become Proficient Level in Squat, Deadlift, OHP, Bench and Bent-Over Row while maintaining symmetry between lifts. After achieving Proficient Level, I continue aiming to achieve Advanced Level.
Become proficient at gaming women and feeling comfortable in all other social situations.
Eliminate procrastination and improve my organization skills for all areas of my life (for work and home).

Lifts:

Staying at existing weight for a couple of weeks until the lifts feel a little bit easier. Following this strategy seems to reduce the chances of injuring to my middle aged body as I’ve done in the past. Squat and Deadlifts still feel heavy as shit.

Latest:

Got over a brief anger phase last week. threekindsoflucky said this would happen. However in the past few days I really feel like I’m in a good spot in life. I feel lucky to be in the situation I’m in. I feel lucky that I have so much potential. I’m excited to see how far I can go. For now I just need to stop worrying about shit, and giving myself a hard time.

Finished reading The Mindful Attraction Plan and completed my map. Everyday I need to wake up with the concept in mind that each day is a day I can do at least 1 or 2 things to reach my overall potential.

I now work off of a realistic daily to-do list for my job and Homelife.

My first fitness goal is to reach Proficient Level for all my lifts within the next 2 months. I think this is very achievable because I’m already close in a couple.

Now reading The Mystery Method. I want to learn game and start practicing it through catch and release. I’m only in the first few chapters of the book, but I’m having a little hard time connecting to the material. Hopefully this changes as I read further. I started talking to everyone I come into contact with no matter who it is.

The Relationship:

As I said in the latest, I got really angry last week thinking about the actions of my wife. It got to the point where my thoughts were cycling and I was going no where. I got tired of this, because I was getting absolutely no benefit from it and it kept spiraling down and getting worse.

It even got to the point I was reading her messages to her friends over the past 12 months. Although these actions scream of a man who is in his wife’s frame, I was able to find out what was going on in her head over the past 12 months.

Before March 2020, all texts were about how shitty I was. How I became complacent in my life, got chubby, got grumpy and got boring.

As the months passed after March 2020 (when I started reading the sidebar and lifting), the texts changed to noticing and questioning the changes I made. Then eventually the texts changed to praising me and telling her friends I’m now the perfect sexy husband, but worried that I might be cheating at the same time.

I made the mistake of becoming complacent with my life. I did get chubby and grumpy and boring. I need to own this. I changed that over the past 8 months, and my wife responded positively to it.

At some point in time, I need to let her know that I know. I also need to tell her that if anything remotely like this happens again, then I will leave her without discussion or hesitation. I believe this time will come very soon.

In the meantime, I’m keeping my eye on the prize. I have so much potential, and I’d be a fool to continuously focus on the bad in my life and not focus on the good and continue to make improvements. I picture what my life can be in a year, and it makes me very excited

The Anal Failure

On Saturday night the kids were gone, so we were having hot passionate drunken sex with my wife. A few years ago my wife got a little peanut vibrator as a gag gift from her friend’s bachelorette party. It was never opened, so I took this out before our encounter started and had it ready to use it on her.

I started rubbing it up against her clit as my wife was riding me, and her reaction was pure ecstasy. I then shoved it up her ass and the moaning got even more intense as she cowgirl’ed the shit out of me.

That’s when my wife said to me “wanna try something adventurous???”

My wife put K-Y jelly on my penis and I got her on all fours. I attempted to put it in, but it was way too tight. I pushed in harder and further, but she started screaming and told me I was too big.

My wife said she’d be willing to try again, but thinks realistically I’m too big for anal. I’m only 7.5 inches long. I've seen guys in porn bigger than me give it to some chick.

Anyway, yesterday I started reading some of the content written by our in-house expert of anal red-sfpplus. I used to think this guy was full of shit, but I’m learning to appreciate his expertise. He sure knows his stuff about anal.

I think I have to work her ass in more before giving her the full monte.

Yesterday I ordered a dildo that’s between the size of the peanut and my 7.5 inch penis to help work her in. My neighbor has been getting my packages by mistake lately and even opened one up, so he better keep his hands off this one!

I will continue searching for material from master red-sfplus; for this man knows the way.

Alf248365 · 2020-11-17T10:16:18+00:00

OYS #2

Background

Age 47; married 24 years; 7 kids (ages 6 – 20)

Read: MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG (70%), numerous MRP posts

Physical: 5’10”; 149 lbs (down from 155 lbs); just starting with StrongLifts 5x5 (thanks u/stay_plan_is_go_plan) only once/week currently due to a number of factors, including local lockdown/gums closed, trying to find a way to increase the frequency. Also cycling twice a week + stomach crunches (3x25)

First looked at MRP probably more than a year ago and have slowly doing more – first trying to be more assertive, then starting the Sidebar, now starting lifting, so not sure exactly how long I have been “working RP”

Mission

For now borrowing another member’s: “To be a man I respect”

This week’s goals

· StrongLifts session (already arranged)

· Finish WISNIFG

· Ensure that most of my work day is spent working (not on other online activities)

· Think about what goals I want!!

General

Having only posted 1 OYS a few months back (and having been banned), I just this week realised that OYS is supposed to be about the things that I can control, not about what is going on in my life.

Part of that has to be me working out where I want to be headed so that I can decide on appropriate goals to get me there. If I am honest, much of what I want, at present, is still dependent on other people (eg wanting my wife’s attention).

My biggest challenge is knowing where the line is between being BP and going Rambo. My parents’ marriage was dysfunctional, so no useful experience there, and when my wife is upset with me (regular complaints being that I am cold, secretive and don’t communicate) is that a sign that I am doing it right or doing it wrong?

Frame

Working hard to be my own person. Speaking up more with friends and colleagues, even if I think my view will be unpopular. Similarly with my wife, not agreeing just to avoid conflict/get sex. Trying to remember to respond with “Yes dear” when she tells me to do something that I was about to do, or already know. Asking her to do small things for me

Relationship

Thought we had made good progress when I started being more assertive, a few months back, but we are back to fighting at least once a week (normally initiated by her) and sex is back to no more than twice a week (which she previously committed to). Recent initiations in between were unsuccessful.

Regular initiation/flirting doesn’t feel possible at times when we are barely speaking.

I have probably done some damage by speaking too much about being charge and probably also refused to talk too often (when she wanted to know how I am working on myself/my role as husband)!! I think I understand now that not talking about what I am working on (ie MRP) means giving some plausible explanation, without going into all the detail, rather than simply refusing to talk about it. Need to think about how I can word this to her

Work

I have been more productive at work the last month or two – wasting less time online. I feel much better at the end of the work day

Home

Trying to spot the things that need doing (filling holes in walls, loose drainpipe) and fixing them, as well the tasks that I have always done, eg the tax returns.

_Northern_Yeti · 2020-11-17T11:50:35+00:00

Oys 2

Stats:

Mid-30s, 6ft, 101kg. Married 7, 2 year old kid. Read the sidebar pre-requisites.

Lifts (kg) - Bench 80 x 8, Squat 100 x 8, Deadlift 127.5 x 6

Physical

I lost momentum when the gyms closed again. I also realised I have been using it as an excuse to get the fuck away from my wife, avoiding any conflict or doing chores and things I could not DEER out of. This has been an exercise in honing in what I actually want for myself. Do I want to be in good shape for myself, or to impress my wife? My ego bullshitting me says the former, my stupid cunt brain says the latter.

I know for sure I have this lazy as fuck brain that likes to mentally masturbate instead of act. I am a lazy person that is not congruent with being lazy, there are infinite more things I am capable of. This creates crazy cognitive dissonance and unhappiness.

What can I do about this? Embrace being busy, earn my rest and sleep, do not DEER and burn excess energy to do the activities I want to do. I am back on track after the sucker punch of the gym closing without serious backwards progress.

Back on intermittent fasting as it helps me with adherence. Kettlebell, pull ups and running in lieu of the gym.

Marriage

I have been reintroducing emotion back into my relationship instead of just being a monk who does not respond to changes in the weather. I have been sensitive to this type of energy, since I recently got over being angry as fuck to her all of the time. There are times when I have to let her know I’m not dealing with this shit. I have communicated nicely in the past with her when I want to establish something.

Nothing happens until I keep escalating and she listens or I leave. There must be a better way than this. Example: She talked to me like I was trash at the weekend for the usual arbitrary reasons. I tried every trick in the book, STFU, fogging, looking right at her and broken record, before it escalated to me telling her to stop acting up and walking away. After that, she asked if I could do some furniture for her. “You aren’t getting fuck all from me after the way you talked to me.”

Of course there are better ways to deal with this, like using praise and complimenting things I want to see in the relationship, but I own my responses - she was acting like a cunt so I treated her like one. Re-reading this back, there is probably still some Rambo in me, but it feels 20% of the intensity it was. And the pendulum has to swing between STFU autist and Rambo for me to find the right balance of emotions.

I am now way less conflict avoiding. I say what I want and assert myself. This is great progress for me. The congruence is not always there, but I feel fucking great absent of the urge to DEER or blow up.

I am a great dad, and proud of it. However, I have to overcompensate due to my wife being a useless parent. This is my biggest struggle - the concern that my child is not being raised well and just shoved in front of a TV and shouted at for things a 2 year old is incapable of. It severely limits me being able to go off and do my own thing. I should have probably screened better for a mother to my children, but here I am. I have my vision of a happy, healthy family but need her to eventually grab the meme rope before this will happen.

Game - basically non-existant. Daily shit tests, comfort tests and overall lack of happiness. I cannot game a woman who can't move into basic happiness with me.

I am 100% in her frame. Conversations are purely logistical, no emotion. I try to bump things up a bit, but it is exhausting. The more confident and attractive I feel, the more impact I will have. Though I cannot let that be an excuse to wait until I am shredded with women chasing me.

Actionable items in all of this? Keep focusing on general upwards progression. Keep self expressing regardless of the response. Focus on myself.

UsuallyUseMy_Name · 2020-11-17T14:08:53+00:00

OYS #7

31, 6’2” 190.6 lbs Married 5, together 11, no kids. Squat 220x5 DL 240x5 Bench 110x5 OHP 85x5

Read: NMMNG (x2), MMSLP, MAP, Pook, Sidebar, WISNIFG, MAP

Reading: WISNIFG, Bang, Unchained Man

I was banned for 14 days for my last OYS. I said ’she' 13 times in a relatively short post. My initial reaction was to be butt hurt. I was all worried about randos on the internet not liking me. Fuck that. Rule 9. I forgot is way OYS, not bitch about your wife. My bad.

Physical:
Overall this is going well. I’m putting on weight. It’s up and down but with an upward trend. I missed a lift last week out of town. Back to normal this week. I’m doing 5x5, and my hips and knees feel tight. Much tighter than 2-3 months ago. Things like going on a hike cause stiffness and pain that it wouldn’t have in the past - during the activity, not after. Lost a lot of mobility. I’ve started making it a point to do some work with the lacrosse ball grinding the sore spots. I’ll see if this makes a difference.

The knee pain in particular is new. I’m going ass to grass for the squats and just above my knees is painful 90% of the time just walking around. I have a pinched nerve in my shoulder and I just do some stretches or PT and wait for it to go away. Just wondering if any of you all have had similar knee stuff, if you did anything, or if I just need to not be a pussy and ignore it? I’m starting with the last one.

I’ve decided to keep gaining as much as I can through march and then try out a cut to see how lean I can get for the summer. Sounds fun.

Mental:
I started reading ‘Unchained Man’ this week, and I’m realizing how much I was really clinging to the idea that I ’should’ be married. I would read a bunch of you all on here talking about the stay and go plan being the same, and about putting the mission first. I thought I understood, but I didn’t. WISNIFG has some of the same message, but for some reason it was much more clear for me reading 'Unchained Man.’ I finally understand that I may end up divorced because that is what has to happen for me to fulfill my mission. My wife may or may not get on board, and I may or may not want her on board as I keep moving toward my goals. My life is about me following my mission. Everything else is window-dressing.

I’ve been really passive this week in general. Being without a real income (nothing more than odd jobs) I’ve let myself get lax about hygiene, dress, and have spent much more time worrying abut finances. I know I can pay my mortgage the next few months, but I still find myself getting tense over spending a few dollars on stuff I need. I communicate this lack mentality in a lot of beta and weak ways I don’t like. I’m not making decisions and following through. I’m putting off decisions and action. I didn’t like it in my father and I don’t like myself.

I realized as well this week when my wife is upset I really take it seriously. I actively assume she is expressing an emotion similar to they way I would. Fuck, that is dumb. Even if it were the case, I’m the most important person to me, and I don’t want to live my life based on someone else’s fe-fes. On top of that I’m logically aware I’d get a better outcome to ignore the bad behavior. I just need to move past STUF and start to disengage and leave situations I don’t want to be in. I have started using some fogging with mixed results. Mixed because of my ham-fisted, Rambo implementation. Obviously the technique works if I’m not being autistic.

Financial:
I’ve decided what kind of job I’m going to get. It is in a field tangentially related to what I was doing before and that I have some experience in. I’m studying a lot, because while I know how to do a portion of the job, I’m absolutely not familiar with the way people in the industry communicate. I’ve been turned down for a few jobs so far, but I’m planning on updating the resume now that I know a little more of what they are expecting and I’ll apply again.
I’ve started a business I’ve wanted to start years, and I’m still working on what I can but having a few extra bucks to throw at it would really heal kickstart some things. I’m continuing what I can and I’ll set a budget for investment when I get a regular gig.

Social:
I’m still lacking in this area. I’m introverted in general and would prefer to be alone most of the time. I’m outgoing when I need to be, but it isn’t my first choice. I’ve committed to myself to take up a hobby in a group setting as soon as I get my 2nd paycheck from a new job. Either archery, BJJ, or some other sport I’ve played before. It’ll be the first thing I’ve done on my own without an established friend or my wife in years. The business I started is with a close friend, so that’s at least some new interaction with someone I didn’t see regularly or without my wife before.

Spiritual:
Every week I feel like layers and layers of shit I’ve believed is peeled back and exposed and some dumb idea I got from someone else when I was a kid. I’ve always been deeply spiritual (though I hate to say it that way, sounds like eat, pray, love). Meditation has always been a part of my life. I have a foundation of faith I was proud of. Still, I’m starting to realize how small that foundation really is. Things I once believed with conviction are being let go or at least questioned. I’m actually having fun with this. I’m discovering what is True or getting closer to it for the first time in my life. I actually feel alive. The world feels like it’s full of possibility again. I just need to be out there making those possibilities reality.

Goals:

Find a job to work to pay bills while I build new business.
Begin to decide on my mission
Stop taking my wife’s fe-fes seriously
Shower

SpareTireBob · 2020-11-17T14:31:21+00:00

OYS #16 – 11-17-20

Stats – 37yo; HT 5’-10”; WT 190 lbs; BF% 14.7% (navy method)

Lifts – DL=350x1, BS=300x1, BP 205x1, OHP=135x1

Relationship - married 11, together 14; 4 kids under age 10

Read – NMMNG, The Rationale Male Year 1, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Predatory Female

Currently Reading - The Daily Stoic, Tactical Guide to Women (70%)

Mindset I’ve been initiating sex a lot over the past few weeks. Some of the rejections still sting, but for the most part the increase of initiating regardless of circumstances has given me a bit of NGAF. Sex and willingness have dried up some - I might be hitting under the Mendoza line. On Saturday, while being rejected because reasons:

“I’m scared of you and your strength and am afraid that one time you’re not going to listen to me and do what you want anyways and that I won’t be able to do anything about it.”

Shit test. I need to show my strength more and let her figure out how she feels about it. So I did that over the next few days. Words vs Actions, again, without fail. Don’t get me wrong, this is small progress and I feel like I fail as much as I succeed, but my mentality has changed significantly. The failures of the last few weeks in the face of numerous shit tests and general shitty behavior have helped me grow. In just about every other part of my life I’ve accepted failure as a lesson to learn from. Now, finally, I’m starting to see failures with my wife are also chances to grow and learn from.

What I did good

Social Life I texted a college buddy to ask if he wanted to go hang out one night after work. We haven’t done something ourselves (without families) in years, and was honestly surprised that he was open a few nights later. I texted my wife letting her know I’d be gone that night and that I didn’t have specifics nailed down. We went out to bar, had a few beers, and had a great time talking about everything. It was a late night and when I got home I was grilled about specifics. I didn’t know it at the time, but the bartender was someone my wife somewhat knew. So when I mentioned the bar we were at, she snapped back “Oh, was (bartender) working, she’s good looking, but she’s kind of a ditz”. I responded with “Yeah, I think she was working us for a good tip”. So on top of getting out away from home, the HB8 bartender with her tits hanging out made for great passive dread.

Networking/Career/Education I mentioned last week about applying for an online program for a BS in my field. As part of the application process I need to provide 3 references. My first thought was that it was going to be a challenge and would be a hurdle for moving forward. I stopped that thought and promptly sent out 3 emails to past supervisors gauging their interest in being a reference. So far only one has responded, however, I have a few others in mind to pursue to the 3 needed. I’m still not completely sure if I’m going to proceed with this degree, but it’s forcing me to work on my network and reconnect with valuable people from my past work experiences.

Relationship I’ve been thinking a lot about frame and shit tests. I don’t yet fully understand both concepts, but I feel like they’re getting clearer. As I’ve increased initiations over the last few weeks, shit tests, rejections, and verbal intercourse has increased. “Why can’t we just talk” or some form has been said a lot more recently. A couple times I decided to hear her out with what she had to say. After listening to her, I made a point to reiterate that I respect her, I hear her, and that I love what she brings to my life because I do. What’s good about this? I can listen and give comfort because I want to - not because I feel like I need to or am supposed to. I gave my wife the gift of my attention because it’s my gift to give. No strings attached, no covert contracts.

What I need to work on

Expectations an issue that’s been popping up recently (maybe once every few weeks) is that after an evening at home that did not go as expected, I go to bed at my normal time, tired, yet can’t sleep. This has never before been a problem for me. I lay there, heart rate increases and I feel myself stressing out about how things didn’t go the way I expected, or how my wife didn’t respond favorably to my interactions with her. I’ve tried a bunch of things to calm down to the point where sleep can happen. I’m in my head, I’m in my wife’s head and inside I’m freaking out about things I can’t control. I’m not normally like this, so part of the problem is I don’t know how to control it. Outside of these few nights a month, I’ve made incredible progress in NGAF and OI. More work needs to be done here to find what’s triggering this feeling and how to handle it. For now, I chalk it up as a night where I don’t get much sleep and just deal with the consequences the next day.

Mental Models I’ve learned so much over the past 4 months. I feel like all this information is right on the edge of me grasping it. It’s time I start developing my own thoughts and applying them to my life based on what I know works. Thankfully, I’m about to get a lot of “thinking” time alone in nature over the next month and a half. In the past I’ve used this time to review the year and to prepare myself for the next year. This year is no different – I’m excited to continue the work and apply it to my life.

fireBadMeGood · 2020-11-17T14:53:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Matt11298 · 2020-11-17T16:57:36+00:00

OYS#3 Stats: 45, 5'11", 175, 15% (skin calipers) Lifts: Bench 155x6, Squat 195x5, Deadlift 245x5 Relationship: Married 12 years, two kids 8&9

Goals for this week till next OYS: - Complete NMMNG BFEs from "get the sex you want" chapter - Finish third straight month of Greyskull LP - Reconnect with one old friend

Reading: Listening to Never Split the Difference after seeing it mentioned in the mrp forums. Already finding it helpful in daily conversations.

STFU: Trying hard to not spit a bunch of shit out of my mouth when I'm frustrated with my wife's behavior. Have to keep reminding myself how I let the 1000' rope out, and how I learn to deal with my wife's shit now is making me better for my next relationship.

Relationship: Last week I put out there that I am being a pussy and scared of rejection when it comes to discussing our sexless marriage. Still being a pussy there. Yeah, I hear the "don't talk" just flirt, escalate, and initiate. That hasn't worked, I'm sure it will, but I'm going to go NMMNG BFE route for this one. My covert contract issues are strong, so I need to be open about our issues before just initiating and banging my head against a wall. My goal is to work that this upcoming weekend. This past weekend I brought up our finances. Shared the positives, and once I brought up the thousands of $$$ that are spent on random shit, she blew up. Immediately it was about our neighborhood lifestyle requires it, she doesn't get what she wants and always has to sacrifice, doesn't have this, doesn't have that, a big victim puke, it had it all: the defensiveness, crying, anger. I kept my cool outside, but was pissed on the inside. I did expect this, but have trouble accepting it. She ended up just shutting down and pouting. But I reinforced my boundary again, we will not go into debt (we finally paid off thousands of debt a few months ago). So after that, I wasn't in the space for any sexless marriage shit.

Social: My current only item is my Bible study. Still with that, but tough with COVID.

Health/Fitness: Finishing up Greyskull this week, then moving to GZCLP first week in Dec and run that for three months.

Career: on Dec 1st I'll find out if I'm part of a workforce reduction. But not waiting, had a good screening interview with another company, and am working a few other connections. Either way, I want to switch industries, have already been workinf that for a few months, but being part of a reduction with some severance would be best. But keeping a job while looking for another works too. This week catching up with an old friend I used to work with, and is in the job I want to better understand comp.

Number_Thirty_Four · 2020-11-17T19:50:15+00:00

I've revised this to make it more concise, and posted it as a comment on the Part 1 post.

Thanks u/threekindsoflucky and u/JCX_Pulse for the feedback.

~~OYS#1 (part 2)~~

~~Marriage:~~ ~~I love my wife, and I even like her. We’ve been through some real shit together. I recently had an epiphany about my marriage.~~

~~To summarize:~~

~~*****~~

The old version of myself was afraid of… I don’t know, life, the world, reality… I don’t know how else to say it. I mitigated this fear by avoiding the responsibility of taking control of my own life. Rather than making my own decisions and accepting the consequences, I have always hidden behind the approval of others. As long as I was “approved of”, I didn't have to take responsibility. When bad things would happen, I could be a victim of some sort, because clearly I hadn’t done anything wrong as evidenced by the “approval”.

My wife has the same sort of fear, but instead of mitigating it by relinquishing control/responsibility and seeking approval like I do, she mitigates it by grasping at control of everything within reach, to better avert whatever it is that scares her.

For the first 13 years of our relationship my wife and I have been co conspirators in a subconscious plot to avoid confrontation with real life: She relieves me of the mascuine duty to take responsibility and live my life on my own terms. In exchange, I relieve her of the feminine duty to accept her limitations, embrace her dependence upon the masculine, and submit to that which is beyond her control. I get a reliable source of easy approval, and a free pass not to live my own life. She gets to be in control of me and my resources, and essentially gets to wield masculine autonomy. I get to be a pussy. She gets to be a bitch. And we agree not to call each other out.

~~*****~~

~~This epiphany brought everything into sharp focus like never before.~~

Post-hospitalization, I’ve overcome the need for approval and I think I’ve been in a long denial and anger phase for most of that time. I’ve been angry at feeling as though I’m constantly faced with attempts to control me. I have felt disrespected and unappreciated. I have recognized and been angry about her lack of attraction. Having come to understand my own value and autonomy, I've developed a healthy sense of self-respect which has been incompatible with how I seem to be regarded in my marriage. I have felt completely taken for granted, and because of that I have said some seriously cold shit to her, which has devastated her emotionally. And I haven’t really even felt guilty about it. I don’t feel great seeing her suffer. But it has just felt necessary, like cutting out an infection or something.

For a long time, I didn't understand what was happening or why I was doing that, but I see now what was going on. I was no longer participating in our unspoken agreement, our conspiracy. I no longer needed her approval, and instead began to resent it. And since I didn’t need or want her approval anymore, then what exactly was I doing here? What was I getting in exchange for the sacrifice of my own autonomy and resources? I began to feel that I was doing all of the giving, and getting very little in return. And I found this tolerable ~~only~~ when I felt the appropriate respect and deference was there. Obviously, that respect and deference was seldom present because it had never been part of the original deal. After some short build-up, I’d essentially question ~~“What I’m I even doing here?”~~ ~~angrily and out loud to her, which would (understandably) devastate her. I was lacking a well-formed sense of mission, and full of ego.~~

Ever since my own mental health has been improving, hers has been worsening. I was originally confused by this too, but now understand why. I changed the rules on her without explanation - and without even understanding it myself, and this is obviously destabilizing. I was right to cut out the infection, but because I was so angry, my bedside manner sucked.

Now that I see clearly what has been happening, I’m not angry anymore, and I hope I’m done being angry about this for good. I can see clearly that her lack of respect is mostly unintentional, rooted in fear, and is little more than a destructive habit that I cultivated in her for 13 years. This realization makes me feel compassionate rather than angry.

Now that I can see clearly what has been happening, I know “what I’m doing here”. I’m here to work on my mission - part of which is to create a space where my family, including my wife, has the opportunity to thrive. I know that she won’t grow and thrive until she learns to embrace her feminine limitations, relinquish control, and trust me. I hope, going forward, to lead her there gently over time, without causing further emotional trauma. She’s a good woman who loves me, who means well, who has been extremely loyal while I’ve been shitty, and who really seems to be trying to figure things out. I think she’ll get there, and I want her to get there.

Goals:Provide comfort, structure, and stability while she works through her current low spot. Stay mindful and ready to respond to any new instances of disrespect in a manner that is free of ego-protection, and which supports my mission. Also, start figuring out what that even looks like.

TheDatsyukian · 2020-11-18T05:36:24+00:00

OYS 3

Mid 20s, 6' 205lbs, BF15%, Single.

u/AlohaMaui808

Not much to report for this week. Busy week at work with more hours and a temporary swap to nights. Will recover this weekend so I am back on my feet soon, but will try to get out if I can.

Background

Just went through a pretty painful breakup and had read NMMNG during the final stages of that relationship.

Stumbled into this sub and this OYS shit is what I need in my life. I'm pretty fed up with being a beta fag.

If I am being a gay retard just tell me how/why I'm a fag.

Lifts

DL 315, BP 225, SQ 245, SP 135

I do mostly bodybuilding style workouts so I'll start lowering volume on these key lifts. 4 weeks back on the saddle and I'm starting to get attention with my physique again which definitely helps.

Cardio

Running 4 times a week for 15 miles total for last 3 weeks. Mostly interval training to increase Vo2 max.

Doing good on my runs.

Nutrition

I have been doing well on the dieting this week. Brought the weight back down to ~202 from ~205 after a few weekends of partying. I don't really need to slim up beyond 190 as I'm more bulking up right now.

Goals

DL 300, DL 335, BP 225, BP 245, SQ 275, SP 185

No porn (3 weeks no porn going strong)

Ace my upcoming work evaluation

3 Rejections a week (This is a hard zero for this week I have just been busy working but I still have this weekend)

Plan day/record gratitude and whys every morning

Reading

Models by Mark Manson because it's an audiobook I own.

Working through rest of sidebar prereqs once I have a minute to read paper.

Finished

TTGTW, WISNIFG, NMMNGx4, Dating Essentials For Men, Leadership Strategy and Tactics, Make Your Bed, Mystery Method, Other self help stuff.

Productivity

I've been needing to fold my goddamn laundry again. Now that this shit is on here I am doing it.

Other than that I think I'm doing great. My house is clean and my shoes and shiny and shit like that. I'm sure I'll always be a little behind in this category, but as long as it's one little thing when no chicks are over I am cool with it. That being said, I got this one and will focus on this area this week a little. Something something jordan peterson.

Work

I'm in the Military stationed overseas.

As previously mentioned, work is real busy right now and my schedule is all over the place at least until further notice. It shouldn't last too much longer and the tempo is supposed to normalize next week.

I've been killing work this week though and have stayed more self motivated than usual.

Finances

I have about 15k of card debt.

I have been budgeting using an app to track my shit for about two months now. It is working wonders.

Social

Social life is just workplace relationships right now. I think I am earning more respect from peers slowly over time, and being more comfortable in my own skin. I am trying to be less agreeable and I have taken more dominant stances on shit lately. I took the lead on a task that game down the pipeline and that felt solid. Just had a moment where I was the lead guy and was able call some shots. Nothing major, but just feels good to step up and act confident.

Girls

Nothing to report really. Flirting with girls on Tinder and quickly moving on when they're uninterested. I have two that are hitting me up unprovoked so I am gonna do something about that once I'm not tired as fuck. Look for this weekend on the next OYS because I'm in an approaching mood.

Internal

I have had bouts of anger/scarcity mindset about the ex lately. I channel the anger bigtime at the gym. I destroyed a back day today because I couldn't get her off my mind. I saw her on Tinder and I suppose you can say I got a little triggered earlier this week and it's tough to shake again. I know it'll go away with time but I am trying to spot it and solve that shit.

When it isn't turning into anger, then it's usually involves some form of toxic shame. I don't always catch it right away but when I do I get it that shit under control and press on. I won't act like I have it all figured out but I think I'm on the right track there. I've been trying breathing, working out, assuring myself which feels pretty gay, and trying to think about all the reasons we didn't work out. It's motivating at least.

TLDR: Short week from late post last week and lots of work this week. Hoping to have more on the next one.

Thanks guys.

lionsarebigkittens · 2020-11-19T09:50:09+00:00

OYS #6:

Stats: 35y, 5'8", ~138 (no scale), fit, never married, no kids

Basics (/10): Social 6, leading 6, hygiene 7, family 7, diet 7, training 7, discipline 7. No porn/masturbation in November.

Books read: NMMNG, Primer, WISNIFG, TPF; TTGTW partly

General: I liked a comment from HeckleandChide with a very good description of discipline: a label for past actions. Feels right. Unrelated, I like playing catch-up. "I stayed so late tonight and managed to do all the stuff I wanted!" means pretty much "I feel like shit for not doing all this stuff earlier in the day, so I'll mess up my next day, too." When I stay late at night I feel like a good boy who deserves a pat on the back for "not giving up and working hard". Last night at midnight I had a hours-long list of things that "I hadn't done *yet*". A challenging list that I could work hard to complete and get standing ovations for it. Then I thought about what I really wanted to do and it was: sleep, rest well for tomorrow. I guess it is a glimpse of what it is to not care about external validation, or even internal one. That ego. It was the right thing to do for the moment, regardless of any context. I failed at completing my list, failed a good stretch of daily posts, a couple of other things. It was good to notice that I failed these not because I had given up and gone to sleep. Rather, they had been failed hours earlier when I watched a movie barely awake, when I slept 3.5 hours in the afternoon after "catching up" the previous night, when I was barely awake and functional before the 3.5 hour nap.

Physical: Kettlebells, pushups, walking. Skipped some early in the week, due to… [random rationalization]. This week finally moved back to the 40kg kettlebell. Taking it slow, probably I'm a bit too cautious but I'd rather err on the slower side instead of getting another injury and ages of recovery.

Game/sex: Nothing. Focusing on other stuff (work) is a "good excuse" to not bother. Only as I started writing the OYS I realized that the new female housemate is actually somebody I could run game on. I find her unattractive, but running game doesn't mean I need to like her or shag her.

Social: Two walks with friends. "Acceptable".

Family: Chatting quite often, even if it's short. Better than it was. We aren't very chatty with my brother. Maybe because I haven't been very interested in the details of his life. When we talk I often think about "is this the right thing to say?", "the thing I just said probably sounds stupid", "don't forget to send best wishes to his family". I care about him a lot, but all the other crap gets in the way of having a better connection. Seems like the ego and insecurities, I imagine it will get better as these lessen.

Mission: After a couple of weeks of daily rewriting vision and higher value, I've ended up with these: Vision: Doing what I want to do without hesitation or delay; no internal conflict. Higher value: Awareness of my actions, motivations, rationalizations.

Work: Discovering glaring flaws in my body of work for applications and how to address them. Now it's "ok, now it's this thing's turn to work on; working on it" vs the old "I'm crap, no one will hire me, I feel bad".

To do: Keep on with the habits, scheduling and tracking. Have done: Finally sold my bike. I kept finding excuses to not sort out the unused, untaxed, uninsured thing for months. I got so used to thinking about selling it that now that it's gone, it still feels like I need to sell it. This is interesting. If with procrastination I create parts of me that dwell on problems even after they've been taken care of, I can only imagine how much these mess up the rest of my attention before the problems has have been solved.

Awareness. Meditation, short time but often. Look around. Breathe. ~~Try to~~ be aware. Be aware.

pillola_rossa · 2020-11-23T21:22:25+00:00

I'm failing at STFU, so working on that.

Title	Own Your Shit Weekly - November 17, 2020
Author	AutoModerator
Upvotes	10
Comments	332
Date	November 17, 2020 8:10 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jvpb60/own_your_shit_weekly_november_17_2020/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/own-your-shit-weekly-november-17-2020.733154 https://theredarchive.com/post/733154

Comments

OYS #44

OYS – 11/16/2020**

Behavioral

The Good

The Bad

Fitness/Diet

Social

Game/Sex

OYS6 - 4 mos. in

STATS

UNOWNED SHIT

HISTORY