TRP post: Ever suddenly become repulsed by a partner despite nothing obviously wrong happening?

DreamsOfWishes · 2021-08-20T22:10:44+00:00

They want something exciting, more “alpha” in their dating strategy. Until they reach the maturity of being ready for commitment.

I had the icks for my alpha ex.

I really couldn't explain it when the relationship was breaking apart, but in hindsight I was getting more and more repulsed morally by him and was trying to ignore it because we had been together for so fucking long. AND THEN HE KEPT DOING MORE.

cowfishAreReal · 2021-08-20T19:33:43+00:00

How does a random inexplicable ick has anything to do with beta/alpha dichotomy? This post is completely extrapolating there. She not being ready to settle doesn't have anything to do with beta/alpha thats a her thing not something to do with the boyfriend or other men.

Ever experienced either side of this

Never even heard about it until now

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2021-08-20T20:23:34+00:00

I’m a man, I’ve had the icks too. I’m not so sure this is a female only thing. It could be theirs might be a little more superficial but if you don’t feel an ick with certain people you might not be paying attention.

When men learn their value and have standards they too will feel icks. The problem is so many men are desperate they ignore them. They take what they can get…which is a recipe for disaster. You’re better off single than looking past the icks. Get options, just like women.

I guarantee if a poll was taken men would say they noticed icks but looked past them. We are simple and less likely to leave over them.

Ihateregistering6 · 2021-08-20T19:43:52+00:00

Considering these are college girls and are probably very young and relatively inexperienced in the dating scene, they likely just hit the end of the honeymoon period with their SO and they don't understand why they're no longer gaga for him like they used to be.

nessaea-blue · 2021-08-20T19:30:31+00:00

Nice to know this is a woman-wide phenomenon. Yes I would get big icks with every guy I've been with other than my current one. Feels good to not feel icks.

BTW, your first link isn't working, at least for me

NarniaFox · 2021-08-20T22:07:10+00:00

No, not really. If I've fall for a person, I'll need quite a lot of time or a really good reason to stop being into them even when they don't reciprocate my feelings.

My husband and I have been together for more than 7 years, I've seen him in various states including negative ones. Grieving, worried, sad, angry etc. We've talked through his and my insecurities, have both been crying into each other's shoulder for a bunch of reasons. And I've never felt icky or anything close to it. He's the person I love and desire.

I don't think "ickyness is just a woman's thing. I've seen several stories about men experiencing the same or them just losing any interest after having sex/getting to know her a bit closer. I think otherwise for men and women it usually happens when they see or learn some trait of their date that they're repulsed by. For some it might be rather hard to put a finger on it, so it feels completely "out of the blue".

Workaholiconew · 2021-08-20T23:08:04+00:00

Ever experienced either side of this, and does it seem like it would be more likely to happen to women than men, or about equal?

I never had any sudden repulse by a partner that I can think of, which I did not know the reason. Most cases of sudden repulsion could pretty easily be explained, like lack of sex, hostile behavior by my partner or just knowing their sexual past, to name a few.

However I've seen many women (family, friends, partners, etc) suddenly changing emotional states and emotional reactions without any good explanation by them. Some things I could explain like boredom, substance use, narrative creation, etc, but other I couldn't. I doubt they could do any better job at it either.

I guess that because men try to find solutions and thus, associate easier the cause and effect of emotions.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-08-20T19:45:04+00:00

No, I usually know what made me develop “icky” feelings toward someone I was seeing. Generally they did or said something that was off putting to me. Once or twice it was something they were wearing. Or the way they would eat. Or they suddenly reminded me of someone I didn’t like.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-08-21T00:26:10+00:00

This doesn't confirm anything 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of the kind.

You have a bunch of unstable, weird women doing unstable, weird shit. Congrats. Some women are unstable and weird.

If you think alfalfa males are immune to this type of shit, then lol-effing-ell buddy boyo.

Here's some explanations that are from planet Earth:

They're toxic idiots of the "emotionally suppressed" kind who are attracted to toxic idiots of the "emotionally immature, obnoxious" kind and found themselves in a relationship with a healthy, normal adult, which removed the 'drama' zippf.
They realized that they were just completely incompatible with the person.
They're immature and have never dealt with a real relationship and don't understand that 'NRE' isn't meant to last forever and can't grow with someone past that stage.

If being an alfalfa male means learning how to 'be wiff' women who are toxic idiots, you're incompatible with, or who are immature...lol, it's not much of a prize.

0seagirl · 2021-08-21T09:54:50+00:00

I’ve seen countless posts on social media about “icks” and women suddenly being repulsed or even hating by their partner in relationships, typically by younger women who are clearly not ready to settle down with a beta yet in a committed relationship.

You see a lot of young people generally experiencing "inexplicable" feelings, which are really, feelings they don't fully understand or comprehend yet.

I'm not sure how the OP is extrapolating that a woman experiencing a feeling as incredibly vague and ill-defined as "ick", and deciding that it "confirms alpha/beta dichotomy".

It's pulled out of thin air.

There are all kinds of reasons a person may feel dwindling desire for the person they're with, male or female.

SaBahRub · 2021-08-20T20:38:16+00:00

There’s always a reason. They’re just sometimes not consciously aware of it

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-08-20T22:37:54+00:00

STOP WITH ESTHER PEREL YOU FUCK

Jesus fucking christ quit it with linking the infidelity apologist.

You can make your point without it.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-08-20T22:41:42+00:00

I mean i have been, and I'm a man. It was a very slow reduction in attraction due to continued comments or actions that showed ignorance of the world and of basic subjects like history, politics, science, religion. Example, she was christian but kind of a gold digger (not really but i mean she placed importance on the fact that i was in engineering and would graduate w a good job), and when i quoted to her Matthew 19:24 (i did a lot of bible study as a child before becoming agnostic as a teen, and memorized a ton of scripture) she was dumbfounded and like spluttered out some response, just like made me lose respect for her as an example.

And even though she was attractive it made me want to have sex less weirdly

AntifaSuperSwoledier · 2021-08-20T23:13:13+00:00

I was recently reading a post in my college forum

This once-again confirms alpha/beta dichotomy

Internet anecdotes hard at work as usual.

Ever experienced either side of this

As a man yep. I think it's universal tbh. No need for them to shoehorn it into alpha/beta ideology.

helloiamheretohelp · 2021-08-20T23:22:54+00:00

Dw when your ‘hot alpha Chad’ is in the LTR he too is often a victim to the ‘ick’

Jakes1967 · 2021-08-21T06:51:49+00:00

Ever suddenly become repulsed by a partner despite nothing obviously wrong happening?

Absolutely. With one gf, we were at a party and her past came up, by the end of the party, I was definitely completely repulsed by her.

It wasn't anything sexual, just the way she treated people, especially handicapped people.

abaxeron · 2021-08-21T12:32:27+00:00

Obviously experienced both sides, but since I'm an adult human being with some level of maturity, I try to perceive people around me holistically. There are things a person does right now; there are things I remember about that person; and there are things I expect. Only when all three fall below certain threshold, I feel the need to just remove myself from their circle.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-08-21T01:56:36+00:00

I would get the ick a lot in the past. It was always because I was missing something in my life and I didn’t know what it was, I would project this unknowingly onto “relationships” (mostly in the talking stage or honeymoon period).

Hindsight is powerful. Sometimes we do and feel things we don’t understand. It’s not until later that people can piece together why they get the ick “out of nowhere.” Now that I know I am not my thoughts or my feelings I am able to control these things and really understand myself better.

gopherish · 2021-08-21T17:42:25+00:00

From the bored sex Atlantic article at the bottom:

What does it all mean for Jane and the other straight women who feel stultified by long-term exclusivity, in spite of having been taught that they were designed for it and are naturally inclined toward it? What are we to make of the possibility that women, far from anxious guardians of monogamy, might on the whole be more like its victims?

I like how it discusses how women let their relationships go to shit, then frame them as victims. 🙄 That seems productive.

Women weren’t “taught” that they were designed for long-term exclusivity; it’s the rational thing to seek if there’s no birth control or government daddy to twist things into their favor, and there are real consequences for their sexual decisions.

How about stop turning your man into something you find unattractive, and then blaming them for it? How about contributing to the marriage in a way that doesn’t exhaust you both and breed overfamiliarity? How about realizing that monogamy isn’t about your happiness, that it’s about providing a stable foundation for children?

Ladyofblades · 2021-08-20T20:45:08+00:00

No.

My take is these women deluded themselves that they were actually attracted to these men and likely weren’t in the first place. And yes, I find that bizarre as hell but so many accounts of that exist I don’t doubt it at all.

My observations of how women actually date are at odds with how incel/RP see it though. They think women settle while lusting after Chad. The reality is many women aren’t in touch enough with their own desires to know what they are, find something appealing about a really unattractive guy and later realize he was icky.

CFinCanada · 2021-08-20T20:03:41+00:00

No, I've had the icks but it was always something they did or said and I knew the exact trigger point. It's one reason I say I could never date a non-liberal man. I'd probably do better with developing a sexual attraction to another woman than maintaining one to a man who says things that just 🤮

IronReasonable8609 · 2021-08-20T19:58:52+00:00

Yep I had this happen recently. After a while you just get fed up. Since then I cut guys off after 3 red flags which takes about a week most of the time haha... I’m not gonna ignore my instincts just to feel the ick later!

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-08-20T22:00:57+00:00

I've had the icks before. Usually it was the guy suddenly displaying some creepy or stalker-ish behavior (showing up where I am without being invited, etc)

ToughAnswers · 2021-08-20T20:48:33+00:00

It’s never a random unexplainable “ick”

Apprehensive_Boat_70 · 2021-08-21T01:25:13+00:00

100$ that most of this situations always involve guys that "fell" for the first moderatly attractive skank that gave em some attention, you have to be very careful with these post because they can damage your perception of the world drastically.

For example we might asume that the guy who experienced this was all rainbows and sunshines but in reality he might be a doormat that would date anything out of desperation meaning he would comform himself with ugly women with pretty faces, and on to the other hand we might asume that this woman was ms flawless and her dislike for her boyfriend automatically invalidates him cuz she is woman, but in reality she might aswell just be the biggest slut of the street and had to date this guy because no other idiot would comform himself with the leftovers.

They both date themselves out if scarcity, the only difference is that one pretends to have abundance.

Mayhem977 · 2021-08-22T09:31:03+00:00

Based on the two articles you linked at the bottom, I would say that women typically cheat when they feel like the “passion” of a marriage is fading. For Priya’s case, she never had the chance to truly discover herself. She pulled an act throughout her entire life in order to seek validation and it was only when she met the tattood trucker where she finally had the courage to disregard everything she was taught to believe and value. I feel bad for the husband in this case because that only meant that he married a woman that never truly was herself. Second article with Jane, it just sounds to me that she’s not feeling any desire from her husband that isn’t within the bedroom. I can see how we should add the alpha/beta theory into it. After all, how many times have we heard women say “I love him but I’m not in love with him” which is just womanese for “I respect him as a friend but I don’t find him attractive as a lover.” Female attraction is..complicated but you can blame hypergamy. At the end of the day, it is safe to assume that people are only as loyal as their options allow.

imjgaltstill · 2021-08-20T21:25:31+00:00

This has happened with just about every woman I have ever been with. One day something snaps.

LittyKitsune · 2021-08-20T23:16:21+00:00

despite nothing obviously wrong happening

Yeah this is what I like to call the hero/villain dichotomy of dating.

I do not understand the idea that we essentially obligated to stay with someone as long as they're the "hero"/"damsel" and we're only allowed to break up without guilt if they become the "villain." After all, if you hurt hero, that makes you the villain. There are all kinds of ways people try to reconcile this, from overexaggerating minor flaws to outright making shit up to make SO a villain who deserves a breakup, to dragging out a relationship you have zero emotional investment in just because the other person "deserves" to not be broken up with.

There doesn't have to be a hero, villain, a winner, a loser in every single breakup. This is not a story, no one is a protagonist, and the world does not revolve around any given individual. The sooner everybody comes to terms with this the less we waste our time and other people's.

Anthony-waltzs · 2021-08-20T21:16:42+00:00

So basically what this is saying is women will lose attraction to you for no reason at all even if you do everything right and are almost entirely perfect in every way? That sounds about right, so it's not men's fault women lose attraction to their partners it's just the incompetence and fickleness of modern women? That explains a lot.

chalkandapples · 2021-08-20T21:06:48+00:00

It never happens with someone I already know, I always know why I feel repulsed when I do. There were a couple of situations where on a first date I do get anxious and feel alarms going off, and I couldn't pinpoint why.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-08-21T03:21:25+00:00

It may be a side effect of hormonal oral contraceptives but there's no proof. So, doesn't really confirm anything.

BabaStormy · 2021-08-21T04:53:21+00:00

This is me and I'm a dude, I can't help it.

Slipthe · 2021-08-21T17:21:51+00:00

I get icks with smell.

Sometimes my partner will have bad breath but it doesn't trigger anything in me other than acknowledgement. And other times it triggers this cocktail of disgust and annoyance. And it's frustrating because I want to be near him but I physically can't in that moment.

Or sometimes he farts and it smells and I don't care, yet other times he will do it and I'll get genuinely pissed off that he's forcing me to breathe is ass gas.

billsull_02842 · 2021-08-22T04:00:46+00:00

women are blown around by their vain imaginations.

CosmicBioHazard · 2021-08-23T17:30:29+00:00

I remember reading that couples who are together for a long time with no children in the picture tend to split up; the ‘icks’ are a byproduct of instinctual ‘infertility panic’, their instincts tell them to go off and test whether finding someone different remedies the situation.

Whisper · 2021-08-24T18:27:39+00:00

Poster is jumping to conclusions. The only thing it is evidence of is that women aren't aware of what they are attracted to.

poppy_blu · 2021-08-20T22:08:40+00:00

It’s pretty normal for long married couples. Things that were endearing start to seem trite. Habits become annoyances. Their predictiveness can be at once comforting and infuriating. If youre lucky it doesn’t last. If you’re not it builds and feeds on itself until you hate the person you’re sharing your life with.

And no it isn’t hYpRgayMEEEE or a gender flaw. It’s the nature of human dynamics.

Chunka23 · 2021-08-20T19:56:49+00:00

Only time I’ve heard that happening was because the person wanted their partner to look/be like someone else.

For example, you have a nice normal body girl asf your gf. You just watch the latest rap video with huge asses and dr Miamis shaking around, now your gf makes you ick. Vice versa for women

xFallacyx69 · 2021-08-20T22:22:33+00:00

Nothing wrong with losing attraction. Shit, it’s natural, and means you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with them if you lose it all. The “why” and “what” she does about it is more important. Why is bad if it’s because he treats her too good, and “what” she does is bad if it’s toxic and manipulative. See male suicide rates.

elbageluno · 2021-10-01T14:57:32+00:00

Definitely encountered this in women, have seen girls say they ghosted a guy because of the way he held the steering wheel. I think it's a combination of narcissism and social media exaggerating the "don't settle" mindset to ridiculous degrees. There is nothing wrong with noticing red flags in a potential partner but when you're ghosting them because of the color of their bedsheets, you're the problem.

oldmanwinter_68 · 2021-08-20T20:33:35+00:00

I think it comes down to the hypergamy instinct versus the polygyny instinct. If I meet a woman who's more attractive than my long term partner, I'll cheat if I can, but I won't lose attraction for my partner. From an evolutionary perspective, why not impregnate both?

For women it's different. If she meets a man more attractive to her than her long term partner, then if her partner impregnates her, it deprives her of the opportunity to get impregnated by the more desirable man.

I experienced this firsthand with an FWB I had who was engaged and later married. Both of us were in relationships at the time, but I was happy to continue being intimate with my FWB and my relationship partner.

By contrast, my FWB wanted to stop having sex with her husband completely and have sex only with me. Apparently she did the bare minimum so that I could impregnate her and he would still think the child was his.

It was also interesting how much repulsion and disgust she expressed for him.

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Subzeb8 · 2021-08-21T15:21:13+00:00

Those people are insane and pathetic.

PollaTronante · 2021-08-22T10:20:06+00:00

Nope.

One_Market5575 · 2021-08-22T11:50:53+00:00

It happened with both my exes.

It turns out they were doing A LOT wrong, I just buried it at the time. I think at the time I normalised certain behaviour as that was all I was used to.

Give these women some time and self reflection and they will soon realise what icked them out.

WerewolfPleasant · 2021-08-22T17:52:25+00:00

I think this is more about how fickle attraction can be and then attributing it AF BB. I don't think its the case. I understand how it would be an unfortunate situation, but I think its giving too much credit to the concept. Maybe she was just bored? May be she never planned on long term and that was just when the switch got flicked.

Title	TRP post: Ever suddenly become repulsed by a partner despite nothing obviously wrong happening?
Author	ToughAnswers
Upvotes	10
Comments	258
Date	August 20, 2021 7:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/p8c48s/trp_post_ever_suddenly_become_repulsed_by_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/trp-post-ever-suddenly-become-repulsed-by-a.1059173 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059173

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