Common shit tests and how to defuse them

tamrix · 2011-07-15T07:59:10+00:00

tl;dr Make everything a joke.

batshit_lazy · 2011-07-15T17:48:43+00:00

"I have a boyfriend."

Yeah, well, you look like the kind of girl that could use two.
- Johnny Bravo

Travv15 · 2011-07-15T14:44:07+00:00

Frankly, I lie about everything. I tend to make them pretty ridiculous, tho.

"Where do you work?"

"I'm an underwear model"

"Haha. No, really."

"I am offended."

I've actually had girls follow me to another bar and say, "omg, it's the underwear model!"

Talking to two girls:

Girls: "What are you drinking?"

Me: "Lemon daiquiri." (it was actually a screwdriver)

Girls: "Ooh, we wanna try!"

they try it

Girls: "Ugh, that's not lemon, you jerk" playfully

That one seemed pretty innocuous to me, but the way they talked about it on facebook and in text messages in the following days, it seemed like the highlight of their night.

crookers · 2011-07-15T06:10:18+00:00

"I think you have me confused with every other guy you've ever met."

Gold.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-07-15T15:19:18+00:00

I'm not satisfied with the advice that there are only two good responses, ignore or agree and amplify. I do like that document by Tyler, it give the rationale for your responses and gives a wider range. I see the good responses as:

Ignore. Cut the thread hard and change the subject.
Reflect it back on her.
Agree and amplify.
Reframe.

All of these responses have one thing in common: a state break. Tyler describes it as derailing her screening process. In all cases, you are breaking her frame, she is coming at you with the attitude of a princess, screening unsuitable guys. You don't play her game, you win.

So let's look at a that type of response. I am more of a proponent of the reframe type response. In particular, it works great when you can reframe the girl as the sexual aggressor, or as unsuitable and couldn't measure up to some standard she is trying to use on you.

Q: Are you a player?
A: Why are you so attracted to players?
Reversal. Also reframes her as the sexual aggressor. Totally reverses the frame she's coming at you with.

Q: I think you're too young.
A: No, you're too old for me.
Reversal. This grabs her frame and uses it against her, classic reversal. What can she say in response? You're using her own shit test against her. Result: state break.

Q: We're not going to have sex.
A: Woah, slow down there, Tiger, we barely know each other.
Reframes her as the sexual aggressor. I don't like the suggested "get your mind out of the gutter" response, it does reframe, but it's too much like a neg. This reframe works better since it is also a disqualifier. It also pre-empts her own disqualifier. It is generally better if the guy tells the giri first that you're not having sex, that's a disqualifier. But since she got the jump on you, you are making it clear you were thinking that before she was.

Q: How old are you?
A: You first, how old are you?
This is a special case of the reversal, "Make her jump through your hoop before you jump through hers." It implies that you're willing to answer an unreasonable question if she will answer it first. And the age question is undoubtedly more sensitive for girls than guys. There's an old etiquette rule that you never as a woman her age. She knows this, and her frame will be shattered by the reversal. She won't want to answer, but might feel compelled to, since not answering would give you the chance to not answer too.

There's another longer document by Tyler out there somewhere that goes into reframing in more detail, I'll try to find it. But I would recommend that you guys consider the reversal and the reframing type response carefully. Some of the best examples in the OP are close to these techniques. Your shit test responses will be even more powerful if you can use the reversal or reframe to grab control of her frame and cause a state break.

As a footnote, there are some special categories of these shit tests that require special tactics, like I Have A Boyfriend. These responses tend to be categorized as "Destroyers," like the IHAB Destroyer. This is a bit beyond the scope of this OP.

nuckingFutz · 2011-07-15T10:41:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Zamarok · 2011-07-15T12:41:41+00:00

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

No, I just know five or six girls who would be really mad if they heard me say that.

-borrrowed from Mitch Hedberg

theawesomeone · 2011-07-15T17:24:45+00:00

"I'm mad at you!"

"Ooh, say something angry!"

"How many girls have you been with?"

"I didn't know I was supposed to be keeping count."

"Do you do this for every girl you take out/date/etc.?"

"Sure, you can believe that if you want."

"You look like a player." or "Are you a player?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Do you think I'm fat?"

"I don't think it's a matter of opinion."

"What do you do for a living?"

"Stay-at-home dad."

"I think you're too young."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself... you don't look that old."

"Can you buy me a drink/do this for me/hold this?"

"No."

"Is that your line/routine?"

"Hey! Don't go off script."

"Aw, that was so sweet."

"I know, I'm pretty classy."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Why, are you interested?"

TakesOneToNoOne · 2011-07-15T14:08:09+00:00

Some of these answers are ridiculous and scream "Douchebag" to any woman with half a brain. Being Alpha does not mean that you have to be an asshole or turn each innocent question/comment from the girl into a pissing contest.

The "Guess", "guess", "guess" game can get old real fast. Also, I do not know a single confident person that would answer "I clone humans" to the question "what do you do for a living". Sometimes I think that this subreddit is full of 16 y.o. trying to pick up other 16 year olds. Do you have a gf? "Yes, 8". Seriously? And you consider that Alpha? That's immature as fuck and shows that you really have a problem with being single or consider being single something to be ashamed of.

I feel pity for those poor souls that go out with this kind of mentality, trying to meet women. It must be tiresome acting all the time like a complete asshole, especially when it is for no reason at all. Do women put out shit tests? Yes, they do. "Buy me a drink" is a classic one and you should have an appropriate answer. "Do you have a gf" is not. "That's so sweet, thank you", is not. "What do you do for a living" is not.

They are trying to make conversation and some of these questions posted by the OP are the first 5 things that a complete stranger you meet at a bar would ask.

Know the difference between Alpha and Douchebag.

oNrG · 2011-10-23T23:04:07+00:00

Tl;dr be a douche. A confident douche.

TomBurlinson · 2011-11-22T20:54:48+00:00

is it just me, or if you did all of the alpha responses, you'd just sound like a dick. im probably naturally beta, so i would use a few of these. but all of them? too much.

whenfingersbcumfists · 2011-12-13T20:35:00+00:00

lol i'm kind of a smartass like this but only to my girlfriend, couldn't do this to someone i don't know. though alot of these 'good' responses are the responses of an asshole lol.

no_dating · 2011-07-15T07:38:14+00:00

I'll pitch something in:

Do you have a girlfriend?

A girlfriend? No.

bobleplask · 2011-07-15T10:30:37+00:00

read all the alpha responses in Archer's voice

Jakegarr · 2011-07-15T06:17:41+00:00

"Aw, that was so sweet."

Holy hell, I didn't know that was a shit test. I always took it as a compliment.

Lightfiend · 2011-07-15T15:14:25+00:00

All banter is mild and playful sarcasm. Just say the opposite of what she wants to hear, then smile. Simple as that.

mynameisjonas · 2011-07-17T05:30:49+00:00

Do I/Does this [make me] look fat?

Take your clothes off and let me see first.

blackny97gsx · 2011-07-15T13:19:38+00:00

what do you do for a living? --pick up chicks in bars and swindle them out of their inheritance.

bawss · 2011-11-27T12:24:17+00:00

"Buy me a drink."

"No, who do you think you are?! I'll tell you what, how about you buy us drinks and I'll buy breakfast."

faceless323 · 2011-07-16T02:35:12+00:00

My favorite response to "I think you're too young." is:

Does that mean you're too old?

It's usually followed by:

her: I'm not that old

me: then i'm not that young

JannMDK · 2011-07-15T13:05:26+00:00

"Can you buy me a drink?"

I've seen to good responses to this or at least entertaining responses, since the drove the girl away in both instances.. The first was a friend of my then girlfriend. The friend went with another girl to a friend of mine and asked for a drink. He just looked them both up and down, and said, "I don't see anything worth paying for."

Another guy was asked the same question, and bought the girl a red soda. When she complained he just said, "Cheap drinks for cheap girls."

Tradman · 2011-07-15T06:26:28+00:00

"Can you buy me a drink/do this for me/hold this?"

"I think you have me confused with every other guy you've ever met."

This is so Boss.

BTW, OP, can you elaborate on why "Aw that was so sweet" is a shit test? I've had that said to me before when i do slightly nice things to girls who I'm not usually very nice to.

sonnyclips · 2011-07-15T19:49:56+00:00

Q. "Can you buy me a drink?" A. "Give me enough money and I can buy us both one."

2011-07-15T19:47:18+00:00

this is a valid approach.

i just treat girls like i would treat guys- i don't do anything for them i wouldn't do for a guy.

so usually i do more of an 'ignore' thing for obvious shit tests, i look at them like they asked a really weird question and answer and then move on.

also a lot of my response involve the phrase "your face." but that's just... my personal style. lol.

2011-07-15T22:20:24+00:00

What's a good Alpha response to "You seem like a nice guy?" or "You're not like him, you're a lot nicer."

TakesOneToNoOne · 2011-07-15T23:06:02+00:00

"Aw, that was so sweet."

It's (usually) a shit test because the woman would now be expecting you to do these 'sweet' things for her after a response like "Oh, anything for you!" or "Sure, no problem!" Give a response like that, next thing you know, they're asking for you to hold their purse.

BETA RESPONSES: "Of course, no problem." "Anything for you."

ALPHA RESPONSES: "Don't get used to it."

The "Alpha Response" for this one would make you seem like an asshole. Actually, I'll say that for a lot of the "Alpha Responses."

The purpose of being Alpha is to show you are calm, collected, witty, and in control, not about being an ass to every woman.

2011-07-15T16:08:07+00:00

"How many girls have you been with?"

Only three or four, but I've been with a lot of women.

metalhead4 · 2011-07-15T13:50:50+00:00

"We're not going to have sex."

Before my bf was my bf we were fooling around one night and I said something along these lines to him. His response was, while on laying on top of me half naked, "Oh, I'm not gonna sleep with you. Not tonight, anyway." Then he spent the next hour doing everything but sleep with me. My will power lasted exactly 23 hours after that.

asoap · 2011-07-15T14:33:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TrollyMcTrollster · 2011-07-15T20:43:15+00:00

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Sometimes...

asiandude123 · 2011-07-16T07:39:49+00:00

"Do you do this for every girl you take out/date/etc.?"

I heard quite a few people before suggest responding "only the cute ones." Is that beta? Does it really hurt to compliment someone every once in a while?

Nexlon · 2011-07-15T18:02:06+00:00

All the Alpha responses sound like something an asshole would say.

HeikkiKovalainen · 2011-07-15T08:08:14+00:00

Brilliant post, this is what we need more of. I would love to have a list of negs, disqualifiers etc. posted so when someone asks what they're about we can instantly refer them to some great examples rather reading through the theory.

Furthermore this really brings back the mindset we should be having.

Thanks!

2011-07-15T12:15:02+00:00

i was on my phone in the club/bar tonight( i know lame) and tried the ALPHA RESPONSES: "I think you have me confused with every other guy you've ever met." with a girl who i started gaming from early'er in the night ... all i can say is thank you, worked better than i expected, did it to her friend and number closed both. thanks again up vote you already know!

HumbertHumbertHumber · 2011-07-15T13:56:33+00:00

I know I'm guilty of a bunch of beta responses you've listed there. Excellent post.

2011-12-13T20:27:11+00:00

"Say something that isn't sarcastic"

rogue_ger · 2011-07-15T22:12:39+00:00

I think I need some clarification. Where's the line between passing a shit test and being rude? The "Can you do this for me" shit test response to me sounds just rude...

nevermind. i just realized that you only use these responses in a shit-test cricumstance, not when she's actually asking for help.

this is gold. thanks!

little_chickadee · 2011-07-16T07:14:48+00:00

I thought all of the alpha responses were funny/charming/disarming except for this one:

"Can you buy me a drink/do this for me/hold this?"

ALPHA RESPONSES: "I think you have me confused with every other guy you've ever met."

Obviously, it depends on the situation and how the question is asked, but I, at least, would be quite a bit put off by this response. Some responses that I've heard that I thought worked well were:

Why, what will I get in exchange?
I'll buy you a drink if you buy me a drink.
If I hold your purse for a minute, you'll be obligated to give me your number/go out with me/have sex with me. That's the rule.

(I don't know if any of these are actually good enough for repeat usage, but I've seen them work.)

priestofdisorder · 2011-07-24T14:25:51+00:00

What's a good answer to "Did you think this was going to happen?" while kissing?

SoInsightful · 2011-10-03T17:52:08+00:00

I don't remember who said it, but I'll paraphrase:

"I have a boyfriend." "Congratulations! I'm happy to hear that you've found someone to spend the rest of your life with!"

It should make her realize the imperfections of her current relationship.

warpcowboy · 2011-07-15T21:40:25+00:00

Her: "We're not having sex tonight." You: "We'll see. I'm stronger than you."

Am I doing it right?

Shotsnshots · 2011-07-15T12:39:03+00:00

I think you're too young.

Yeah, you probably couldn't keep up with me. Would be fun though.

LittleBigStoner · 2011-09-27T02:00:14+00:00

Im definetaly a beta... all those wasted years of woman... shit...

2011-07-15T10:54:19+00:00

Some of these are brilliant, but obviously they need to be used within reasonable situations depending on who it is. Not everyone will respond positively to all the "alpha responses." If you're playing a numbers game though most of these should work out.

Suckerpunch08 · 2011-07-15T14:02:34+00:00

How about when a chick calls me short, or "shorty". Any ideas?

niekze · 2011-07-15T15:15:01+00:00

"What do you do for a living?"

Well, until they cancelled the Space Shuttle, I was an astronaut. Now I'm the spokesman for Tang. I just love that stuff.

Astronauts are boss
It's utterly ridiculous
Astronauts love Tang
It's news relevant in 2011

idiomorph · 2011-07-15T19:15:52+00:00

|Do you have a girlfriend?

"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that." -Mitch H.

DoesBiteBack · 2011-07-15T19:35:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2011-07-15T21:18:05+00:00

"We're not going to have sex."

Sex? I was going for a kiss, slow down girl.

Sed5 · 2011-07-15T22:37:09+00:00

Hey fabio, I'd also add that shit test game topic, can anyone link it? I can't find it.

This topic is awesome, I love these specific advice threads*

Reminds me of the non-reactive game topic.

2011-07-15T23:48:24+00:00

I think guys should keep in mind that not eeeeeverything should be made into a joke. I mean, I have a sense of humor (and a pretty dry one at that), but if a guy did this to me every single time I asked a question, I'd get pretty annoyed (or maybe I'm just really attracted to beta males like Jesse Eisenberg, IDK).

I wonder if thiese responses work for girls/women as well. Don't see why they shouldn't...

pua_inception · 2011-10-04T04:40:33+00:00

"How old are you?"

My response? "I'm 17"

nolfar9121 · 2011-07-15T13:42:28+00:00

"I have a boyfriend."

"I have a goldfish"
"What?"
"Oh, sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesn't matter"

BRENDORVEGAS · 2011-08-14T23:29:52+00:00

The power of alcohol is your greatest ally.

JustANiceGuy · 2011-07-15T10:57:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2011-12-06T08:04:35+00:00

So, basically just be a witless asshole all the time?

thewetcoast · 2011-07-15T09:06:51+00:00

"I'm mad at you!"

"That's too bad, frowning causes wrinkles."

georgerdz5000 · 2011-11-20T08:18:06+00:00

For the i have a boyfriend, that happened to me. i was hitting on a girl wondering if she wanted to dance with me, and we were flirting hitting it off well and when i asked her she said i have a boyfriend. i immediately looked and her and said "oh really? where is he? and why isn't he with you?' she started laughing and said he wasn't there and danced with me.. got her number at the end of the night. ;)

opticbit · 2011-07-15T18:55:07+00:00

All this time the Alpha responses have been my first instinct or atleast an after thought. I usually think oh thats wrong to say, and come up with the beta response.

I've never gotten a girl I've gone after, I let them come to me, and that doesn't happen often.

vaporizor · 2011-07-15T12:47:03+00:00

Moar

2011-07-15T08:02:59+00:00

I guess we could summarize PUA as the journey from AA to A&A.

asiandude123 · 2011-07-15T10:22:06+00:00

There was a very similar post not too long ago that you will find useful here

notlurkinganymoar · 2011-07-15T19:52:57+00:00

I wish I could upvote particular ones. Also, I wish I could save posts.

warrenyang · 2011-07-15T20:24:21+00:00

There's a great post from Roissy that talks about dealing with common shit tests: http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/10/04/brushing-off-common-shit-tests-from-girls/

A few similar ones and a few other ones too

side2 · 2011-07-15T22:40:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DocFreeman · 2011-07-15T22:44:37+00:00

I'd be careful with the fat shit test. Even when smiling/joking, some women are hella insecure or shallow and can freak when someone comments even in jest.

darthluke · 2011-07-16T02:32:12+00:00

I did the beta response for "I have a boyfriend!" -- "Oh, I'm sorry!" and I went away, didn't say anything further even Was fucking pathetic now that I think about it, but she was the first girl I ever asked out and I was pretty elated afterward for just doing it. Obviously, in retrospect, I should have have said something to break the tension instead of just walking away (we kind of knew each other).

Question: if you are looking to ask a girl out for girlfriend prospects, not just hookups, then there surely must be girls out there, still hot and smart, that would be okay or even like guys that are respectful of their current relationships? Although yes, saying I'm Sorry as if you are extremely guilty is not a great response, but you don't have to go ahead and insult her boyfriend indirectly like the Alpha responses.

Again, this is for those you see long-term girlfriend potential in, not just a few hookups.

Ohioho · 2011-07-16T04:05:41+00:00

what what hey where here where who

hipnosister · 2011-07-28T12:29:55+00:00

Isn't a girl saying you look like a player like telling a girl she looks like a slut?

shoseki · 2011-10-06T01:56:02+00:00

"How many girls have you been with?"

Today?

RedErin · 2011-07-15T12:35:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

swishcheese · 2011-07-15T12:21:41+00:00

"You're cute

BETA RESPONSES: "You're cute too", "You're cuter"

ALPHA RESPONSES: "i know."

DoesBiteBack · 2011-07-15T18:22:54+00:00

TIL that, apparently, I've always given "alpha male" responses to most questiones ask me.

More interesting even, I don't score a lot. Meh, I don't try a lot either. Maybe it's because that.

2011-12-13T21:20:37+00:00

These are fantastic... use quite a few of these all of the time.

tdubya84 · 2011-07-15T13:17:01+00:00

"How old are you?"

A: Old enough to know better.

noveltycrosses · 2011-07-15T13:25:55+00:00

So the takeaway from this is to avoid direct questions, and joke instead. For other shit tests that aren't questions, just act like a bit of a jerk. Not over the top, just be alpha.

executex · 2011-07-15T18:22:04+00:00

"I think you're too young."

As a response to this, I go with: "That's why I came to you, I have a cougar fetish."

specialpatrol · 2011-07-16T14:25:04+00:00

So by "shit test" you maen a perfectly reasonable wuestion about your dating habits. And your recommended response is to avoid answering with a witty remark?

2011-12-06T08:14:51+00:00

Is prodding them more not OK, even if it's clear that you're totally uneffected by the shit-test? If they say "I'm mad at you", I don't want to merely end the interaction by coldly saying "Good" or something similar. I'll make it clear that I don't care, which I don't, but then I'll ask why and prod them a little, which gives me the opportunity to make jokes and get them laughing.

demonshalo · 2011-12-20T09:01:57+00:00

HAHAHA OMG! This is my type of thread! I can probably fill this place with stuff I usually say without thinking about it XD

weirdblood · 2011-07-15T23:57:17+00:00

This shit is retarded. If you memorize lines to say to girls, you are a tool.

Studying up on how to be alpha is the opposite of being alpha.

2011-07-15T16:42:36+00:00

age question - MY RESPONSE: Actually I'm 150 looks away, oh by the way did I mention I'm a vampire?

Valendr0s · 2011-07-15T16:32:40+00:00

How I would respond to each one to my wife:

"I'm mad at you!" - "Okay." <keep doing whatever I was doing>
"How many girls have you been with?" - (Tell the truth) "1st base: 10, 2nd base: 8, 3rd base: 4, all the way, 3... whatever it happened to be"
"Do you do this for every girl you take out/date/etc.?" - "I thought it would be something fun to do. This particular thing I don't think I've done before."
"Are you a player?" - "No"
"I have a boyfriend." - to wife: "Okay, please start packing and finding somewhere to stay. I'll process the divorce paperwork as soon as possible. I'm glad you found somebody to make you happy, please leave so I can do the same." - to perspective partner: "Alright, I'm not looking for a one-night-stand, nor am I looking to break anybody up. Thank you for being honest with me. I will go now."
"We're not going to have sex." - "Okay - was I putting something out there that would make you feel that it was expected?"
"Do you think I'm fat/pretty/etc.?" - "I tell you all the time how attractive I find you. That particular dress does do a strange emphasis on your tummy though, making it look like it could be bigger than it is. Maybe we should return it."
"What do you do for a living?" - to wife: "How do you not know what I do for work? We've been together for 12 years!" - to perspective partner "I'm an IT consultant."
"How old are you?" - to wife: "I'm starting to feel that you don't pay attention to me." - to perspective partner "twenty nine"
"I think you're too young." - "Too young for what? For you? - If you think I'M too young, maybe I don't want to be with somebody who is so immature to care about age."
"Can you buy me a drink/do this for me/hold this?" - "Sure."
"Is that your line/routine?" - "It would be pretty pathetic if it was..."
"Aw, that was so sweet." - "I do what I do when I do what I do."
"Do you have a girlfriend?" - "I'd never cheat on you, babe, you know that. It's not an option in my mind."

Title	Common shit tests and how to defuse them
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	679
Comments	324
Date	July 15, 2011 6:04 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/iq6nx/common_shit_tests_and_how_to_defuse_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/common-shit-tests-and-how-to-defuse-them.1320277 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320277

Comments

her: I'm not that old

me: then i'm not that young