What does “real” love look like to you?

SianOiseau · 2023-08-06T16:33:45+00:00

For me love is the desire to be with someone, making their life better and prioritizing each other's needs above other things.

When I love a person, I want to be around them, I want to make things for them and I just genuinely enjoy their company. It doesn't have to be romantic either btw, romantic side just adds sex and sexual attraction to the mix.

I feel loved when someone seeks my company, enjoys it, shows their appreciation and care.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2023-08-06T16:30:44+00:00

Men complain that women don’t truly love them because women don’t have as high of a sex drive as them.

No, they say that they only kind of real love is "unconditional" love; pretend that any enrichment anyone adds to your life de facto negates your ability to truly love them; and then proceed to declare that since women don't en masse volunteer themselves to fall in love with guys who don't bring any kind of value to their lives that women are incapable of truly loving men. As opposed to men, who obviously love women regardless of age/appearance/n-count/weight/personality etc. and are falling all over themselves to love ugly women; old women; fat women; etc. who would never sleep with them or enrich their lives in any way.

Women complain that men don’t truly love them because men only want sex, don’t appreciate anything beyond looks, etc.

I don't see any women here repeatedly declaring that men as a gender are incapable of loving women. I do see them saying that men falsely equate their willingness to put up with women they don't actually like in order to get their dicks wet with "love."

JNRoberts42 · 2023-08-06T16:31:41+00:00

I’m a woman and I equate sex with love so long as we share common interests, common goals, and enjoy one another’s non-sexual company.

Love for me, specifically, means maintaining a sense of fun and mutual enjoyment of enriching activities. (Not sitting on the couch in front of the television) Consideration and independence.

I don’t care at all about flowers and cards, jewelry and chivalry. Love is a man who regards me as an equal and an ally. A cohort and a buddy who enjoys physical affection and sex and who allows me to take care of him in the ways he appreciates, too.

MarBitt · 2023-08-06T17:09:42+00:00

Unconditional love is a deep, abiding feeling, a state, the awareness of which is based on our own conscious decision. On our own honest work. Constantly affirmed. Unconditional. Love gives and wants nothing in return.

Love is a feeling that can be felt both for a person, the whole humanity, or for everything that exists. For the existence of love itself, it does not matter whether the person, humanity or universe somehow benefits us. Depends only on whether we choose to keep that love within us. And to be enriched, elevated, humanized by that wonderful feeling. Love is a disciplined energy, an expression of will, a manifestation of life.

Romantic love is personal and conditional, but in its highest forms it can grow into unconditional love or those feelings can overlap in a person. It is love at the highest level, where we are still in duality, separate from others and mortal, looking for our opposite. That is why it is beautifully painful, because it burns the lower in us, it purifies us. The gateway to immortality, where all that is impure in us must be sacrificed on the altar of love. Its most common manifestation in interpersonal relationships is romantic love mixed with sexual attraction which is also the gateway to reproduction, the immortality of the physical body.

Infatuation is a trip to heaven with rose-colored glasses. Everything is easy, everything is beautiful, the other person's happiness is suddenly more important than our own. Ego is put aside for a time. What we can normally achieve only through hard work on our own character is suddenly here. But only for a while and then it's up to us again.

baiser_vole · 2023-08-06T16:24:05+00:00

Caring for what the other person cares for. I don't mean hobbies or anything. If there's someone my partner genuinely cares for, me caring for the person too naturally. Wanting the best for each other.

princedune · 2023-08-06T16:43:33+00:00

Being with them even at their worst moments.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-08-06T16:54:13+00:00

Buying menstrual products at 2 an because my period arrived unexpectedly. Ordering extra fries. Offering a hand. A good listener. A cheerleader.

Barneysparky · 2023-08-06T17:06:32+00:00

From an outsider? When you are with them you get that they have a secret language between them, you can see ones eyes light up when the other comes into the room. When I'm with friends you can see when one partner is talking the other is often attentive with a proud look, they know the story they are telling is a good one. Admiration shows on peoples faces when they have it.

However these things are not apparent to a lot of guys on the spectrum, so they imagine the couples they meet have dead bedrooms.

wtknight · 2023-08-06T16:27:32+00:00

Real love is about making compromises. Couples that don't want to compromise and break up because of it were never really in love with each other.

Existing-Sign4804 · 2023-08-06T17:07:48+00:00

Young people and men tend to see love as a something exciting that gives you “tingles”. That’s actually lust. It’s strong in the beginning and dies out, regardless of how attractive the person is.

Real love is when you would do anything for someone and they do would do anything for you, without expecting anything in return. That’s the one that lasts and builds strong relationship foundations.

Marriage is not actually about sex, even tho sex is part of it. It’s about partnership. That’s why this obsession over getting an “attractive” person is ridiculous. No one stays young and hot forever and if there’s nothing beyond physical intimacy in the relationship, it’s dead once the lust dies out. That’s the reason for so many divorces. People marry someone who gives them the tingles instead of focusing on personality and long term compatibility.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-08-06T18:01:08+00:00

I’m an introvert. Being around people is generally draining to me.

When I’m in (romantic) love, though, I find that not only is being around my partner NOT draining, it also energizes me.

Romantic love to me is wanting to be around your person, having interest in their life, valuing and prioritizing their happiness (sometimes above your own), and also desiring them. Romantic love is a conversation you never want to end.

I feel loved by my boyfriend when he is affectionate towards me, shows that he wants to be around me and values me, when we share our appreciation for each other, etc.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-06T17:14:21+00:00

True love is two people being teammates against the world. No matter what shit is going on in your life, that is the person you can depend on to help you see it through. No matter what shit they are going through, you want to help them. It's not tit for tat the way many men describe it here - it is reciprocal, with the knowledge that sometimes you are doing a little more and sometimes they are doing a little more, but both of you are putting your all into making your lil family work. They're your family, not just the person you have sex with, and you can't imagine your life without them. But of course you want to have sex with them too.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-08-06T16:52:24+00:00

Personally, when you do something for the person you love for no other reason than you know it will make them happy/will benefit them in some way. AND you don’t even have a hint of resentment because you know they do the same for you too

Thatshygurl · 2023-08-06T17:13:56+00:00

Real love to me is someone who would stand by me during the good times and the bad times. Someone who can see my flaws and love me for them, not despite them. Someone who communicates and strives for resolution and compromise.

I_can_get_loud_too · 2023-08-06T18:40:22+00:00

I’m a woman and I want someone who just doesn’t treat me like shit and will treat me decent and have regular consistent sex without me having to beg and without any physical or emotional abuse.

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-08-06T20:57:03+00:00

I have a unique take on this question. I’ve spent the last five years fighting a serious illness. My body is consequently a mess. I have physical symptoms I can’t control, which have interfered with my earning potential, my ability to exercise (vomiting blood tends to do that), and even made my hair fall out. So do I get to be loved or not?

All of these things would make me “unlovable” in the eyes of a lot of men. The phenomenon of men leaving their wives, like their actual committed partners of decades, after their wives are diagnosed with cancer, is so common that nurses are trained to warn women this might happen. To prepare them. No lie. The opposite is much less statistically common. I’m not arguing why. I’m stating facts about what happens.

Men do seem to view women as providers of care. Domestic care. Emotional care. Sexual care. Childbirth and childcare. When they care goes away, men feel deprived. They feel entitled to seek care elsewhere.

In that case, there’s no actual personal bond. There’s just the transaction of service, and “payment” for services rendered. The payment may be a relationship or a ring or even just basically decent treatment at a hookup. But it’s still a business transaction.

Speaking for myself, I want more than that. I want love and souls and art and inspiration. I want someone who won’t care how many advanced degrees or how much $ I have.

Now that I’m better and now that I am showing up in the world differently, I am disappointed. Because so many guys are interested. But they expect things I don’t want to give. Because I know how bad it can get and I want someone who will still love me then.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-08-06T17:05:04+00:00

When our oldest moved back for the summer, our 9 year old held onto her so tightly and wouldn’t let go, she pretty much had to spend the rest of the first day with a 9 year old attached to her.

That’s a great example of real love

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-08-06T17:27:22+00:00

To me "real" love is someone who is willing to compromise with me and not walk away from the hard work.

xItaliax · 2023-08-06T17:45:43+00:00

Desire. Mutual passion. That “feeling” the knowing that the other person is as crazy about you when you see their face

Barely-moral · 2023-08-06T17:56:40+00:00

What does “real” love look like to you?

Love is a feeling. The way it express itself is varied so the question makes little sense.

So what does it mean for you, personally, to love your partner and be loved in return?

To love "someone" is to have the desire and compulsion to seek their benefit.

"Someone" is a human. A human is a body and the electrical/chemical patterns within it. That excludes actions, because actions are something that a human does, not something that a human is. That excludes results, because results are something that a human gets, not something that a human is. That excludes posessions/reputation because those are things that a human has, not something that a human is.

A human is nothing more than a body and the electrical/chemical patterns within it.

If "love" is conditional on anything other than what a human is, then the thing being loved is not the human, but what the human does/has/gets. In other words, the benefit that human provides.

What actions tell you that you are being loved?

None. Love is a feeling. Any action that is taken looking for my benefit can tell me that I am being loved but it is perfectly possible for someone that loves me to do something that hurts me because they believe it is for my own benefit.

Nihi1986 · 2023-08-06T18:05:17+00:00

Like something personal, intimate and relatively unconditional. Relationships lacking those things are still relationships but they aren't 'real love'.

sweetbrown89 · 2023-08-06T18:43:01+00:00

I mean…I like a lot of sex — a lot, still do

I’ve personally ended relationships with men where it wasn’t because I stopped wanting sex (I’ve actually been the horny girlfriend of the guys who are burned out from work and sat there in lingerie after cooking for a guy and feeling useless that I can’t cheer him up) — but because men often just don’t want to put in work after a while

I end up becoming a “bang maid” despite working (in STEM) as much as he does…I’m as tired as he is, I’m doing chores more than he does…men expect unpaid housework from women — guys will often stop doing anything other than the bare minimum and that’s how I know there’s no love

Of course, there’s the usual breakup reasons of guys lying, taking out their shitty days on me, casual sexism, and other fun things — not one complaint has been that I don’t want sex…it’s often thrown in my face that I make it too easy for them to not do anything in the relationship because I checks notes put in more constant effort

It’s exhausting…part of me wonders what it would be like to be dumped for being a lazy ass, but I don’t believe there’s nearly as many men who tolerate a lazy woman just for her looks and sex as they claim

Love is constant effort from both parties to improve the relationship…I just find that most men don’t provide this, in my experience

itm4l2000 · 2023-08-06T22:54:50+00:00

Hypothetically, being present with your romantic partner during a catastrophic event, passionately kissing and holding her/him while our house burns, feeling both of us are going to be emotionally and physically safe no matter what happens.

Feeling something like this.

Prestigious-Delay759 · 2023-08-07T01:44:52+00:00

If you look at your partner and say to yourself "man if tomorrow a drunk driver ran over you and it ripped off your legs I'd be out of here" then you don't "really love" them.

gopher_glitz · 2023-08-06T16:56:50+00:00

Love is about exclusiveness and that seems harder and harder to come by.

Birb-brained · 2023-08-06T17:29:14+00:00

Farting competitions.

RoyalGovernment3034 · 2023-08-06T16:43:05+00:00

They're intellectually dishonest pissbabies trying to manipulate women into on-demand sex. They know better than anyone that sex and love aren't linked like that. They use it all of the time to explain their behavior when it suits them.

ventthrowaway9 · 2023-08-06T16:45:26+00:00

like 98% of men cant experience real love cuz they dont have feelings. they just want to fuck

siletntium · 2023-08-06T16:50:50+00:00

Real love can be quantified by what a person is willing to sacrifice for another.

Women aren't really willing to sacrifice anything for the men they claim to love beyond agreeing not to fuck other men. But don't forget if you ask them not to Dress half naked and parade around other men you're abusive.

If a woman does make any sacrifice for you in general you will be called abusive.

Meanwhile many men are still willing to lay down their lives for the women they say they love. Even with modern women despite being completely undeserving of sacrifice.

Tiny_Werewolf1478 · 2023-08-06T19:54:54+00:00

Alternatively

You lock your dog and your woman in the trunk of your car for 2 hours, who’s going to be happy when you open it?

gntlbastard · 2023-08-07T19:26:23+00:00

Real love - coming home after a rough day and being greeted with sheer joy at your return. I won't get that from a chick which is why I have a dog.

lacuti3 · 2023-08-06T16:23:09+00:00

Love is having a genuine drive to meet someone else’s needs. Men only do it because society manipulated them to/women force them to (lol). In exchange for sex. Oftentimes without sex they’re manipulated and forced to do it. Women only do it in exchange for money, emotional validation, and making their lives easier. Men and women don’t love each other. Love is mostly just something women want and force guys to do, they control society to make guys do it.

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kkkan2020 · 2023-08-06T17:13:09+00:00

love is an illusion.

SorryEm · 2023-08-06T17:18:07+00:00

Like I'm not gonna lose it in an accident.

Safinated · 2023-08-06T17:40:42+00:00

It depends on how selfish/desperate of a person you are

Most people are not that selfish or desperate, and so most of us get along and don’t entertain people who aren’t good for us

-AvatarAang- · 2023-08-06T17:41:01+00:00

Lots and lots of physical touch: constant cuddling, forehead kisses, Eskimo kisses, cheek kisses, nose kisses, hair caressing, massages and so forth.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-08-06T17:46:45+00:00

On here we talk a lot about how ruthless dating is and how each party seeks maximum value for themselves upfront. And, well, it is that way. Since pills are generally "sexual strategies" we fixate on early stages of relationships and we get really sad and cynical.

But I believe in love also. I haven't achieved it the way I idealize it and maybe the ideal is not attainable, but I believe something close is attainable. Not believing in it would be difficult for me, but I don't think it is delusional to believe and hope.

I don't know what women feel or whether any woman has felt love for me the way I have felt it for them, but I define it something like the following.

Romantic love is an emergent phenomena that begins with an intense desire and feeling of needing the presence of someone in your life. Over time the feeling of knowing and being known deeply by someone forms a bond in which you start to desire happiness and avoidance of pain for the other person as (or almost as) intensely as you do for yourself.

Of course it's difficult, or impossible, to love someone perfectly. We get lazy. We have barriers and hangups and issues. Sometimes we don't know how to express love in a way another receives it (love languages is a nice concept that attempts to address this).

There is a lot of talk about whether love actually exists. I believe it does, or something close enough that it's worth striving for.

dishonouronmycow · 2023-08-06T18:15:39+00:00

The mundane things, washing each others dirty laundry, cleaning up after them when they’re sick. Sitting next to someone every single night and not wanting to be anywhere else with anyone else. The moments when other people would throw in the towel and give up because it’s too difficult but you don’t because you love them. When you’re 90 years old and looking back at everything and those moments that you suffered through together aren’t even what you remember most, but they made you stronger.

LaTableEstBasse · 2023-08-06T18:56:47+00:00

Love is helping but also accepting help.

If you can't grab the hand of the people who desperately try to help you, then you're not worthy of love.

Tiny_Werewolf1478 · 2023-08-06T19:47:36+00:00

You know those scenes in the movies where the girl 100% trusts, has faith, believes in her guy, but we as the audience see what’s really going on and/or coming - that.

It’s heart breaking because you know that’s the moment she loses her faith in men. That’s the death of love for her.

As stupid as it sounds, that’s what some boys see and think “I’d be different”. It’s about sustaining that faith. Or that respect. Or that boundary.

It’s all puppy love; pure, naïve, serene.

Tiny_Werewolf1478 · 2023-08-06T19:56:34+00:00

Another alternative

Titanic

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-08-06T19:56:35+00:00

💰💰💰💰

BeneficialRush4171 · 2023-08-06T20:03:33+00:00

Both people wanting to and doing their best to make the other person happy.

Trouvette · 2023-08-06T20:03:57+00:00

Love is choosing that person even when it isn’t easy to choose them.

abaxeron · 2023-08-06T22:27:01+00:00

If I want to see "true love", I can look an entire genre full of fictional characters. Reality is always more complicated.

But if I had to pick one thing, then out of 4 billion women in this world, there is only one that picked me out of 4 billion men (and honestly, with her genetics alone she had tons of options), when I was seriously at my lowest point, and within a couple years willingly gave birth to my child.

Not being appreciative of this would have seriously been a dick move.

thewhiteknight17 · 2023-08-06T22:38:55+00:00

True love is when you don’t pick the other person but it’s almost like he picks you. Basically you love the person’s soul and everything that comes with that. You love and desire it forever even if you can’t have it.

Barneysparky · 2023-08-06T23:42:01+00:00

Is it or is it not a social disability that makes it hard to read social cues?

I know someone with autism who claims to be an empath, they have also been diagnosed with BPD.

Willow-girl · 2023-08-07T11:58:08+00:00

True love is cleaning out the barn together.

basedmama21 · 2023-08-07T16:12:54+00:00

Loyalty, respect, duty, appreciation, and traditional gender roles

Failing_Lady_Wannabe · 2023-08-07T23:49:49+00:00

When looks don't matter + when you share your darkest, ugliest secrets with each other. Basically a bond that is not build on sexual attraction.

TheOrangeGhost · 2023-08-08T08:50:19+00:00

If I may get poetic.

Real love is knowing all the qwerks and eccentricities of a person, knowing they are pretty weird but yet some how they are the wonderfully right kind of weird.

Real love makes you fear that their loss in your life would some how magically make cake taste less sweet because it's not thier cake. That the stars would be less bright because your not looking at them together.

Real love makes you sing karaoke dispite being tone deaf because they went hiking with you dispite hating bugs. Seeing them simile was just simply worth your own mild discomfort.

Finally real love is finding a person who fits so well with you in so many different ways that their very existent in your life improves it to the undeniable point that you can not possibly see a more preferable life that doesn't include them in it.

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-08-08T20:01:15+00:00

Love is just a chemical

Den_the_God-King · 2023-08-08T20:21:39+00:00

I'm skeptical about its existence. The only love that has been truly genuine and unwavering for me is the love I feel for my son. Otherwise, I tend to match the level of love I receive in a relationship.

CoC2018 · 2023-08-09T16:17:53+00:00

I think it’s whenever a situation arises I put my gfs needs and wants above my own and there’s nothing wrong with it makes me feel good to help with her problems in whatever shape or form they come

Title	What does “real” love look like to you?
Author	avocado-afficionado
Upvotes	14
Comments	177
Date	August 6, 2023 4:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15jtd2j/what_does_real_love_look_like_to_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-does-real-love-look-like-to-you.1227629 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227629

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