Using the carrot and stick approach to neg and emotionally abuse. 🚩🚩🚩

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-10-16T08:15:36+00:00

My ex used to do that! He negged me, than complimented me. When we were together I thought he taught me to love myself. What a bs. And some real sociopathic shit.

WorkaholicParty · 2021-10-16T10:22:31+00:00

"It's a toxic relationship but the sex is amazing".

1) The relationship is abusive. 2) The sex isn't even good, it's just the only time he doesn't insult his partner and she's given some bare minimum affection.

salthoney · 2021-10-16T08:06:30+00:00

This is the kind of thing that can be very effective if you’ve never heard of or experienced emotional manipulation and abuse. If you lack boundaries, are a people pleaser, just want to be nice or if you are completely fine but unaware you’re dealing with someone with sociopathic tendencies, you’re in trouble.

I think most of us know what negging is in a flirt scenario, however this can also sneak into a relationship and be more insidious because we’ve let our guard down by then. I come from an emotionally abusive household, and this stuff can leave scars that run deep and are hard to pin point.

The replies were full of guys saying they already do this or were going to start now. It’s sickening, really.

Would be nice if we could compile some more examples so we all know what to avoid.

FuckSakez · 2021-10-16T12:30:57+00:00

This is why you do the blood in the water test. You drop a hint about a flaw or insecurity (eg not confident about hair, boobs etc.) Men thrive on us sharing our trauma so use something you are not insecure about, that you like about yourself. High standards and strong boundaries are needed or they will steam roll you and insist you asked for it.

You then wait and see if they exploit that fake insecurity and neg you. You insult their virility subtly-then you block and delete.

creamtart_ · 2021-10-16T08:39:44+00:00

This is demented.

qwaliY · 2021-10-16T11:30:26+00:00

It's so pathetic that guys have to do this to make someone stay with them.

I grew up with a narcissistic parent, my first boyfriend, I suspect, was on the spectrum of narcissism so I grew up hearing these kind of comments and in most of my formative relationships. When you manage to heal from it, or reach a point where you see these people for what they really are, pathetic and spineless without an inch of true self-belief and the need to tear everyone around them down, bcs really and truly the only reason people can stomach their presence is bcs they don't think they deserve better - it doesn't seem evil as much as it does sad.

Like don't get me wrong, these techniques definitely work if you're not wise to them, which is why I think it's good that these sorts of things are posted on the sub, so people who didn't grow up experiencing this become wise to this sort of mental/emotional manipulation - I recommend everyone to look into narcissism and dark traid personality types, business manipulation, so on and so forth.

But don't get caught up in the idea that these guys are masterminds, more often than not theyre deeply insecure individuals trying to over compensate for it and usually it's easy to see, we've just been taught to ignore our intuition. If someone makes you feel bad, theyre doing it on purpose, let them go, it'll only get worse from there.

Edit: grammar

Determinedblonde · 2021-10-16T10:54:33+00:00

Or if you do that, the woman will get mad because you disrespected her. These are the kind of guys who will knock down your self esteem and then wonder why you aren’t “confident” when you go out together

extragouda · 2021-10-16T10:44:01+00:00

The fact that men have to resort to this bullshit these days just tells you have little they have to offer.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-10-16T12:30:30+00:00

These fucking guys....they think like war criminals.

misscyansiren · 2021-10-16T14:26:01+00:00

found the guy's twitter. he's ugly af

TellCerseeItWasMe · 2021-10-16T13:01:49+00:00

How is having a shell of a partner appealing to them?

Due_Garlic479 · 2021-10-16T13:09:39+00:00

Been through this. I don't know if he did it on purpose or not. Changed me forever in the worst way. We really need to be educating people more of emotional abuse.

gcfemtastic · 2021-10-16T12:53:29+00:00

This is a good example of why raising girls into "femininity" is setting up our daughters and sisters for a lifetitime of abuse. It's also a great example of how men are ruining intimacy for themselves.

The amount of male belly-aching about how women are no longer feminine or women don't trust them and that's super mean and unfair etc....

But they are actively and consciously devising ways to break down womens' self esteem and sharing emotional abuse tactics with other men like recipes.

For the sake of argument, from a patriarchal perspective, how can women be feminine, sweet, trusting and desiring of the intimacy men want if they can't feel safe around said men? When I read these hateful redpill and pickup artist crap, I'm reminded that it's not about the traditional values they claim, or even securing female partnership. That's just the excuse to reel in more men into depraved behavior. The real point is cruelty, dominance and control. That's it. But maybe that's always been the point of those traditional values huh?

It's astounding that they blame women for shitty dating/marriage culture while openly organizing other men into actions of domestic abuse. It's insanity.

Gallaballatime1 · 2021-10-16T13:32:51+00:00

This is abuse! Don’t ever entertain this or find this attractive.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-10-16T13:44:47+00:00

I hate these trifling little morons.

Japanese-Spaghetti · 2021-10-16T13:19:17+00:00

Well at least he’s showing his true colors on social media 😂

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2021-10-16T14:58:46+00:00

Imagine hating yourself this much that you proudly publicize on the internet how good you are at emotional abusing your girlfriends so they won't break up with you. Guys who do this are just such pathetic and small people. As another commenter said, if a guy makes you feel bad about yourself then don't sit around and analyze it, just take it for the red flag it is and leave.

Tzarzarina · 2021-10-16T12:47:54+00:00

I think this boils down to never tolerating anyone in your life putting you down. It’s taken me a long time to make my brain give me an alarm signal when someone is subtlety invalidating due to my emotionally abusive father. But I like this approach because it doesn’t involve me wasting time trying to figure out somebody’s motives. Don’t have something nice/respectful to say to me? Goodbye!

Also this is why criticism in work and school contexts is handled so carefully and with paperwork and official processes- it’s not something that should be part of personal relationships!!

avamansouri · 2021-10-16T12:56:24+00:00

This makes me want to vomit.

But at the same time it’s hilarious that men think they have this power over women. They specifically target abused or self conscious pick me’s to validate their “accomplishments.”

Let a grown woman with FDS principles cut this man off at the first attempt at a neg, you know he’ll be crying, shaking, throwing up at the fact that she won’t let him disrespect her.

I hope women catch on to this behavior early and it never works for them ever again.

modernmedusaa · 2021-10-16T14:52:30+00:00

Nah this just makes us associate you with a fragile ego and insecurity, thus killing our sex drive because we don’t need your permission to like ourselves

kinkardine · 2021-10-16T13:55:28+00:00

! I just feel sad for the person who needs to foster this psychology just for companionship.

Public-Ad-4560 · 2021-10-16T13:13:42+00:00

This is so evil, and what is the point? Is it just control and enjoying manipulating someone? It really is depressing that so many men think like this and find it appropriate. It's like they don't even think of women as real people, just brainless sex robots who need to be programmed. It's sickening.

scorchedsouI · 2021-10-16T08:41:07+00:00

This shit doesn't work though. Women have said so many times that they don't feel good when guys say they like extra fat and being reminded of their excessive weight even in a "good" way. Who are these losers trying to fool? Each other?

dazedandcofused_ · 2021-10-16T15:42:31+00:00

This is so sociopathic. Just disgusting

abby_ch238 · 2021-10-16T14:39:23+00:00

holy shit my nex did this 😐

sacchilax · 2021-10-16T15:35:39+00:00

These men are psychos

InjuryOnly4775 · 2021-10-16T18:14:39+00:00

I honestly think men have done to to women forever, long before internet and pick up tip books and 98% of the time it is completely unconscious on their part. They tear down the woman they are with because they have their own self esteem issues and have learned toxic, sexist bad behaviour from their own dysfunctional families. Still so important to be aware of. And call them on it and shame them for it before you walk away.

Miss_Insher · 2021-10-16T18:31:51+00:00

Goddamn monsters. I really hope people who teach, use and popularize this stuff will die alone and miserable. If you are leading with hate, that’s what you deserve. I don’t care what happened to them in childhood or who and how wronged them. As an adult, you are responsible for your own mental (physical, spiritual etc.) health and damaging others “cause trauma” is selfish and evil. And then they go and complain about FDS. Yeah, we see you and your shitty behaviors. Will keep you accountable. We see through your manipulative shit and we’ll keep educating other women about this. And while other men choose to heal and rise up to our standards, you can keep brewing in your own toxicity. It won’t get you anywhere else but misery.

c_a_t_lady · 2021-10-16T13:00:48+00:00

That's problematic and toxic.

While them sharing those tactics is generally horrible (because more people can learn and try to use them), the bright side is that when we come across the tips online, we can become more aware of those moves. It's hard to manipulate someone who recognises your manipulation strategies!

That's why I've read about the basic tricks these people use, so I could more easily notice if somebody tried to use them on me.

preppykat3 · 2021-10-16T08:45:43+00:00

They’re so stupid. They‘re so stupid that they don’t realize that we can use this against them too. Short men suck in bed 🙃

phenomenaljunk · 2021-10-16T12:03:23+00:00

Absolutely disgusting

drowsypillowprincess · 2021-10-16T17:12:23+00:00

If your BF puts you down in public or shared company, then he’s a LVM and you need to leave.

It’s one thing for couples to encourage each other to be their best selves or to respond honestly to inquires about flaws, but this kind of shit is soooo insidious.

And I know some people have that joking-style dynamic where both parties kind of neg each other all the time, but tbh, you’ll never convince me that’s healthy. Life is too hard to also have to “keep up” with poking fun at your SO—you know, the person you’re supposed to feel safe with. 🤷‍♀️ I’ve never met a couple who did this and wasn’t incredibly toxic.

pureFLsugar · 2021-10-16T17:22:14+00:00

Interesting 🤔 It fascinates me that they spend soooo much time and effort learning to be sneaky and corrupt to the point there are entire subcultures dedicated to it.

Rochambeau91 · 2021-10-16T09:32:39+00:00

This feels like psychological warfare.

CaliforniaKed · 2021-10-16T16:28:45+00:00

A friend’s husband calls it “two compliments and an insult” He swears it works every time. Be aware, ladies!

Platipus6 · 2021-10-17T00:14:17+00:00

An example is when you tell a long story. He looks bored and says "wow I didn't ask for the whole life story".

So next time you skip to the end. He gets mad and demands you show your entire thought processes for how you got to such a wild conclusion. Then never acknowledges that your point is correct.

So you don't bother having thoughts of your own and no longer show up his tiny mind and lack of curiosity or critical thinking and he can sit in his smug delusions that he's the most clever person in the room.

Diamond_fairy · 2021-10-16T21:30:49+00:00

Basically, when in doubt, be assured that they perfectly know what they're doing when they're inappropriate and fueling insecurities.

ldnsurvival · 2021-10-16T17:46:32+00:00

Men are fucking sick in the head

crazykitten27 · 2021-10-16T16:46:33+00:00

They really will try anything but seeing women as people and treating us right!

iaintgonnacallyou · 2021-10-16T19:38:52+00:00

This. Is. Horrifying.

The_Nobody_Diaries · 2021-10-16T18:13:58+00:00

Do men have a school for these things that we don't know about? What kinda depraved person would do something like this!

I hope we can recognize these things and run at the first sign. They're so damn sneaky!

samara37 · 2021-10-16T18:31:32+00:00

Holy shit are you serious? Where is this from?

HermiticalyKermit · 2021-10-16T19:51:20+00:00

Ewwwwww. What Ted bundy shit is that.

dkwantsdk · 2021-10-17T05:56:15+00:00

This is why it's so important to spend your time and energy on yourself and your relationships with women. When you're used to intentional conversation and empowering relationships, negging becomes an awkward non-sequitur and prompt to exit rather than a challenge to rise to for male validation.

extraodi · 2021-10-16T16:52:56+00:00

I was never familiar with the word/act of negging. After looking it up I’m afraid I was negged a few times in my late teens. Wow.

i.e: You have broad shoulders. I am usually into (insert woman’s race) because they’re so small, and petite and tiny.

I guess at the time I brushed it off. I was such an idiot. Ew. Oh, and not to mention I was 19 and he was 32. It’s crazy how when you get older you realize how unacceptable and inappropriate that was.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-10-16T13:41:25+00:00

LMAO this should be tagged as humor. "I love this extra skin" OK buffalo bill. lmao This shit isn't real ladies. Whoever wrote that is either a really funny troll or you won't give the time of day to them. Why are we wasting our time on this?

"this extra thickness makes me feel so good when in you" LMAO what the fuck? This is why I think it's a troll, saying "I like your curves" is perfectly acceptable. But no. He says "This extra thickness makes me feel so good when in you"... not even "i'm in you".

xfelugirlx · 2021-10-17T04:05:13+00:00

Okay. That’s a narcissist move. No comments. They are sick

Using the carrot and stick approach to neg and emotionally abuse. 🚩🚩🚩

Comments

SIS I SPIT MY DRINK OUT

Title	Using the carrot and stick approach to neg and emotionally abuse. 🚩🚩🚩
Author	salthoney
Upvotes	1283
Comments	90
Date	October 16, 2021 8:03 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q97mtt/using_the_carrot_and_stick_approach_to_neg_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/using-the-carrot-and-stick-approach-to-neg-and.1079225 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079225