Hello, r/seduction. This is an idea I've had floating around for quite some time now, and I'm just now finding the time to sit down and make a write-up of it. This is a guide on common shit tests and how to defuse them--simple as that. What she says, what not to say, what to say.

This is all up for discussion and I'm open to any suggestions, so please feel free to add to this 'shit-test response database', if you will.

If there's a shit-test that you don't see listed here, remember: agree and amplify or ignore. You can (almost) never go wrong there. ThrowawayPUA made an interesting comment on other techniques for responses that you can find here.

DISCLAIMER: Some guys here seem to be a little confused, so I'll clarify--some of these questions BECOME shit-tests depending on her tone, context, and personality. And the effectiveness of your responses all stem from the same things, so keep that in mind.

"I'm mad at you!"

This is a fairly common one. I've had this one thrown at me from both a serious and playful side (more often playful).

  • BETA RESPONSES: "Why? What did I do?" or "Hey, how can I make it up to you? What can I do to make it better?"

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Good." "Sweet, I like you better mad." "That's too bad, frowning causes wrinkles." "Ooh, say something angry!"

"How many girls have you been with?"

Again, another pretty common one. This one is deceptively innocent but can have dire consequences if you answer with a typical beta response. On the same token, answering this one with a more alpha response is always a home run.

  • BETA RESPONSES: "Oh, just a few. Maybe three or four?" or something similar

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Just in this last couple hours? I'd say three or four." "I've never even touched a boob before." "I didn't know I was supposed to be keeping count."

"Do you do this for every girl you take out/date/etc.?"

  • BETA RESPONSES: "No, just you." "No, you're special."

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Oh yeah, but you're the only one silly enough to fall for it so far." "No, I'm just practicing on you." "Yeah, like, thousands."

"You look like a player." or "Are you a player?"

Oh dear. This one gets thrown around a lot, as I'm sure many of you have noticed. This can kind of be a tough one--I can't tell you how many times I've seen guys fail here.

  • BETA RESPONSES: "Me? No, I'm not."

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Oh my God--that's the nicest compliment anyone's ever given me." "You mean like basketball, football, baseball? Yeah, I play those." "What is it about players that interests you so much?"

"I have a boyfriend."

Everyone has heard this one at some point. Most guys just eject and bail here, but it's always worth giving it another shot. Throwing out an alpha response here definitely takes some balls, but is generally worth the risk.

  • BETA RESPONSES: "Oh, I'm sorry!" followed by eject

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Oh, that's perfect--he can bake us cookies while we go out on adventures." "That's nice, well done." "That's okay, I'm not really the jealous type." "Yeah, so does my girlfriend." "Oh, so do I. Bet mine's cuter." (as you show a picture of your dog on your phone) "Your parents must be so proud." "Oh man, I'm so embarrassed. I thought you were a lesbian." "Are you allowed to talk to other men without his permission?" "I don't care." "We've only known each other for five minutes and you're already telling me your problems?"

There are a ton of brilliant responses to this one that I can't think of at the moment--please feel free to add!

"We're not going to have sex."

  • BETA RESPONSES: "Oh, I didn't think we were or anything."

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Who said anything about sex? I think you need to get your head out of the gutter." "Woah, slow down Tiger. We just met."

"Do you think I'm fat/pretty/etc.?"

  • BETA RESPONSE: is always to disagree heavily and do some major reassuring work
  • ALPHA RESPONSE: "Oh dear, you're filling up the entire room almost." "You're just huge..." "You know, I can barely stand to look at your face sometimes."

NOTE: Be SURE to be smiling and being a smart ass when giving these responses--it's all in the face and tone here.

"What do you do for a living?"

This isn't always a shit-test, but the woman is definitely trying to qualify you here.

  • BETA RESPONSES: long and boring story about crappy job

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Guess." "I clone humans." "Pick up chicks in bars and swindle them out of their inheritance."

"How old are you?"

Again, not always a shit test.

  • BETA RESPONSE: normal age

  • ALPHA RESPONSE: "I'm 110. I look young, right?" "Guess."

"I think you're too young."

  • BETA RESPONSES: blow out

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Yeah, I agree. I snuck out of daycare today and stole my dad's ID to sneak in here..." "Oh don't worry about it, I won't hold your old age against you." "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself... you don't look that old." "Yeah, you probably couldn't keep up with me. Would be fun though." "That's why I came to you--I have a cougar fetish."

"Can you buy me a drink/do this for me/hold this?"

A COUNTLESS amount of guys are willing to do this 'small' shit for women but the truth is is that it makes you seem like you'll wait on her hand and foot, so that's what she'll begin to treat you as--her butler.

  • BETA RESPONSES: "Oh, sure, no problem."

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "I think you have me confused with every other guy you've ever met." "No."

"Is that your line/routine?"

  • BETA RESPONSES: "No way!" "I don't have a routine."

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Yeah, I was practicing it in front of the mirror all morning." "Yup--your turn now." "Hey! Don't go off script."

"Aw, that was so sweet."

It's (usually) a shit test because the woman would now be expecting you to do these 'sweet' things for her after a response like "Oh, anything for you!" or "Sure, no problem!" Give a response like that, next thing you know, they're asking for you to hold their purse.

  • BETA RESPONSES: "Of course, no problem." "Anything for you."

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Don't get used to it." "I know, I'm pretty classy."

"Does this make me look fat?"

  • BETA RESPONSE: "Oh, no, of course not."

  • ALPHA RESPONSE: "Take your clothes off and let me see first."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

  • BETA RESPONSES: "No."

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "Yeah, I've got a couple roaming around here somewhere..." "Yeah, like 8." "A girlfriend?"

Addendum: TofuTofu made a great post on shit-tests, what they are, etc. that is located on the sidebar. Check it out. TylerDurden also made a very useful post on the subject that you can find here.