You just learned that your boyfriend won the lottery when he was 18 and blew it all on hot girls, paying their credit card debt, traveling on yachts, buying them designer bags and shit. Now he lives a frugal and modest lifestyle with you. How do you feel?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-01-21T22:01:05+00:00

edit: IF YOU ARE OLDER, scale up the hypothetical: He's a wealthy guy, shared finances with his first wife, lost 50% of his assets. Now he wants to keep strictly split assets with you, sign a prenuptial agreement, whole 9 yards.

when do 2nd wives EVER expect to be treated like 1st wives? you really cant grasp that no woman who has dated normally can think like this

LifterofThings · 2020-01-21T21:53:33+00:00

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Texastentialism · 2020-01-21T21:54:25+00:00

I don't care about yachts and designer handbags and I'm constitutionally opposed to anyone but me paying off my credit card debt, so it wouldn't bother me. If I cared about those things I would date a guy who was willing to do those things, whether he did it for someone else in the past or not.

Similarly (since I know this is what you're getting at), if a guy cares about hot pornstar sex then he should date a girl who's willing to give him that now, point blank period. I don't understand being fine with not getting something until you find out that other people got it. If you want the thing, find someone willing to give you the thing.

To draw another comparison that actually does apply to me, I have always wanted marriage and kids. If a guy told me he never wanted to get married or have kids, I would break up with him, because I'm never going to get what I want from that relationship. I wouldn't say "Oh well, I'll deal with the fact that he doesn't want marriage and kids, because at least he didn't do it with anyone else either." Whether he had a wife and kids before me would be immaterial to what *I* want from him *now*. If I'm not getting what I want out of the relationship, I'll move on. If anything the fact that he did it before and doesn't want to do it again would tell me he had a bad experience with it in the past, which sucks for him, but I'm not going to compromise on what I want for anyone.

It's about getting less than what I want, not getting less than what somebody else got. I don't think that way about anything in my life.

CatchPhraze · 2020-01-21T22:39:21+00:00

Id be out. Not because he treated some other women better then me, but because that level of financial idiocy doesn't vanish. Why bet my life savings on the notion he won't burn it on chatterbatte on a bender?

That being said if this is some gotcha about men being salty a girl had anal once or a hookup and made you wait you realize the mountain of difference between blowing millions and trying something sexually to see if it fits?

Repeatedly over spending is habitual. It's not the same thing. If he paid off a girls cc once or twice and realized it made him feel used and didn't want to do it? Id be happy to oblige. That's the real fair comparison. Not this bullshit.

mistresswhat · 2020-01-21T21:56:39+00:00

Shocker, a teenager had poor money management skills and blew his lottery winnings and learned his lesson the hard way. Rich person acted like a rich person, became poor and now acts like a poor person who makes a point of not overspending. That does not seem unreasonable.

ChadThundagaCock · 2020-01-21T21:53:53+00:00

I am the opposite of a gold-digger, but I am never going to be attracted to a guy whose identity is "frugal and modest," so I'd never be with this guy in the first place.

Edit: in response to your edit, do you understand that older women are more likely to want to keep assets separate than younger women? I wouldn't care what he did with his first wife; if anything happened to Mr. Ridgway and I lost my mind and decided to marry again, I would be the one agitating for the prenup, because I want to keep my assets, to include the late Mr. Ridgway's assets, in reserve for my children.

Barneysparky · 2020-01-21T21:47:18+00:00

I'd be really, seriously impressed.

brokegradstudent_93 · 2020-01-21T22:04:39+00:00

I wouldn’t care that I didn’t get the benefit but I would be concerned with his money management skills. If he blew all his money instead of investing and preparing for his future I’d be concerned. I don’t want yachts or designer bags but I also want a financially mature man. 18 and not very far off from 26 and idk if I would trust him with money after that.

Venicedreaming · 2020-01-21T22:19:36+00:00

Swings both ways, the person he is today is the present person. Past is past. As long as he doesn’t carry bad financial habits still with him, he should be fine as a mate. He, she whatever, cuts the same way. People grow a lot from 18 to 30.

Oh wait, this was question for woman lol

poppy_blu · 2020-01-21T23:55:01+00:00

The only relevant thing to me is does his current lifestyle match mine. If I’m frugal and modest, then we’re all good.

This isn’t really the best analogy for “she had sex before she met me, the ho!” But A for effort.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-01-21T21:57:21+00:00

I live a modest and frugal lifestyle so that part would not bother me. Plus you do dumb shit at 18 that you would not necessarily do at 25 or 30 or 40.

sublimemongrel · 2020-01-22T03:47:02+00:00

The better example is you learn he won’t commit or invest in you similarly. Like a divorced man who refuses to marry you. Stuff is less important IMO

alluringjustice · 2020-01-21T22:20:49+00:00

Wow an 18 year old who came into a lot of money wasted it impulsively on what all 18 year olds want? Let’s judge him for the rest of his life!!! I’d tease him about it a little but that’s about it. He’d probably have some cool stories, we’d laugh about childish ignorance. Everyone does dumb things when they’re young, as long as he loves me while we’re together now why would I care what he did when he was an 18 year old millionaire? It would probably be a pro rather than a con if anything because he would have really gotten it out of his system in a way that very few people get the opportunity to do so. The chance of him going through a mid life crisis would drop quite a bit. Expecting people to remain the same throughout their whole lives and treat their partners the same at 18 and 38 is just such a dumb way to look at life and disregarding people’s life experiences and growing maturity is so disrespectful and limiting.

Also if I was a dudes second wife and he lost 50% of his shit to his first wife I’d think he is an idiot who doesn’t learn from his mistakes if he didn’t want to sign a prenup with me.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-01-21T21:53:24+00:00

when he had a lot of money he behaved differently than he does now that he doesnt? like how would that even be remarkable? i only date poor men so im glad i met him now, im not compatible with the corny normie handbags and yachts lifestyle and we would have never met when he was rich. if he won the lottery now and wanted a handbags and yacht girl wed break up

i feel like you guys need to stop using the word "frugal" because it has super unattractive connotations, id date a penniless homeless man but not a "frugal" man yuck

SunflowerBurst · 2020-01-21T22:34:02+00:00

Why do I care what a dumb 18 year old did.

That said if he’s miserly and cheap now it usually indicates a sucky personality.

Bekiala · 2020-01-21T22:38:07+00:00

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azngirl7689 · 2020-01-21T23:38:17+00:00

I don’t care to be showered in riches so I don’t care. As long as he is kind and honest and a good partner, we’re golden. I care about the now.

Pola_Lita · 2020-01-22T04:12:52+00:00

If he can't do it, nothing will have changed except I'd have about 8 million questions for him about how that happened. If he won't, I wouldn't be with him in the first place. I'm generous and attracted to the same.

LittyKitsune · 2020-01-21T21:37:31+00:00

I wouldn't date someone who lived a frugal modest lifestyle to begin with.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-01-21T21:41:45+00:00

I’d feel bad for him and chalk it up to youthful stupidity. I’d be glad if he genuinely learned his lesson about what matters, and I’d definitely respect that. However if his frugality ever started to look like stinginess, especially toward me, I’d be out.

i_cri_evry_tim · 2020-01-22T00:42:40+00:00

Your analogy does not apply because a woman can get money on her own but the man can’t travel back in time to do all the alpha-fucking that he begrudges the woman for.

C0mpL1c1t · 2020-01-21T21:43:42+00:00

Like he learned from his mistakes and is making more mature decisions now.

teibe · 2020-01-21T21:48:49+00:00

I definitely have never felt like I was entitled to a guy's money because he bought stuff for women in the past, that's for sure.

the-red_woman · 2020-01-21T21:40:09+00:00

Hah he wouldn’t be my boyfriend anymore from the moment I found out.

Honestly i wouldn’t have even dated him in the first place. He’s clearly lacking in self-awareness, discipline and IQ which for me, are non-negotiable in a partner.

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2020-01-21T21:41:13+00:00

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whichbladeN · 2020-01-21T22:00:16+00:00

Oh I'd certainly feel like I was missing out.

If he's treating me like like I'm as untrustworthy as his ex, why is he even with me?

Maybelowsmv · 2020-01-21T22:34:09+00:00

Sounds like a fun story! i'd love to hear about his wild past

and sure, I might check how well he handles money right now for compatibility reasons. But at the time, he was jut 18 and does what 18 year olds would do

princessofdenmark__ · 2020-01-21T22:58:01+00:00

I’d probably feel sorry for him wasting money on shallow things and would be impressed that his priorities had changed.

NarniaFox · 2020-01-21T23:10:17+00:00

I know it's hypothetical, but we've met at 15, so we had almost zero past experience. And my husband wasn't stupid even at 15, he knew how spend and save money well.

If we had met later, I wouldn't have been too upset because of his bad decisions with money, if he learnt from it. But, as I've already said, he's very practical and it would be so way out of his character. I doubt I would have dated a guy, who was interested in IG models and yachts.

boomcheese44 · 2020-01-21T23:27:04+00:00

He would have to be a one-of-kind guy that I really loved. I doubt this would be the case though. Women don't want frugal, they want someone willing to share and provide, that would be the issue, not that he had a wife he spoiled way before I came into the picture.

goatismycopilot · 2020-01-21T23:34:42+00:00

My issue would be not that he had a modest income when I showed up but that he had poor money management skills, poor judgement, and then was dumb enough to tell me all this? I mean come on.

atlantisasalover · 2020-01-21T23:59:57+00:00

I find both ends of the spectrum unappealing. I wouldn't be with a guy who lived a "modest and frugal" lifestyle, I'm materialistic. But the thought of yachts and designer bags and blowing money on stupid shit makes me cringe. I'd just break it off. No offense to him, we're just incompatible.

Willow-girl · 2020-01-22T01:05:31+00:00

I can do frugal. I have yet to meet a man cheaper than my dad was growing up. Being older I don't think I want to mix money either. I make my own and have my own assets so a pre-nup is a good idea. Irresponsible and wasteful wouldn't cut it for me.

41013 · 2020-01-22T01:53:18+00:00

I feel like he learned his lesson? And hope he won’t backslide?

Bekiala · 2020-01-22T02:16:24+00:00

The split assets kind of makes sense when you are older specially if kids are involved.

The jaded part doesn't sound great.

p_and_q · 2020-01-21T23:13:53+00:00

I don’t think you have to set up this whole convoluted hypothetical to get the answer you’re asking for. It will always feel shitty to be treated as some kind of consolation prize. If man or woman do something special for one partner (even if they kind of don’t want) but won’t do it for you, that’s going to feel shitty. And if that person or observers can’t see that then they are missing a critical piece of empathy.

2020-01-22T00:14:09+00:00

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LittyKitsune · 2020-01-21T21:42:41+00:00

If he's genuinely changed and gives me no reason to believe he'd return to such idiotic behavior again I would feel fine.

pngmafia97 · 2020-01-21T21:41:03+00:00

Lol good for him, I’d wonder how he kept that a secret for so long. Probably has crazy stories.

My bf is 25 and both of us are financial stable and highly ambitious working professionals who have had very colorful youths filled with copious amounts of sex, drugs, dumbassery, so I don’t really care. Just another chapter in his book of previous adventures.

I’d also laugh at him and chide him for not managing to multiply his fortune through smart investments. He could have done all that and still retained a good amount, even never worked again, if he was more clever.

Edit: downvoted because it’s not the gotcha you wanted to hear? lol fuck off incels

GreenSatyr · 2020-01-22T05:13:13+00:00

I am not sure I agree with the point you are trying to make, but I bet you'll get answers much closer to validating the opinion you are looking for if you make the analogy identical but gender swapped - say is that the woman is frustrated and in a totally dead bedroom with a man and then she finds out that he had no problem having wild kinky sex with his previous partners at all, and when she asks why he can't have sex with her he comes back with something like "that was different" or "our relationship isn't like that".

LotBuilder · 2020-01-22T07:13:05+00:00

How about he still can, he just chooses not to.

Perfect question, I can hear the hamsters spinning.

Yithar · 2020-01-22T08:19:54+00:00

I understand you are trying to lead this into a AF/BB analogy and I applaud your effort but I am not too surprised by the responses. Like one of the problems with your analogy is women can get money by working. It is impossible to get the sex that the women gave away when she was younger. However, it is possible for hot attractive guys to get that sort of sex from 20 year olds.

I would like to clarify that yes a man can get sex from a prostitute or whatever, but maybe he specifically wants sex from this one woman. That is why the analogy fails. Money is money no matter what, but sex is not necessarily equivalent. And most people want sex to be a mutual endeavor. Prostitutes may not really enjoy it and might only be doing it with a man for the money.

Female_urinary_maze · 2020-01-22T10:40:12+00:00

Well if this is someone I've been with for a while I'd feel a little weird about that fact that I've never heard about such a big thing in his life before so let's assume that this is a new relationship.

Let's also assume that it's been quite a while since his big spending days because otherwise I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone who had been so irresponsible so recently.

But other than that I wouldn't be offended or anything. It's good that he's grown into a financially responsible person and has learned to set boundaries. His boundaries about spending money are probably the result of a lot of harsh experiences with other women using him as an ATM and it's good that he changed his behavior to prevent that problem.

He may or may not come to a point later in our relationship where he is comfortable spending more on anything for the two of us (ie a house or something if he still has some winnings saved up) but either way my main concern would be making sure that he feels no preassure about his money.

What kind of answers were you expecting?

Reisiluu · 2020-01-22T15:56:01+00:00

I would be shocked and disappointed that I had been dating a retard and would hope no one ever finds out.

FreakXAurora · 2020-01-27T15:48:20+00:00

People change, I’d be okay with it.

Willow-girl · 2020-01-22T04:20:36+00:00

Being frugal myself, I'd be glad that he got over that phase of life and is ready to join me in financial independence and debt freedom! :-D

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