It's really not that challenging to get a girlfriend

captaindestucto · 2025-11-28T03:39:01+00:00

It's probably the case that a largish % of men simply aren't cut out for their gender role when it comes to approaching, flirting, 'courtship' (antiquated term), particularly now that women aren't pressured into settling for them. Whereas in the past they might have had a reasonable chance of finding partners,

Women don't need to "build attraction" the way men do. Men are visual or just concerned with the basics of compatibility ('do we get along and have enough in common', 'does she like me;): We don't place importance on traits like confidence since we're not hardwired to seek out protection and provision.

And plenty of women have equivalent lifestyles to the socially inept loser men who complain online - only they're more welcome in social spaces and people are willing to bring them out of their shells.

Eventually most of them get asked out by men who take the initiative for them. And that's really the key difference. Shyness only becomes a problem if it causes them to completely withdraw.

Nobody cuts awkward men any slack, approaches them or gives them benefit of doubt. If they can't perform their male/masculine role adequately that's game over. They're either creepy and/or losers unless they make some drastic changes. Some will but some can't. Some were humiliated in childhood/adolescence so badly they'll never recover.

Also "have your place" lol. Is this the 2000s?

RaidenTheBlue · 2025-11-28T03:03:17+00:00

“Have your own place” was an interesting interjection. The vast majority of men I know who live in the metro area of a major city who are my age (27m) or younger either live with a number of roommates or with their family. This is starting to become an unrealistic expectation, especially since the vast majority women I know or have known (dated) who “had their own place” were being supported by their parents in part or in whole

Environmental_Day558 · 2025-11-28T03:22:42+00:00

To your point sure it's not hard, if your standards are extremely low and you take whatever gives you attention. Finding someone that is quality in your eyes can take a bit of time.

antenonjohs · 2025-11-28T03:02:31+00:00

I mean if the goal is just someone with a pulse, then sure… but most men that have their shit together in other aspects of life want a woman who they feel matches what they bring to the table. A 25 year old guy that has a steady job making say $75K, lives on his own and is independent, in decent shape, and has hobbies typically wants the same out of a woman.

And that’s not happening for a lot of men right now.

teacherinthemiddle · 2025-11-28T03:08:31+00:00

There are places where men can't afford their own place. California is one of those places.

kongeriket · 2025-11-28T03:24:06+00:00

have your own place

In 1970, 78% of 26 year olds (!!) lived with their parents.

It was never the case that having your own place in your 20s to be the norm. Never, anywhere in the world, ever in human history. It was always very rare and, yes, part of the top 5%.

Yet somehow generations past managed to pair bond,... somehow.

If this generation doesn't manage it because women expect a young man to have his own place at 26, then, fine - your society will be replaced by a civilization that is not brainrotted by such an idiotic and unrealistic expectation.

And that's not a bad thing either. LOLberal "civilization" is a hindrance to the moral progress of civilization. The sooner it's replaced, the better.

Baron_von_Zoldyck · 2025-11-28T03:46:26+00:00

Eh. Someone might do all of the things you mentioned and their psyche may still be busted due to trauma or all kind of other psychological shit. It's not fair to say it's easy for everyone when everyone has a vastly different life story.

Far_Secret_2710 · 2025-11-28T03:09:18+00:00

I’d accept this if girls also accepted that not getting the kind of commitment they want from the kind of guy they want (or sleep with) is the girl’s fault, and that it means she needs to change herself, her behavior, her attitude and belief system, and aim for more basic men (even ones her girlfriends would never even look at twice) without deflecting her shortcomings or emergent issues onto men.

mrcs84usn · 2025-11-28T02:59:45+00:00

Mid men attracting amazing women?

I’m sure your personal metrics are inflating women and deflating men. You’re probably seeing extra-regular women dating extra-regular men.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-11-28T03:59:45+00:00

It's important not to conflate advice for the individual who must make do in whatever world they find themselves in vs. systemic analysis of dating dynamics.

Yes, on an individual level, people make all sorts of mistakes. They often exaggerate things, misunderstand their own level, etc. But in terms of what is going on systemically, I think the jury is out. The data is muddy. I think there is likely a lot of variation now between different demographics, with people presenting the reality of 'their world' as the overall statistical reality. Also, remember that studies clearly show that even relatively small marginal changes can have outsized psychological effects. Relatively smallish changes in the gender population balance at a university have much bigger effects on the dating norms there, as an example.

I think female standards have gone up at least some. I do believe it is harder for men to get GFs than it was in the past. But beyond that, I don't know by how much. And I believe it varies greatly from place to place, age group to age group, etc. There is also the possibility that the quality of males has declined in absolute terms, as well. Possibly, that of females has also declined, but people's standards only scale very imperfectly to their own level. High mate value people (in relative and/or absolute terms) are more attracted to and interested in dating their equivalents than is true for low mate value people, even when everyone is staying in their league. I don't believe the obesity epidemic cancels itself out, as an example, just because both genders were roughly equally obese. It's also possible that being sedentary and fat and out-of-shape impacts male attractiveness more than female.

harmonica2 · 2025-11-28T04:27:40+00:00

I have a gf but whether or not its difficult for most guys and I just got lucky, im not sure. I hope others find their SO.

OkOutlandishness6370 · 2025-11-28T04:47:56+00:00

The challenge doesn't come from just getting a girlfriend, I agree with that much. Assuming reasonable attractiveness, a lot of women will at least let you number-close or date-close just because they are flattered to be approached.

So yeah, that's not the challenging part. The challenging part is getting a GOOD woman, who will not shit test you to oblivion, openly disrespect you, have mental problems, come out as demi sexual or what the fuck ever excuse people are using these days, propose an open relationship, have loud left leaning obnoxious views and demand you engage with them, make horrible financial decisions, nag you constantly, want to get married and have kids at ludicrous speed.... etc, etc.

And granted, I'm being harsh and no one is perfect. Almost everyone has one or two glaring flaws. I'm just saying that dating in GENERAL is very challenging. Perhaps the most difficult and important challenge you'll face in your entire life - not kidding. Picking the wrong partner is disastrous and will wreck not just your life outcome, but those of your eventual kids. And attracting the RIGHT partner is not as easy or straightforward as approaching a rando chick because you just want some girlfriend, ANY girlfriend!

Trancetastic16 · 2025-11-28T05:43:43+00:00

“Have your own place” is an unrealistic standard and was, since “the American Dream” of a person having the means to live with roommates while working and save for renting alone and/or buying an apartment and/or saving for a house, always an unsustainable luxury built on the tanked post-World War 2 economy.

I agree with you that Millennial and older Gen Z men and women were culturally-conditioned to expect this to be the norm - but it was always a false dream they were being sold.

But now it is what many modern western women expect from a man, some of whom attained their degrees and career through DEI and statistically still expect the man to earn more despite starting at a disadvantage compared to her, for what is an unrealistic dream for the middle class in the first place.

It is a privilege even in wealthy western nations to afford to live alone and your argument is actually that men have to be privileged to be appealing to the average western woman - which is 100% correct.

Not to mention that Canada, the UK and Australia are literally experiencing a Housing and Rental crisis - there literally aren’t enough available housing even for those who can afford it.

PitersonK · 2025-11-28T06:21:35+00:00

How tall are they?

AssistTemporary8422 · 2025-11-28T06:26:33+00:00

pay attention to how you dress

Paying too much attention to how you dress as a guy can make you come off as performative, overdressed, and actually a bit feminine.

look like you try with your photos

The gender ratio is horrible on online dating apps and its pretty common for guys to try with their photos and still fail.

and have at least one hobby you are passionate about

Your hobby will have zero impact on your dating. It isn't like most women want to hear about your hobby that much anyway.

There are overweight, basic men who attract average women just by having an actual personality.

An "actual personality" is a lot more complex than you let on. Many of these men have mental health issues or are neuro-divergent. Its not as easy for some people as it is for others.

In fact, there are so many mid men who attract amazing women that I am stunned by the claims here that women are increasingly selective.

There are overweight, basic men who attract average women just by having an actual personality.

When I look at couples the vast majority are about as attractive as each other. I don't see a lot of men with women way out of their league.

It is really not challenging to get a girlfriend. If you're 25 or 30 or 35 and you've never had a relationship, either you are not trying at all or you are significantly below average in multiple metrics.

You are missing the point. These guys are behind in multiple metrics like looks, social skills, and mental health. And thats what makes it very hard for them.

Combatenjoyer23 · 2025-11-28T02:55:33+00:00

I agree. What's actually difficult is locking down a baddie lmao

3ONEthree · 2025-11-28T03:26:31+00:00

If a women doesn’t wanna build from the ground up with you and grow, doesn’t have an stabled income, then you shouldn’t be with that a women in the first place regardless of how attractive she is. You want a life partner not someone who sets you back.

SignificantTime5436 · 2025-11-28T03:51:37+00:00

I agree with everything except “In fact, there are so many mid men who attract amazing women that I am stunned by the claims here that women are increasingly selective.”

No there are not so many ,that phenomena is very rare . If you think they’re mid in the looks they most likely have a lot of money , or you’re just overestimating the value of the woman.

There’s also another angle where she is “amazing” but she’s just in it due to the power dynamics.

All in all it’s very rare.

NiceGuy_4eva · 2025-11-28T04:02:44+00:00

Yes. There is something extremely wrong with me. I don't know what it is. I am happy with my life. I think more men should find happiness by themself and quit this yearning for romance.

SecondEldenLord · 2025-11-28T10:41:38+00:00

"have your own place", you are saying it like it's easy to do in this economy. What's with this obsession of always blaming men for not having women? You are saying "it's impossible to not have 1 woman interested in you if you have hobbies, your own place, dress good, etc. Well what if one or two physical flaws that cannot be changed can cancel the rest? I am a man who pays rent, pays the bills, work a lot, workout, dress nice, groom, have hobbies like hiking, cycling, gaming and working out. Did that got me a girl? No. Why? Because of my height and face. And yes, these two factors can really stop a man from getting a girl because there are guys there with the same hobbies as me but more attractive. The sheer number of options that women have stops other men, average men to have a girl. It's that simple. Now I am not saying it is absolutely impossible to get a girl, just like how it's not impossible to become a millionaire. But the chances, just like becoming a millionaire, are very slim.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-11-28T20:31:02+00:00

If no woman has ever been interested in you, you have to be doing something so catastrophically wrong that it is almost unbelievable.

How do you even know this? Do you have any argument in favor of this position that do not circle back towards a just world fallacy?

If you are a man between 20-35 and have your own place, pay attention to how you dress, look like you try with your photos, and have at least one hobby you are passionate about, you will have a woman interested in you.

Again how do you know?

There are overweight, basic men who attract average women just by having an actual personality.

How do you know?

there are so many mid men who attract amazing women

How do you know?

If you're 25 or 30 or 35 and you've never had a relationship, either you are not trying at all or you are significantly below average in multiple metrics.

H O W

D O Y O U

K N O W ?

What evidence do you have of anything you said?

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2025-11-28T03:21:49+00:00

Any man can get a girlfriend if he shoots below his league

pisowiec · 2025-11-28T03:17:23+00:00

I agree 100%.

I've always been obese and have a very asymmetrical face. I also hate driving, don't own a car, and have a shitty job (teacher.)

Despite all that, I've never had a problem on dating apps or attracting interest in real life. I had 3 serious girlfriends before marrying my current wife.

I'll add that my wife and exes are all a couple of leagues away from me.

My only cheatcode is being 185 cm which is slightly above average in my country. So I sympathize with short kings that can't find a girl but not with men that are equal my height or taller.

mghv78 · 2025-11-28T03:24:07+00:00

Yeah I don’t get it either. I’m mid 40s, dad bod, don’t even workout, and a 4 at best. Never made 6 figs never owned a house. Old used cars. I’ve had two dozen partners and relationships anywhere from 6 months to 7 years. I dated 7’s and 8’s at one point. I actually had to turn women down when I’m in committed relationships.

MarioWilson122 · 2025-11-28T03:35:28+00:00

Well I think men mainly say its hard to get someone that they actually like. Yes going for anything can produce better results but some men might be against going down to low.

Even if they tried nowadays women that are way out of shape, can have options thrown at her by more attractive men. Since they like dumpster diving from time to time as well.

So a lower status men can have a hard time if these women think they can get a better deal, even if all they get is men looking to pump and dump.

So yes having a good job, in shape and a nice place can get men somewhere, especially over time but this can take some people quite a while to get it all put together. In the meantime they may want to enjoy something halfway decent.

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TheOneWhoThinketh · 2025-11-28T03:41:35+00:00

If you cannot attract the interest of even one woman in your life, you are the problem.

It's not that hard to attract a woman's interest. It's not that hard to get a "girl friend", as in female friend. It's not that hard to find a woman willing to have sex. It is hard for some men to enter into and maintain a relationship with a woman.

I don't understand men here who say they need to be incredibly good looking, wealthy, socially elite to attract any one.

If you're 25 or 30 or 35 and you've never had a relationship, either you are not trying at all or you are significantly below average in multiple metrics.

It's not necessarily that they're unable to attract any woman, it's that they're unable to attract women that meet their standards for a relationship. I talked to hundreds of women and out of those hundreds, less than 10 were women that I would seriously consider a relationship with.

In fact, there are so many mid men who attract amazing women that I am stunned by the claims here that women are increasingly selective.

Women look at social media and think that their relationships should be the same as or better than what they see online. They also are clueless about the effort a man has to expend to keep their interest, and it only becomes harder to maintain it over time.

Yes, some men are able to attract amazing women, but most men don't want the relationship that comes with it. I also think those "mid" men have a significant understanding of their partners or of women in general, and are not comparable the average man, let alone the types of men complaining on here.

There are overweight, basic men who attract average women just by having an actual personality.

What makes you think that men who publicly and endlessly complain about not being able to get a girlfriend, have a personality? They seem convinced that if they make enough money or looksmaxx they'll finally get the girl. If they understood what "having a personality" entailed, they would have one.

AimlesslWander · 2025-11-28T05:42:55+00:00

Its hard for me because I cant pay for parking downtown, I buy food and pay bills and 457 on a car payment and 231 for insurance, I got a credcard I gotta pay off so I am broke all the time.

Its not fucking easy man

I wish it was, I wish girls seeing my online socials at least would approach me,I am not going to bite you, but its not for some of us.

WebNew9978 · 2025-11-28T06:01:52+00:00

Considering that women nowadays can go though life being forever single and be happy/independent with it, combined with how dating apps are, you would think the end result be is that it becomes harder to have a GF because she has so many options to explore.

If no woman has ever been interested in you, you have to be doing something so catastrophically wrong that it is almost unbelievable.

Yeah it’s called being universally ugly and autistic. Can’t change those things.

If you are a man between 20-35 and have your own place, pay attention to how you dress, look like you try with your photos, and have at least one hobby you are passionate about, you will have a woman interested in you.

Doesn’t help at all when you’re ugly. Honestly I think it’s time to admit that advice is god awful and needs to be called out for it.

It is really not challenging to get a girlfriend. If you're 25 or 30 or 35 and you've never had a relationship, either you are not trying at all or you are significantly below average in multiple metrics.

10+ years of nothing but rejection from trying says otherwise so I’m significantly below average in every meteoric. I’m universally ugly and autistic and little to no women would be willing to date me because of it.

MeanSeaworthiness6 · 2025-11-28T17:12:31+00:00

Incredibly vague post. Yes, most men can get a girlfriend just like most women can get sex instantaneously. Doesn't mean those are people worth being in a relationship or having sex with.

Women complain all the time about how guys are pathetic, losers, need to step up their game and it's tragic how they don't see how they just described most women.

Yes we can get girlfriends but for someone who has his shit together, most women I come across aren't capable of a healthy relationship anymore. Many (most) past a certain age are mentally and emotionally unstable, have TikTok brain, are out of shape, living very mediocre lives, can't communicate properly, arrogant, entitled, egotistical, unable to treat a man well, bad at sex, masculine/manly, etc.

Most just aren't worth committing to hence the saying, "The juice just isn't worth the squeeze anymore".

So no, it's not nearly as easy as you make it out to be.

shadowrangerfs · 2025-11-30T04:35:50+00:00

If it's so easy, then write down how to do it and sell it. You'll be a millionaire in less than a year.

Also, mid men are not getting amazing women. Those women are mid too. My guess is that you are judging those women based on what women want and not what men want.

Up_GreyDD_FF · 2025-11-30T04:58:59+00:00

I feel like this was written by a woman.

Jetpine9 · 2025-11-28T17:33:13+00:00

OP, wtf are you talking about? You post in the Forever Alone sub about being "forever alone like you've always been". So why come here to bullshit like this?

PuzzleheadedGrab8375 · 2025-11-29T13:00:02+00:00

I highly disagree with this take. I think it is very comparable to the claim that finding relationships for women is easy because they’ll have an easy time finding a man who’s interested in them.

But finding a relationship is not only about finding someone who’s interested in you, but also about finding a person you are interested in. You can’t ignore this fact for women nor for men.

I think of myself as a pretty extreme case study that showcases this. When I was young, I had a lot of success with women. In high school my classmates used to joke about how every single one of my female classmates was into me. And of course I used this position. And in early college it was similar. I was constantly in a relationship from age 15 to 22.

But my interests changed pretty rapidly later in college. I got pretty nerdy and was tired of having meaningless relationships just to fuck. I would consider myself a sapiophile now and have pretty concrete expectations for a potential partner. If she doesn’t “out-nerd” me in certain topics or at least match me, I know that this won’t lead to a long-term relationship.

And because I changed, I now also have significantly fewer women being interested in me. I was never especially good-looking, maybe slightly above average, but I was extremely cocky and outgoing. I was used to being in the spotlight and acted like it—which is certainly a trait that will get women interested in you. I’ve become much more introverted, and of course that doesn’t help with many women being interested in me. But if my goal were to get a random woman interested in me as quickly as possible, I’d just have to step a bit out of my comfort zone to make it happen.

So yes, it wouldn’t be too hard, I guess, to find a random woman that’s interested in me. But since I know what I’m looking for, it has become quite difficult to even find women I’m interested in for a long-term relationship. And I think that’s kind of true for everyone who knows what they want.

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-12-05T23:10:19+00:00

What happens when you turn 36?

Brilliant-Block-8200 · 2025-11-28T03:05:40+00:00

I think a big point is that those men want very attractive women. It’s not that no woman is interested. It’s that no very attractive women are. I’ve asked this before in this sub, and got a lot of comments on how they wouldn’t date and are not interested in their ‘looks match’.

SeemedGood · 2025-11-28T03:00:33+00:00

Women are attracted to Dark Triad personality characteristics (Psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and Narcissism), and tend to be more attracted to criminals than they are upstanding citizens who contribute positively to society.

Maybe you have this wrong?

🧐

Neglius · 2025-11-28T03:05:57+00:00

It's also simultaneously if not more so easier to go unnoticed by women. Just takes a bit of passivity and/or not significantly standing out in the few instances where attempts are made.

Title	It's really not that challenging to get a girlfriend
Author	Equivalent_Use_5024
Upvotes	0
Comments	171
Date	November 28, 2025 2:52 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1p8jyvq/its_really_not_that_challenging_to_get_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/its-really-not-that-challenging-to-get-a.1567574 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567574

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