My wife is leaving.

BecomeABenefit · 2021-11-26T17:12:56+00:00

Good luck. My wife did this 3 years ago and left me with the 4 kids. Only after forcing me to sell our home, taking the kids all the way across the country, and getting rid of all of our household goods. I had to start over with just me job and 4 kids that depended on me.

Now she doesn't even pay child support and doesn't contact the children but once or twice a year.

It was all worth it. My kids and I no longer walk on eggshells all day. We don't have to hide in our own home.

You can do it. Be the adult. Life's not over, it just changed. Move forward every day and enjoy your new found freedom without her.

springy · 2021-11-26T13:21:21+00:00

Toxic feminism has made it socially acceptable, and even desirable, for women to play the victim and see themselves as heroes. There is so much mainstream "women are brave victims" and "men are evil monsters" propaganda that a woman breaking up her own family is praised rather than frowned on. If you dare frown on her actions, you are accused of "victim blaming".

The only possible comfort is recognising that huge numbers of men have been dumped in this way. It isn't at all personal, although it damn well feels like it when it happens to you. It is simply the toxic environment created by modern feminism. And the true victims are not the "brave women" but the families they cast aside to demonstrate their "heroic independence".

SerenityElixir · 2021-11-26T12:22:35+00:00

Let her go, let her self implode. There is absolutely nothing you can or should do to fix something someone else is doing their best to break, you will probably even make it worse. Be there for your children, and be safe in the knowledge that she will regret what she is doing to her family later.

BigBadBootyDaddy10 · 2021-11-26T13:23:59+00:00

My take. She’s rolling with a crowd that includes Divorcée, single and bitter women. They’re all feeding her this crap. And oh, she’s eyeing someone on the side. You don’t quit a job if you don’t have another lined up.

She’s still in La La land right now. Get an attorney and get everything you can.

There’s a story on YouTube (via Reddit) about a woman who threw everything away because she start rolling with some extreme feminatzi’s. It’s train wreck. But the guy came out on top.

dzkrf · 2021-11-26T12:27:54+00:00

Mate, it doesn't seem fair but it is what it is. You'll need to grieve the loss of a relationship as well as the shattering of your expectations and plans for life. Gonna take a while but not insurmountable. B Help your kids become adults, and look for your happiness too.

Ok_Research219 · 2021-11-26T12:33:59+00:00

The reality is a lot of married women are wrecking their homes in droves. That’s just the way it is man. She wants you to do the separation so it rids her of the guilt that she hit the self destruct button on her life.

randomdragen · 2021-11-26T12:16:04+00:00

im really sorry you are going through that

OwnerAndMaster · 2021-11-26T18:02:02+00:00

Bro

Your wife ain't your wife. She belongs to the streets

Stop thinking about her as your wife as more as an ex that you need to defeat in custody court

She wants to be free? Fine. But make sure you're getting primary custody out of it. She's the one leaving, not you

BuddhasRoadTrip · 2021-11-26T13:23:40+00:00

Mens Divorce Attorneys

Henry_Blair · 2021-11-26T17:23:36+00:00

Men and guys, please learn from his experience. Never date and never marry a woman with explicit feminist attitudes, even if mild. This would be like a black woman dating and marrying a kkk-sympathizer. They will hurt you, physically or emotionally, sooner or later, because they are truly incapable of regarding you as human.

daniellederek · 2021-11-26T13:12:02+00:00

Sell the house and divide amy financial assets now, get an agreement in writing that the separation is effective the day the money clears into each account.

Get custody agreement in writing.

Then get the divorce

Then go to court for child support if (when) her new fancy free lifestyle gets in the way of time with kiddos.

Be glad you made it to the youngest being 12. Most have the bomb dropped on them at kids aged 5-8, conveniently when the public school system gives them 5 hrs a day to freely seek validation online..... go figure

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2021-11-26T16:34:24+00:00

/r/divorce_men

Be thankful she's leaving without false abuse allegations. Mine made a /r/falserapeaccusations against me as a way to ensure she gets full custody and my house.

refaelha · 2021-11-26T13:20:33+00:00

Don't let her see you in pain. Continue your life, stay strong internet brother.

RingosTurdFace · 2021-11-26T18:11:35+00:00

My observations:

Women grant other women “YOLO” - live your best life, if you’re not happy move on girl.

However women apply responsibility to men - they’ll often label you pathetic and a commitment-phobe / a man-child if you break up your family to follow personal happiness and fulfilment over your wife or children.

My advice (and I admit it’s so easy for me to say this not going through what you are which I imagine is awful, but) - it’s almost certainly going to happen, if you let it break you she’ll look back at you and it will validate her decision - “look at what I left behind”.

You don’t have a choice. So look to make the best you can of a bad situation - lean into it, see the opportunity it may give and don’t let wishing for the past ruin the days ahead.

When she’s gone, focus on you, living well is the best revenge as a wise person once said.

NewsboyHank · 2021-11-26T16:36:17+00:00

I still laugh when I think about how "brave" my cheating, ex-wife was celebrated. Sympathies, brother.

RanchyVegbutts · 2021-11-26T13:27:08+00:00

oh absolutely, you'd be labeled lazy and not supportive by everyone close to you.

ZangryGrapes · 2021-11-26T17:40:07+00:00

Be glad she is gone. Find a real woman

Wafflefanny · 2021-11-26T13:27:52+00:00

Mate that fucking blows. Put your mind towards yourself and your kids.

The sad truth is nobody cares about happy men, they care about "good" men.

Methodless · 2021-11-26T13:05:49+00:00

If she's leaving you and not taking your children from you, I'd call it a win. Most men whose wives get bored get to see their kids twice a month, if she doesn't play games to make it worse.

A woman like this is probably wired to leave at some point anyway, if she's leaving all 3 of you, take the win, and don't try to change her mind, because the next time she has this idea, she may take the kids with her.

As for your question, no.
If the woman leaves, it's because the man isn't doing enough to keep her happy, if the man leaves, he's not man enough to fulfill his responsibilities. If your income is higher, you have to pay alimony; if her income is higher, you have to man up.

CrunchyNutFruit · 2021-11-26T14:41:42+00:00

My ex-wife of 28 years has come to the conclusion I'm a good father, man and husband. I've come to the realization "That's not my problem".

DavidTennantsTeeth · 2021-11-26T15:16:13+00:00

You’re not alone. I’ve been married for 12 years and have two girls, 8 and 3 years old. My wife left me last year. She made me do all the work as well. I made all the counseling and mediation appointments.

I’m going to be honest with you, it sucks. It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever had in my entire life. It’s definitely grief and it feels like I’m living with the death of a loved one. Except I still see her on a daily basis during our FaceTime calls with the kids. I can’t tell you how much I’ve screamed and cried or laid on my couch for hours staring at nothing.

Our relationship had been degrading, but I would never have left her in 1 million years. The promise we made to one another when we got married meant something to me and she meant something to me.

So know this, this is going to hurt worse than anything you’ve experienced. But you are in no way alone. There are thousands of men like us who were faithful for their entire marriage, loved, cared, provided, and in the end were tossed away like used up pieces of garbage.

You now have two priorities. Be the best goddamn father you can be, and be the best man you can be for yourself. Keep your house clean. Keep your body clean. Eat like shit for six months but know that that’s going to have to stop and you’ll have to start eating healthy again. Give yourself permission to not feel guilty about this. And find other men you can trust and ask them to hold you accountable to keep going. If no one else is there for you, I’m there for you. If you need my phone number for stranger to call and cry with or scream at you can call me.

Girl_Dukat_ · 2021-11-26T13:32:58+00:00

Eat, Pray,…Cats. She’ll be a bitter cat lady in ten years, still blaming everyone for her problems. Get everything you can out of the deal and aim for full custody. Don’t budge on this. You’ll likely get 50/50 if you don’t budge. If you ask for 50/50, you’ll end up with visitation and she’ll win full custody plus all the cash and prices women usually get in a Frivorce.

Flashy_Glove6208 · 2021-11-26T13:51:07+00:00

Lawyer up and separate financially asap then divorce.

She's in the fog and you're going to get the best deal now because in her mind this is needed to pursue her new lifestyle.

100% focus on you and your children. Be cordial with her but remember she's your enemy now in the divorce process.

Do not take her back after she gets ran through Chads and Tyrones who don't want to commit and comes crawling back to you.

throwawaybear61 · 2021-11-26T16:09:20+00:00

Divorce her. Get yourself tested for stds as she’s probably already cheating. Get those kids checked for dna. This is no longer the person you thought you were with. Probably never was. Time to act quickly. She wants freedom, give it ASAP. Go totally NC forever unless it pertains to kids or divorce issues. I’m so sorry for your troubles but she’s calling the ball so far. This marriage is over. Finish the paperwork. Time to regain the initiative and act.

EngineerStoned · 2021-11-26T15:28:39+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this dude. I agree with a lot of the comments on here.

Accepting that this is what she wants and letting her experience failure (or success) is my best advice. It sucks because you’ve invested so much time, money, and life. Could she have gone about it a more tactful way? Sure, but the result would still be the same.

Mourning the loss of a relationship is interesting. Taking time to yourself to wrap your brain around a new reality is going to take time. Take some time off work, have someone watch the kids, and reflect. If you’re not talking to a therapist I’d recommend finding one.

I don’t find it a crazy idea to be “free and happy”. Unfortunately, happiness is hard to maintain. Are you happy? Are you religious? Are you mentally healthy? This is a great time to reflect and think about what goals you’re going to be working towards next.

It is going to be hard to feel like you’re balancing everything. Things will slip. Prioritize wisely. Try to keep your emotions at bay (sans love for your daughters). It sounds crazy but, find a way to ‘detatch’ but still keep moving forward.

Not trying to downplay your feelings for her (if you still have any). Sorry if this post came off as insensitive.

Wishing you, and your family, well!

Trunksshe · 2021-11-26T13:58:45+00:00

I personally haven't been through this, but I have helped out a friend who had a VERY similar occurrence. Same book was involved too- go figure.

The ones here who are correct are the ones who are saying to get an attorney NOW. You need to be the first to go and they will guide you on what they want you to record and document. I'd go as far as to not reveal this to her either.

I know this is a heartbreak for you. This is definitely not easy and I'm so so sorry that this is happening to you. But I reccomend trying to just do ONE thing a day. One step at a time.

So, Monday, your first step is contacting a Divorce Attorney. And they'll tell you your next steps. Do you have ANY friends/family/allies that can contribute to assisting you in this? Even if they are just to help shoulder the knowledge, it can help a lot. I find venting about the situation and then following through with the "Step of the day" tends to be the easiest.

You have to look out for your future and your children's futures in this case. If you can show that she left you and is abandoning her post as mother, there is also a fair chance you could retain majority custody.

Again. This is going to suck, and I feel for you, but one step at a time OP. You can do it.

coolman20012 · 2021-11-26T12:31:14+00:00

try to set as much money aside as you can. otherwise she gets the house and all of the rest as well and you have zero to start over with.

Depressi-n · 2021-11-26T16:08:19+00:00

My mother did the same, I'm 22 now and she is living a shitty life compared to my dad, the only toxic person in our family was my mom, instead of being better, she leaved, she still asks for money and attention.

WeirdInternational46 · 2021-11-26T17:57:38+00:00

She will discover that, unlike in the fairy tale stories in that book, women who really run with wolves get eaten alive. Her future is dark indeed.

Insidious-Sid · 2021-11-26T19:07:42+00:00

Brother I've been there.

Here is some advice.

Get a good lawyer and get one now. Do not move any assents or savings.
Tell her you'll give her the divorce she wants and will not fight her if you get 50% shared custody.
Stay calm, but brace yourself. This will be tough and traumatic, but you'll get through it.
Gather friends, family and supporters and keep them close. Identify "former friends".
DO NOT argue or discuss ANYTHING in text or e-mail.
IF YOU ARE ANGRY ask to stop communication and go somewhere to deal.
DO NOT go into a character defamation war even if she starts one.
Never speak ill of her to the kids even if she does that about you.
Do not use kids as messengers or discuss the divorce in front of them.
Tell the kids they will still have two parents who will love them very much and have two homes instead of one. That it will be different and scary at first but not BAD.
Pray to god you handling this like the bigger person will result in her responding in kind. Mine did, and that's why I share this advice.
If she does respond in kind, let her know you appreciate it.
If she does go psycho-ex ballistic, document everything, keep your cool, and do what your lawyers tell you to do. DO NOT get into direct one-on-one arguments.
Remember that one day marriage and divorce will just be one chapter in your life. It may take years, but one day, you'll feel normal again. You will be yourself again.

Good luck man. I really hope for you and your children this will be a "less bad" divorce. No divorce is good. Try to make it "less bad" for not just you, but your kids especially.

Let your love for your children and knowledge of their best interests guide you.

Be the bigger person. Be the stronger person.

You can do this.

PS - I also went to my employer, explained what was happening and told them I was planning a "non volatile" divorce and would do everything in my power to make the impact of the divorce as minimal as possible. I tried to do as much divorce stuff outside of work hours as possible, and my employer gave me their full support and cooperation.

PSS - Playing the "Well, I didn't want this your mother did..." seems like an innocuous statement but it's extremely damaging. Always tell the kids the following go to line "Mommy and daddy still care about you both very very much but just can't live in the same house anymore and I know you can't understand all of this right now but one day you'll understand." Your kids will be observing the behavior of both parents in this and will make their own judgements. If your soon-to-be ex is telling the kids you're a bastard, for the love of god, don't prove her right. When you make a commitment to do something with/for the kids, never miss a beat. Having a record of what you do with and for your kids when they are with you is advisable. Keep a "happy journal" on social media of places you go, clothes you buy, food you prepare, and activities you do. You'll need to know the names of your kids teachers and doctors and step up in that area if she is doing all of that now.

rabatek · 2021-11-26T12:47:30+00:00

Let her go, just be careful with alimony and child support, we all know child support and alimony aren't for kids or helping but just taking money from men

0utsid3r1620 · 2021-11-26T13:43:12+00:00

Make sure she has to work 4 jobs to afford child support and still has to live in a shelter. She shouldn't get to walk away unpunished. No man would.

Erik-Grilla · 2021-11-26T19:53:01+00:00

She has left you after 14 years you lucky bastard mine won't leave after 27 . Now sobbing in my Beer

ArizonaRLS · 2021-11-26T20:07:51+00:00

My first wife left, I was awarded sole custody, and let me tell you it was tough being a single dad. It was worth it when my daughter said, "Dad is the one who raised us." First wife went through the large financial settlement, got into debt with the IRS, and died broke in a trailer park. Second wife and I have been married 33 wonderful years. First wife leaving was one of the best things that happened to me.

AsimpleLegoPiece · 2021-11-26T22:02:48+00:00

Delete facebook, lawyer up, hit the gym.

RedditMadeMeReddit · 2021-11-26T16:53:41+00:00

Marriage vows mean nothing when people leave relationships "because they could be happier" doing something else. This isn't someone worth trying to keep in your life.

lStriderl · 2021-11-26T13:02:03+00:00

Number one lesson in life, don't chase a Ho. If she wants to ho, let her go.

isleno · 2021-11-26T16:43:48+00:00

It never seems to be as simple that she reads a book and is now inspired to find herself. It seems like maybe she was just unhappy and decided to do something about it. That is where my justification for her ends.

You are 100% correct that if you were the one running off to find yourself, the same people applauding her would be crucifing you.

As I write this, I am wondering why that is. My first instinct is that in the past and in most cultures, men were expected to provide for their family while women were expected to nurture. On Maslow's hierarchy, a father's contribution is more foundational so to willingly remove it is to essentially condemn a family to squalor while removing the mother's is not, at least not as visibly. A family falling into poverty is visible and easy to define, while a house without care causes complicated and taboo mental anguish. These are all generalizations and there are plenty of examples of men being the nurturers and women the breadwinner, but culturally those are the roles and those traditional roles shape our judgements.

Anyways, get the best deal you can in the divorce. I'm cheering for you.

trimarandude · 2021-11-26T16:52:56+00:00

Have some champagne with her and celebrate her and your new freedom. She's trying to get a rise out of you. Lawyer up now, it's gonna get expensive

Normal-Yogurtcloset5 · 2021-11-26T17:35:11+00:00

Sorry to hear that, brother. My wife did something similar this past summer. Our twins want nothing to do with her now and we had a wonderful Thanksgiving with just the three of us yesterday without any unnecessary drama.

The wild thing is that my wife is a therapist who specializes in children and families. If her clients knew what she was like n her personal life she would be out of a job and her professional reputation would be in ruins.

JustBuildAHouse · 2021-11-26T18:36:36+00:00

Check to see if she’s cheating on you so you don’t get screwed in the divorce

NotBaron · 2021-11-26T18:39:19+00:00

Your only concern should be your kids.

Let her go, reality checks will get her and you should come on top, be strong brother, you can go through this.

djinthesmokys · 2021-11-26T19:10:18+00:00

I have been an attorney in both civil and criminal practices. PLEASE seek legal counsel BEFORE she does. With her behavior it doesn’t sound as though she is in the frame of mind to care for minor children. lf financial woes prevent this legal aid may be of assistance. If you do not seek to protect your and your children’s interests immediately this can and will backfire. I’m sorry but I’ve seen this quite a bit and it has nothing to do with feminism or finding oneself or any of that. This sounds like more of a mental health issue. I’m not trying to scare you but there are some things you really need to prepare. Keep a log of her untoward behavior. Should she become in anyway a threat to your children you will need to petition the court for emergency custody, Protect any assets . Think with logic not emotions. I get what it’s like to be left and have your heart broken but your children are completely reliant on you and they deserve your undivided loyalty. Courts tend to favor women regarding kids but this has been slowly changing since the 1980s. The best defense is a good offense

MediumCareless · 2021-11-26T21:27:20+00:00

I went through this. You need to strike now with a lawyer for custody.

ExSaviour · 2021-11-26T22:23:00+00:00

It takes a lot for a woman to step away from her children, let alone her family and husband.

My wife left when the kids were 10 and 8. She left with parallels, but more to live a different life. She didn't feel like the family life was the life she wanted. She felt trapped, and not life 'herself'.

This happens. Be it supported by society or others, a trend or a movement. What does it matter what got into her? The fact is, over all the complex attachments she has to her life, she decided to walk away from that. Let her go. For myself I had to fight for my marriage, but at some point it really became fighting someone to be who they are not. It was 12 years of marriage for me. I thought I knew her better than she knew herself, and in many respects I was right, but not about her absolute desire to leave us.

Life is better now. When I moved on, I focused on me and the kids. I did find someone. Someone actually amazing. My kids love her. My daughter loves her more than her birth mom. When my son sees his mom, she is happier, and I am happier. They have so much more good things in their life now with this situation, but it was a hard transition with a lot of tears. It took years of struggle. 2 of them.

Good luck. But my overall advice is to stop trying to rationalise some external influence that has caused this and focus on the fact that whatever it is or was, this woman has chosen to leave her family and that's not an easy decision so whatever her reason its a really huge life changing reason, not some easily changed notion.

ThatDamnCanadianGuy · 2021-11-27T02:49:38+00:00

Less reddit, more lawyer. Like today.

m-at-last · 2021-11-26T14:28:24+00:00

Consider flooding yourself with info. Books, podcasts, advice from your “panel” (trusted friends and family). Don’t focus on her and the “why”. Just focus on you and the kids.

If it gets ugly, and she fights for more than 50% custody, consider paying for an independent parental evaluation as part of the custody battle. If you go that route, make sure you are available to be home with the kids when they need you (i.e. don’t work long hours) and also show that you can cook healthy meals. Involve the kids when they are over with this.

Never trash talk your ex to your kids. Never ask them for information about what she’s doing. They’ll thank you for it later.

Stay strong, brother.

Patches0h00lihan · 2021-11-26T13:45:11+00:00

That's the great romanticism of a man pursuing his independence and freedom. When women do it, the world celebrates them. When men do it, the world shames them. To do it anyway, despite the entire world's vocal disapproval is, to me, the real display of bravery, the only true romanticism that even can be displayed because it intrinsically requires foregoing the approval of the whole world in favor of one's approval of oneself; after all, you can't be independent while being dependent upon the approval of others to maintain your mental wellbeing, now can you? That's real independence as it is dictated by the definition of the word, not the fluffy LARPing done by most who tout themselves as being among the few, the strong, the independent, because it's a catchy, self-aggrandizing slogan they've learned to assimilate and regurgitate ad nauseum. None of that is to say that breaking up a family for some lofty pursuit of freedom is good regardless of who's doing it, just that you're very right about the way in which it will be viewed depending upon whether it's her or you, and she's certainly going to receive a lot of social support for this decision by virtue of her gender.

Yes, if you did what she's doing, you'd be called a deadbeat and a loser. Yes, she will be vaunted as a hero and a shining beacon of strength and independence for it. This double standard will probably always exist. The opinions of others, however, don't dictate reality, and what people think of you is none of your business. You can control your thoughts, words, and actions, and very, very little else. Everything else has to slide, whether we like it or not.

If I were in your shoes, I'd shift focus to my children and do what was in my power to love and support them to the fullest extent. Wishing you luck.

Herpypony · 2021-11-26T13:48:33+00:00

She sounds like my mother. Your kids need you more than ever now so be there for them and you will have the greatest and closest relationship with them because of stuff like this. I just feel so bad for the kids because as someone who went through a similar experience with their mom the rejection they are going to feel is going to hurt a lot. I am still going to counseling just to cope with the fact that my mom left me and my dad. It hurts and I am sorry that you have to deal with this it's not fair for the kids.

revamped10 · 2021-11-26T16:18:19+00:00

All I knows is she’s gonna come crying back when she realizes that dude she wants to sleep with only wants sex.

VeteranOfDepression · 2021-11-26T16:38:33+00:00

Imagine telling those kids that their mom got divorced because she reads feminist facebook memes and is being pushed into that ideology. That's gotta hurt them aswell as you.

LoremEpsomSalt · 2021-11-26T17:11:57+00:00

Get a lawyer. Lock down custody. Protect your assets.

But no matter how unjust this all seems, no matter how much you want to say fuck it all, remember your children and that they love you and need you.

Trite as it may sound, be the bigger man. Don't be taken advantage of, but also don't stoop to her level. Maintain your dignity, set an example for your kids, look to maintaining and rebuilding your life for the long run.

If you need to, get therapy - yourself and the kids - they'll feel just as abandoned and discarded as you will, if not more.

Hang in there, you got this.

pfroo40 · 2021-11-26T17:39:03+00:00

As shitty as it is, you will be better off exerting as much control over the situation as possible. Divorces still heavily favor women in custody and distribution of wealth. If she wants out and gives fuck-all about how she gets it, take her up on it and protect yourself.

Also document everything she has and will say about it, because when things don't go the way she assumes, she will suddenly become more invested.

NoPersonality2680 · 2021-11-26T17:55:57+00:00

But....Oprah says it's OK to pull this crap.

PhantasyBoy · 2021-11-26T18:16:49+00:00

Sorry for your pain. She’ll probably come crawling back in a few years. Don’t even think about it.

Cplpunishment03 · 2021-11-26T18:21:28+00:00

This is unfortunately a story that is all too common. Trust me when i tell you….. they ALWAYS end up the losers in that story.

I know it doesnt feel like it, and the memories only hurt. But she did you a favor trust me

kurwarex · 2021-11-26T18:35:05+00:00

Read, Rollo Tomassi “The Rational Male” and Richard Cooper “the Unplugged Alpha”

Puzzleheaded-Wish398 · 2021-11-26T18:37:02+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP. Get a lawyer, legally soak her as much as possible, and continue to be a present father for your children. Years later, when your children admire and respect you while barely talking to her, she’ll wonder how the world could possibly be “so unfair to a free woman.”

Normie316 · 2021-11-26T18:53:43+00:00

Use this time to consult a lawyer and get your finances and assets organized. If the ship is sinking prepare your lifeboat in your favor as best you can. Make sure you get your kids in therapy because divorce is hard on the kids. Make it clear that if she does decide to destroy your marriage and family that you will not be taking her back. Women will often realize grass is not greener on the other side and try to string along their ex as a back up option. Don't let her use you.

mariof135 · 2021-11-26T20:11:17+00:00

Don't ever take her back, she is going to end up alone and depressed and it will be a mistake.

dsphilly · 2021-11-26T21:19:33+00:00

Wife just left me too bro(12 year relationship,6 year marriage) and took my 5yr old son, let me know if you need to talk.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer and while posting "inspirational" videos on facebook and Tik Tok about how she isnt letting it get her down. The day of her Birthday we went out to dinner and that night I kissed her and said I love you and good night. Woke up and left for work the next morning... that was the last night I ever slept under the same roof as my family. Moved only her and my sons clothes into her parents while I was at work talking about how Ive been holding her back. Expected me to pack everything up and bring it to her as well as clean out and move the entire apartment... she was pretty pissed when she showed up to all my stuff being gone, the landlord changing the locks and her stuff outside in the driveway

BeastmodeAzn08 · 2021-11-26T23:36:04+00:00

This is so similar to the post of a wife telling her family she won’t be cooking thanksgiving the Monday before thanksgiving. All because she sucks at communicating with her husband, and now she feels like she’s to be praised for putting her husband in a panic to make sure the family has a good start to the holidays. Vindictive and unnecessary just to feel empowered. It’s sickening.

rickmackdaddy · 2021-11-26T12:47:14+00:00

You can’t see it now, but you are going to be so much happier not long after she’s gone.

Starship_Captain01 · 2021-11-26T14:00:32+00:00

My wife now feels like she needs to, “be free and happy.”

haha! She will soon realize that guys don't want her long term, maybe just a poke here and there. In a year or so, she'll have such deep regrets she'll try to come running back, but will fail, because you won't give her the time of day at that point.

So far she’s seen support from all who know this news.

Yup, women encourage other women to do something to set them "free", but really, she's falling for this fallacious conspiracy theory and will only meet failure. How old is she? I'm assuming way past 30... if not 40, yea? Reality check.. you should NOT block her on FB. You want to see updates.. you want to see the pain, because it will be coming.

Hell, you should probably document all of it, collect all of it.. and then do a massive update later with this info included. It would make for one hell of an entertaining story.

Kindly-Town · 2021-11-26T12:26:45+00:00

Earn hard money when she leaves you. Your achievements are the best payback.

DecimatingDarkDeceit · 2021-11-26T13:01:07+00:00

be free and happy

Those words are,n unfortunately, equalivent to that she will go and live 'her wild 20s' as if that is a carousel ride

coloradocaniac · 2021-11-26T13:13:06+00:00

Build the best life you can for the remnants of your family. NEVER take her back.

Fafurion · 2021-11-26T14:41:35+00:00

This is going to become one of those many stories you read about the woman thinking the grass is always greener on the other side, leaving their husband/family to be 'free' etc then regretting it hardcore and blaming it on everyone but their own actions.

Groovy66 · 2021-11-26T14:58:04+00:00

I’m guessing you’re around the 40 to mark so let me tell you, looking back from 55, you’ve got some of your best years ahead of you

Work out what you want from the rest of your life and go for it. If it’s women you like, the dating apps are a godsend

If it’s travel, it’s only a few years till the kids go off to work or Uni

Plan the next five years, set yourself whatever farthest you want and most of all: ENJOY

You are going to have a fantastic time of it 👍🏻

icepigs · 2021-11-26T16:03:39+00:00

Before my divorce, my ex started seeing a guy at her office. She said "he gave her butterflies". He told her she was pretty.

I told her every day for 28 years that I loved her and she was beautiful. (Yes. Every Day). But when I said it, it no longer held meaning.

What she was looking for was someone else to tell her these things.

So, now we are divorced. And my kids (23 and 19) want nothing to do with her.

The guy she left me for at her office wants nothing to do with her. (he was married and SUPRISE - he didn't leave his wife to be with my ex).

She's just living in the shit show she created because she refused to be happy in a great situation.

PracticalPlastic4123 · 2021-11-26T17:18:53+00:00

Give her the divorce and sleep with as many women, sex workers and sugar babies as you can, I'm talking Thailand, Japan, Philippines until you hurt your hip. She will probably come back when she finds out her dating pool shrinked and finds no one wants to "get to know her". If she comes back and you want to make it work at the very least you know you had a way better time in your off time than she did.

Look, there is realistically no way to stop the divorce idea out of her but at least try to protect some of your financial assets WHILE making yourself look like the distraught good husband.

Formal_Professor4346 · 2021-11-26T16:18:08+00:00

Don't mess up the legal process. She hangs out with wolves and will destroy you with anything they can. Get a good attorney, keep your head straight, communicate very well with your kids. Best of luck.

Genti2197 · 2021-11-26T16:22:52+00:00

Women are less designed for monogamy than men.

SamaelET · 2021-11-26T16:27:22+00:00

Fight to get your children 50/50 and to not lose too much money. You lost nothing since she doesn't value you anymore.

New_Uke · 2021-11-26T16:27:35+00:00

im sorry to hear this, i hope that you can at least get custody of your kids

cuckmysocks · 2021-11-26T16:37:09+00:00

Have fun being free when she's tied to the kids location and yours. She's the one that left. Now she'll be in a shit tier situation with less resources. Kids will resent her and her life will suck 100%. Seen it

comfort_bot_1962 · 2021-11-26T16:49:04+00:00

thank you for the edit as I find a few on reddit never get back... shows what sort of person you are :)

ssebastian364 · 2021-11-26T16:53:50+00:00

You will probably be good without her if she has second thoughts. Consider spending 15 more years with your wife while she thinks she is doing you a favour. Just cut the losses and start fresh. It's much better for men out there than women when it comes to dating. You already have kids you can love and will be much more easy to deal with them without all the drama that comes with your wife. Hope your financials are well taken care of so that it won't restrict you from cutting ties. I know it's shitty to think you are not wanted , but the issue is with her not you. Move on and find someone intresting.

Moranth-Munitions · 2021-11-26T17:16:53+00:00

It’s because she is having a mid life crisis from the sounds of it.

ntkwwwm · 2021-11-26T17:39:12+00:00

Don't just get a gym membership, get on a bodybuilding lifting plan.

Your self esteem will benefit from getting stronger and she'll feel like shit when you get some young arm candy

Borgheu · 2021-11-26T17:59:02+00:00

Hang in there king

WinTheDell · 2021-11-26T18:05:48+00:00

So sorry this is happening. Some good reading

I love you but I’m not in love with you by Andrew Marshall
My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Anymore by Andrew Marshall
Husband Help Haven Website.

The Husband Help Haven podcast is particularly good. Listen to the first episode ASAP to give a quick overview of what is happening and stop you making things worse!

You need to make sure you have the best separation you can, so you either fix things with your wife or smash on with life in the best place you can be. Everything is going to be fine!

Doc_Steelhammer · 2021-11-26T18:25:50+00:00

Bro you are better off without her,what you need ia a God loving Woman not a Woke fanatic

Oberon_Swanson · 2021-11-26T18:52:23+00:00

Lol have you and your lawyer plan the separation then. Don't bother trying to share custody with someone who doesn't want it. The kids losing their mom is gonna suck, but being around your mom after she told you your existence isn't convenient for her and she'll only be your mom when she feels like it, isn't having a mom either.

Dan_H1281 · 2021-11-26T19:03:51+00:00

U need to get a diary and write down every little thing that could be used in court if she misses a visit with kids or if she says something stupid date and time stamp this, it helped me win custody of two of my kids not even half custody full physical and legal custody

McFeely_Smackup · 2021-11-26T19:10:09+00:00

a couple of years ago my wife's best friend did the same thing, just decided that she needed to be not married and free. Now she spends her evenings drinking wine, her kids have emotional problems, and she complains constantly about what an asshole her ex husband is to her.

Gee, imagine that...the guy who had a great life is resentful of the woman who burned it all down on a whim and screwed up his kids lives in the bargain. What does he have to be upset about?

koiRitwikHai · 2021-11-26T19:13:17+00:00

Try to convince her. Talk to those people who you think are influencing/brain-washing her. If toxic/radical feminism on internet is responsible then take her on vacation, away from internet. Let her talk to women who took such a drastic step in the past and later regretted it. Be comforting, and caring as much as you can.

It must be a tough a time. Pull yourself up, and tell her how you feel. If nothing works, then let her go. Keep meeting your children. Eventually she might understand. All the best.

Kenznottz · 2021-11-26T19:27:06+00:00

When people do this it’s fucked on a different scale. She put her own happiness before her own kids. Disgusting.

Ravore · 2021-11-26T19:31:14+00:00

Excuse my curiosity Op but how old is your soon to be ex-wife? A lot of these women don't realize that life isn't the same as when they were in their teens to their 20s. A lot of men will of course have sex with them but they will not partner with someone that has kids already and doesn't want to give them more. Her leaving you is placing a huge financial burden upon herself as well later in life because she will very likely not have a mate to help her survive the times. Such a stupid move on her part if it really is how you write it. Dating isn't fun. Especially when you're at a new car show and you're a used car with marks.

PhysicsAreALie · 2021-11-26T19:35:21+00:00

Lawyer up and take everything. She put the nail in her coffin when she handed it all over to you. House, money, kids. Let the next chapter in her life have a fresh start.

faintingoat · 2021-11-26T19:35:42+00:00

aside from you, her decision will have deep, lifelong consequences on your children. in ten years, you will be fine, but your children will still have ptsd from what they re bound to experience.

wtfcakex · 2021-11-26T20:33:50+00:00

Yeah this woman empowerment movement is kinda cringe and there’s more and more stories like this every day. Here’s my favorite. Lady thinks she can do better when she’s perfectly happy and ends up miserable and alone.

Upset_Ranger_3337 · 2021-11-26T21:18:22+00:00

As a woman I try to callout toxic feminism as much as possible, its harmful to actual feminism and the men who suffer because of it

yesjellyfish · 2021-11-26T21:51:45+00:00

She just means she doesn’t love you any more. Sorry.

mcove97 · 2021-11-26T22:21:05+00:00

Just to take another take on it. Why would you wanna be with someone who doesn't wanna be with you anymore? I sure wouldn't. You should be relieved she is showing her true colors instead of faking interest in a relationship with you for security or other reasons. Since she is focusing on what she thinks is best for her, so should you.

According-Sock-9641 · 2021-11-26T23:00:22+00:00

Divorce her and don't look back!

itsthisausername · 2021-11-26T23:07:01+00:00

1 in 2 marriages end, or 41%

jhinnn44 · 2021-11-27T00:12:14+00:00

Let her go and enjoy your life with your kids and a new woman

ResidentEvil1619 · 2021-11-27T00:17:00+00:00

Congratulations. I would buy you a steak dinner if i knew you. Or I can just cash app you 200 so you can buy it yourself

T0tallynotreptilian7 · 2021-11-27T00:55:52+00:00

Fear and loathing in Las Vegas is a damn good book

PinkyCloudfoot · 2021-11-27T02:20:42+00:00

One of my best friends did this to her husband. Luckily there were no kids involved. She was constantly unhappy with her husband for the most trivial things. I tried to coach her through it and encourage her to figure it out. He was a good guy. She couldn't see it.

She started cheating. I had to distance myself from her after that because cheating makes me physically ill. My dad was a serial cheater and I saw what it did to my mom.

My friend finally cheated her way into a divorce. She contracted herpes about a year ago and now a lot of guys want nothing to do with her after she discloses it to them. Can't say I feel bad for her.

Karma is a bitch!

I wish you the best in your (and your kids) future. 🖤

No-Feedback7437 · 2021-11-27T02:20:57+00:00

She sounds conceded and selfish there was time when couples would resolve issues by talking them out

drsugarballs · 2021-11-27T05:37:19+00:00

If you’re in the USA…Your focus now should be the children and maintaining your presence in their lives. Your ability to get 50/50 custody hinders in your next steps. She has tossed it away, not you. You can morn the marriage later. Now you must prepare for war. A silent Cold War. You have to be strategic. Do not move out of the house whatever you do. Start keeping a journal of your time with the kids. You’re the one that helps take them to school and homework etc etc. keep it off site and hidden. Find a digital recorder it may save your ass, as it saved mine, if she decides you beat her. Document assets. Get everything together and then make a settlement offer. Quietly find the best custody attorney in town. Don’t file yet. Offer to draw up the papers. Be generous in your settlement. Money can be re earned but your time with your kids will be lost forever. I know. Use her guilt and her new freedom as leverage to get your children. Offer to keep them and baby sit now while she “goes out” and “is free”. Write in the hell down. Lock down a custody agreement. And remember nothing is in stone until the judge signs the papers. You have to be ready. Morn later. Be a man now. And keep it in your pants until the divorce is final. A scorned and vengeful woman is like a wounded animal. They will lash out and the pain they can cause you can last a life time. Men don’t leap off the roof with their children because the woman was nice and fair during divorce.

Mrky859 · 2021-11-27T06:11:00+00:00

Married women listening to single women is a real thing and confuses me

Aiwass_the_voice · 2021-11-27T09:00:22+00:00

I think you should use this chance to be free and happy as well. If people talk behind your back about it, tell them to say that upfront to your wife who did same thing and destroyed lives of your children who now have depression (I hope they don't I am just saying for dramatic purpose).

Enjoyeth thy Life for thy only has one.

Thepenusflytrap101 · 2021-11-28T05:42:29+00:00

I am so sorry this is happening to you, you are an incredibly brave and strong man to go through this. You do not deserve such pain and I hope your children motivates you to be happy. Let her go, even if she stayed she probably would have harboured resentment towards you. You deserve better ❤, please do not lose hope I urge you to see out therapy if you can. Talk about your issues, this is already a good step that you are reaching out. I appreciate your tenacity and courage to speak up about this.

You have so much more to live for, your kids, your purpose. Things might seem blurry now, but it will get better , you will realise you never needed anyone but yourself. We only have ourselves to depend on in this world. Give yourself time to process and grieve , get a fantastic lawyer who would do just by your and give you custody of your children. I wish you nothing but the best.

LeoBites44 · 2021-11-26T13:58:38+00:00

She will regret doing this, but there’s probably no way to stop her at the moment. So you need to keep yourself mentally healthy and as strong as you can because you are the stability for your children. As hard as it is, it’s best if you find a good lawyer and seek guidance and representation. Sorry you’re experiencing this.

tiredfromlife2019 · 2021-11-26T14:42:47+00:00

Forget about her and focus on yourself and your kids.

Infact, by leaving she is doing you a favor as at least she is not cucking you.

BiggerFrenchie · 2021-11-26T14:47:13+00:00

Child support, don’t fuck this up if you’re the one filing and keeping the kids. They figure out the implications of their actions really quickly once they realize they have to pay, even if they don’t have a job yet.

susfusstruss · 2021-11-26T16:05:50+00:00

number one indicator of a divorce is if the woman has friends who recently divorced

don't bother with the separation and reconciliation ... talk to a lawyer and hand her the papers

Brisingr025 · 2021-11-26T13:40:56+00:00

Please don't ghost the comment section OP. We need to hear your side.

DaftV · 2021-11-26T13:42:07+00:00

Not only is she ruining the chance of your kids having a normal childhood now, she's also doing it because she was bored of this life. She won't see it right away, but her life as a whole, if not at least your family life will degrade significantly. Try to raise your kids like a good man would do, and let her find her road in life, wherever that may lead. As a kid that once went through this same ordeal, trust me, your children will love and appreciate you in the future. You are their biggest help and support

Mantequilla_Stotch · 2021-11-26T15:32:03+00:00

Do not file anything or sign anything. If you are the one handling all paperwork, she could claim you want the divorce in court and since you're the one filing everything, it will seem that way, and since YOU want out, she may keep the kids, house, and everything you own. Be careful how you handle this on OP.

Edit: my wife just agreed with me saying she's being sneaky to get everything out of you and squeeze you dry while being "free" to see other people.

Rol9x · 2021-11-26T15:37:13+00:00

My ideas related to this:

Get a good lawyer and see what your options are. Protect your property and do not give her anything beyond what it's legally hers.
See what type of custody you can realistically get and push for more, but be ready to accept the legal limits.
Continue to work and work on you, too. Study, work out, be active.
try to get in touch with friends and family. There will be difficult times ahead and you will need all the emotional support you can get.
The most important thing: stay safe and stay sane. I know it's a lot but it is the most important thing!

If you dont have anyone you can trust with your pain caused by this situation, DM me. I've went through this many years ago and I know how bad it was not to have anyone to trust or to talk to... There were days when I thought I wouldn't make it... Now it's all in the past and I can afford the luxury to talk about those days and to listen to those who go through something similar...

Good luck with all these changes, mate, and stay strong!

banditt2 · 2021-11-26T15:39:58+00:00

It’s a total double standard

craigske · 2021-11-26T15:56:37+00:00

She should move out. Leave the kids. She wants freedom, no?

theOverword · 2021-11-26T12:46:08+00:00

At lest she wont take the kids.

noserotonyn · 2021-11-26T14:05:05+00:00

Do not apologize for anything, do not look for guilt or what you should have done differently, understand that nothing could have saved your marriage and from there on take your half of the stuff and be you the Free and Happy

billyengland · 2021-11-26T14:27:32+00:00

Bro, may God be with you during this time. I say take her to the BANK. DO NOT let her get her way with anything. She's the one that's filing, this is her decision. I say DESTROY her.

DymondHed · 2021-11-26T14:28:26+00:00

i'm sorry you're going through this. i wish you the best

Anforas · 2021-11-26T14:31:41+00:00

Good for you my man. It means she didn't really love you. Now you see the actual truth. Just absolutely tragic that a lot of people do this after years and years of faking it so they have some comfort in their lives. I've been through the same. It was absolutely heartbreaking and some of the worst years of my life because I was so attached, and didn't know any better. Stay strong, find your true self and what's better for you, at all times.

xsplizzle · 2021-11-26T14:32:09+00:00

So if she decided she wants a divorce and considering the partner isnt abusive or a cheat or something is still likely to get a large alimoney cheque? Is a good enough reasons 'eh id rather have half his money now and a large chunk of his future earnings without having him around' enough of a reason to be given alimoney?

Daman_1985 · 2021-11-26T14:53:54+00:00

No, that "be free and happy" it's only saw as a good thing on the female side by the actual society, unfortunately. You know, the double standards.

I'm sorry for the situation but you have to see it on the positive side, she is doing a favor to you. Now you know the type of person she is. And could be worse judging a lot of the stories I read on reddit, she could cheated on you for example.

Now you can focus on yourself and your children. Probably in the future she will regret her decision but you have to follow your own path.

Known-Analyst4198 · 2021-11-26T15:10:03+00:00

Don't fight it. Enthusiastically let her go...do it with a huge smile on your face if you have to.

If 80% or more divorces are initiated by women, it is inevitable for what is happening to you to be the case.

The reality of what is waiting out there for her is usually never what it is cracked up to be.

Just don't let her break you. Stay strong.

ManofGod1000 · 2021-11-26T15:31:58+00:00

You need to read these books: No more Mr. Nice Guy, Free Agent Life Style and Coach Greg Adams DeEvolution. You need to stop any nice guy stuff immediately and be proactive. I know you do not want what is coming but, you must seek out and lawyer and at least start proactively doing what needs to be done.

You cannot make her do anything but, do not let her walk all over you, do not give in and do not be a "nice guy" anymore. If you do those things, she will lose total respect for you and that will be the end of that.

Edit: I am going to put it bluntly, there is going to be a lot of good advice and advice that simply sounds good. Your marriage may already be over and she may already be Fing another dude, investigate and check for red flags. All I am saying is, you are already in a bad spot, do everything for you and your kids, she made her choice so let her suffer for it.

Meaning, get that lawyer NOW and do it. (Yes, having it happen around the holidays sucks and I feel for you. However, do things logically regardless of what your feelings are telling you.

lord_of_memezz · 2021-11-26T15:37:10+00:00

Man I am sorry to hear it brother! She probably been rolling with modern feminist women online or other places for a while now and got brainwashed like so many women before her. She is ready to give up a future in a loving family to "be free and happy" which just shows mental instability. You are definetly right she is in denial but this could be a win for you....

she seems to want you to do all the planning which means she has no plan of her own which means its now time to get mean. She gave you up in her mind already so you have to do the same. Start with getting all you paperwork in order with finances, close off all joint accounts, get a laywer, start recording important conversations you have with her and any domestic abuse she does to you if any, tell your children exactly what is going on right away, and do whatever you can to safeguard your future which includes shelving your emotions for her.

I dont know your exact situation but I have seen several friends get taken to the cleaners because they did not act fast and let emotions guide them. Take care brother and stay vigilant and remember women age like milk and men age like wine you have time on your side and she does not.

24cce57a · 2021-11-26T15:51:12+00:00

I understand your pain more than you know; I have children, too.

Some things in life are outside of our control, and it fucking sucks. There is no positive / good answer to these horrible things. I'm pretty close to just self-deleting, because my situation keeps getting worse and worse and worse every day.

I guess the only positive thing, in your situation, that I could point out, is that you're free from a non-committal bitch. And hopefully you still have your children, maybe?

I haven't seen mine in months, and she's directly violating the court order with ZERO consequences. I'm fucking livid.

viikoko · 2021-11-26T16:12:29+00:00

She's not mature enough to hold on to a family. The trash is taking itself out. Is she with "new friends" now?

JayMeadows · 2021-11-26T16:13:19+00:00

Another man fallen on this supposed happy holiday.

Good luck bro.

You, me and two other friends of mine are dealing with some spiteful and entitled women ruining our lives. All I can say is if you're losing grip, then let it go and move on if you can.

I've given up on seeing my kids again. So long as the law sides with her and she refuses to compromise, there's no point in allowing this suffering to continue.

Just take the child support and let me be, damn woman.

NonnyNu · 2021-11-26T16:44:23+00:00

What would happen if you said yes to divorce but no to the planning? I mean, she wants it, so she should plan it, right?

MasterAdCloser · 2021-11-26T16:55:38+00:00

I think that it’s a stupid reason for her to divorce. Try to explain the effects that her actions will have on the the rest of the family and kids. If she really, truly does insist on leaving, then get a lawyer.

Pdarker · 2021-11-26T17:05:22+00:00

Go get u some strange player. You sound like u deserve it

RedSander_Br · 2021-11-26T18:40:04+00:00

Try to convince her to do some couples therapy before the separation.

Asclepius17 · 2021-11-26T19:03:31+00:00

I’m sorry man. My parents had a rough divorce and it made it difficult for me to consider marriage myself. Overall though, consider it a strength that you are doing most of the planning. At least you are not being blindsided, accused/slandered, or manipulated. Put your kids and yourself first because that is all that matters at this point.

GenSaltyPants · 2021-11-26T20:48:58+00:00

All this advice might seem extreme now, but it's spot on. It's hard to come to grips with the new life thrust upon you and it IS totally unfair. But this brotherhood has been through this countless times, me included, and all of this advice is solid and appropriate.

RP_Fan · 2021-11-26T21:12:09+00:00

Get the best attorney you can afford. Be as candid with them about your situation as possible. Follow their advice exactly. Move forward and make the best of what's left of your life. Anyone who would behave this way is not worth having in your life. Period.

Ddad99 · 2021-11-26T22:10:00+00:00

"As your attorney, I advise you to start drinking heavily."

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

badmother · 2021-11-26T22:25:08+00:00

Who's paying the mortgage? If you are, she will claim half of everything you pay off of it with your own money. Get advice asap!

HumbleGaijin · 2021-11-26T22:34:39+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaXrjxaAl7Y&t=567s

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I hope you can maintain sanity.

Mexican_Boogieman · 2021-11-26T22:50:33+00:00

My parents are old school. They were married in the early 1960s. They held it together because it was culturally instilled in them. We were not by any means a ‘functional’ family. They likely did so much more damage than if they had split up/separated/divorced. It’s sucks that shit like this happens but I’m sure it will be better for all of you in the long run. Love can be broken down to be some chemical reactions that stop happening after some time.

Ticodragon · 2021-11-26T22:50:48+00:00

women will destroy an entire family in order to go get random hookups at bars… doesn’t make any sense

Glad_Firefighter_471 · 2021-11-26T23:40:34+00:00

Make sure she pays child support while she’s being “free and happy.” Actions have consequences honey!

fightingappletrees · 2021-11-26T23:44:15+00:00

I have seen this play out with a hand full of my parent’s friends and now a few times with people more of my acquaintances. The overwhelming majority have ended up with the women trying to get the man back, but the men moved on to an exceptional and loving relationship which is helped by what they learned from the first women.

mx30mark · 2021-11-27T00:07:06+00:00

Get a lawyer and get out

VolvoFlexer · 2021-11-27T00:14:19+00:00

She’s reading Women Who Run With Wolves and inspirational memes on Facebook.

Right.. This is the point where you need to keep telling yourself about all the things in life that make you happy that do not involve a woman reading inspirational shit on Facebook.

quijoboo · 2021-11-27T00:38:24+00:00

There's only two people you should be discussing this with in depth, your lawyer and your therapist. Best of luck. I wish you the best.

vanillagorilla12345 · 2021-11-27T00:39:13+00:00

I am living something very similar to this right now. It’s the first time I’ve ever been grateful I don’t have kids.

Therapy helps me. Hope you come out on top of things. I’m sincerely sorry for you.

Even-Top-1446 · 2021-11-27T00:47:19+00:00

Marriage is a life-long agreement. Plan the separation if you are truly not happy in the marriage. If you are unhappy, then you may be possibly unhappy for the rest of your life if you stay in the marriage

num2005 · 2021-11-27T00:52:24+00:00

out of topic

but as someone who isnt sure he wants kids... is having kids that much a burden? enough to want to divorcr and run away?

Joemac_ · 2021-11-27T00:58:19+00:00

Your wifes being an ass. What is making her feel so confined? (is it your behavior in the relationship or her perception of your behavior?) Either way, her reasoning is so incredibly selfish considering you have children. Her blatant and unhealthy consumption of... stupid media for lack of a better word is pathetic.

Turdbird2000 · 2021-11-27T01:02:51+00:00

Let her have the kids the cars the everything and be on your way. Fuckit. Let her be free fr you but keep everything else.

JustMeh2012 · 2021-11-27T01:09:03+00:00

The double standard strikes again... When women get a hair up their ass to ditch the family they get all the support in the world even if they are wrong. But a man is just being a prick for doing the same thing.

I'd say congratulations but I know that it's a devastating thing for you and the kids to go through... Hope all works out for the best.

mpr74 · 2021-11-27T01:22:50+00:00

Man.... I wish I had been on reddit years ago when this happened to me... I could have used the support. I stayed at the house and kept it. the kids stayed with me too. Including a step child. The kids and maintaining stability for them was the only thing important for me. I have accomplished that. I kept my life on hold but it allows me to do what is right for the kids

mergatroidkillabrew · 2021-11-27T01:24:17+00:00

See a lawyer immediately

tbama11 · 2021-11-27T01:34:18+00:00

Lucky…

MisterHyman · 2021-11-27T01:34:54+00:00

At least she didn't read Love Warrior and leave you for a woman...

JD2694 · 2021-11-27T01:59:14+00:00

Lawyer up. She is leaving you with the entire process so you might get full custody. Protect your assets and make sure she's the one that's gonna be paying. Save all texts, emails, and conversations you have with her. Take her name off all accounts that you put money into. Take her name off investment accounts. If she gonna get anything let the judge decide and lawyers decide that.

AdWa11a · 2021-11-27T02:02:53+00:00

This isn’t advice, but I figured you’d appreciate the sentiment

FUCK THAT BITCH

fixingmedaybyday · 2021-11-27T02:13:57+00:00

Same here man. Sorry you have to go through this bs.

Xx24reminder · 2021-11-27T02:19:05+00:00

Did you get prenup?

binkerfluid · 2021-11-27T02:19:27+00:00

Shes going to ruin everyones lives because she is bored, typical.

Inside-Ad-4362 · 2021-11-27T02:24:13+00:00

I’m in a similar situation, but the roles are reversed. I’m divorcing my wife because for 12 years we only got along for 5. I spent 7 years trying to make it work then a light switch flipped off and I was done. I’ve heard that men and women feel this light switch moment and go for divorce. I however am doing all the work and plan to do what I can to help my wife transition while we share custody of our 2yo daughter.

My soon to be ex is a good mom and I’m a good father, so I’d rather work together to co parent than live with the toxicity of our marriage. Staying together will just show my daughter that a toxic relationship is normal. And I don’t want that generational curse I got from my parents to be thrusted on her. I’d rather show my daughter that people can work for a common good (the kids), even if they can’t agree on everything.

You’re 100% right in that when men leave their spouse everyone demonizes you. Anyone I used to respect and be friends with, just drops you. I’ve also been told that I’m splitting or destroying my family and all kinds of shit. It’s a lot of judgement.

I’m sorry that you’re in this situation, but if she is where I am, then her mind is made up and there is no turning back. If I can offer any advise to encourage you and help: find a way to move on. Focus on you and your kids. Don’t waste your time on someone that doesn’t want you like you want them. You deserve better. Learn what kind of woman you want on the other side of this divorce and you’ll find a better woman then this one.

Also, if anyone thinks about trying to give some self righteous sermon about me leaving my wife, save it. I honestly couldn’t care less. I probably won’t respond or read it if you do.

Ace_Kaiser · 2021-11-27T03:45:20+00:00

Good luck my man. Being a man we will always get shit. This is how the society behaves now. Keep your chin up and stay strong. We are men and we can get through everything.

mimiczx · 2021-11-27T04:07:18+00:00

I'm not happy 😭😭😭. Sounds like she's looking to ride the carrousel. The market is wild and after a few years of being used for target practice she'll be back. Don't take her back.

ArtDeve · 2021-11-27T04:42:43+00:00

Same deal here. My two kids are happier because I am happier now that I don't have to listen to her whining all the time. My life us way better now!

hendrixski · 2021-11-27T05:36:53+00:00

She can leave but the kids stay home with you until a custody agreement is signed that gives you at least 50% custody. Document that they're overnight with you.

AndyBrown65 · 2021-11-27T05:43:18+00:00

Make sure you hang onto the kids.

Expect a false AVO to be lodged so she can manipulate the system for her gain and your pain

milkofthepuppyy · 2021-11-27T06:06:47+00:00

She's doing you a favor. Give her the kids and start your life over. Find a hot young twenty-something and go live your best life!

RetroVillain · 2021-11-27T06:27:04+00:00

Take care of yourself brother

charcoalblueaviator · 2021-11-27T06:54:25+00:00

Consider it as shedding extra weight from your life. While she is in her la la land, get custody of the kids and sue her for child support. Over time your kids will realise she chose her freedom over spending time with them, which is perfectly fine but the kids should learn where priorities right.(From my understanding she doesn't want to be in the kids life either right?) And Live your life the best you can, for you and your kids.

proto_shane · 2021-11-27T08:27:52+00:00

What a bitch hopping on the bandwagon of "strong independent women" without having any regard to her husband of 14 fucking years

TheAndredal · 2021-11-27T09:37:45+00:00

I think it's so narcissistic and selfish to do this to and against your own family. No fault divorce laws need to stop

PlaguesDoc · 2021-11-27T09:41:41+00:00

As a child that grew up without a father, please put your children first, my mom was a good person, but nowhere near competent at raising a child. Years later meeting my father who remarried and has 2 great kids, it makes me sad, and wish for a different life.

jaackjaack · 2021-11-27T12:40:40+00:00

My mom did this. You’re better off than being having an energy leech attached to you. We’re gonna be okay. Speaking for your kids - thanks for sticking with us, dad. It means the world that you’re here with us. Maternal narcissism is what I’ve attributed it to. None of us could’ve changed what she decided to do - believe me I tried. You’re absolutely right in your points. You’re a good parent. Best of luck to you all and all my love

Zarkoscookie · 2021-11-27T14:43:08+00:00

Relationships don’t have to last lifetimes. You are going to always have a link to her since you share children. Try to move on with class and optimism …. The next years could be your best, you are now open to a new and exciting future

Excellent_Emotion204 · 2021-11-28T16:19:13+00:00

That's a low value women. See if you can get child support and alimony. And full custody.

for_against · 2021-11-29T10:46:09+00:00

"Women who run with wolves"? The parodies pretty much write themselves.

I'm pretty sure the joke is on her, but I'm sorry about your kids...

Jack_Blaze321 · 2021-11-26T15:31:28+00:00

And then peeps wonder why more and more dudes decide not to risk dating a woman at all, no mind actually being foolish enough to take the extreme risk of marrying one

You have my condolences man, I'm sure you didn't deserve to be shat on like this.

And no, if the genders were reversed, it'd be her getting shat on by everyone and their grandmother

Requarzium89 · 2021-11-26T14:15:08+00:00

The harsh reality of this, is if she’s chosen that she no longer wants to be with you. It’s nothing to do with a book or anything else; she’s unhappy and doesn’t see happiness in her future with you

That may be harsh to hear but the more YOU are in denial and blaming other things the worse your healing will be. You need to come to terms with this.

Also, you need to stand up for yourself and tell her she needs to take accountability for her actions and to plan the separation herself or at least do it together. I’d suggest working together because you have kids and you really really need it to go as amicably as possible.

To put this into context, my mam and dad split up when I was 11, so around the same age of your kids, and it was a truly terrible break up, and I’ve struggled with mental health issues all my life and I think a big part of that was the trauma from what I went through as a kid seeing my parents at each other’s throat and feeling lost.

Secondly I’m also somebody who has been through this myself, my ex wife left me a few years ago, I blamed every body but myself, but in the end when I come to terms with the fact I’d made mistakes and the spark was lost, I learned to let go of the past and move on with my life and it was truly the start of my new happiness.

Please don’t read my reply and think I’m just saying these things to be an arsehole, I’m truly not.

But please consider being as amicable as possible while also not bowing down to her demands. It’s a very tough situation

BootyBreakerDeluxe · 2021-11-26T15:14:49+00:00

I wouldn’t have trusted any of them from the start. I hope you don’t get fucked too hard in divorce court tho and get to keep seeing your kids. At least you learned your lesson to not get married again hopefully.

mr_y2kj · 2021-11-26T13:29:00+00:00

I’ve no idea how you’re feeling rn or what you’re going through, brother . But all you can do is as someone said raise your kids to be better than her , and move on . Stay in the grind , it’s her loss . She’ll suffer and come back and ask you to take her back , do not give a flying fuxk , be a sigma male and just move on . Dont show her your feelings too . Just let it go

__redacted___1 · 2021-11-26T14:01:10+00:00

if you have not listened to black phillip and all of its 25+ hours in entirety, then you need to do this right now. you have no time to waste.

warry-buffy · 2021-11-26T14:38:41+00:00

She singlehandedly decided one day to move on with her life and now you are forced to pay and for god knows how many decades to her because of that. Bonus points if she's unemployed.

innerpeice · 2021-11-26T14:51:42+00:00

Best thing you can is not chase. Cut off contact. Maybe she'll come Back maybe she won't but chasing won't get her.

JablesRadio · 2021-11-26T15:08:22+00:00

Record every single interaction you have!!!!

s47unleashed · 2021-11-26T15:30:47+00:00

I can't really give you advice as I'm still a young man of 20 years, but I can only hope you stay strong and don't touch alcohol or related stuff. Would be a shame if things go south :(

Riot101 · 2021-11-26T15:53:52+00:00

Maybe check out rational male.

giantfries · 2021-11-26T16:13:12+00:00

Go NC, after the divorce, and then enjoy mgtow.

PhaedosSocrates · 2021-11-26T15:16:22+00:00

That's awful my friend, maybe you could convince her to try couples counseling together?

ImJustHereForCorn · 2021-11-26T15:26:01+00:00

Get an attorney my guy. Start saving your ass and assets and get proof that she is the one abandoning you and your kids to get as much custody over your kids as possible. You may not get full custody unless your wife really wants to just up and leave you all, but definitely GET A LAWYER! Save yourself, your property and all your assets

MakeGoodBetter · 2021-11-26T15:33:31+00:00

Keep your chin up and work on improving yourself a little. When she comes back after realizing that the grass is not greener and you have moved on and your children despise her, it will be a sweet day indeed.

Mr_g00dguy · 2021-11-26T15:39:07+00:00

I am extremely sorry mr. You're absolutely right with your point. I hope you get up on your feet as soon as possible.

noemailforyoujack · 2021-11-26T15:49:35+00:00

Get the best attorney you can, fight for the custody you want, and Do Not Move Out!

NoKenjataimu · 2021-11-26T20:46:32+00:00

Good for her

feelscool · 2021-11-26T20:52:50+00:00

Maybe she’s leaving you because you think that the entire reason she is ending a 14year marriage boils down to a book and some memes. She is probably a lot more complicated than that and My guess is that one day you’ll be able to look back and see years of hints and clues as to where this was going that at the time you chose to ignore.

The hard truth is the reason that she will seem to be moving on faster than you is because she started this process years ago. She probably spent years building up to this, hoping something would change, hoping you would start to act differently or she would feel differently. But as time went by she realized it wouldn’t - and these books and memes just finally gave her the ability to accept the facts that took her years to learn.

This isn’t an inditement on yourself. People are complicated and people change. People who were right for each other at one point in their lives turn into people who can’t stand each other later. And that’s okay. I don’t have a point to any of this. It’s just something that took me a long time to figure out myself.

Just try to be nice to your ex and be there for your kids.

2ASightedIn · 2021-11-27T01:30:24+00:00

This is just another reason to repeal women's rights.

liebestod0130 · 2021-11-26T15:21:16+00:00

Why does she want to leave you? Any problems in your marriage?

independence_hall · 2021-11-26T15:35:05+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss.

bruce9432 · 2021-11-26T20:47:31+00:00

Immature, which makes her brain impenetrable.

scaredofshaka · 2021-11-26T16:11:16+00:00

Hey brother - I was married for 14 years as well, also with two kids, and my wife also decided to stop then. That was five years ago.

It's not been easy learning to adapt to the change, but then I eventually understood that I was holding on to an idea of family without allowing myself to consider that the real situation was much less ideal than what I was fighting for in trying to stay with her.

Fast forward to now and we are very good friends and supportive to each other when maintaining a good life for the kids. Keep in mind that your family is forever, it's just love that dies. Tell your kids that: your mom and dad will always be together as your parents, and nothing can change that. It makes them feel better about the change, and it's absolutely true.

I think the best approach is to be honest with her and with yourself. If it hurts, express that without anger, just transmitting how you feel. If your wife comes (as it often happens) to you and asks for resources so she can live on her own, try to help her and allow her to understand that you are not vengeful.

Keep in mind that life is unfair for women with kids - things will not be easy for her, even if she may not fully understand that yet. But if she can find her footing, then both the kids and yourself will be better off. If you are a good person, centred and well intentioned, you have everything to look forward to onces this comes to its proper place.

My wife is leaving.

Comments

And they get bored and leave.

and you just work there.

A proper wife

but they're not a hive mind

Title	My wife is leaving.
Author	RC123TheyCallMe
Upvotes	3685
Comments	483
Date	November 26, 2021 12:06 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/r2lp8p/my_wife_is_leaving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-wife-is-leaving.1086466 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086466