How does anyone connect if no one will chase?

Zabadoodude · 2023-12-15T20:44:57+00:00

When people say "don't chase" or "don't be needy" they mean don't try to do 90% of the chasing and giving, because the person you're chasing clearly doesn't value you.

A formula that has worked for me is, if I really like a woman, I will give her a litte more than she gives me. If she's into me she will give me a little more than that, and the relationship will keep growing. If she expects me to do most of the work it will fade, which is for the best.

Steakman1 · 2023-12-15T20:21:50+00:00

Women argue if they show more interest than the man, the man is more likely to perceive her as easy and try to make things sexual quickly. Men argue if they show more interest than the woman, the woman is more likely to become bored, lose interest, and leave.

I don’t really know who is more in the right here.

ComfortableJeans · 2023-12-15T20:14:34+00:00

Ahh, fuck that.

Fuck the games. Fuck the rules. Fuck what people think and fuck what you're supposed to do.

Granted, I'm getting off a little easier, as I don't want to fuck anyone until a strong romantic bond is formed and that happens gradually, but here's how I do it.

I meet someone, we become friends, we text, and text, and text, and we talk, and talk, and talk, we get closer and closer, we fall for one another and fall in love together.

Fuck all that, wait a day to answer a text so you don't look needy shit. I've fallen for you and I want you now, so I'll answer as soon as I can. Want to hang out, talking over the phone for 9 hours a day while we work? Great, I love hanging out with you. I want to hold your hand while we walk around because it feels great to hold onto you. Let's be so giddy with one another that our friends tease us about it. Fuck resisting that urge because of some arbitrary, nonsense rule some tryhard idiot made up to try looking cool and distant.

I don't want emotionally distant. I want pressed againt my chest. I don't want side eye glances, I want grabbing my face and kissing me.

I don't chase, I take a step toward someone and expect them to do the same. If they take a step toward me, I take another and so on. If I take a step and they don't because they expect me to chase after them, be it because they're the girl, or they don't want to look like they care or whatever. Fuck em'. You don't need them.

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-12-15T21:06:02+00:00

There are people who only chase those that they believe are elite and there are people who chase anyone who they think is cute. One of the things people have a hard time accepting is that someone can think you are attractive in a vacuum but won’t go out on a limb to pursue you.

jay10033 · 2023-12-15T21:17:12+00:00

No way men should be chasing women. It's a stupid idea. Unless someone is showing mutual interest, leave them alone. Let them run away. Spend your energy on people who actually like and are attracted to you.

boom-wham-slam · 2023-12-15T21:28:59+00:00

It's not about chasing its about effort. I come and say "I'm interested in going out" and she says no I just leave it. I put in effort and made a move. To keep on is chasing.

Chasing is for immature people or low value people who try and wear down the other and be there in a time of neediness and fall into a relationship. It's not a normal person's strategy. It's waiting for them to hit a rough patch when they may bend on their standards or be very drunk or whatever where they can slip in.

It's the same for both men and women. No different

illusoryfindings · 2023-12-15T22:50:32+00:00

This dating game used to piss me off to no end, because it's a pointless stalemate and a massive waste of time for everyone. Here's how I solved it.

I take on the emotional 'risk' and do the initial chasing.

I show a lot of interest and be honest about how I feel. Then I cool it off for a bit, and give them a turn to chase me back. I want to see if they're actually interested in me, or just enjoying the attention and validation I give them.

If they don't return the chase, I'll just move on. I've found women are more than happy to chase if they like you but feel like they might lose you, especially in those early stages after they already find you intriguing from your initial chasing.

If you're not willing to move on, you're kind of just giving people explicit permission to not put as much effort into things as you are, because they don't need to in order to keep you around. You'll be there.

And if you're not willing to show some initiative and chase first, you'll need to wait until you stumble upon someone else who is.

It's a game of give and a take, historically men have been the ones to start it.

You don't have to start it if you don't want to, but I like to because it ends that annoying as fuck period at the start, where both people are trying to prove how they're not needy.

LiteratureSome7958 · 2023-12-15T21:51:31+00:00

I know it may be controversial but I think women control this climate. Women don’t really chase the majority of the time. It’s usually the man that initiates the interest and has to show what he’s worth. I think someone with a lot of options is able to sit back and just watch their phone blow up with messages and likes. So if a man has to show what he’s worth but he’s option 2 out of 5, then he’s going to fall back and try a new strategy. That new strategy is to act as if I’m not too interested. I’ve seen and been apart of doing that and seen how positive the results worked. Ive also seen how showing interest by sending texts or calling was looked at as desperate or too needy. Guys are just adapting to the environment of the dating game.

emorizoti · 2023-12-16T00:02:14+00:00

Lovebomb her since the first time. Act obsessed in indirect way. Always reply fast at any time. Day two or three you should be open about wanting her. But also keep it ambiguos, and never reveal your intentions or your feelings. If asked or confronted, skip the questions. Lovebomb her more. Lots of compliments, especially about her intelligence. Make her feel special with attention. Make sexy chat games and flirt alot. Keep yourself busy and never tell about your whereabouts or personal information. You should make it like a 24/7 condition that it becomes totally normal for her. This can last up to 2 weeks. Women with issues and low self esteem break and fall for it by this time. If you don't have sex with her by now, proceed to the second part.

Second part is that you need to act distant and cold. Delay dates. Become suddenly unavailable. She'll crave the initial phase and put effort to change the current situation. If she acts sad, cheer her up and flirt with her. Try to seduce her and have sex. Use fingers and tongue and stay all night to keep it fun and not boring. After sex, she is all yours. You can either try to normalize things, or keep it interesting. Play hot n cold for awhile. She will chase you for a long time and tolerate your behavior and many bad things you might have with yourself. Then disconect due to some "personal problems". Return again during her healing phase and repeat the same steps as many times as you want.

Lots of women don't fall for this shitty behavior, but thankfully there are tons of other women with lots of issues and disorders who will bond through anxiety or trauma. It is a real thing that you can look it up for yourself and exploit it. If it wasn't real, women wouldn't have problems in dating or finding the right partner. You can also try the DENNIS system, or be creative to form a connection with your target. Look in the past, and all the bad guys that many dudes love to whine about, have been the nicest persons in the world during the first week. BuT tHaT iS wRoNg? So what? It is not illegal and millions of women get away with this behavior. Why? Because it works all of the time.

DarayRaven · 2023-12-15T20:12:37+00:00

Give a practical example pls

Because this term "chase" is overly used without any context

GreatSmashPlayer · 2023-12-16T00:24:26+00:00

Only those with high self-esteem and low trauma will actually be able to self-improve, make moves, and accept rejection, and thus they'll ultimately be the winners and have the highest quality and quantity of relationships.

Bouldershoulders12 · 2023-12-15T20:04:57+00:00

There’s always a chaser and chasee

Depends on who has the higher SMV. That’s why there’s no such thing as both people loving 50/50. Someone has to do the loving more

SupposedlySapiens · 2023-12-16T19:38:58+00:00

Modern society has taught us all to be egotistical, self-absorbed narcissists who think that sacrificing or compromising or showing any kind of vulnerability with anyone is the worst possible thing you could do

Unhappy-Apple222 · 2023-12-15T20:47:25+00:00

This was always the man's role before, courting,taking charge, initiating, pursuing etc etc.It's still the man's role in many places. Weirdos don't understand that a man acting like a passive princess ain't sexy. For many women foreplay doesn't just start in the bedroom. Foreplay is often the entire courtship process. Dudes used to know this.

Wattehfok · 2023-12-15T20:33:53+00:00

Honestly, no one should be “chasing”.

There should be some push and pull; but expecting one party to do all the heavy lifting is a good way to create a very asymmetric relationship.

macone235 · 2023-12-15T21:00:31+00:00

I've noticed that a lot of dating seems to revolve around the idea of neither side looking "too needy" which leads to both genders competing to see who can show the least interest in the other.

The man is the one that is suppose to not look needy. The woman might act indifferent at first, but she'll be lured by your indifference if she's attracted to you.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-12-15T23:05:55+00:00

You hit the nail on the head for why people don't connect (along with other things that lead to our society being so isolating...)

People are too afraid to take risks emotionally. I am emotionally tough so I may be biased. I have been burned by alot of people (not just romantically) because I put myself out there alot and dont assume every person is the same. "You miss all the shots you dont take."

2023-12-15T21:53:40+00:00

Women: This is street harassment, unwanted attention, and inappropriate workplace behavior! And besides, we're just here to dance with our girlfriends and the tight clothes and makeup is NOT for your viewing pleasure!

Men: Okay, we'll leave you alone.

Women: Hey, men are not approaching us anymore!

Men: Okay, we'll approach you again.

Women: No, just him... him... and maybe him. The rest of you are creepy.

Men: (men left the chat)

Just_Django · 2023-12-15T20:50:23+00:00

People want what they can't have, both genders. If you express heavy interest in someone, you get rid of their opportunity to "earn" your love, which is a satisfying thing to chase. The trick is to show interest but not fully give in, give them room to still prove themselves. It's tricky for sure but it's human nature.

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jaybalvinman · 2023-12-15T22:23:33+00:00

Its all really just a game in the beginning to see how attractive you are and how attractive the other person thinks you are.

I use to be super interested in this man who just WOULDNT chase. Even though he approached me first and we exchanged numbers, neither of us wanted to make that first move. We spoke everyday, small talk stuff. He never asked me out, never called me, nothing. It was quite obvious he was at least slighly interested. Just not interested ENOUGH I guess. I made myself very responsive to him and available where he knew I would accept if he asked me out.

Maybe he was a princess who wanted to be chased.I dont know.

I

OtPayOkerSmay · 2023-12-16T02:13:28+00:00

Women love the thrill of the chase, and they are also are disgusted by men who chase. When she knows she has you, it's over; when she questions whether she can have you, you have the upper hand.

If women aren't chasing you, work on yourself and disregard women until they are chasing you.

Thrice_Banned80 · 2023-12-16T03:38:32+00:00

Stop listening to crybabies and pessimists. There's no real "side" aside from the people you wouldn't want to date anyways.

TotalTravesty · 2023-12-15T20:15:07+00:00

This comes from severe risk and pain aversion that can only be solved with experience risking and feeling pain. It’s like wanting to become a boxer but having the expectation of never ever getting hit in the head.

How does anyone connect? When one side decides they’re ready to risk getting hit in the head, connections can be made. Once they realize that any rules about looking too needing or expressing their feelings are all socially constructed bullshit, they can finally get the ball rolling. It may not work out. They may get hit in the head. But guess what: that experience will cut the time it takes for them to try to make another connection dramatically. Then it’s just a matter of time.

Easier said than done, sure. Still true.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-15T20:35:40+00:00

First of all, understand that there is a mating dance in humans just like there is in animals. You need to accept that and e ready to play the game. That doesn't mean paying games, it means learn to play the game.

Here is why neediness and chasing others is bad. Neediness firstly shows that you have no options and you are not in demand. That is one of the first things a woman is trying to determine in a man. That is why a man who is recommended by a girlfriend or a guy she has seen other women be interested in, is immediately more attractive to her. He is in demand by other women. His sperm is valuable. Men don't judge women the exact same way. They look at our behavior and the context. We simply look at their bodies.

There is a universal law that says: people always want what they can't get and never what can get. A needy person is what anyone can get and therefore they are not interesting.

Needy people also come across as lacking, incomplete and unable to take responsibility for their emotional health. They rely on others for that essentially saying "Take me! I have no inherent value, I can't even stand myself". That is not appealing to anyone.

That being said, there is usually a power imbalance in a relationship. One person always is the reacher (chaser) and the other is the settler. If this imbalance is very small, it means nothing people are close to not being needy. Now you may ask, why be wjth someone if you don't need them?

Well, this is easy. You can be with others because you WANT TO. Because you enjoy their company, their sex, their intimacy. You can enjoy their love. But if you chase after their love and sex, they will likely reject you.

The idea here isn't to act disinterested. It is to be completely disconnected from an outcome. If the person likes me, great! If they don't, that's fine too. I am happy with myself either way and I will not be crushed by a rejection. A needy person is always powerless, because they feel they need to chase others for that mythical ingredient that will bring them happiness. And because of that they always play it safe, they play not to lose but in the process, they never get the object of their desire.

Two non-needy people are actually perfect for each other. Because they can both focus on getting to know each other and connecting instead of trying to impress each other and convince the other person to like them.

For the best explanation on the subject see here: https://youtu.be/9eQVW9lwUxs?si=JHnOplrVDtcqABUb

Safinated · 2023-12-15T23:23:44+00:00

People do initiate. Chasing, not so much

DoinIt989 · 2023-12-16T00:31:37+00:00

If someone likes you than "chasing" is a positive. It's basically a push/pull thing that you have to figure out.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-12-16T00:38:37+00:00

Men will always chase as they are expendable. Women will screen and fuck/date the hottest and most attractive men (when young) and settle for the less attractive but commitment minded (but still tall) guy as they age and their looks begin to fade.

Ok-Excitement-6643 · 2023-12-16T00:49:01+00:00

There's a difference between chase and pursue. I prefer to pursue instead of chase.

Chase is when one person does the bulk of the courting and the other person doesn't. The other person who isn't showing as much interest because they been hurt before and they're scared or they feel as though they're special and someone should kiss their ***.

Pursing is showing each other mutual interest.

AnonymousAgapeLove · 2023-12-16T03:56:33+00:00

How do people connect with community members in general? That's probably how.

Sabrepill · 2023-12-16T04:05:18+00:00

Instinctually and historically men initiate and lead, while women submit, pursue and chase that leader if she’s attracted to him and he passes her subconscious tests which prod for male weakness such as testing his boundaries.

Modern feminism has tried to turn that upside down but all it’s resulted in overall is hedonistic hookup culture for the attractive, sexlessness for the unattractive, more childless men and women, more single motherhood for those who have children, gender wars, incels, entitled narcisstic modern women, catastrophic birth rates and divorce rates, and female wage slaves and student loan holders. Basically the most miserable statistics for the last several hundred years of gender relation data.

Southern-Mistake7543 · 2023-12-16T07:11:16+00:00

Kind of hate principles about things. Dating is looked at from such a specific scope as if that's all life is about. Just go have a good time give your energy to them show them what you've on offer if they like they buy if they don't then someone else will. See no point to having principles like being too needy. It's about the heart and the heart self calibrates through experiences, not through passed on wisdom.

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-12-16T07:35:36+00:00

These rules go out the window when attraction levels are high enough.

NockerJoe · 2023-12-16T08:43:56+00:00

Theres chasing someone who's making it fun and chasing someone who doesn't care. If the chase lasts not too long, there's some fun banter, and there's something mutual at the end of it thats very different from trying to win over someone who's either indifferent or just enjoying the attention.

When you see people complain its usually about several months of not getting that first date or several months of a relarionship with no intimacy. Nobody is complaining if that cute person they flirted with for like 2 weeks wants coffee and drinks before doing anything else.

The problem is a lot of people on reddit take the whole sapiosexual thing to an absurd end conclusion where they don't date anyone they don't have an established relationship with and/or don't escalate the relationship past that initial talking stage for several months and then wonder why they wind up places like here. After all, women who give it up too fast or men who push too fast are bad, and by doing this they are the Most Good.

Sadsad0088 · 2023-12-16T09:21:21+00:00

There will always be someone giving it a go, it’s not like men completely stopped flirting or asking women out

HamzaAghaEfukt · 2023-12-16T09:39:08+00:00

Men were ok with pursuing.

Problem is, how do you bring yourself to pursue women knowing they didnt require any pursuit from other men? Its basic human psychology that women are unwilling to understand.

Women have changed the rules of dating

This was not a problem in the pre hookup / dating app era.

SeveralLiterature980 · 2023-12-16T10:26:10+00:00

LOL

I don't refrain from chasing because I care about looking too needy. I give no fucks about that ever. If anything, a lot of PUA tards would say the many instances when a girl is taking too long to respond to a key text like about when the date will occur or something like that and I send a pushy, impatient double text of '?' is "too needy."

So be it. I'm processing the applicant as fast as possible through the pipeline, i.e. getting to "no" as fast as possible with the "maybe" girls so that more attention goes to the 'yes' girls.

Being "needy" is only a thing when she isn't interested enough in you. If she calls you needy for doing, most anything, that's all it means. "I am not that interested in you." And consequently you now have grounds to unmatch, block, ghost whatever and move on.

I refrain from chasing because the ROI is NOT WORTH IT. EVER.

There is virtually no scenario of waiting a long time before sex with a woman has a good ROI.

There is virtually no scenario where high effort before sex (i.e. chasing) has a good ROI, either.

There's all this jive surrounding 'chasing' because women are invested in extracting time and attention from men to engage in ego pumping. So you have "too fast sex makes men think women are easy so I won't do it," and other assorted nuggets like this.

Put on your thinking caps.

Women intimately know how the men they want value looks. That is why getting a man to commit is a status symbol --- it is the ultimate validation of the woman's looks. The girlfriend is almost always hotter than the side piece for a reason.
When women sleep with men fast who move on (or hey sometimes the women disappear, too) is that they realize the power imbalance and exchange there. She rolled the dice and knew he just wanted her for a fuck and nothing more when the dust settled. That's not a good relationship for her.
While generally it's true regarding the halo effect, it's not quite so straightforward. Phrenology, though discredited, seems to be useful here. Different phenotypes get different results.
For ex I have an angular face with idk, slitty eyes and ever since puberty, when the 'success with women' started until present day: women do not trust me. Women (interested or not) are always hunting for ways to prove or inquire about whether I'm married, taken, or whatever. They really have trouble trusting me. So that might be at play in this dynamic, too.
When hunting for a long term partner they likely will either get burned a few times or intuitively believe that the man they sleep with fast is bad LTR material (true or not, I mean, as a matter of probability probably).
For a partner they need someone they have more power over. It makes sense. Relationships are give and take.
Hence they date in a way to screen in men who simply do not have other options at her level. These are the "right" men.

Deep down, I believe women know they are doing this.

Then, from the male camp on "chasing" women you still have a very stupid notion that your behavior matters much if at all in these short-term situations. It just doesn't.

Like, there's nothing a man can do in his behavior that will cause women generally who would not have otherwise been attracted to him on this time scale to become attracted to him.

But dating coaches need $ and so the truth will kill that industry. So there are all these products and videos and tutorials on how to do something that humanity has been doing for millenia with zero of these products.

It's just a bad strategy. High effort strategies are also stupid. From an ROI standpoint.

Men still must pursue to maximize their options, but you pursue in a way that is constantly screening out bad candidates. For many men it is better to be the first guy in the example above (even if the woman disappears) than the second guy and so it's important for men to screen.

And it's important for women to do the same.

mrchoon · 2023-12-16T10:27:19+00:00

There's a push/pull dynamic that women seem to be intuitively aware of, but all too often, men know nothing about.

I don't think "Don't show any interest" is the right approach, but you can show a certain level of self control, and even self interest.

The problem arises when a girl shows a lad a few signs of interest, and suddenly he's confessing his undying love and need to be with her always.

This shows in behaviours like turning up to her house unexpected, texting her all day, always touching her, not being able to just chill and have a normal conversation.

Girls, I know you've seen this stuff. You should understand that a lot of red-pill content (the more rational stuff) is aimed at these guys, and just trying to say "Stop It!"

MGTOW can be an opportunity to decide that, at least for now, you're ok on your own. It doesn't have to be the hateful shit that it all too often is. Talking to a girl from the perspective of a man not interested in anything more can really take the pressure off. It can help you have a real conversation, and in the process, you're likely to be a more attractive man for it.

This doesn't apply to everybody, but some men need to hear it.

MacaronFinancial · 2023-12-16T11:56:16+00:00

I think there are two distinct mental models to chase from which men choose:

-I'm chasing her because she's cute and girls like boys just like boys like girls. She's just conditioned or too timid to take on the risk so I'll make things easy for us by taking the plunge

-I'm chasing her because I would never be a catch she would go for unless I jestermaxx my goolies off. There is already some cynicism and resentment here.

Reading women's posts online for two decades and learning about life can get you in the second mode over time. You should somehow try to gain a consistent string of good experiences to maintain the 'blue pill' theme of the first mode.

In reality I suppose some women truly ARE timid whereas others have bad faith and love to see men squirm. The honor in approaching women is in the assumption that she appreciates the courage and initiative. When this honor is taken away, men naturally give up and chads start to reign over all women.

chalkandapples · 2023-12-16T15:30:34+00:00

It doesn't work if both sides are worried about looking too needy. And it's not a healthy mindset to be in.

I don't artificially stop myself from showing how much I like someone.

Unless I have reason to suspect this person is malicious or bad for me, I always extend an olive branch. They don't always take it, but it often doesn't hurt to try. I act similarly in making friends and coworker relations.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2023-12-16T19:27:21+00:00

Neither party has to chase when there's mutual attraction.

luroot · 2023-12-16T19:52:23+00:00

Yes, none of this works if you're not hot to begin with. Then nobody cares if you're chasing them or not...

Thenolimitguy · 2023-12-17T15:16:17+00:00

Few times women would stare from mile away,acting hot and cold etc been there saw this bs crap and at the same time having a fuckboy/boyfriend or children. No thanks,women will either get serious if deciding to send signals and be more direct or buy themselves cats as no real man will tolerate bs and move ahead.

giveuporfindaway · 2023-12-18T00:01:29+00:00

They don't, which is why singledom is growing on both genders.

Title	How does anyone connect if no one will chase?
Author	Siliconmage76
Upvotes	57
Comments	188
Date	December 15, 2023 7:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18j8sfq/how_does_anyone_connect_if_no_one_will_chase/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-anyone-connect-if-no-one-will-chase.1240860 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240860

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