Regrets

Puzzleheaded_Band773 · 2024-01-29T07:41:23+00:00

Been divorced just about 2 months. I didn’t ask for or want it and was willing to work it out. Now I choose to cut off my ex-wife completely and not have any communication. I know more or less that she’ll probably not care nor have any regrets (she is very narcissistic in nature). She has been on a “I’m better than you” pedestal for much of our relationship as I was manipulated and blamed into thinking all that went wrong was my fault.

She made her choice and I’m moving on. I don’t care to go back to her and her bullshit and emotional / mental abuse. I will never be good enough for her but I can be good enough for myself.

I wish you the best in your situation. Stay strong and keep smiling as best you can. :)

ForgottenSon2 · 2024-01-26T20:13:39+00:00

My ex is too narcissistic, aggressive, and masculine to apologize. She lost 137k and she pays me child support. Co-parenting with her is a nightmare.

Isthisthereddits · 2024-01-26T03:43:58+00:00

99% sure my ex regrets it. She lost the home I bought for us. She lost being financially coddled through her PhD. To tell the truth not even at 30 her looks are fading. I loved her for more than that, but seeing her narcissism for what it was now. I think her finding someone new who will last is going to be tough. I am loyal to a fault and was naive as we got together young. She has made comments that lead me to think she wants to take it back, but her pride is too large to actually say that.

Due to the emotional and verbal abuse I took through our relationship and her disloyalty there is no going back. Even if I wanted to my family would never forgive her. My closest friends would never forgive her. I'm going to struggle for years to forgive her if that time ever comes.

So tl;dr almost 100% think she regrets it. She messed up big time. I would not and could not ever take her back.

DivorceTA1988 · 2024-01-25T19:55:11+00:00

Did my wife later regret it! You bet.

Are we still getting divorced- also yes.

Because I won’t let anyone treat me that way. If you are willing to do this to me once then that’s enough.

Dakeddit · 2024-01-25T19:07:53+00:00

Of course I have regrets - could I have been a better husband? Did I pay attention? Questions like that. But she answers all those questions for me when she continues to fail to look at her own faults in why things went wrong, and the grudge she never let go.

Good_Dirt_9914 · 2024-01-25T16:04:17+00:00

Spot on Analysis.

hazalo9 · 2024-01-25T15:57:06+00:00

She is using you to lean on emotionally as she distances herself from the relationship. Then one day she will cut you off once she is ready and you will be hurt. The only way to get her back is to go "All or nothing". Show leadership and don't play those emotional games with her. She is either in or out, if not you need to move on before her or you will be in emotional suffering for a while. Stay Strong. Good luck bro!

Fwooply · 2024-01-25T15:55:06+00:00

This kind of hope is a big part of the r/BreakUps group. There are even YouTube series outlining the process of "winning them back." In a nutshell, go completely silent, work on yourself, and live life for yourself. If she comes back, she comes back. If not, you are better off for it. Don't ruminate.

My personal opinion? I've got a few.

Tugging on them is the worst possible thing you can do when they're pushing away.

FOMO is a thing. But I think she'll find FOMO is not a WHO thing. Some people are going to have that fear no matter who they're with. It's akin to impulse spending. Or fashion. Or similar things. Yes, I'm suggesting some women see men as socks at times.

The grass is never greener on the other side. In fact, unless you've dumped anyone off at a fast food restaurant because the date was not going well, you're a catch. It's one of the most common stories I hear from women dating online.

Winning them back usually leads to a second round of losing them. The odds of winning them back are slim. The odds of keeping them are miniscule.

Whatever the case, the best possible way forward is working on yourself and the what-ifs will drive you insane. Again, don't ruminate.

therightside · 2024-01-25T13:47:19+00:00

Yes. She will come back when you no longer want her.

potatotornado44 · 2024-01-25T12:18:41+00:00

The whole “time for myself“ “don’t even know who I am anymore“ is complete bullshit. It’s a tale as old as time, and it’s astonishing that women still think they can gaslight us in this way. Shame on us guys who still let them.

Those phrases are nothing more than code for her wanting to jump on someone else’s dick. She might not even know whose yet, but definitely not yours anymore.

If they do the thing where they return apologizing and crying, that’s only because the new guy didn’t work out and dumped them, or refused to be exclusive.

All the pie in the sky crap that she’s been reading online and that her female friends, (likely divorced friends) were feeding her has turned out to be a lie, and she is desperate to reclaim what she had.

Don’t let her, don’t fall for it. Once the trust is gone, it’s gone, and it’s never coming back.

fishingforthought · 2024-01-25T11:39:04+00:00

Yes I have walked in your shoes. I won’t go into details. She decided she made a mistake. But the damage was done and the seed we’re sown. Divorce after a miserable life in marriage. I am now happy. Good luck brother.

Due-Ad4708 · 2024-01-25T10:20:28+00:00

She's plying with you. Don't let her do that. You're the one who governs over you. You have to say that it's over forever and go on with your life.

bakassura · 2024-01-25T10:16:42+00:00

I too faced a similar battle and in hindsight I think it is better to move on. If a relationship is meant it to be, it would never come to the point of breakup/divorce. It generally points towards a lack of mutual emotional maturity IMO.

Human nature is nurtured through decades of being the way you are. To expect someone to flip and come to senses is rare and you asking them of it is unfair. All that this means is - sure if you want to go back to her do so : but just be clear that you will be able to handle whatever she did to bring you to the point of divorce in the first place. Marriages can only work when you want to make it work - even if that means neglecting all the negative behavior (but not if it’s causing direct physical/mental harm to you or your kids).

The best recourse would be to just move on. But you need to the judge for your life at the end of the day

77shantt · 2024-01-25T08:08:56+00:00

Sounds like she is on another dick mate.

C20H25N3O-C21H30O2 · 2024-01-25T06:47:32+00:00

She has someone else in mind and you are the fall back guy, if that doesn't work out. The moment you are no longer needed (she feels her new relationship secure enough), that's when you can expect the real shit storm coming your way. Do you really want to be Option B?

xadmin1 · 2024-01-25T06:02:03+00:00

Dude, don’t believe this. As soon as another guy is interested in her, she will be all over him if she hasn’t already. Get away.

lifeisallihave · 2024-01-25T05:59:55+00:00

Bro you are never going to heal nor be able to move on in your current situation, you will come to regret the wasted time and that will mess you up seriously.

Left-Signature-5250 · 2024-01-25T05:52:45+00:00

I got the whole "I need to focus on myself, I think I am just not good in a relationship, I think I will never want to have a partner again" spiel.

Well, she lied. Only three months after divorce was final (only about six months after she moved out with the kids) she moved in to her "new" (affair) partner with the kids and two hours away.

I did not expect that and it was not what we talked about. She was supposed to stay in the vicinity so the kids could actually chooose when and how often they would like to stay at my place (house).

She fucked me over real good. Do not get fucked over out of any sense of compassion or understanding. She is lying every which way benefits her the most.

organicwilly · 2024-01-25T05:24:05+00:00

The only regret I have is marrying that stupid whore in the first place.

DadVader77 · 2024-01-25T05:15:35+00:00

My stbxw didn’t regret jumping on another guys pole before asking for the divorce, so if she ends up having any regrets later I’d rather self castrate then go back.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-01-25T04:32:23+00:00

Even if they do, they'll never admit it. Reconciliation is rare, but if there are no major flubs by either side, possible.

Please, please, please don't chase her for reconciliation. She needs to do it 100% of her own volition or I promise you will be right back here in a year or less. Also, you need to explore her reasons for wanting reconciliation. Don't make it easy for her, she needs to earn it and you need to be okay with it. Don't let your desire for the comfort of some imitation of the status quo drive you into a cycle of divorce/reconciliation.

mrfun2001 · 2024-01-25T03:59:25+00:00

She divorced me after 17 years for what I considered minor reasons. We divorced after 9 months. She changed her mind 1 month after it was finalized and says she regrets divorce and thinks she just needed time. She really hasn’t been seeing anyone else. Despite what all of these guys say, it isn’t always cheating. Feelings and relationships are hard. You can ask her and be the judge of whether you trust her. I have been working for 1 year trying to see if we can make it work again. Only you can decide what to do, but the world isn’t simplistic like most here would claim. Both paths are hard. Good luck.

Capable_Luck_2817 · 2024-01-25T03:44:55+00:00

You want to give her the benefit of the doubt, which is normal at the beginning. She also wants to let you down slowly so you don’t stick up for yourself. My advice is to get some physical distance and start working on the divorce. You will kick yourself later if you take it too easy on her now.

And as others have said, there’s a 99% chance she is already cheating.

JD-Anderson · 2024-01-25T03:34:10+00:00

Yes, multiple times in various ways over the years. I personally see our divorce as me getting paroled now. She sees it differently.

Girl_Dad42 · 2024-01-25T03:16:11+00:00

My ex wrote me a year after everything was finalized and said she never actually wanted a divorce but was only bluffing. This was of course after she was dumped by her boyfriend who she was messing around with while still married. No regrets at all on my part. My life is great and I’m out of a bad marriage.

Reflog1791 · 2024-01-25T02:56:50+00:00

Somebody please post the long one with the step by step instructions for our new brother.

To our new brother: we have seen this post hundreds or thousands of times. It’s heartbreaking. It’s tough to read. Basically no matter how delicately you play this it’s a big fat shit sandwich.

My recommendation is find a way to get the custody schedule you want right now. Like say “hey I’ll take care of the kids this week” or “I’ll take care of the kids Tuesday, Saturday, and Sunday.”

All hell is about to break loose when the $$ comes up. Subsequent to getting access to your kids, don’t say a word to her. It’s called grey rock method and you need to become an expert in it quickly.

The guys who really get fucked over get mind fucked in the EXACT SAME WAY you are right now, they don’t realize it until it’s too late.

Relative-Movie-9409 · 2024-01-25T02:24:47+00:00

She’s riding the cock carousel I promise you. Don’t fuck her, move forward with divorce. Gray rock.

Address_Icy · 2024-01-25T02:18:29+00:00

My ex-wife refuses to accept any responsibility for her actions or circumstances, everything is/was my fault and caused by me.

She's expressed no regret and I most definitely have no regrets for pulling the plug on our "marriage".

BlackFire68 · 2024-01-25T02:14:26+00:00

My ex apologized twice after our marriage, once during it (21 years).

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-01-25T01:52:18+00:00

My ex asked for time, too.

It was time to fuck other men.

I think it's almost always that.

Cheap_Baseball3609 · 2024-01-25T01:35:47+00:00

My ex said she needed time. I did not want the divorce. She is too stubborn to ever apologize or say she made a mistake.

likeamyspacename · 2024-01-25T01:30:22+00:00

Don't let her play both sides. If she's done she's done cshe doesn't get the benefits of you. No cuddling, kisses, etc

Grouchy_Software963 · 2024-01-25T01:24:29+00:00

Yes, but the damage was done... Honestly, it was a hot mess while it was happening and about a year after we had a young child...

But life is better I make more money(and keep more of it now), my sex life has gone from maybe one a week, to porn star level. I date two wonderful women that keep me well grounded and happy. I could not ask for more in life.

Also, I get a bit of sick satisfaction from knowing and seeing that the ex is not happy regardless of what is happening...

the-indigo-king · 2024-01-25T00:58:35+00:00

A friend told me that I would always wonder if I was doing the right thing. That I would always wonder if things might be good again if I went back, and that voice would never totally go away. He was right.

She might come to her senses and regret it. But what then? Will she threaten divorce again during the next argument or emotional crisis? “Hey kids, mom threatened to split the family up because she was having a bad day but I promise she doesn’t really mean it. It’s not the first time.” I won’t live with that and I don’t think anyone else should.

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-25T00:57:32+00:00

Finding myself, best life = She wants to ride a bunch of dick. If you are not living with her she already started

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-25T00:55:34+00:00

She’s definitely sleeping with someone else already but wants to keep u on the back burner in case her plan b fails. Do not sleep with her and def don’t get her preggo

Title	Regrets
Author	Zestyclose_Limit_649
Upvotes	42
Comments	124
Date	January 25, 2024 12:49 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/19ewjmr/regrets/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/regrets.1243722 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243722

Comments